by Rebka

For Her

Their faces were only inches apart. She was holding her breath, hoping this wasn’t another dream. Of course, she knew, it couldn’t be. He was way too real for this to be a dream.

He found himself hypnotized by her gaze, even though he knew he shouldn’t be. In the short amount of time he’d known her, she’d become his everything. She was his every thought, his every dream, his every breath. Of course, there were other things he thought of. But she was always there, in the back of his mind.

She tried to calm her nerves as their lips brushed the tiniest bit. It was all she could do to keep from just kissing him.

They both closed their eyes at the same time.He jumped back suddenly, turning away from her,

unable to look her in the eye.She wondered what she’d done wrong. Did her breath

smell? Should she have just kissed him instead of letting him decide what happened? She didn’t know whether that even qualified as a kiss; their lips barely touched.

“Um, that, really shouldn’t have happened,” he mumbled, blushing. He couldn’t believe he’d ever let anything like that happen.

“Yeah…no, you’re totally right,” she replied, mustering up an unconvincing half smile. They were both avoiding each other’s eyes, but she longed to look at his face, wanting to know what emotion he was feeling. “That…that was…wrong.” She could barely say the words.

She wanted to believe it was wrong, but at that moment all she wanted was to tell him everything she felt, and for him to feel the same way. Obviously that wasn’t going to happen now.

She took a couple steps away from him, to his relief. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have-” she started to say, but he interrupted her.

“No, no, don’t be sorry. It’s all my fault.” He truly believed it was all his own fault, and that she was completely innocent. She would always be innocent; at least when it came back to this particular incident, and he knew why.

Although he denied it constantly, he knew at that moment in time he was in love with her. But it was wrong, and he knew it. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself fall in love with her, but as they spent more time together, he found himself sinking deeper and deeper until he was in a hole so deep he’d never get out. Every minute spent with her was like a poison, but instead of it ruining his own life, he knew it would ruin hers. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, do that to her.

She’d find someone else to fall in love with, someone that was right for her in every way. It would kill him to know she’d fallen for someone else, but he had to accept it; for her.

And eventually, in time, he could get over her and find someone else. He pushed aside the fear that no one else would ever measure up; he couldn’t think like that, otherwise no one could measure up.

As she walked out the door, his heart broke with every step she took. But he held himself together, because he couldn’t let her know. He couldn’t let her know that he loved her, because nothing about them could be right.