In the Hands of the Father

8/8/2019 In the Hands of the Father

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In The Hands ofThe Father

My Life With God

By Brian David Knapp


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Copyright 2010 by Brian David Knapp

In The Hands of The FatherMy Life With Godby Brian David Knapp

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 9781609577971

All rights reserved solely by the author. The authorguarantees all contents are original and do not infringeupon the legal rights of any other person or work. Nopart of this book may be reproduced in any form with-

out the permission of the author. The views expressedin this book are not necessarily those of the publisher.

Unless otherwise indicated, Bible quotations are takenfrom The New American Standard. Copyright 1960,1962, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973 by the Lockman Foundation;The New International Version of the Bible. Copyright

1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society; andThe NIV Study Bible (Fully Revised). Copyright 1985,1995, 2002 by Zondervan.

www.xulonpress.com


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v

Dedicated to:

My Heavenly Father

My Savior and my best friend

Then to the three most amazing ladies

I have ever met.

They are an amazing gift from God.

Julie

AshleyJaime


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vii

Introduction

We all have a story of our life, probably manystories of things that affect us. These manystories tend to confuse us and hurt us over and over.

My goal is to focus on one story, my story with God. All

the other stuff is just side plots that I have encountered

along the way. Some have given me pain and others

joy. Some build character others have humbled me,

while still others have lifted me up. From time to time

I have been led off track. But it is always the one story

of my relationship with God the Father that keeps me

on the road of my life.

It is always about the story of ones relationship

with God. It is a relationship leading to His love and

accepting His sacrice or it is an adversarial relation-


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In The Hands of The Father

viii

ship rejecting Him which leads ultimately to death and

destruction, an eternity separated from Him.This is my story, a story of a very blessed life; bless-

ings beyond my wildest dreams; blessings I have

not earned. These blessings are available for all, just

receive. It is not a chronological recounting of my life;

I have chosen to write about certain points and situa-

tions in my life to depict my relationship with Him.

I have included some poems that depict my feel-

ings about my relationship with the Lord.


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9

My Story Begins

My story begins not on November 12, 1953 whenI entered this world from my mothers womb.It began nine months before.

You see my parents had the two children they had

planned for, one son and one daughter. Five years in

my mother was suddenly pregnant again. This was

okay until along the way she developed kidney stones

and the doctors recommended an abortion to save herlife. My father and mother agreed and the abortion

was performed, end of story. Well not in this case, the

doctors found my mother was still pregnant. They said

we must do it again; this child will be severely handi-

capped. After sleeping on it my mother would not

accept their recommendation, she knew God wanted

her to have this child.


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I know it was all God. He put His hands in my

mothers womb and held me keeping the tools of abor-

tion away from me. The scriptures say He knitted us

together in our mothers womb but, at least in my case,

He held me long after that for extra protection.

You may think I would have been traumatized

after such an experience. I wasnt, you see I was in my

Fathers hands held safe and secure. That safety and

security has stayed with me my entire life. I can think

of many times in my life when I should have feared for

my safety, yet I have always felt safe. Fear is the tool of

the enemy, but when you have rested in the hands of

the Most High there is nothing to fear.

There have been times when I should have felt inse-

cure; insecure in a job situation or because of a relation-

ship gone wrong. You cannot feel insecure in the hands

of the Father. When a person is scared and feels inse-

cure there is nothing more comforting then to be held

by someone who loves you. It is when you are lost and

all alone you have the most fear. I have had moments

like that but they never last long because as soon as I

start to feel that way He makes His presence known.


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Except for those brief moments I have always felt

His presence, guiding me ever so gently with His big,

strong hands. He will allow me to veer off track because

He has given free will. But as I do I feel His gentle touch

telling me Brian this is not the path to take, stay with

Me and I will always protect you, I love you more than

you can ever understand. When someone loves you

that much you want to please them, you want to be

with them always. That is what I want to do, please my

Father and be with Him always. My relationship with

God is my most treasured. Sometimes I am in awe over

the fact that the creator of the universe wants to spend

so much time with me. He has so much to do and so

many children to care for, yet He has the time to be by

my side. Dont get me wrong this is not something He

does just for me, but for all His children. I am no more

special than anyone else. As a matter of fact I am not

at all deserving. God would be completely justied to

let me go when I stray, but His amazing love will not

let Him.

Not only is my relationship with God the Father

my most treasured, it is the only one that is from the


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point of my rst moments nine months before entering

this world. And it will last through all eternity.

As I go through life I can always see Him working

in all that I do. There are times I accomplish things

I cannot believe. When I look back I see He was

involved. He had to be. The answers are something I

would not have come up with. There are times, how-

ever, when I get arrogant and think its about me, that

I deserve more. I will criticize others and say I can do

better. When I get like this my kindly Father checks

me. Things go wrong, I get frustrated. That is until I

get back on track and acknowledge any skill I have,

any thing I accomplish is all because of my Father in

heaven. The scripture says Everything is possible for

him who believes. Mark 9:23. With God I can do any-

thing, on my own I will ultimately fail.

As I look back on my life I see many crossroads.

At times I wonder what if I had taken the other path.

It doesnt seem to be a bad choice as the world sees

it. Maybe things would have been okay. That is just it,

they may have been okay. I see the hand of God pre-

venting me from going down that path, especially


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when I would have missed the greater rewards He had

for me.There are points in my life where I see a path I did

take. I sometimes wish I would have taken another or

wonder why God would have allowed me to take that

route. When I evaluate those times in my life through

mans eyes I see failure. But when I evaluate through

Gods eyes I see not only lessons learned, but that it is

the only route to where I am today.

I would have not have met Julie, the love of my

life, if not for past failed relationships. I can see where

relationships had to happen to get me to the Crystal

Cathedral Singles. Out of great pain came great joy.

I hope I can be a better person because of it. If I had

not met Julie there never would have been Ashley and

Jaime. After the gift of salvation through my Lord JesusChrist, my family is my greatest reward.

My nephew Scott once said I was born again in the

womb. I cannot say, but I was surely given a second

chance at life when I was saved from the abortionists

knife. I cannot remember a time when I did not know

He was real and with me. Maybe I was born again

when He held me in His hands. For you created my


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innermost being, you knit me together in my mothers

womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonder-

fully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full

well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was

made in the secret place. When I was woven together

in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed

body. All the days ordained for me were written in your

book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

He not only formed me and you, but He pictured

us before He put us together. He had His plans; He saw

all the details of our life before we were even thought

of on this earth.

The Lord came to Jeremiah and said, Before I

formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were

born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to

the nations. Ah, sovereign Lord Jeremiah said, I do

not know how to speak, I am only a child. But the

Lord said to Him, Do not say I am only a child. You

must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I

command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with

you and will rescue you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah

1:5-8


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While I dont consider myself a prophet, I know He

saved my life for a reason. He had something for me to

stand for, something to say. That is stand for Him, use

His words. It is not me, but Him. I am not special, only

privileged to be part of His plan. I am nothing without

Him. I am not even born without Him.

I often think, why me? I may never know com-

pletely. I do know one answer is that He can do what

ever He wants. The doctors wanted to take my life, but

He would not allow it. He has total control. I believe

if they would have attempted the abortion again He

would have stopped it again. Another thing I need to

say is that a child in the womb is a life, a human being,

a creation of God and no one has the right to take that

life, no one except the author of life Himself. We see it

written a persons life can be taken for certain crimes,

but no where does it say we can end a life before it

even has a chance to start its journey. I often wonder

what cure has been missed because of the abortion

of that very one who was to nd it. There are conse-

quences or rewards for all our actions. The reward for

choosing life could be a cure for a deadly disease or the


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consequences, premature death of millions because of

the choice of death for one innocent child.

Throughout my life I see God putting me in the

presence of someone for a preordained reason. I may

end up next to someone on the train so God can use me

to touch or even change a life. I am only there to be His

conduit. One day He placed me next to a mother with

her small daughter, she spoke only Spanish. My friend

with me spoke Spanish and asked about the little girl.

Through this we found this girl and her sister both had

hemophilia, they could bleed to death with a bruise. My

heart ached for this mother and her girls. We encour-

aged her as we saw tears pour down her face. I added

these girls to my prayer list. I believe God wants to per-

form a miracle. It also reminds me of another mother

who watched her son bleeding on a cross. God knows

our pain as He watched His son die for us.

I see circumstances throughout my life where only

God could have caused things to happen as they did.

We all have opportunities to make a difference; I hope

and pray I wont miss them when they happen. We

have to stay connected to God through His word and


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through prayer. I see the difference when I am con-

nected and when I am not.

God has a plan for me and for you. Jeremiah 29:11-

14 says, For I know the plans I have for you declares

the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans

to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon

me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will

seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you

declares the Lord and I will bring you back from cap-

tivity. While this scripture was for Israel when captive

in Babylon, it relates to me because I sometimes see

myself captive in situations. There is no easy way out.

But He always rescues me. All I have to do is call on

Him.

He is there waiting to say child I am here to help you,

just reach out and take my hand. His hand is always

waiting to be grabbed. There are times I see Him grab-

bing me to keep me from danger, even when I do not

call on Him. But I am not really victorious unless I give

it all to Him. I can live a life just getting by or I can

live a victorious life. That doesnt mean there are no

challenges along the way, I cannot grow without chal-


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lenges. It does mean He is there working through the

challenges with me on to victory.There are times I want more, more responsibility

and more authority, but when I look back I see I am

right where He wants me and it is always for the best.

God has future amazing plans that need me to be

right where I am today. What tomorrow will bring I

do not know, I just know it will be greater. Not neces-

sarily greater in the worlds view, but greater for me

and I will be able to do greater things for my Lord and

Savior. Praise God.

There are times I am in a lull, I dont seem to be

serving in a ministry at church, and I dont appear to

be serving at all. At those times He has a reason for

me being where I am. I need to serve in ways unseen

by men. Maybe I am supposed to be ministering tosomeone on the train or at work. Sometimes when

I get involved it is for the wrong reasons and I need

to realize I am just His humble servant. If I am in the

mode that I have to do it, it becomes for me. When this

happens the Lord will take it away if I dont get back

to Him. I have to stay with His vision and His dreams.

I can add the determination to be a part of the plan,


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His plan. When I am in His will He will show me favor

with those around me, but I need to make sure I giveHim the glory and not let it go to my head. I need to

remain humble.


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A Spirit Filled Life

Romans 15: 17-19 says Therefore I glory in ChristJesus in service to God I will not venture to speakof anything except what Christ has accomplished

through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by

what I have said and done by the power of signs

and miracles, through the power of the Spirit. So from

Jerusalem all the way around to Illyricum, I have fully

proclaimed the gospel of Christ.The Lord is a God to be experienced. When I am

lled with His Spirit I experience His presence and I

want to speak of nothing but Him and all He has done.

To live a Spirit lled life always, what a joy that would

be. But there are times I allow the tank to run low and

sputter to a complete stop. Sometimes I am able to roll

into the lling station and ll up. Other times I have to


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walk a distance to get a small amount to get me back

to the lling station. I may even have to call someone

to get me there. There are times I see the tank is almost

empty, but I try to push it a little further and live in

a stressed state rather than in a joyful state. As my

relationship grows He is constantly on my mind. I am

more and more aware of when I am slipping and need

a fresh lling. You cannot run a car without lling the

tank; I cannot run my life without the fresh lling of

the Holy Spirit daily. The best plan is to ll up long

before that needle gets to the E. With God it is okay to

top off the tank rather than to run dry.

All that I say must be guided by the Holy Spirit of

God within me. It is by His power lives can be changed.

It is by His power that miracles abound. I see miracles

every day. Life itself is a miracle. His Spirit is always

with me, even when I allow myself to run empty there

are always traces of His Spirit. You cannot be lled

with the Holy Spirit and not be forever changed. When

you are lled with the Spirit of God you cannot help

but see the world differently. It is not the way the lost

see it. The lost can make no sense of what you see. I


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cannot see clearly without looking through the eyes of

God, through Christ Jesus and His Holy Spirit.The Holy Spirit is my counselor, my guide through

life. I have the choice to follow or to go astray. I can

live a joyful life lled with the Spirit or I can sputter

through life on an empty tank. How can I choose the

empty life when I have been held in the hands of God?

I can feel the pain of separation when I stray and it is a

pain I do not want to endure. Why do I stray? It is the

natural man that also resides within me, it is the false

picture of pleasure the world presents. These pleasures

are short lived and always leave you unfullled, so you

must have more and more to get that high. While I do

want more and more when I connect with God, want

more and more of His Spirit within me, I am fullled.

I am at peace rather than stressed that I need more aswith the worldly pleasures.

My words are so inadequate in explaining this. I can

never tell what it is like to make you understand. That

is why I say God is to be experienced, not just talked

about. You must have that personal relationship with

God, the creator of the universe to fully understand.

With God in your corner not even the gates of hell can


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Conversing With God

Ever wish you could nd a good listener, someoneyou could poor out your most intimate thoughtsand feelings to. Someone you can trust to keep it

between you and them. Someone to hear you out when

need be and give you honest advice when needed.

Someone who will instantly forgive you when you

wrong them, actually before you wrong them.

That someone is God and it is that relationship thatwas restored through the blood of Christ. Yes there

were those who had relationships prior to Christs

death and resurrection, it was because of the promise

of His coming sacrice. But since the rst Good Friday

and glorious Easter that relationship is so much more

open anyone can come to that personal relationship

with the One and Only True God.


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I will at times have a question I am struggling with

or I will do or say something I should not have. I will

at times, way too many times, dwell on thoughts that

would lead me down a dangerous or destructive path.

God always brings me back. It may be through a devo-

tional I was reading. A devotional He knew I would

be reading that very day, He set it up. The word could

come from a friend or maybe someone I do not even

know. It could be a pastor at church or on the radio.

Wherever it comes from, the Lord will always send me

an encouraging word, a rm word, a stern warning or

an instructive word to help me know Him better. It is

always what I need at that moment to get me on track

or to encourage me along the way.

Whenever I need to talk to God, I can poor it all out.

I can say what I feel. I can share my pain and it is always

soothed. I can share my joys and they are always mul-

tiplied. I can share the good times and the bad. I never

have to explain, He understands before I speak it. No

problem is too large or too small. He wants hear it all.

Not that He has to hear it from you, He knows. He just

wants to be there for you and share with you.


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Yes the Lord our God, our Savior, our King is a

great listener. Oh but take the time to listen to Him andyou will be amazed. Listen through the beauty of His

creation. Listen through His Holy Word, read the scrip-

tures. Listen by being still and feeling His presence. If

we keep Him in our heart and continually be lled by

His Spirit we can hear Him through our thoughts. His

Sprit will search our hearts and make all our needs

known to Him.

Communicate with the Lord daily. Keep it on

going all day long. Include Him in all that you do.

Communication is not one way. Do your share of

listening along with your talking. Doing this wont

completely keep things running smoothly, it will just

seem that way because He will be there battling with

you. Invite Him along. In this world evil exists andit is always battling against good. It is all in how we

respond to the challenges in life that dictates who we

are. The Lord teaches us how to respond, the world

teaches us how to react.

We can respond in the Lords way and have joy and

comfort in our life. Or we can react in the worlds way

and be stressed worrying about justice being served. If


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we demand justice for others we must demand justice for

ourselves. I am not sure I want face the justice I deserve.I want to face the justice Christ bought for me. I realize

there are laws created by our government and people

are subject to them and must pay the consequences in

this world for breaking those laws. God, though, is the

nal judge who will judge our life as a whole. He will

offer us a choice. We can choose His judgment and let

the chips fall where they may. I myself make the other

choice. I choose His grace through the blood of Jesus. It

is only through repenting and accepting Jesus sacrice

can we choose grace. Through His grace we can con-

verse with Him. For without the blood covering our

inequity He cannot even look at us, for all have sinned

and fall short of the Glory of God.

The old hymn says take it to the Lord in prayer. Bein constant contact with Him bring every thing good

and bad to Him. Lay it at the alter. Listen for His voice

of encouragement. Keep the lines of communication

open so He can speak with you at any moment and

you can hear His voice. Stop listening to yourself go

on and on and keep your ears and your heart ready to

hear the Lords word and heed what He has to say.


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What Are My Motives inMy Life Story

I

often wonder what my motives are. There is that

constant desire from my natural side that wants to

be accepted, wants to avoid conict, and wants to be

the good guy. This causes a struggle with Gods Spirit

within me that demands I do what is right no matter

the consequences. I am to speak the truth and not to

placate. The struggle is also why I am doing the thingsI do. Is it to get something in return? Is it to feel loved?

Is it to be liked? Do I give in or avoid acting to prevent

conict? (Which by the way often fails, conict hap-

pens anyway.) Is it to protect what I want or think God

wants? Or do I do what I do out of appreciation of the

love God has shown me? Is it an unconditional love

expecting nothing in return? Do I speak what is Gods


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desire in situations or do I speak to protect what I am

trying to accomplish aside from God? Do I speak His

truth and trust that He will take care of the rest?

Is it the love of God I am striving for or the love of

the world? Understanding this requires two principles:

First the love of God cannot be earned it is a free gift.

Second love from the world will never be achieved

because those of the world do not know true love. The

worlds love is selsh love given only when there is

something in it for the one dispensing the love. It is

an unfullling love because there are strings attached.

Only the love of God is fullling. Only love given

unselshly is fullling.

There are times you are going to follow God and

people are going to get hurt because you are not doing

what they desire. It is difcult when you see this. You

feel the guilt because they are hurt. You feel anger and

hurt because they put a guilt trip on you, especially

when you have done much for them in the past.

So what is my answer to these questions? Is my

motive to serve God and love others as He has loved

me? Or is my motive selsh?


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Unfortunately, although I believe my answer is typ-

ically yes to the rst question, it is too many times yes

to the second question. My hope is that I can get to the

point that my answer is always yes to the rst.

My prayer, Lord, is that you search my heart and

purge it of the selsh love. Fill me with your Spirit

that I may know your will and do your will. I under-

stand people will not always understand my motives

and think I am only out to get something in return. My

desire is to do good in return for the love you have

shown me Father, not to get anything in return. Help

me Lord to do what I do with more understanding and

more compassion. Help others to see it is your love in

me that drives me. I want my story to be about you

Lord and about your amazing love, because I know it is

true. Replace that desire to be part of the in crowd withthe desire to be in with You. I want Your motives to be

my motives. Give me Your words to speak not mine.

Help me to speak of Your loving kindness and show

others Your way is the only way. I want Your ways to

be my ways. My love, Lord, is for you above all.


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Moments of Uneasinessin My Life

There are times I have moments of uneasiness. As I

write I am in one of those. There are times where

I am confused about what God wants from me. What

are His plans? Some of these times I feel I am strug-

gling with God like Jacob did. Am I struggling because

I dont want to let Him have His way or is this a time

to make me stronger or is it a time I need to touch

someones life and the struggle is actually theirs? Life

can be a real battle. In life there are the things that are

right in the eyes of man and there are the things that

are right in the eyes of God. As I go through life I have

two struggles with this. One is a struggle with myself

and one with others.


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With myself the struggle comes from two places.

One comes from my desires from the natural man inme. The second struggle comes from fear. Fear to let

God control, fear of what I might lose. In reality my

fear should be if I dont follow God. Following God

is always gain; there are always blessings in following

Him. I know this yet I nd myself time and time again

struggling.

Often I am in struggles with others over what is

truly right. They will present all the arguments that

from the worlds point of view make sense. We can

often take a narrow view of circumstances, rather than

looking through Gods wide angle lens. We can make

decisions that appear to be good for us without con-

cern for how it may affect others. Unfortunately it is

not always clear, especially when we mix in too muchof the worlds view with Gods. We end up limiting

what He wants us to do. He allows us to limit our

blessings.

There are times when I am doing the right thing but

others feel I am wronging them. I can get hung up and

feel guilty because of how others react to my choices.

Nothing we do affects us alone. If I am acting on the


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will of God I am not responsible for choices others

make based on my choices. It does grieve me even so.

I always hope people will choose Gods way and it is

painful to me when they do not.

When I am pained or concerned people do not

understand. From the worlds perspective it is their

problem and I should not be concerned. Fortunately

God does not have that view. When we choose sin

He could have let us go and said to bad, you made

your choice. But He did not. Instead He set His plan to

restore us to a right relationship with Him through the

blood of His Son.

I thank God He does not let me go. I thank God He

allows the struggles in my life that make me stronger.

I thank God that I can come back when I stray. I thank

God He has great plans for my life. I pray I see His plan

clearly and I pray for the strength that comes only from

Him to see it through.

I feel the uneasiness lift as I write these words about

my life with Him. My story is His story because He

created me; He set my story in action. My life belongs

to Him. I exist for His purpose, not mine.


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Center Stage in my Life Story

Oclap your hands, all peoples; shout to Godwith the voice of joy. Psalm 47:1Who is it in a play that gets the most applause?

The star of the show receives the nal ovation, often a

standing ovation. The star will take center stage. The

leading character is usually the focus of the story per-

formed on the stage.

Who is it at center stage in my life story? God is

at the center, although I often try to make the focus

on me, I try to take center stage and receive the great

applause. I push Him into a supporting role.

When I allow God center stage, to take the leading

role my story plays out just as He has scripted it. All the

parts fall into place. There is a part of me who wants


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rst place in the opening credits. But it is not about me

it is about God.I have at times tried to protect the status quo, saying

I am doing this to protect the programs God wants in

place. I think that I have to make it happen or I have to

make sure nothing infringes on what God wants to do. I

am so wrong when I think this way. God does not need

my protection of programs He wants to keep going.

I remember a time when I was trying to make sure a

singles bible study was not affected by changes others

wanted to make in the singles program. Rather than

stand against the changes as I knew God wanted me

to, I set up a plan I felt would keep the bible study safe.

I did this in fear that the others would not listen and

take away from my bible study time.

There were several problems in this situation.

1. I let down a friend who expected me to support

him.

2. I thought of it as my bible study.

3. I did not trust God to take care of His bible

study.

4. Most of all I was not obedient to God.


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I convinced myself I was doing what was right. I

felt this even after my plan failed. It was several yearslater that I nally realized how wrong I was.

We can blind ourselves when we take center stage.

The lights shine in our eyes and we cannot see all that

is going on.

God often will put us in a position of responsibility.

When He does we need to act responsibly and obey

Him. We must stay the course no matter what the con-

sequences are or appear to be. If not, the consequences

of disobedience are far worse.

I can have situations where I will panic and feel

something is not going to get done. That is when I can

mess it up. When I wait on God it always works out.

I dont mean to say just sit around and let God do it.

I mean wait on His prompting, then act. I need to bathmyself in Gods word and be in communication with

Him always to be in touch with His will. There are

times God may want us to step up and take a leading

role in His story. It is vital that we remember we must

be ever vigilant and follow His story line. It is too easy

to get hung up on our self importance that is when we

fail. God put us there and God can remove us.


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I have found when I stick with it against insur-

mountable odds and keep in Gods will there is nothingthat cannot be accomplished. To succeed I need to do

my part and allow God to do His. He must be in con-

trol, I must follow my assignment.

Some of the most satisfying accomplishments have

been when I have own under the radar and things hap-

pened so smoothly no one noticed; no one that is except

God. I get in trouble when I desire too much credit. On the

other hand I seem to get more credit when I give it away.

It works so well, the more you give away the more you

get. It is not always like kind, but it is always blessings.

To God be the glory, great things He has done. All

that I have accomplished for good is of Him.

When He is at center stage life is good. When I am

at center stage I am blinded by the light and stumblearound.

The credits in the story of my life as follows:

Cast

God as Himself

Everyone else as friends and family

Me as a servant of the Everlasting Father


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How I Get Through

Ihave written some of these chapters as I go throughthe tough chapters in my life. This writing has alwaysgotten m through. I have been able to get my thoughts

down in front of me and have been able to confront. But

there are other times I have re-read what I had written

before and it was exactly what I needed right at that

moment in my life. How does that happen?

As I write today I have been going through a toughtime. It has been a struggle every day. I have gotten

through only because I have been discussing my strug-

gles and challenges with God, constantly asking for His

direction. And no, He does not get tired of us going to

Him for help.

It just so happens that the last three chapters had

been hand written but not yet typed out. As a matter


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of fact I had not written for several months. I was sud-

denly moved to add these previous three writings into

my story. They were exactly what I needed.

First were my motives pure? Was I right to be both-

ered about my current circumstances. After evaluation

I felt my motives were not out of line. Second I felt

some uneasiness, I began to wonder if I was not doing

my part as was inferred. I evaluated and found I was

doing my job and this one person did not understand

my methods correctly. Third was I looking for center

stage or was I just trying to make the production suc-

cessful in my supporting role. I found once again my

motives were right. You see I had made a commitment

to stand by my prayer partner, who is now head of the

department and do all I could do to help make him

successful.

This writing made me see I was on track with God.

I asked a number of men to pray that I would choose

my words wisely when I speak. After all this, a situa-

tion that could have turned into an ugly confrontation

melted away. God gave me words that were clear and

to the point all day. We had a very successful meeting.


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and stress about it. I will continue to do what I believe

needs to happen, as guided by God and address mybosses concerns as well. So while the issues are real

and there will still be frustrations, I need not let myself

get out of control.

My prayer is to say thank you Lord for hearing me

out. You let me pour it all out and then you act. You

took center stage.


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Just What Is It I Want To Do

Paul says in Romans 7:15-20 I do not understandwhat I do. For what I want to do I do not do, butwhat I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do,

I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I

myself who does it, but it is sin living in me. I know that

nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature.

For I have desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry

it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no,

the evil I do not want to do this I keep on doing.

In Romans 7:24-25 he goes on to say, What a

wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body

of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our

Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to Gods

law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.


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The whole question of what I want to do in my

life, day to day for that matter, can be very confusing.There are two opposing natures pulling at me. That is

why this writing by Paul to the Romans takes careful

reading, but it says what I feel. It can be a daily struggle

at times to see clearly.

Things run around in my mind intermixing with

what I know is right and what my natural man wants

to do. The battle can be very intense and many times I

give in and do what I dont want to do from my spiri-

tual natures point of view.

The mind is an amazing thing; it can convince you

that anything is okay. I can look at a sinful desire from

so many different angles I can completely justify it

in my mind. I am not saying that the initial desire is

sinful, but the dwelling on it, and if I go that far, actingon it is. These are what make it sinful. We can train our

mind to focus on listening to our Counselor, the Holy

Sprit of God.

It is so easy to fall into the trap. It starts out with

something popping into your mind or something you

see. That is why it is so important we are careful of

what we expose ourselves to. I know some of it is just


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out there where we cannot avoid it, but we need to look

away and not burn in the image. I speak from experi-ence, the images come back.

When something pops in my mind my natural side

says that looks fun or that would feel good. Then the

imprint of Gods Spirit tells me hold on. Then the battle

begins. I end up with a choice. Sometimes the natural

desire and my mind put up a great argument. How do

I overcome?

Well I dont always overcome, but I clearly know

how. I need to go to God, call on His Holy Spirit to take

control and give me strength. It is only then I am set

free.

We have been given that choice of which path to

follow. We can take the wrong path of constantly giving

in to our natural desires or the path of righteousnesswhich can only be followed by following Christ. Sadly

there are detours and I have taken some. But the good

news is that if you dont go too far you can get back on

track. God has blessed me with the vision to get back

on track.

This does not mean it is okay to take those occa-

sional detours on purpose. You never know when you


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have gone too far. That detour may lead to eternal

destruction. It is clear there is only one way to stayon the right path and that is through the perfect love

of God through His Son and our Savior Jesus Christ.

Their only two paths: the one to perfect love and the

other to perfect judgment. I for one know I could not

withstand the perfect judgment, so I have chosen the

path to perfect love and eternity with God.


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The In Crowd

There is a song from back in the 1950s or 60sabout being in with the in crowd. People, myselfincluded, want to be in with the in crowd. We want to

be considered cool. It hurts when we are excluded.

For me there are times I am in and times I am out.

The important thing is how I act when I am in. Do I

remember what it was like to be out? Do I remember

the hurt and pain? Sadly to say this is not always.

I remember a time when I was in the seventh or

eighth grade. I had a paper route and one of the rewards

for getting new subscriptions to the newspaper was

a weekend trip to the mountains. I experienced both

being out than in on that same weekend. I was there

with two others guys from my garage. The term garage


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comes from a group of paper boys meeting at some-

ones garage to pick up their papers for delivery.Well when we arrived and were choosing cabins to

stay in one of the guys I was there with decided I was

too un-cool to stay with them and wouldnt let me in

the cabin. I was now an outcast and had to nd another

cabin with some guys I didnt know.

In this other cabin for some reason the in crowd

of self proclaimed cool guys thought I was alright

and included me in their group. Sad to say I did not

remember my previous experience that same weekend.

I got a little arrogant and was not nice to some of the

outsiders, they just werent that cool.

Over time I have learned that it is much better to

befriend the underdog, the one people look down on.

Jesus did this. He could have come and hung with thepious religious leaders. He could have been in with the

in crowd and done what the in crowd did. The self pro-

claimed in crowd that is.

Jesus came to be with the outcast, the ones searching

for a savior. Because of this Jesus was treated as an out-

cast. Here He was the creator of the universe, Through

Him all tings were made, John 1:3, being treated as an


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outcast. The tables will turn. Those who thought they

were so great will be cast out. Those who were thoughtto be low life will become part of the in crowd if they

repent and believe in Christ Jesus as their personal

Savior and friend.

I have been in and out of the so called in crowd in

this world. But I have always been part of Gods crowd.

No matter what others may think of me I know God

believes in me because I believe in Him. He is always

by my side and there is no one better to have there.

No matter the mistakes we have made in the past

we need always to search for the better way, the only

way. That way is Christ. We need to love as He loved.

No where does He tell us to judge as He will for He is

the only one worthy to be that nal judge.


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On Track

As I am writing this I am sitting on the train onthe way to work. The train needs to stay on thetrack to get the passengers where they are going. As a

matter of fact it could be a disaster if the train derailed.

There have been disastrous accidents when trains have

derailed.

I try so hard to stay on track, but there are times I

slip off the track of life. Once again it is about not doingwhat I want to do. Sometimes it is saying to others we

need to do this or that and not doing it myself.

My biggest fear is causing my family to get off track.

They have the choice to decide the track they will take,

but I do not want to be the one that causes them to miss

the right course to take in life. I just talked to Ashley

and Jaime about making excuse like well other people


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do it or even you do it so its not so bad or even okay. I

dont want to be the one who is used as an excuse.One of the ways for a train to derail is if something

gets in its path and a collision happens. In my life

something often gets in the way. Something always has

to be taken care of. We can get in a rut just dealing with

problems. It can be overwhelming. We can get focused

on the problems and miss the blessings.

God has never brought me problems only bless-

ings. Sometimes those blessings are a solution to prob-

lems life brings. God has always pulled me through; I

have no need to worry. That is not to say, as I have said

before, just sit and wait. To nd solutions you do have

to look for them, but look for them with God. Lewis

did not go off into the wilderness without Clarke. We

should not go it alone. What better partner to travelthrough life with than God. He knows the layout of the

track; with Him we can stay on that track and reach our

nal destination. He will help us through the obstacles

that arise as we take the train through life. Remember

that ultimate destination at the end of the line is eter-

nity with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is the

Son of God, who is God. Now I can in no way keep


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anyone else on track, but if I stay there myself, they

may see the way to Christ Jesus our Savior.My Moms favorite scripture was Psalm 23. Some

of those verses as follows: The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green

pastures, he leads me beside quite waters, he restores

my soul. Even though I walk through the valley of

the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for your rod

and your staff they comfort me. Surely goodness

and love will follow me all the days of my life and I

will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

This Psalm brings life into perspective and helps me

to see I can stay on track if I stay with the good shep-

herd. No matter what I come up against He is always

there. He restores my soul. He quiets the storm just

as He did when the disciples feared the storm tossingtheir boat around. The entire world and all of nature is

subject to Christ, with Him I can get through anything

that comes up against me. That condence is available

for everyone.

As I travel on this train I depend on the conductor

and engineer for a safe trip, to keep the train on track

and they usually do it. In life I depend on the conductor


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of life, the engineer who engineered all that there is. In

this case it is Christ and He will not fail. Christs trainis on course to that nal destination, get on board and

you will not derail not matter how bumpy the ride gets.

Not even when we are traveling through the valley of

the shadow of death. His train is heading to the moun-

tain of life. Dont miss that train; get on board before it

leaves the station. The time is set, but not published.

Dont be late because the train that follows leads to an

eternity of pain. Dont wait until you here the conductor

say Stand clear the doors are closing. Once they close

the train moves on and you will be left behind. Get on

board the Life Train it is Gods Love Train.


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Poured Out

For I am already being poured out like a drinkoffering, and the time has come for my depar-ture. I have fought the good ght, I have nished the

race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:6-7

Paul is facing the end of his life here. He will be put

to death for the cause of Christ. Oh that I will be able to

say at the end of my life I have fought the good ght,

have nished the race and kept the faith. Paul sacri-ced his life for the gospel. Have I?

There are many times in our lives were we are

poured out, we may even feel empty, completely

drained. Sometimes I have felt I was sacriced unjustly.

That may be true, but I still need to run a good race and

nish. Christ did just that as He said from the cross It

is nished.


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Who am I to have it any different? I may at times

be falsely accused, so was Christ. The difference is Hiswhole life is blameless. I have been misjudged in my

life, but I have also gone unpunished when I should

have been. Ultimately I am free from eternal judgment

because Christ poured out His life. In the same way,

after the supper He took the cup, saying This cup is

the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for

you. Luke 22:20

His blood was poured out for anyone who would

believe and accept His gift.

Right now, as I write, I have been poured out, falsely

accused and the truth I have spoken has been ignored.

This is not the end of my life, but it is the end of my

tenure in a position at work. As long as I am there I

must continue to run the good race and ght the goodght. I must accept this as Christ accepted the cross.

But the hand of him who is going to betray me is

with mine on this table. Luke 22:21 I feel I have been

betrayed by someone I trusted. It is not my place to

judge him as Christ will judge Judas, but it hurts more

none the less. As a matter of fact the one I feel betrayed

by feels he is right and has given me spiritual advice


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as a friend. His advice has not been conrmed to me

by God, as He always does. I must and have forgivenhim.

God has allowed this in my life and I do not yet fully

understand why, but I do know He has great things

in store. While I can ask for insight, it is not my place

to question God. Job was poured out by Satan. God

allowed it. When Job questioned God, God replied:

Who is this that darkens my counsel with words

without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man and

you shall answer Me. Where were you when I laid the

earths foundation? Job 38:2-4

Who am I to question God? He can pour me out

whenever He chooses, for what ever purpose. As Job

replied: I know You can do all things, no plan of

Yours can be thwarted. You asked who is this whothat obscures my counsel without knowledge? Surely I

spoke of things I did not understand, things too won-

derful for me to know. You said; Listen now and I will

speak: I will question you and you shall answer Me.

my ears had heard You but now my eyes have seen

You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and

ashes. Job 42:2-6


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While I felt led to speak the truth and answer the

accusations against me I am now to let go and waitfor God to do His will in my life. God allowed me to

speak my piece and get my frustrations out. Now it is

His turn to guide my actions. He will restore me to a

greater place, as He did Job.

Pour me out oh Lord that I may see the great things

you have planned. I will ght the good ght and it is

Your will that will prevail in the end.


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He Will Make MeVictorious In My Life

E

vil comes against us in full force. There are times

when someone for some reason I cannot gure

comes after me with a vengeance, trying to destroy me.

Right now, as I have been writing, is one of those times.

It has been going on for a year and just when I think I

see relief coming it intensies. I report to this person at

work and no matter what I do he is never satised. Itseems he never understands what needs to be accom-

plished and goes against me no matter what direction

I choose. I support him in meetings only to have him

put me down. It seems he is trying to get me red.

These times can really tear at you, especially since I

am 53 and fear nding another job. It also can make me

question am I wrong in how I do my job and I can begin


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to question my competence, even though I have be suc-

cessful in the past. When people constantly pound on

me I can question myself. Thank God He has given me

a couple of co-workers who support and encourage. I

see opportunities but God keeps saying not now.

I dont know what He has planned, but I know He

will protect me. This is my prayer, as it was Davids:

Rescue me, O Lord, from evil men; protect me from

men of violence, who devise evil plans in their hearts

and stir up war everyday. They make their tongues

as sharp as a serpents; the poison of vipers is on their

lips. Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked,

protect me from men of violence, who plan to trip my

feet. Proud men have hidden a snare for me; they have

spread out the cords of their net, and have set traps for

me along my path.

O Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, who shields

my head in the day of the battle do not grant the

wicked their desires, O Lord; O Lord, do not let their

plans succeed or they will become proud. Let the heads

of those who surround me be covered with the trouble

their lips have caused. Psalm 140 selected verses.


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Through these troubling times I also pray: Set a

guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over thedoor of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is

evil, to take part in wicked deeds with men who are

evildoers. Psalm 141:3-4

Yet my prayer is ever against the deeds of evil-

doers; their rulers will be thrown down from the cliffs,

and the wicked will learn that my words were well

spoken. Psalm 141:6

Even though others may attack me I must not fall

into their trap and return evil to them. I must pray that

I speak well, speak how God would have me speak. I

must give it to Him to ght the battle and He will be

victorious. He will vindicate me. Save me, O God, by

Your name, vindicate me by Your might. For He has

delivered me from all my troubles Psalm 54: 1,7Through attacks He delivers me; He vindicates

me and He will again. There are times I need to avoid

defending myself. In some cases it His desire to pull

me out of the mess so He will be gloried, so I will

depend on Him. In times like these He is my only

hope, nothing I do can save me; no one else is going to

save me. It is God alone who is my hope; God alone is


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my salvation. I must trust in Him and He will see me

through. Only He fully understands my ways and Hewill justify them, if I am in His will. Not even I fully

understand what I do. I just know that if I am in con-

trol things dont go as well, if He is, things are much

better. With Him I can endure much more than I can

alone.


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After This

After this, the Word of the Lord came to Abramin a vision Do not be afraid, Abram, I amyour shield, your very good reward. Genesis 15:1

After this, that is a phrase that can t into many

circumstances in my life. At times of disobedience, at

times of trial and at times of pure joy. Whatever this is,

God is with me. He is shielding me with His protec-

tion. He is constantly rewarding me, as He has prom-ised through Jesus Christ my savior, my shield, my

great reward.

God sent His Word to Abram and He sent His word

to me and to everyone. His Word is Christ, In the begin-

ning was the Word and The Word was with God, and

the Word was God. John 1:1 Christ, the Word, came

to make a covenant with us, as He did with Abram


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in Genesis 15. If you read all of chapter 15 in Genesis

you see the covenant was sealed with the shedding ofblood. In the gospel we see our covenant with Christ is

sealed with the shedding of blood, the blood of Christ,

just as He promised.

Through that covenant He has promised to be

with us always. Christ tells us not to be afraid. Jesus

immediately said to them take courage, it is I. Dont be

afraid. Matthew 14:27 The after this in this case is the

disciples were off on a boat without Jesus. It was stormy

and they saw Jesus walking on the water toward them,

they were scared. In my life I know it is the Lord who is

with me and I am able to take courage because of that.

There is a song I learned at camp when I was in high

school. It goes like this Here comes Jesus, see Him

walking on the water. Hell lift you up and help you tostand. He will lift you in all situations and help you to

stand. He has always done it for me. Because of Christ

I can get up whenever I am knocked down.

God is always with me and always will be. And

surely I am with you always, to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20b. This part of the gospel of Matthew is

about the great commission. We are to go out and teach


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Gods truth to others knowing He is with us always

and in all things.As a life long believer I have condence in Him

always being there with me. I choose to stay with Him

and accept His great reward. My son, the father

said, you are always with me, and everything I have

is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because

this brother of yours was dead and is alive again, he

was lost and is found. Luke 15:31-32

As I stay in Him the reward is great, but I also cel-

ebrate when one dead in sin, as I would be without the

savior, returns and is born again. After this, after Gods

great reward, I need to share this promise with others.

Then as God draws them to Himself they can also say

after this I can take courage and not be afraid.

I am not afraid because the one I see walking on thewater to save me is Christ the Lord. The Word of God

who came in esh to take away the sins of the world.

He saves us in all situations. As I have been writing in

pervious pages, these have been very trying times for

me, but now I see the reward on the horizon. I see my

vindication because of my faithfulness to staying the

course and doing what is right no matter what I come


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up against. I also see it is God and God alone who has

brought me through after this all I can do is praise Godfor His faithfulness.


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Now What

Ineed to see and be obedient to Gods new planfor this phase of my life. There is someone at mycurrent job assignment or other contacts through this

consulting He wants to touch through me. I also see

this new position is to free me up to invest more in my

number one priority, continuing to give my children

every opportunity to see God. While they have to make

the choice, they need to see Him in me. I know my jobcan be consuming so my prayer is that the Lord shows

me how to manage my time and still garner honor with

any client I am working with. We have so few years left

with them at home. Julie and I need to do whatever it

takes to teach them truth; for God is Truth; teach them

love; for God is Love; teach them life; for God is Life;

teach them the way; for Jesus is the Way to God. I am


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the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the

Father except through me. John 14:6We need them to walk in the light, for God is Light.

This is the message we have heard from Him and

declare to you. God is light; in Him there is no dark-

ness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet

walk in darkness we lie and do not live by truth. But if

we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fel-

lowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His

Son, puries us from all sin. I John 1:5-7

It is tough as I dont really have more time. Also

now that I have to drive everyday, rather than take the

train, I have been less diligent in my study of Gods

word and my journaling. The plus is that my job is not

consuming my mind with negative situations. I am

able to think more clearly. I also am getting more sleepbecause I dont have to get up as early. This all allows

me to focus on what is important when I am away from

work.

A lesson I am learning currently is how important it

is to insure my kids feel loved. We all took a test (Julie

the girls and I) and found that way we feel loved is

through afrmation. It is important to create that envi-


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ronment in our home. I see it very clearly by the afr-

mation I receive in my new work environment makesmy mind clearer to focus on the important issues in my

family.

I also see how presenting issues and concerns to my

kids from a position of love works better. It reminds me

that I am so thankful to our Lord that He comes from

a position of love rst. It is only if we fail to respond to

His love that we face His judgment. But it is good He

is so patient. How better to honor Him than to treat my

kids, everyone for that matter, with the same love and

compassion He has shown me for my entire life.

So now I am reminded again that no matter what I

go through He will be there and I can stay strong and

persevere knowing there are greater rewards ahead. I

dont know if it can get any better, but it will. UltimatelyI will be with Jesus in glory, not for anything I have

done but for what He has done for me.

So now what? Continue to praise His name for all

He has done and for who He is.


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Upside Down Sheep

Ever had your live turned upside down with noclue what to do? It seems everything is goingwrong no matter what you do. For me when that hap-

pens it seems I cant even breathe, panic can set in and

nothing helps to turn it around.

It is like an upside down sheep. When a sheep falls

over they cannot get up, they end up on their back

struggling. Their stomach lls up with gases, then

they become bloated and would die. That is unless the

shepherd turns them over and gets them on their feet.

The shepherd must be ever vigilant to see the troubled

sheep turned upside down.

The Good Shepherd is ever vigilant. The Good

Shepherd is Jesus Christ. He is always there for us to


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turn to. The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I

need. Psalm 23:1 Jesus said, I am the good shepherd.my sheep

know me they listen to my voice, and they follow

me. John 10:14, 27

As the sheep knows the shepherds and allow him

to assist and guide, we can be at peace by listening for

the Good Shepherds voice, He will guide us through

and get us upright again.

In my life I have always been able to depend on

that peace He gives me Even though I walk through

the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for

Thou are with me. Psalm 23:4

When those struggles come I can get in a state of

panic, but then I stop, go to my Lord and hear His

voice and the panic subsides. He hears my prayerand answers. Sometimes He answers before I pray

or even before I know its panic time. He circumvents

what could have been a very difcult situation. There

are times where I am going through a very frustrating

period and cant get where I want to be, then I nd if

I had not been there some other situation would not

have worked it self out.


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My Good Shepherd is always vigilant. Is He your

Good Shepherd, heed His call and you will have peacein all things. Worship and Him and you will have joy.


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Through My Fathers Eyes

See it through their eyes or walk a mile in their shoes.Youve probably heard these saying related tolooking at things from looking at things from someone

elses perspective. You can also look at people from

two perspectives: one as the world sees them and two

as our Holy Father sees them.

In my life I can clearly see a huge difference in how

I see people at a given moment. When I am looking

through the worlds eyes or even my own I see weak-

ness when they dont measure up to what the world or

I expect. I might be envious of their success from this

perspective.

When I look at them through the Fathers eyes I

have a more tender vision of them. I may see their inse-


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curities or I may see a great strength in them, that the

world sees as weakness.

You see the Fathers eyes look past outward appear-

ances and actions. I have noticed people are even

better looking when I view them as the Father does.

Our Holy Father looks right into the heart and sees all

the joys and all the pains. He knows why they act the

way they do. We have this understanding of others if

we listen to their stories and observe how they react or

respond in various settings. Get to know them as the

Father does. While our vision will not ever be as clear

as the Fathers, we can see more clearly those of the

world. We need to ask for His wisdom, discernment

and vision and we will see.

Sometimes my heart aches when I watch from

the Fathers perspective. I see such pain in so many.

I wish I could take that pain away, but only our heav-

enly Father can. We all search for approval, when I nd

my self searching and am full of dismay I can always

nd all I need through the blood of Christ my Savior.

Through His sacrice I have been approved. We need

to offer that approval to others, show them the same


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approval the Father has. How can I disapprove when

the Father has approved me in all my shortcomings.While we wont approve of all the things someone

does, we still can approve them. We can do this when

we see them through the Fathers eyes.


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Mercy on Me

Sometimes life can be overwhelming, not so muchwith big stuff, but with a multitude of little stuff.It seems like there is one struggle after another, or a

thousand small tasks to accomplish and all need to be

done right now. I dont seem to be able to get my head

above water.

Sometimes it is other people acting crazy and you

cant get them to communicate, to work through the

problem. Everything around you is out of control and

you cannot get a handle on it.

Im there right now. It seems either Im crazy or

everyone else is. Of course that is an exaggeration, but

it seems that way none the less, with a few moments of

sanity thrown in.


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We are living in a world gone crazy. People take no

personal responsibility, they want it all given to them

on a silver platter. We are living beyond our means in

the United States. Things start going down and there is

that knee jerk reaction. This over reaction makes things

worse.

I can only say Lord have mercy on me, help me

through these struggles. It is only in the Lord I have

hope, only He will show me mercy. Even when it seems

there is no hope and no relief in sight, I know there is

hope, it always comes.

If it does not come in this life time it will come

through His promise of salvation. Christ promised

tough times for His followers. But only for His fol-

lowers there is peace, a peace He gives us that sur-

passes all understanding.

In the end it will all work out and it may be in the

end, not sooner. Never the less I will cling to the hope

I have in Christ Jesus. All I want is to give that hope to

those I care for. Sometimes I dont want to show the

mercy I desire to others. At times it is a struggle. But

how can I have mercy if I dont show it.


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How do I overcome this? I dont alone, the Lord

helps me. In the midst of my frustrations He will giveme insight into anothers pain, they may not even show

it to me, but the Lord opens my eyes. When I am then

able to show mercy I will receive it.

When I say Lord have mercy on me, He says show

mercy to others and I will.


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Expanding The Horizonin My Life

B

lessed be the God and Father of our Lord

Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every

spiritual blessing in the heavenly place in Christ.

Ephesians 1:3

Oswald Chambers writes on scriptures in his works

The Message of Invincible Consolation (MIC) and The

Moral Foundation of Life (MFL).Oswald says The sanctied saint has to alter the

horizon of other peoples lives, and does it my showing

that they can be lifted into a higher place by the grace

of God, that is, into heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

(MIC) He further says The Spirit of God is always the

spirit of liberty; the spirit that is not of God is the spirit

of bondage, the spirit of oppression and depression.


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The Spirit of God convicts vividly and tensely, but He

is always the spirit of liberty. (MIL)This hit me hard this morning because there are

people in my life that need their horizon altered. I see

so many in bondage, whose views are so limited to the

right here and the right now. They cannot see past he

challenges in their life and therefore cannot see solu-

tions that will set them free.

When the spirit of this world invades your life you

cannot see clearly; it is like you are in a fog, trapped

with no way out. Believe me I have been there. Even

though I have lived in the freedom of the Spirit of God

and seen over the horizon and have clear visions of the

heart of God, I have been there.

The other morning I woke up very overwhelmed

with all that is going on in my life, the right here andthe right now syndrome. The feeling was I wanted out

of my body, I felt trapped. Fortunately for me these

moments are brief, because I know the Spirit of God; I

now He will give me the answer or at least tell me He

is in control and I can resolve it.

The older I get and the closer to God I get, all the

more I want to see liberty the Spirit of God gives me in


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others. Unfortunately it is not a gift I can give, it is from

God alone and everyone must accept and experience itthemselves.

What I can do is rise above the chaos that surrounds

me and hope others see a glimpse of what lies over the

horizon and will desire a longer look.

Oswald Chambers also said, God who made the

birds never made bird cages; it was human beings who

made bird cages.

When you try to escape and you hit your head on

the top or run into the side enough, you stop trying

for freedom. So many I see cannot get out of their self

made cage. Maybe they built the cage to protect them-

selves from the world, but they have actually allowed

the world to imprison them.

What caused them to walk right in? SometimesGod reveals this to me, which allows me to have

understanding and empathy. It breaks my heart and

many times I cannot even tell them because they are

not willing to hear it, or at least not from me. But

understanding helps me be more patient and not be

angry when they lash out in pain. It helps me listen

and maybe help them have a moment of peace. It helps


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me love them and it is love, Gods love in me, which

can ultimately set them free.

The fact that God has allowed me the vision to see

this in some people is a wonderful, but painful gift.

My heart can be so heavy sometimes because of the

pain and sorrow I see that they cannot see because

it is so buried. I have seen it come to the surface in

cases and that can wreck havoc in lives and destroy

relationships.

Sometimes I dont want that heavy heart this gift

can bring, especially when I cannot ease the persons

pain. But Christ had that heavy, broken heart for me so

I must endure, even when all I can do is be there and

hopefully speak an occasional word of wisdom from

God.

I look forward to the day I am with my Father in

heaven, but until then I must bear the burden He has

given me and bear it with joy and have peace that He

is in control. I am here to do His will; it is His task to

bring the lost to salvation and freedom; it is their task

to accept and escape the bird cage and y away like a

dove. As for me I have left that cage behind and will


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continue to expand my horizon and pray to God that

those I love will come along on a glorious journey.


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But As For Me

Many may attack you, maybe even those whoare close to you. That is the worst when theattack comes from close by.

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain

you; He will never let the righteous fall. But You O God

will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption;

blood thirsty and deceitful men will not live out half

their days. But as for me, I will trust in You. Psalm55:22-23

When the attack comes I cast my cares on Him. No

not all who attack me are those wicked who will be

cast into the pit of corruption and lose half their days.

It could be attacks on them they are trying to deal with,

maybe without the Lord. They need to cast their cares

as well.


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I can tend to give advice and even quote scripture.

I can talk and talk to no avail. When I do that I am not

casting my cares on Him. What works best is to go to

prayer, constant prayer. Maybe the Lord will give me

some words of wisdom form my troubled loved one. I

need to give it, then go back to prayer. They may not

heed what I pass on from the Lord right then, but I

have often seen it show up in their life later on, it may

be years. If my words of wisdom are form the God and

my prayer is consistent it will take hold. I have had

people repeat advice I have given back to me years

later. Sometimes it is advice I need and other times it

is conrmation from the Lord He is working on my

prayer requests for my loved one. It always gives me

joy.

So I will continue to trust in Him, I will wait for His

call to action, okay I will try to wait. I can be impatient,

but when I am patient I see the fruit. Some times it is

small steps, but progress just the same. Sometimes we

need to move ahead slowly because there is so much

pain associated with the past. So trust in the Lord and

take it at His pace, that always works best.


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I forget sometimes not everyone is where I am spir-

itually; some are just babes and learning. I must notfrustrate them along the path lest they stray. Others are

light years ahead of me in their walk and I must look

to them for guidance along my path.

We are all on our path some on the right path and I

need to encourage them, not overwhelm them. Others

are on the wrong path and I need to show them the

right way as the Lord leads me. Some will straighten

their path others will not, it is up to the Lord.

But as for me, I will trust in You my Lord and

Savior.


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The Value Of A Child

What is the value you put on a child. Do we asa society put value in the life of a child or arethey insignicant. Some see no value in life and will

take it for no reason. We recently saw a tragic situation

that really shook me as a Pro Life advocate. I see value

in all life and I was very disturbed by this situation.

A person who proclaimed to be Pro Life tragically

took the life of another human being. The man who losthis life was a doctor, someone who should be a saver of

lives. This doctor, however, was not. He was one of the

few providers of late term abortions. Some would say

stage of the pregnancy for any reason. I do not know

all the facts, but he did provide late term abortions.

In the mind of his killer the murder was justied.

As for me I see no justication being Pro Life means


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all life. While the state has the right to take a life for

certain crimes, it is not our individual right to be judgeand executioner.

This doctor was tried and found not guilty of

breaking laws related to abortion. Agree with the ver-

dict or not, he had his day in court.

We have the tragedy of all the innocent lives this

doctor was allowed to take followed by his own tragic

death. This does nothing for the Pro Life cause.

How did we get here, why are we so divided? Lets

take a look at two leaders speaking on the topic of

children.

One said Let the children alone and do not hinder

them coming to Me. The other said If one of my

daughters makes a mistake I dont want her punished

with a baby.The rst leader was Jesus Christ. He loved the chil-

dren and they were drawn to Him. The second leader

is, as I write, the current President of the United States,

Barrack Obama. The leader of the nation that founded

on the following statement We hold these truths to be

self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they

are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable


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Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pur-

suit of Happiness. Note that it says all mankind hasthe unalienable right to life. I dont believe that babies

are excluded from that statement.

Christ goes on to say for the kingdom of heaven

belongs to such as these Matthew 19:14

He went on to lay hands on them. They were in the

hands of the Savior. Blessed by the one who created it

all, the author of life.

Think about what the second leader is saying. A

baby is a punishment. Dare I say he proclaimed his

future grandchild could be a punishment? How might

his daughters feel if they heard this? Might they feel

they could have been considered a punishment? How

is that showing love to a child, how is that teaching

them to value and care for others? I was devastatedwhen I heard those words spoken. I have no under-

standing of how someone could think that way.

This is less an indictment of one man than it is an

indictment of where we have come as a society. To pin

this on him alone is not my point. Many I have spoken

to about this statement are not even bothered, that dev-

astates me even more.


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Roe v Wade was one ruling by the Supreme Court

that has caused the taking of more lives than all thewars our country has been in combined. I believe the

numbers are over 49 million children and ve doctors.

These are lives that did not need to be taken.

The only knowledge that gives my any peace is

In the Hands of the Father

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