Equilibrium by Elizabeth Abraham

8/6/2019 Equilibrium by Elizabeth Abraham

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JOY

I once sat in a Christian gathering where joy was defined as innerhappiness and happiness as gladness that comes from happenstance.We were then urged to have joy and not happiness.

I was kind of confused and decided to look up the meaning of eachword in the dictionary. Oxford dictionary defines joy as:-1. a feeling of great happiness or pleasure2. a person or thing that gives one happiness or pleasure3. success or satisfaction

The first two definitions talk about joy having to do with happinessand the last mentioned satisfaction.

Now, to happiness. The dictionary (Oxford) describes happy fromwhich happiness is derived as:1. feeling or expressing pleasure, contentment2. feeling satisfied that something is good, right3. full of joy4. pleased or very willing to do something5. fortunate, lucky

6. well suited to the situation, pleasing

Prior to the occasion that sparked this research, I tried to be joyful(since the Bible commands it, 1Thessalonians 5:16 Be joyful always)by being excited by things. I would talk about a thing (small or bigbut mainly the small things, remembering to thank God for smallmercies!), viewing the different ways in which it could have goneawry. The exercise itself was not bad I suppose. The bad part waswhat happened afterward. The `high` would suddenly drop and itseemed the higher I went, the harder, more mercilessly the low wouldrush at me. Always, it came unannounced. Then would begin thestruggle to shake off the spirit of depression.

The depressed state was terrible. For then, my whole born-again lifewould readily present itself before me. And all I would see were thetrials, the tribulations. Then I would say to Almighty God, Lord,You know I love You dearly but why are the easy moments so fewand far between? And they only last . a moment?


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In the midst of the brooding, the Holy Spirit, in lovingcompanionship would show me Gods unfailing faithfulness throughall the trials and I would become peaceful . for a while.

I needed to put an end to the yo-yo surges of happiness and itsalternate emotions. It caused a lot of wear and tear on my faith. Sowhen joy and happiness came in that gathering, I decided to do alittle studying of my own. I arrived at the following:

1. Many are the afflictions of the righteous (though he/she is notin it alone)

2. I must live a life that is praise to God3. My soul must keep her joy

So, for my life to praise God, my soul must be joyful through theafflictions that a Christian must face as he/she walks through an alienworld.

I thought real hard about joy and remembered King Davids prayerin Psalm 51 vs 12Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me by Yourgenerous Spirit. (New King James Version).

It came to me as I thought about this prayer that my joy lies in the

salvation given me by Jesus. I remembered that salvation is not onlyforgiveness of sins but also, the pleasure of having a relationship withthe God of all powers, of knowing His thoughts for me are onlythoughts of good, that He is with me every step of the way till thevery end of my time in this world, that Id never die since myrelationship with Him continues beyond this world. In short, I havethe total package in the salvation that Jesus has given me. I havereason(s) to be:

1 happy2

satisfied3 successful4 willing to live for His praise

In other words, the four factors listed above would give me theequilibrium that I desperately need to live in this world.

As I thought about it, I became aware that


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joy really is equilibrium because the Oxford dictionary definesequilibrium as:-

1.(a) a situation in which opposing forces, influences, etc are

balanced and under control

(b) the state of being physically balanced2. a state of mind in which feelings and emotions are under control.

The joy of the Lords salvation brings the opposing forces weencounter in life under our control thereby giving us balance. That iswhy theres not a storm big enough to wash the Christian faith out ofthis world. Our balance is in the word of God which we have beenassured lives for ever and ever.

To apply this wonderful discovery to everyday living has not beeneasy though. I have found out that there is joy for every situationunder the sun. All one has to do is search the Bible. For any givensituation, the Bible (Gods word) has the answer. When you find it,hold onto it with all your strength and all your might, no matter whatthe circumstances scream. Therein lies joy, joy profound. And thisjoy, it does not fail.

As we prepared to enter a new year, I made only one resolution to

walk in joy regardless .


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Chapter 2

Joy in Faith

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things notseen. Hebrews 11 vs.1

I know that I know that scripture. I could recite in my sleep as manyother Christians can. That scripture was in my system in the veryfirst year of my new life and I tried to walk in it. I did wellsometimes. Other times I just stepped out believing in my unseenflesh-oriented desires. I went where the Lord did not tell me to goand did things that I know now were not in His will for me.

Then, there was my health. I became asthmatic (I was told), at twomonths. It was so bad that everyone believed death was imminent. Igrew into my teens and the attacks still continued just as bad as theywere at the beginning.

I got married and had children who were born free of asthma andhave stayed free to this day. And I suffered still.

My Christian brothers and sisters would gently and indirectly

attribute it to a lack of faith.

Theres no illness the Lord can not cure if only theres faith andso on.

I subjected myself to their prayers and truly believed. I took steps inthe physical to actualize my healing by throwing away mymedication. Still I wheezed. Then I had a particularly bad attackand ended up in the hospital. I hated myself because I thought Id letJesus down until my pastor preached about God being in medicine

and urged us to keep in mind always that God is God. Therefore Hereserves the right to heal as He likes.

It helped a lot to know that medicine is acceptable to God but then,my medications didnt provide a cure, only relief. So, I was still nothappy.


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One night, I had a dream. In it I saw my house but even in thatdream state I knew that house was me, my life. The house was wellswept and there was a nice quietness in it. Light poured into everyroom in the house except in the pantry where we stored food. Wecalled it the store. Well, in the dream, this store was dark, very dark

and inside it was a man. He was not a stranger. For it seemed in thatdream that he had always been there in my house and had movedfrom one room to another chased by the light and the cleanness of thehouse and now, he was hiding where I stored things.

In the dream I ordered him to leave, that I didnt want him anymore.He kept begging me to let him stay and very firmly I told him to goand I woke up at that point.

I knew God was trying to tell me something but I didnt know what.

I went to my then pastors wife, a Spirit-filled woman. She prayedand then to my surprise, began to ask me questions about mybackground (my mother and father) and it all came out about mybirth. I was born to young people who were not ready to accept theresponsibility of parent-hood. So I wasnt exactly welcomed by theminto this world. As a baby, I must have picked up the vibes ofrejection from my mother which opened my life to the spirit ofrejection. One of the manifestations of the presence of this spirit isasthma. That was the spirit in my store, a place of the memories ofpast hurt, a place of unforgiveness.

She sent me to another room to confess my sin of unforgivenessagainst my mother. It was interesting that as soon as I startedpraying, memories of times I had been nasty to my mother rose up. Iquickly confessed them to the Lord and asked for forgiveness.Finally, I felt totally at peace. But guess what? In that peacefulatmosphere came a very clear voice telling me that if I went throughthe prayer with the pastors wife, I would vomit a snake. Irecognised this as the voice of the spirit of rejection and spoke outalso: If you choose to come out as a snake, thats okay. But, you are

coming out today. But I was terrified.

The pastors wife came into the room and stressed the importance offorgiveness. She told me what had happened to me was totallyunacceptable in the sight of God but I stood bound, until I forgave.What matters is what we do with the load life throws at us.


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I assured her that all was well and told her about the voice and thesnake. She said it was the demon spirit trying to paralyse my needfor deliverance. The devil and his host operate through fear.

As soon as she addressed this demon spirit of rejection and ordered it

to come out of me in the name of the Lord Jesus, funny things beganto happen. Id gone into that room breathing freely. But now Ibegan to heave like Id never done in my life. It was like all of myintestines were coming up through my chest. And then some vileforce flung me here and there, all over that room and I rememberedwondering fleetingly if my hip bone was broken. I call the force vilebecause it was the total opposite of the gentle, sweet falling Idexperienced under the power of the Holy Spirit.

The pastors wife stood her ground and kept commanding it in Jesus

name to come out. Finally, with a terrible scream which I did notrecognise as coming from within me, it left and I was left dazed,lightheaded and retching on the floor. And free. I was free at last.

Immediately the massive attacks ceased. Even when they threatened,I stood on the word that what God does is permanent.

So, I found out that unseen elements can hinder our joy and it has gotnothing to do with faith.

Physical things not related to faith can also stand in the way of well-being.

The massive attacks stopped but I noticed that whenever the weatherwas hot and humid, I would have problems breathing properly. Thefact that the same medication used to treat asthma is used to treatthis does not make me think Ive got asthma. It just shows that notall asthma cases come from rejection. I have terrible migraines whenI walk about in the sun up to an hour. To avoid this, I avoid toomuch sun. But when it is unavoidable (I mean, Im an African and I

live in Africa) I take medication for it. I am perfectly fine when theweather is dry and cool. But when its not, I take medication to helpme cope. Like my pastor of long ago said, God has provided thingsto help us live in this world. Medicine is one of them.

Still, my Christian friends talk about faith and total healing (as theycall it) although Ive noticed that it does not seem to apply to themwhen they are ill with malaria and go to the doctor. They say


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malaria is normal. This is Africa. There are mosquitoes. It is to beexpected.But my entire family have not been ill with malaria for thepast seven years and we have not been on any prophylactics! God issovereign and rules in the affairs of man as He chooses. Isnt thatwhy Jesus taught us to pray Thy will be done?

But I have my joy in this now. It began when the Lord shed speciallight on something Id read so many times before. In Mathew 15:24-28, we know the story of the woman who was not entitled, yet,received a blessing from Jesus. Jesus commended her for her faith.When that special light was shed for me, I realised that all thatwoman did was answer the Lord with knowledge. It is true, isnt it,that when those who own the food eat, the crumbs that fall to theground belong to the dog. That was all she exhibited knowledge.

Mathew 8:5-10 recounts: Now when Jesus had entered Capernaum,a centurion came to Him, pleading with Him, saying, Lord, myservant is lying at home paralyzed, dreadfully tormented.And Jesus said to him, I will come and heal him.The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that Youshould come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servantwill be healed. For I also am a man under authority, having soldiersunder me. And I say to thisone, Go, and he goes; and to another,Come, and he comes; and to my servant, Do this, and he does it.

When Jesus heard it, He marvelled, and said to those who followed,Assuredly, I say to you, I have not Found such great faith, not evenin Israel!The centurion showed knowledge of the workings ofauthority and the Lord equated it with faith.

It hit me. That was it. Faith is not some abstract thing for one tostruggle to hold on to. Faith is the measure of knowledge that wehave of God. What I know about God is what would enable me totake as real that which I have not seen.

As though to confirm this revelation, the Lord showed me somethingelse in Mathew 16:6-8.

When the disciples misunderstood the Lord, He did not chide themfor their misunderstanding. Instead, He called it little faith. If theyhad had the knowledge of what Jesus meant, they would haveunderstood Him and He would not have despaired of their little faith.


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What it comes down to is this: Do I believe that Jesus paid the pricefor my health? Yes, I do. I do totally. I did even before He healedme and my family without medication of different ailments. But Iknow that He does allow somethings to happen for His glory. Lookat Apostle Paul used mightily by the Lord to heal others. Yet, he

himself cried three times to the Lord to heal him and the Lord said,No, My grace is enough to see you through. 2 Corinthians 12: 7-9.Did Paul stop working for the Lord because of it. No, he labouredendlessly for Jesus. Paul himself said that the presence of the illnesshelped to keep him humble. Its very easy to get carried way bysuccess. Just take a look around.

I have my joy in knowing that Jesus cares very much for me and thatHe wants the very best for me. But I do not know how He worksthings out and Im reminded of Habakkuk 3: 17-18

Though the fig tree may not blossom,Nor fruit be on the vineThough the labour of the olive may fail,And the fields yield no food;Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,And there be no herd in the stalls-Yet will I rejoice in the Lord,I will joy in the God of my salvation. New King James Version

Thats my joy.


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Chapter 3

I will have joy when Gods word is being sold. I havefretted too much and too long about it. Its time toput it to rest.

In childrens Sunday School, I learnt, amongst other stories about

Jesus, that Gods joy salvation, was free. Freely you havereceived, freely give. I grew up also with stories of Gods men andwomen who went far and wide to spread the joy of salvation. Theyforsook everything. Sometimes they forsook their lives.

I tell the truth when I say that Ive not heard that scripture (freelyyou have received, freely give) since the days of mission school andthe baby I had then is now fourteen years old.

For many ministers these days, there must be payment for every

word (theirs and the Lords) that comes out of their mouths.

I know that the work of the Kingdom needs money. It is the fuel onwhich the engine runs. It costs money to send missionaries to faraway places. It costs money to put the Word on air. It costs moneyto build and maintain a place of worship. It costs a lot of money tominister to the felt needs of people.

As plainly as Ive stated the needs, so should they be presented topeople. I know, because Im frequently in the recipient audience and

nearly as often, Im involved in fund-raising exercises for Christiancauses. People respond with enthusiasm when they are shown theneeds plainly. Even non-Christian do when they are presented with asimple request to join in providing something that would be of goodto people.

It is painful and unnecessary to employ the methods some use thesedays.


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Trinity Broadcasting Network is one of the biggest blessings in mylife. Even without being asked to, one knows, and indeed is quiteeager, to support this network. But then I avoid watching some ofthe ministers and the truth is that they are some of the most gifted

teachers of the Word. One is a lady and I remember the first time Isaw her on TBN. She was electrifying. I couldnt take my eyes offher. I was being enormously educated. Though she was asking for aspecific amount to get the blessing, I didnt mind because I wastotally captivated. I sent the money. The next time I saw her, shewas preaching about something else and asked a specific amount toget the blessing from that. I didnt have the money.

The next and subsequent times were all the same. Really wonderfulpreaching but you had to send a certain amount to be blessed by the

Word. And she would follow each occasion with a story of how shegave so much and the following day or a year later, she was so muchricher or all her debts paid. It began to nauseate me and now, whenshe comes on, I flip the channels. Thank God for choice!

One of the most painful of this kind I experienced in a churchaudience. The preacher called for those who could buy her book for$1,000 and she would prophesy over them. A few people stepped out.Next, she called for those who could buy it for $500. The last call wasfor those who would buy it for $300. This, in Africa and everyone in

the congregation African!

There were about ten or so people in all, who stepped out. And shesaid, Im going to prophesy over these ones. The rest of you beginto pray for yourselves.

The misery in that audience was palpable. I sat there and wonderedat it all. Does God need to be paid before He blesses? The God thatcreated a beautiful earth for us?, the God that gives rain andsunshine in due season?, the God that commanded us not to even

think about tomorrow, assuring us that He will take care of us?, theGod that answers even before we call?, And all without anygratitude from us.

The woman who was visiting went back to her own church and leftbehind a lot of people who, instead of being blessed, were so hurt thatsome cried. They said even God had despised their poverty. Some


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left the church and I sincerely hope that they didnt leave the body ofChrist Jesus.

Another one, a man on TBN, said he had a special anointing to blessonly forty who would write a cheque on the spot for $1000. They

were the chosen ones who were destined to become millionaires in ayear.

Special offerings are scriptural. People need to be taught about themand they should be called by their name special offering. Godsbusiness must not be turned into casino business. And I think livingin the days of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ has made us forgetthat our God is awesome. No, cancel that word its used these dayseven for hamburgers!

God is GOD. His people need to remember to reverence Him. Weshouldnt toy with Gods word because Gods word is God.

Ministers of the Word like to remind people of how no one wouldeven seek to consult Old Testaments prophets without a gift in theirhands. True. But true also that Jesus Christ of Nazareth went aboutdoing good and none was recorded as going with a gift to seek Hisblessings.

I will keep my joy in this by supporting Gods work as much as I can

with:-

1. monetary offerings2. time offerings3. skill offerings

I will just ignore it when desperate ministers of the Word forget thatGod is able, more than able to raise funds for His work. He ownseverything, right?!


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Chapter 4

I will have joy in giving to God

In the Old Testament, there were different kinds of offering, mostlyof the free-will kind. But there were the compulsory ones such as thesin offering. Every so often Gods people would have to appearbefore God with an unblemished lamb to beg God for forgiveness.

What a joy to live in the pardon obtained for us by Jesus blood for

ever and ever!

Our offerings these days are truly free-will. It is up to me to decide ifI want to give to God and how much Im willing, out of all Hes givenme, to give back to Him.

Whats the point in giving to God? I mean, He owns all things anddoes not need my meagre offerings. But I know how good it feelswhen my children give me things. Of course, gifts are few and farbetween from the ones who are teenagers. But the same teenagers as

small children were quick to give dead flowers, drawings, sweetsstraight from the tongue. The giving filled me up in a strange way. Ithink it validated me. It made me feel loved and complete.

Were the gifts things I could use? No. Were they things I could havegiven myself? Yes, but I would not have received any feelings fromdoing that.

I think giving to God is a bit like that. When we give to GodAlmighty, the one and only Creator of the heavens and the earth, we

tell Him I love you. And I think that is the only thing that Godneeds love. I believe God is magnified in our lives and subsequentlyin the earth, when His children demonstrate their love for him.

Our very first offering starts with our selves our heart. When weturn over our heart to Jesus, we give our first and most importantfree-will offering. We say to God, I love and appreciate you forloving me enough to cause your Son to die in my place. It means I


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trust You enough to let You make my choices for me. It means Ihand over my thinking, my time, my money, my job, my family untoYou, God, and I do it all willingly. The willing bit is the joy in giving.

Also, the Bible says God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7.

I have woken up a number of times especially in the past year, to avoice quietly saying surrender it to the Lord. I would get on myknees immediately and thank God for caring enough to reach out tome. Then I would beg Him to forgive me the sin of shifting focusfrom Him to circumstance. I would get up from my knees feelinggreat and in forty-five minutes to two hours, I would be back atworrying and fretting. (Remember those emotional surges I talkedabout in chapter one). All it came down to was my not willinglydropping my burden at Jesus feet. Oh, I was all the time willing

with my mouth. Needless to say, I knew no joy.

But I am changing all that. I have already begun and it feels so goodand so strange that a few times I have actually muttered to myself, Ihope Im not missing something here. But Im not because life isactually worth living now. All I do is stand on what God saysconcerning the circumstance (whatever it may be) and in His ways,God works everything out. I stand on His word with my heart,thanking Him for it and wait. Giving Him the offering of my choicesis giving me joy.

I am maintaining my joy in giving money to the Lord. Every time Igive in church or to individuals, I keep reminding myself who I amreally giving to. I am giving to God and therefore I have to be carefulto give honourably.

I give honourably the best amount I can give taking intoconsideration other aspects of living. It includes the state of themoney (the cleanest notes I have) and the envelop I put it in. And Idont flaunt it.

At one of my lowest moments financially, a Christian sister sent me aT-shirt with the words This is all I have for you. She sent themessage verbally. I was shocked and terribly hurt since Id notasked her for anything. When you are down, some people treat youwith disrespect. One of the things we (my husband and I) knew Godwas trying to teach us then was humility. So I kept the T-shirt andsent my thanks to her. But that night, in a vision, the Lord Jesus was


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in my house and took the T-shirt and cast it out to the ground. It washow I knew I was not supposed to keep it and so I put it in the bin thefollowing day because the Lord had cast it to the ground as useless.But, physically, it was a nice looking T-shirt. I understood from thatexperience that God can reject a nice offering if its offered in a

dishonourable way.

This has guided my giving. I once heard a pastor (whod forgottenhis humble beginnings) urge the congregation to bring their offeringsand wave them openly. As people were slow to respond, he said,Yes, the Bible says not to let your left hand know what the right isdoing but that does not apply to giving your offering. Those who arenot showing their offering are ashamed of it. Do something about itif you are ashamed!

People need to keep their joy by ignoring everything that is not inline with Gods word. No matter how big the pastor is, if hisinterpretation of the word is not as clearly stated in the Bible, dontlisten to him.

My time is an offering to the Lord. It is not an offering only when Iam in church but throughout the day. When I worked as a teacherfor a private school, I poured every resource I had into that job. Iused my free time to help the kids that needed extra attention. I readconstantly to keep myself abreast with changing trends in education.

My colleagues jeered You think you are going to get paid for allthat? Some advised me that I was wasting my time for anungrateful boss. Try as I would to explain, they could notunderstand that I was not working for any human being. I was justtrying to give a good offering to the Lord.

I try to do the same as wife and mother. I am mindful of it as I try tobe of service in different ways to Christians and non-Christians.Even in doing nothing but just listening to someone who is hurting. Ialso give God an offering when I rest. For a long time, I had guilty

feelings when I was not doing. I thought I was committing a sin. SoI would push and push until I fell ill. Then my husband taught methat the Lord Jesus frequently broke away for a rest and I saw thatnot doing so was counter-productive.

Every skill we possess comes from God. It makes sense to give anoffering of our skills to God by using the skills to serve in church, ourcommunity and workplace. I have heard story after story of people


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that served the Lord with skills without payment in cash for years.Then one day, a glorious opportunity would just come to them thatwould change their lives for ever. We have experienced this anumber of times in my family. That teaching job that made me sounpopular with my colleagues opened many doors for me in the land,

some from people Id never met because theyd heard about me fromsomeone whod heard Our skills are tied to our destinies andsince its God that perfects destinies, its best to let Him have yourskills. He has a way of honing your skills so that when that perfectopportunity comes, youll be perfect.

I have joy when I give God an offering in my appearance. No, I amnot talking about dieting though it is good to do everything inmoderation including eating.

I think about the specific instructions God gave for the building ofHis house. Everything had to be the best and the people had tocleanse and anoint themselves before going in there. As a little child,our best clothes were kept for church (Sunday Best) and we madeextra efforts with our appearance for church than for anything else.

These days, its the other way round in many congregations. Peoplecome to church unwashed and in clothes most wives would hate fortheir husbands to see them in. Im not talking here about people wholive where they cant wash and who perhaps have just the one thing

to wear. Im talking about people who dress up to go next door tohave dinner with friends but cant be bothered to make the effort forchurch.

Recently the womens end of year party was held in my home andsome came looking absolutely wonderful. When I exclaimed that Idnever seen them look so great in church, one said, But church is justchurch. I was truly aghast.

God is beautiful. Look at the earth, the trees, flowers, clouds,

animals and people on it. Everything is fearfully and wonderfullymade. Remember, offering is giving back to God, joyfully, fromwhat He has given us. Give God the offering of looking nice whenyou go into His house.

Give and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down,[shaken together and running over. Luke 6:38 It is the word of God,but some preachers have taken it a step further with impunity:


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[empty your account, and give to me, borrow if you have to, dontexpect anything from the Lord if you dont sow into this work Imdoing ].

Must we ask God for a car, house, more money, children, position,

health and the death of our enemies every time we tell Him I loveYou? Our offerings are expressions of our love for God. If we areso intent on reward for every offering we give to God, are we lovingHim at all? Why not just demonstrate your love for Him and leave itat that? After all, He has already said that He will give; goodmeasure, pressed down and running over. Lets demonstrate ourlove for Him and all the things we need shall be given to us.


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Chapter 5

Joy in Receiving

I keep wondering why preachers dont preach about receiving. Weare bombarded by sermons on giving and get nothing on receiving.

The reason why Im writing about it is because Ive experienced thetests that being on the receiving end can bring in the life of aChristian. And the tests were severe because they had to do with thetransforming of my natural human nature into Christs own. Myflesh suffered.

In the time when things we (my family and I) had known and takenfor granted were taken away, we became utterly dependent on whatwe were given by others. It was awful. It would be difficult torecount the whole experience so Ill just share a little incident of that

time.

A girl younger than I and from a poor home had become close to us.When you dont have, you dont have. Shed noticed that sometimeswe didnt even have food in the house and we had three littlechildren. One day she turned up at our place with just enoughingredients to cook us one meal. I was amazed at the differentemotions that rose to the fore. If Id been told this story by someone,I would immediately have been touched by the sweet generosity ofthat giver. But when it happened to me, the first things I felt were

shame, disgrace, distaste, in that order. I had quite a struggle insideof me as I also did not want the girl to feel bad.

Finally, Gods grace won. I went forward and hugged her. Then, Ithanked her and took the food from her. To show my appreciation,we cooked the meal [ she and I] and we all ate together.


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When I thought about it, I wondered at my initial reaction. I neededthat girls gift. I mean, Id prayed and asked God to give us our dailybread and when it came, I almost disdained it. Why? Because ofpride. The very same destructive pride that drove Satan from thepresence of God.

We (my husband and I) came to see that one of the things present inthe dross that God was removing from us was pride and once welearnt how to receive, a lot of the pride was dealt with and the time inthat bleak wilderness was cut short.

While in that place we experienced the flip side of the coin. A familywe knew fell into hard times and even eating properly became achallenge. Because the command to give is not only to the rich andcomfortable, I took out of the little I had (just as that girl must have

done) and went to give the woman of that household. She wasshocked and then with a sneer she said, God, has it come to this?

Do you know how it felt like? I was so ashamed that I just wanted todisappear with my meagre offerings from that disgrace. Finally, shesaid since Id come all that way with the food, I could leave it behindbut I was not to do it again. With that I left.

We dont know how to receive. We dont give honourably and wedont receive graciously. Dont think it has to do with the size of the

gifts. No. Recently, my husband found out that a brothers car hadbroken down. It would need a sizeable amount to fix it. They werebelieving God for the amount, the brothers wife said. Though themoney was earmarked for something else, my husband felt Godwanted it to go to that family. So he dropped off the money, thefamily fixed the car, and instead of thank you, the woman began toact as though we were enemies.

Why do we ask God for things and when He sends them, we begin toresent the messengers. God uses people to effect answers to prayers.

If we are ungracious with the people He uses, how can we appreciatethe Giver that we do not see. Of course, the person giving must do itas unto the Lord and not expect accolades. It is God that rewards.But, it is not Christ-like to be ungracious in receiving. The LordJesus appreciated every one that ministered to Him whether the giftwas big or small. Remember Mary, Martha, and Lazarus? John11:1-44; the woman with the alabaster vase of oil of spikenard? John


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12:1-7; the feeding of the five thousand John 6:1-11; the leper thatsaid thank you? Luke 17:11-17.

We can appreciate a kind act without giving the glory due God toman. A simple thank you from the heart is enough. All the praise

and glory must go to God.

I have learnt to be joyful in receiving. Sometimes the gifts are thingsthat I dont need nor can use. I still receive them with joy, knowingthat part of being blessed is so we can bless others. I pass on some ofthe gifts.

It shocks me to see or hear of people who turn gifts away and most ofthe time, these are people who really need help. Why cut your noseto spite your face? I dont accept charity and this from Christians

who ought to know better!

We are commanded to be charitable one to another. I believe Godnever intended that one should have it all. We should be able to reachout to one another in one way or the other bearing the love of Christin all things.


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Chapter 6

Joy in Ugliness

With the growing threat of terrorism all over, airport security isunderstandably tighter. Many steps have been taken to fight thismost terrible of foes, including a thorough body search at someairports. At one of those airports I came into contact with that kindof body search for the first time in my life. They had men doing menand women doing women but it did not take the ugliness out of thesituation. The womans hands roamed all over my body and, as Iwas wearing a dress, I think it helped her hands travel much furtherthan they should have had I worn a pair of jeans. Maybe. I was sonauseated that I went straight to the bathroom. The experience hungon for a good part of the flight. I could not settle down on my insideand I felt like crying. After a while, I was able to put a word to allthat I was feeling and it was: invasion. That was it! I felt Id beeninvaded and wondered for the umpteenth time in my life how it mustfeel for victims of rape.

As soon as I identified what was troubling me, a scripture rose upwithin me about my body being the temple of God. 1 Corinthians3:17. No one has the right to touch another persons body intimatelywithout the persons consent and I had to subject myself to thatbecause the law required it. It was a situation I had no control on.But I felt defiled by it and was really in need of cleansing. Up cameanother scripture about the blood of Jesus cleansing us from all sin.1st John 1:7. No, I did not sin because the law subjected me to it but Iwas feeling the emotions that occur when sin has been committed.Id been sinned against. So I had this cauldron of anger, hate,humiliation and self-pity bubbling inside of me. I even felt guiltbecause I kept thinking I should have worn jeans although right-


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thinking kept reminding me that jeans fabric would not haveshielded me from the memory of those hands. And what suit ofarmour could I have worn over my breasts and the rest of my body?

I needed to cleanse my body of the filth. So I exercised my authority

as a believer in Jesus Christ. I cleansed my body of the contact itdmade with strange hands with the blood of Jesus. Then I cleansedmy mind with the blood of Jesus of each of the negative emotions Iwas feeling calling them by their names. Then, I thanked the Lordfor cleansing me and keeping His temple (my body) undefiled. Iprayed in whispers but I knew I had to say the words into the spiritrealm to deal with the demonic spirits that were attacking my mind.

After doing this, I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep. When I wokeup, I felt something was different. Then, I realised that it was the

absence of all that Id felt before I prayed. I was back to normal. Myjoy was restored.

I have found how to maintain my joy when a relationship with uglypeople is unavoidable. I am not talking about how a person looks. Iam talking about the behaviour of people who say they are born-again and have been for ages and, claim so much knowledge of theMost High and yet, sow ugliness wherever they go.

As a practise, I shy away from such people. Increasingly though,

God has been throwing them across my path reminding me that thetares must grow with the wheat until harvest time. Mathew 13:24-30

These ugly people ostensibly want a friendship with you. They wantto know every thing about your life. They take note of everythingyou wear and put a price to it. They talk about others and tell youwhat others say about you. They are amazingly juvenile to the extentof talking about who calls who. It would seem their mission in life isto dishonour and in it all, they are more righteous than anyone else!

I did not know how to deal with these people so I ran from them untilJesus showed me from Scriptures that He did not run from any one.Scriptures advise us to abstain from every form of evil. 1Thessalonians 5:22. I believe it is for this reason that Jesus did notkeep company with the Pharisees even though He did not run fromthem. He spoke out against their evil practices whilst teaching thegood way by His life. As His disciple, this is what is expected of me.


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Now, I try to keep my joy in the face of this ugliness by refusing to bedrawn into their kind of talk. I do whatever good I can to thesepeople but unless it is absolutely unavoidable, I maintain a healthydistance in my relationship with them.

Another kind of ugliness I deal with almost every day of my life hasto do with those who crucify a nation because of what theyve heardor a nasty brush theyve had with someone of that nationality.Sometimes I ignore it and have taught my children to do same. Butwhen it comes from people who should know better, educated people,people of God, I am compelled to ask a few questions such as So,you know or have heard of fraudsters from this nation. Do youhonestly want to say you do not know of fraudsters from the nationyou call your own?

Do you know someone from that hated nation who did good to youor someone you know? What amazes me is that people who arecaught in this ugliness invariably know good things and good peoplefrom that nation and still, they only talk about the bad forgettingthat that same bad obtains in their nation as well.

Christians forget this and hurt their brethren from other nations.The fallen human nature resides in all of humanity irrespective oflocation or race. Theres good and bad everywhere. The person whodoes not know this has a lot to learn. But as for me, I know that Im

accepted by God. Thats my joy.


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Chapter 7

Joy in Confronting my Fears

For all of my life, Id held a deep fear of having to use a messy toilet.

And every time I came face to face with one, I would just turn roundand flee. When my family did bush missions (getting into remoteparts to reach the unreached) and we had to stay two, three days inthe bush, it was not such a bother because one could use the bush andI had my husband on guard for snakes and human wanderers. Theproblem was where there was the pretense of civilization; wherepeople put in the W.C. and forget to flush.

And then, there were the pit latrines. An aunty told me how shealmost got bitten by a snake that crawled out of the hole of the latrine

even as she was squatting over it. This became a serious strongholdwhen it came to pit latrines.

My horror of a bad toilet was so bad that I skipped some outings ifthe assurance of a good toilet was not given. I even turned downopportunities of telling young people about the Kingdom of God(which is my sole purpose on Earth) because of this fear.

One day it occurred to me that everything including the workings ofmy body, was subject to the name of Jesus. So, I began to speak tomy bowels in the name of Jesus that they dont feel the need to emptythemselves until I would get to my destination (usually home orwhere I would get access to a good toilet). I did this for trips thatwould take one to four hours, and every time, without fail, my bodyobeyed. Of course, I avoided eating or drinking any thing in largequantities on those trips. I did this for years and it worked until Istarted my quest for the meaning of the joy of the Lord.


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I went on a three-hour trip with my husband with the usualcommand to my bowels and all was well. At the outset of the returnjourney, my tummy felt a bit funny and I repeated the command andtook my mind off it. The journey involved crossing a river by ferryand that was the last hour of the three-hour trip. As soon as we got

on the ferry, a massive cramp hit my stomach. I gasped and tried tostay focused on controlling my rectal muscles.

It passed and I thanked God and spoke peace to my stomach. Inmaybe ten minutes, that pain was back accompanied by terriblenausea. I was faint with it all may have been from the effort oftrying to control the spasms of pain and nausea. It stopped andreturned in about five minutes. This time wave after wave of itwashed over me. When I got my breath back, I told my husbandwhat I was going through and he went in search of the toilet. He

came back to report that hed found it but that there was no way Icould use it it was the filthiest toilet hed seen in a long, long while.He tried to encourage me to hold on but there was twenty-five tothirty minutes more of the crossing. After five minutes, underrelentless cramps, I used the toilet.

Instantly, the pain eased and I completed the journey in peace.

I scrubbed with hot water when I got home and for days afterwards,I walked about in a surreal state. Then, I was invited somewhere to

talk. In the past, I would not have wanted to go because I wouldspend half the day there and, it was one of those places with funnytoilets. But to my surprise, the usual fear did not come up. Sincethen Ive been in and out of places I used to avoid. Ive seenunpleasant toilets and didnt run out. I have learnt that Gods joyempowers. God allowed that experience on the ferry so that I wouldbecome more and more what He wants me to be.

Another fear that crippled my life was that of letting go of mychildren.

My children have been at the centre of my world since God gave thefirst one to me on my birthday. I have worried myself, the childrenand my husband with fears of their security, success and all. Whenthe first got to university level, I started to pray about letting go of allthe children because I knew after university would come marriageand a totally separate life from mine. Still, I had a long way to go.


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With my first-born at twenty years and the last, eleven, anopportunity came up to help me. Our very good friends had a majorevent coming in their lives and they requested our presence.

We presented it before the Lord and were certain that God would

have us (both) go even though it involved an overnight stay. Thiswould be the first time that we would be leaving the children withouta parental figure in charge. It worried me. I thought about howteenagers like to turn their parents home into a party ground onceparents are away. I remembered boys (Christians) who got girlspregnant the weekend they got the house to themselves. I wonderedif the older ones would not be tempted into abandoning the youngerones for an outing. Will they remember to lock up at night?

I went on and on till I remembered that Id prayed about it and had

received the peace of mind that it was okay for both my husbandand I to go. I needed to give my fears to the Lord. I resolutely didthat and then set my face like flint toward the trip. I resisted theurge to ask someone to call in to check on them and we also didntleave them any numbers to call in case of emergencies. If Idsuggested it, my husband would have complied, but, this was my test(I sensed) and I wanted to yield completely to the Lord.

We were away for two days and a night (we got home evening of daytwo). In all of those hours and minutes and seconds, I resisted the

urge to call, leaving it to my husband who made about four calls inall. Everything went well. The first-born proved himself a trust-worthy leader. He did all that was needed for the well-being of hissiblings and they cooperated with one another. And I learnt. I learntthat as long as we are doing our parts as godly parents, God is doingthe rest even though it may not be apparent.

Now, my joy is unshaken even though I know that our first-born isleaving in some months for his masters. My joy is the satisfaction Ihave that God has said that my children shall be established in His

righteousness and great shall be their peace. Isaiah 54:13-14


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Chapter 8

Joy in Mastering Self

The seeking of self-glory in the church has robbed me of much joy in

the past. I have fought a serious crisis of faith as I watched pastorsand their ministers appropriate glory to themselves and their spouses(and children even). The ease with which they slide into the positionsin which they sit in lordship over others is amazing and sad. It wouldseem that no matter how new you are in the church I mean with noone knowing or being interested in knowing about your commitmentto God, all you have to do is give gifts to the pastor and youll findyourself in a position of authority. The height of the post is in directproportion to the size of the gift. The gifts can come in cash or inservices which range from running errands to ego-fanning and

sycophancy.

These people feed the pastor with stories about others. Those thatrefuse to pay them the recognition they want are taken before thepastor and painted in treacherous colours and because thesycophants are pastors favoured people, he would take their storiesas truth and begin to malign the victims from the pulpit! The onesfavoured by these wicked manipulators get the kind eye from thepastor.

The work of vain-glory workers in the church is not is not limited tomanipulating the pastor, they also persecute people they dislike inmany instances driving them literally from church and even boastingabout this feat! Then, they climb the pulpit and give testimonies ofGods goodness; the message being Ha, ha. Im prospering in myevil and nobody can touch me. Ha, ha. And I would wonder aboutGods ways and the validity of Scripture. But the quiet little voicekept telling they were lying. At one time, the voice asked me if I


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knew of anyone in the Bible that God loved who led a trouble-freeexistence as these tares would have people believe that their liveswere trouble-free. When real Christians give testimonies, they arenot afraid to tell it as it really happened and it is in the truth of theirtelling that people give their lives to Jesus and/or draw

encouragement for their own travails.

Also, God made me stumble on facts concerning each and every oneof these people; facts that shocked because they exposed the filthinessof their lives. Now, Im not moved by any of these things. I keep my joy in scripture which applies to this situation: . The SOLIDfoundation of God STANDS, having this seal: The Lord KNOWSthose who are His. 2 Timothy 2:19

Another thing that has really tried my joy is the man-made rules. I

was once in a congregation that floundered greatly because the newpastor came with new rules which were:-

1. Women must keep their heads covered2. Women could not wear make-up3. Women could not wear trousers4. Both men and women could not wear their African dresses

except on New Year Day (in Africa!)5. Both men and women must wear suits (skirt suit for the

women). The leader of this church liked the corporate look,

we were told.6. No one was allowed to answer their phone in his presence.Instantly, self-righteousness rose to a dizzying height. Those whoadopted these rules look down their spiritual nose on the sinners inAfrican wear. The funny thing is the African wear is one of the mostreligious mode of dressing I know. I mean, it covers everythingextending to the ankles!

The Bible talks about man-made doctrines being taught as Gods

righteousness. Colossians 2:20-22 Therfore if you died with Christfrom the basic principles of the world, why, asthoudh living in theworld, do you subject yourselves to regulations :Do not touch, donot taste, do not handle, which all concern things which perish withthe usingaccording to the commandments and doctrines of men?These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposedreligion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no valueagainst the indulgence of the flesh.


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And then the titles: Mummy, Daddy, First Lady, etc. The titleswouldnt matter if the people bearing them did not lose sight of thebottom line which is that we all are simply brethren. I was once toldthe story of a church mummy who kept people waiting to see her ontheir knees and sometimes the queue would extend out into the sun. I

was shocked that intelligent, beautiful people subjected themselves tosuch abuse.

I hold onto my joy in these things by keeping my mind on thewarning from Colossians 2:8 Beware lest anyone cheat youthrough philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition ofmen, according to the basic principles of the world, and notaccording to Christ.

The New Testament talks about the church in so and so place. But it

was just the Church of Jesus. Not so for us. We call ourselves bydifferent labels and back-bite one another forgetting that, that wontget us into heaven. I believe I speak the truth when I say that churchleaders turn the attention on self (theirs) and not on Jesus when theybegin to compare their charisma and size of congregation withothers. Why is there a need for this? Arent we all on the samevineyard? I know many people who have lost respect for TheChurch because of this.

I overcame my disgust by reminding myself that a leader (no matter

how exalted) is still a man. I take the word of God that he preaches(if it tallies with what is in the Bible) and I ignore the rest because noone is perfect, but the word of God is.


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Chapter 9

Joy in Coping with Excesses

I will keep my joy when adulation for the preacher drowns themessage from God.

Many a time Ive turned to my nearest neighbour in church to askwhat the preacher just said and many times my neighbours wouldsay they didnt quite catch it. We did not arrive at this stage becauseof a lack of concentration. The reason for the loss in the preachersmessage was the whooping, the catcalls that some preachers call for.Is the word of God some act to be performed to the accompanimentof behaviour found in pagan rites? Why must these sounds attendthe preachers sermon for him to feel validated? I have heard quite afew preachers complain about the audience being cold when thewhooping is absent. Why isnt a nice round of applause enough?

The really bad thing about this is that the adulation is not usually inpraise of the truth in Gods word but of some boastful thing from thepastor (such as the designer labels he wears) or some great soundingwords which all end in tude, tude, tude or tion, tion, tion.Not many know the import of these sayings but they would whoopand catcall so loud that the rest of what the preacher has to sayremain lost in all the noise. And the preacher would be in his


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element believing that hed given a great sermon and everyone mustknow what a great preacher he is.

I try to keep my joy in this by silently praying for the preacher. Idont know how this practice got into the church. I believe it is

something that we need to pray about because the church is beingcarried by that nice, deceiving wave of pleasing people and beingpleased by people. I think it is called entertainment and that is notwhat the preaching of Gods word should do.

Another thing about the witty sayings is that they are fast replacingthe Bible. Christians quote people now to buttress their points andnot the Bible. So, the people who make these clever sayings are bigmen of God but are they God? What power is there in these sayingsto bind broken hearts, heal the sick and raise the dead? Im keeping

my joy by steadfastly holding to the reading of the Bible everyday.Todays world has so many voices on each and every subject underthe sun. Eggs are good for you . eggs are not good for you. Coffeeis poisonous .. No, coffee is great.

It would seem nothing in science holds much water (at least not forlong). I remember joking with a friend once that at this ratescientists are going to tell us one day that lettuce is fattening. Justtwo years after making the statement, I read in a health digest thatone silent fattener is lettuce! My heart almost stopped. They went

on to explain about something in the pesticide that is sprayed onvegetables causing weight gain. Theres not a theory in this worldthat has been proven infallible. But the Bible (Gods word) is. Onlythe words from this book possess the power to effect change sustainable change for they have been tried and tested. We needthis for stability in todays world.

A new Christian once asked two of the questions that I asked myselfsometime back. Why do Christians repeat themselves while prayingunder the guidance of the pastor when Jesus warned against it?

Mathew 6:7 She meant the Father, do me well. Father, do mewell. Over and over again. I truthfully told her I did not know thereason but urged her to follow whats in the Bible.

The second question was about the pastor setting the time for Godsintervention. The pastor had preached from 2 Kings 6:25-33, 2Kings7:1, using the story of the miraculous abundance in the midst offamine to tell the people that by the next day whatever they were


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going through would be over and then he quickly added even if itsnot over, youll still have the witness in your spirit that something hashappened. Prophecy? I do not know. But I do know that theres atime and season under the sun for everyone. My planting time maybe anothers harvest time. Every good tree yields its fruit in due

season. Just be sure that you are a good tree. Luke 8:15 But the ones[seeds] that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard theword with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit WITHpatience.Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season,A time for every purpose under the sunVerse 2b a time to plant,And a time to pluck what is plantedPsalm 1:3 He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, thatbrings forth its fruit in its season..

What setting a general time does is create the feeling of despair andhopelessness when nothing happens. You begin to look at God likethis big being that you cant understand who holds out a blessing andsnatches it away time and time again. I was on that cycle a number oftimes before I learnt to lean more on what the Bible says than whatman says if what man says does not tally with what is in the Bible. Inthis, I have kept my joy.

Chapter 10


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men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of theinheritance; for you serve the Lord.

I must be as I wait for Him to bring to pass all that He haspromised. This waiting has tried my joy sorely. I dont know the

number of times that I thought to the Lord that if I were in Hisposition I wouldnt allow so and so thing to happen. And then, Iwould say to Him (in my thoughts) How can You bear to see me insuch pain and not do something? Then, one day I heard Him askWhat about my Son? That was all I heard but at the samemoment I had a vision of Jesus suffering on the cross and His cry toHis Father who did not answer Him. And I understood. Iunderstood that He did not answer Jesus then because He sent Himto earth for that very hour the terrible death on the cross. So alsoHe does not answer as I want Him to because He is working out

things in me by the pain Im going through. And I know that everypurpose of God is for an appointed time and until that time it wouldseem as though God wasnt answering me. Habakkuk 2 :3

For the vision is yet for an appointed time:But at end it will speak, and it will not lie.Though it tarries, wait for it:Because it will surely come,It will not tarry.

The waiting period has done many wonderful things in me and forme. It has got rid of much dross and given me better understandingof God, me and my fellow human beings. Still, I hate the waiting.

Once in deep pain while waiting, the still, small voice spoke. Jesushas been waiting too. And I jumped with surprise because I knewthe place in the Bible that spoke about this and yet, it never made animpression on me. Hebrews 10:12-13 says since His victory over thecross, Jesus has been waiting till His enemies are made His footstool.He has been waiting a long time. Thank God that our waiting is but

a moment!

So, I try to keep my joy while waiting. Whatever comes my way, Imust keep my joy knowing that God keeps His word. Numbers 23:19God is not a man, that He should lie,Nor a son of man, that He should repent.Has He said, and will He not do?Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?


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Because He is God, I must wait on His way (His word in the Bible).

He sees that which I cannot see. He knows that which I do no know.He is the only One who speaks and it comes to pass and He is the onlyOne who sustains every good thing. Because He is God, He does it

His own way.

Isaiah 55:8-11 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor areyour ways My ways says the LORD. For as the heavens are higherthan the earth, So are my ways higher than your ways, And Mythoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down, and thesnow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth,And make it bring forth bud, That it may give seed to the sower Andbread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from Mymouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I

please. And it shall prosper in thething for which I sent it.

As long as Hes spoken it, it will surely happen.I will keep my joy when Im assailed by dreams visions that seek tocontend with Gods truth for my life. When dreams and visions arenot in line with Gods word, I recognise them as lies for only Godscounsel stands in the lives of His children. It does not matter how thereal the dream/vision. It does not matter who has the dream/vision. Ifit does not agree with what God has said in the Bible, it is not fromGod. It is good practise to remember that dreams and visions and

words of knowledge can come from:GodSatanthe state of ones mind

I remind myself often to focus on Gods word from the Bible. Isaiah46: 9-11 Remember the former things of old,For I am God, and there is no other,I am God, and there is none like me,Declaring the end from the beginning

And from ancient times things that are not yet doneSaying, My counsel shall stand,And I will do all My pleasureCalling a bird of prey from the east,The man who executes My counsel from a far country,Indeed I have spoken it;I will also bring it to pass.I have purpose it;I will also do it.


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Halleluyah!

Isaiah 40: 8 The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of ourGod stands forever.

Hebrews 10 : 23Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for Hewho promised is faithful.

God is dependable. I want to stand on His word alone. His wordshall come to pass even when I fail repeatedly at achieving the goal.For even in my failure and disappointment, He is at work.Isaiah 28:21 For the Lord will rise up as at Mount Perazim, He will

be angry as in the Valley of Gibeon- That He may do His work, Hisstrange work, And bring to pass His act, His strange act. [ KJV]

All I have to do to maintain equilibrium in life is nest within Hisword.

Though the fig tree may not blossom,Nor fruit be on the vine

Though the labour of the olivemay fail,And the fields yield no food;Though the flock may be cutoff from the fold,And there be no herd in the stalls Yet will I rejoice in the Lord,I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

I keep my joy when Im assailed by dreams and visions that seek tocontend with Gods truth for my life. When dreams and visions arenot in line with Gods word, I recognise them as lies for only Godscounsel stands in the lives of His children. It does not matter howreal the dream/vision. It does not matter who has the dream/vision.If it does not agree with what God has said in the Bible, it is not from


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God. It is good practise to remember that dreams and visions andwords of knowledge can come from:

(1) God(2) Satan(3) the state of ones mind

Remember to focus on Gods word from the Bible. Isaiah 40:8,Isaiah 46:9-11, Hebrews 10:23. God is dependable. Stand on Hisword alone.


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Equilibrium by Elizabeth Abraham

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Transcript of Equilibrium by Elizabeth Abraham