Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @StanfordBiz, Class 5: Resilience
Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @StanfordBiz, Class 7: VULNERABILITY
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Transcript of Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @StanfordBiz, Class 7: VULNERABILITY
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The art of
Photo by Philip Leara [link]
self-coaching
Ed BatistaClass 7:VULNERABILITY
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In the Spring…
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This week…
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Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Small groups 35 minsVulnerability 15 minsMeta-emotions 30 minsFor next time… 5 mins
Agenda
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Before we getdown to business
Photo by Charles Hutchins [link]
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Debrief in yourWhat was that like?How did it feel?
quartet
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Shame &empathy
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]
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Shame &Shame = I’m flawed & unworthyEmpathy = The antidote to shame
empathy
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Shame &Shame = Creates distanceEmpathy = Creates closeness
empathy
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Shame &Seeking help typically triggers shame(or embarrassment or vulnerability)True for many forms of disclosure
empathy
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Shame &But typical responses block empathy1. “Look on the bright side”2. “My problem’s worse”3. “Here’s some advice”
empathy
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Shame &Instead…1. Avoid judgments2. Sense & validate emotions3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
empathy
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VulnerabilityA storyI’ll start
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VulnerabilityNow it’s your turnSpread out with your quartet
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Vulnerability4 minutes for each of you to tell a story2 minutes for group to respondTiming will be key
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VulnerabilityHow might you push yourself?What would be too far?Reflect for a minute
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quartet Debrief in yourWhat happened?What did you experience?
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Thank your group
Photo by Minda Haas Kuhlmann [link]
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Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
Meaning-makingMental modelsConnectionsEmpathy
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Vulnerability
Image by Public Domain Review [link]
myths
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VulnerabilityBrené BrownVulnerability = oversharing or weaknessI don’t do vulnerabilityI can go it alone
myths
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VulnerabilitySo…If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions
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Meta-emotionJohn Gottman & Horst Mitmansgruber et alHow do we feel about how we feel?
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Meta-emotionFeelings (& thoughts) about our emotionsYet another set of mental models
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Meta-emotionDiscomfort with emotion
Feelings themselves become triggers
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Meta-emotionPossible with any emotionsParticularly salient with vulnerabilityPowerful (often destructive) responsesSuppression/denial, distance, acting out
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Meta-emotionReflect on your worksheets
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What does thistell me?
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What does thisReivich & ShattéABCs: Adversity Beliefs ConsequencesTraps: Tunnel vision, overgeneralize, conclusionsIcebergs: Achievement, acceptance, control
tell me?
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What can Ido about it?
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What can IReframingSelf-soothingTalking about feelingsLeave our comfort zones They tend to expand
do about it?
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VulnerabilityWhy discuss this here, now? Why does it matter?A powerful lever when we can manage itA destructive force when we can’t
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VulnerabilityAs leaders, you’ll manage it or you won’tYou’ll build a culture no matter what
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VulnerabilityOBVS: The real world ≠ a classroomThe underlying principles still applyIt’ll be up to you to translate them effectively
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UnhappinessSubjective points of viewStoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor FranklWhich ones are most meaningful to you?
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UnhappinessChödrön is a little out thereThat’s why Burkeman Ch. 3 is an option(Burkeman Ch 2. is required, not optional)
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& a (short) story…
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& a (short) story…After doing the reading, complete the
worksheetMultiple sources of unhappinessBe prepared to disclose oneYou’ll have 20 seconds
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& a (short) story…This exercise can be daunting
Please plan accordinglyPlease don’t be late
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Other items…Slides posted on my siteNext assignment due Tuesday 9pm