Importance of Marriage and Its Etiquettes

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Importance Of Marriage And Its EtiquettesBy: Shaykh Saalih Aal Taalib

Source: Khutbah; 2, Jumaadal-Aakhirah 1426 (8, July 2005)Taken From:

All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of all the worlds. Peace and blessings be upon theMessenger (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam), his household and companions.

Fellow Muslims! The most truthful speech is the Book of Allaah and the best guidanceis that of Muhammad. Every innovation is misguidance and every misguidance leadsto Hell.

Fear Allaah and know that tomorrow, you will be made to stand in front of your Lordand be recompensed for your deeds.

"O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person(Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife (Haww (Eve)) and fromthem both He created many men and women; and fear Allh through Whomyou demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) thewombs (kinship). Surely, Allh is Ever an All-Watcher over you."(An-Nisaa4:1)

Beware of procrastination, for having deep inclination towards this world makes oneforget the Hereafter, as following the desires blocks the way to the truth.

Dear brethren! Allaah has created humans upon inclinations to their natural instincts.It is also of His mercy and wisdom that He made the law of Islaam call to this and Hepromised prosperity and reward to those who follow the course of this nature. Amanifestation of this is the relationship that takes place between man and womanthrough marriage.

Brethren in Islaam! No sane person will dispute the importance, virtues and benefitsof marriage or dispute the fact that marriage is the natural means of achieving peaceof mind, tranquility and societal stability and progress. Marriage makes life well-organized and it is from its fortress that righteous generations are produced. Allaahsays, "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from amongyourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between youaffection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect."(Ar-Room 30:21)

Marriage promotes purity and chastity, keeps the married person away from illegalsexual intercourse and sinful activities. It brings about blessing and makes the
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society live a morally secure and comfortable life. Allaah makes marriage a virtueand a way of the Prophets. He says addressing His Messenger, "And indeed Wesent Messengers before you (O Muhammad (peace be upon him)) and madefor them wives and offspring."(Ar-Ra'd 13:38)

Therefore, it is because of these great benefits that Islaam encourages marriage andencourages its facilitation. It also prohibits all that could impede or disrupt it. Allaahsays, "And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but ifyou fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or(the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you fromdoing injustice."(An-Nisaa 4:32)

The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam) said, "O young people!Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, because it helps himlower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing

illegal sexual intercourse etc.)." (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)

In the Qur'aan, Allaah commands that suitable suitors should be married to as Heprohibits preventing women from marrying women of their choice. In the Qur'aanand the Sunnah, rights and responsibilities of the husband and the wife are explainedso that a truly Muslim family that is the foundation of a strong and coherent societycan be established.

Brethren in faith! It is certain that anyone who has concern for his society andUmmah and wishes his fellow Muslims well will make all efforts to promote thisinstitution and make it successful. He will avoid all that could impede it. A concernedMuslim will also be worried about the failure of some marriages when he seesproblems springing out of some homes. It is therefore necessary that a wise Muslimshould adopt all useful means of making the marriage life successful.

Fellow Muslims! Speaking about marriage has many aspects. It is enough to talkabout some phenomena that precede marriage and that have an undesirable impacton the course of life so that the Muslims can be sincerely admonished and theheedless will be awakened.

One:Delaying marriage until the end of studies or after getting a job and having

financial capability or delaying marriage in order to avoid commitments or for anyother reasons. All this is part of the evil plans of Satan by which he brainwasheshumans especially the youth through the filthy films and serials that are aired on thesatellite TV or published in magazines and newspapers. This has created a lot ofmisconceptions about marital life, corrupted the people's morality and instilled inthem mistaken ideas that opened the door to a great evil.

Delaying marriage contradicts Islamic teachings as it contradicts the human nature.


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Sociologists affirmed that early marriage is the best marriage even if the financialcondition is hard. They also affirmed that it is a major means of attaining stablepsychological and physical health; and that the children born from early marriage aremore intelligent and healthier and have less physical disabilities.

In addition to the above, early marriage makes one's religion complete and makesone chaste. It is also established that early marriage is a major factor in manypeople's success in their academic life. So when an artificial impediment is put in theway of this natural institution, the consequences will be woes upon the society.

In fact, there is no contradiction between marriage and requirements of marriagelife, for that is a part of natural life that should not be linked to imaginary andartificial impediments created by the idiotic people. The Muslims' stand concerningmarriage should be reliance on Allaah and not on materials. Allah says, "And marrythose among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the womanwho has no husband) and (also marry) the Slihn (pious, fit and capable

ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they bepoor, Allh will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allh is All-Sufficient forHis creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)."(An-Noor24:32)

The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam) said, "There are threepersons that Allaah has taken it upon Himself to help them: the fighter in theway of Allaah, a captive who is in the process of buying his freedom and theone who wants to marry to keep himself or herself chaste." (At-Tirmidheeand others)

If there are some stupid people who have turned their daughters into commercialcommodity and ask for exorbitant mahr [bridal gift] and lay down difficult conditionsfor those who want to marry their daughters, there are better women elsewhere.For, there are many families who only wish to marry their daughter to someone whocan make her happy and preserve her religion for her and treat her well. Thesefamilies are satisfied with minimal mahr, emulating by that, the Messenger of Allaahwho said, "It is a sign of blessing in a woman that proposing marriage to herand her mahr are made easy for the suitor." (Ahmad and others)

Demanding for excessive mahr and evaluating a suitor by the amount of mahr he isable to pay is a sign of meanness, perverted thinking and stupidity. Also, burdening

the suitor with exorbitant mahr and requesting him to present many gifts to relativesof the prospective groom is the peak of greed, avarice and opportunism. All thisbreeds ill-feeling, weighs the husband down with debts, impedes the smooth courseof marriage in the society and causes many girls to remain unmarried for a longtime. This is, indeed, a manifestation of preventing woman from marrying; asituation that Allaah forbids.

Also, one of the cruelest forms of preventing woman from marrying is to insist that


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she should marry a particular relative of hers and preventing her from marrying anyother suitor even if that leads to her remaining a spinster for life. This is a majorcrime and an excessive act of selfishness that is a product of an obsolete norm, andit goes against the everlasting injunctions of Islaam.

It is unlawful to coerce a woman into marrying someone she does notlike. Her father's guardianship over her is only to safeguard her interestand protect her, and definitely not that of imposition or coercion. TheMessenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam) said, "A matronshould not be given in marriage except after consulting her; anda virgin should not be given in marriage except after herpermission." The people asked, "O Allahs Messenger! How canwe know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates herpermission)." (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)

Shaykh al-Islaam ibn Taymiyyah said, "It is unlawful for any of the two parents toforce their son into marrying someone he does not like. If he refuses to obey them inthis regard he is not considered undutiful to them. If it is unlawful for anyone toforce him to eat what he does not want to eat though he is capable of eating what hewants, the same thing applies to marriage, even with a greater reason. For, eatingan undesirable thing is painful only for a moment but the pain of marrying anundesirable someone lasts for long."

Forcing a woman into marrying someone she does not like because of that person'smoney or his fame or his close relationship is an injustice and therefore forbidden.The guardians must understand this.

The girl should also try to understand the point of view of her guardian regardingacceptance and refusal of a proposal. In any case, interest of the girl should be thecriterion.

Dear Muslims! Guardians have a great responsibility regarding the suitor who comesforward for the hand of their daughter in marriage. This is in view of the Prophet'sinstruction, "Man is the guardian over his family and he will be asked as to

how he discharged his responsibility towards them." (Al-Bukhaaree andMuslim)

Also, the girl is usually dependent upon her guardian's knowledge and advice. Heshould therefore fear Allaah and make all efforts to know the real situation of thesuitor and his compatibility. For, many are righteous women who are afflicted with asinful husband who does not pray or who takes intoxicants and perpetrates forbiddenthings or who is ill-mannered. This unfortunate situation is caused by nothing more


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than her guardian's negligence and his carelessness regarding the religiosity of thehusband and his being satisfied only with his appearance or because he trusted thefamily from which the husband comes.

Compatibility in marriage should only be in terms of religiosity and good manner.

The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam) said, "If someone withwhose religion and manners you are pleased asks for the hand of yourdaughter in marriage, grant it to them. If you do not do so, there will betemptation in the land and widespread corruption." (At-Tirmidhee)

Let those whose only goal is asking for money and fame and have no regard forreligiosity realise that he who betrays Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayihiwa sallam) cannot be trusted to be a guardian for his own daughter. The same thingcan be said to the suitor as well. For, there are many men who stipulated for hisfiance all conditions of this world but regarded the religion as the least importantand soon realised that the woman is not suitable to be his wife because of her lack of

religiosity and morals. The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam) said,"A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, herbeauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman(otherwise) you will be a losers." (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)

The suitor should realize that any woman who is careless about her responsibility toher Creator will definitely negligent in her responsibility to her husband and children.Also, the adviser or the person responsible must be duly informed of the situation ofthe suitor. He should fear Allaah in all that he says and in the advice he gives. Somepeople might be influenced by tribal zealousness or haste thereby exaggerating inpraising or disparaging a suitor or a woman though they have not had sufficientknowledge of the person concerned. The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa

sallam) said, "The Adviser is trusted [in the matter in which his advice issought]." (Aboo Daawood)

Fellow Muslims! Some marriage banquets are plagued with excessive spending andviolations of Islaamic teachings. This trend has become so prevalent that it isregarded as an indispensable aspect of marriage. Sometimes, the banquet expensesexceed the mahr in manifold and the decision regarded this is left in the hands ofwomen and the unwise ones. This calamity becomes graver when it is coupled withsin acts. What blessing or success should one then expect if a married life is started,from its first night, with sinful things and acts of obedience to Allaah, Who aloneowns the success and Who holds the hearts of humans in His Hand and twist them as

He likes?

Certainly, intermingling of men and women who are not close relatives, employingthe service of musicians with their instruments, neglecting the prayers and delayingthem, exposing of nakedness especially among women who are, though dressed,are practically naked and open and stealthy snapping of pictures and videoing areall a manifestation of showing ingratitude to Allaah, rebelling His commands andwantonness. This is to say nothing of wastefulness and showing-off that are the


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characteristics of the preparations and banquets. Why all this? Can parties not takeplace without violation of Islaamic regulations? If the unlucky fails to achieve successin their marriage, he should then know what the cause.

If sins can weaken countries and shake kingdoms, it has the greater capacity to doso with little homes. Allaah says, "Is it then he, who laid the foundation of his

building on piety to Allh and His Good Pleasure, better, or he who laid thefoundation of his building on an undetermined brink of a precipice ready tocrumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the Fire of Hell?"(At-Tawbah 9:109)

Brethren in faith! It is a manifestation of excellent upbringing and fulfillment of thetrust to prepare a girl for matrimonial life and to teach her how to be responsible andhow to handle the demands of life. You will surely pity a girl sent off to her newhome for a matrimonial life and yet knew nothing of her rights and responsibilities,knew nothing about how to deal with her husband, his family and relatives, knewnothing about how to nurture her children and deal with them and nothing about

how to manage home affairs. A situation like this has caused many cases ofseparation and raised the rate of divorce in the society.

It is therefore the responsibility of the parents, the teachers, the curriculum writersand the journalists to exert sincere efforts in giving boys and girls appropriateawareness. What is the benefit of long years of study if it does teach thefundamentals of life?

All youths are in dire of proper education on how to adhere by the limits of Allaahconcerning marriage, worshipping Allaah through maintaining good relationship withspouse, how to cooperate with one another in righteousness and piety beforemarriage and how to shun selfishness. They also need to know and acknowledge thereal meaning of being guardian in the law of Islaam; that it is meant to protect,nurture and to manage excellently and that it is a responsibility of which man will beheld accountable in the Day of Resurrection. The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu'alayihi wa sallam) said, "All of you are guardians and responsible for yourcharges: a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for his chargesand a lady is a guardian in the house of her husband and is responsible forher charge." (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)

If the intentions are good and the obligations are carried out, happiness and successwill prevail all over the world. If one adheres to invoking Allaah and is sincere in his

hope in Him, Allaah will not let him down, and will not make his efforts to go in vain.


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Importance of Marriage and Its Etiquettes

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