presents

with Chip Chipley

Narrator: Hello, this is Chip Chipley, and welcome to Male Grooming! We join an average father and son on their first camping expedition into the rugged wilderness just outside of their new town. Let's listen in:

Dad: “What's the matter, son? You don't seem to be enjoying your hearty bowl of Rugged Mountain Chili.”

Johnny: “Aw gee Dad, it's just that it's so hard being the new kid in town! Why, just the other day I happened by the grocer's, and there was Mr. Winnery. . .”

Winnery: “I don't know you kid, but I bet you're a hoodlum!”

Johnny: “Well what'd I do??”

Winnery: “Now don't you get smart with me young man! Didn't your father teach you any better??”* blah, blah, lecture, lecture, lecture*

Johnny: “So I went on to class and Mrs. Birchwood was acting awful funny too!”

Johnny: “Forty-eight”?

Mrs. Birchwood: “Now listen here sonny, the educators in your old town may have put up with that kind of language, but I certainly won't! You just march yourself down to the principal and explain yourself!”

Dad:(laughing) “Gee son, that all sounds terrible! But you know, moving to a new town is always an adjustment and this is no different. You'll see, soon everything will work out. Now let's go hunt some animals to extinction, what do you say?!”

Johnny: “O-kay Dad!”

Narrator: Back at home Johnny is unable to concentrate on his school work; the poor boy is just sick with worry.Is Johnny really on the verge of becoming just another punk like the school bully, Eric Sykes? Oh boy, that guy is trouble! What's a fella to do?

*a strange figure appears in Johnny's bedroom.

Magical Imp: “Did I hear you ask what you can do to prevent going down the wrong road?”

Johnny: “Say yes! But wait a minute- who are you, and how did you get in my room?”

Magical Imp: “I'm Professor Hygiene, and how I got here's not important; what we need to do is get you steered in the right direction!”

Narrator: Johnny is no dummy; by now he's getting a little suspicious of his new visitor, and understandably so.

Johnny: “Are you with the draft board?”

Professor Hygiene: “Never mind that! We're gonna teach these folks that you're an okay guy!”

Johnny: “That's what I need alright! How are you gonna do that?”

Professor Hygiene: “You see Johnny, what you do matters, right down to your male grooming habits! If you want to set these folks straight, what you need to do is change how you present yourself.Then they'll begin to see the real you!”

Johnny: (nodding enthusiastically) “Okay I'll do it!”

Professor Hygiene: “GOOD! Now come with me!”

Johnny: (looking dejectedly around the store)“You mean I have to change my personal style?”

Professor Hygiene: “Of course boy! How are your new friends ever going to see that stalwart young fellow inside, if you dressed how you really wanted?”

Johnny: (sighs) “Oh alright.”

Cashier 1 (in the background): “That sure is one strange kid, Margie, where'd he come from?.”Cashier 2(in the background):” Yeah, who's he talking to anyway? There isn't even anyone there!”

Narrator: We then follow our duo to the barber shop:

Johnny: “Say, what are we doing here? All of my friends back in Arborville really appreciated me, and never once mentioned a need to change my hair.”

Professor Hygiene: “ But you're not in Arborville any longer, son; as I said before, what you do here matters.”

Professor Hygiene:(less cheery now) “So just stop procrastinating and get on with it, kid.”

Johnny: (in a small voice) “ Yes sir.”

Barber: “Say kid, who're you talking to?”

Johnny: “What do you think, Professor Hygiene? Don't I look swell? Am I 'with it' yet?”

Professor Hygiene: “ Yech! Oh no, Johnny; for shame! That's the same haircut that bully Eric Sykes gets every Tuesday! With that, you'll soon be riding motor-bikes and tying tin cans to stray puppy-dogs' tails!No Johnny, that's not the one for you!”

Barber: “Hey kid, if your kooky imaginary friend wants a haircut, it's still 35 cents.”

Johnny: “How about this one, Professor? I sure don't think anything else could top it!”

Professor Hygiene: “Say! I think you're right, Johnny! Now let's try out the new you tomorrow, and see whether everyone's perception of you has changed!”

Girl on the Left: “Is this a new game, kid? Tell your friend to show himself.”Girl on the Right: “This kid is a hoot, Mary; we should invite him to join our youth group!”

Narrator: The next evening, Johnny's parents hold a dinner party to celebrate their move to the new town, and they invited some new friends.

Mrs. Birchwood: “Johnny sure has changed his attitude since last week; I'm sure you had something to do with it, Mr. Nicely.”

Dad: “Son, have you been behaving yourself at school?”

Johnny: (smiling and looking around)”It was all a matter of perception, Dad!”

This has been Chip Chippley with Male Grooming, reminding you to pick up some Rugged Mountain Chili at your local neighborhood grocer's today!

“Rugged Mountain Chili: it's the rugged mountaineer's friend in a can!”We now return you to tonight's regularly-scheduled program. . . .

We come into Chapter 7 with Fluticasone having a spaghetti break. Nope, nothing out of the ordinary going on here. . .

Yep, Jessie is still looking for work. They're in good shape, money-wise, so he can afford to wait for something less common to roll in.

Well, we have the candy-making machine(again courtesy of one of the losing heir-poll siblings), might as well put Jessie to work improving his cooking skill on it.Looks like Jessie has either discovered the wonders of chocolate, or discovered something really, REALLY foul.Which is it, Jessie?“Clam-&-beet filling is a 'no',”Jessie gagged, eyes watering.

Loki's home from work and has decided to catch up with his friends, starting with Quinten McAuley.“Yeah and so I told the guy in the lobster suit, 'Man, if you're gonna feed me queso-dip- ' What's that drip? Gotta call you back Quinten, I think the venom-spitting gilla monster- nevermind, call you back!”

On this episode of 'What's Fluticasone Eating,' she finds herself oddly compelled to have a slice of cheesecake, right Fluticasone?“I feel oddly compelled,” she repeated as she chewed blankly.

A short while later. . .Why'd you stop playing chess, Fluticasone?“My stomach feels funny,” she replied distractedly, “what happened to my dress? Also, that little toy xylophone smells like something. . Cabbage and sausages, I think.”All(well most of that) will become clear soon enough!

Eeeek! It's Naproxen Sodium! Hiii Naproxen!! *fan-girls the rest of the way out(I just love it when one of my sims does a walk-by, and he was an heir-poll sim.)

Is this going to be business-as-usual at Trailer Towers?

Apparently so! Oh Grandpa!

It's Loki's birthday into elderhood tonight, and he made a batch of stuffed rainbow trout to celebrate!

“That trout was the bomb Mrs. F,” Jessie said politely.However, Tootie was a million miles away, in her thoughts.

“Actually that was my doing,” Loki corrected him.

“I'm back from plucking my back-hair, what'd I miss?” Tootie said loudly as she sat back down.“I think it's pronounced 'da bomb', dear, but that was nice of you anyway,” Fluticasone added.“You're right of course Flutie; you're so smart, the best daughter ever!” Tootie smiled fondly.

“Hey, can I get cake or what?!” Loki asked over the din.

Fine yes, cake it is. But let's give him the one I usually reserve for babies & toddlers. Because, why not? It's not as though he'll remember it in a few days anyway. :-)

“Grumble, grumble baby cake,” Loki pouted.

Scarcely had the breath left Loki's mouth when Jessie was ready to move on to other things.“That was fun, let's all go see what's on t.v.!” he said with enthusiasm.

“Goooo popsicle-hair!!” Tootie cheered, “I'm gonna be younger than you!! Woooo!”

Aww. . Lookit the cute elder! Who's a cute old man?? Who is it?? It's Loki!Tootie is so ecstatic that he got older first, that she's still cheering.

As a bonus though, Loki's aspiration level as an adult was “Savant Supreme”!

Meanwhile, over in the “fancy” dining room. . .*snorts, shaking her head to clear away the fog of sleep

“Where is everyone? I hope I didn't miss anything important.”

Sneak, sneak, sneak! Who's that a-sneaky-sneaking?Why, it's our burglar for the evening, Chloe Gonzaga.

Hello Chloe, how are ya?

With every alarm in the house blaring discordantly, the daring police woman comes to our rescue!FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Ohmigosh! Where is our precious family? Are they safe??They're perfectly safe. They couldn't give two shints.

In fact, they all slept through the entire show.

Off to jail with ya, Chloe! You done broke the law.Let that be a lesson to all aspiring burglars: basements are not a wise place to try and steal from.

For helping to catch this vicious, blood-thirsty criminal, we were rewarded with $500!Heart gate! Why did you not protect us?! You have failed us unspeakably, heart gate.

Still sleeping? Yep. Through the house alarms and the car alarm both.

The adults may not have woken up but the baby sure did! Fluticasone has been surprised out of bed by her second “pop”!

Jessie was then disturbed from his sim-ly slumber as his wife went back to sleep.“I had a bad dream we were burglarized! It was scary!” he wept childishly and wiped his eyes.There, there Jessie. Chug yourself a glass of warm milk and then go back to bed.*sniffles “Okay,” he whined.

Meanwhile Tootie awoke and made it to the top of the basement stairs before having her existential meltdown.“I d-d-dreamed we were ROBBED!!” She wailed messily, snotting all over her face.Weird how everyone's having that dream.

Later, after Jessie roused himself, we found him in their third-floor bathroom, blubbering obscenely into the sink.“We REALLY DID have a burglar!!” he wailed as he put all the puzzle pieces together, “My collection of celebrity A.B.C. gum is gone from it's little silver pillow!” There, there. Now go find a job okay?“Okay,” he pouted grudgingly.

We find Tootie in the kitchen, about to “omelet” those crocodile tears away, all by herself.(As in without any prompting from me.)

The question is, how many is she making?

Selfishly, just the one.“HEY, my toad-spawn stew is gone too!” Jessie exclaimed.

All better grandma?“Yesh,” she replied through a mouthful of pureed monkey.

After breakfast, a little time spent with one's new son-in-law is supposedly quite healthy.“I'm gonna cream you at the next corner, sonny-boy! That chainsaw is mine-all-mine!” Loki declared as he rounded a corner in their SSSX3 game of Ski Slope of Murder 19'.“Not if I get those rocket-boosters first, gramps!” Jessie replied through bared teeth.“Ooh! Look! A sandwich!! Get it honey!” Tootie cheered her husband.

We find that Fluticasone has snuck up to the third floor to call her brother Losartan with a special, super-secret party to plan. . . .“Hey bro, wanna get everyone together for mom's birthday? There'll be cake!” she said in a teasing, sing-song voice.“Sure! You want us to bring the rubber birthday-paddle like last time?” He replied from the other end.

Later that day. . .“Oh look, Naproxen- I mean my boys are here for a visit!” Tootie exclaimed happily, although she was quick to disguise the true source of her joy. 'Good thing that didn't get out,' she thought gratefully.'Stupid-tupid Naproxen Sodium,' Ibuprofen and Losartan thought simultaneously, jealously pouting.“Hey! My two best friends!” Naproxen Sodium greeted his brothers.

“I know it's my birthday,” Tootie explained, “ but here, we've decided to give you kids all of the left-over furniture from Freshnfruity Castle. Weird how it all just showed up in our inventories like that,” Tootie mused as she handed Ibuprofen a package with part of the furniture.“Whoa! Just what we needed!” he gasped.

Tootie handed another portion of the furniture to another son.“Yeah! Thanks, mom!” Naproxen Sodium cheered as he took the package.“It's full of old boots!”Tootie revealed giddily, unable to contain herself.“Uh, yeah thanks,” Losartan echoed disappointedly, “We broke off from the girls ages ago and what we need most right now is a pile of old boots!” he agreed sarcastically.“Don't be silly, your father has more,” Tootie corrected him.

So Losartan went to find their father to(literally) pick up the remainder of the old castle's furniture.“Yep, here you go kid; some more old boots plus . . other stuff. I guess I should just let it be a surprise.”“Oooh, I think I got a bigger pile than my brothers!!” Losartan realized gleefully.

“Where's your brother? Where's Nitroglycerin? Why isn't my tenth kid here??” Loki demanded to know.Losartan tried to play it off casually.“Well you know, he's been feelin' kinda down lately, about the whole castle thing. But hey, let's get on to mom's birthday cake, what'd ya say??”

“What?! Why would he feel bad??” Loki asked, cocking his head to one side curiously.“Come on dad, you know, cake?” Losartan tried again to distract his dad, without success.“You tell me, Jr. What does my son have to do with this crap-fest of a house, and that filthy Onoshi D'nt??” Loki demanded again. “Let's just not talk about it today okay dad? Let's just enjoy mom's birthday,” Losartan said coaxingly, finally settling Loki down.

Losartan needs to get himself out of the war-zone and fast! Fortunately for him there's a drum-set on the roof. :-)

. . .And dearest Tootie has gone to catch a nap in the third floor playroom.

On the second floor, Loki preps the birthday turkey(perhaps injecting it with truth serum), while his winning Fluticasone snores into her t.v. dinner-lunch.

Annd on the first floor, Jessie and Ibuprofen are just keeping themselves entertained.

Hooray! I got them all together for a meal; the dinner's ready and the turkey's looking- HEY what turkey?! You savages! That bird didn't last two seconds!

Well then let's just move along to the cake. . . .Woman, why have you not blown out your candles?? Let's peek into her thoughts: 'Naproxen doesn't have a party favor! HOW did we forget to give him one? This is so embarrassing!'“Just blow out your candles, ma! It's gettin' dark already!!” Ibuprofen yelled out.

“So did you boys hear about the duck that fell into the barbecue sauce?” Loki asked, totally unaware that his wife was finally blowing out her candles.“Turn around Dad! Mom's birthday!” Ibuprofen and Losartan yelled at him.

“Hooray Ma!! You got OLD!” Naproxen Sodium cheered.“My shirt feels funny,” Tootie said with her head cocked, “where am I?”

As an adult, Tootie achieved the aspiration level of Family Rock!

“BIRTHDAY PILLOW-FIGHT!!” Jessie's voice rang off the walls as he smacked Loki with a pillow.“Who is that pretty red-haired man?” Tootie sighed dreamily as she complacently watched Jessie attack her husband.“D'ya think it's possible that the cake stole Mom's mind as well as her age?” Losartan asked Ibuprofen. “It's a sad, terrible crime,” Ibuprofen agreed sagely.

Fluticasone is not doing so hot in over-all mood. Things could get ugly(for real)if we don't fix her up QUICK!Get your happy butt to the energizer, honey-child!“You're making me run the wrong way!” She protested, “ I wanna say goodbye to my brother!”

GET-IN -THERE-OR -YOU'LL -BE -SAYING -GOOD-BYE -TO -EVERYONE!“Okay okay, sheesh calm yourself,” Fluticasone said as she began to climb into the Eclectic and Enigmatic Energizer. Then she paused on the step. “What about my baby? What about gamma radiation?? What about-”Just. Get. In. “Alrighty.”While she's doing that, let's see what your husband is up to. My Jessie senses are all tingly.

Well! Jessie has finally gotten a job! For the moment he's going to go off and be an Adventurer.Lookit how happy he is!

“Heh- heh?”Jessie laughed uncertainly, forcing a smile.

Up on the third-floor deck, let's just make sure Fluticasone hasn't fried herself, as opposed to starving, as she was about to do. Because this contraption looks totally safe. “This tiiiiiiiicckkkles!! Ohhh my daarrrllinngg Clementiiinneee!!” She sang.

Yep, we're good.

Back down on the first floor, we end this party with Losartan showing off his sassy piano moves for the birthday-lady. “Thar's a HOLE in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, Thar's a HOLE in the bucket, dear Liza A HOLE!”“Sing it again!” Tootie clapped.

And waaayy out at the back of the back yard, Ibuprofen plays backup on the Rock Hammer guitar. In the dark. By himself. So super-cool!

“Na-na na-na, they say it's your birth-day!. . .” he sang.

Finally about 1:00 a.m. (Sims time) they all decided to call it a night. Say good night, Fernando Flamingo, even though you're hiding behind Naproxen Sodium!

* Squawk! *

Good Jessie! You cleaned up the party-mess without me even telling you to!“Woof,” he replied.

Even after getting her therapeutic buzz from the energizer, Fluticasone still got a little craving for bass at 2:00 a.m.

At 4:20 a.m. We have Fluticasone's first official labor-pains! “Oowwwww!! I'm not EVER doing THIS agaiinnnn!!” she screamed and huffed in agony.

That's what you think, schweet-heart. . .“* snort *, I'm gonna go blow bubbles if you're going to keep me up like that,” Jessie said from beneath the covers.

True to his word, Jessie is outside on the bubble-blower while his second child is being born.“Oh no, not two babies?!” Fluticasone screeched in astonishment from inside the house.

“”M-m-mmph!” Jessie cheered with his mouth still in the machine.

“I'll have to put you on the floor so I can have your brother,” Fluticasone sighed exhaustedly.These twin boys are the first miraculous treasures of the second generation of Freshnfruitys!

Meet Elrod(on the floor)and Skeeter Freshnfruity!

“I'm a DADDY!!” Jessie cheered when he came back inside.

Then Loki became aware of his grand-kids.“HOORAY!! YEAH! GOOO ELROD!! Ewww- ELROD?!

Yes, Elrod! This generation will be named hillbilly-themed names!

At least Jessie knows his daddy-duties when the baby gets there!He fed Elrod all by himself. Awww. . . .

“Grandpa Loki is excited about the babies too!” Loki gushed to baby Skeeter.“Geeee- * choke, choke burble *” Skeeter replied as his grandpa distractedly squirted formula down the wrong little baby pipes, causing him to flail around.

What else is going on around the trailers? Ah, Mr. Jessie is headed off to work, looking extra-fabulous.

You go Jessie! Work that busted-up old diving suit!We'd better check back in with grandpa. . .

This isn't something you see every day!Grandpa, where did you put your grandson?

“Mmm. . . mangoes in tartar-sauce,” Loki replied in a distracted daze.

Oh. Well Skeeter's right there. On the floor.Good place for a baby; carry on staring at the wall then.

We won't bother you any further, Loki.

However, come time for the twins' first diaper-change, Grandma and Grandpa handled things nicely.So, we can forgive that last mis-step?

Whilst ruling over the school-district as an Education Minister, Loki got a wild-card!He chose to put the new Bixby Rabbit spelling game in all of the computers, saving vocabulary scores and getting a $45,000 reward as a result!

“Honey! Lil' Skeeter has a painting of Van Gogh's Starry Night in his navel!” Grandma Tootie exclaimed as she stood gawking into her grandson's belly button.“Quiet ma, you're scaring Elrod!” Fluticasone shushed her from the nursery.

“So how're the kidletts?” Loki asked that evening, “have ya tried hand-cuffing them to their cribs yet?”“Oh dad!” Fluticasone smiled through her mouthful of hot dog.

“Just saying, you know, why can't you have them three at a time?” Loki suggested, “I've heard they come out with green faces when there's three of them.”“Because of whatever that magical thing is that keeps us from having more than two at once, or say, keeps the men-folk from getting pregnant,” Fluticasone explained.“You mean the green faces thing was all a buncha horse-hockey?” an astonished Jessie asked.

“Well time's a-wastin' my pretty young daughter, you just remember that!” Loki commanded.“Oh we're on it dad, trust me we're on it!” Fluticasone assured him.

After that dinner of hot dogs and T.M.I., Jessie decided to stay up awhile and philosophize internally over a game of darts. Ah, darts help when one's thoughts need sorting. It's also kind of a bonus that his fun-bar will go up .

Jessie comes in from darts to discover both of his sons have made poopies and are screaming bloody he** from their cribs.

So why is he so dang-doodly happy?

It turns out Jessie knew a little something we didn't! Skeeter and Elrod are becoming toddlers tonight!

Grandma Tootie takes Mr. Elrod to his cakey while Grandpa and Mama look on.“Woo- *cough * – Hoo,” Loki cheered from the sidelines.

No words can do this justice right now. Has anybody ever wanted tip a stork? Presenting Elrod, the blessed toddler! Feel that freaking glow. . .

. . .The first child was of most wond'rous beauty. .

Now it's Skeeter's turn! No pressure, kid!

What, TWO toddlers so mouth- gapingly beautiful?? Well yeah, I guess they are twins.Presenting Skeeter, the other blessed toddler, so bald and mighty!

What will they all get up to in Chapter 8? We all must wait and see!

. . .And the second child was pretty sweet too!