Grim Excerpt

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A N N A W A G G E N E R Grim


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Copyright 2012 by Anna Waggener

All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Press, an imprint of Scholastic Inc.,Publisherssince 1920. S , S P , and associated logos are trademarks

and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.

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New York, NY 10012.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available

ISBN 978-0-545-38480-3

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 12 13 14 15 16

Printed in the U.S.A. 23First edition, June 2012

The text was set in Adobe Caslon Pro.Book design by Whitney Lyle


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To Mom, for keeping my feet on the ground,

and to Dad, for showing me the stars.

Together you made me tall.

,


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Prologue

I love my youngest child more than the other two, and Godbless them but they all know it.

Its not that I dont love Rebecca or Shawn. I would die forthem let my ashes hit the ground a hundred times over. ButMegans special.

Shawn is so cold, so afraid to remember how things used tobe. And Rebecca she got her fathers temper, his habit ofburning and burying those around him. I hope that shes for-given me. That she still loves me. Ive never really been sure.

Maybe Im only skewed because of everything thats hap-pened. I mightve been a better mom if their father had been abetter dad. I mightve been a better person if my husband hadneeded a better wife. Ive never aspired to be much, myself, butI rise up to meet other peoples expectations. I cant help it.

So no, Ive never loved my children any less than a mother

should.Its just that I love Megan more.Meg. So different from her brother and sister. Theres so

much guilt when I watch her sleeping, but theres a kind ofpride, or maybe just relief, every time she laughs. Every timeshe promises to never, never change. Until youve been where

Ive been, you cant have any idea what a comfort that is.


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Chapter One

Shawn pulled up to the impound lot before the rain, while theair still felt tight in his throat.

Behind the chain-link fence, cars waited in perfect rows, windshields facing the parking lot like soldiers at attention. Heglanced to his left, where the small brick office sat, dark,locked, and shuttered, before leaning over to fish a set of sparekeys from the glove box. Panic slipped into his stomach whenhe straightened again and measured up the fence. All aroundhim, floodlights were throwing distorted shadows over theground, and a thought lurked in the back of his mind: a yell,and a night patrolmans heavy footsteps quickening to a run.Breaking and entering, they would say. He closed the door asquietly as he could.

Seriously, Becca. Every single time.Shawn hadnt expected better from her, but that didnt

make things any easier. Still, when the buzz of his phone star-tled him, he gritted his teeth and answered. What?

Hurry up, jerk. Rebeccas voice came through a haze ofbad reception.

Shawn snapped the phone shut and headed to the pad-locked gate.

Predictable. After all was said and done, he always endedup being the jerk.

The cuff of Shawns jeans snagged on his way over thefence, but that was the least of his worries. He shook himself


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free and dropped onto the dirt lot. Crouching down to be lessconspicuous, he hurried off to the left, where they kept newly

towed cars. He planned to tell Rebecca how pathetic it was forhim to know that. When his phone started humming again, he almost ignored

it hed already caught the gleam of Rebeccas Mustang any- way but even on vibrate, it made too much noise and heknew that shed just call again, over and over until he picked up.

What?Oh my God, Shawn, hurry.He straightened up and punched the unlock button, and

the cars lights flashed yellow through the dark. The Mustangstrunk popped open and his sister climbed out, all legs and toomuch skin, smoothing down her navy skirt. Shawn just shookhis head.

Rebecca doubled over to fluff out her long hair, the blondalmost silver in the dark. Took you long enough, she said.

Yeah, I guess.Jesus, its cold.Shawn knew, even without looking, that Rebeccas eyes

were on his jacket.

Yeah, he repeated. I guess.Shawn.Fine. He shrugged off the coat and handed it over.

Happy?Yessir. Now how are we getting out of here?Im parked out front.

No, I meanwe . Rebecca settled her palm on the Mustangsscarlet tail fin, fingertips caressing cold metal. She maintainedan unhealthy relationship with that 97, but at least she couldadmit it.


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Shawn crossed his arms. Im not breaking that out of here.Shawn!

What?If I dont come back with it, Mom willkill me.Well, if Mom gets in from work and finds Meg asleep and

no one else home , then well both be dead, Becca. So your carreally isnt my first priority.

Rebecca pouted. Id do it for you, Shawn.He shook his head and chafed his arms against the cold.Lemme call Matt, she said.Theres nothing he can do.Hes a captain, Shawn. He can do anything.Hes got a badge, Rebecca. That doesnt make him Batman.Rebecca stared at him, her eyes slit and her mouth hanging

open. Christ, youre lame.Hey, there. They both flinched at the voice. A high-

powered flashlight burst on, leeching all color from Rebeccasface. Shawn felt a stab of dj vu.

Dammit, Becca.Her palms were already flat in the air. I need to make a

call, she said. It came out so easily that Shawn knew it was

habitual. Making coffee in the morning. Chewing hangnailsuntil they hurt. Coughing up your Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card. All in a days work.

,

Erika emptied another packet of creamer into her coffee and watched the sandy powder fan out and settle. She dropped theplastic spoon into the trash bin. The gas stations fluorescent


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bulbs glared against white wall paint and spotted linoleumfloors, and oldies crackled out of a radio next to the cash regis-

ter. Erika recognized the two women behind the counter butdidnt know their names. Shed spent more time in this gasstation than shed like to admit, filling paper cups with strongcoffee and excessive sugar and praying that the jolt would beenough to get her home in one piece. It was the only store formiles, pedaling its gasoline seven cents too high and lightingitself up like the Empire State Building of U.S. Route 30.

An automated bell sounded as a fellow late-night travelercame in, and Erika looked over. A man in jeans and a blacksports coat strolled up to the counter.

How do I get to Atlantic City? he asked.One of the cashiers eyed him over the edge of her maga-

zine. You want directions, she said, you buy directions.You know, Im going to be in big trouble if I dont get to

Atlantic City soon, so if youd just point me in the right direc-tion Id be much obliged.

The other cashier arched one slow eyebrow. You wantdirections

I buy directions, he finished. Someones having a bad

day. And how much do you charge for telling me where themaps are?

She pointed a mulberry-colored fingernail at the rackbeside the coffee counter.

The man pivoted, eyes skimming over Erika. She offered asmall, sympathetic smile.

He gave her a second look. Have we met?He asked the question without malice, as if he really cared,

but hed come in with the late-for-a-business-meeting vibe of


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someone from the city, and Erika had gotten enough I-dont-know-you-so-why-are-you-smiling-at-me? looks in her life for

the question to put her on edge. Shed grown up in Pennsylvania,in the country, and had never been able to wrap her head aroundthe kind of logic that made pleasantries rude.

I dont think so, she said, looking back down at her triple-heated coffee. She was too tired to be talking to anyoneright now.

The man brushed past and pulled out one of the maps.He gave her a third look. When she caught him, he faked asmile.

Do you know how to get to Atlantic City?South to Walnut Street, she said. Then get on the

expressway. Forty minutes, tops.He sighed hard. No time, he said. Wheres the closest

hospital?Pomona. An awkward pause grew as Erika took her turn

looking him over and he pretended not to notice. She took thebait. Are you hurt?

No, he said. Just looking for sanctuary.Then I think youd be better off in a church. Plenty of

those.He smirked and ruffled his hair. Thanks, he said. Ill

keep that in mind.Erika paid for her coffee and left. As her car rumbled to

life, she glanced up and saw the man leaning back against thecounter with a thoughtful look on his face. He held a New

Jersey road map open in his hands, but his eyes were set on her.

,


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Police Captain Matthew Kingston felt his frown deepen. Hisbroad hands, nails too short, summer brown just fading, tight-

ened around the steering wheel. And you still call them yourfriends?Rebecca focused on the phone in her lap. Dark buildings

rolled past them as Matt guided his police cruiser down Hudson Avenue. Shawn had gone on ahead in his own car, anxious toget back to Megan and away from Rebecca.

We were just messing around, she said quietly.Matt groaned. Beck, he said. Getting into the trunk of

your car without your keys isnot messing around. Its practi-cally suicide. You couldve died.

I had my phone.He shook his head. You have to grow up someday.Rebecca nibbled her lips, looking sorry. Matt knew her

well enough to call the bluff.Whats on your mind?She shrugged. Whats on yours?How to revive your mother after the heart attack.Rebeccas neck snapped up so fast that Matt thought she

might get whiplash. Yourenot telling my mother.

Oh, really?Shell kill me!Shell take your car.Rebecca huffed.Ill tell her to, Beck. The sky opened up. Fat drops of rain smacked against the

windshield.Rebecca glared at the rivers forming on the glass and let her

voice go cold. You wouldnt.


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I would, said Matt. Look, Beck. Its been hard enoughgetting you out every time some party gets busted, and to clear

your record after that stunt with the water tower. Now youretrying to sneak into the drive-in with people who find it fun-nier to leave your car in a tow-away zone? What the hells next?

For the rest of the drive, Rebecca kept her legs crossed stiff lyat the knee, her mouth scrunched into a tight line. She watchedas the rubber wiper blades skimmed clear a double arch. Backand forth. Back and forth. Matt pulled to a stop in front of thehouse on Mission Street and looked sideways at Rebecca.

Ill be calling your mother, he said.Her grimace vanished when she turned to him, desperate.

Please dont.Go inside, Rebecca.Shell be pissy and well all have to deal with it. You too.Matt saw Shawn standing in the doorway of the house,

waiting like an angry father, his arms crossed and the hall lightthrowing him into silhouette. If Rebeccas own brother couldlook that embittered, the city police captain certainly had aright to.

Go inside, Rebecca, he repeated.

She got out. Fine.Good night, he said.Whatever.Matt gave a small laugh when Rebecca marched up the

steps and gave her brother a death look so exaggerated he couldcall it from behind. Hair sopping, but shoulders back and her

chin up like she owned him. Shawn shoved open the glassstorm door, and Rebecca breezed past without a word. Thedownstairs lights were all on in ten seconds, warm against therain. She really was her mothers daughter.


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,

Erika coasted down the highway, cursing under her breath.Her headlights turned the drizzle silver, so that the road lookedlike a mirror and a million flashes of light.

She hated driving in the rain. And driving at night. And thisempty stretch of highway, where the only sign of life came froman occasional farmhouse, porch light winking through the trees.

It was too late for her to be out, and she knew it. The over-time was killing her. She could feel the tension knots all alongher spine one for each sleepless hour, and another for eachcaffeine-fueled drive home.

She wanted to be home, in bed, asleep, without a stack ofunfinished reports in the backseat. She wanted to get the manfrom the gas station out of her head. Something about him madeher jumpy, but a promise flickered in his eyes that said he wouldnthurt her. That said he could become whatever she wanted.

In the passenger seat, her phone started glowing. Sheignored it.

If she finished the reports tonight, shed be done for the week. Or she could call in sick tomorrow and finish everything

at home. She could have dinner with her kids for once, insteadof leaving a twenty tacked to the fridge next to a list of take-out numbers. There was a chicken in the freezer. If she tookit out before bed, it would be thawed in time to make souptomorrow.

Her phone glowed blue again, playing a tinny version of

Beethoven.Dammit, Matt, she muttered. She kept telling him not

to call when she was driving, and he kept ignoring her. Shereached over to grab the phone.


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Light filled her windshield, white-hot and blinding.What the hell?

A car shot over the hill ahead of her, high beams on. It tooka few seconds for Erika to realize that it was in the wrong laneand picking up speed.

Shit. Her car fishtailed as she twisted the steering wheel, trying

to get off the road. The rain-slicked highway slid like oil underher tires.

The scream of her horn died when the two cars col-lided. Their metal bodies crumpled together like constructionpaper.

,

Rebecca zipped up her jacket and checked herself in the hallmirror.

And where are you going?She turned to look at her brother. Ashleys picking me up,

she said.At midnight?

Rebecca rolled her eyes. Yes, Shawn, at midnight.Why?Youre not my mother.Becca.Jesus, youre annoying. David still has my keys, okay? I

want them back.

Shawn couldnt help but stare. You dont have acar any-more, Becca. Dont you get that?

Oh my God, Shawn, shut up about the stupid car.


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You got it impounded, Becca. I know that youre not veryintelligent, but please tell me that you know what impounded

means.Mattll get it out tomorrow.And how will you get the money?Momll do it.Youre going to askher to pay?Well, yeah.Shawn saw the headlights of Ashleys car flash across the

front windows. He shrugged.Fine, he said. Do whatever you want.Rebecca gave him a dangerously sweet smile. Thanks,

she said. I plan to.She didnt lock the door on her way out.Shawn slouched against the wall, feeling sick to his stom-

ach. Even after seventeen years, hed never gotten over Rebeccaacting like a million-dollar bitch.

,

Rain drummed on the scrunched metal of the wreck, sounding

hollow. Jeremiah peered into the spiderwebbed window of theother car. He tapped the glass out of his way until a pile of dia-mond dust covered the pavement, then stepped back and foldedhis arms, thinking.

The woman from the gas station slumped against the wheel, a trickle of blood running from her hairline down her

cheek. The air bags almost looked like pillows, soft and plushas they began to deflate; she might have been asleep, except forthe blood. Jeremiah sighed and wiped his palms against his


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jeans. Air bag powder dusted everything, like the finest breathof snow hed ever seen. He shivered. The woods waited, call-

ing, as his brothers sped closer, by now in West Virginia andgaining speed. He knew that they could feel him. Jeremiah reached through the window.

,

Rebecca came back with her keys after three. The rain had letup and the whole night smelled of wet earth and grass. Some ofthe house lights were still on, waiting for her to come home.

Bit of a drive to Davids?She jumped. What are you doing up?Shawn twirled the cordless phone facedown on the coffee

table. Moms not home yet, he said.What?He repeated each word with added weight. Mom is not

home yet.Rebecca pursed her lips. After a second, Shawn realized

that she was stifling a laugh.Are you drunk? he asked.

She thought about it and then giggled, putting a fingerto her lips. Shh, she whispered. Maybe a little. She droppedher bag by the door and threw her keys on the table. They skid-ded over the glass to settle next to Shawns forearm.

Becca? he asked.Yeah?

Why are you such a fuck-up?She blinked at her little brother. Why would you say

something like that?


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Go to bed.Rebecca walked over to the couch and sank down next to

him. She leaned against his knee. Shawn tensed up at hertouch, but, as always, she didnt seem to notice. Her drink-ing never failed to carry the sting of their fathers whiskeybreath.

So wheres Mom? she asked.Shawn picked up the phone. I dont know. She wont

answer.Have you called Matt?She wouldnt be with him now.Why not? He was going to rat me out. She probably went

over there to cry.Why are you okay with that?Hell if I know, Rebecca said. Guess Im just a fuck-up.She took the phone and started punching keys.Are you calling Matt?Well, yeah, she said. Hes my guardian angel, isnt he?Shawn cracked his neck and knuckles. Youre a weird

drunk.Rebecca giggled. You should see me stoned. She wedged

the receiver between her chin and left shoulder so that shecould check her nails.

Shawn tipped his head to the side and listened to the muf-fled ring of a cell phone. Dyou hear that?

Rebecca put her finger to her lips again. Her face bright-ened as the line connected. Hey, Matt?

Open the door, Rebecca.She got up and went to the front door, phone still at her ear.

The Christmas wreath tinkled.


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Rebecca giggled again and turned off the phone. Goodtiming, she said. Mom get rained on? Ill grab a towel.

Matt took in the beads of water along the creases ofRebeccas jacket. He didnt miss the tang of cigarettes and dis-count beer.

Beck.What? Does she want her bathrobe?Rebecca, said Matt. Wheres Shawn?Shawns head popped around the edge of the door. Whats

up? Wheres Mom?Matts mouth opened too slow. Even tipsy, Rebecca

stiffened.Matt?Your mother, he said, so formal on the doorstep, facing

these two kids and their blank faces. Kids he cooked breakfastfor and gave birthday presents to. Kids he called by nicknamesand got out of trouble, not only because of their mother butbecause of them. Because they were Shawn and Beck. And Meg.Oh, Meg. Your mom was in an accident, Matt said. Im sorry.

Shawn put a hand on Rebeccas shoulder as she steppedbackward.

Is she okay? he asked. Is she in the hospital?Shawn . . . Matts words collapsed in his throat, folding

in on top of themselves in that too-small space. He looked atthe tiles in the hallway and then back up at two pairs of wideeyes, bottle green like Erikas. She didnt make it.

There was a long silence, and then Rebeccas jaw stiffened.

Thats not funny, Matt.Beck, please, he said, in a whisper close to begging.

Please dont make this harder.


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Her breathing came fast, with too many exhales, lungs des-perate. She covered her mouth, and then her eyes, and then

turned around and grabbed Shawns shirt with one hand. Itsnot it cant. Shawn.He hugged her. He couldnt remember the last time hed

hugged her, but he did now, clothes getting soaked by the rainon her jacket and hair. He stared at Matt like he neededsomething.

What happened? he asked, finally.Matt started to answer when Rebecca jerked away and

spun around again. I want to see her. The statement hung in the air before Matt cleared his

throat. I dont think thats a good idea, Beck. Ive already beendown. Its her.

I want to see her, she repeated. I want to see my mother.Shes not Matt. Her voice, spine, shoulders slipped, crumbled. Just

take me.Shawn tightened his grip on her arms. Becca Dont. She shoved away from her brother, brushed past

Matt, and stumbled down to the parked cruiser.

Shawn looked at Matt again. His thoughts were roll-ing in slow motion, but his heart punched hard againsthis ribs. I have to stay with Meg, he said. I cant leave heralone.

I know. Matt hesitated. His left hand jerked, like he wanted to reach out but stopped himself. We wont be long,

he said.

,


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Rebecca came back, with her mascara run to gray from rainand tears and her cheeks chapped red. Shawn let her push past

him on her way up the stairs. He heard her door thud shut atthe end of the hall.Ill stay, said Matt. You kids shouldnt be alone tonight.Shawn shut his eyes to quiet their burning. His building

pressure headache made the whole world foggy; he could feelhis body turning against itself, begging to split open. All hecould think of was his moms bedroom and how wrong it felt tointrude on this night, as if her things were mourning too.Dont take this the wrong way, he said, but I think we needthe space.

Matt gave Shawn a long look before reaching out to put ahand on his shoulder. Get some sleep, he said. Ill be back inthe morning.

Shawn waited for the cruisers taillights to disappear aroundthe corner before he locked the front door and headed to hisown room. He decided to let Megan sleep through to morning.She deserved that much.

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