Document

Founded in 1949 The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

FEUX STOLEN! Mystery surrounds the disappearance from all over

College of about three thousand copies of last Friday's

FEUX.

FELIX was distributed in the usual manner between

5:00am and 7:00am on Friday morning. Shortly before

11:00am it became apparent that there were no copies

left at the distribution points, whilst few students were

carrying copies.

I n v e s t i g a t i o n s b y F E L I X staf f r e v e a l e d t h a t cop ies h a d been

r e m o v e d en masse f r o m messengers desks a n d o t h e r p laces that

F E L I X h a d b e e n p l a c e d e a r l i e r o n i n t h e m o r n i n g . N o

messenger , h o w e v e r , was a b l e to i d e n t i f y w h o h a d r e m o v e d the

cop ies .

T h e i m m e d i a t e c o n c l u s i o n w a s t h a t F E L I X h a d b e e n

c o n f i s c a t e d b y the C o l l e g e d u e to the c o n t e n t i o u s n a t u r e o f s ome

o f the a r t i c l e s . O n F r i d a y m o r n i n g , t h o u g h , m o s t o f t h e

a d m i n i s t r a t o r s i n S h e r f i e l d w h o w o u l d be l i k e l y to h o l d the

a u t h o r i t y to c on f i s ca te a U n i o n p u b l i c a t i o n o n b e h a l f o f the

C o l l e g e w e r e p r e p a r i n g for that m o r n i n g ' s m e e t i n g o f the

G o v e r n i n g B o d y .

A n o t h e r p o p u l a r t h e o r y w a s t h a t F E L I X h a d been t a k e n b y

s o m e o n e w h o felt p e r s o n a l l y o l f e n d e d by the contents . T h e

g r o u p was r a t h e r l a r g e . T h e p r i m e suspects w e r e C o l l e g e

F r e e m a s o n s w h o w i s h e d to k e e p t h e i r a c t i v i t i e s f r o m the

a t t e n t i o n o f n o n - M a s o n s . C a p t a i n L i n d l e y r e c e i v e d s e v e r a l

u n f a v o u r a b l e m e n t i o n s , b u t l a te o n F r i d a y m o r n i n g he h a d h a d

n o i d e a w h a t h a d h a p p e n e d , a n d in a n y case, it is not t h o u g h t

he has the o r g a n i s a i t o n a l a b i l i t y to success fu l ly r e m o v e F E L I X

w i t h o u t b e i n g n o t i c e d . O t h e r suspects i n c l u d e d the R e c t o r .

R C S M a s c o t r y ( w h o r e c e i v e d a n u n f a v o u r a b l e repor t in w h i c h

it was p o i n t e d o u t t h a t o n e of the g r o u p w h o h a d m a d e a n

a t t e m p t to b r e a k i n to the M i n e s B u i l d i n g , h a d been p r e v i o u s l y

c h a r g e d w i t h thef t ) , V i c t o r M o o n e y , w h o t h o u g h t the a r t i c l e o n

h i m r e p r e s e n t e d the o p i n i o n o f the E d i t o r , r a t h e r t h a n that o f

most o f the C o l l e g e , o r e v e n a R a g stunt f r o m o u t s i d e C o l l e g e .

M o s t o f these p o s s i b i l i t i e s c a n be d i s m i s s e d f a i r l y eas i ly . It it

w e r e a n a t t e m p t b y s o m e o n e i n C o l l e g e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n o f

a c a d e m i c s t a f f t o s m o t h e r F E L I X d u e to r e f e r e n c e s to

F r e e m a s o n r y , it w a s n o t success ful as messengers kept t o p i c s

b a c k to s e n d v i a the i n t e r n a l m a i l to a c a d e m i c s t a l l . A l s o

F E L I X staf f l a t e r d i s t r i b u t e d cop ies that h a d been r e t a i n e d , to

offices i n the S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g . T h i s d i s t r i b u t i o n was a l l o w e d

to go a h e a d , w h i c h m i g h t i n d i c a t e that n o - o n e there w i s h e d

F E L I X n o t to be w i d e l y r e a d .

I f s tudents w e r e to h a v e r e m o v e d the m a j o r i t y o f copies o f

F E L I X they w o u l d h a v e n e e d e d a s u b s t a n t i a l a m o u n t o f

c u n n i n g to h a v e a v o i d e d the messengers i n so m a n y p lac es , a n d

to take cop ies a w a y w i t h o u t b e i n g s p o t t e d b y a n y o n e else. A l s o ,

a g r o u p o f say ten p e o p l e c o u l d h a v e r e m o v e d a h a n d f u l o f

c op ies at a t i m e , w i t h o u t a r o u s i n g s u s p i c i o n .

L e a v i n g as ide the p r a c t i c a l i t i e s o f the thef t , there is the

q u e s t i o n o f m o t i v e . It has a l r e a d y b e e n suggested t h a t c e r t a i n

p e o p l e o r g r o u p s o f p e o p l e w e r e o f f e n d e d b y the c o n t e n t s o f

F E L I X a f ter h a v i n g seen it on Friday morning. A s w e l l as t h i s ,

S t e v e M a r s h a l l , F E L I X E d i t o r , has a n g e r e d m a n y s t u d e n t s

t h r o u g h o u t h is f o u r years at C o l l e g e . It m a y h a v e been d e c i d e d ,

e v e n m o n t h s ago , that the last issue w o u l d be s to l en as a n aet o f

" r e v e n g e " , i n o r d e r to f rus t ra te M r M a r s h a l l .

T h i s i m m a t u r e ac t has c a u s e d a lot o f d i f f i c u l t y . F E L I X has

h a d to be r e p r i n t e d a n d the e s t i m a t e d cost to the U n i o n is i n

excess o f £ 4 0 0 l o r m a t e r i a l s a l o n e (p lus p e r m a n e n t s ta f f s wages ) .

T h e o u t s i d e p a y i n g a d v e r t i s e r s , M i d l a n d B a n k , w e r e also

d e p r i v e d o f p u b l i c i t y . S t e a l i n g F E L I X is c o n t r a r y to S e c t i o n 1

o f the T h e f t A c t (1968) . T h e m a x i m u m sentence is s even y e a r s '

i m p r i s o n m e n t a n d u p t o £ 2 0 0 c o m p e n s a t i o n . I f t h e

d i s a p p e a r a n c e o f F E L I X was a s t u d e n t p r a n k , t h e n it is n o t

e x p e c t e d that s u c h a n e x p l a n a t i o n w o u l d s o u n d p a r t i c u l a r l y

h u m o r o u s i n C o u r t . A l t h o u g h F E L I X is free, it is c l e a r that it is

t h e U n i o n ' s p r o p e r t y , a n d t h a t it is d i s t r i b u t e d o n t h e

u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h a t o n l y o n e o r t w o a r e t a k e n b y e a c h s t u d e n t

a n d that it is not to be c a r r i e d a w a y i n b u l k .

M r J o h n P a s s m o r e , I C U P r e s i d e n t , c o n d e m n e d the ' ' s i l l y

waste o i U n i o n m o n e y " . H e was a s t o u n d e d w h e n t o l d a b o u t it

at G o v e r n i n g B o d y . U n i o n d i s c i p l i n a r y a c t i o n w o u l d be t a k e n

aga ins t those w h o p e r p e t r a t e d the theft , i f they w e r e s tudents .

Editorial Comment

I b e l i e v e th i s theft to h a v e been p e r p e t r a t e d b y a s m a l l g r o u p o f

s tudents at th is C o l l e g e w h o , no d o u b t , feel j u s t i f i e d in t h e i r

a c t i o n s . T h i s is i n d i c a t i v e o f t h e i r m e n t a l i t y .

S t e a l i n g F E L I X has q u a s h e d a l l o f the t w o w e e k ' s h a r d w o r k

p r e p a r i n g a r t w o r k a n d text a n d t h e p r i n t i n g i t se l f for a b u m p e r ,

c o l o u r f u l , e n d - o f - y e a r issue. T h i s issue is p r a c t i c a l l y the s a m e as

the o r i g i n a l o n l y it has been q u i c k l y p r i n t e d ( w i t h n o co l ours ) i n

s m a l l e r n u m b e r to ensure t h a t it is d i s t r i b u t e d as early as

poss ib le .

I a m d e t e r m i n e d to i d e n t i f y those r e s p o n s i b l e a n d t h e n I w i l l

i n f o r m the p o l i c e , as the m a t t e r is b e i n g dea l t w i t h i n t e r n a l l y b y

M r R e e v e s , the C h i e f S e c u r i t y O f f i c e r , at the m o m e n t . It w i l l

o n l y be a m a t t e r o f t i m e before t o n g u e s start w a g g i n g

No. 588 (Second Edition) Friday, June 19,1981 Free!

Dear Sir

I must apologise to J M u r p h y

and anybody else too stnpicl lo

see through my 's l ip of the pen ' in

describing the arms industry as

' l a b o u r i n t e n s i v e ' i n (he last

C N D c o l u m n . It is of course

capital - intensive, and equivalent

investment in many other indus

tries such as housing a n d energy

c o n s e r v a t i o n c reates l a r m o r e

j obs . H e n c e t h e c o n n e c t i o n

b e t w e e n the a r m s r a c e a n d

unemployment .

M u r p h y brings out the tired

o l d c h e s t n u t , a n d accuses I C

E N D o f b e i n g c o m m u n i s t s .

W e ' r e s u p p o r t e d by p e o p l e

r a n g i n g f r o m the left to the

centre, i n c l u d i n g I C Catho l i c

C h a p l a i n c y , a n d w e a d o p t

neither a pro-Soviet nor pro-

N A T O stance. O n a nat ional

scale the entire Q u a k e r move

ment is in C N D — h a r d l y c om

munists. T u accuse us ol being

c o m m u n i s t s is as s t u p i d a n d

irrelevant as i f I were to accuse

t h e v o c i f e r o u s r i g h t i n t h e

College of being neo-Nazis or

a s s o c i a t e d w i t h the N a t i o n a l

Front ; a suggestion from w h i c h

I 'm sure they would recoil i l l

horror.

Bear ing in m i n d the above.

M u r p h y ' s imp l i ca t i on that we

are intel lectually hand i capped is

a joke. 1 have yet to see any a n t i -

C N D w r i t e r b a c k his o r he i

a r g u m e n t s w i t h re f e rences to

a n y t h i n g concrete (our leaflets

always contain references); the

standard technique o f M u r p h y

and Benita C o r t a z z i is personal

insult and l ibellous accusation.

So whose is the intel lectual

handicap?

1 ours

Ian Heavens

B A (Hons) (Cantab)

Phvsics P G

I C C N D G r o u p

Dear Sir

W e were very surprised to sec

that you d o n ' t t h i n k we are

boring, it's so nice to know. We

do not agree however, we think

that the students are very boring,

a n d that F E L I X is too. T h e

standards are so low these days.

T h e letter Irom Messrs H a y w a r d

and H o l l i c is a pr ime example.

It is meaningless piffle, it says

nothing. W e do not consider that

this sort of puri le rubbish (which

was late anyway) is the sort of

th ing which should be published

i n a p a p e r w h i c h s u p p o s e d l y

caters for a selection of the most

intelligent people in the country.

So m u c h for an active letters

page.

It is a lso o u r o p i n i o n that

F I T , I X relies on too many over

worked cliches. T h e 'jokes' are

always the same. T h e C a p t a i n

L i n d l e y joke is a case in point: we

a s k e d h i m b o w m a n y t i m e s

F E L I X had used this joke, and

he said " I don't know, I don't

stand and count ' em, and it's not

up to me to count them e i ther . "

Q E D . C a n we have an interest

ing F E L I X please?

W e d o h o p e t h a t y o u a r e

keeping wel l , a n d that you enjoy

your hol iday.

Yours sincerely

J o h n H o l l i e , Zoo 2

D a v i d H a v w a r d , Biochem 2

Dear Sir

I should l ike to say that whatever

everybody else thinks. I for one

actual ly enjoyed reading F E L I X

this year. In a Col lege where

n o t h i n g e v e r h a p p e n s it is

o b v i o u s l y d i f f i c u l t to r u n a

n e w s p a p e r a n d p e r s o n a l l y I

w o u l d m u c h rather read about

Bob Pegg sell ing out than bor ing

r u b b i s h a b o u t b o r i n g U n i o n

allairs . I have also observed that

t h e p r i n c i p a l a c t i v i t y o f I C

students (apart from dr inking)

seems to be m a k i n g groundless

insults about each other. It would

t h e r e f o r e seem l o g i c a l f or a

representative newspaper to do

the same e s p e c i a l l y s ince the

letters pages are f i l led, week-in

week-out, w i th verbal attacks on

t h e e d i t o r . ( I t s t r i k e s m e .

i n c i d e n t a l l y , t h a t s u c h let ters

wou ld never be pr inted in any

other newspaper.) H o w many of

these c l i t i cs oi ler to write articles

themselves? O r better s t i l l , go out

a n d do something newsworthy. A

spectacular suicide w o u l d make a

good story, a n d I can think of

several people who would benefit

from d o i n g just that. F i n a l l y ,

since so many people have taken

a stand against your comments

about V i c t o r M o o n e y . a l l I can

say is: i l G o d had intended us to

eat Mooneys , he wou ld not have

g iven us tastebuds.

f ours

E d g a r Shave II (anag,

Phvsics abandoned

Dear Mr Marsha/I

I believe your friend calls you

Steve, at the end of M a y a group

of bor ing students in the middle

of equally bor ing exams went to

C h i s w i c k A m a t e u r Regatta and

won not just one race but in a

staid unexci t ing fashion won the

c o m p e t i t i o n by b l a s t i n g the

opposition by more than two

boa t l e n g t h s i n e v e r y r a c e .

A m a z e d by their own mediocrity

the I C Novice F o u r submitted a

suitably r idiculous article whi ch ,

despite the fact that I d i d not

w r i t e i t , y o u c o n s i d e r e d too

bor ing for print .

If being insult ing is the only

way to get into F E L I X then I

think you're a sod.

1 ours higheadedly

N u m b e r 3

Dear Sir

Today the Brit ish Government is

reaping the rewards of a policy of

c o n t i n u a l l y b a c k i n g u p (be

Loyalist people in Ire land.

Throughout the centuries the

Loyalists have bad their way.

Whenever they demanded any

th ing they got it. eg when they

wanted to d iv ide Ireland they

w e r e b a c k e d by the B r i t i s h

Government , or whenever they

d id not agree to power-sharing

wi th the Catho l i c minor i ty , they

opposed it and had their way.

B r i t a i n , w i th this pol icy has

succeeded in creating one of the

most reactionary and bigoted

groups of people in the wor ld ; the

L o y a l i s t s o f N I r e l a n d i n a

spectrum of racism and bigotry

wou ld be classified wi th other

racists and fascists such as the K u

K l u x K l a n or Nazis . (For further

reading on this aspect read The

Protestants of I Isler by Geoffrey

Be l l , a l iberal Protestant from X

Ireland. T h i s book analyses the

Loyal ist mental i ty and is a must

for anyone t ry ing to understand

the X Ireland situtation.)

In the early part of this century

the Loyal ists were handed the

r e i n s o l g o v e r n m e n t o l t h e

a r t i f i c i a l l y c r e a t e d state o f N

Ireland. T h i s slate was charac

terized by O r a n g e Pogroms, slate

violence and massive d i s c r i m i n a

tion against the minor i ty c om

muni ty , not to ment ion rule by

the same party lor fifty years.

T h e tone o f r e p r e s s i o n i n X

Ireland may be guaged Irom the

tact that M r Vorstere, the South

A f r i c a n m i n i s t e r for j u s t i c e

w i s h e d in 1963 for " j u s t one

clause in the X Ireland Special

Powers A c t " in exchange lor a l l

his own coercive legislation.

Ii was no suprise to read the

i oritenls of M r Boucher 's letter in

last week's F E L I X . M r Boucher 's

I n l e i c o n t a i n s t h a t c u r i o u s

mixture of untruths, distorting ol

r e a l i t y , p a r a n o i a c o n c e r n i n g

unfavourable op in ion of their

"wee U l s t e r ' and tunnel vision

with respcel to Republ i cans , that

is pecul iar to the Ulster Loyal ist

species

M r Boucher 's statement " t h a i

Loyalist paramil i tar ies have only

d e v e l o p e d in response to the

G o v e r n m e n t ' s n o n - c o m m i t t e d

actions in N I r e l a n d . " is untrue.

T h e Brit ish Government began

direct rule in 1972 and the U V F

were m u r d e r i n g innocent C a t h o

lics in 1966. eg Gusty Spence,

leader of the U V F , is at present

s e r v i n g a l i f e s e n t e n c e l o r

m u r d e r i n g a Catho l i c in 1966.

Furthermore , has M r Boucher

never heard of the ' B ' specials, a

s ta le c o n t r o l l e d p a r a m i l i t a r y

organisation disbanded by the

Brit ish Government embarrassed

by their murderous activities?

M r Boucher 's ignorance of the

situation is further exemplif ied

by the s t a t e m e n t that " t h e s e

Loyalists arc not well a r m e d " .

The Loyalists own the vast bulk

o f the ' 1 0 4 . 0 0 0 l e g a l l y h e l d

firearms eertilieates in N Ireland,

and have a total monopoly on

rifle dubs . In 1974 the I ' D A

boasted of hav ing 50.000 men.

T h e U D R currently have 7.000

l u l l and part-t ime members, the

R U C have 8 .000 . the B r i t i s h

A r m y h a v e 1 1 . 6 0 0 . not to

mention the U F F , the U V F , the

O r a n g e V o l u n t e e r s , the R e d

H a n d C o m m a n d o e s a n d M r

P a i s l e y ' s ( w h o m M r B o u c h e r

refers to as a moderate) private

a r m y , r e c e n t l y r e v e a l e d to

journalists on a mounta in top.

H o w c a n a n y o n e w i t h a n y

i n t e l l i g e n c e c l a i m t h a t t h e

Loyalists arc not well -armed?

M r Boucher states that the

w o r l d m e d i a a r e c o n s t a n t l y

"get t ing it w r o n g " . Has it ever

occurred to M r Boucher that

p e r h a p s they are " g e t t i n g it

r i g h t " and that his views are not

supported anywhere but in X

Ireland and Britain? T h i s is a

classic symptom of the Loyalist

m e n t a l i t y , d i s b e l i e f i n a n y

derogatory comment about their

"wee U l s t e r " , from the wor ld

press.

F i n a l l y M r Boucher 's state

ment " that most paramil i tar ies '

actions are against R e p u b l i c a n

sympathies" would be laughable

if the situation was not so serious.

As a v i c i m of, and witness to

O r a n g e ogroms and assassination

attempts in the early 1970s in N

I r e l a n d , let me a s s u r e M r

Boucher that the only qual i f i ca

t i o n necessary for m u r d e r by

L o y a l i s t p a r a m i l i t a r i e s i n N

Ireland is the misfortune to have

been born a Cath o l i c . (For an

analysis of mot ivat ion of murders

in N Ire land read Political Murder

in ,Y Ireland, a book publ ished in

the early 1970s.)

I f M r B o u c h e r i n s i s t s o n

w r i t i n g letters let's hope he gets

his facts right next time.

It is obvious to everyone in the

wor ld except the Br i t i sh G o v c r n -

C.'onlinued on page 4.

Women in Hall:

the Final Word The Rector has recently received a petit ion from a n u m b e r ol students

a r g u i n g t h a t the p r o p o s a l s a g r e e d by the S t u d e n t s R e s i d e n c e

Commit tee concerning the redistr ibution of women's places in H a l l s

are contrary to the best interests of women at Imper ia l Col lege.

After consultation w i t h the S R C the Rector is satisfied that the w e l l -

being of women students has been carefully considered. T h e changes

proposed for next session s imply represent the next step in the pol icy

which has been evolved over many years to increase the n u m b e r of

mixed residences in the Col lege and to increase the number of places

for women as their overal l numbers increase, this year i n c l u d i n g the

provision of an add i t i ona l sixteen places in H a l l lor women students.

T h e achievement of a satisfactory balance is difficult a n d w i l l r e m a i n

so unt i l there is a substantial increase in the number of women students

overal l , but it has always been seen that there must be a reasonable

percentage representation of women in any mixed ha l l . N e w m i x e d

halls have been introduced, in the past and as proposed now, by first

increasing the n u m b e r of places allocated to women in exist ing m i x e d

halls and then transferring a block of these places to an a l l -male h a l l .

T h e proposals now made w i l l result in the fo l lowing changes:

B E I T H A L L : Decrease in women's places from 46 to 28 a n d a n

equivalent increase of 18 places for men.

S E L K I R K H A L L : Decrease in women's places from 30 to 24 a n d an

equivalent increase of 6 places lor men.

T I Z A R D H A L L : T o become mixed with 24 women's places and 96

men's places.

W E E K S H A L L : T o become mixed with 16 women's places a n d 50

men's places.

There w i l l be no other changes.

H a v i n g made the decision that T i z a r d and Weeks H a l l s should be

mixed it wou ld be inappropr iate , as the petitioners must realise, to

provide only two or three women's places in each a n d so quotas i n

mult iples of eight have been agreed. O v e r the next few years the

number of women's places w i l l continue to be increased u n t i l it is

possible lor further residences to become mixed . Be i l H a l l , f rom w h i c h

most protests about the proposed redistr ibution have come, w i l l st i l l

have 28 women's places to 87 men's places.

Seats

Pinched O V E R T H E P A S T lour months,

sixty-l ive chairs have disappeared

from the U n i o n L o w e r Refectory.

It is suspected that some have

b e e n d i s t r i b u t e d a r o u n d the

U n i o n , but the m a i n l i n e o f

t h i n k i n g seems to be that Beit

r e s i d e n t s h a v e n i c k e d t h e m .

However , when F E L I X asked a

Beit resident about this al legation,

he t o l d us that t h e r e w a s n ' t

enough room in a Beit room for

extra furniture, and that there

were two c h a i r s a l r e a d y . M r

Reeves (Chie f Security Officer)

would appreciate it if the chairs

could be returned as soon as

possible, otherwise a search w i l l

have to be carr ied out.

Sabbaticals

Fined T w o o f next y e a r ' s p o t e n t i a l

s a b b a t i c a l o f f icers have been

disc ip l ined by Col lege lor their

part in a recent mascotry ra id .

M r Barney M c C a b e , Deputy

P r e s i d e n t - e l e c t , M r M a r c o

L e d w o l d , H o n o r a r y Secretary-

e lec t a n d l o u r o thers (one o f

w h o m has a c r i m i n a l record for

theft) were each l ined £25 i n

connect ion wi th an attempt to

enter the M i n e s B u i l d i n g in M a y .

T h e r a i d went badly wrong , the

mascot was not there, a n d early

on in the r a i d , one member of the

t e a m f e l l a n d w a s k n o c k e d

u n c o n s c i o u s , r e n d e r i n g h i m

i n c a p a b l e o f t a k i n g his f i n a l

exams. Despite this setback, the

rest of the group carr ied on.

FELIX Motor Rally The Annual F E L I X Motor Rally took place on Sunday morning,

with a team from R C S U Motor Club winning by a hair 's breadth.

The Ral ly was due to start with eight teams but lour dropped out at the

last minute lor a variety of reaons. As the Ral ly coincided with the

"Banbury R u n " , this meant that no teams from Guilds were able to enter.

The emphasis from the usual C C U teams was changed this year and a team

from the orchestra, a motorcycle pair, and a team lead by F E L I X Sports

Editor. P h i l Webb, took part, together with the winning R C S U team.

At 9:30am, the teams left the F E L I X Office with their instructions to

plan their route on the pavement. The Ral ly consisted of two parts: dr iv ing

to varied locations around London lo gain specific information and

collecting "treasure" on the way.

Surprisingly, only one team managed to find the club "that might offer

them honorary membership" in Craven Street. This was the "Treasure

Hunters' C l u b " . What about " H o w many took pari in the famous uprising

led by the soldier whose statue in the M a l l overlooks Horseguards Parade: '"

The statue is of the Duke of York. He's the one who had 10,000 men, of

course, but that would only score hall points for the correct answer was

10.001. A Scaramouche clue was " W h a t business at the junction ol Plough

Road and York Road, SW10, is a source of wicked fabrications?" Why . the

candle factory, naturally-

A new idea this year was to ask the teams .to make rubbings of various

plaques. The drain rover near Bclgrave Road inscribed " A Smcl l ie " served

to annoy some Sunday motorists who came across the R C S U team, who

had mistook the cover in the middle of the road lor the correct one.

Unluckiest team of al l was the orchestra one. who incurred penalty

points lor being just three seconds late which lost them the Ral ly . Later

they realised they had not put a wristwateh in the treasure bag—very

ironical.

The results were:

First: R C S U Motor C l u b (Paul Johnson. Spish, Andy Wilson) 120pts.

Seconds: I C S O (Tim Jones. Richard Diekins. Dominic X u d d . Isobel C o l

lins) 118pts

T h i r d : (Phil Webb. M i k e Clil 't . Louise Innes) 9Ipts

Fourth: Motorbike team (Felix O 'Conncr . Karen Lippialt ) 45pts.

Prize: the R C S U team wil l have their names engraved on the Rally pot

in the Union Bar,

Next year's rents Next year's H a l l rents w i l l be:

Singles: Soulhskle, Linstead. gUJBa

Week-

Singles: New Ben £19:50:

Single-: (Jarden. Old Beit, £18.00:

Evelyn (iclns.

9 Princes Gdns

Doubles: l.inslead £10.00:

Doubles: Eyrlyn Gdns. £14.50:

Garden Hal l . Beit

Singles Basemenl

Triples: £11.50.

Byelaw changes

Three changes to I d ' s byelaws,

w h i c h had been passed by two

U n i o n Meetings , were accepted

b y t h e G o v e r n i n g B o d y o n

F r i d a y . M a k i n g the E m s C h a i r

m a n a member of C o u n c i l , and

extending the grounds for Li fe

M e m b e r s h i p w e r e a c c e p t e d

qu i ck ly , though some Governors

s t r o n g l y o p p o s e d a b o l i s h i n g

I C W A . '

Last Aid Last M o n d a y d u r i n g the one day

u n o f f i c i a l s t r i k e by L o n d o n

ambulance men I C R e d Cross

v o l u n t e e r s m a n n e d t w o R e d

C r o s s a m b u l a n c e s b a s e d at

Br ix ton and N o t t i n g H i l l Pol ice

Stat ion for the twenty-four hour

period.

T h e a m b u l a n c e s w e r e to

provide emergency '999' cover i n

conjunction wi th the police, a

po l iceman being assigned to ride

wi th each vehicle.

D u r i n g the twenty-four hour

period our volunteers were ca l led

out to d e a l w i t h e m e r g e n c i e s

vary ing from an injured c h i l d to

a w o m a n g o i n g i n t o l a b o u r .

O n e c a l l was for a "suspected

d e c e a s e d " at S h e p h e r d s B u s h

Green . T h e ambulance ar r ived

to f ind the " d e a d " m a n " d e a d

d r u n k " . H e was taken to hospital

for a check up and then by police

van to " r e cover " in the cells of

Shepherds Bush Pol ice Stat ion .

T h a n k s to a l l the I C R e d Cross

Detachment members who gave

u p t h e i r t i m e to c o v e r t h i s

emergency was expressed by the

E m e r g e n c y C o - o r d i n a t o r at

Scot land Y a r d .

'Nuke

the Reds!'

says Rector Sir H e n r y T i z a r d , Rec to r of I C

1929-1944, led a group w h i c h

submitted plans for an attack on

Russian cities by B r i t a i n using

atomic bombs a n d germ warfare

weapons to the jo int chiefs of staff

technical warfare committee in

1946. These have recently been

found in documents at the P u b l i c

Records Office.

Reports inc luded a list of a l l

Russian cities w i t h a popu lat i on

of m o r e t h a n 100 ,000 w i t h i n

bombing range of Br i t i sh bases.

A total of fifty-eight target

cities m a k i n g up 17.5% of the

Soviet U n i o n ' s u r b a n popu la t i on

lay w i t h i n range of the bases.

T h e committee conc luded that

the most profitable objects of

attack by the new weapons w i l l

normal ly be concentrations of

populat ion , centres of d i s t r i b u

tion a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n . (For

those of you w i t h two " E " s a n d a

" D " , T i z a r d H a l l is named after

Viscount Fa lmouth . )

Continued from /'«.£,''' 2.

ment and the Loyalists that N

Ireland does not work. The only

po l i t i ca l framework that has any

hope ol w o r k i n g is for thu Uls ter

Protestants to take their place as

a natura l minor i ty w i t h i n an A l l -

Ire land context.

F o r this to be achieved the

L o y a l i s t p h e n o m e n o n w h i c h

successive Bri t ish Governments

have created and lor centuries

led and nurtured on a diet of

bigotry a n d hatred, must one day

be faced.

U n t i l that day, more - people

w i l l die, Br i t i sh soldiers, Cathol ics

and Protestants a l l vict ims of the

sad tragic state w h i c h the Brit ish

Government insists on m a i n t a i n

ing despite dai ly evidence that

their insane pol icy does nol work.

1 ours sincerely

G e r r y O ' R e i l l y

.'1 strictly private and confidential

letter

Sir

I w o u l d l ike to be the first to

c o m p l a i n a b o u t y o u r f i n a l

attempt at p r o d u c i n g a humor

ous a n d didascal ic F E L I X , by-

render ing my condemnat ion and

disgust at the way in w h i c h you

h a v e w a s t e d the v a l u a b l e r e

sources put at your disposal, on

such ignominious suttra.

T h e r e c o r d o f y o u r m i s

demeanours speaks for itself. Not

being content wi th produc ing

decadent filth and poltrooneristic

mater ia l to degrade the morals of

the poor student to the lowest of

levels, you have now embarked

upon a concatenation o f three

F E L I C E S into one. T h e purpose

o f this is, no doubt, to al low

yourself more t ime to indulge in

p a s t i m e s o f a m o r e f r i v o l o u s

nature.

I was appa l l ed to read that you .

intend to visit that bastion of

jud ic ia l ponderosity and demo

cracy South A m e r i c a . I w i l l do

my utmost to alert the relevant

authorities in that area to your

intentions and hope that they

w i l l send you to practice your

s u t t e e i s m e l s e w h e r e . R e c e n t

events, however, have shown that

these foreign types seem to have a

l i k i n g for Engl i sh rogues.

A l l things said, I think you're

very funny. I only hope that

M a r k Smith 's perspicaciousness

lives up to that of your own.

Yours sincerely

P a u l D o n o v a n

P S : R u m o u r s that I have only

wr i t ten this letter to prove to you

that I do have grandeur com

m a n d over the Engl i sh language

are totally unfounded and are

without trace of fact. M a y I add

that I wholeheartedly agree wi th

one ' E ' Jarvis ' s correspondence

in the last F E L I X . M e m b e r s of

that irreverent, isopodous inst i tu

t ion , the I F , should really stick to

activities of which more note has

been taken over the years. If any

members of the aforementioned

group f ind themselves w i t h spare

t ime on their hands, then I urge

them in the strongest possible

terms to come and oiler their

services at the F E L I X Office. I

w i l l be most pleased to find use

for their l imbs on the product ion

of the I C U Handbook .

Cher Steve

C o n c e r n a n t c e r t a i n s o e u v r e s

l i t t e r a i r e s r e e e m m e n t parues

(sic-Ed) dans votre publ i cat ion , i l

me semble q u ' i l soit (sic-Ed)grand

temps (sic-Ed) que ees cheres

d e m o i s e l l e s de l ' I F e s s a y e n t

(sic-Ed) d 'atteindre leur soixante-

d ix en steno. et pas tin mot de

moins, plutot que de (sic-Ed)

l e t t res de e o n n e r i e s (sic-Ed).

Cee i , afin (sic-Ed) eviter qu'elles

(sic-Ed) n'aient (sic-Ed) f a i r de

causer par leur c'uls (sic-Ed) (bien

jobs soit-ils (sic-Ed)).

V e u y e z (sic-Ed) agreer, mon

sieur la gueulade de ma tete

vaehment (sic-Ed) soulee.

M i k e K l e y n EFT

P S : C a n I come and see you in

B r a z i l .

Sir

Y o u r current campaign against

the President is disgraceful. I

have frequently been present at

cases in w h i c h J o h n has been

involved , and on every occasion I

was firmly of the op in ion that he

got to the last bottle.

/ am. sir, his obedient servant

J Pettifoger M S e (Wellongong)

Sir

Y o u r current campaign against

t h e P r e s i d e n t is d i s g r a c e f u l .

F E L I X is certainly not a papei I

w o u l d let my wife or servants

read.

lours huh

T h e R e d - B a r o n "

Sherfield B u i l d i n g

I wonder i f any of your readers

have noted the close resemblance

between C a p t a i n Lindley and

Co lone l W h i t e , Supreme C o m

m a n d e r - i n - C h i e f of the Spectrum

O r g a n i s a t i o n i n t h e G e r r y

Anderson puppet series ' C a p t a i n

S c a r l e t ' ? I w o n d e r i l by any

chance thev are related?

S . I . G .

T h e Mvsterons

Captain Lindley

Colonel White

Small Ads • H a c k of the Y e a r — S t e p h e n G o u l d e r .

• F o l d a b l e b i c y c l e , nearly new, V G C ,

£ 4 5 . C o n t a c t M i s s J N e w t o n - M o w e s ,

Mat S c i P G , int 2425.

• Y a m a h a R D 250, fast a n d reliable ,

£ 3 8 0 o n o , q u i c k sale . B r u c e 794-4760.

• L a d i e s C l a u d B u t l e r 5 - s p d b i c y c l e .

H u r e t G e a r s , as n e w (8mths o ld) , £ 9 0 .

P h o n e int 3655 o r 2048.

•10 c u b i c ft B o s c h c h e s t freezer in

e x c e l l e n t c o n d i t i o n , , £ 1 0 0 . P h o n e int

3331 o r 1316 d a y - t i m e o r 589-4332

after 6 p m a n d w e e k e n d s .

• S e l m e r 50w C o m b o A m p £ 7 5 o n o .

C o n t a c t J G r i f f i n , R m 123 M e c h E n g or

int 3556.

• H o w a b o u t B r o a d s t a i r s , K e n t for a

low c o s t s e l f - c a t e r i n g h o l i d a y with

f r i e n d s ? V i c t o r i a n h o u s e , s l e e p s u p to

10, fully e q u i p p e d . N e a r c h a l k cliffs

a n d s a n d y b e a c h e s , g o o d for s w i m

m i n g , c a n o e i n g , w a l k i n g a n d f o s s i l -

h u n t i n g ! P l u s great l o c a l f i sh a n d c h i p

s h o p (37p for c o d a n d c h i p s , M a y ' 8 1 j .

A v a i l a b l e m i d - J u l y a n d all S e p t e m b e r .

M o r e detai ls f r o m S u e , int 2898 or eves

650 4679.

• E n g l i s h for o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s , private

t u i t i o n , o n e - t o - o n e , s m a l l g r o u p s ,

e x p e r i e n c e d t e a c h e r . T e l e p h o n e

Lester 352-1414.

• A b o x of r e c o r d s / t a p e s went m i s s i n g

from the IC R a d i o Of f ice in S o u t h s i d e

in the first week of term of J u n e . T h e

tapes w e r e m y o w n p e r s o n a l p r o p e r t y

a n d c o n t a i n e d m a t e r i a l w h i c h is

i r r e p l a c e a b l e . T h e intrinsic va lue of the

r e c o r d s / t a p e s is very smal l a n d I w o u l d

be grateful for a n y i n f o r m a t i o n l e a d i n g

to their return. D M Fuller, IC Radio

Station Manager.

• A - R e g i s t r a t i o n r e d h e a d s e e k s male

h o r n - p l a y i n g r a b b i t t o p l a y o n

W e d n e s d a y e v e n i n g s .

• T o w h o m It m a y c o n c e r n : T h e

o c c u p a n t s of flat 14 w i s h it to be k n o w n

that as of the 19th d a y of J u n e Y e a r of

o u r L o r d M C M L X X X I , t h e y w i l l

h e n c e f o r t h be in r e s i d e n c e at their

r e s p e c t i v e c o u n t r y r e t r e a t s in t h e

A e g e a n , t h e H i g h l a n d s , t h e W e s t

C o u n t r y , the land of the B r i g a n t e s , the

H a r z M o u n t a i n s a n d K n o t t y A s h .

P e r s o n s a t t e m p t i n g to p a r t a k e of

a f t e r n o o n tea at the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d

a b o d e , s u b s e q u e n t to this t e m p o r a l

point , are w a r n e d that they m a y c o m e

into c l o s e p r o x i m i t y with a g i m b a l -

j a w e d l o g o m a n i a c . G i v e n u n d e r o u r

h a n d s : the G o n a d s .

• M i k e R ( G e o l Staff) B e e n s u r p r i s e d

lately? M o r e in s tore? S i g n e d : T h e

G a n g . P S S h a m e a b o u t y o u r K o d a k

f i lm.

• V O T E H E X H A M , for chie f r o c k e n d s .

• G e n u i n e F r e n c h N i g h t c l u b o p e n

da i ly . F o r details , p h o t o s , free s a m p l e s ,

etc, see N i c k C o x , F a l m o u t h 324.

• B o l l a r d s . S e e I M o r r i s C h e m 1.

• Y o u t o o will bel ieve a m a n c a n fly.

S u p e r m a n 3. F o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n see

M i k e , R o o m 256 F a l m o u t h .

• R W W q u a l i f i e s f o r a B l a c k - a n d -

D e c k e r thru the k n e e c a p s . L o t s of love

D N W .

• E l e c t r i c a l E n g i n e e r i n g d i e d t o da y .

M a s s r e m e m b r a n c e o v e r the Q u e e n s

( D N W / W e hate s l i m y p r o d u c t i o n s ) .

• B e s t w i s h e s to F l o o r 1. H a p p y returns

for next year , D o u z e .

• A n y r e d port left K e r m i t ? First F l o o r

M u p p e t s .

• W h e r e are y o u h i d i n g m y sweet.

• D o n M o n r o — H a n d s off o u r r e d h e a d .

I C S O B r a s s s e c t i o n .

• N o t e s m i s s i n g ? F o r expert a d v i c e o n

p h o t o c o p y i n g notes , s e e D E l l e m a n ,

R o o m 76 W e e k s H a l l .

• G o o d try N i g e " Y o u r J o k i n g " Walls ;

y o u get three points for a refusal a n d

z e r o for t e c h n i q u e , c h e e r s — L o n g

B l o n d e Hair .

• F o r s e x u a l l y i n h i b i t e d girls , there are

free l e s s o n s with the M i c h e l i n M a n ,

L i n s t e a d A 2 . A n y t i m e , p l e a s e br ing

y o u r o w n t o o t h p i c k s .

• T h e A l l steel B i c y c l e C l u b : P e r s o n s

w i t h 2 c w t s t e e l b i c y c l e w i t h 4 s p d

S t u r m e y A r c h e r a n d integral d y n a m o

h u b w h o are interested in a tour of the

H i g h l a n d s ( m a x s p d 1 0 m p h ) to

o b s e r v e the rare s ight of a g a n n e t at

w o r k s h o u l d c o n t a c t J a m e s S e b a s t i a n

G r a y ( G e o l 2) at o n c e for further

detai ls .

• A n y o n e i n t e r e s t e d i n C R A P . .

( C a m p a i g n for R e a l l y A s t r o n o m i c a l

P e a s a n d beans) c o n t a c t R o n G o u l d -

ing , ext 4130. S o c i e t y m e e t s M o n d a y

e v e n i n g s at six in R o o m 333 new

C h e m i s t r y B u i l d i n g .

• T o the four P h y s i c s L i b r a r y C a r r e l ' s

s w e e t h e a r t s ; p l e a s e r e v e a l m o r e .

S i g n e d the P h y s i c s L i b r a r y C a r r e l ' s

l e c h e r s !

• S i m o n the gay , b a s t a r d , p a e d o p h i l e

g e o l o g i s t (what a player) has s o m e

" B a a a d N e e e w w w s " . T o raise f u n d s he

is h a v i n g to sell his c o l l e c t i o n of fossil

m a g s , v ibrat ing h a m m e r s , inflatable

a m m o n i t e s , etc . First c o m e , first

A p p l y L i n s t e a d H a l l .

• B E 1 invite e v e r y o n e to a G o b - o n - a -

W i m p e v e n i n g . F e a t u r i n g D a v e (Wol len

H a i r d o ) S m o l l e t a n d S l i m e y (Easter

Island) R u s s e l l . M e e t Beit A R e h , 7:30.

P S : U p y o u r s H a r r i s o n !

• P h o t o s h o p S a l e : T h e P h o t o s h o p still

has s o m e 400 a n d 200 A S A E k t a -

c h r o m e f i lm. T h i s will g o o n sale at a

r e d u c e d P h o t o s h o p p r i c e to c lear it o n

Wednesday, June 24, O l d D a r k r o o m .

A l s o o n e or two b l a c k a n d white films

left.

R E V I E W O F T H E Y E A R

Did so little really happen?

I C U ' s year started with a bang (or a smash)

when thieves broke into the Union Office and

stole about £5,000 worth of trophies from the

cabinet. A t that time the Union had been

pressing for better locks and an alarm for the

cabinet, but due to slow moving administration

i n the Estates Dept, headed by M r D C l a r k , no

action had been taken; despite letters from last

year's Deputy President, Malco lm Brain . Even

now, the cabinet is not locked, but an alarm

has been fixed up. It seems unlikely that

Estates will get round to doing anything about

this for some time.

A n o t h e r a r e a w h e r e Rae S n e e , D e p u t y

President, has crossed swords with Estates

has been o v e r S o u t h s i d e s e c u r i t y . A f t e r

Estates had assured her that the work of fitting

new locking doors in the lower levels would be

completed by early M a y , it later transpired that

estimates were still being considered after the

supposed date for completion.

Union Meetings

One area of Un ion politics which has been ot

concern this year, as indeed in most previous

years, has been the low attendance at U G M s .

Out of nine meetings held, five were closed

due to inquoracy. The Freshers ' U G M was

stopped by Steve Goulder , as was a meeting in

the spring term, giving him a reputation as M r

Q u o r u m Caller .

A t the second meeting, motions on overseas

s t u d e n t s a n d G r e e k s t u d e n t s fees were

passed, as was a motion on lecturer training.

T h i s m e e t i n g a l s o p a s s e d a m o t i o n o n

limiting to once a term motions on the same

matter.

Barney McCabe, ICU Deputy President-elect,

stresses a point during the election run-up.

Elections this year were fairly uncontroversial, but

did produce some unexpected candidates.

The third meeting in the first term was well

attended and motions were passed affiliating

C N D and opposing South African sponsored

s t u d e n t s o n n u c l e a r fue l s c o u r s e s . T h e

meeting also passed a motion criticising Steve

Marshall 's recent satirical attacks on Dare

Afolabi and others.

S o o n a f t e r C h r i s t m a s c a m e a n o t h e r

meeting—one of the worst attended, as many

students didn't know about it, or were doing

exams. However the meeting passed a motion

on bicycles before closing due to lack of

business. The next meeting was something of

a mix-up. The date had to be brought forward

hurriedly, after the F E L I X Editor pointed out

to the Exec that bye-law changes given their

first reading before Christmas would be lost if

the next meeting was not held within forty

College days. So the date was changed and the

turnout disappointingly low. This did not stop

the meeting being very heated, as the low

attendance seemed to be blamed on the Exec ,

some of whom reacted angrily.

T h e S a b b a t i c a l H u s t i n g s M e e t i n g c a m e

next. This was very well attended and a motion

of N o Confidence in the F E L I X Editor was

proposed which proved very interesting. The

results meeting was closed due to inquoracy.

In the t h i r d t e r m , b o t h meet ings w e r e

stopped but a motion did get passed on the

Union 's distribution of finances. Thus over the

year eight motions were passed.

The motion on C N D affiliation caused a stir,

as there were legal problems over spending

Union money on matters outside the Union

constitutional powers. The in-phrase at that

time for most of the U n i o n was ultra vires,

whilst for F E L I X it was ejustem generis. This

legal principle showed the limited way in which

the byelaws would be interpreted if tested in

court, and after many telephone calls and

letters from the Union to its solicitors, the

decision was finally taken not to affiliate to

C N D .

Another motion which was part of a larger

campaign by some students in the Union was

that i n v o l v i n g S o u t h A f r i c a n s t u d e n t s o n

nuclear courses here. The College policy is to

allow this, but some students have picketed

G o v e r n i n g B o d y , o r g a n i s e d debates a n d

lobbied the Rector to change this, but without

any apparent success.

One thing to come out of this year's Union

meetings were some changes in the Union

Byelaws. The first, to disband I C W A had been

going through "first readings" for a few years,

but not u n t i l th is t e r m was I C W A final ly

a b o l i s h e d ( s u b j e c t to G o v e r n i n g B o d y ' s

approval).

In October , J o h n Passmore, I C U President,

organised a freshers' concert with N o Dice.

Due to lack of action on his behalf, the concert

lost £500, and John Passmore admitted total

responsibility for the flop, and said "I don't

know what I'll do . . . 1 think I'll resign."

Mark Clegg, Consoc Chairman and PWP Chairman,

strikes an unconventional pose whilst dancing the

night away at No 10.

Edinburgh A w a r d Scheme came in November ,

a n d t h i s r e s u l t e d in M r M o o n e y b e i n g

described as a superb caterer in College, and

Capta in Lindley admitting he didn't know

exactly what was going on. The visitors the

next week were less welcome. They abused

the U n i o n O f f i c e s taf f a n d s t o l e J o h n

P a s s m o r e for a few h o u r s . F r e d S a n g e r ,

double Nobe l prizewinner, came in December ,

and Shirley Williams came in January. She

returned later in the year to inaugurate the

S D P at the College.

In February the Navy came to tell us what

they do, and D r Magnus Pyke came to wave

his arms about. This month also saw D r G a r r y

Hunt , Giles Shaw M P and Raymond Baxter . In

M a r c h we had M a r k Carl isle M P , Patrick

Moore , and Ian M c G r e g o r . So this year IC has

had its fair share of important visitors, but the

fatal attraction of the College seems elusive to

this writer.

Visitors

Visitors to College this year have been most

interesting. Sir Keith Joseph pointed the way

in October ; Prince Phillip and the D u ke of

Headbangers? No, a display of Martial Arts in the

JCR during International Week.

Mark Carlisle to Mark Clegg: "My, my, Sonny, you've got a big one!"

Mascotry

Mascotry reared its head this year again.

The first term saw Gui lds get Ci ty University 's

Carro t and then Ci ty return to inadvertently

steal J o h n Passmore. It is often claimed that IC

students do not need U L U because theyu

have a l l the fa c i l i t i e s , c l u b s a n d soc i e t i e s

necessary in their own College without going

outside. The same could be said of mascotry.

Due to the unique division of C C U s aspiring

mascot violators can practice inside their own

College. This happened in M a r c h when R C S U

v i o l a t e d " D a v e y " the M i n e s m a s c o t . T h e

mascot was taken to an R C S U G M and Mines

repossessed it after an "ugly scene", in M a y ,

R C S U m a d e a s e c o n d a t t e m p t to t a k e

"Davey" , this time unsuccessful. R i ch Archer ,

R C S U President was unaware of most of the

a c t i v i t i e s of the m a s c o t r y g r o u p , a n d his

resignation came as the culmination of a long

period of bitterness.

Rag fortunes this year have fluctuated; a

high attendance for the traditional tiddlywinks

followed by lesser numbers for other events.

The Rag C h a i r m a n was forced to resign, but

Rag Week was enjoyed by everyone who took

part.

Boring

T w o events that most students don't know a

lot about were Meet IC and I N C O S T . Capta in

Lindley organised Meet IC and L i z Lindsay,

I N C O S T . The College would do well to hire

her in two years time for the next Meet IC to

make it more sucessful. Should the Union

r e c i p r o c a t e t h e g e s t u r e w i t h i t s n e x t

conference though?

Rachel Snee as Deputy President this year,

has to some extent wasted her abilities in often

unnecessary attacks on F E L I X personnel. She

s e e m s t o s p e n d t o o m u c h t i m e b e i n g

"disgusted" to change that which she has been

disgusted about. A s for J o h n Passmore, well,

his leadership could not be called inspired or

d y n a m i c . H e has f r e q u e n t l y f a c e d severe

criticism at U n i o n meetings but shrugged it off,

m u c h as he tr ied to fend off F E L I X . It is

n o t t h o u g h t t h a t a l i s t of t h e E x e c ' s

achievements this year would be very long,

however, credit is due to them for keeping the

U n i o n ticking over since last year. C o u n c i l this

year has been rather too obsessed with its own

self-importance to be of much use. Fortunately

it has not got bogged down in "pol i t ical " issues

and the discussion of these matters are usually

brought to a U G M (if its not inquorate!).

Steve Marshall W i t h o u t a d o u b t t h o u g h , t h e m o s t

contraversial aspect of the U n i o n this year has

been F E L I X .

Steve Marshal l has never let a chance slip to

point out the inadequacy and pettiness of

those in College administration and in Union

posts. H e has not shied away from defending

the concept of editorial freedom, refusing to be

told what to do by anyone. His editorial reign

has been more concerned with "quality" than

"quantity" . H e seems to hold the U n i o n and its

institutions in not inconsiderable disrespect,

and there are very few peeople who can deal

w i t h h i m to the i r o w n a d v a n t a g e . S t e v e

Marshal l 's editorial style has so often resulted

i n t h e n e w s p a p e r b e i n g t h e n e w s . H i s

campaign against Dare Afolabi whilst being

disgraceful was the talking point of many

groups for some time. The issue that caused

the greatest controversy was at the start of

1981 and concerned the non-awarding of a

knighthood to M r Mooney . A l l sections of

College felt strongly about that issue either for

or against, and strong pressure was put on

Steve Marshal l to apologise to M r Mooney.

H o w e v e r , he p u b l i s h e d a n a r t i c l e w h i c h

explained what had happened and this was

accepted as an apology, by Union C o u n c i l ,

even though it showed little sign of remorse or

regret in it.

T h e o t h e r m a j o r i ssue w h i c h a r o u s e d

passions were the insulting remarks made by

Steve Marshal l about Princess Anne . This

resulted in a motion of N o Confidence in him

being brought to the Hustings U G M . W i t h his

customary disregard for precedent, he refused

to speak in his own defence, but instead had a

statement read on his behalf (which included

criticism of the Exec) in which he offered to

resign there and then. This was a dramatic

m o v e , but the m e e t i n g d i d not s i eze the

opportunity of throwing him out, however.

It is very difficult to say what the effect of

th is y e a r ' s F E L I X has been . It has been

claimed that F E L I X has made it difficult for the

U n i o n to deal with College. I'm sure the people

in College have more sense than that. F E L I X

has been very controversial, and this means

that most people read it, if only to be shocked

by bare b o t t o m s a n d o b s c e n i t i e s (for M r

Marshal l caters for all tastes). The controversy

that so often surrounds F E L I X "hatchet-job"

can too easily be concerned with the style and

nature of the article, rather than what the

article was about. This is a pity. But at least

Steve Marshal l can claim to have published

what the U n i o n really thinks about certain

people and institutions, as exemplified by what

elected representatives are happy to say in

the U n i o n B a r , r a t h e r t h a n o n C o l l e g e

committees.

Handbook Help

A r e you multi-talented and staying in or

around College for the summer? If so why not

pop into the F E L I X office and see what's

happening on the I C U n i o n H A N D B O O K .

Whatever you're into we can use you. If you

are a literary genius then you are especially

welcome as articles on eating-out, going-out,

p u b g u i d e e t c . e t c a r e n e e d e d n o w .

So pull your finger out while you've still got

the chance.

Tizard Hall

Assistant Sub-Wardens

Applications are invited for two posts of assis

tant sub-warden which have been created in

T i z a r d Hall for the academic year 1981/2. Rent-

free accommodat ion in a single room will be

provided. T izard Hall will have approximately

94 men and 24 women residents and the duties

of the assistant sub-warden are to help the

warden and sub warden with the day-to-day

organisation of the Hall and to contribute to its

social life.

Both female and male students of Imperial

College are invited to apply and although the

successful applicants would normally be post

graduates, applications from others will be con

sidered on their merits.

Applications withacurriculumvitaeandnames

College referees if possible, should be sent to

D r M H R Hutchinson, Warden , T izard Hal l ,

before July 3, 1981.

EXEC PARTY!

Thursday 25th June , 8:30 J C R , band, bar extension 'til 2 Entrance by Union C a r d

A Considered Opinion

The role of the Rector

in College life

It is d i f f i c u l t , if no t i m p o s s i b l e to d i s e n t a n g l e the r o l e o f the

R e c t o r as a p o s i t i o n w i t h the p e r s o n w h o h o l d s that post at a

g i v e n t i m e . It is a c o m m o n p l a c e , b u t neverthe less t r u e , to say

t h a t e f fec t ive ly the w a y the j ob is d o n e is a n i n t e r a c t i o n o f these

t w o aspects . H o w e v e r , I s h a l l e n d e a v o u r to e x a m i n e i n a l i t t l e

m o r e d e t a i l h o w this i n t e r a c t i o n w o r k s .

T h e post o f R e c t o r is t h a t o f h e a d o f the C o l l e g e ; a l l aspects o f

t h i s C o l l e g e . H e is t h u s h e a d o f the a c a d e m i c staff, h e a d o f the

t e c h n i c a l staff, a n d h e a d o f the a d m i n i s t r a t i v e staff. A s s u c h he is

subject to e n o r m o u s pressures f r o m e a c h se c t i on o f the C o l l e g e .

T h e p r e s s u r e s , w h i c h n o r m a l l y h a v e t h e d i s t r i b u t i o n o f

resources at t h e i r base, c a n take a w i d e v a r i e t y o f f o rms . F o r

e x a m p l e a p p o i n t m e n t s o f n e w l e c t u r e r s f r o m d e p a r t m e n t s h a v e

to be b a l a n c e d b y t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n ' s u n q u e n c h a b l e t h i r s t f or

n e w a d m i n i s t r a t o r s . I c o u l d go f u r t h e r i n t o the c o m p e t i t i o n for

resources f r o m v a r i o u s c o m m i t t e e s b u t to d o this w o u l d m a k e

this essay m o r e t e d i o u s t h a n is necessary . T h i s a l l m e a n s , o f

c o u r s e , t h a t the R e c t o r has to be a gen ius i n o r d e r to keep

e v e r y b o d y h a p p y ; the resu l t is t h a t most p e o p l e , w h o e v e r

h a p p e n s to be the R e c t o r , a r e a l w a y s m o d e r a t e l y u n h a p p y . T h e

o t h e r m a i n f u n c t i o n o f the R e c t o r is to represent the C o l l e g e not

o n l y to the u n i v e r s i t y , b u t a lso to the w o r l d at l a r g e . H e r e a g a i n

h e c o m e s u n d e r p r e s s u r e f r o m b e l o w e s p e c i a l l y i n t h e

a d m i n i s t r a t i o n b l o c k i n t h a t he has to d e f e n d , i n p u b l i c at least ,

the acts w h i c h h a v e b e e n p e r p e t r a t e d b y his s u b o r d i n a t e s , o f ten

w i t h o u t h i s k n o w l e d g e . T h u s w h e t h e r i t b e a c o v e r - u p

c o n c e r n i n g a s t u d e n t ' s s u i c i d e o r the w a s t a g e o f m o n e y o n

useless p u b l i c r e l a t i o n s exerc ises , o r the a t t i t u d e t o w a r d s a

g r o u p o f s tudents b e l o n g i n g to a m i n o r i t y soc i e ty , o r the

d e p a r t u r e o f a p r e s t i g i o u s g r o u p o f a c a d e m i c s for a n o t h e r

u n i v e r s i t y , the d e c i s i o n s h a v e b e e n m a d e c o l l e c t i v e l y at a l o w e r

l e v e l a n d c a n n o t , w i t h o u t g rea t r i s k , be a l t e r e d .

T h i s present R e c t o r c a m e to the post f r o m the S R C a n d has

a t t e m p t e d to a p p l y to th i s C o l l e g e the p o l i c i e s w h i c h he

f o l l o w e d at the c o u n c i l n a m e l y the e s t a b l i s h i n g o f " c e n t r e s o f

e x c e l l e n c e " . H e does not l i k e s m a l l i n s t i t u t i o n s v i z h is n u m e r o u s

a t t e m p t s to close d o w n o r a m a l g a m a t e the d e p a r t m e n t o f

a e r o n a u t i c s a n d r u m o u r s (the t r u t h o f w h i c h I h a v e b e e n u n a b l e

to ver i f y ) to sp l i t u p R S M i n t o the o t h e r t w o co l leges . H i s ideas

o f c e n t r e s o f e x c e l l e n c e ( eg h e r e , U M I S T , H e r s t m o n c e u x ,

C a m b r i d g e , etc) w h i l e p o s s i b l y v a l i d f o r t h e s h o r t t e r m , i n t h e

l o n g r u n w i l l l e a d to a d e c l i n e o f o r i g i n a l r e s e a r c h because s m a l l

i n s t i t u t i o n s h a v e b e e n d e p r i v e d o f m o n e y . T h i s m e a n s t h a t

w h e n the m o d e s o f t h o u g h t i n h e r e n t i n the centres o f e x c e l l e n c e

h a v e b e e n e x h a u s t e d t h e r e w i l l be n o o r i g i n a l sc ient ists i n o t h e r

p laces to fill the gaps .

S m a l l is i n d e e d b e a u t i f u l , a n d e f f i c i e n t , w h e r e c r e a t i v e

processes a r e i n v o l v e d . B u t w i t h a R e c t o r w h o c a n n o t c o n t r o l

the a d m i n i s t r a t i o n a n d i n d e e d , w i t h its c e n t r a l i s i n g a i m s , a p p e a r s

to be i n s y m p a t h y w i t h i t , s u c h a d r e a m w i l l h a v e to r e m a i n a

d r e a m u n t i l the l e a d i n g p o s i t i o n o f B r i t i s h sc ience i n the w o r l d

has b e e n e r o d e d . __, , , ,

The Mole

4 "

t A AN r l v S / M O

MOZART OPERAS 13th-18th JULY 1981 Le nozze di Figaro Cosi fan tutte Don Giovanni

Monday 13th July 7.00 p.m. Tuesdoy 14th July 7.00 p.m. Wednesday 15th July 7.00 p.m.

Thursday 16th July 7.00 p.m. Friday 17th July 7.00 p.m. Saturday 18th July 7.30 p.m.

700 stalls promenade places available on the day of performance one hour before curtain up. £2.00 each including VAT.

Further details: 01-240 l°ll 124-hour information servicel.

Bargain offers for promenaders. Stalls seats for Amphi prices!

Proms ticket stub will entitle you to drastic reductions on seals lot o number of performances by The Royal Opera. Full details supplied with tickets.

Royal Opera House

Sponsored by Midland Bank Limited. The Royal Opera House Covent Garden Limited receives financial assistance from The Arts Council of Great Britain.

M i d l a n d B a n k

1. What is the collective name for a group of IF students? a) A clutch b) A lay c) A gaggle d) A snatch e) A poke

2. What is the Rector doing in this photograph?

a) Playing with his organ. b) Operating the controls of his greenhouse. c) Playing patience to avoid falling asleep at Commemoration Day. d) Beaming up the Captain. e) Realising he has brought his shopping list instead of the notes for his speech.

Which of the following happens every two years? a) The Rector changes his expression. b) Meet IC c) Estates fix a window. d) Mooney changes his chip fat. e) Bob Foggon's 35th Birthday.

4. Mr Afolabi has appeared quite often in FELIX this year, but what is his first name? a) Dennis b) Denton c) Dare d) Danny e) Diogenes

5. Who was described in FELIX as "fat and horrendously ugly"? 1

a) Princess Anne b) Ruth Hildebrand c) Jeremy Nunns (Jasper) d) Rachel Snee e) Mary Attenborough

What event did Captain Lindley organise on Wednesday, May 13? a) A seashanty evening b) A screening of Carry On Sailor

c) Meet IC d) A salt beef and rum party e) A keelhauling of S J Marshall (Rtd)

Captain Lindley held a command before he came to IC. Was it: a) The Lusitania b) The Isle of Wight Ferry c) The Titanic d) The Torrey Canyon e) A few old sheds.

8. Who is the most overpaid, pompous, stuck-up, employee of Imperial College? a) Victor Mooney b) Captain Lindley c) John Thole d) Annie Latrine e) Stan

9. Which of the following has not been found in a Southside Refectory meal? a) Food b) Lord Lucan c) Rusty tractor wheel d) A colostomy bag e) The Chefs gold ring

10. Where will Steve Marshall be by the time you read this quiz? a) Wormwood Scrubs b) In bed c) Rampton d) Brisbane e) Rio De Janeiro

Answers elsewhere in this journal

V i c t o r M o o n e y : T h e T r u t h .

D e s p i s e d a n d r e j e c t e d , a f i g u r e o f f u n

throughout the Co l l ege , m a n y students feel

V i c t o r M o o n e y to be personal ly responsib le

for the poor Refectory service . T h e y see

h i m as the object for the hate a n d der is ion

that swells up in t h e m w h e n eat ing the

p o o r l y s e r v e d " c h e e p s " a n d u n n a t u r a l

tast ing meat courses . Power less to struggle

against the Refector ies , w i th a U n i o n w h i c h

so often turns a blind-eye to the iniquity a n d

unjustness of V i c t o r M o o n e y wi th his o w n

yacht , how c a n s u c h a student register his

d i s a p p o i n t m e n t w i t h t h e m e n a c e o f

M o o n e y ' s m o n s t e r o u s m o n o p o l y ?

O n e very impor tant th ing to be r e m e m

b e r e d w h e n c o n s i d e r i n g t h e R e f e c t o r y

serv ices , is that V i c t o r M o o n e y has been at

this Co l l ege for twenty-eight years .

O n e of the earliest re ferences to V i c t o r

M o o n e y in F E L I X was in 1955 w h e n he took

over al l the Co l l ege ca ter ing w h e n M i s s

" Q u e e n i e " B o w n i n g left, F E L I X wished h im

" t h e best of luck o n his new, a n d difficult

v e n t u r e " .

L a t e r o n that year in a Suggest ions B o o k

s o m e o n e wrote " G o o d o ld M o o n e y ! K e e p

u p t h e g o o d w o r k ! K e e p off t h e g !

oppos i te w h i c h the "diet ic ian- in-chief " wrote

" n o t e d " . T a k i n g i n t o a c c o u n t t h e

propos i t i on that s tudents were in those days

a bit m o r e c iv i l , " k e e p up the g o o d w o r k " is

still a congratu latory r e m a r k . H o w m a n y

people today , twenty-s ix years later , w o u l d

feel able to s imilar ly praise" h im?

T r i p p i n g t h r o u g h t h e y e a r s , t o 1956 ,

V i c t o r M o o n e y again has praise heaped

u p o n h i m , this t ime for his "magni f icent a n d

d e t e r m i n e d e f f o r t " i n o p e n i n g a n e w

refectory in one day , despite set b a c k s

w h i c h w o u l d have "demora l i sed a lesser

Praise

T h e s e a r e s o m e e x a m p l e s o f t h e

laudatory statements made about V i c t o r

M o o n e y , a n d at no stage is there even the

merest hint of U n i o n c r i t i c i sm of h i m . But a

few things need to be r e m e m b e r e d about

events at that t ime. F i rs t ly , M r M o o n e y was

a v ivac ious thirty-three year -o ld full of new

ideas a n d eager to please, there were less

staff w h i c h created a better a tmosphere ,

a n d those staff s h o w e d some sign of pr ide in

their w o r k . A l s o , at that t ime, the Co l lege

was m u c h smaller a n d easier to r u n .

Decrepitude

M e a n w h i l e i n 1957 , M r M o o n e y w a s

e x p e r i m e n t i n g to cut the size of " e n o r m o u s

s u p p e r q u e u e s " . P e r h a p s t h o s e e x p e r i

ments w o r k e d too wel l . A t this t ime also

I C ' s cater ing began in this writer 's v iew it's

l ong process of co l laps ing into a n inexor

able pit of decrep i tude . F o r instance the

Suggest ions B o o k contains r e m a r k s about

peas ; c o m p a r i n g t h e m to lead shot , green

bullets a n d indigestible ball-bearings. T h e

substance of the compla ints has remained

fairly s imilar a l though s ince then the style

has c h a n g e d ; eg " T h e white of a n egg was

rubbery , the yoke more so. T h e peas were

h a r d . T h e chips were leathery a n d the whole

d ish was quite c o l d . " And, "For sometime I

have been confused regarding engineering

t e rms , eg ducti l i ty , rigidity, tensile strength,

h a r d n e s s a n d b r i t t l e n e s s . Your pastry

d e m o n s t r a t e s the l o t . " (A possible first

reference to T H E b a k e d minced beef roll?)

Complaints

In 1961 , M r M o o n e y w a s p e r s o n a l l y

a t t a c k e d in FELIX for ignor ing sugestions

a n d c o m p l a i n t s , a n d for h i s total indif

ference. C o u l d this possibly be the same Mr

M o o n e y w h o only s ix years earl ier was

hailed as a hero by the U n i o n ? Y e s .

A t the start of the A u t u m n t e r m , 1961

FELIX r epor ted the long queues in the

R e f e c t o r y . A t t h i s t i m e , t h e demand

outs t r ipped the supply , a n d the staff had to

try very h a r d to get everyone served.

E v e n i n 1961 t h o u g h , c o m p l a i n t s of

extraneous materials f inding their way into

helpings of food were m a d e , eg a "bundle of

wire , two thirds of w h i c h I unfortunate ly

s w a l l o w e d w h i l e e a t i n g y o u r otherwise

excel lent apple p ie " . M r M o o n e y gave his

n o w f a m i l i a r r e p l y of a s k i n g the com

plainants to take the meal back to the

counter at the t ime.

Bring it back

T h i s s imple r e q u e s t — b r i n g it back at the

t i m e — i s one of the best defensive ploys

used by V i c t o r M o o n e y to keep criticism of

the refectories to a m i n i m u m ; w h y else use it

for twenty years? W h a t s tudent is going to

r i s k t h e d i s g r u n t l e m e n t o f others by

r e t u r n i n g t o t h e c o u n t e r t o make a

compla int about the food to the staff who

often, t h r o u g h no fault of their own, find

d i f f i c u l t y u n d e r s t a n d i n g English, thus

hold ing up the queue a n d upset t ing an

already t o u c h y staff m e m b e r . A cry of "the

peas are co ld t o d a y " might be better, and a

w a r n i n g l ike "don ' t have the salad, there's

glass in i t " w o u l d surely help others to avoid

the o d d dish that even M r V i c t o r Mooney

admits " w e fall d o w n o n " .

V i c t o r M o o n e y hit the headl ines again in

1973. H e was c o n d e m n e d for his attitude to

U n i o n meetings , having " d e v e l o p e d a fine

art in fending off quest ions like some dispas-

ionate observer . L i s t e n i n g to his Union

meet ing offerings it s e e m e d hardly credible

that he has any responsibi l i t ies towards I C

cater ing at a l l " . A l s o " M r M o o n e y ' s general

aims s e e m e d to be to pass o n the blame and

responsibi l i ty to others . P r i c e ' increases ' are

t h e f a u l t of c a s h i e r s o v e r c h a r g i n g , the

cont inuance of the habit is the fault of

students not c ompla in ing , a n d the fault for

the bad quality of the food lies with the

refectories hav ing too m a n y c u s t o m e r s . "

Propaganda

This photograph shows a typical meal served up in an IC refectory; shrivelled chips,

congealed beans, and an unrecognisable third portion.

T h i s is a n example of the long catalogue

of lies a n d deceitful p r o p a g a n d a put about

b y V i c t o r M o o n e y o v e r t h e l a s t t w o

decades. N o student has the knowledge or

t i m e to fu l l y c h a l l e n g e t h e s t a t e m e n t s .

S t u d e n t r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s o n t h e v a r i o u s

refectory commit tees c o u l d find it easy to

be taken in by V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s false facade

of c o n c e r n about the s tandard of cater ing

here.

In 1970, the unhygenic nature of the

ki tchens was widely repor ted in The Sun,

w h e n refectory boycot ts were organised

a n d a U G M p a s s e d a m o t i o n o f n o

conf idence in the refectory c h a i r m a n at

t h a t t i m e . R e p l y i n g t o a c c u s a t i o n s o f

c o c k r o a c h infestation M r J i m K e a r n s a

Col lege employee to ld The Sun they were

" h o g w a s h " , b e c a u s e t h e r e w e r e c o c k

roaches in all k i t chens .

Stupid

D u r i n g the early 7 0 s there was m u c h

c r i t i c i s m o f t h e h i g h p r i c e r i s e s i n t h e

r e f e c t o r i e s as a w h o l e , but d e s p i t e the

boycotts a n d U G M mot ions , no th ing was

done . In 1975 M r M i k e Wi l l i ams , a n ex-

F E L I X Ed i to r c o m p l a i n e d bitterly about the

stupid att itudes t a k e n by V i c t o r M o o n e y

a n d Peter Teague , then I C U Pres ident .

V i c t o r M o o n e y tr ied to increase refectory

prices by 40% without increas ing the quality ;

M r Teague wanted refectory boycot ts . M r

.Wi l l i ams cal led for each side to trust each

other. I suggest that this U n i o n has t rusted

V i c t o r M o o n e y l ong enough , a n d he has

been all too will ing to betray that trust .

Why?

B u t w h y is the refectory service so bad?

T h e r e are m a n y possible replies to this

o f t e n a s k e d q u e s t i o n . V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s

favourite answer is " W e have to prov ide a

capaci ty service unti l C h r i s t m a s a n d for half

that n u m b e r for the rest of the y e ar . " Le t ' s

cons ider that answer a bit more fully. V i c t o r

M o o n e y lets out a n interest ing figure. F o r

one t e rm the refectories are used heavily

a n d for the other two terms not so heavily ,

b u t at n o t i m e is the f o o d a n y g o o d .

W h e t h e r p u s h e d to capac i ty or t i ck ing over ,

V i c t o r M o o n e y just can't s eem to get the

c a t e r i n g r i g h t . S e c o n d l y , V i c t o r M o o n e y

s e e m s a w a r e t h a t t h e n u m b e r s u s i n g

the refectories is d r o p p i n g all the t ime. I

suggest that this is because , at first, the

refectories are used in the main by students

i n t h e i r f i r s t y e a r at C o l l e g e . A s t i m e

progresses those s tudents b e c o m e more

sett led in , c o o k i n g for themselves , or finding

local eating places.

Excuse

A n o t h e r popular excuse for the cater ing

here, is that the refectories a n d bars have to

be self-f inancing. Co l l ege dec ided that it's

U G C g r a n t w o u l d be s p e n t o n m a i n l y

a c c a d e m i c e x p e n d i t u r e , t h u s m a k i n g it

harder for the U G C to cut I C ' s without

h a r m i n g C o l l e g e a c a d e m i c a l l y . S o the

refectory service has to pay it's o w n way. If

it m a k e s a loss it can be bailed out by the

B a r profits, but noth ing else. O n e year 's loss

w o u l d have to be r e c o u p e d by next year 's

higher prices .

H

U

E S T U D E N T S at a L o n d o n

col lege p r o t e s t e d

a n g r i l y a b o u t the c o c k

r o a c h e s .

T h e y found thorn in the

kitchens and in the halls

of residence.

Some of the insects even

scuttled around the c o m

mon r o o m s w h i l e

students watched tele

vision, says t h e . m a g a

zine of< students at the

Imperial C o l l e g e of

Science and T e c h n o l o g y .

It was the last straw when

three students found

cockroaches in their v o l -

au-vent .

'Hog-wash'

Students are now p l a n n i n g to boycott the d i n i n g hal l .

Student W i l l i a m H o n e y -borne said yesterday: " S p r a y s no longer have any effect because there are so many c o c k roaches.

" We canont give the date of the boycott because wo do not want it a n t i cipated in the ki tchens . "

College staff member J i m Kearns , said : " T h e s e complaints arc a lot of hogvvash. in all kitchens there are a certain n u m ber of cockroaches . "

An extract from The Sun, January 19

1970. If Mr Mooney were a commercial

caterer he would probably hit the headlines

more often.

But there are other reasons which might

he lp to e x p l a i n the s i t u a t i o n . If the

uncooked food is of a poor quality, then no

matter how well c o o k e d , in a f lyless,

cockroach less k i tchen, by exper ienced

staff, it still will come out as rubbish, eg a

sausage made of sawdust will never be "fit

for a King" (or Prince Phillip).

But even "sawdust sausages" could not

be expected to survive the battering given

to them in Mooney's kitchens.

I said it was important to recall that Victor

Mooney has been at this College for a long

time. During that period he has buiit up

good relationships with many influential

people in College and the Union. He has

been made a member of at least two C C U

drinking clubs—no doubt for his services to

annual dinners, and by assisting the rising

stars in College has made life a bit easier for

himself. When dignatories have visited the

College, eg for Meet IC or Royal Visits,

Victor Mooney has ensured that the food is

of the highest quality—thus giving a false

impression of the catering here. Whilst the

functional catering is often to be highly

recommended, it must be remembered that

the Refectories are here to provide a service

to students and staff, not to entertain rich

outsiders.

Immunity

O v e r the years then , I suggest that V i c t o r

M o o n e y has built up a n almost complete

i m m u n i t y f r o m c r i t i c i s m a i m e d at h i m

personal ly , or at the b r a n c h of the domest i c

s e r v i c e he is p e r s o n a l l y r e s p o n s i b l e for

maintaining . T h i s does not help, because

the authorit ies in the U n i o n often want

people in Co l lege to be cr i t i c i sed , in the

hope of getting some ac t i on out of th em. If

serious c r i t i c i sm is not accepted , then only

satire a n d s a r c a s m are left.

Criticism

T h e cr i t i c i sms of V i c t o r M o o n e y a n d the

cater ing have tended to o v e r s h a d o w what is

being cr i t i c ised . T h e cater ing has b e c o m e a

long-standing j oke , a n d students no doubt

ask themselves is it really w o r t h bother ing

to c o m p l a i n , is it really w o r t h caus ing a fuss?

I suggest that because of the nature of the

c o m p o s i t i o n of the Co l l ege few students are

p r e p a r e d to struggle against the refectory

sys tem. W i t h i n the first few weeks they have

become g r o u n d d o w n by the food a n d are

more interested in their degree than in

tak ing part in any process of change . T h e

Col lege authorit ies must not th ink for one

minute that the lack of ac t i on by the U n i o n

a n d the often h u m o r o u s attitude addopte d

by F E L I X t o w a r d M r M o o n e y means that

the cater ing here is grudgingly a c c e p t e d by

"the silent major i ty " of s tudents , because it

is most emphat ica l ly not.

Peroration

In the 1950s V i c t o r M o o n e y was regarded

as a competent refectory manager . S ince

that t ime, the size of the Co l lege has g r o w n ,

t h e d e m a n d s m a d e o n t h e r e f e c t o r y

m a n a g e r h a v e i n c r e a s e d , a n d V i c t o r

M o o n e y ' s reputat ion has t a k e n a tumble . I

suggest that this is because the job has gone

o u t s i d e h i s a b i l i t y . D e s p i t e t h e m o s t

feroc ious cr i t i c i sm of h im in F E L I X a n d at

U n i o n meetings over the last twenty years ,

there has been no general i m p r o v e m e n t in

the taste or reduc t i on in the extor t ionate

pr ices of refectory food.

W h y s h o u l d IC be so sadly s t r iken wi th

s u c h unappet is ing food? W h y shou ld the

food remain so bad for so long , even though

the k i t c h e n s h a v e the m o s t u p - t o - d a t e

e q u i p m e n t ? I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e r e is o n e

connec t i on between these and all the points

ever made about the food here in the last 28

years . That c o n n e c t i o n is none other than

V i c t o r M o o n e y .

T h e plain t ru th is that V i c t o r M o o n e y

s imply isn't up to his job of organis ing the

cater ing here. It's not an easy job, there are

maybe only a smal l n u m b e r of people w h o

c o u l d do it. Unfor tunate ly , V i c t o r M o o n e y

isn't one of that smal l n u m b e r .

W h a t e v e r good he has done , whatever

w r o n g he has suffered, this writer asks y o u

to accept that V i c t o r M o o n e y should never

have been given c o n t r o l of the cater ing

here, that no one regrets it more than those

responsible for his appo intment and V i c t o r

M o o n e y himself , there c a n be no improve

ment in the cater ing whilst V i c t o r M o o n e y is

still here , so the sooner he goes the better.

CAPTAIW LMVm

r

CAJCEWDAft

J-

R e g u l a r p a t r o n s of M r M o o n e y ' s f ine

refectory facilities cannot have failed to have

no t i c ed that m a n y of the cater ing staff are of

Ital ian, S p a n i s h or F r e n c h ex trac t i on . F o r

the a id a n d benefit of all o u r readers , we

present be low a guide of useful phrases

w h i c h w i l l be o f i n e s t i m a b l e v a l u e i n

c o m m u n i c a t i n g with o u r friends w h o serve

in the refectories , f rom w h o m good service

a n d civi l ity is a n u n e x p e c t e d pleasure.

How to converse

with refectory staff

of foreign extraction

Do you serve indigestion tablets with every course?

F R E N C H

Vous devriez servir entre

chaque plat des pilules

contre les maux d'estomac.

I T A L I A N

C o n ogni portata servite c Sirven pastillas digestivas

anche delle pasticche dige- con cada comida?

stive?

When I want a cold meal I will ask for one.

Je vous le d i ra i , lorsque je

voudrais manger f ro id !

Se voglio u n pasto freddo

di solito lo ordino.

Cuando quiera u n plato

frio se lo pedire.

Was this omelette made with pterodactyl eggs?

Dites -donc , c'est des ceufs

dc plesiosaure q u ' i l y a dans

cette omelette?

Questa frittata e stata fatta

con uova d i dinosauro?

i H a hecho esta torti l la con

huevos de pterodactilo?

Frozen food should be de-frosted before you serve it.

Je vois que vous n'avez pas

eu le temps de degivrer

cette nourriture.

P r i m a d i servire i c ib i surgelati bisogna sghi ac-c iar l i .

L o s alimentos congelados

hay que descongelarlos an

tes de servir.

May I have another plate for the maggots ?

D o n n e z - m o i done une c u

vette pour y mettre les

vers!

M i darebbe un piatto a

parte per i vermi? i T i e n e otro plato para

dejar los gusanos?

Do you supply a magnifying glass with your meals ?

11 me faut une loupe pour

trouver ce que vous me

servez!

C o n i suoi pasti da anche

una lente d i ingradimento ? c N o dan una lupa, junto

con la comida?

That fly looks extremely well-cooked.

O h la belle mouche ! C 'qu 'e l l e est bien cuite!

Quel la mosca e cotta alia

perfezione. Esta mosca esta muy bien

guisada.

Get your dirty thumb out of the soup.

Sortez -moi ce gros pouce

de ma soupe!

T o l g a i l suo sudicio dito

dalla minestra. Saque el dedo gordo de la

sopa.

Did you have a recipe for this or did it just accumulate from the left-overs ?

Dites -donc , vous l'avez fait

a partir d'une recette, ou

bien vous avez simplement

accomode les restes?

Questo piatto e cucinato

secondo una ricetta o sono

degli avanzi messi insieme?

i Este plato lo hacen con

receta, o con las sobras de

los demas?

That sauce looks very artistic— just like paint.

C'est de la belle sauce

artist ique, on dirait de la

peinture.

Quel la salsa ha u n aspetto

veramente artistico, sembra

vernice.

Esta salsa es muy artistica,

parece p intura .

Has the electricity been cut off. I asked for a hot meal.

Vous n'avez plus de feu?

J ' a i demande u n plat chaud.

E mancata la corrente? Io

volevo u n pasto caldo.

i L e s han cortado la luz?

H e pedido un plato cabente.

How many times have you heated up this meal?

C o m b i e n de fois vous l 'avez

deja rechauffe, ce plat? Quante volte e stata r isca l -

data questa pietanza? cCuantas veces ha recalen-

tado este plato?

Has the cook been having a bath

in this soup ?

P o u a h ! Qa de la soupe ? O n

dirait qu e le chef s'est lave

les pieds la-dedans!

I n questa minestra ha fatto

i l bagno i l cuoco? : Se ha banado el cocinero

en esta sopa?

Why don't you try employing a chef instead of a washer-up to do the cooking?

E t si vous employiez un

chef, plutot q u ' u n p l o n -

geur, pour faire voire c u i

sine?

Perche non impiega u n

cuoco per cucinare invece

d i uno sguattero?

i Por que no alqui lan un

cocinero en lugar de un

pinche para hacer la co

mida?

Now get someone who can add up to total that bill.

Maintenant , allez me cher-

cher que lqu 'un qui sache

faire proprement une ad

d i t i on .

E d ora chiami qualcuno che

il conto lo sa fare.

i N o hay nadie que sepa

sumar la nota?

How many pebple chewed this before I got it?

Vous l 'avez donne a macher

a tOL:" le monde, avant de Questo, quanta gente lo ha c'Cuantos clientes lo han

gia masticato? masticado antes que yo?

me servir.''

•

By B.B. Wolffe

I was most surprised at all the fuss the editor

has been making over this Captain Lindley

fellow. The last thing I remember hearing

about him was that he was rushing around

telling V ic tor Mooney to slap a writ on the

p a p e r f o l l o w i n g the N e w Y e a r ' s H o n o u r s

shocker. Reading between the lines on the

issues that I've missed, 1 gained the impression

that people aren't too sure of who he is or

exactly what he does.

A s Domestic Secretary he's employed to

ensure that everything's ship shape and Bristol

fashion in the domestic section (which includes

Bookings , Cleaning Services, Messengers and

Refectories). Some of the staff in Sherfield

seem to think he's also that white bearded

chap who advertises fish fingers on the box

(Captain Birdseye?) but there's not a scrap of

truth in the rumour I can tell you!

His big thing seems to be "Meet I C " , the

C o l l e g e ' s P R job o n the l o c a l r e s i d e n t s .

Basically the idea is that we wheel in a few of

the geriatrics from the locale, fill 'em up with

food and wine, show them a few displays in the

J C R and then pray to G o d that they don't

complain when you're blasting Motorhead at

50 watts per channel from your bedroom and

urinating on their geraniums! The old salt

seems a little confused about the whole affair

though. H e was under the impression that

about five hundred people were due to attend

the recent do , but only one hundred and

seventeen had actually accepted invitations.

Imagine how the poor exhibitors in the J C R

felt after spending many hours preparing their

displays.

Apparently so few people actually turned up

that Mart in Parsons ( M r Mooney 's under

study) was seen wandering around pressing

wine on any strangers in the vicinity of the

buffet. There was so much wine flowing that

even J o h n Passmore couldn't manage it by

himself!

An y w ay , as his title suggests, he is well

versed in nautical matters and is quite often

seen tr imming his sail and setting off on some

vital mission or other. W h e n at a party with the

M e w s residents once, he was most embar

rassed when someone strolled over and said

l o u d l y " W h y i t ' s P e t t y O f f i c e r L i n d l e y ! "

Whether this was a statement of rank or a

comment o n his attitudes remains uncertain.

SKcfaj FUtgena

Senior Warden and well-known socialite

D o n M o n r o threw a wild beef steak party at

the back of Weeks Hall a few weeks ago. Don

(Kermit to his friends) invited all the well-

known College nobodies and hushed whispers

of excitement circulated as the Baron Flowers

and his good lady wife arrived on t h e scene.

Amidst the heady chit-chat the effervescent

first lady was heard proclaiming how well the

College Wives ' stall at the Rag Fete had done.

At this point Brian woke up and piped "so it

should have . . . I made the jam."

EHowfl on Ftwtt D o n M o n r o has also been very busy in

recent weeks following the controversy of the

r e d i s t r i b u t i o n of w o m e n i n the H a l l s of

Residence. The Senior Warden was rightly

concerned that Residence Committee should

act on an informed basis and quickly prepared

a questionnaire on the topic for distribution in

the Hails and Houses. T o avoid the possibility

of one side or the other (for whatever reason)

copying the forms and unfairly weighting the

results, he set about the task of individually

stamping the forms with a different number. It

was not until he was stamping the very last

form however, that it was pointed out to him

that he was stamping the top half of the form

above the "tear off and re turn" slip.

Qu i ck as a flash he summoned forth an

example of characteristic wit. " O h shit!" he

said, stamping the last form.

Jilted JPJCH

J o h n Passmore 's part in the redistribution of

w o m e n in H a l l s a g a p r o m p t e d o n e w r y

comment from D o n M o n r o . Knowing John is

keen to be a subwarden next year when he

takes on a P h D , he quipped " W e l l , he can

forget Beit I suppose!"

S u b s e q u e n t l y it a p p e a r s that J o h n has

actually applied for a subwardenship, but in

Mining House (more his league I suppose).

Having been the greatest I C U President in

l i v i n g m e m o r y a n d k n o w i n g m o s t of the

selection committee, he naturally assumed

that he would have a "good chance" of getting

the job. Imagine my surprise then, when a very

good source told me that when interviewed he

was considered " a complete and utter prat".

The job was given to someone else.

It came as no surprise to me that someone

has at last drawn attention to the similarity

between Capta in White and Colonel Lindley

(see letters page). For some weeks now I have

had this feeling that a scandal would soon

break in the higher orders. Imagine my horror

Skakz a Lm 1 see that somebody has written an article on

Freemasonry in this issue. What a surprise it

was to me (a mere Water Buffalo) that such

things actually happen in College! I mean, I can

hardly imagine any of the top College knobs

like Br ian and Victor roaming around half

naked chanting a load of mumbo-jumbo. It

strikes me that it might be a bit of fun when

you've had a few too many, but do they really

take it seriously enough to partake in all this

cloak and dagger nonsense? Anyway , I know

for a fact that the handshake business is

completely wrong, as I once saw a retired

captain and a MacDona lds chef swapping such

niceties at a party. Here 's a friend and I

demonstrating the real grip.

News has reached my ears of the sordid

goings-on in the Union Office. O n the day of

the Derby not only was J o h n (I did it my way)

Passmore off getting pissed as usual, but

matronly administrator Jen Hardy-Smith was

running a book! Wel l , it was only a sweepstake

really, and I gather that " N a p " Hardy-Smith

joyfully set about the task of matching the

names of punters to their horses by drawing

n a m e s w t i t t e n on p ieces of p a p e r out of

alternate hats. W h e n Rae Snee and Christ ine

Teller were asked to draw, a peculiar situation

arose when Rae drew Christ ine Teller's name

from the "names" hat. A l l the bets were that

Chr issy would return the compliment when

she drew the horse!

when I discovered that Brian himself is the

spitting image of Capta in Scarlet 's sidekick,

Lieutenant Green . If all the top College bods

turn out to be wooden headed marionettes,

then who's really in charge? Let 's hope that it's

not Colonel White !

Wto pdh tke ahima m College?

o

Wmm

t Meet Primelia College

I After Captain Birdseye, the Domesticated Secretary of

Primelia College, had stood and counted all the people

| visiting 'Meet PC he decided to get a more detailed

I breakdown of their number. Amble, Bumble, Crumble and

Drudge were each in charge of a stall, and the good

Captain asked Amble how many visitors each of the four

stalls had had.

"Well," replied Amble, "the product of the four numbers

is 270. No stall had fewer visitors than mine, and each of

the people visiting the exhibition came to just one of our

four stalls."

"I'm afraid you haven't given me enough information,"

retorted the Captain after only a brief week's reflection, "I

can't even deduce the four numbers, let alone which

number belongs to which stall."

"You're quite right; let me also say that the difference

between the numbers of Bumble's visitors and Crumble's

visitors is at least as large as the number of people who did

not visit Bumble's stall."

But this was all too much for Captain Birdseye, whose

stomach was recalling a particularly choppy night on the

Isle of Wight ferry. But that was his own fault, as Amble

had given him enough information to deduce the numbers

of visitors to each of the four stalls How many?

t

In the first Scaramouche puzzle

described the intriguing telephi m in the

East European town of Kuratowskigrad. Y o u will

remember that there is no central teleph.

exchange, a n d you can only phone one hous>

f r o m a n o t h e r i f t h e r e i s a n independ>

underground cable joining the two t~"

cross, a n d no cable r>»"

jable serves

Now •-'

cafa/es

each none

* « o / , „ „ _ . e t t h e P U z z h

'°uSt

ent es- No

six . .normed me

o i his friends, and no town is connected to less than five

T h i s means there must be at least •en houses in the town (see diagram). But

.ny friend has since written to point out a slight inaccuracy: while I was right in saying that no one

is connected to less than five others, I should have said that my friend is the only -

connected to exactly six others

S o now what is the smalk there could be in K i

answer P e r s on

nes. 3 Possible

Olv ouses

v o u r

Ork

Spelling B

Or, in the case of most of the FELIX staff,

spelling b awful.

Here are a few of my favourite words

whose spelling is somewhat surprising.

How many of them are correctly spelt

here? (Okay, so I'm a peddant.)

11 liquefy iridescent

rarefy inoculation

putrefy mars (disfigures)

stupefy consensus

liquefaction loth (unwilling)

rarefaction supersede

putrefaction

stupefaction

M/hich of the following poker hands is

the best to hold in an ordinary game of

poker? Which is the worst? Whichhands

are of equal strength? The game is

being played with an ordinary 52-card

pack and there are no wild cards. (AS

means ace of spades, etc.)

(a) AS AH AD KS KH

(b) AS AH AD QS QC

(c) AS AH AD QS QH

(d) AS AH AD 6S 6 C

(e) AS AH AD ™~

o

Post-

amble

A n d here's my third end-of-term puzzle page, and welcome to it! As before, the puzzles are of two types. Unmarked puzzles are for amusement only. They're on the easy side, but that doesn't mean they're trivial, and if the answer to the poker puzzle opposite seems obvious, then think again!

The sworded puzzles each carry a £2 prize which will be awarded to the first correct solution opened at 1:00pm on the first day of next term. In addition, for the person who answers the most prize puzzles correctly, there is a cash bonus of £2, plus a £10 voucher redeemable at Mend-a Bike. If there is a tie for this prize, then I will use 'Kuratowskigrad Revisited' as a tie-breaker, and award the prize to the person who finds the smallest number of houses.

Incidentally, I've no idea what the smallest possible value is; I'll award the prize to the person who submits a correct solution with the lowest number of houses.

M a n y thanks again to Pete and W i l l , the managers of Mend-a-Bike, for their continuing

Blanche (White)

o

generosity, to Grey Spider for the chess puzzle, to Gerald Donovan for some of the easy ones, and to Steve for the trichromatics.

Answers to the sworded puzzles, as usual, to me c o FELIX Office. The correct solutions will appear in the first F E L I X of next term.

Answers to last week's puzzle, the Phoenix puzzle, and some of the unmarked puzzles on this page are somewhere else in this F E L I X . (Sorry we can't be more specific, but we didn't know where there would be room at the time of priming this page!)

F R E E M A S O N R Y

A Helping Hand in College?

THE FIRST DEGREE GRIP: recognised by all masons as the universal

handshake. Notice that the thumb presses into the first joint of the forefinger

where it meets the hand.

F o l l o w i n g the recent c on t roversy over the

P2 L o d g e in Italy a n d the a lmost inevitable

c o r r u p t i o n that fol lows after all the higher

echelons of a soc iety dedicate themselves

to perpetuat ing their o w n interests , the

E d i t o r d e c i d e d t o i n v e s t i g a t e t h e p a r t

F r e e m a s o n r y p l a y s i n t h e r u n n i n g of

I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e . T h e s u b j e c t o f

F r e e m a s o n r y is , by its very nature , poor ly

p u b l i c i s e d a n d t h e r e c a n be f ew n o n -

F r e e m a s o n s w h o have any knowledge of the

Cra f t itself, let a lone its influence in the

Co l l ege . T h i s art ic le a t tempts to shed a

little light o n b o t h , but cannot hope to be

definitive. Be long ing to a mason i c lodge

s h o u l d not be thought of as a c r ime . T h e

author feels that while the true concept of

m a s o n r y itself is not necessar i ly a point of

c ontent i on , it does indeed prov ide a m e a n s .

of c o r r u p t i o n .

T h e p o p u l a r i s e d v i e w ' a m o n g s t n o n -

F r e e m a s o n s is that M a s o n s are a group of

people w h o wander r o u n d f rom top job to

top job by s imply k n o w i n g the right secret

h a n d s h a k e , a n d prance a r o u n d hal f -naked

w h e n being- initiated into the L o d g e . T h e

popular ised view amongst M a s o n s is that

n o n - M a s o n s have no idea what the secret

h a n d s h a k e is ( 'cos it 's secret) a n d couldn ' t

p o s s i b l y k n o w w h a t h a p p e n s d u r i n g a

M a s o n ' s i n i t i a t i o n . W e l l , t b e f o r m e r

descr ip t i on is not far f rom the t r u t h a n d the

latter s tatement is way off the m a r k as

M a s o n i c l i terature m a y be obta ined w i t h '

( r e l a t i v e ) e a s e . ( S e e o t h e r s o u r c e s of

references list at end.)

T h e M a s o n i c C r a f t is based on K i n g

S o l o m o n ' s T e m p l e ; al l re ferences in the

initiation ceremonies a n d c u r i o u s passwords

are der ived f r o m this s o u r c e a n d may be

read about quite freely in W a l t o n H a n n a h ' s

excel lent b o o k Darkness Visible.

W a l t o n H a n n a h (a n o n - F r e e m a s o n ) , w h o

is n o w in C a n a d a , r e s e a r c h ed the book

w h i l e h e w a s a C h u r c h m a n b a s e d i n

Queensgate , in c o n j u n c t i on wi th a senior

m e m b e r of the a c ademi c staff at I C . M r

H a n n a h obta ined in format ion by pos ing as a

M a s o n util ising M a s o n i c robes so ld off by a

M a s o n ' s w idow . A n enl ightening book , well

w o r t h a read if y o u c a n find a copy .

O n first impress i ons , F r e e m a s o n s might

be regarded as k ids w h o have not yet g r o w n

up. F r e e m a s o n r y cannot be d i smissed so

easily w h e n one realises there are over half a .

mi l l ion F r e e m a s o n s in G r e a t B r i t a i n alone.

M o s t o c c u p y senior jobs a n d are pledged to

help one another out w h e n " i n n eed" , even

though the indiv iduals may be complete

s trangers to e a c h other . T h e y recognise one

another firstly by a U n i v e r s a l H a n d s h a k e ,

more correc t ly ca l led the " F i r s t D e g r e e " o r ,

" E n t e r e d A p p r e n t i c e " h a n d s h a k e (see

b e l o w ) a n d t h e n l a t e r b y d r o p p i n g

format ions of w o r d s f rom the M a s o n i c ritual

into everyday c o n v e r s a t i o n , eg reference to

a knife a n d fork in a restaurant as " w o r k i n g

tools" . T h e r e are even M a s o n i c gestures ,

w h i c h to the unsuspect ing n o n - F r e e m a s o n

w o u l d go totally unnot i c ed , eg drawing one's

glass across the throat before dr ink ing ,

w h i c h is a n ex tens ion of a " cut my throat

a n d hope to d i e " penal sign of the F irs t

Degree .

H o w a M a s o n " u s e s " h i s m a s s i v e

c o l l e c t i o n of " c o n n e c t i o n s " d e p e n d s , of

c o u r s e , o n the individual 's personality . O n

one h a n d , F r e e m a s o n r y is a large, very

act ive soc ia l c lub that col lects money for

char i ty a n d provides funds for a hospital

(the R o y a l M a s o n i c H o s p i t a l — t h e r e is one

near H a m l e t G a r d e n s ) , but on the o ther it

c a n be seen as an unfair route to posit ions

w h i c h w o u l d b e h a r d e r t o r e a c h b y

convent iona l means a n d , at a n ex t reme ,

downright c o r r u p t i o n as in Italy.

I h a v e m e n t i o n e d t h e " D e g r e e " o f

F r e e m a s o n r y . T h e r e are three main levels of

t h e C r a f t , " F i r s t D e g r e e " o r " E n t e r e d

A p p r e n t i c e " ; " S e c o n d D e g r e e " or " F e l l o w -

C r a f t " ; " T h i r d D e g r e e " or " M a s t e r M a s o n " .

Af ter this c o m e s the " R o y a l A r c h " , but I will

n o t d w e l l o n t h i s h e r e . M a s o n s of a l l

degrees may be long to the same L o d g e ,

w h i c h usually opens its ceremonies in the

F i r s t Degree (at w h i c h S e c o n d a n d T h i r d

Degree M a s o n s are present) . T h e L o d g e or

M a s o n i c T e m p l e should ideally be in the

f o rm of a double cube facing East and W e s t .

T h e head of the L o d g e , the W o r s h i p f u l

M a s t e r , sits in the East . H i s e m b l e m , the

S t o n e M a s o n s tee-square is usually carved

or pa inted o n his pedestal . T h e M a s o n i c

symbo l s of a square a n d compasses usually

rest o n a cush ion with the V o l u m e of S a c r e d

L a w . T h e W o r s h i p f u l M a s t e r ' s d i r e c t

s u b o r d i n a t e , t h e S e n i o r W a r d e n s i t s

oppos i te in the Wes t . T h e J u n i o r W a r d e n

(with p l u m b line emblem) sits in the S o u t h .

T h e n we have Past M a s t e r s , the Sen ior

a n d J u n i o r D e a c o n s a n d the Inner G u a r d .

T h e s e are the "o f f i cers" of a M a s o n i c L o d g e

a n d c o n t r o l all of its functions a n d are

i n s t r u m e n t a l i n t h e i n i t i a t i o n of a n e w

C a n d i d a t e to the L o d g e . O u t s i d e the temple

stands the T y l e r , the outer guard to the

meet ing w h o helps candidates dress for

init iation a n d " fends off" intruders .

T h e ord inary M a s o n s wear aprons to

indicate their Degree . T h e F irs t is of plain

white l a m b s k i n , the S e c o n d is the same but

with two blue rosettes in the lower co rners

a n d the T h i r d is bo rdered with blue, has

metal tassles a n d a th ird rosette in the point

of the flap. Office bearers wear jewels a n d

emblems of their office f rom col lars of blue

silk.

A d i f ferent f loor c o v e r i n g (a " t r a c i n g

board" ) is laid d o w n dependent on w h i c h

Degree the L o d g e is c o n d u c t i n g its business

in . W h e n the L o d g e transfers f rom Firs t

Degree to S e c o n d Degree it does so to the

exc lus i on of the F irs t Degree M a s o n s , w h o

are a s k e d to leave. T h e r e are recognisable

handshakes of the various degrees, a n d

these are used dur ing the rituals ; the F irs t

D e g r e e g r i p b e i n g r e c o g n i s e d by A L L

M a s o n s i s o f t e n T H E M a s o n ' s g r i p .

P h o t o g r a p h s i l lustrating the S e c o n d a n d

T h i r d Degree grips are s h o w n below.

B e s i d e s t h e p o p u l a r i s e d h a n d s h a k e s ,

there are signs a n d gestures ranging f rom

p e n a l to the " S i g n of S y m p a t h y " a n d

passwords used in the rituals.

M e m b e r s h i p is b y i n v i t a t i o n o n the

r e c o m m e n d a t i o n o f a M a s o n . If t h e

candidate (who shou ld be over twenty-one

a n d m a l e ) a c c e p t s h e u n d e r g o e s a n

i n i t i a t i o n c e r e m o n y d u r i n g w h i c h he is

b l indfo lded, made to rol l up his left trouser

leg above the knee a n d right sleeve, a rope

noose is h u n g r o u n d his n e c k a n d his left

breast bared . A l l meta l objects are r e m o v e d

f rom his p e r s o n (see below) .

D u r i n g t h e i n i t i a t i o n h e i s t o l d t h e

" s e c r e t s " of M a s o n r y (grips, passwords ,

etc) a n d then he pledges a n o a t h o n the

Bible w h i c h if he b r e a k s may result in h i m

having his throat cut , his tongue t o r n out ,

his left breast laid o p e n , his body severed in

two a n d bowels b u r n e d to ashes , his head

cut off, his right h a n d c u t off a n d s lung over

his left shou lder to wi ther a n d die.

It may all s o u n d very silly but it seems to

be an adult game w o r t h p laying for the

benefits it reaps if the n u m b e r of F r e e

m a s o n s high i n the C o l l e g e admin i s t ra t i on

s t ruc ture is anyth ing to go by.

It is of great interest that the M a s o n i c

D i n n e r s , w h i c h up unti l early this year were

held at the B r i t i s h M a s o n i c H e a d q u a r t e r s in

G r e a t Q u e e n Street , have n o w been shifted

to the refectory in the Sher f ie ld Bu i ld ing .

T h i s means that F r e e m a s o n s f r o m all over

the c o u n t r y c o m e to Imperial Co l l ege to eat!

I a m in fo rmed by a M a s o n w h o travels

four h u n d r e d mi les to a t tend these d inners

that " the food is s imply excel lent a n d the

price is so cheap" . W e a s k e d M r M o o n e y

direct ly if he was a M a s o n a n d he denied any

suggestion that he was. H o w e v e r , if he were

a M a s o n he w o u l d be under oath not to

divulge the fact to us. It is a we l l -known fact

that M r M o o n e y often b o o k s dinners in the

Sherf ie ld Bu i l d i n g under the name of " T h e

W h i t e L o d g e G o l f C l u b " . M r M o o n e y does

not play golf (see F E L I X interview N o .

569) a n d the a forement ioned golf c lub is in

f a c t a M a s o n i c L o d g e . If M r M o o n e y

is not a lready a F r e e m a s o n , then perhaps he

w o u l d l ike to be. F o r the G r a n d L o d g e to

choose Imperial Co l l ege in w h i c h to dine I

c a n only th ink that they are getting a very

good deal indeed .

M a n y top officials in the Sherf ie ld Bu i l d i n g

are F r e e m a s o n s . T h e y most ly belong to the

H a m m e r s m i t h A r t s a n d Sc iences L o d g e .

(This is cur i ous since dinners are b o o k e d

under the G o l f C l u b — s u r e l y someone in

Co l l ege belongs to this Lodge?)

T h e " C o l l e g e L o d g e " is quite act ive. It

holds regular meetings in its T e m p l e — t h e

Q u i e t R o o m i n t h e b a s e m e n t o f t h e

Sherf ie ld Bui ld ing . It is quite possible to

c a t c h g l i m p s e s of w e l l - k n o w n C o l l e g e

figures in M a s o n i c regalia if y o u wander out

of the Sherf ie ld g round level toilets b a c k

entrance d o w n to the Q u i e t R o o m . If you ' re

very lucky , y o u might even c a t c h a gl impse

of a n initiate ( 4 0 0 A S A f i lm, avo id flash a n d

s e n d i m m e d i a t e l y t o F E L I X f o r h e f t y

payment! )

N o t so long ago, the Islamic Soc i e ty were

prevented f rom util ising the Qu ie t R o o m as

a p r a y e r r o o m ! R u m o u r s a b o u n d of a

M a s o n i c influence but I'm quite c o n v i n c e d

they have no factual basis .

Incidental ly , the two c leaners ' c u p b o a r d s

near the Q u i e t R o o m (which the c leaners

don't have a key to) are used for s tor ing

M a s o n i c regalia. A n d next to the Q u i e t

R o o m is a s n o o k e r r o o m w h i c h is undoubt

edly put to g o o d use o n a L o d g e night.

S o what does it all m e a n . W h a t ' s w r o n g

wi th the Co l l ege dignitories dress ing up a n d

playing in a n undignif ied m a n n e r , having a

few beers a n d a few s m o k e s in the s n o o k e r

r o o m . A b s o l u t e l y nothing! B u t is that all

there is to it? Le t me conc lude by ask ing a

couple of quest ions :

H o w c a n Imperial C o l l e g e cater ing be

recognised by representat ives of over half a

mil l ion B r i t i s h F r e e m a s o n s as the best deal

in t e rms of quality a n d price of food, even

better than the cater ing it c a n provide itself

at the G r e a t Q u e e n Street headquarters?

W h i c h people in Co l l ege admin is t ra t i on

a r e h o l d i n g p o s t s p u r e l y a n d s i m p l y

because they are F r e e m a s o n s a n d not o n

any p r o v e n ability?

S o u r c e s o f R e f e r e n c e :

Darkness Visible by W a l t o n H a n n a h

Freemasonry Exposed and Explained by

W i l l i a m M o r g a n (1826). (Publ i cat ion of this

book led to its author ' s murder . ) H a s been

repr inted .

Why Shouldn't I Be A Freemason by

W a l t o n H a n n a h

T h e r e are many M a s o n i c texts supposed ly

u n d e r s t o o d only by F r e e m a s o n s — a list a n d

longer list of general references is given in

D a r k n e s s V i s ib l e .

The Shape of

Things to Come

by next year's editor

The retiring editor has kindly donated the

space to me in order to express my plans for

the coming year. I would like to outline the

major events in chronological order.

PG FEUX

There will be one P G F E L I X only on Friday,

August 7. C o p y deadline for that issue will be

Wednesday, July 29.

I hope to spend a great deal of time over the

s u m m e r prepar ing feature articles for the

coming year, which I feel are greatly needed.

This means that I will only have time for one

issue, so I hope you do not take this as an early

sign of laziness.

If any of you P G s have some bright ideas for

articles then please come in and see me. I'd

like to see a lot of work by you in this issue.

Freshers' FELIX

C o p y deadline for the Freshers ' F E L I X is

Wednesday, September 23. Please ensure that

any articles reach the office by that date. I

cannot guarantee inclusion of any piece, but

shall consider each on their merits as space is

limited.

I would like to remind the publicity officers

of c lubs and societies that I do not want a

repetition of Handbook articles. Y o u r articles

s h o u l d on ly i n c l u d e news of r e c r u i t m e n t

events and the activities of the first few weeks.

I would also like to remind those people who

were too lazy or inefficient to contribute their

articles to the Handbook that they will not be

given an opportunity to use Freshers ' F E L I X

as a substitute.

RCS Centenary

There will be a special issueonFriday, November

27 to celebrate the R C S Centenary, which will

coincide with the Centenary Bal l . This will

include a history of the R C S and also any other

interesting items I can find.

FELIX 600th Issue

A l l being wel l , the s ix -hundredth issue of

F E L I X will be on Friday, December 11. This

will hopefully be a bumper Christmas number

too and will include articles on the foundation

and history of F E L I X .

Imperial College 75th Anniversary

This takes place in July 1982. I have no plans

as yet.

Solutions

The solution to the last puzzle should be self

e x p l a n a t o r y . T h e p r i z e w i n n e r is A d r i a n

Tottenham, C h e m Eng P G , and he can collect

his prize from the F E L I X Office on Monday

afternoon.

The Phoenix puzzle was rather trickier. At

some stage in the game, the position shown in

the diagram was reached, Black just having

played B — Q 4 check. White b locked the check

with P — B 4 , whereupon Black played P x P en

passant, double check. White then destroyed

the evidence by playing K x P , and at this stage

the k ing was knocked from the board.

I received correct entries from Andrew

Brit ton, Damian Hassan and J o h n Murphy ,

and of these A n d r e w B r i t t o n was chosen as

the winner. He now goes on to the second part

of the competition, which involves finding Sean

Gib l in , and persuading him to hand over the

£10 prize. G o o d luck!

Puzzle from Last Edition

0 5 4 1 6 1 3 4

0 6 2 1 5 1 3 0

3 4 4 2 5 6 4 4

0 0 6 0 6 6 1 1

6 3 5 4 5 2 0 3

3 4 5 2 3 2 1 3

5 2 6 5 0 1 2 2

Phoenix Puzzle

P i • n j§§ §§ Si

• •111

•

• • H

• a • §§ • —

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss^sssssssssssssssssss

You needn't miss all the scandal. Leaving College this year? Interested in keeping in t o u c h with

what 's going on? T h e n why not subscr ibe to F E L I X for a year. F o r a

mere £7.00 y o u c a n have your very o w n c o p y of F E L I X del ivered to

your door every week . (Students l iving overseas c a n arrange to have

F E L I X sent to t h e m as wel l , but the rates will vary.)

If y o u are interested then enquire at the F E L I X Office for further

details or r e turn the f o rm below:

Please, please, please send me F E L I X for a year. I willingly

enclose a £7 cheque /posta l o r d e r / c a s h .

N a me

Department

A d d r e s s to which F E L I X should be sent

C h e q u e s payable to: ICU Publications Board (FELIX).

Attention all P G s !

N o w 1 k n o w that you 're all very busy lounging a r o u n d a n d d r i n k i n g

coffee all day , but I think that y o u c a n spare a little t ime to contr ibute to

the P G F E L I X o n A u g u s t 7. A f te r a l l , it will be my one a n d only issue

over the s u m m e r a n d I'll need to fill it up with someth ing ! S o if you 've

any interest ing ideas for art ic les , or perhaps want to write a letter or

two , then c o m e into the office a n d d iscuss it w i th me. C o p y

deadline is Wednesday July 29.

C o m e on c h a p s , let's go!

L i n d l e y i n t h e D o c k

John William Garbutt Lindley, came to this College three years ago after a long career In

the Royal Navy. He rose to the rank of Captain and was a Naval Aide-de-camp to the

Queen. He was Flag Captain to the Flag Officer for Scotland and Northern Ireland and

Commander of HMS Cochrane (usually known as Rosyth Naval Base). As Domestic

Secretary he Is in overall charge of many areas of College, eg Refectories, Halls of

Residence, Security. So that students may gain a better knowledge of him, FELIX Is proud

to present a telephone conversation with him which occured last November. The topic of

discussion Is the visit to College of Prince Phillip In connection with the Duke of Edinburgh

Award Scheme. We had hoped to pad out the story with a few factual details concerning

the visit and felt Captain Lindley might have been able to help us.

The following text is a complete and accurate report of the ensuing conversation and

contains the now Infamous sentence concerning Captain Llndley's numeracy. We feel

Captain Lindley says more about himself In this short exchange than we ever could!

G o o d afternoon. I'm Sean Gib l in from F E L I X . I'd like to ask you some questions about the visit of the Duke of Edinburgh to Col lege t o d a y . C o u l d we have s o m e i n f o r m a t i o n which might be of interest to students for this week's F E L I X ?

What is it that you want to know?

We'd like to know why he was here, and

s o m e t h i n g a b o u t the D u k e of E d i n b u r g h

Award scheme.

Well, at the moment, just a minute, I have no

secretary, and I'm right up to my eyes. I've no

time to deal with the matter. You're right, he

has been here all day, for the Duke of

Edinburgh Award Scheme.

(At t h i s p o i n t s o m e r o w d i e s e n t e r e d the

FELI X Office. Mr Gib l in asked to be excused

to deal with them, and Capt Lindley put the

phone down. Mr Gib l in phoned back. The

telephone rang fifty-eight times (we counted

'em!) without Capt Lindley answering it. Mr

Gib l in tried again, and Capt Lindley p icked it

up immediately.)

Captain Lindley

G o o d afternoon. It's Sean Gib l in again. I contacted

Oh, never mind that

Mr Butcher and then Miss O 'Ca l laghan , who

referred me to you.

Look. At the moment I've got quite a few

things. Can you come over in the morning

and have a quick chat?

Well , I don't think there's enough time for that

really, we'd like it in this week's issue if at all

possible.

What is it you want to know particularly?

Well

First of all, you must understand that we

provide facilities, as it were, um, we're not

involved in the detailed running of the thing. I

mean, what they do, their programme and so

on, they set up themselves.

What was particularly interesting was that

when I asked Miss O 'Ca l laghan what was

going on, she said that she had been told by

t h e P a l a c e not to m a k e a n y c o m m e n t

whatsoever on the visit of Prince Phi l l ip

Now hang on....hang on. Just a minute, just a

minute. Let's get that in perspective.

That's exactly what she said to me.

Look, do you want to know what the Duke of

Edinburgh Award Scheme is about?

We've got enough information on that. What

is particularly interesting is that why, when

we asked for information from Col lege , we

were stonewalled. I've been in touch with the

Press Assoc ia t ion to ask them if they know

anything about the Duke's visit to Col lege ,

and they were most surprised when I said that

we couldn't get any information from Col lege .

Well, look. What I'm going to do, is to talk about the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme, not what sdmebody said. All that happened was that yesterday afternoon we got a question about TV recording, and we had to ask whether this was, er, agreed with the organisers etc and the answer was No, they did not wish it to be done. Full stop. That's all it is. There's no mystery.

S o a s t a t e m e n t that no a d d i t i o n a l p r e s s

coverage is required is false?

You telling me? Look, I'm not going to get

involved in this kind of enquiry—you must

come and see me. I do not conduct telephone

conversations of this sort. I understand you

wanted me to talk about the Duke of

Edinburgh Award Scheme. That I am quite

prepared to do.

We'd like to know how long this event has

been arranged for as well , for example, how

long ago the J C R was booked.

Oh, I can look that up. I don't know off hand, but it wasn't done five minutes ago, I can tell you. I mean it was done some time ago, and it was done properly. So there's no mystery about that either.

Just to check a few facts, were there 550 visitors?

I wouldn't know, I don't count 'em. Look what is we're trying to do? Do you want to know about the visit or not?

You must understand

I'm not going to understand anything.

any information that I've got has been

obtained with great difficulty because of the

apparent attitude in Col lege block

There isn't an attitude in College block. Don't

try and manufacture something where there

isn't anything. There is no attitude at all. If

you want to talk to me about the Duke of

Edinburgh Award Scheme, I'm perfectly

happy so to do. If you start saying to me were

there 550 visitors, the answer is I don't know,

I don't stand and count 'em, and it's not up to

me to count them either but there were

quite a lot.

Do you know roughly where they all came from?

All over the country.

A n d that satisfies your concern. You're not

absolutely sure how many people are here

Oh God, I don't know.

If I'd got this information from somewhere

else I wouldn't have had to bother you.

Look. It isn't a question of bothering me. The

Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme hired the

Great Hall. I don't know how many people.

We know roughly. I suppose if I went down

and asked Mr Mobney how many for lunch

etc, etc, he could probably tell me precisely.

But I don't see quite what this does. You say

"Where do they come from?" I know, because

I've got a list in front of me. It doesn't say they

came from well, you know, Manchester,

Glasgow and so on, but I'm not involved in

organising the conference.

I had hoped you might have been able to tell me about foreign visitors. Were there any from abroad?

Yes, that is correct, I'm sure, because I saw

'em, but as to where they came from, I don't

know. We're simply not told that kind of

information. But it's the Tenth General

Council and Sixth International Conference

1980 and that's what we know. They were

welcomed by the Rector, at 11:30am er it

really isn't up to us. They run their own show, not us.

Is it c o m m o n for this to happen? I would have thought that of all the people in Col lege , you, Capta in Lindley , would have been privy to the most detailed information available c o n c e r n ing what's go ing on.

Of course we don't know. Why should you

suppose that? But anyway, we're getting a

long, long way from what we're talking about.

Are we talking about the Duke of Edinburgh

Award Scheme or not? I'm trying to be

helpful. You're trying to lead me into various

sorts of situations

Well , I think, Capta in Lindley , that you've got

the wrong impress ion of

Have I?

people who write for F E L I X .

Look, I'm perfectly happy to help you if you

want some information about the Duke of

Edinburgh Award Scheme as far as I'm aware

of it. But if you ask me who came from where

and so on, they know, I don't.

So people from outside IC can come in and

have a conference and people in authority

such as yourself don't actually know what is

going on , and short of rough details

No, no, no, no, no. That's not what we're say

ing, that's just not what we're saying. To say

that you don't know what's going on because

you don't have a total list of every visitor,

that's just not so. We have students there, we

could talk about what the Duke of Edinburgh

Award Scheme does and that sort of thing, but

you know that already. If you ask me

questions that I can answer, then I willingly

will, but I do not want for a moment that you

should feel that anybody is trying to suppress

anything, because if you suggest that, then

I'm sorry, but you've got the wrong end of the

stick.

I'm glad to hear that. It's just unfortunate that

the only person in Col lege who has actually

said that is yourself. Thank you very much

Captain Lindley. Goodbye .

Quotes of the Year The Ents C h a i r m a n had just explained that

E n t s c o u l d not a d v e r t i s e gigs o u t s i d e of

C o l l e g e as the G L C w o u l d not a l l ow it .

"Perhaps you could put them up and hope

nobody notices them," retorted Ian Morse , the

F E L I X Printer.

" F o r us ignoramuses—just what is a B S c ? "

W o r d s i m m o r t a l i s e d by f o r m e r E x t e r n a l

Affairs Officer, Phi l C o l e , following ten minutes

d i s c u s s i o n o n the G r e e k B S c degree at

Counc i l .

"I often have a leak while changing in the

darkroom. " Some obscure reference to light

leaks while changing the F E L I X typesetting

paper by M a z Fellows.

" C A R E F U L ! These are the only originals

I've got"— S J Marshal l .

" I ' m not as s t u p i d as I l o o k " — S t e v e

Goulder .

C a p t a i n L i n d l e y has a few n ice c a t c h -

phrases, eg " N o w let's get this straight ";

" N o , let me correct you. . . . " ; " L o o k , we're not

t r y i n g t o h i d e a n y t h i n g " ; " W e c a n

cooperate.. . ." ; "Let ' s talk sense...."

" W h a t ' s a 1 3 - i n c h e r l i k e ? " — S a r a

M c G u i n n e s s in P i z z a H u t .

"I've had a lot of 'assle this w e e k " — C o l i n

Palmer, and frankly we're not surprised.

"I don't k n o w ! " — R a e Snee.

" H e ' s in a meeting, can you ring back

l a t e r . " — A L L the secretaries in Sherfield.

" F u c k i n g R o y a l t y ! F u c k i n g R o y a l t y !

F u c k i n g R o y a l t y ! " — J Passmore, on hearing

Princess A n n e had been elected as Chancel lor

of the University of L o n d o n .

'They only give him 'Meet I C to stop him

meddling in anything else' — L i z Lindsay.

" T h e y wouldn't get out if they were in M Y

police s t a t i o n " — M r Reeves, Chief Security

Officer, in reference to the R C S U mascotry

vandals.

"I daren't pick my nose unless H E says

s o ! " — M i c h a e l A r t h u r , making finger gestures,

and referring to the Senior Warden , D o n

M o n r o , who was present.

"I hope you aren't going to print any of

th i s . "—Michae l Arthur ' s most used phrase.

" Y o u are nothing but a creature crawling

across the floor. Y o u ought to be confined to a

cage with nothing more than bread and water

to survive u p o n . " — M r s Pingree, the College

Archivist , admonising S Marshal l who had just

presented Archives with a signed copy of his

1979/80 Rag M a g .

" H e ' s so t h i c k h e ' d have to t a k e his

trousers off to see what colour underpants he

was wear ing . "—S J Marshal l .

" E r e , what's this French letter doing in

F E L I X . " — S c a r a m o u c h e .

A n d finally,

" O h , I take it all with a pinch of sa l t "—a

M o o n e y classic.

Review Imperial College has continued this season to

be the foremost college in London University

in the sporting field. The level of activity and

interest in Sport at IC has remained

high—this interest leading to many suc

cesses. Once again, the Boat Club has shown

that IC is a force to be reckoned with in the

rowing world and this kind of success can

surely do IC's reputation no harm at all. The

Football Club achieved a whitewash of the

ULU leagues—winning all of them. Hockey

Club achieved not only first and second place

in the ULU League but a convincing win in

their Middlesex League—matching them

against top class opposition next season. The

Rugby Club's season has been marred by

some heavy defeats from top class club

opposition, but is still considered a force

within London Col leges—whi lst Ladies

Rugby Club has continued from its promising

start last season to eminence this season.

Despite poor facilities, some of the indoor

clubs have flourished this season and now

the Volleyball Court seem to be sorted out

(thanks to Nick) prospects are good for next

session.

Next year's officers have been elected and I

would like to wish Lesley Good Luck as next

year's Sports Editor and remind her of the

FELIX motto "Keep the claws sharpened".

Phil

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Life Membership

A proposa l c oncern ing an increase in Life

Membership subscriptions is being put to Joint

C o u n c i l on M o n d a y , J u n e 22. S h o u l d this

proposal be accepted the Life Membership rates

will be raised from January 1, 1982 to:

(i) Full member of the Union for 3 academic

years. Cost £10.

(ii) Full member of the Union for less than 3

academic years. Cost £15.

(iii) Research assistant and member of the Senior

Common Room for at least one academic year

or A n academic member of staff.

or A member of administrative staff qualified to

degree level

or A member of College staff for a period of not

less than 5 years. Cost £25.

Therefore I would urge all new graduates to

take out their Life Memberships before January

1982.

Incost 81

During the Easter vacation IC Union played host

to the Fifth International Conference for Students

of Technology. A great deal of hard work had

gone into the preparations for the conference

throughout the year by many students from IC.

During last summer invitations to attend the

conference were sent to all the major academic

institutions throughout Europe but the response

was a bit disheartening. In the end we had 44

students attending the conference including two

delegates who were sponsored by U N E S C O .

These two students came from Malaysia and

Kenya.

The students arrived on Wednesday, Apri l 1

and were settled into their Southside acommoda-

tion. Unfortunately the heating system was being

altered so some rooms were not very warm! A

welcoming ceremony was held for the delegates

in the U n i o n that af ternoon. W e were very

pleased to have Prof Sutton present to welcome

the students on behalf of the College. M r Alan

Goodyear from U N E S C O was also present and

he outlined his organisation's connection with the

previous conferences.

Work started on the Thursday with all the

delegates split into their chosen working groups.

The four topics which were discussed were: the

Information Revolution; Transportation in an

E n e r g y C o n s c i o u s S o c i e t y ; E d u c a t i o n a l

Preparation for a Scientific or Technical Degree;

and, the Role of Research in Universities.

The organisers of each group managed to

attract some very dist inguished speakers to

contribute to the conferences. These people

included Dr Tony Ridley, Managing Director of

London Transport, Mr Paul Sieghart, a barrister

concerned with Privacy Law. Dr John Spice,

Head of Nuffield Science Foundation and Dr

Waller of the National Research Development

Corporation. The general procedure was for our

students to introduce the topic and to guide the

delegates into the various international aspects of

the subject.

O n the Thursday evening the whole party

headed into the West End for a visit to the

theatre. The show which had been chosen, Euita,

proved to be a very popular choice and the

evening was rounded off by a trip through Soho.

The w o r k i n g groups met again o n F r i d a y

morning but in the afternoon the party split up in

order to visit some companies. The visits which

had been arranged were to G E C Computers Ltd

at D u n s t a b l e a n d the F o r d M o t o r C o at

Dagenham. Unfortunately the workers at Ford

were on a 'go slow' so the delegates had a

shortened visit.

The G E C visit was very interesting and was

well rounded off with a super afternoon tea! On

Saturday work started again but we were without

our two Polish friends as they are supporters of

'Solidarity'! In the afternoon several delegates

went to see Q P R play but I think they were

disappointed through the lack of goals. That

evening we held a dinner for the delegates in

Southside. M r Peter Foster, Deputy Chairman of

the Board of Governors, was our guest speaker

and M r Alan Goodyear replied on behalf of the

guests. Prof Sutton also attended the dinner and

everyone seemed to enjoy the evening. O n

Sunday the group descended upon Silwood Park

where we were received by M r Fisher, warden of

the park. Following a super lunch at Silwood we

headed back to London via Windsor where there

was lots of time to visit the castle and have

afternoon tea! Later that evening we all met in the

U n i o n B a r w h e r e a n i n t e r n a t i o n a l d a r t s

competition was held!

Monday morning was back to work and in the

afternoon the delegates vis i ted B r i t i s h Tele

communications at Ipswich and the Metal Box

C o m p a n y at W a n t a g e . T h e s e were b o t h

very interest ing visits and were enjoyed by

everyone.

O n Tuesday the final reports were put together

and were discussed by the group as a whole. A lot

of very interesting information had been compiled

and was presented in very differing ways. The

reports of the groups will be produced before the

end of June. At the final session it was decided

to hold the Sixth I N C O S T in Gliwice, Poland next

easter providing the political situation is relatively

stable. To end a very enjoyable week a pub crawl

a r o u n d the v a r i o u s h o s t e l r i e s in S o u t h

Kensington was arranged.

Our European visitors took advantage of the

cheaper English beer and consumed their fair

share!

O n Wednesday most of our delegates left but

all p r o m i s i n g to a t t e n d a get - together in

Trondheim, Norway in October. After all the

hassle of the preparations for the week the

conference was a tremendous success and was

enjoyed by all concerned.

Elizabeth Lindsay

ICU Hon Sec

Greater London Red

Cross Blood

Transfusion Service

This Service provides voluntary Blood Donors to hospitals in Greater London when it is essential that freshly drawn blood is used. This F R E S H B L O O D S e r v i c e is c o m p l e m e n t a r y to the Nat ional B l o o d Trans fus ion Service and cooperates with the Department of Health in the N a t i o n a l H e a l t h S e r v i c e . O u r D o n o r s are prepared to travel to any hospital in the Greater London area usually at a moment's notice in order to try and save lite. Sometimes it is possible to give up to twenty-four hours notice, ie when an operation is scheduled for a specific time. The Service always does its best to send Donors to hospitals as near to their place of work or home as possible.

Demands are increasing and volunteers are urgently needed to ensure that all calls are met.

A report and seal is sent to the Donor after every donation. Volunteers must be between the ages of eighteen and sixty-five and are required to have a medical examination at St Bartholomew's Hosp i ta l . An y o n e who is interested should immediately contact the Secre tary , Greater London Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service, 4 Collingham Gdns, SW5, 373-1055/6/7 or contact Roger Serpell, Aero Dept, int 3707.

Bookshop News

Lead Tides

Smiley's People-John Le Carre, Pan, £1.75

Le Carre's best, the ultimate espionage novel,

more tension and excitement than anything else

he has written.

Making of Mankind-Richard E Leakey, Michael Joseph, £9.95.

In this book the author has created a lasting r e c o r d of his c o m p e l l i n g t e l e v i s i o n ser ies . Beautiful photographs recall the many places where the series was filmed.

Traditional Islamic Craft in Moroccan Archi

tecture-Andre Paccard, Editions Atelier 74—2

volumes—£125.00.

C o m p r i s e s more than 1,100 pages , 2,000

photographs (almost all in full colour). For the

first time in the history of Islamic architecture, the

great Moroccan master craftsmen reveal their

secrets.

ICON, The Imperial College Review, 20p, is on

sale in the Bookshop. The latest issue covers art,

m u s i c , l i t e r a t u r e , t h r e e c o n t r i b u t i o n s — a

philsopher, a priest and an engineer, consider

which books or stories have most influenced their

outlook in later life. Compelling reading. A pity

there is to be only two issues a year.

Recommended Reading Lists. We have had

some enlightening answers to our request for

titles for next term. Examples:

Nearly Essential Reading!

Name Department recommended books. Nil

Classification, a what no book!

List of titles, no name or department

List of titles, O K . Number of students, nil

One department listed 127 titles that are essential

r e a d i n g . T h e c o s t per s t u d e n t w o u l d be

approximately £2,000.

The Private Life of

Steve Marshall by The Staff

SCC

Stephen John Marshall entered the worid on December 14, 1958 in Wolverhampton. Little did he realise then that he was destined to become editor of no less than four publications.

Steve was an unusually perceptive child whose wasp collection was the envy of many a friend at Wood End Juniors school. At an early age he exhibited an aptitude for scientific investigation: his mother was horrified to find a frog partially dissected on her bread-board and was annoyed further when he boiled a piglet in caustic potash in her best a luminium saucepan. O n another occas ion he made nitrogen tr i iodide in his garden shed laboratory and left it outside to dry. W h e n he i n v e s t i g a t e d a s u d d e n bang he discovered the remains of the poor sparrow which had mistaken the black powder for food.

It is important that all S C C clubs and societies

give their account book to Dr Rzepa before the

end of term.

Stephen Goulder

SCC Chairman 1981/2

Steve is planning to go to Australia next year,

with a holiday in South America in the

intervening months. He is pictured here with his

mother on Blackpool beach during an earlier

expedition.

Another early love of Steve's was money. He

decided that writing was a good way to earn extra

cash, but eventually settled for cartooning. Soon

papers of great repute (Titbits, Weekend, etc)

carried Marshall cartoons, the subject of which

were only l imited by what would " s e l l " . By

studying other cartoonists he developed his own

drawing style and brand of humour.

It was his cartooning abilities which led to his

involvement in FELIX. On his first day at IC he

wandered into the office and announced his

desire to contribute to the editor, Duncan Suss.

Presuming that any editor would own a car, he

then cheekily asked for a lift with his belongings.

Duncan managed to arrange a lift for him and

thus secured a weekly cartoon from the keen

Chemistry fresher. With the encouragement of

Bill Tidy. Steve managed to become a member ot

the C a r t o o n i s t s ' C l u b of Great B r i t a i n , an

o r g a n i s a t i o n run by and for p r o f e s s i o n a l

cartoonists.

During his first summer vacation he produced a

book of his cartoons which aroused in him a

desire lo edit the IC Rag Mag. Steve was very

keen to produce a memorable publication, which

indeed he did. In fact it was during its production

that he first became a centre of controversy. The

Deputy Pres ident , M a l c o l m B r a i n , was very

concerned, because the "sick" jokes and phallic

crossword that Steve intended to include were

totally unacceptable in his eyes. Despite the fuss

and a threat to have his "head caved in" by the

DP. he stuck to his guns and produced a classic

Rag Mag.

In his third year he took control of The Phoenix

which was near extinction after failing to appear

for two years . By careful planning and an

enormous amount of hard work he managed to

raise the magazine back to its previous heights, as

befits a publ icat ion founded by H G Wel l s .

Despite many sleepless nights pasting up he still

managed to work hard on his degree and

graduated with an Upper Second last year.

During his year as F E L I X Editor Steve has once

again been the source of some controversial

items. His criticisms of Mr Mooney and Captain

Lindley may not have earned him friends in high

places, but many students have expressed their

enjoyment of such articles. Other Marshall ideas

were less popular, but even a series of U G M

motions seemed to have no effect. He can only

really be judged by his results—the issues which

he produced. These seem to have provoked a

great deal of interest and have always been well

read.

D e s p i t e be ing F E L I X E d i t o r he has s t i l l

remained relatively u n k n o w n in publ i c . H i s

defence at U G M s has been carried out by a staff

orator and his face is rarely pictured in the

n e w s p a p e r . F o r some r e a s o n , p r e s u m a b l y

modesty, he prefers not to be recognised. For a

year he has lived in a semi—nocturnal existence,

arriving late in the office and remaining there until

the small hours.

In recent months his plans for the next year

have been the cause of some a m u s e m e n t

amongst the staff. Firstly he decided to take 3

months holiday in South America. We accidently

espied his plans to take pot—noodles and

Cadbury's Smash to the Andes, which raised a

few titters, but "three pairs socks, two pairs

pants" for 3 months was hilarious. The need for

vaccinations prompted Dr Haines' article in the

previous issue and he is still busy trying to

memorize all the types of poisonous snakes

Unfortunately he has had to postone his little

jaunt in favour of setting up a PhD. . . . in Australia.

Somehow we feel that Aussieland will be ideally

suited to Mr Marshall's requirements (and it is

very far away). However nobody has yet warned

the Australians. We wish him every success in

the venture.

We showed this article to Steve for his

comments. "People might be interested," he said,

...but if they're not stuff 'em?'

A rare picture of Steve taken during his

Grammar School days. We feel that this picture

captures his youthful enthusiasm and vitality

which have remained with him throughout his

year as Editor.

I feel that this Editorial is going to be somewhat

of an anti-climax to those of you who expect

me to slag off all those lazy, inefficient ponces

who have the audacity to call themselves

Union Officers or College administrators. 1

have nothing specific to say about anything at

the moment and everything you are about to

read is purely a collection of jottings that come

to mind as I sit here thinking about ways of

filling the entire back page.

I w i l l res i s t the t e m p t a t i o n to r e c o u n t

personalia as I understand the F E L I X staff are

k n o c k i n g s o m e t h i n g t o g e t h e r a b o u t me

overleaf (dread the thought!). Some people

this year have accused me (or even praised

me, dare I say it) for being far too outspoken

and downright rude.

I m u s t a d m i t that I never i n t e n d e d to

b e c o m e n o t o r i o u s as F E L I X E d i t o r or to

impose my character on F E L I X to the extent

that I have. I originally aimed to take a laid-

back approach, keeping out of the limelight (as

it were), adding balance here and there with an

editorial comment on a few pertinent issues.

Then Dare Afolabi came along! It all started

when M a r k Smi th (Editor-elect) chopped the

last paragraph off his Afro -Car ib article to

make it fit—it just happended to be about

apartheid. H e assumed I (it wasn't even me)

had " censored" him. (Don't they always?).

M r Afolabi sent me a stormer of a letter

accusing me of infringing the I C U Constitut ion,

c e n s o r s h i p , a n d w o r s t of a l l , r e s t r i c t i n g

freedom of expression. Nothing annoys me

more than being accused of acting against one

of my own strong beliefs—I've always been

strongly in favour of freedom of expression—

no matter how right-wing or left-wing your

views may be. Nevertheless, I kept my cool .

Then Afolabi sent another letter and another,

a n d a n o t h e r I r e a c t e d . M y r e a c t i o n

p r o v o k e d a c h a i n r e a c t i o n . F e e d b a c k is-

pleasing, positive or negative; I started to take

more personal interest in F E L I X and have

used it to provoke interest ever since.

However , I would a d d that I hold M r Afolabi

and others like him in considerable contempt, I

am not racist (I A M sexist), and I believe the

apartheid system is very, very wrong.

While the members of the Ant i -Apartheid

G r o u p d e s e r v e e v e r y p r a i s e f o r t h e i r

determined efforts, they must realise they will

achieve nothing concrete. The only situation

where they could have gained some headway

c o n c e r n e d the a d m i s s i o n of whi te S o u t h

A f r i c a n s t u d e n t s to the C o l l e g e ' s n u c l e a r

technology course. Without wishing to be

labelled as a evil supporter of the Fascist

Regime, 1 cannot agree with this move as, like

the Rector, I believe academic freedom is a far

more important consideration.

Were the left-wingers to actively campaign

a b o u t t h i n g s c l o s e r to h o m e s u c h as

r e f e c t o r i e s , H a l l rents a n d the C o l l e g e ' s

determined efforts to waste thousands of

pounds on utter flops such as Meet IC then

this place might be just a little more lively.

I have attempted to keep F E L I X concen

trated firmly on internal matters this year and I

believe this is the right policy—perhaps this

the reason why U G M s failed so abysmally this

year. I have criticised the Union , or more

correctly, its officers without second thought

for the c o n t i n u a n c e of a " g o o d w o r k i n g

working relationship" with them. I detest most

of them anyway. John Passmore, who still

ins i s t s on gree t ing me p l e a s a n t l y , wi l l be

forgotten next year, tucked away on his Phd in

the Mines department, which lowered their

u s u a l h i g h s t a n d a r d s i n a c c e p t i n g h i m .

However , personalities in College administra

t ion (V ic tor M o o n e y and C a p t a i n L ind ley

come eagerly to mind) will still be here next

year. Victor Mooney is hardened to criticism

after twenty years of it, so I attempted a new

approach this year. The " N e w Years Honours

S h o c k " seemed to cause quite a jolly stir (you

s h o u l d have seen the o r i g i n a l a r t i c l e we

decided N O T to print). I was surprised by the

o u t c r y , I m u s t a d m i t . I h a d no o f f i c i a l

correspondence from Victor Mooney himself

but the Rector was disgusted. John Passmore

agreed with the Rector that it was disgusting (I

saw him laughing!). I was told by a senior

Sherfield man sympathetic to the cause, that

" i t is not u n u s u a l for a s e n i o r r e f e c t o ry

manager who often caters for Royalty with

thirty-years experience to receive a C B E or

something similar". It was suggested that I had

hit Victor Mooney below the belt. M y repost

was the same as always, Victor Mooney has

been hitting us all below the belt for many

years. Even when the College are eventually

find of him, the refectories will still need a good

five years sorting out. It's simply pathetic.

Captain Lindley is altogether another kettle

of fish. Prior to this year, the Captain had

come off lightly, if mentioned at all, in the

pages of F E L I X . I believe that my predecessors

were actually put off by his pretentious use of

rank. I find it difficult to have any faith in the

naval defence of this country after meeting and

talking to Captain Lindley. The amazing thing

is that the top officers in the Sherfield Building

talk about the Captain in a far more cutting

manner than I would ever consider publishing.

Not only has he been a figure of fun in the

U n i o n , but also in Sherfield. What a pity Topic

doesn't have a gossip co lumn! This man has

the responsibilities which most directly affect

students. A s Domestic Secretary, he is Victor

M o o n e y ' s b o s s , i n o v e r a l l c h a r g e of a l l

refectories and bars; he has direct responsi

bility for Halls of Residence and Houses; he is

in charge of the booking of rooms and all

cleaners; and, to top it all , he looks after the

secur i ty of the entire Co l lege . T o o m u c h

responsibility for one man, without having to

contend with F E L I X as well (not to mention

Meet IC) you might well say. Obviously.

Some of the thing I never got round to. I

would have liked to have had more feature

articles but there just weren't enough staff to

write them. I had envisaged an article on

College-owned flats; you know, the ones they

don't tell students about, leave vacant for ages,

then move in some College person for a few

weeks, on a "need basis". H o w many people

realise there are two fully-furnished flats in the

Union Building? I'm not sure if many in the

Union realise it. These two flats are marked

only by unassuming front doors on the west

staircase of the Un ion Building and are omitted

from the diagram in the Handbook. They are

both known as "Refectory Flats" , intended for

people in the refectory service—often those

who work in the Union Refectory, so that they

haven't far to walk in the mornings presum

ably. The flats are let at very low rates. The

disgraceful thing is that one of these flats has

been left e m p t y for two y e a r s ! O K , flat-

hunters, now you know, I suggest you look up

your squatters' rights before the College find a

"needy person". They've been looking for two

years, so they're bound to find one real soon.

Victor Mooney has a very nice flat near

Southside. Recently redecorated I understand.

£1,000. A number of College employees live in

N o 8 P r i n c e s G a r d e n s a n d o t h e r s are

sprinkled around Princes and Evelyn Gardens .

However , a lot seem quite legitimate and will

warrant no further attention.

68 E v e l y n G a r d e n s . I n t e r e s t i n g l i t t l e

number. This house contains six flats originally

intended for married IC students. T o the best of

available knowledge, only two are occupied by

students. One is home sweet home for Stan,

the drunk who used to swear at people in the

Southside Bar before he was moved to the

Hol land C l u b . He was obviously thought to be

i n n e e d by M i s s W h i t e , w h o was t h e n

Secretary to the "Accommodat i on Selection

Commit tee " and a friend. The way of the

world, I suppose!

Again in 68, one flat had been empty for

fifteen months. Miss White has denied that the

flat was empty for this period and the College

even d e n i e d that the flat was e m p t y I N

W R I T I N G to C a m d e n Counc i l Housing A i d

Centre after a married student couple had

applied for it, knowing it to be empty. A t least

twelve people applied for the flat in 1979 by the

time it was leased to M r Chappells , a senior

engineer in the Estates department, just three

weeks after C a m d e n Counc i l had requested

information from College. It was leased on the

grounds that "no one else had applied for it" .

Rent £32.20 per week. Not bad for a flat

suitable for a married person with children.

Y e s s i r , C o l l e g e - o w n e d flats sure is an

interesting topic. Is there anything else that

springs to mind while I've got a pen in my

hand? Wel l , what about the latest episode of

petty backslapping amongst Union hacks—ie

the practice of awarding engraved pewter pots

at the last Union Cou n c i l of the year. Rae

Snee wants to put a motion to Counc i l to stop

the awarding of pots as it's costing a lot of

money. What another noble thought! M i n d

you, she's clever enough to realise that while

John Passmore is stupid enough to give her a

U G A , even Counc i l wouldn't let her have a

pot. L i z Lindsay is up in arms! She wants an

I C U pot to "complete her set" and she isn't

about to let Rae Snee do her down. Personally,

I thought a pot was for pissing in !

Finally, I would like to thank M a r k Smith ,

Patrick C o l l , T i m Hillyer, Co l in Palmer, Phil

Webb , Andy D i x o n , Mart in Taylor, Shanne

Woodhouse , Dave Brit ton, Dave Jago, Steve

Goulder , " E r i c " Jarvis , Pallab G h o s h , Paul

Parker , Carol ine G o d i n , Paul Donovan , Sean

G i b l i n for h e l p i n g o n F E L I X t h i s y e a r .

Sincerest apologies to anyone I've missed out.

I'd like to extend a special thanks to M r s

A d a m s and M r s V a r y , the Botany/Zoology tea

ladies who have made 3:00pm a great time to

be arouind. A l s o M a z Fellows, the photo-

t y p e s e t t e r - o p e r a t o r a n d Ian M o r s e , l i tho -

operator, who I have put up with all year

(variation on an old theme).

A s for the rest of Imperial College, I hate you

all. Adios .

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London,

SW7 2BB. (589 5111 ext. 1048/int. 2881) Copyright FELIX 1981. Editor: S.J. Marshall, Advertising Manager: MA. Smith. Registered at the CPO as a newspaper

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