Influencing Skills

INFLUENCING SKILLS USING LANGUAGE

AND BEHAVIOR PROFILE(LAB)

Dr.Arivalan

INFLUENCING SKILLS

Influencing Methods

RAPPORT CALIBRATING COMMUNICATION

STYLES

THE LAW OF CONNECTION

Why the Law of Connection?

Most people can recall a situation when they either

were or were not connecting with another person.

RAPPORT

Building rapport with a person can happen instantly or it can take a while to develop.

Rapport is a key part of communication. Communication happens on two levels—verbal and nonverbal.

There are two common ways most people either fail to achieve or break rapport with others:

by not picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues to the other person's communication style, and through miscommunication, because one person doesn't understand the other's style. Influencing Lawsa will give you all the tools you need to achieve, and not break, rapport.

CALIBRATING—CONDITION 2

Calibrating is the art of paying attention and

responding to what you've noticed. It's about

picking up on the verbal and nonverbal cues

(such as laughing, blushing, nail-biting, or

stammering) that indicate another person's

mental or emotional state and then adjusting

your own communication style to match or

accommodate theirs. By calibrating, you build

rapport.


When you don't pay attention, you could end up

making assumptions or jumping to conclusions

without really knowing what the other person is

thinking or feeling. When you fail to calibrate

your style to theirs, you could end up breaking

rapport.


People who are good calibrators are able to

quickly assess a situation and respond to it in a

way that establishes and maintains rapport. As

a result, other people find it easy to have them

around. Not being able to calibrate is annoying

and frustrating to others and causes

misunderstandings that break rapport.

HERE ARE THREE EXAMPLES OF HOW CALIBRATING

WORKS. COMING HOME FROM WORK:

A working couple arrives home within thirty minutes of each other. The husband arrives first. When the wife gets home she is bursting with excitement about having received a huge promotion. However, she notices immediately that her husband is still wearing his jacket and tie and is slamming and banging things around in the kitchen. Based on those two cues, she knows that something is wrong. Instead of sharing her good news immediately, she creates rapport by going into the kitchen to greet him, express her concern, and ask how he's doing.

SERVING DINERS IN A RESTAURANT:

Two friends having dinner together are in the middle of a serious conversation when their overly cheerful server bounds up and, without paying any attention to the mood at the table, announces with a big smile, "Hi there, I'm Biff, I'll be your server tonight!" The server hasn't noticed the seriousness of the diners' mood and has failed to calibrate his style to theirs—thereby sabotaging himself by failing to build the rapport he had intended to create.

ENTERING A LIBRARY VS. A CAFETERIA:

As a loud group of teenagers leaves the noisy

cafeteria and enters the library, they

immediately calibrate and adjust the volume of

their conversation to match the quiet of the

library. This establishes rapport with everyone

who is already working quietly in the room.


Very often you have only nonverbal cues to help

you calibrate another person's mental or

emotional state. Here are a number of

nonverbal cues you can watch out for to help

increase your calibrating skills.

Examples of Nonverbal Cues That Indicate

Mood

Blushing Turning pale Blue lips

Gasping for air Rapid breathing Shallow breathing

Giggling Pacing the floor Sweating

Laughing Wringing hands Biting fingernails

Whispering Upright posture Slouched over

Stammering Staying silent

Repeatedly checking

time

Smiling Frowning Wiggling

UNDERSTANDING A CONTEXT IS CRUCIAL FOR USING

THE LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOR PROFILE

The frame of reference a person puts around a situation is the

Context. Since human beings are flexible by nature, they are

able to behave differently at different times. Are we talking

about you at work, in a coaching situation, in a couple

relationship, with your kids, with your peers, when you are on

holiday, or when you are buying a house? Simply because a

person has a certain pattern (or habit) in a given place and

time does not indicate that she will have that same pattern in

another Context.

People often ask: "Am I always that way?" The answer is no. We move, we grow, and our response to significant events in our lives can change how we function. These changes show up in the LAB Profile patterns we use in conversation. Because our behavior can vary in different situations, you will need to make sure that you have clearly and specifically identified the Context when using the LAB Profile questions.

In coaching, this relates to the problem that the

client wants to solve in his/her sessions with

you. You will also need to verify that the person

you are profiling is answering from the same

Context and that they haven't switched into a

different one

Whenever a person describes a "where",

"when" and "with whom" (plus a predicate), they

are identifying a Context. Generally, when you

coachee changes something in the composition

of the "where", "when" and "with whom" they

changed context!

MOTIVATION TRAITS

The first six categories in the LAB Profile show you how a person triggers and maintains their motivation.

You learn how to detect each pattern and what each person needs to get interested or excited about something, and conversely, what would turn them off.

Each pattern is described in its extreme form.

Behavior predictions are only valid in the same Context in which the subject was profiled.

DOES THE PERSON TAKE THE INITIATIVE OR

WAIT FOR OTHERS?

Proactive people initiate. They tend to act with

little or no consideration; to jump into

situations without thinking or analyzing. They

may upset some people because they can

bulldoze ahead with what they want to do. They

are good at going out and getting the job done.

They do not wait for others to initiate.


WAIT FOR OTHERS?

Reactive people prefer to wait for others to

initiate or until the situation is right before they act. They may consider and analyze without acting. They want to fully understand and assess before they will act. They believe in chance and luck. They will spend a lot of time waiting. They may upset some people because they don't "get started". In the extreme, they operate with extra caution and study situations endlessly.

Proactive "I meet with my team every

week."

Mainly Reactive "Even thought I wonder if it

is necessary to meet with my team every week,

I do it in order to make sure they feel they are

being listened to."


WAIT FOR OTHERS?

DIRECTION PATTERN: TOWARDS TO (TT)

People with a Towards pattern stay focused on their goal. They think in terms of goals to be achieved. They are motivated to have, get, achieve, attain, etc. They have trouble either recognizing what should be avoided, or in identifying problems. They tend to be good at managing priorities. They are energized by their goals. In the absence of a goal to move towards, these people may become demotivated.

DIRECTION PATTERN: AWAY FROM (AF)

When people are in an Away From mode, they easily recognize what should be avoided, gotten rid of and otherwise not happen. Their motivation is triggered when there is a problem to be solved or something to get away from. They may have some trouble maintaining focus on their goals. They can be easily distracted and are compelled to respond to negative situations. They may have difficulty managing priorities because whatever is wrong will attract their attention. They are energized by threats. Away From people are great trouble-shooters and can pinpoint possible obstacles during the planning stage.

DIRECTIONS TO TAKE

TT – Let me work out a solution to this problem

pre-emptively . Before that let me analyze the

problem for better solutions

AF – Let me seek someone to solve this

problem. I shall take over only if he/she unable

to do so.

AF2 – Let me prepare the facts well so that I

need not get involved in this problem.

DOES THE PERSON FIND MOTIVATION IN EXTERNAL

SOURCES, OR FROM STANDARDS AND BELIEFS?

Internal people provide their own motivation.

They decide about the quality before accepting

other people's opinions and outside direction.

When they get negative feedback on work they

feel has been well done, they may question the

opinion of the person giving the feedback. They

may gather information from others, but they

decide about it. Because they take instruction

as information, they may be hard to supervise.

DOES THE PERSON FIND MOTIVATION IN EXTERNAL

SOURCES, OR FROM STANDARDS AND BELIEFS?

External people need other people's opinions

and outside direction. If they do not get that

information they may not know how well they

are doing. They take information as

instructions. They are motivated when

someone else decides. They have trouble

starting or continuing an activity without some

kind of feedback.

SOURCE FOR MOTIVATION

Internal "I know when I have done a good job."

Mainly Internal "I usually know. I appreciate it when

my boss compliments me, but generally, I know when I

have done well."

Mainly External "I usually meet the quotas set by my

boss and my clients seem happy. And also I can tell

when I am working well.“

External "My clients are happy. My boss is happy."

HOW DOES A PERSON APPROACH DAILY WORK? IS THERE A

CONTINUAL QUEST FOR OTHER WAYS TO DO IT, OR IS THERE

A PREFERENCE TO FOLLOW ESTABLISHED PROCEDURES?

Options people are motivated by pportunities;

possibilities to do something in a different way.

There is always another better way to do things.

They can create procedures but have great

difficulty following them. If you give Options

people a guaranteed way to make a million

dollars, they will try to improve it. Break the

rules.

HOW DOES A PERSON APPROACH DAILY WORK? IS THERE A

CONTINUAL QUEST FOR OTHER WAYS TO DO IT, OR IS THERE A

PREFERENCE TO FOLLOW ESTABLISHED PROCEDURES?

Procedures people like to follow a set process.

They believe there is a "right" way to do things.

Once they have a procedure they can follow it

over and over again. Without one they may feel

lost. When they commence a procedure, the

most important thing for them is to complete

the procedure. There might be choice points

between start and completion of a procedure

HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO CHANGE AND WHAT FREQUENCY OF

CHANGE IS NEEDED? DOES THE MOTIVATION TO CHANGE COME FROM

COERCIVE "DIFFERENCE" OR

Sameness people want their world to stay the same. They do not like change and may refuse to adapt. They may accept a major change once every ten years, but they will provoke change only once every fifteen to twenty-five years.

Sameness with Exception

These people like life to stay mainly the same but will accept change once a year if the change is not drastic. They prefer their situations to evolve slowly over time. They tend to resist major changes except when they are perceived to be gradual. They need change once every five to seven years.

HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO CHANGE AND WHAT FREQUENCY OF

CHANGE IS NEEDED? DOES THE MOTIVATION TO CHANGE COME FROM

COERCIVE "DIFFERENCE" OR

Difference

They love change; they want it to be constant and major. They will resist static or stable situations. They need drastic change every one to two years, and if they do not get it may leave. They like change to be revolutionary, dramatically different.

Sameness with Exception and Difference

People with this double pattern like change and revolution but are also comfortable when things are evolving. They are happy with both revolution and evolution. They need major change every three years.

WORKING TRAITS

The next eight categories of the LAB Profile

describes internal processing: how people,

process information, what type of tasks and

environment they need to be most productive,

and how they go about becoming convinced

SCOPE : WHAT SIZE CHUNK OF INFORMATION

DOES THE PERSON HANDLE WELL?

Specific people handle small pieces of

information better. They may have difficulty

perceiving the overview. They treat information

in sequences, step by step, in all its detail. They

may perceive the trees, branches and twigs,

rather than the forest. They may have difficulty

prioritizing as a result. They are excellent at

logistics or anything where attention to detail is

critical.

SCOPE : WHAT SIZE CHUNK OF INFORMATION

DOES THE PERSON HANDLE WELL?

General: They prefer to work on the overview or

at the conceptual level, though they can

concentrate on details for a short period of

time. They may present ideas in a random

order. They concentrate on the forest and

having to deal with the trees for long periods of

time irritates them.

ATTENTION DIRECTION : DOES A PERSON RESPOND TO

AND DISPLAY NON-VERBAL BEHAVIORS?

Self

They don't show many emotions. They have a time gap between receiving a stimulus and responding to it. They respond based on what they believe to be appropriate, and are convinced by the content. They may have difficulty establishing rapport because they don't notice other people's body language and therefore they miss many cues. They "know" how well the communication is going based on their own feelings.

ATTENTION DIRECTION : DOES A PERSON RESPOND TO

AND DISPLAY NON-VERBAL BEHAVIORS?

Other:

They have automatic, reflex reactions to other people's behavior. They are animated and respond to others by facial movements, body movements and shifts in voice tone. They know how the communication is going based on the responses they observe from the other person. They are good at creating and maintaining rapport.

STRESS RESPONSE : HOW DOES A PERSON REACT TO

THE STRESS IN A GIVEN ENVIRONMENT?

Feelings: They have emotional responses to the

normal levels of stress for that environment.

They go into their emotions and stay there. High

stress jobs are difficult for them to handle. They

are best suited to artistic or creative work

where emotion provides the juice. As sales

people they find it difficult to handle rejection

and may not prospect as often as they should.



Choice

They first have an emotional response to

normal stressful working situations and then

either return to an unemotional state or not as

they desire in a given situation. Because they

feel emotions, they can empathize with others

or choose not to. They tend to perform well as

managers.



Thinking

They do not have emotional responses to

normal stressful situations. They have trouble

empathizing. They will not panic in most

emergencies, but rather stay calm and keep

their wits about them.

STYLE : WHAT KIND OF ENVIRONMENT ALLOWS THE PERSON

TO WORK BEST: ALONE, WITH OTHERS AROUND, OR

SHARING RESPONSIBILITY?

Independent

They want to work alone and have sole

responsibility. Their productivity suffers if

others are around or if they have 0 share

responsibility. When others interrupt, they can

lose their train of thought




Proximity

They want a clear territory of responsibility but

need to have others around or involved. Their

productivity will fall however if others share in

the responsibility and authority, or if they have

to work alone.




Co-operative

They want to work and share responsibility with

others. They believe in the 2+2=5 synergy

principle. They have trouble with deadlines and

finishing tasks if they have to work on their

own.

ORGANIZATION: DOES THE PERSON CONCENTRATE MORE ON

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, OR ON IDEAS, SYSTEMS AND TOOLS?

Person

They are centered on the feelings and thoughts

of either themselves or others. Feelings can

take on such an importance that they become

the task itself. They organize their work so that

they can focus on people and their feelings.

They are probably good at establishing rapport.

ORGANIZATION: DOES THE PERSON CONCENTRATE

MORE ON THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, OR ON IDEAS,

SYSTEMS AND TOOLS?

Thing

They concentrate on products, ideas, tools,

tasks and systems (things).

They treat people and ideas as things, and

believe that emotions have no place in the

world of work. They want to "get things done",

and have a task orientation.

ORGANIZATION: DOES THE PERSON CONCENTRATE MORE ON

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, OR ON IDEAS, SYSTEMS AND TOOLS?

Person

speak about people, emotions, feelings

will name people, use personal pronouns

people are the object of their sentences

Thing

talk about processes, systems, tools, ideas, tasks, goals

will not mention people often except as impersonal

pronouns i.e. "they", "you"

people become objects, parts of a process

RULE STRUCTURE : WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR

BEHAVIOR THAT A PERSON APPLIES TO

THEMSELVES AND OTHERS?

No/My

No rules or don't know rules for me/My rules for you

They don't know or don't have guidelines for themselves, but once given rules, are quite willing to pass them on to others.

My/Your

My rules for me/Your rules for you

They know the rules and policies to follow but may be reluctant to communicate them to others because they believe everyone is different. They may not state their expectations because they can perceive both sides of an issue, when in a management role. They can make good counselors, consultants and therapists.

RULE STRUCTURE : WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR

BEHAVIOR THAT A PERSON APPLIES TO

THEMSELVES AND OTHERS?

My/My

My rules for me/My rules for you

They have rules for themselves and the same ones for others. They are willing to communicate their rules to others. They believe that what is good for them selves will also suit other people. As managers they will clearly state their expectations.

My/.

My rules for me/I don't care

They have rules for themselves and don't care about anyone else. They are not of malicious intent; others simply don't enter into the equation.

CONVINCER CHANNEL : WHAT TYPE OF INFORMATION DOES

A PERSON NEED TO START THE PROCESS OF BEING

CONVINCED?

See

They need to visually "see" a product, service or idea.

Hear

They need an oral presentation.

Do

They have to do something in order to know.

Read

They need to read something.

MOTIVATION TRAITS

How people trigger and maintain their interest

level and conversely, what will demotivate

them.

Each pattern is described below in its extreme

form.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!

Influencing Skills

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