FAIRY TALES ON TRIAL

Book by Judy Wolfman

Music and Lyrics by David Reiser

Fairy Tale Justice Copyright 2010

by Judy Wolfman

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FAIRY TALE JUSTICECast of Characters

THE FAMILYLITTLE GIRL Sweet, loves stories – both to hear and to tell. Costume – nightgown orpajamas.

FATHER Loving, kindly, attentive to his daughter. Costume – pajamas with a bathrobeover them; bedroom Slippers.

MOTHER Sweet, loving, also attentive to her daughter. Costume – nightgown or pajamascovered by a bathrobe; Slippers.

COURT ROOMBAILIFF A dignified, well-spoken person, in charge of the Courtroom. Costume – darktrousers, white shirt with tie.

GUARD Does his job well, but tends to get easily sidetracked. Costume – dark trousers,dress shirt with tie.

JUDGE Very professional and authoritative, good listener. Costume – black robe.

THE THREE LITTLE PIGSMAMA PIG Sweet, but annoyed that her sons have lived with her so long. She’s anxious tohave them leave, but trying to hide this feeling. Costume – house dress, pig’s ears and curlytail.

GUS A bit lazy, wants everything the easy way. Not too sure of himself. Costume - darkpants (knickers), colorful shirt, colorful vest, pig’s ears and tail.

JOE Not quite as lazy as Gus, but still doesn’t want to work too hard. A little surer ofhimself, and a bit brighter. Costume – dark knickers, colorful shirt, colorful vest, pig’s earsand tail.

AL Very sure of himself, smart, hard worker. Costume – dark knickers, colorful shirt, vest.Pig’s ears and tail.

1st SALESMAN Fast talking con man. Costume - a loud outfit – mismatched colors anddesign.

2nd SALESMAN Glib tongue, alert, picks up on things fast. Costume - a bright, colorfuloutfit, but not mismatched.

3rd SALESMAN Meek, mild, soft spoken, mannerly – almost apologetic.Costume - a matched outfit with quiet colors and rather drab.

WOLF Cocky, practical joker. Easily angered but able to control his temper. He’s moresubtle and mischievous – not really trying to be harmful. Costume – baggy pants, T-shirt,suspenders. Should have wolf’s features – ears, busy tail.

THE THREE BILLY GOATS GRUFFTROLL Serious, easily upset and reacts in a rather volatile manner. Costume – dressed likea bum – ragged clothing, tangled hair, dirty shoes with holes in them.

LITTLE GOAT Swaggers when he walks – tries to act “cool”.Costume – hippie attire -flare pants, colorful shirt, beads. Goat ears, tail and small goatee.

MEDIUM GOAT Also swaggers, with a little heavier step than the little goat. A bit cockyand sure of himself. Costume – hippie attire – jeans, fancy shirt, beads, goat ears, tail,goatee that is a little longer than his brother’s.

BIG GOAT Very sure of himself; almost arrogant – heavy-footed, deliberate steps, cocky.Talks tough. Costume – leather jacket, fancy shirt, beads, goat’s ears, tail and longer goateethan his brothers.

THE THREE BEARSGOLDILOCKS Sweet, innocent young thing. Costume – simple dress, sneakers.

PAPA BEAR Strong character – quick to get upset and react to things but manages to gaincontrol. Costume – trousers, shirt, bear’s ears, nose and tail.

MAMA BEAR Typical mother figure – concerned about her family. Tries to keep everyonehappy. Costume – housedress, bear’s ears, nose and tail.

BABY BEAR A bit of a wimp. Has a great imagination. Is easily upset and quick to cry. Costume – shorts, T-shirt, bear’s ears, nose and tail.

ADDITIONAL CHARACTERS FORMING A JURY COULD BE ADDED

SCENE 1: SUZY’S BEDROOM

(AT RISE: Lights come up on SUZY’s bedroom, Stage left - early evening. She is sitting up in bed. Her father stands next to her, holding an open book of fairy tales in hishands)

FATHERAnd the three little pigs never saw WOLF again. (He closes the book) Now, Suzy, it’s timefor you to get some shuteye.

SUZYDaddy, I love to hear you read. Please read another story.

FATHERI’ve already read three of them – you heard “The Three Billy Goats Gruff,” “The ThreeBears” and “The Three Little Pigs.” Isn’t that enough for one night?

SUZYPulleese, Daddy. Just one more?

FATHERNo more tonight, honey. I promise I’ll read more tomorrow. You need to get a good night’ssleep so you’ll be ready for school. (He leans over and kisses her on the forehead)Goodnight. Sleep tight.

SUZYDaddy, the stories you read upset me.

FATHERUpset you? Why? What upset you?

SUZYWell, in all of the stories, one of the characters was not nice, or did something wrong, andnothing was done about it. Like the wolf – he tried to blow down and destroy the pigs’homes and never even said he was sorry.

FATHERHmmm, that’s true.

SUZYAnd the troll was so mean – he wouldn’t let any of the goats go over his bridge to get to theother side so they could eat some good grass. And it wasn’t even really his bridge! Who didhe think he was, anyway?

FATHERYou’ve got a point there.

SUZYAnd poor Goldilocks – she didn’t go into the bear’s home to do any harm – she just wantedto taste the porridge, sit down and later take a nap.

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FATHERI see what you mean. Suppose you sleep on those stories, and tomorrow we’ll talk aboutwhat you think should have happened to them. It’s past your bedtime, so shut your eyes anddream pleasant dreams. (He pulls up the covers, kisses her again, and leaves)

SUZYOK, Daddy. Goodnight. (She hugs her teddy, snuggles under the covers, yawns and is soonsound asleep – making light snoring sounds. Colorful lights swirl and intro to A FULLSCHEDULE begins. Stage left fades to black. Stage right lights up to reveal a courtroomscene with a high bench)

SCENE TWO – THE COURTROOM

(The BAILIFF and GUARD stand in front of the bench and sing)

SONG: A FULL SCHEDULE

GUARD: WE’VE GOT A FULL SCHEDULE TODAY,BAILIFF: SO THEY SAY.GUARD: WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU MANAGED TO HEAR?BAILIFF: SEEMS THAT WE’RE

TRYING A WOLF WHO’LL PROB’LY BE FOUNDGUILTY OF BLOWING TWO HOUSES DOWNWITH ONLY HIS BREATH.

GUARD: YOU’RE JOKINGBAILIFF: NO, HE IS CHARGED WITH DESTROYING PROPERTYGUARD: Waves hand by his noseHIS BREATH MUST BE AWFULLY STRONG.BAILIFF: NO, YOU’RE WRONGGUARD: THEN HOW DID HE DO IT?BAILIFF: HE SUCKED IN AND BLEW IT

WITH SUCH GREAT FORCE IT WAS QUITE ENOUGH –ALL THAT HE DID WAS HUFF AND PUFF.

GUARD: AMAZING! WHO ARE THE PLAINTIFFS?BAILIFF: THEY’RE

THREE PIGS.GUARD: THAT WOLF MUST HAVE LOTS OF AIR!BAILIFF: A SUZY HAS TO FACE

A TRESPASSING CASE.GUARD: THEY’RE PUTTING A SUZY ON TRIAL?BAILIFF: A BEAR FAM’LY SAID

THEY FOUND HER IN BEDIN THEIR HOME.

GUARD: BUT SHE IS JUST A CHILD.BAILIFF: THE JUDGE IS ABOUT TO COME IN.GUARD: LET’S BEGIN.BAILIFF: SO MANY CASES TO PLEAD!

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GUARD: LET’S PROCEED.BAILIFF: WE’LL BE DOING OVERTIME.GUARD: WAKE ME WHEN IT’S OVER, I’M

TAKING A NAP TILL IT’S DONE.BOTH: ‘CAUSE CROWDED COURTROOM DOCKETS AREN’T MUCH FUN!

BAILIFFWell, here comes the Judge. As the Judge enters and takes his place behind the bench, theBailiff says: All rise. (He beckons to the audience and gets them all to rise) Hear ye, hearye. All persons having business before this court shall draw nigh and give attention. Thishonorable court is now in session. (To the audience) You may be seated.

JUDGE(Stands and raps his gavel, then sits) Bring in the first case please, Bailiff.

BAILIFFYour honor, the Commonwealth of (name State) vs the Wolf, criminal act number 435,dated (today’s date).

JUDGEWhat’s the charge?

BAILIFFThe charge is destroying property, your Honor.

JUDGECall the accused to the bench.

BAILIFFWill the wolf approach the bench? (Wolf stands before the bench, looking up at the judge)Raise your right hand. (Wolf does) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, andnothing but the truth, so help you God?

WOLFI do.

JUDGE(Looking WOLF up and down) Well, well, well. So you’re the one who did all this damagehuh? (Shuffles through his papers) Let’s see now, according to the report, you single-handedly destroyed two houses by blowing them down. My, my. That’s pretty incredible.How in the world did you do that?

WOLFWell, your Honor, it really wasn’t hard to do. I just huffed, and I puffed, and I blew theirhouses in – like this…(He sucks in lots of air and blows hard. The judge’s papers blow allover the place) Those houses were poorly constructed – made of straw and sticks – and theyjust fell over.

JUDGE

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(Looking at the scattered papers) Now look what you’ve done. (The guard picks them up,puts them in order and hands them to the judge) Thank you, guard.

WOLF(Sheepishly) Sorry, your honor. I wasn’t thinking.

JUDGEYou can say that again.

WOLFSorry, your honor, I wasn’t thinking.

JUDGE(Reacts by rolling his eyes heavenward in disgust) Lets get on with this case. (Looks at hispapers) According to the charges, you blew down the houses of two innocent pigs in anattempt to catch them for your dinner.

WOLFOh, no, your honor! That’s not why I blew down their houses. I was just trying to be helpfuland show them how poorly constructed their houses were. I was just having a little fun.

JUDGEFun? What’s so much fun about destroying property that belongs to someone else?

WOLFWell, sir, if I may…

JUDGEWhy don’t you just tell me what happened. I’d like to hear about the events that led up tothis crime, and why you committed such a dastardly thing. Suppose you start at thebeginning and tell me your story.

WOLFSure, your Honor.

SCENE THREE – IN THE WOODS

WOLF(As WOLFf begins, the curtain slowly opens. MOTHER PIG and her THREE PIGS arestanding on stage left. As WOLF talks, he’s slowly moving onto the stage area from stageright) One day, while I was taking a walk in the woods, I overheard Mrs. Pig talking to herthree sons, saying …

MRS. PIGBoys, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and what I have to say is not easy for me.

JOEWhat is it, Mama?

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MRS. PIGAll of you are old enough now to be on your own, and I think it would be best if you eachhad your own home.

GUS(In surprise) Our own home? What do you mean, Mama?

MRS. PIGWhat I mean is, you should live in your own house and not with me anymore. You shouldbe free, independent, on your own…

AL(Interrupting) You mean…move out?

MRS. PIGYes – that’s exactly what I mean.

JOEBut where will we go?

GUSWho will wash our clothes?

ALWho will cook for us?

MRS. PIGYou’ll have to take care of yourselves. You’re all big boys now and should be able to be onyour own. In fact, you should have been out of here years ago! I guess I’ve been too softhearted – but enough is enough! (Getting melodramatic. I’ve worked my fingers to the bonefor you. My whole life has revolved around you. Ever since your daddy was taken away fora pig roast, I’ve protected you and cared for you. But now, I want to be free! I need to beme! (Getting a hold of herself and softening a bit) But I promise we’ll keep in touch. You’llalways be welcome to come home and visit whenever you want. And perhaps you can comefor dinner every Sunday.

ALSure, Mama. We understand. And you’re right – we’ve been dependent on you long enough.We can do it – can’t we boys? (Turns to his brothers)

JOE(Uncertainly) Yeah, we can do it – I guess.

GUS(With more certainty) Sure – we can do it.

ALThen lets get going, fellas. Good luck. (They shake hands all around, wishing each othergood luck, making comments and saying goodbye. Each, in turn, hugs Mrs. Pig, and exitsstage right)

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MRS. PIG(Exits after them, waving and calling) Don’t forget to write! I’ll look for you Sunday fordinner.

JOE(Returns to the stage from stage right, walks around the area, scratching his head andstopping every now and then to look around) Boy, now I’ve got to figure out where I’mgoing to live. (Looks around him). This seems to be a nice spot. I can’t think of any reasonwhy I shouldn’t build my house right here. (Muses to himself). … build my house…buildmy house. Hmm, what am I going to build my house with? (He looks around the area, andas he does so, a man carrying three bundles of straw on his back enters from stage left. Theman listens to Joe, then approaches him)

MAN 1Hey, buddy, did I hear you say you want to build a house?

JOEYes, as a matter of fact, you did. I plan to build my house right here, but I don’t know whatto make it out of.

MAN 1Well, sir, you are indeed in luck. (He removes the bundles of straw from his back) Righthere I have the finest straw you’ll ever find. It’s light, easy to handle, and will make you thebest home you could ever hope for. It will be cool in the summer, and warm in winter. Yessir, this is the answer to your house-building problem.

JOE(Handling the straw) Yes, this does seem light and I think I could handle it. I’ll buy it. (Heputs his hand in his pocket and pulls out some bills, which he hands to the man. Joe takesthe straw) The straw should make a comfortable, cozy home for me. And it’ll go up in notime at all! Thank you kindly, sir, I sure appreciate this.

MAN 1My pleasure, sir. (He puts the money into his pocket) Good luck in your new home. (Exitsstage left, laughing to himself)

JOE(Begins assembling the bundles into a house toward stage left – laying one bundle acrossthe other two to form a frame. The two side bundles have a stand in the back to supportthem. Music intros and he sings A HOUSE OF STRAW)

A HOUSE OF STRAW WILL BETHE PERFECT HOME FOR ME.I’LL GET IT FINISHEDAND BE IN ITSOON – JUST WAIT AND SEE.MY BROTHERS WON’T BE DONE;I’LL BE THE ONLY ONEWHO’S GOT SOME DIGSTHAT’S FIT FOR PIGS

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WHO IS THE SMARTEST SON?

(The piano stops but he continues to hum or whistle the melody. When the house is finished,he brushes his hands and says) There! Not bad if I do say so myself. Boy, that was hardwork, and I’m tired. I think I’ll go inside and rest up a big. (He goes behind one of the sidesas the wolf approaches the house from stage right)

WOLF(Looking at the house of straw and shaking his head back and forth) I’ve seen some prettycheap houses before, but this one takes the cake. (He walks to the house to look at it moreclosely) Man, this is so flimsy. I bet I could just blow it down in one breath. Guess I’ll makea courtesy call to my new neighbor and see if there’s anything I can do for him. (Wolfapproaches the front door and calls out) Oh, little pig – little pig – let me come in.

JOE(Peering out the window and seeing WOLF. He turns to the audience and says…) Oh my,it’s the wolf. (Then to WOLF says) No, no, no. Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!(To audience) Whatever that means! (He withdraws out of sight into the house)

WOLFWell, then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down. (Wolf takes a big gasp ofair and lets it out in a big blow. The PIG collapses the supports on the sides of the house,and the house falls down) Boy, that was easier than I thought it would be.

JOE(Runs off stage left yelling) Help! Help! The wolf is after me! Help! (Wolf chases after him)

GUS(Entering from stage right) Now, where will I ever find a home? I miss Mama already. Idon’t know if I’m going to like being on my own. Oh well. First things first, and the firstthing I need to do is build myself a house. (He looks around) Maybe I could cut down sometrees and make a house with sticks. (As he’s talking,MAN 2 carrying three bundles of sticksenters stage left. The MAN overhears the last few sentences)

MAN 2Sticks? Did I hear you say you need sticks to make a house?

GUSYes sir. I was just about to gather some sticks so I could build myself a house.

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MAN 2Well, look no further, my friend. For right here are some of the finest sticks you will everfind in this neck of the woods. (He removes the bundles from his back) Just look at thequality of these sticks – firm, smooth, solid. They would give you a house that would be theenvy of everyone for miles around.

GUS(Rubbing a stick with his hand) They are nice. I don’t think I could find any sticks thatwould be better.

MAN 2And besides, it would save you the trouble of looking for them. Here they are – all ready foryou to use.

GUSYou’re absolutely right. I’ll take them (He reaches into his pocket and pulls out some billswhich he gives to the man) Here you are, sir, and thank you very much.

MAN 2(Handing the sticks to Gus) And there you are. Thank you very much. (He walks off stageleft, counting his money)

GUSMaking a house from these sticks shouldn’t be too hard. (He looks around) I wonder whereI should build it. (He walks to a spot near stage right) This looks like a good place. (Hebegins to assemble the house in the same manner as the straw house was assembled. Musicintros for A HOUSE OF STICKS, which he sings)

MY HOUSE OF STICKS WILL WIN THE PRIZE –MY BROTHERS SOON WILL RECOGNIZEMY ARTISTRY, AND THEY WILL SEEHOW I’VE IMPROVED THIS PROPERTY!

(The piano stops but Gus continues humming or whistling the melody. When the house israised; he looks at it and says) Done – and it’s a very pretty house if I do say so myself.That was harder work than I expected, and I’m really tired. I need to go in and take a nap.(He walks behind the house as WOLF enters stage left)

WOLFWell, now, what have we here? Looks like another pig has moved into the neighborhood.I’ll check in with him and see if there’s anything he needs. (Wolf approaches the house for acloser look) One thing is for sure – these pigs aren’t the best contractors around. Imagine ahouse made of sticks. It’s probably not much stronger than the one made of straw, and youknow what happened to that one! Hah, I’ll bet I could blow this one over in one breath too.Well, maybe it would take two blows. Oh well…(He approaches the house and calls out)Hey, neighbor! Hey little pig! Can I come in?

GUS

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(Looking out the window) Oh, oh. It’s the wolf! You want to come in? Are you kidding? Iwouldn’t let you come in if my life depended on it – and it does!

WOLF(To audience). He’s playing hard to get, too. (To Pig) Aw, come on. I just want to beneighborly and pay you a visit.

GUSSure, sure. No way, Wolf. Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin. (To audience)Whatever that means!

WOLFOK for you – you’ll be sorry. Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.(Wolf takes a deep breath and blows – nothing happens) Just as I thought – this one willtake two breaths. (He takes another deep breath and blows. The house falls down)

GUS(Running from the house) Help! Help me, somebody. The wolf is after me! (He runs offstage left)

WOLFWell. There goes another one. Boy, they sure don’t make houses the way they used to.(Calls to Pig) Hey, little pig – wait for me. (Wolf runs after PIG)

AL(Entering stage right) Mama was right – we are getting too big to live with her. It’s kinda’exciting going out into the world and being on my own. Just think – my own home! Whatkind should I make? It’s got to be a good one – one that will be strong and last a long time. Iwonder how my brothers made out? Guess I’ll find out when I see them at Mama’s fordinner on Sunday. (As he is speaking, MAN 3 enters stage left with a wheelbarrow full ofbricks) Well, well. Look at that. Just what I need – bricks that will make a good, stronghouse. (He approaches the man) Pardon me, sir, I’d be interested in buying your bricks, ifyou’d be good enough to sell them to me.

MAN 3(Meekly) You want to buy my bricks?

ALYes, I do. You see, I want to build a house for myself, and I think these bricks will beperfect.

MAN 3I see. But I was going to take these bricks into town and try to sell them there.

ALWell, you don’t have to travel any more. I’ll buy them right here and now.

MAN 3

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Gee. I hardly know what to say.

ALJust say “yes”. (He reaches into his pocket and pulls out some bills)

MAN 3(Looking at the money) Ok – sure – you can buy my bricks. (He takes the money) Thankyou! Thank you very much.

ALYou are quite welcome. (He removes some of the bricks (made of cardboard) from thewheelbarrow and lays them on the ground. They are mounted on supports in similar fashionas the previous houses)

MAN 3(Helping to unload) Here, at least let me give you a hand. Where do you want them?

ALOver there. (He gestures toward center stage. When the bricks are unloaded, Al says…)That ought to do it. Thanks for your help.

MAN 3Not at all. Good day to you, and good luck.

ALNow to get to work. (He whistles while he puts together his house, stopping every now andthen to wipe the sweat from his brow and comment on the heat of the day. Music intros forA HOUSE OF BRICKS, which he sings)

THIS WILL TAKE VERY LONGBUT I’LL MAKE IT VERY STRONG.FIRST A WALL, THEN A ROOM,SOON A HOUSE WILL START TO BLOOM.THOUGH I GOVERY SLOWI’LL BE SAFE WHEN NORTH WINDS BLOW.BROTHERS MAY WIN THE RACEBUT I’LL HAVE A STURDY PLACE.

(When finished, he steps back to admire his house) Ahhh, what a house! My very ownhome. It’s magnificent. (He yawns and stretches) That was one hard job, and I’m exhausted.I’ll go inside and rest for a while. (As he prepares to enter his house, JOE and GUS areheard calling off stage)

GUS AND JOEAl! Al! Where are you Al? We need you. You must help us. (They run onto the stage,panting and see AL)

JOE

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Oh, here you are! (He says this with relief)

GUSThank goodness we found you!

ALWhat’s wrong, boys?

JOEI built a house of straw…

GUSAnd I built a house out of sticks …

AL…and I built a house out of bricks. We did just like Mama asked us to. Good for us.

(They sing their songs together in COUNTERPOINT)

JOE:A house of sticks will beThe perfect home for me.I’ll get it finishedAnd be in it Soon—Just wait and see.My brothers won’t be done;I’ll be the only oneWho’s got some digsThat’s fit for pigs—Who is the smartest one?

GUS:My house Will win the prize--My brothers Soon will RecognizeMy artistryAnd they will seeHow I’ve Improved thisProperty!

AL:This will take Very Long,But I’ll make itVery strong.First a wall, then a room,Soon a house will start tobloom.Though I go very slow,I’ll be safe when northwinds blow.Brothers may win therace,But I’ll have a sturdyplace.

JOE:But…

GUS:But…

AL:…but what?

JOE:

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As soon as I finished, the wolf came and blew my house down.

GUS:Mine, too.

JOE:Now, neither of us have a house to live in. Can we stay with you, Al?

GUS:Yeah – at least until we can build another one?

ALSure you can. Come on in. And just in case the wolf decides to come visit me, we’ll beready for him. Joe, build a big fire in the fireplace. And Gus, get the big black pot out –hang it over the fire and fill it with water. (They all enter the house)

WOLF(Enters stage right) Well, will you look at this? (He studies the brick house carefully) Nowthis is more like it! Well constructed! Pretty solid, too. I’m glad to see that at least one pigknows what he’s doing. I want to meet him for sure. (Calls out) Hey, pig. Little pig, let mecome in. I’d like to meet you.

JOE(Sticking his head out the window) Did you hear that? He wants to eat you!

ALWell, we won’t let him get near us. (Sticks his head out the window and calls to WOLF ) Goaway, wolf. We don’t want to have anything to do with you. Leave us alone.

WOLF:Come on guys. I’m just trying to be friendly. (He sings)

SONG I WANT TO BE FRIENDLY

I WANT TO BE FRIENDLY, JUST HEED MY ADVICE I’M SURE IN THE END WE WILL SEE I’M QUITE NICE. THERE’S NO NEED FOR TENSION, THERE’S NO NEED FOR FEAR, I JUST WANT TO MENTION WHY I HAVE COME HERE. YOUR HOUSE CONSTRUCTION IS NOT TOO GOOD. THEY FACE DESTRUCTION AS I KNEW THEY WOULD. YOUR CHOICE OF MATERIALS WAS NOT VERY SMART, IF BLOWING FROM HERE’LL (He points to his mouth) RIP THEM ALL APART.

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PLEASE LET ME INSIDE, YOU DON’T HAVE TO HIDE, YOU KNOW I WON’T GO AWAY. I INTEND TO BE FRIENDLY WITH YOU TODAY.

AL:Just go away. We don’t need or want your company.

WOLF:Looks like I’m going to have to use force again. (To PIGS) Then I’ll huffand I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.

AL(To audience) This ought to be good!

WOLFWell, here goes – you asked for it – (He takes a big breath and blows – nothing happens)Hmmm, this is gonna be tougher than I thought. (He takes another big breath and blowsharder) Wow! This thing won’t budge. I could use some help. (Turns to the audience)Would you folks help me? (Wait for a response, and if necessary plead with them) Good.Now, I’ll count to three, and when I say three, you all take a deep breath and blow as hardas you can. Ready? One. Two. Three. (Wolf leads them in taking three breaths and blowing)I don’t believe it! The house is still standing. (The PIGS laugh loudly and heartily)

ALOh, Wolf, save your breath – you could NEVER blow this house down.

WOLFGrrrr. Now I’m really mad. I’ll get all of them for that. (He climbs up to the roof, using aladder that was behind the house and down the chimney. He screams, runs out the frontdoor, holding onto his rear-end) Yow! Help! I’m on fire! Get me to a doctor, quick! I’vebeen scalded! Help …(As he runs off stage left. The three PIGS come out the front door andstand in front of the house, laughing. They join hands, dance in a circle singing:) “Who’safraid of the big, bad wolf, the big, bad wolf, the big, bad wolf? Who’s afraid of the big, badwolf? Tra la la la la.”

ALWell boys, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about the wolf again. Now come on in and stayfor supper. In fact, why don’t you both move in with me, and we’ll all live together. Joe,you can be in charge of the cooking. Gus, you can do the cleaning, and I’ll take care of thelaundry. (They enter the house, and as they do so, they’re arguing about who will do what)

JOENo, I don’t like to cook – you do the cooking, Gus.

GUS

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Not me – I’d rather do the laundry. (Curtain closes as this dialogue takes place, and thewolf comes up front to the courtroom area)

SCENE FOUR: COURTROOM

WOLFAnd that’s the whole story, Judge. I didn’t mean to ruin their houses. I was just having alittle fun, and they were so poorly made that they fell over when I blew on them.

JUDGEWell intentional or not, the fact remains that you did destroy their property. Therefore, thiscourt finds you guilty of criminal mischief, and serves the following sentence on you. Youwill apologize to each of the pigs for scaring them and destroying their homes.

WOLFSure, Judge. I’ll be glad to do that. No problem at all.

JUDGEFurthermore, you will write on the blackboard at school – 100 times – “I will not destroy theproperty of others.”

WOLFBut Judge, I don’t go to school.

JUDGEOh, yes you do. Starting Monday you will enroll in “Home Repair and Building 101”.

WOLF(Obviously upset) Your Honor!

JUDGESo ordered. This case is closed. You are dismissed. Have a good day! (Bangs the gavel)Next case.

WOLF(Enraged) I’m going to appeal! You haven’t heard the last of me. I’ll get my justice, waitand see. (He continues to rant and rave as he exits – either stage right or through theaudience as the curtain closes, and stage left lights up)

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SCENE FIVE: SUZY’S BEDROOM - MIDNIGHT

(SUZY, in bed, suddenly sits up)

SUZYMommy! (Pause and calls again) Mommy! I’m thirsty. Please bring me a glass of water.

MOTHER (From off stage left) All right, honey. I’ll be right there. (She enters stage left and hands SUZY a glass of water)

SUZY(Speaking rapidly) Mommy, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that the wolf was taken tocourt and the judge …

MOTHERSuzy, can this wait until morning? It’s midnight, and you really need to get back to sleep.

SUZYBut Mommy ….

MOTHERNo buts – finish your water and go back to sleep. (She kisses the SUZY on her forehead andturns to leave)

SUZY(Reluctantly) All right. Goodnight. (She settles back on her pillow, hugs her teddy bear,snuggles under the covers, gets comfortable and is soon asleep- making soft snoring sounds.Dreamlike lights swirl around and dreamlike music plays as stage left fades to black andstage right lights up on the courtroom scene)

SCENE SIX: COURTROOM

JUDGE(Bangs the gavel) Bailiff, bring in the next case.

BAILIFFYes, your honor. (Calls) Next case please. (There is no response) Uh, your honor, I think Ibetter see what’s going on. (He leaves stage right and returns holding on to the arm of theTroll, whose head is bandaged and is squirming in an effort to get away)

TROLLTake your hands off of me. Let me go. I can walk by myself. Just let me go.

BAILIFF(Stopping in front of the judge’s bench) Here’s the next case, your Honor. TheCommonwealth vs the Troll. Criminal Act number 436, dated (today’s date)

JUDGE

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(Peering over the bench at the Troll) Strange looking creature, isn’t he? Swear him in,Bailiff.

BAILIFFRaise your right hand. (Troll does) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, andnothing but the truth, so help you God?

TROLLSure. I’ve got nothing to hide.

JUDGEWhat’s the charge, Bailiff?

BAILIFFYour honor, this Troll is being charged with Terroristic Threats.

TROLL(Incensed). I did not make any terroristic threats!

JUDGEJust cool it, Troll.

TROLLCool it? How do you expect me to cool it? This man drags me in here against my will,charges me with “terroristic threats” and you tell me to “cool it!”

JUDGESettle down, young man.

WOLF(Walks across the stage from left to right, carrying a briefcase)

JUDGEHey, you. Where do you think you’re going? Your case is over.

WOLFI know, but I’m taking my case to another court. (He holds his briefcase up to show thejudge and exits stage right)

JUDGE(Looks after the WOLF, shakes his head in disbelief, then redirects his attention to theTroll) Now, where were we? (Troll rises as if to leave -BALIFF re-grips the TROLL’s arm)

TROLL(Shaking loose from the Bailiff and jumping wildly up and down in a frenzy) Don’t tell me tosettle down! I’ll settle down when I’m out of here. Let me out of here, do you hear me? Letme out of here!

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JUDGE(Banging the gavel loudly and quickly several times) Order in the court! Order in the court!

BAILIFF(Steps forward to the bench) Well now, Judge, I’d like to have a ham on rye with a Coke.

GUARDAnd I’d like to have a turkey sandwich along with a Coke, too. (Turns to audience) Whatwould you like?

JUDGE(Banging the gavel) What’s going on here? What do you think you’re doing? (Continues tobang the gavel until order is restored) Get back where you belong – all of you! (Turns toTROLL) Now, young man, are you calm enough to tell me your story?

TROLL(Takes a big breath – then sighs loudly) Oh, all right. I’ll try. (Bailiff goes toTROLL andholds onto his elbow. Troll wriggles away) But get this guy away from me. Tell him toleave me alone.

JUDGE(To BALIFF) All right, Bailiff. Leave the accused alone. I’m sure he can control himselfnow. (BALIFF backs away. Judge turns to Troll) Now, sir, tell us your story.

TROLLOK, your honor. Ya see, when I was just a kid, my parents left me, and I had to fend formyself. I guess they just didn’t want to have to be bothered with taking care of me. I didn’thave any friends – everyone used to make fun of me. So, I became a loner.

JUDGEHow did you survive?

TROLLWell, I used to go out at night, when it was dark, and get the leftovers from people’s houses.You’d be surprised at the extra food people make and then throw away.

JUDGEI know. That in itself is a crime.

TROLLYeh, but at least I got to eat. Anyway, I ran away from my hometown, and had a hard timefinding a place to live. I tried living over heat grates, in doorways, on park benches –anywhere I could find to put down my head. But I was always getting chased away.

JUDGEIt’s a good thing you didn’t come before me – I would have sent you to jail for vagrancy.

TROLLOh, I spent time in jail, too. That was the best place – a bed and good, warm food. Butthey’d release me and I was back where I started – no home and no place to go.

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JUDGESo what did you do?

TROLLI decided to leave the city altogether and headed for the country. I found the prettiest placeout in a meadow – it had a stream running through it, with a nice little bridge going over thestream.

JUDGEThat sounds like the Russell Dillman place.

TROLLYeh, I think that was the name I saw on the mailbox. Anyway, it was a hot day, and I waspretty tired, so when I came to this place. I rested under the bridge where it was shady andcool. It was so comfortable and beautiful and quiet there that found myself returning to thatspot every night. And, before I knew it, it became my home.

JUDGEWere you aware that you were trespassing on someone else’s property?

TROLLTres Passing? What does that mean?

JUDGEIt means that you were on property that didn’t belong to you and you shouldn’t have beenthere since you didn’t have permission.

TROLLNo! You don’t say? I didn’t know that. But I never saw anyone around – except, of course,Mr. Dillman’s goats.

JUDGEHis goats? How many goats did he have?

TROLLJust three – they were brothers. And they called themselves the Billy Goats Gruff. Butusually they didn’t bother me – they kept to themselves, eating the grass on the East side ofthe stream.

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