EFFECTIVE PARENTINGEFFECTIVE PARENTING

A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVEA BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

PRIMARY OBJECTIVESPRIMARY OBJECTIVES

Establish an understanding of the biblical Establish an understanding of the biblical role of a parent.role of a parent.

Provide practical and useful tools parents Provide practical and useful tools parents can use to increase their effectiveness.can use to increase their effectiveness.

Who will benefit from this discussion?Who will benefit from this discussion? God’s childrenGod’s children

As much as you may admire your parents, we all As much as you may admire your parents, we all have made mistakes (including your parents).have made mistakes (including your parents).

Children Children ParentsParents GrandparentsGrandparents Great-grandparentsGreat-grandparents

Who do you think you are?Who do you think you are?

Child of God disciplined by GodChild of God disciplined by God Child of parents who exercised authorityChild of parents who exercised authority College Trained Public School EducatorCollege Trained Public School Educator 25 years teaching experience25 years teaching experience Successful father of three young adultsSuccessful father of three young adults

Who does God hold responsible?Who does God hold responsible?

ChildrenChildren

Who does God hold responsible?Who does God hold responsible?

ParentsParents

^̂

ChildrenChildren

Who does God hold responsible?Who does God hold responsible?

Dad & MomDad & Mom

ParentsParents

^̂

ChildrenChildren

Who does God hold responsible?Who does God hold responsible?

DadDad^̂

Dad & MomDad & Mom

ParentsParents

^̂

ChildrenChildren

PARENTAL OBSTACLESPARENTAL OBSTACLES

Alcoholism/Drug AbuseAlcoholism/Drug Abuse Step-parentsStep-parents Dr. Benjamin SpockDr. Benjamin Spock

PARENTAL PROBLEMSPARENTAL PROBLEMS

Alcoholism/Drug AbuseAlcoholism/Drug Abuse Step-parentsStep-parents Dr. Benjamin SpockDr. Benjamin Spock Cultures of Female Deity WorshipCultures of Female Deity Worship

What is in mankind?What is in mankind?

“ “Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He in His name, observing His signs which He was doing. But Jesus, on His part, was not was doing. But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because men, and because He did not need anyone He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in manknew what was in man.”.” John 2:23-25 John 2:23-25

We are like a pot, a bottle, a glass…We are like a pot, a bottle, a glass…

We can pour cranberry juice into it, orWe can pour cranberry juice into it, or power steering fluid.power steering fluid. Both are red, but one is lethal.Both are red, but one is lethal. Holy Spirit, or unholy spirits?Holy Spirit, or unholy spirits?

How do children perceive themselves?How do children perceive themselves?

As the center of the universe!As the center of the universe!

‘My child would never do anything like that!’

Later in life: ‘He just is not capable of doing such a thing!’

NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER EVER, EVER ASK A CHILD EVER, EVER ASK A CHILD

WHAT THEY WANT!WHAT THEY WANT!

In doing so you are …In doing so you are … … … teaching them to “want.”teaching them to “want.” … … making them feel as though you don’t making them feel as though you don’t

know what is best for them.know what is best for them. … … making decisions for the household making decisions for the household

based on what they “want,” giving them based on what they “want,” giving them the power to make decisions for the the power to make decisions for the parents and the household.parents and the household.

South American Sears Manufacturing PlantSouth American Sears Manufacturing Plant

Built facilityBuilt facility Hired employeesHired employees 11stst pay check - more than previous year’s income pay check - more than previous year’s income Monday-factory was barrenMonday-factory was barren

IDEA!IDEA!

Give out Sears Give out Sears catalogs to everyone!catalogs to everyone!

Factory never closed Factory never closed again.again.

God’s desire for usGod’s desire for us

““The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1Psalm 23:1

““Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for clothing?’ For the clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these Gentiles eagerly seek all these thingsthings; for your heavenly Father knows that you ; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “But seek first His kingdom need all these things. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”be added to you.” Matthew 6:31-33 Matthew 6:31-33

NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER EVER, EVER CALL A CHILD NAMES!EVER, EVER CALL A CHILD NAMES!

““You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” Matthew 5:21-22Matthew 5:21-22

Modern terminology – idiot, jerk, stupid…Modern terminology – idiot, jerk, stupid…

Teach your children …Teach your children … “ “You shall therefore impress these words of You shall therefore impress these words of

mine on your heart and on your soul; and you mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall You shall teach them to your sonsteach them to your sons, talking of them when , talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, your house and on your gates, so that so that your days your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth.”the earth.” Deuteronomy 11:18-21 Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Educating RelationshipsEducating Relationships 10 Commandments10 Commandments

Relationship with GodRelationship with God Relationship with othersRelationship with others

MannersManners Children shouldChildren should

… … politely respond when addressed - i.e. speak when politely respond when addressed - i.e. speak when spoken tospoken to

… … say “thank you”say “thank you”

You must know what they are learningYou must know what they are learning OnegOneg Chores: learn responsibility, learn to enjoy Chores: learn responsibility, learn to enjoy

working – acquire a sense of accomplishmentworking – acquire a sense of accomplishment

THIS IS LOVETHIS IS LOVE ““Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline;

therefore be zealous and repent.”therefore be zealous and repent.” Revelation 3:19Revelation 3:19

““Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”Lord.” Ephesians 6:4Ephesians 6:4

““He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24Proverbs 13:24

““Do not hold back discipline from the child, although Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.”Sheol.” Proverbs 23:13-14Proverbs 23:13-14

““The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Proverbs 29:15Proverbs 29:15

How old is old enough to How old is old enough to be disciplined?be disciplined?

When they demonstrate blatant defiance When they demonstrate blatant defiance i.e. You know they know what they should i.e. You know they know what they should

not do, but they do it anyway.not do, but they do it anyway.

Don’t wait until you Don’t wait until you can’t take it anymore!can’t take it anymore!

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENTPOSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

Catch the child doing good!Catch the child doing good! Try to give rewards for right behavior, rather Try to give rewards for right behavior, rather

than focusing on what they do wrong.than focusing on what they do wrong. Talk with your child/children (turn off the Talk with your child/children (turn off the

television/computer/play station)television/computer/play station) Engage in activities with your childrenEngage in activities with your children Let your children witness you in a posture of Let your children witness you in a posture of

humility before the Lord.humility before the Lord.

One-in-Seven RuleOne-in-Seven Rule

Reward good behavior one out of seven Reward good behavior one out of seven times.times.

Works both ways, i.e. negative behavior Works both ways, i.e. negative behavior that goes unrecognized only one out of that goes unrecognized only one out of seven occurrences reinforces the negative seven occurrences reinforces the negative behavior.behavior.

Consistency is crucial!Consistency is crucial! Too much work?Too much work?