Fact Sheet 10 - Mentoring Boys_1

7/28/2019 Fact Sheet 10 - Mentoring Boys_1

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This fact sheet will outline some challenges with mentoring boys and

suggested strategies to assist you in mentoring boys.

Boys are faced w i th many cha l lengesa long the road to adu l t l i f e . Be ing be t te r

equ ipped as a mento r w i th the r igh t too ls ,

a t t i t u d e a n d p a t i e n c e c a n f a c i l i t a t e

growth , conf idence and greate r se l f

awareness in your mentee .

Boys mov ing th rough p r imary schoo l to

secondary educat ion are dea l ing w i th

puber ty , pee r re la t ionsh ips , expecta t ions

o f t h e i r f a m i l y , t e a c h e r s a n d s o c i e t y ,

a long w i th the hope o f appear ing coo l a ndin contro l a r o u n d g i r l s . A l l t h i s i s g o i n g

on wh i ls t tes tos te rone surges th rough

the i r deve lop ing bod ies , increas ing the

l ike l ihood o f mak ing r i sky dec is ions .

You r p i vot a l ro l e c a n p res ent your m en t ee

w i th the conf idence to s tee r h is mora l

compass and create a fu ture that he is

exc i ted about .

youthmentoring.org.auFactsheet compiled by Danielle Bayes on behalf of the Australian Youth Mentoring Network 2010.

While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this document the Youth Mentoring Network accepts no l iability of any

loss or damage associated with its use. Mentors should always refer back to their program’s polices and procedures for further clarification.

Great WebsiteGreat WebsiteGreat WebsiteGreat Website ---- Mentoring BoysMentoring BoysMentoring BoysMentoring Boys————http://www.mentor ingboys.com

Factsheets for Mentors

Mentoring Boys

Introduction to Mentoring Boys



Gender DifferencesChal lenges fac ing boys today inc lude :

• With increas ing d ivo rce ra tes and low

numbers o f male teachers , boys have

less ava i lab le male ro le mode ls in

the i r l i f e than g i r l s .

• Boys have lower leve ls o f l i te racy

l e v e l s t h a n g i r l s .

• Boys are more l ike ly to s t rugg le w i th

t h e t r a d i t i o n a l e d u c a t i o n a l

env i ronment . They p re fe r educat ion

that p repares them fo r emp loyment .

(T rent and S lade , 2002)

• More boys than g i r l s a re d iagnosed

w i th ADHD.

• Boys are th ree t imes more l ike ly than

g i r ls to d ie f rom a l l causes combined

e s p e c i a l l y a c c i d e n t s , v i o l e n c e a n d

su ic ide (F le tcher , 1995) .

Gender d i f fe rences be tween boys and g i r l s

means your approach to mento r ing boys

shou ld be d i f fe rent :

• Boys are much more l ike ly to have

poor aud i to ry p rocess ing (mak ing/

in te rp re t ing mean ing out o f wo rds ) . I f

th is may be an issue , s low down and

use sho r te r sentences . Wai t unt i l you

fee l you can p rogress . (B iddu lph ,

2003) .

• Boys ’ bod ies have 30% more musc le

b u l k t h a n g i r l s , a n d a s s u c h n e e d t oexe r t a lo t more energy (B iddu lph ,

2003) .

• Boys usua l l y go th rough puber ty la te r

t h a n g i r l s . D u r i n g pu b e r t y h i g h l e ve l s

o f t e s t o s t e r o n e i m p a c t b o y s ’

behav iour f rom be ing d iso rgan ised ,

energe t ic and angry .

• Ado lescent boys are more l ike ly to

e n g a g e i n r i s k t a k i n g b e h a v i o u r t h a n

g i r l s .

• The par t o f the b ra in wh ich l inks the

le f t and r igh t s ide is p ropor t iona l l ysmal le r in boys . However , the r igh t

s i d e o f t h e b r a i n h a s m o r e

c o n n e c t i o n s , s p e c i a l i s i n g i n

movement , emot ion and space and

reason ing .

• Boys speak fewer words a day than

g i r l s .

• Boys are compet i t i ve by nature ; g i r l s

a r e m o r e c o n c e r n e d a b o u t

re la t ionsh ips .

Tips for Female MentorsThe ro le o f an o lde r male is impor tant and

e x t r e m e l y b e n e f i c i a l , h o w e v e r e a c h

mentees needs must be taken in to

cons ide rat ion and the most appropr ia te

match regard less o f gender shou ld be

s e l e c t e d . C u l t u r a l s e n s i t i v i t i e s a n d

parenta l invo lvement may in f luence th is

issue as we l l .

• I f you are a female mento r , do no t

b r ing your p re jud ices about males to

the re la t ionsh ip .

• Keep communicat ion sho r t and to the

po in t , do no t ove rwhe lm your mentee

w i th quest ions and words .

• Cons ide r the ro le o f your re la t ionsh ip ;

i t w i l l p rov ide your mentee w i th an

e x p e r i e n c e o f a r e s p e c t f u l a n d

product ive par tne rsh ip w i th a female

outs ide o f h is fami l y .



More information for MENTORS can be found on the

AUSTRALIAN YOUTH MENTORING NETWORKAUSTRALIAN YOUTH MENTORING NETWORKAUSTRALIAN YOUTH MENTORING NETWORKAUSTRALIAN YOUTH MENTORING NETWORK Website under the Information for

Mentors page yyyyoooouuuutttthhhhmmmmeeeennnnttttoooorrrriiiinnnng gg g....oooorrrrg gg g....aaaauuuu/ // /iiiinnnnf ff foooo----f ff foooorrrr----mmmmeeeennnnttttoooorrrrssss....hhhhttttmmmmllll

• Genuine ly l i s ten . Be present to whatyour mentee is say ing when he

speaks , don ’ t be p repar ing your

rep ly . Watch out fo r the non ve rba l

cues and read be tween the l ines .

• U s e q u e s t i o n i n g c a r e f u l l y , d o n ’ t

p robe . Be fo re ask ing quest ions

prov ide t ime and space fo r h im to

share h is thoughts and fee l ings .

• S i l e n c e i s n o t a l w a y s a b a d t h i n g ; i t

may suggest that your mentee fee ls

comfo r tab le .

• Fo l low your mentees lead on the

amount o f eye contact to use .

• F idge t ing can he lp boys dea l w i th

s t ress and anx ie ty , be t te r no t to

e x p e c t t h e m t o s i t s t i l l .

• A l l o w h i m t i m e t o p r o c e s s

in fo rmat ion/ fee l ings .

• Acknow ledge h is fee l ings , do no t

d ismiss them.

• Boys need s t ructure . In par tne rsh ip

deve lop a schedu le , rout ine o r

r i tua ls fo r the length o f your fo rmal

re la t ionsh i p . Take on h is ideas and

work as a team to keep on t rack .

• Prov ide an env i ronment in wh ich your

mentee fee ls sa fe to open up about

fee l ings . Rathe r than ask ing a

genera l quest ion about fee l ings , t r y

u s i n g a r a t i n g s c a l e a s a t o o l t o

share h is in tens i t y of fee l ings . E .g .

1 – s l igh t l y upse t to 5 – ve ry ang ry .

• Re ject the t rad i t iona l v iew o f men as

t o u g h , s t r o n g a n d b e i n g

d isconnected f rom fee l ings , and

embrace mascu l in i t y as courageous ,

e m p a t h et i c a n d s e n s i t i v e .

• I f asked fo r adv ice o f fe r op t ions and

gu ide your mentee th rough the

prob lem so lv ing p rocess so that he

can be empowered to make h is own

in fo rmed dec is ion .

• P r o b l e m S o l v i n g : i d e n t i f y t h e

p r o b l e m , b r a i n s t o r m s o l u t i o n s ,

dec ide on a p lan and fo l l ow up .

• I n s t i l c o n f i d e n c e i n h i s s t r e n g t h s ,

u s i n g t h e m t o o v e r c o m e h i s

weaknesses .

• When matched w i th a boy w i th ADHD

t r y a n d r e f r a m e c h a l l e n g i n g

b e h a v i o u r. T h e i r u n i q u e s t r e n g t h s

can be embraced and deve loped .

• Encourage fun and laughte r in the

r e l a t i o n s h i p .

Communicating

with Boys

Strategies to Build the Relationship

• Use ve rba l (oh , yes , mmm) and non

verba l (nod head , lean fo rward ) cues

to show you are l i s ten ing , wh i le

p rov id ing space and t ime fo r h im to

share .



References & Further Information• Aust ra l ian Youth Mento r ing Ne twork — www.youthmento r ing .o rg .au

• Mento r ing Boys — www.mento r ingboys .com/

• Boys ’ learn ing . Research group on men and fami l ies w i th Dr Pe te r West—

www.boys learn ing .com.au/

• Biddu lph , S , 2003 , Rais ing Boys , 2 n d Ed i t ion , F inch Pub l ish ing , Sydney .

• Biddu lph , S , 1995 , Manhood , F inch Pub l ish ing , Sydney .

• Faber , A and Maz l ish , E , 2004 , How to Ta lk so K ids Wi l l L i s ten and L i s ten so K ids

Wi l l Ta lk , Harpe r Co l l ins Pub l ishe rs , New Yo rk .

• F le tcher , R , 1995 , A us t ra l i an M en and B oys: a p i c tu re o f he a l th? Depar tment o f

Hea l th Stud ies , Un ive rs i t y o f Newcast le .

• House o f Representat ives Stand ing Commit tee on Educat ion and T ra in ing , 2002 ,

Boys : Ge t t ing i t R igh t , Repor t on the inqu i r y o f the educat ion o f boys ,

Commonweal th o f Aust ra l ia , Canber ra .

• MacDonald , B , 2005 , Boy Smar ts : Mentor ing Boys a t Schoo l . Mento r ing P ress .

• Roya l Ch i ld ren ’s Hosp i ta l , ADHD - an Overv iew — www. rch .o rg .au/k ids in fo/

factshee ts .c fm?doc_ id=3713

• Trent , F and S lade , T , 2002 , Dec l in ing ra tes o f ach ievement and re tent ion : the

percept ions o f ado lescent ma les , Repor t to the Depar tment o f Educat ion , T ra in ing

and Youth A f fa i rs , Commonweal th o f Aust ra l ia , Canber ra .

youthmentoring.org.au

• Treat your mentee as a young adu l t

no t a boy .

• Prov ide lo ts o f spec i f i c p ra ise ; focus

on e f fo r t and use descr ip t i ve words .

“Sam, the caree r mind map you

deve loped was ve ry o rgan ised and

i n s i g h t f u l ” .

• Show your fee l ings and encourage h im

to exp ress h is .

• Dur ing your t ime toge the r t r y and

under take an act iv i t y (go fo r a wa lk )

where poss ib le , th is t ype o f

e n v i r o n m en t i s m o r e l i k e l y t o l e a d t o

conversat ion . “Movement he lps the

bra in to p rocess

emot ions” (MacDona ld , 2009) .

• Rather than negat ive ly c r i t i c ise ,

p r o v i d e c o n s t r u c t i v e c r i t i c i s m w i t h t h e

a i m o f b u i l d i n g h i m u p .• Be an advocate fo r h is learn ing and

educat ion .

• When poss ib le meet a t a t im e o f day

when your mentee is a t h is best ;

morn ings may add an ex t ra cha l lenge

i f your mentee is s t i l l as leep !

Tips for .

Success

Fact Sheet 10 - Mentoring Boys_1

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