Huntsham Times
1
www.lovefest.com Even Joey canʼt complain as Wedding of the Century TM has them fuckinʼ rockinʼ… and fuckinʼ rollinʼ VOX POP: Had a good weekend? “The house was a bit poky and not really grand enough for my liking. I couldn’t wait to get home to the comfort of Hamilton Towers.” Lord Henry of Hamilton-Turner “I was literally bored to tears. But I got the night’s biggest ovation, so I guess it wasn’t a total waste of my time.” DJ Nam Usher “Wedding of the century? Get to fuck. I went to a better one in July.” Mrs Qoonica Merk “Can’t believe they wouldn’t let me get my rave on. You’d cry if you were shut in your room all Sunday night.” Felix Da Country Housecat “Oooohhhh, was there a wedding? How exciting! Who got married then?” Jeff Mentalman “I suppose I enjoyed it, if a prim- itive creature with- out a brain can be considered to enjoy anything.” Anna the Jellyfish “First my idiot boyfriend makes me wear a skimpy dress so I freeze my oppai off, then he pulls my hair. Honto ni saiaku deshita!” J-ko the J-girl “I didn’t think much of the ballooning. Standing around in the cold and then setting fire to a sheet of tissue paper isn’t exactly my idea of a cracking Saturday night”. John Scally “I’m not used to being surrounded by moustachioed, flamboyantly dressed men. It’s just wrong.” Glenjamin Banville “If I’d wanted to run about in a suit fetching firewood and taking orders from a pair of knobheads, I’d have applied for a job as a butler.” Benny Corso “Dunno who organ- ised this shambles, but they’re clearly a bunch of cowboys.” James Blunt-Moore “I spent the entire weekend with a camera stuck to my face. Talk about a fucking busman’s holiday.” TV’s Dean Griffdog “I was just getting started when Joey wet-blanket killed the music at 9am.” Julia Crazyeyes “Sorry, I’m too old for irony. Utterly, utter- ly awesome. Best weekend ever. And I’ve seen a lot of weekends.” ‘Eyebrows’ Ong Noi £23 where sold 27 September 2008 The Power of Love THE POWER of love is a curious thing. It can make one man weep, make another man sing. And it can bring together a random assort- ment of pop stars, vegetables and cartoon characters and get them screeching like freaky animals, in an orgy of wazzcockery on an almost unprecedented scale. The union of the world’s hottest Asian babe with the world’s smuggest man had been billed as the ‘Wedding of the Century’, and the unbelievable scenes at Cuntsham Hourt this weekend lived up to the hype. For this was a wedding that rede- fined weddings. From the viciously competitive and dirtily fought treas- ure hunt that kicked off proceed- ings on Friday to Sunday night’s old-school rave-up, everybody’s favourite couple took tradition and transformed it into something alto- gether more magnificent. Dancing, for instance, has always been a matrimonial staple. But here, the first dance put Travolta and Thurman to shame. As for the guests, they didn’t even need a DJ. A truly awful acapella rendition of the Back To the Future theme, a fire alarm, even the ceremony itself… all these had these rent-a- ravers reaching for the lasers. Singing, too, is nothing out of the ordinary at a wedding. But this wasn’t your usual half-hearted mumbling of dull, tuneless hymns. Instead, we had the Dong family choir’s heart-stopping performance of One More Day from Les Mis … and Andy Williams’ Too Good to be True belted out like it has never been before. Over and over again. This was a weekend that rewrote the record books. The world’s largest ever ushing team was assembled, and performed their duties admirably despite a shaky start that saw early-arriving guests wandering lost around the grounds while the ushers swigged whisky and tried on psychedelic under- pants round the back of the house. The suavely attired Quenjamin Berk exuded his customary gravi- tas, though the effect was sadly ruined when he later reappeared in a tight vest, cycling shorts and false moustache. Trouble in the bedroom Other records that tumbled includ- ed best ever impression of an eagle (Sam Eyarghh-wood) and most people ever on an antique double bed. This latter feat was the result of a mass bundle possibly instigat- ed by professional troublemaker Sophie Fuck-tha-Poreece, who claims her cry of “all pile on” was misinterpreted. The bed suffered some minor wreckage, but it was nothing several hours, a huge tub of elbow grease, some welding equipment and the attentions of the local blacksmith couldn’t put right. Bride Kim-Jong Dung also notched up the longest time in his- tory for keeping a groom waiting at the altar, with Joseph Scally left hanging for 347 minutes 15 seconds before she bothered to show up. Speaking from beyond the grave, Guinness World Records’ Norris McWhirter said: “Quite what Why Hung thought she was playing at is anybody’s guess. Some claim it was an inevitable result of choosing Julia Justaminute and Sian Spacker, the least punctual girls in North London, as her bridesmaids. People forget the girls did the best job ever of delegating their responsibilities.” But it was left to the father of the bride to spring the weekend’s biggest surprise. Where many had been expecting an austere, formal speech, he donned a cheeky bow tie and launched into a stand-up comedy routine that had his audi- ence in stitches, before cranking the charm up to 11 as he danced with every girl in sight. Scenes such as these were bound to provoke a reaction. This time there was no surprise, as the response took the form of a mas- sive wazzcock rave-up. Joey Flannel, who headed an all-star DJ line-up, said: “It was a tough crowd out there tonight, but my unbeliev- able skills on the decks eventually won them over. You’ve got to play what they want, i.e. Underworld.” And that was the Wedding of the Century TM . Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream. Stronger and harder than a bad girl’s dream. More than a feeling. That was the power of love. LOST PROPERTY To reclaim any of the items listed below, call 0898 232323. Wedding suit, nametape “J Quirk”. Found in Streatham Set of house keys Property of Benjamin Sparrow. Found hanging from a signpost a couple of miles from Huntsham Hoody Pride and joy of Mr Quakob Jerk. Found by Andrea, thoughtfully soaked in wine, tonic water and Fairy liquid, then left in a sink Entire set of worldly possessions Belonging to Suzy Bouqetsnatcher Sense of Zen calm Lost by Aztec Sherwin while attempting to meditate in the bar Eighth of weed Missing all weekend, found in Joe’s pocket by Heathrow security Jacob Quirk Father of one found asleep in a bathroom wearing only boxers and a pair of socks Three unnamed party guests Found in the wrong beds on Monday Two snooker players Found under the snooker table attempting X-rated trick shot Yeovil Found where Yeovil has always been, by Sue, who is from Yeovil … with a little help from her friends Tom’s top tips How to be a legend of a best man 1. Choose your brother to be the groom. That way you can steal his lines and save time writing your speech. “You’re my brother but also my best mate...” You too, bro, you too. Ditto. Piece of piss. 2. Give the rings to a baby to look after. Then if they get lost, it’s not your fault, is it? 3. Wear the same fancy dress costume as at least three other people, so you have an alibi if anything goes wrong. 4. If you think you’re about to say something inappropriate, resort to gibberish. You’re still the life and soul of the party, and no-one can argue with anything you say. Hnnngggggg. Squeaky bobtish. SPORTS Danny the champion of the world IT’S A question that has been debated for centuries and has caused no end of trouble through- out history. But now theologians have proved what the less po- faced among us knew all along – God can take a joke. The definitive proof came in the form of three days of glorious sunshine, with which the Good Lord blessed the Scrannell-Dwong nuptials despite them featuring a spoof Christian ceremony that bordered on the blasphemous. In a move some feared might incur divine wrath, bogus priest Father Danny masqueraded as a man of the cloth while others dressed up as Jesus and generally made a mockery of the institutions of the Church. “Laugh? Mate, I nearly pissed in my beard!” chuckled the Almighty, speaking as usual through a mor- tal, Earth-based interpreter. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since I sent that plague of frogs into Egypt. “I admit, when we saw Poopie in that ’tache and biker cap, Gabriel was fixing to turn him into a pillar of salt. But I told him, lighten up man, put your thunderbolts away and turn that sun right up. These guys are fuckin’ hilarious... lets give them a perfect weekend.” He added: “The only reason I arranged for Joey and HH to meet in the first place was because I thought they’d be good for giggles. Er, I mean, I knew they would. I know everything.” Sweeeet! Dan Dowdy-Brown-Suit landed the world sweet-eating title this weekend after beating off a brave challenge from Markus Pill-gram. After a nervous start, the contest escalated into an epic battle, with the finalists tied on 30 flying saucers each. But fortune favours the brave/stupid, and when “The Gert Gob” stuffed an audacious 60 Flumps into his cakehole at once, the Scotsman had no reply. Speaking after his victory, Dan said: “hhmmmph mmm wmph.” The Huntsham Legends tournament ended in an unsurprising triumph for the Weasels, who fielded a line-up boasting a tomboy, an outdoor sports freak, two tall guys, and the inventor of the game. In an attempt to thwart cheating, Win- at-any-cost Willers was made tournament referee, but her keen sense of unfair play resulted in team selections that made Chelsea vs Sheff U look evenly balanced. The inaccurately named Mighty Moles had an absolute shocker, slumping to a humiliating 11-0 whitewash in the first round. Moles centre Andy Bum admitted: “The tournament wasn’t a resounding success for us. The whole team had being drinking lager all morning to make sure we were prepared, but for some reason we just didn’t perform on the court.” Australia trounced the UK in the ice-off final, with Corsican-born Sammy Spurgo throwing in the towel in the first round as he burst into tears and yanked his hand out of the freezing bucket. Asked if he thought English guys were pussweeds, the victorious Fergus Pumpkin replied: “Awwww, yeah.” WINTER SPORTS SCANNELLBALL Huntsham Times God has sense of humour Hoai Huong Dugong confirmed extinct MC Hammer survives tripod attack THE HOAI Huong Dugong has gone the way of the dodo and the stegosaurus – conservationists have declared the gentle Asian marine mammal no longer exists. For years the creature was thought to be nothing more than a fairytale, as marine biologist C. Cow explained: “Whenever we went looking for her, people kept saying ‘that Hoai Huong is an unbe- lievable legend’, so we thought she must be like the Loch Ness monster or something. But it turns out we totally misunderstood the context.” Now, just a few years after the first confirmed sighting of the Hoai Huong, it appears to have been absorbed into the population of Northern Large-Nosed Scannells with which it shared its habitat. Cow added: “Normally it’s a very sad day when a beautiful and much- loved creature disappears forever. “However, early indications are that the hybrid Hoai Huong Scannell into which it has evolved is going to be even better.” Three subspecies of Dugong remain in the wild: the Hawaiian Hula Dugong, the Badass DJ Dugong and an Australasian migrant species, the Hello Kitty Raving Dugong. LAUGHABLE NOVELTY rapper MC Hammer claims he has finally earned the right to be taken serious- ly, after he cheated death in an incident with a camera tripod. Hammer, real name Stanley Kirk Emilie Oriol Burrell, claims the tripod was out to bust a cap in his ass, but he just managed to dodge out of the way with an unbelievably ‘def’ body- popping dance move made possible by his enormous pants. God’s favourite rapper, who escaped with a minor wound to the nose, said: “Stop! Hammertime. Maybe I was lucky there were hordes of doctors in the room, but how many other rappers out there could take 10 feet of cold steel full in the face and keep on smilin’? I’m just too legit to quit. 50 Cent’s been shot nine times – now I too have proved I’m keepin’ it real. From, now on, bitch, I demand to be respected as a genu-wine hard-ass gangsta muthafucka.” Hammer added that his brush with death had provided inspiration for a comeback single, believed to contain the lyric: “Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-oh/ Here comes the tripod”. • Police have praised guests for keeping their cool during a weekend in which Hammer suffered the only violent injury. Pc Porkchops of Cuntsham Honstabulary said: “With a guest list including four Jokers, two wrestlers, a highwayman, a volatile tennis player, Kill Bill’s Oren Ishii and Saddam Hussein, we were expecting a lot more trouble.” Carlsberg don’t do weddings, but if they did, they’d probably be nowhere near as good as this one. Speaking after the ceremony, newlywed Joe Spanner said: ‘Dvv dvv dvv… is this thing on? Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are Vietnamese. Saucer of milk, table two. I was born ready. Doink!’ Hway Hoong added: ‘Yes, I know I’m beautiful’ Dan lines up the winner Even hiring Mr Incredible wasn’t enough to stop the Weasels FACES OF HUNTSHAM Pics: Joe McEnroe (John’s fat brother)
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Special issue of Huntsham`s premier news organ to commemorate the self-styled `Wedding of the Century`
Transcript of Huntsham Times
www.lovefest.com
Even Joey can t̓ complain as Wedding of the CenturyTM has them fuckinʼ rockinʼ… and fuckinʼ rollinʼ
VOX POP: Had agood weekend?
“The house was abit poky and notreally grand enoughfor my liking. Icouldn’t wait to get home to thecomfort of Hamilton Towers.” Lord Henry of Hamilton-Turner
“I was literally boredto tears. But I gotthe night’s biggestovation, so I guess itwasn’t a total waste of my time.”DJ Nam Usher
“Wedding of thecentury? Get tofuck. I went to abetter one in July.”Mrs Qoonica Merk
“Can’t believe theywouldn’t let me getmy rave on. You’dcry if you were shutin your room all Sunday night.”Felix Da Country Housecat
“Oooohhhh, wasthere a wedding?How exciting! Whogot married then?”Jeff Mentalman
“I suppose Ienjoyed it, if a prim-itive creature with-out a brain can beconsidered to enjoy anything.”Anna the Jellyfish
“First my idiotboyfriend makesme wear a skimpydress so I freezemy oppai off, then he pulls myhair. Honto ni saiaku deshita!” J-ko the J-girl
“I didn’t think muchof the ballooning.Standing around inthe cold and thensetting fire to a sheet of tissuepaper isn’t exactly my idea of acracking Saturday night”. John Scally
“I’m not used tobeing surroundedby moustachioed,flamboyantlydressed men. It’s just wrong.”Glenjamin Banville
“If I’d wanted to runabout in a suitfetching firewoodand taking ordersfrom a pair of knobheads, I’dhave applied for a job as a butler.”Benny Corso
“Dunno who organ-ised this shambles,but they’re clearly abunch of cowboys.”James Blunt-Moore
“I spent the entireweekend with acamera stuck to myface. Talk about afucking busman’s holiday.”TV’s Dean Griffdog
“I was just gettingstarted when Joeywet-blanket killedthe music at 9am.”Julia Crazyeyes
“Sorry, I’m too old for irony. Utterly, utter-ly awesome. Bestweekend ever. AndI’ve seen a lot of weekends.”‘Eyebrows’ Ong Noi
£23 where sold 27 September 2008
The Power of LoveTHE POWER of love is a curiousthing. It can make one man weep,make another man sing. And it canbring together a random assort-ment of pop stars, vegetables andcartoon characters and get themscreeching like freaky animals, inan orgy of wazzcockery on analmost unprecedented scale.
The union of the world’s hottestAsian babe with the world’ssmuggest man had been billed asthe ‘Wedding of the Century’, andthe unbelievable scenes atCuntsham Hourt this weekendlived up to the hype.
For this was a wedding that rede-fined weddings. From the viciouslycompetitive and dirtily fought treas-ure hunt that kicked off proceed-ings on Friday to Sunday night’sold-school rave-up, everybody’sfavourite couple took tradition and
transformed it into something alto-gether more magnificent.
Dancing, for instance, has alwaysbeen a matrimonial staple. Buthere, the first dance put Travoltaand Thurman to shame. As for theguests, they didn’t even need a DJ.A truly awful acapella rendition ofthe Back To the Future theme, afire alarm, even the ceremonyitself… all these had these rent-a-ravers reaching for the lasers.
Singing, too, is nothing out of theordinary at a wedding. But thiswasn’t your usual half-heartedmumbling of dull, tuneless hymns.Instead, we had the Dong familychoir’s heart-stopping performanceof One More Day from Les Mis …and Andy Williams’ Too Good to be
True belted out like it has neverbeen before. Over and over again.
This was a weekend that rewrotethe record books. The world’slargest ever ushing team wasassembled, and performed theirduties admirably despite a shakystart that saw early-arriving guestswandering lost around the groundswhile the ushers swigged whiskyand tried on psychedelic under-pants round the back of the house.The suavely attired QuenjaminBerk exuded his customary gravi-tas, though the effect was sadlyruined when he later reappeared ina tight vest, cycling shorts and falsemoustache.
Trouble in the bedroom
Other records that tumbled includ-ed best ever impression of an eagle(Sam Eyarghh-wood) and mostpeople ever on an antique doublebed. This latter feat was the resultof a mass bundle possibly instigat-ed by professional troublemakerSophie Fuck-tha-Poreece, whoclaims her cry of “all pile on” wasmisinterpreted. The bed sufferedsome minor wreckage, but it wasnothing several hours, a huge tubof elbow grease, some weldingequipment and the attentions of the
local blacksmith couldn’t put right.Bride Kim-Jong Dung also
notched up the longest time in his-tory for keeping a groom waiting atthe altar, with Joseph Scally lefthanging for 347 minutes 15 secondsbefore she bothered to show up.
Speaking from beyond the grave,Guinness World Records’ NorrisMcWhirter said: “Quite what WhyHung thought she was playing at is
anybody’s guess. Some claim it wasan inevitable result of choosingJulia Justaminute and Sian Spacker,the least punctual girls in NorthLondon, as her bridesmaids. Peopleforget the girls did the best job everof delegating their responsibilities.”
But it was left to the father of thebride to spring the weekend’sbiggest surprise. Where many hadbeen expecting an austere, formal
speech, he donned a cheeky bowtie and launched into a stand-upcomedy routine that had his audi-ence in stitches, before crankingthe charm up to 11 as he dancedwith every girl in sight.
Scenes such as these werebound to provoke a reaction. Thistime there was no surprise, as theresponse took the form of a mas-sive wazzcock rave-up. Joey
Flannel, who headed an all-star DJline-up, said: “It was a tough crowdout there tonight, but my unbeliev-able skills on the decks eventuallywon them over. You’ve got to playwhat they want, i.e. Underworld.”
And that was the Wedding of theCenturyTM . Tougher than diamonds,rich like cream. Stronger and harderthan a bad girl’s dream. More than afeeling. That was the power of love.
LOST PROPERTY
To reclaim any of the items listedbelow, call 0898 232323.
Wedding suit, nametape “J
Quirk”. Found in Streatham
Set of house keys
Property of Benjamin Sparrow.Found hanging from a signpost acouple of miles from Huntsham
Hoody
Pride and joy of Mr Quakob Jerk.Found by Andrea, thoughtfullysoaked in wine, tonic water andFairy liquid, then left in a sink
Entire set of worldly possessions
Belonging to Suzy Bouqetsnatcher
Sense of Zen calm
Lost by Aztec Sherwin whileattempting to meditate in the bar
Eighth of weed
Missing all weekend, found inJoe’s pocket by Heathrow security
Jacob Quirk
Father of one found asleep in abathroom wearing only boxersand a pair of socks
Three unnamed party guests
Found in the wrong beds on Monday
Two snooker players
Found under the snooker tableattempting X-rated trick shot
Yeovil
Found where Yeovil has alwaysbeen, by Sue, who is from Yeovil… with a little help from her friends
Tom’s top tips
How to be a legend of a best man
1. Choose your brother to be the
groom. That way you can steal hislines and save time writing yourspeech. “You’re my brother butalso my best mate...” You too,bro, you too. Ditto. Piece of piss.
2. Give the rings to a baby to
look after. Then if they get lost,it’s not your fault, is it?
3. Wear the same fancy dress
costume as at least three other
people, so you have an alibi ifanything goes wrong.
4. If you think you’re about to
say something inappropriate,resort to gibberish. You’re
still the life andsoul of the party,and no-one can
argue with anythingyou say. Hnnngggggg.Squeaky bobtish.
SPORTS
Danny the champion of the world
IT’S A question that has beendebated for centuries and hascaused no end of trouble through-out history. But now theologianshave proved what the less po-faced among us knew all along –God can take a joke.
The definitive proof came inthe form of three days of glorioussunshine, with which the GoodLord blessed the Scrannell-Dwongnuptials despite them featuring aspoof Christian ceremony thatbordered on the blasphemous.
In a move some feared mightincur divine wrath, bogus priestFather Danny masqueraded as aman of the cloth while othersdressed up as Jesus and generallymade a mockery of the institutionsof the Church.
“Laugh? Mate, I nearly pissed inmy beard!” chuckled the Almighty,speaking as usual through a mor-tal, Earth-based interpreter.“That’s the funniest thing I’veseen since I sent that plague offrogs into Egypt.
“I admit, when we saw Poopie inthat ’tache and biker cap, Gabrielwas fixing to turn him into a pillarof salt. But I told him, lighten upman, put your thunderbolts awayand turn that sun right up. Theseguys are fuckin’ hilarious... letsgive them a perfect weekend.”
He added: “The only reason Iarranged for Joey and HH to meetin the first place was because Ithought they’d be good for giggles.Er, I mean, I knew they would. Iknow everything.”
Sweeeet! Dan Dowdy-Brown-Suitlanded the world sweet-eatingtitle this weekend after beatingoff a brave challenge fromMarkus Pill-gram. After anervous start, the contestescalated into an epic battle,with the finalists tied on 30flying saucers each. But fortunefavours the brave/stupid, andwhen “The Gert Gob” stuffed anaudacious 60 Flumps into hiscakehole at once, the Scotsmanhad no reply.
Speaking after his victory, Dansaid: “hhmmmph mmm wmph.”
The Huntsham Legendstournament ended in anunsurprising triumph for theWeasels, who fielded a line-upboasting a tomboy, an outdoorsports freak, two tall guys, andthe inventor of the game. In anattempt to thwart cheating, Win-at-any-cost Willers was madetournament referee, but herkeen sense of unfair playresulted in team selections thatmade Chelsea vs Sheff U look
evenly balanced.The inaccurately named
Mighty Moles had an absoluteshocker, slumping to ahumiliating 11-0 whitewash in
the first round. Moles centreAndy Bum admitted: “Thetournament wasn’t a resoundingsuccess for us. The whole teamhad being drinking lager allmorning to make sure we wereprepared, but for some reason wejust didn’t perform on the court.”
Australia trounced the UK in theice-off final, with Corsican-bornSammy Spurgo throwing in thetowel in the first round as heburst into tears and yanked hishand out of the freezing bucket.
Asked if he thought Englishguys were pussweeds, thevictorious Fergus Pumpkinreplied: “Awwww, yeah.”
WINTER SPORTS
SCANNELLBALL
Huntsham Times
God has sense of humour
Hoai HuongDugong confirmedextinct
MC Hammersurvivestripod attack
THE HOAI Huong Dugong has gone the way of the dodo and thestegosaurus – conservationists havedeclared the gentle Asian marinemammal no longer exists.
For years the creature wasthought to be nothing more than a fairytale, as marine biologist C. Cow explained: “Whenever wewent looking for her, people keptsaying ‘that Hoai Huong is an unbe-lievable legend’, so we thought shemust be like the Loch Ness monsteror something. But it turns out wetotally misunderstood the context.”
Now, just a few years after thefirst confirmed sighting of the HoaiHuong, it appears to have beenabsorbed into the population ofNorthern Large-Nosed Scannellswith which it shared its habitat.
Cow added: “Normally it’s a verysad day when a beautiful and much-loved creature disappears forever.
“However, early indications arethat the hybrid Hoai Huong Scannellinto which it has evolved is going tobe even better.”
Three subspecies of Dugongremain in the wild: the HawaiianHula Dugong, the Badass DJ Dugong
and an Australasianmigrant
species, theHello KittyRavingDugong.
LAUGHABLE NOVELTY rapper MCHammer claims he has finallyearned the right to be taken serious-ly, after he cheateddeath in an incidentwith a cameratripod.
Hammer,real name StanleyKirk Emilie OriolBurrell, claims thetripod was out tobust a cap in his ass, but he justmanaged to dodge out of the waywith an unbelievably ‘def’ body-popping dance move made possibleby his enormous pants.
God’s favourite rapper, whoescaped with a minor wound to thenose, said: “Stop! Hammertime.Maybe I was lucky there werehordes of doctors in the room, buthow many other rappers out therecould take 10 feet of cold steel fullin the face and keep on smilin’? I’mjust too legit to quit. 50 Cent’s beenshot nine times – now I too haveproved I’m keepin’ it real. From,now on, bitch, I demand to berespected as a genu-wine hard-assgangsta muthafucka.”
Hammer added that his brushwith death had provided inspirationfor a comeback single, believed tocontain the lyric: “Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh,
Uh-oh/ Here comes the tripod”.
• Police have praised guests forkeeping their cool during a weekendin which Hammer suffered the onlyviolent injury. Pc Porkchops ofCuntsham Honstabulary said: “Witha guest list including four Jokers,two wrestlers, a highwayman, avolatile tennis player, Kill Bill’s
Oren Ishii and Saddam Hussein, wewere expecting a lot more trouble.”
Carlsberg don’t do weddings, but if they did, they’d probably be nowhere near as good as this one. Speaking after the ceremony, newlywed Joe Spanner said: ‘Dvv dvv dvv… is
this thing on? Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are Vietnamese. Saucer of milk, table two. I was born ready. Doink!’ Hway Hoong added: ‘Yes, I know I’m beautiful’
Dan lines
up the
winner
Even hiring Mr
Incredible wasn’t
enough to stop
the Weasels
FACES OF HUNTSHAM
Pic
s:
Joe M
cEnro
e (
John’s
fat
bro
ther)
