Friendships & Professional Relationships

Chapter 9 – Interpersonal Communication

Agenda

– Discuss exam 1

– Discuss paper due next week

– Cover chapter 9 material

Words of encouragement…

“Every great achievement was once considered impossible.”

-Unknown

What are some rewards of having friendships? (Friendship or professional)

– Get into groups of two (work with someone you have not yet worked with yet).

– Generate a list of at least three rewards found within a friendship.

– Generate a list of at least three rewards found within a professional relationship.

– Be prepared to share with the class.

Social Relationships Bring Emotional Rewards– Friends provide us with at least two types of emotional rewards.

– One is emotional support, or encouragement during times of emotional turmoil.

– The second emotional reward of having friends is happiness.

Social Relationships Bring Material Rewards– A second way social relationships benefit us is by helping us meet

our material needs…

– Such as our needs for money, food, shelter, and transportation.

Social Relationships Bring Health Rewards– Good social relationships keep us healthy!

– One reason is that the happiness and relaxation close friendships provide help us to ward off the negative effects of stress.

– A second reason why having good friends helps us stay healthy is that friends can look out for our safety and well-being.

Need to Belong Theory

– A hypothesis that says each of us is born with a fundamental drive to seek, form, maintain, and protect strong social relationships.

– By belonging to a group, we feel as if we are a part of something bigger and more important than ourselves.

– In Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, belongingness is part of one of his major needs that motivates human behavior.

– This explains why humans generally care about self-presentation and social comparison (we want to fit in because we need others).

Attraction Theory

– Why are some people attracted to certain kinds of people while others are not?

– Similarity/attraction theory states that people like and are attracted to others who are similar, rather than dissimilar, to themselves– Birds of a feather flock together

Continued…

– Berscheid and Elaine H. Walster (1969) and Donn Byrne (1971) in general people are most attracted to others who share similar attitudes.

– Additionally people who share similar important attitudes (e.g., attitudes concerning home and family) are more likely to be attracted to each other than those who share less important attitudes (e.g., attitudes toward certain fabric softeners).

– Doesn’t mean you necessarily “like” the same things!

Why though?

– People want to know they are not alone in their beliefs.

– Other possible reasons suggested for why people prefer others who are similar to themselves are that – (1) knowledge of similar attitudes may help people to predict others’ future

behaviors, providing a predictive “window” into the other’s behavioral predilections, and

– (2) people may be more likely to assume that others who hold similar attitudes to themselves have a greater chance of being attracted to them, a “likeness begets liking” explanation.

What else?

– People are also attracted to others who manifest personality characteristics (e.g., optimism, self-esteem, shyness, conscientiousness) that are similar to their own.

– In fact people may choose to associate with certain others because they have similar personalities! – For example friends are more likely to share personality traits than non-

friends.

– Moreover, marital partners share more similar personalities than people in randomly assigned pairs. Indeed personality similarity may play a key role in marital happiness and longevity

What we know…

– Furthermore people are attracted to romantic partners who share similar physical characteristics and levels of physical attractiveness.

– Tall people are more likely to marry tall partners than short ones, and attractive people are more likely to marry attractive partners than unattractive ones.

Others areas…

– Research has also demonstrated that people report greater liking for and attraction to people who are like them in the following areas as well: – Socioeconomic status

– Religious beliefs

– Social habits (e.g., frequency of attending parties)

– Bad habits (e.g., drinking and smoking)

– Ethnicity

– Intelligence.

Four Factors of Attraction

– There are four especially powerful factors of attraction that research suggests:

– Personal appearance

– Proximity

– Similarity

– Complementarity– Wait, what about that last one? Is it contradicting what we have been

talking about?

Let’s talk about this more…

– Complementary refers to as benefits to ourselves because others provide a quality that we lack.

– The key to this, although, is that the people involved have to see their differences as positive just to get along!

– Shy people may be attracted to someone outgoing because that way the shy person can be more sociable.

Predicted Outcome Value Theory– States that people seek information in initial interactions and

relationships to determine the benefits of interpersonal relationships by predicting the value of future outcomes whether negative or positive.

– If a person predicts a positive outcome in the relationship this can lead to increased attraction, however if a person predicts a negative outcome then he or she would pursue limited interaction or possibly relationship termination.– Essentially: What can I get out of this? Nothing – I’ll move along then.

How researchers explained this…

1. Attraction increases as the predicted outcome value increases

2. Prediction of positive future outcomes leads to future interactions

3. Prediction of negative future outcomes ends future interactions

4. People focus and discuss topics in conversations that facilitate positive predicted outcomes (Uncertainty Reduction Theory)

Approach Behaviors

– Communication behaviors that signal one’s interest in getting to know someone.– How might you do this?

Avoidance Behaviors

– Communication behaviors that signal one’s lack of interest in getting to know someone.– How might you do this?

Social Exchange Theory (Similar to Predicted Outcome Value Theory)

– A theory predicting that people seek to form and maintain relationships in which the benefits outweigh the costs.– Group project example:

– Cost = Have to put a lot of work into pretending I like them.

– Benefit = We will work better together and I will be able to get a better grade.

The Five Primary Relational Maintenance Behaviors– Positivity: Acting friendly, being courteous, refraining from criticism

– Openness: Being willing to discuss your relationship

– Assurances: Expressing and stressing your faithfulness and commitment

– Social Networks: Introducing one person to your other friends, family members, and co-workers

– Sharing Tasks: Performing your fair share of the work in your relationship

Same-Sex Friendships

– Essentially, friendships among women tend to place greater emphasis on conversational and emotional expressiveness.

– Whereas men’s friendships focus on shared activities and interests.

Opposite-Sex Friends

– Research suggests that both men and women value those relationships as a chance to see things from each other’s perspective.

– Opposite-sex friendships can provide opportunities for men to be emotionally expressive and for women to enjoy shared activities that their same-sex friendships do not.

Discussion – In Groups

– If you are in a heterosexual relationship…

– Are you allowed to have a friend of the opposite sex?

– Possible?

– Jealousy?

– What about being friends with a past partner?

Rawlin’s Friendship Life Span Stages

– William Rawlins, a well-known communication scientist, studied thousands of friendships and set down a series of stages that each friendship usually progresses through.

Stage 1

– 1. Role-Limited Interactions: General public interactions governed by the rules of civility.

– In a nutshell…this means just stuff like learning someone’s name and general small talk.

– You are each still playing a role and not opening yourself up.

Stage 2

– 2. Friendly Relations: Moving beyond the rules of public interaction and into conversations that relates to someone else as a person, not just a job or role they are fulfilling.

– You learn more info about someone else, their likes and dislikes, whether they have any hobbies, etc.

Stage 3

– 3. Moves Toward Friendship: This involves spending more time with a person, usually in a group setting.

– And learning more intimate information.

Stage 4

– 4. Nascent Friendship: This is where the first elements of trusting begin to appear.

– Before this most of the things that were shared were just biographical facts, but now you begin to trust each other with more personal thoughts and ideas.

Stage 5

– 5. Stabilized Friendship: One where the participants have developed complete trust in each other.

– It involves both trusting behavior, which is any behavior that increases someone’s vulnerability to another, and trustworthy behavior, which is a response to trusting behavior that protects the vulnerability of the other person.

– People weigh the possible costs and rewards for disclosing personal information and use that to decide whether they will open up more or not.

Stage 6

– And if necessary…

– 6. Waning Friendship: The people have started to grow independent of each other.

– There is often less and less contact coupled with less sharing of information.

– The friendship can either be saved and moved back into a stabilized position or it can die.

Social Relationships in the Workforce– Having positive social relationships with co-workers increases job

satisfaction; Social relationships between superiors and subordinates can be very positive but are also complicated by the inherent power difference within them.

– Had any experiences?

What is interpersonal attraction?– A very generic term.

– Any force that draws people together to form a relationship (romantic or friendship).

Physical Attraction

– Attraction to someone’s physical appearance.

Task Attraction

– Attraction to someone’s abilities and dependability.

Social Attraction

– Attraction to someone’s personality.

Comparison Level

– A person’s realistic expectation of what the person wants and thinks he or she deserves from a relationship.

Comparison Level of Alternatives– A person’s assessment of how good his or her current relationship

is, compared with other options.

Over-Benefitted

– The state in which one’s relational rewards exceed one’s relational costs.

– Other person might end up leaving you.

Under-Benefitted

– The state in which one’s relational costs exceed one’s relational rewards.

– Essentially, you are doing all the work.

– You might leave them.