Enhancement Training for Facilitators Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D., CFLE, Auburn University. AL...

Enhancement Training for Facilitators Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D., CFLE, Auburn University. AL Director, Center for Children, Youth, and Families Dept. of Human Development and Family Studies Alabama Cooperative Extension System

Lesson ONE - Families Today

Family Activity Goal: To further develop the habit of talking as a family

Family Activity Your job: Give complete instructions to adult Give complete instructions to adult Explain activity to be completed prior to children coming in Explain that the purpose of these activities is to make asking and listening to each other more of habit Explain that when their child(ren) join them they should begin Explain how they will physically arrange themselves Show the Discussion guidelines and the questions that parents can use to guide the family discussion (have these either up on a slide, flipchart, or on a card you give to each parent) Explain that their family discussion is their private discussion. At the end you will ask for some general thoughts about the activity before finishing up the session for the night.

Discussion Guidelines Everyone gets a turn to speak Everyone gets a turn to speak Respond with supportive comments Respond with supportive comments Thats interesting I didnt know you thought that Im so glad you shared that Parents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask: Parents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask: Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your paper? After everyone shares, you can ask: Which was the easiest to answer? Which was the easiest to answer? Which was the hardest to answer? Why? Which was the hardest to answer? Why? How do you feel about sharing your answers with us? How do you feel about sharing your answers with us? Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this? Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this?

Family Activity Your job: Walk around the room and assist with getting parents started, if needed. Walk around the room and assist with getting parents started, if needed. Continue doing this for 10-15 minutes. You are making yourself available if parents have questions; this is not for checking up on families discussions. Continue doing this for 10-15 minutes. You are making yourself available if parents have questions; this is not for checking up on families discussions. After every family has had a reasonable amount of time to discuss, announce, Lets take another minute to finish our discussions After every family has had a reasonable amount of time to discuss, announce, Lets take another minute to finish our discussions After a minute, invite everyones attention to you. Ask: After a minute, invite everyones attention to you. Ask: Why was this a good activity? Did you learn anything new? You dont have to share anything specific maybe just something in general. How did this feel (to share information)? Is this something you do on a regular basis? When and where might you be able to continue to do this as a family? Complement families on their great work and attention in the session. Thank them for coming and tell them what to expect for next week. Complement families on their great work and attention in the session. Thank them for coming and tell them what to expect for next week.

LETS PRACTICE!

Discussion Guidelines Everyone gets a turn to speak Everyone gets a turn to speak Respond with supportive comments Respond with supportive comments Thats interesting I didnt know you thought that Im so glad you shared that Parents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask: Parents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask: Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your paper? After everyone shares, you can ask: Which was the easiest to answer? Which was the easiest to answer? Which was the hardest to answer? Why? Which was the hardest to answer? Why? How do you feel about sharing your answers with us? How do you feel about sharing your answers with us? Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this? Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this?

Lesson TWO - Changes

Child Lesson 2 objectives Understand changes as normative experiences Awareness of feelings around changes Understand strategies for appropriate expressions of feelings; managing anger

The timeline Changes in my life Feelings Where Are They? Managing Anger Lesson Summary

What are the differences in a stepfamily? What are the differences in a stepfamily? Options: Options: Mixed - Yours, Mine and Ours Keep separate One Pot Money in Stepfamilies

Negotiating What kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable? What kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable? What kinds of responses make a conflict worse? What kinds of responses make a conflict worse? What helps people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of view? What helps people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of view? What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well? What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well? Are there things youve done that have made conflict worse? Are there things youve done that have made conflict worse? What would you do differently now? What would you do differently now?

Skills for negotiating What should you talk about? What should you talk about? Stepfamily Decisions (worksheet) Money in Stepfamilies

Other considerations May be cultural norms about the handling of money (lesson 2) May be cultural norms about the handling of money (lesson 2) Some stepparents adopt stepchildren (lesson 2) Some stepparents adopt stepchildren (lesson 2) A law professional can assist with the legal segment (establish timeframe ahead of time) (lesson 2) A law professional can assist with the legal segment (establish timeframe ahead of time) (lesson 2) Can reduce the # of items on Expectations worksheet completed in class (lesson 2) Can reduce the # of items on Expectations worksheet completed in class (lesson 2)

Other considerations Some parents have difficulty hearing their childrens responses in Changes in my life Some parents have difficulty hearing their childrens responses in Changes in my life Could switch Lesson 2 and Lesson 3 family activity Could switch Lesson 2 and Lesson 3 family activity

Lesson THREE - Where are you coming from?

Shared Meaning We interact around Symbols and develop SHARED MEANING with expected behaviors. Ideas for symbols to use with kids? Ideas for symbols to use with kids? Ideal number to use? Ideal number to use? Expectations

Give Love Give Love Communicate Skillfully Communicate Skillfully Have A Plan Have A Plan Be Consistent Be Consistent Show Respect Show Respect Make Time Make Time Be Patient Be Patient Learn About Child Development Learn About Child Development Parents Need To:

The parent has a role in social/emotional development! Parenting Styles: Parenting Styles: Levels of warmth and control in the parent/child relationship create different styles Parenting Styles

Democratic High Control High Warmth Permissive Low Control High Warmth Authoritarian High Control Low Warmth Neglectful Low Control Low Warmth High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low Parenting Styles

Influenced by family of origin and contextual factors Influenced by family of origin and contextual factors Can vary for different children Can vary for different children Can vary for one parent-child dyad Can vary for one parent-child dyad Situational factors Type of misbehavior General parenting style can predict outcomes for kids General parenting style can predict outcomes for kids Parenting Styles

Supportive Stepparent Democratic High Control High Warmth Permissive Low Control High Warmth Authoritarian High Control Low Warmth Neglectful Low Control Low Warmth High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low Parenting Styles

Stepparent as Dem Parent Democratic High Control High Warmth Permissive Low Control High Warmth Authoritarian High Control Low Warmth Neglectful Low Control Low Warmth High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low Parenting Styles

Root Word : Disciple = Learner DISCIPLINE IS GUIDANCE THAT DEVELOPS SELF-CONTROL Through: Instruction Providing Guidance Role Modeling Offering Choices/Use of Consequences Discipline

Notice when your child is behaving well! Notice when your child is behaving well! Control the situation; not the child or their emotions Control the situation; not the child or their emotions Think: What value or skill am I trying to teach? Think: What value or skill am I trying to teach? Why is the child misbehaving? Why is the child misbehaving? Reactionary vs. Planned Have a plan! Reactionary vs. Planned Have a plan! Control vs. Cooperation Engage your childs cooperation! Control vs. Cooperation Engage your childs cooperation! Discipline Overview

Natural consequences Natural consequences Logical consequences Logical consequences Empower children: give choices; self-evaluate Empower children: give choices; self-evaluate Sense of humor Sense of humor Pick your battles Pick your battles Tools of the Trade

1. Is spanking necessary for positive child outcomes? 2. Are there potential risks? Physical Punishment

Short Term vs. Long Term Short Term vs. Long Term Reoccurrence: Reoccurrence: Spanking + Alternatives = Alternatives Alone With Strong-Willed or Aggressive Children: Removal of Spankings = Less Incidences of Misbehaviors Does spanking work?

More likely its because of many other factors (warmth, limits, consistency, role-modeling, monitoring, etc.) More likely its because of many other factors (warmth, limits, consistency, role-modeling, monitoring, etc.) Those who dont turn out well in most all cases were spanked! Those who dont turn out well in most all cases were spanked! Do you care why child behaves? Do you care why child behaves? Internal vs. External Control Is turning out well attributed to spanking?

Considerations Use handout information most relevant to your group Use handout information most relevant to your group Information may be carried over to the next lesson or be a longer session Information may be carried over to the next lesson or be a longer session Stepparenting - What Works a key handout Stepparenting - What Works a key handout

Lesson FOUR

Children Lesson 4 objectives: Re-frame conflict as normative Understand what conflict is Understand types of conflict Understand behaviors that escalate and de- escalate conflict Understand and develop appropriate responses to conflictual situations Understand and develop skills in conflict resolution techniques Understand that they have a part to play in their familys conflict level

Considerations Point out to children this lesson focuses on skills that are useful in families, even though you wont be talking specifically about families or stepfamilies. Point out to children this lesson focuses on skills that are useful in families, even though you wont be talking specifically about families or stepfamilies.

Defining conflict activity types of conflict activity conflict resolutions chart Negotiation activity

Negotiation YOUR JOB: Divide into Group A, Group B, and Jury Divide into Group A, Group B, and Jury Assign or let them choose a topic; then assign or let them choose which side to present (pro or con) Assign or let them choose a topic; then assign or let them choose which side to present (pro or con) 5 minutes to prepare case 5 minutes to prepare case 3 minutes to present case (at least 3 members) 3 minutes to present case (at least 3 members) Jury writes notes and rates on: Jury writes notes and rates on: How clearly was the case presented? (1 not clear 5 very clear) What style of communication was used to present their case? (1 very negative 5 very positive) After both sides present; jury deliberates for 3 minutes and then provides feedback and ratings After both sides present; jury deliberates for 3 minutes and then provides feedback and ratings

Negotiation YOUR JOB: Instruct Group A and Group B to spend 5 minutes talking together. Find one or two points that you agree on or can compromise on. Instruct Group A and Group B to spend 5 minutes talking together. Find one or two points that you agree on or can compromise on. Jury observes discussion and takes notes and assigns ratings for each Group. Jury observes discussion and takes notes and assigns ratings for each Group. How effective were the groups in finding common ground? (1 not effective 5 very effective) How did members of each Group communicate? (1 very negative 5 very positive). Jury presents their observations and ratings Jury presents their observations and ratings

Group Discussion What kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable? What kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable? What kinds of responses make a conflict worse? What kinds of responses make a conflict worse? What helps people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of view? What helps people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of view? What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well? What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well? Are there things youve done that have made conflict worse? Are there things youve done that have made conflict worse? What would you do differently now? What would you do differently now?

Lesson FIVE - Communication Across Households

Considerations Recognize that some do not have co-parenting relationships Recognize that some do not have co-parenting relationships Acknowledge that some children may not have contact with their other parent Acknowledge that some children may not have contact with their other parent Encourage children to be respectful when they read the list of needs/rights with their parents Encourage children to be respectful when they read the list of needs/rights with their parents Childrens rights can be changed to Childrens needs if you think it will be misunderstood Childrens rights can be changed to Childrens needs if you think it will be misunderstood

Caught in the Middle SS video

Childrens Bill of Rights

Lesson SIX - Building Family Strengths

All humans experience stress All humans experience stress Stress affects you emotionally and physically Stress affects you emotionally and physically Too much stress over time puts your health at risk Too much stress over time puts your health at risk Managing Stress

Outlook Skills: Changing your thinking and attitude about stressors I look at my stressors in a positive way. I look at my stressors in a positive way. I dont get hung up on things that I have no control over. I dont get hung up on things that I have no control over. I use creativity, humor, and spiritual inspiration to improve my outlook. I use creativity, humor, and spiritual inspiration to improve my outlook. I truly believe that I am capable of managing my stress and will ultimately be successful. I truly believe that I am capable of managing my stress and will ultimately be successful. Outlook Skills

Self Care Skills: Building up your body to withstand long-term pressure I pay attention to my stress signs. I pay attention to my stress signs. I dont skip meals. I dont skip meals. I keep sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine to a minimum. I keep sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine to a minimum. I eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains every day. I eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains every day. I drink 6-8 glasses of water a day. I drink 6-8 glasses of water a day. I limit or have eliminated the use of alcohol and tobacco products. I limit or have eliminated the use of alcohol and tobacco products. I have received (or would get) help for substance abuse issues. I have received (or would get) help for substance abuse issues. I do 20 minutes of physical work or exercise 3 times a week. I do 20 minutes of physical work or exercise 3 times a week. I have 20 minutes a day of quiet time. I have 20 minutes a day of quiet time. Self Care Skills

Lifestyle Management Skills: Managing your environment to promote stress management I have relaxing place to go to. I have relaxing place to go to. I have control over what Im involved in and can say no. I have control of the way I spend time and energy. I have control over what Im involved in and can say no. I have control of the way I spend time and energy. I get rid of stressors that can be eliminated. I get rid of stressors that can be eliminated. I set goals and organize myself in a way to move towards achieving them. I set goals and organize myself in a way to move towards achieving them. I schedule free time in my day for doing nothing. I schedule free time in my day for doing nothing. I notice stress and take action to manage it. I notice stress and take action to manage it. Lifestyle Management Skills

Relationship Strategies: Working together With your spouse, partner or other important person to manage stress We make each other aware if we notice stress signs in each other. We make each other aware if we notice stress signs in each other. We talk together about how to manage stress. We talk together about how to manage stress. We have a supportive relationship; we are cheerleaders for each other. We have a supportive relationship; we are cheerleaders for each other. We talk in a supportive way with each other daily. We talk in a supportive way with each other daily. We have a satisfying sexual relationship. We have a satisfying sexual relationship. Relationship Strategies

Foods that help to manage stress Protein (meat, chicken, fish, eggs, nuts, cheese, yogurt, beans) Vitamin A (fruits, vegetables, fortified milk) Vitamin B (fish, meat, breads, cereals, whole wheat grains, green leafy vegetables, dried beans) Vitamin C (sweet fruits, juice, vegetables) Healthy Habits

Foods that do NOT help with stress Caffeine Refined sugars Starches Healthy Habits

Guided Relaxation

Are creative; flexible Are creative; flexible Are more honest Are more honest Are better communicators less unrealistic; more practical Are better communicators less unrealistic; more practical Have shared perception/mutual agreement Have shared perception/mutual agreement Have strong couple relationship Have strong couple relationship Stepparent is secondary parent, with possible movement to parental status Stepparent is secondary parent, with possible movement to parental status Are self-defined Are self-defined Have good communication across households What are your strengths? Successful Stepfamilies

Have Community Supports Schools Schools Churches Churches Education and Counseling Opps Education and Counseling Opps Successful Stepfamilies

Thank YOU for your work!! www.stepfamilies.info

Other considerations Power point slides can be altered Power point slides can be altered Additional statistics for Latino families (lesson 1) Additional statistics for Latino families (lesson 1) 52% of Hispanic marriages end in divorce (compared to 48% for Whites and 63% for African Americans) Whites and Hispanic/Latinos more likely to remarry than African American (after 5 years 58% of Whites; 44% Hispanic/Latino and 32% of African American Other movie clips can be substituted. Cultural relevance important. Other movie clips can be substituted. Cultural relevance important.

Childrens Lesson: Things to Consider Childrens groups can be split by age Childrens groups can be split by age 5 and under childcare with an activity relevant to lesson 5 and under childcare with an activity relevant to lesson Remember its not school. Allow children to have fun. Use management techniques to keep control. Remember its not school. Allow children to have fun. Use management techniques to keep control. Icebreakers can be added. Icebreakers can be added. Wrap-up with hot potato activity Wrap-up with hot potato activity

Facilitation Skills Appropriate use and level of disclosure (Doherty, 1995 5 Levels of Involvement for Parent and Family Educators) Appropriate use and level of disclosure (Doherty, 1995 5 Levels of Involvement for Parent and Family Educators) Level 3 recommended information given, sharing of feelings and experiences, supportive and empathetic Use as illustration of a research-based teaching point rather than teach only with your personal story (education vs. advise/opinion) Avoid descriptions of intense situations Be Brief! Preparation Preparation Read background again Read lesson again and make notes and/or highlight do not forget points Make copies, gather supplies Prepare additional supports for your group discussions (additional slides or flipchart with questions/prompts) Arrive early arrange room, set up teaching aides and supplies

Facilitation Skills Appropriate use and level of disclosure Appropriate use and level of disclosure Use as illustration of a research-based teaching point rather than teach only with your personal story (education vs. advise/opinion) Avoid descriptions of intense situations Be Brief! Preparation Preparation Read background again Read lesson again and make notes and/or highlight do not forget points Read corresponding adult or child lesson Make copies, gather supplies Prepare additional supports for your group discussions (additional slides or flipchart with questions/prompts) Arrive early arrange room, set up teaching aides and supplies Fidelity to curriculum content and teaching points Fidelity to curriculum content and teaching points

1.What is the difference between a group facilitator and a teacher? 2.What are your best facilitator skills and characteristics?

The Group Climate. Elements of Healthy Groups: Trust/confidentiality Trust/confidentiality Rapport and Respect Rapport and Respect Empathy Empathy Healthy boundaries Healthy boundaries A sense of competence and value/worth A sense of competence and value/worth A sense of belonging A sense of belonging

Facilitator Concepts : Value/Behavior congruence making sure that what a leader advocates is consistent with their behavior Value/Behavior congruence making sure that what a leader advocates is consistent with their behavior Emotional stimulation moderate level sharing is encouraged; greater chance of internalizing information Emotional stimulation moderate level sharing is encouraged; greater chance of internalizing information Executive function held by facilitator; sets goals, directs flow, establishes guidelines Executive function held by facilitator; sets goals, directs flow, establishes guidelines Strengths assumption an attitude; look for what is right; try to understand from their perspective; assume participants have knowledge Strengths assumption an attitude; look for what is right; try to understand from their perspective; assume participants have knowledge Do No Harm Awareness of and respect for differences. The provision of information without the prescription for behavior. Allowing a participant to stay within their comfort zone. Do No Harm Awareness of and respect for differences. The provision of information without the prescription for behavior. Allowing a participant to stay within their comfort zone.

Challenges 1.The monopolizer or discussion dominator 2.The interrupter 3.Side conversations 4.Silence of individual(s) 5.Resistance to teaching points 6.Expressing Intense Emotions or Too Much Information

Challenges 1.The monopolizer or discussion dominator What is it? Why does it occur? Enjoys a feeling of control Enjoys a feeling of control Likes attention and validation Likes attention and validation May be enthusiastic May be enthusiastic Suggestions for facilitators: Avoid or limit eye contact Avoid or limit eye contact Monitor your body language; more open to others Monitor your body language; more open to others Post an agenda at the beginning so you can refer to progress of the session Post an agenda at the beginning so you can refer to progress of the session Monitor nonverbals of other group members Monitor nonverbals of other group members Consider whether this parent would benefit from one-on-one support Consider whether this parent would benefit from one-on-one support Say: Thank you for sharing. Does anyone else have an example or thought on this? Thank you for sharing. Does anyone else have an example or thought on this? What would you say is your bottom line message? What would you say is your bottom line message? I see that the most important point you are making is. (then move the discussion along). I see that the most important point you are making is. (then move the discussion along).

Challenges 2. The interrupter What is it? Why does it occur? May be self-focused May be self-focused May have less well-developed social skills May have less well-developed social skills May be eager or excited May be eager or excited Suggestions for facilitators: Gently interrupt the interrupter and encourage the other parent to continue Gently interrupt the interrupter and encourage the other parent to continue Say: Could you hold onto that thought for a minute? I dont think Tom was finished. Could you hold onto that thought for a minute? I dont think Tom was finished. Id like to get back to Alicias comment. Alicia, do you have anything to add? Id like to get back to Alicias comment. Alicia, do you have anything to add?

Challenges 3.Side conversations What is it? Why does it occur? May be uncomfortable sharing with the larger group May be uncomfortable sharing with the larger group May have less well-developed social skills May have less well-developed social skills May not realize they can be heard May not realize they can be heard Suggestions for facilitators: Address the possibility of this when setting up initial ground rules for group Address the possibility of this when setting up initial ground rules for group Use silence to get everyones attention Use silence to get everyones attention Say: Excuse me. Im having trouble hearing Anthony. Excuse me. Im having trouble hearing Anthony. It sounds like you have some thoughts on this. Would you be wiling to share with all of us? It sounds like you have some thoughts on this. Would you be wiling to share with all of us? Lets focus on one persons thoughts at a time. Lets focus on one persons thoughts at a time.

Challenges 4. Silence of individual(s) What is it? Why does it occur? May be shy or naturally quiet May be shy or naturally quiet May be unaccustomed to group discussions May be unaccustomed to group discussions May have been spouse-ordered May have been spouse-ordered May be tired May be tired May be distracted by other issues in their lives May be distracted by other issues in their lives Suggestions for facilitators: Watch nonverbals to see if you can determine the reason Watch nonverbals to see if you can determine the reason Connect with these group members before and after the class to enhance their connection Connect with these group members before and after the class to enhance their connection Ask a quiet member to assist with a task related to an activity Ask a quiet member to assist with a task related to an activity Ask group members to write down their thoughts first, then have a group discussion Ask group members to write down their thoughts first, then have a group discussion Use ice-breakers to warm up people Use ice-breakers to warm up people Say: It seems there may be others who have some thoughts on this. Would anyone who hasnt shared, like to offer anything? [use good wait time] It seems there may be others who have some thoughts on this. Would anyone who hasnt shared, like to offer anything? [use good wait time] Lets have everyone turn to their partner and share their thoughts on this. Lets have everyone turn to their partner and share their thoughts on this.

Challenges 5.Resistance to teaching points What is it? Why does it occur? May feel criticized May feel criticized May be an issue between partners May be an issue between partners Suggestions for facilitators: Nurture your relationship with this person to develop trust Nurture your relationship with this person to develop trust Repeat their point to show you are hearing and understanding their viewpoint. Then pose a question that assumes they can see another viewpoint, too. Repeat their point to show you are hearing and understanding their viewpoint. Then pose a question that assumes they can see another viewpoint, too. Dont personalize the resistance. This will show in your reaction. Dont personalize the resistance. This will show in your reaction. Use humor. Use humor. Say: People can have different viewpoints based on their experiences. Can you envision why another person may have a different viewpoint. People can have different viewpoints based on their experiences. Can you envision why another person may have a different viewpoint. Research gives us information on what seems to be the case for most people, most of the time. Research gives us information on what seems to be the case for most people, most of the time. If you tried this suggestion, what is the worst that could happen? If you tried this suggestion, what is the worst that could happen? What are your goals for your family? How might this suggestion help you towards those goals? What are your goals for your family? How might this suggestion help you towards those goals?

Challenges 6. Expressing Intense Emotions or Too Much Information What is it? Why does it occur? Unfamiliar with group education Unfamiliar with group education May feel safer in education group rather than seeking therapy May feel safer in education group rather than seeking therapy May not be tuned in to others responses May not be tuned in to others responses They are experiencing a high level of distress or pain They are experiencing a high level of distress or pain Suggestions for facilitators: Clarify the purpose of the class Clarify the purpose of the class Privately, refer the couple for one-on-one help Privately, refer the couple for one-on-one help Monitor other group members responses for signs of discomfort Monitor other group members responses for signs of discomfort Acknowledge the strong feelings being expressed Acknowledge the strong feelings being expressed Universalize the emotion to take the focus off one person Universalize the emotion to take the focus off one person Say: It must be very difficult to share that. These are difficult feelings that many couples/parents struggle with. Perhaps you and I can talk more at the break. It must be very difficult to share that. These are difficult feelings that many couples/parents struggle with. Perhaps you and I can talk more at the break. That sounds very personal. Maybe this would be a good time to start our next activity and then you can share with each other as a couple/family. That sounds very personal. Maybe this would be a good time to start our next activity and then you can share with each other as a couple/family.

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