How to Win Friends & Influence People

April 9, 2023 Ribhu Vashishtha

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HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE – DALE CARNEGEI


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About the author Dale Breckenridge Carnegie was an

American writer, lecturer, and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. He also wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), Lincoln the Unknown (1932), and several other books.

One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behaviour by changing one's reaction to them.


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Four parts of the book

1. Fundamental techniques in handling people.

2. Six ways to make people like you.

3. How to win people to your way of thinking.

4. Be a leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment.


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Fundamental techniques in handling people

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Arouse in the other person an eager want.


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Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive. Any fool can criticize, condemn or complain- and most fools do. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little

men”. –Carlyle Criticism is futile as it puts a person on the defensive & usually

makes him strive to justify himself. 90% of the people don’t blame themselves for their wrong-

doings. “God himself does not propose to judge a man until the end of

his days.”


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Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Lincoln always held his peace “with malice towards none, with charity for all”.

“Don’t criticize them, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” -Lincoln

The deepest craving in human nature is the desire to be appreciated.


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Arouse in the other person an eager want

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own.”


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Six ways to make people like you

Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile – A simple way to make a good first

impression. Remember the peoples’ names. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about

themselves. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Make the other person feel important-and do it

sincerely.


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Become genuinely interested in other people.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

The New York telephone company made a detailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used. The word was: “I”. It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations.

When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first?


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Smile – A simple way to make a good first impression.

Actions speak louder than words and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”

An insincere grin-that doesn’t fool anybody. We know it is mechanical and we resent it.

People who smile tend to manage, teach and sell far more effectively, and to raise happier children.


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Remember the peoples’ names. Remember that a person’s name is

to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Theodore Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining goodwill was by remembering names and making people feel important.


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Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

This is an easy way to become a good conversationalist.

People who talk only about themselves think only of themselves.

To be interesting, be interested. Remember that the people you are talking to are

a hundred times more interested in themselves than they are in you and your problems.


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How to win people to your way of thinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re

wrong.” If you are wrong, admit it quickly. Begin in a friendly way. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge.


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The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

“A man convinced against his opinion is of the same opinion still.”

You can’t win an argument because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.

This is because even if you have triumphed over the other person and shot his arguments full of holes, then what? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.


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Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.” –Galileo

“Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.” –Lord Chesterfield


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Be a leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every

improvement. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you

suggest.


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Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

No one likes to take orders. Instead of saying plainly “Do this or do that” try

“You might consider this” or “Do you think that would work?”.

A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors.

A technique like that saves a person’s face and gives him/her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.


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Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

This is a very good technique to spur people on to success.

“In the early nineteenth century, a young man in London aspired to be a writer. But everything seemed to be against him. He had never been able to attend school for more than four years. His father had been flung in jail because he couldn’t pay his debts, and this young man often knew the pangs of hunger. He had very little confidence in his ability to write. He worked in a rat-infested warehouse and slept at night in a small attic room with two other boys from the slums of the city. He used to mail his stories to publishing houses routinely. But everytime they were rejected. Story after story was refused. One day, one of his stories was accepted. He wasn’t paid a shilling for it, but one editor had praised him. He had given him a sense of recognition. He was so thrilled that he wandered aimlessly around the streets with tears rolling down his cheeks. Maybe you know him, he was….”


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Charles Dickens


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Thank You.

MADE BY:-Ribhu Vashishtha(NU-MBA Batch 2011-13)

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Leadership & Management

Transcript of How to Win Friends & Influence People