Dr. Kristin Witte

Rousseau (in Emile) said “Like childhood, adulthood was a calm sea, but the passage between the two periods is a stormy one.”

A Faith Based Response to

Crisis

(quote Pastoral Care from Renewing the Vision)

“A ministry of compassionate presence that enables healing and growth to

take place within individuals and their relationships. It nurtures growth toward

wholeness, it provides guidance in decision making and challenges obstacles to positive

development” (RTV)

Basics of Pastoral CareDefinition of Pastoral

Care

Helping acts done by representative Christian persons, directed towards the healing, sustaining, guiding and reconciling of troubled persons whose troubles arise in the context of ultimate meaning and concern

(Clebsch and Jaekle, 1967).

Definition of Pastoral Care

Leonard Sweet, Soul Tsunami p. 220

Relational Anorexia

Signs and Signals of Situation

6 Basic Pastoral Care Principles

1. Jesus wasn’t nice

6 Basic Principles

1. Jesus wasn’t nice, he was loving – love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries

2. Not ‘Confidential’ / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others

6 Basic Principles

1. Jesus wasn’t nice, he was loving – love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries

2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others

3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries

6 Basic Principles

1. Jesus wasn’t nice, he was loving – love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries

2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or

others3. What are your credentials? Know the

boundaries4.Triage not primary physician

6 Basic Principles

1. Jesus wasn’t nice, he was loving – love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries

2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others

3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries

4. Triage not primary physician5. Parents are our Partners – we are not young

people’s friend or peer – we are adults orchestrating other adults . . .

6 Basic Principles

1. Jesus wasn’t nice, he was loving – love is challenging and creating healthy boundaries

2. Confidentiality / not gossip Abuse or Danger to self or others

3. What are your credentials? Know the boundaries

4. Triage not primary physician5. Parents are our Partners – we are not young

people’s friend or peer – we are adults orchestrating other adults . . .

6. Be honest with teens – don’t lie to teens - don’t make promises (confidentiality) you can’t keep

6 Basic Principles

CommunicateCommunioCommemorateContinue

The Road to Emmaus –Lk 24:13-35

CONFLICT/ CONFRONTATION

Who’s comfortable with it?

Steps to Intervening - The 5 Point Formula 

I Care -- Let the person know you care about him/her and that because of the significance of the relationship

you need to discuss something very important.

I See -- Report/Review actual events with your friend, as you perceive them. Remember you are evaluating the behavior not the person. Try to limit your statements to

observable, irrefutable facts. The more you have, the better.

I Feel -- Tell the person your own feelings using “I statements” to reveal your feelings.

I Want -- Tell the person what you would like to see happen.

  I Will -- Specify what you will or will not do. Only set

ultimatums if you can, and will, stick to them.

Time to Meet Jillian. . .

ROLE PLAY

 What is a Youth Minister’s Role in regards to grieving teens or teens in crisis?

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross once said,

People are like stained glass windows.

They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,

but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed

only if there is a light from within.

Youth Minister’s RolePrayer and Healthy Boundaries

Youth Minister’s Role

Shut Up

Youth Minister’s Role

Verify the Facts

Youth Minister’s RoleKnow Your “Hooks”

Remember Who and Whose We Are

Roman Catholic Prayer/ Ritual

Roman Catholic Theology

Youth Minister’s RoleModel Healthy Expression

Youth Minister’s Role

RED FLAGS AND REFERRAL

Grief

•Profound concern for others (especially friends – cry b/c friend is sad)•Replaces loss with other addictive distracters (ex. drugs, alcohol) which call attention to pain. •Views death as inevitable, universal, and irreversible (unlike child)•Cognitively “gets it” – thinks like an adult.•Questions meaning of life if it ends in death.•Sees self as invincible and death as natural enemy.•May feel guilt, anger – even responsibility for death that occurred and Survivor guilt/Why not me?•Needs someone to talk and listen•Not sure how to handle emotion (both in public and in private)

How does adolescent grief differ from adult grief?

New understanding from “To Die”Now - To Stop PainNeurologically not wired for Long

Term/ Consequence focused decision making

Suicide

Crisis Response

CommunicateCommunioCommemorateContinue

The Road to Emmaus –Lk 24:13-35

1 When did you find out that ____ died? 2 What were your first thoughts/ feelings?3 What are your thoughts/ feelings now?4 Do any of you have a story or something special that you would

like to remember about ____? 5 Do you have any questions for me?   Do you think we can draw some pictures/ write some prayers/ make

cards for ______ and his family?What are some things we might put on a card or include in a prayer?

(write on board common sayings, etc.)

Adapted Seven Stage Critical Incident Stress Debriefing Model (Mitchell, 1983; Mitchell and Everly, 1996)

 

Debriefing ProcessFive Questions:

Memorial

As long as they are going to memorialize anyway. . .

Center it in who we are. . .

Prayer Chain Scholarship to their favorite Program/ Event Memory and Story Book (Hole Punch and Ribbon) Removal of Prayer Space – next natural break Returning Items to Family - If the deceased young person’s retreat letters, handprints, art, pictures, etc is displayed, do not remove it immediately. When it is removed, return it and the young person’s belongings to the family.

Don’t create a “memorial” you can’t live with in the long term.

Return to calendar and schedule after ritualistic closure.

Young people need structure, ritual and normalcy and can only grieve in small bursts. They often need permission to “play” after a loss.

Physical Exercise/ Ability to focus

Rememberance

Journal – given by YM to friends/ boyfriend with scripture quotes written in for their use over time.

Parent Information Session – opportunity to train parents after a loss about what they should look for – how to talk about loss with their kids, opportunity to pray together as community of parents

Opportunity to come together as community – why not holy hour or rosary “announced” via text message after loss, but also a year later?

Attempt to respond - Cancer death – relay for life team; “Livestrong” type bracelets for long term illness; Six months later let kids figure out advocacy regarding issue ex. drunk driving awareness program;

Afterwards

Self Care

Waiter with French Fries

Oxygen Mask

OXYGEN MASK

Loving God, make us strong enough to enter the vulnerability of the sick and struggling. Help us to be a light of strength in their suffering, a hope of redemption, and a consoling presence as we accompany them on their journey. We ask this in your name. Amen

Closing Prayer - All

Questions?