DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE …DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE 4th Grade...
Transcript of DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE …DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE 4th Grade...
DOCUMENT RESUME
ED 377 521 CS 214 699
TITLE 4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces.INSTITUTION Vermont State Dept. of Education, Montpelier.PUB DATE 94
NOTE 45p.; For related documents, see CS 214 698-700.PUB TYPE Guides Non-Classroom Use (055)
EDRS PRICE MF01/PCO2 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS *Evaluation Methods; *Grade 4; Intermediate Grades;
Portfolio Assessment; Student Evaluation; *StudentWriting Models; *Writing (Composition); *WritingEvaluation
IDENTIFIERS *Vermont
ABSTRACTThe writing samples presented in this paper were
selected from the portfolios of fourth-grade Vermont students asexamples of the various points in Vermont's newly revised analyticwriting assessment guide. The benchmark writing pieces in the paper,when used with the analytic assessment guide that begins the paper,are guideposts for assessing student work. The paper presents fourbenchmark pieces for each of the five "dimensions" of writing:purpose, organization, details, voice or tone, andgrammar/usage/mechanics. Each benchmark piece is accompanied by achart indicating whether the piece extensively, frequently,sometimes, or rarely incorporates the five dimensions of writing. Astudent writing sample forms the cover pages for the paper. (RS)
************************************************************.e.::*%:.:...
Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be madefrom the original document.
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I
y.t ,00 ,(-014g,IATI4.E 4th Grade
WritingBenchmark Pieces
PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THISMATERIAL HAS BEEN GRANTED BY
TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCESINFORMATION CENTER (ERIC)"
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Purp
ose:
Pur
pose
ref
ers
toho
w a
dequ
atel
y th
e au
thor
's in
tent
is e
stab
lishe
d an
dm
aint
aine
d w
ithin
the
wri
ting.
The
pur
pose
shou
ld s
tand
on
its o
wn
with
in a
piec
e of
wri
ting,
and
not
be d
epen
dent
upo
n th
ere
ader
's k
now
ledg
e of
the
actu
al w
ritin
g
assi
gnm
ent.
"Pur
pose
" im
plie
sthe
pur
pose
with
in th
e w
iltin
g,ra
ther
than
the
purp
ose
ofth
e w
ritin
g. I
mpo
rtan
tfac
tors
that
may
con
trib
ute
toth
e au
thor
's s
ucce
ss in
esta
blis
hing
and
mai
ntai
ning
pur
pose
incl
ude:
con
sist
ent a
war
enes
sof
audi
ence
;
cons
iste
nt f
ocus
that
isap
prop
riat
e to
the
audi
ence
and
the
purp
ose.
Org
aniz
atio
n: O
rgan
izat
ion
isth
e de
gree
to w
hich
the
wri
,r:
wor
k ill
ustr
ates
uni
ty a
ndco
here
nce.
Wri
ting
that
disp
lays
"uni
ty"
does
not
leav
e id
eas
orin
form
atio
n ha
ngin
g; "
cohe
renc
e"ex
ists
whe
n se
nten
ces
are
logi
cally
and
cle
arly
rel
ated
to
one
anot
her,
and
appr
opri
ate
tran
sitio
ns m
ove
the
piec
e fo
rwar
d.
Det
ails
: Det
ails
con
trib
ute
toth
e de
velo
pmen
t of
idea
s,pr
ovid
e in
form
atio
n, e
voke
imag
es,a
nd e
labo
rate
or
clar
ify
the
cont
ent
of th
e w
ritin
g. W
hen
deta
ils a
re "
elab
orat
ed,"
they
are
not
sim
ply
liste
d: th
ey a
dvan
ceth
e pu
rpos
e of
the
wri
ting!
Voi
ce o
r T
one:
Voi
ce is
the
pers
onal
ity o
f a
piec
eof
wri
ting.
Ton
e is
the
attit
ude
tow
ard
the
subj
ect,
and
shou
ld v
ary
acco
rdin
g
to a
udie
nce,
pur
pose
, gen
rean
d fo
rm. F
or e
xam
ple,
ape
rson
al n
arra
tive
may
hav
e a
com
pelli
ng v
oice
and
a r
esea
rch
pape
r
may
hav
e an
enga
ging
tone
; bot
h ca
nre
flec
t the
per
sona
l inv
olve
men
tand
cho
ice
of th
e au
thor
. One
way
to c
heck
for
voi
ce
is to
rea
d a
piec
eal
oud:
doe
s it
have
aco
nver
satio
nal t
one,
or
a se
nse
ofun
ique
Inv
olve
men
t? I
nlo
okin
g fo
r ap
prop
riat
e
tone
, ask
whe
ther
the
wri
ting
proj
ects
a s
ense
of a
utho
rity
or
a st
ance
that
is c
onsi
sten
t to
the
wri
ting'
s pu
rpos
e.
Gra
mm
ar/U
sage
/Mec
hani
cs:
the
conv
entio
ns o
f w
ritin
g.In
son
ic c
ases
, the
wri
ter
may
inte
ntio
nally
dep
art f
rom
conv
entio
nal E
nglis
h; w
here
such
dep
artu
re is
eff
ectiv
e,th
e w
rite
r m
ay b
e ju
dged
to"s
how
com
man
d of
GA
YM
."W
here
laps
es f
rom
con
vent
iona
lEng
lish
are
not i
nten
tiona
l,th
e re
ader
sho
uld
look
for
pat
tern
s.A
sin
gle
wor
d,m
issp
elle
d on
ce
or th
roug
hout
api
ece
of w
ritin
g, c
ount
s as
asi
ngle
err
or; w
hen
seve
ral
wor
ds a
re m
issp
elle
d, a
"pat
tern
of
erro
rs"
is n
oted
.
Sim
ilarl
y, a
sin
gle
type
ofp
unct
uatio
n er
ror
thro
ugho
ut a
piec
e sh
ould
cou
nt a
s a
sing
le e
rror
; a v
arie
ty o
fpun
ctua
tion
erro
rs
cons
titut
es a
"pa
ttern
."W
ritin
g at
the
"som
etim
es"
leve
l has
err
ors
that
"di
stra
ct"
the
read
erno
te th
at th
ese
are
erro
rs
of G
ram
mar
/Lis
age/
Mec
hani
cs,no
t of
orga
niza
tion
or p
urpo
se.
In a
"ra
rely
" pi
ece,
the
GA
IN e
rror
s no
t onl
ydi
stra
ct, t
hey
inte
rfer
e w
ith th
e re
ader
'sun
ders
tand
ing
of th
e w
ritin
g.
3
n
Ver
mon
tWri
ting
Ass
essm
ent
Ana
lytic
Ass
essm
entG
uide
In a
sses
sing
,co
nsid
er...
Ask
how
cons
iste
ntly
,re
lativ
e to
leng
th a
ndco
mpl
exity
...
Ext
ensi
vely
Freq
uent
ly
Purp
ose
..ho
w a
dequ
atel
y in
tent
and
focu
s ar
c es
tabl
ishe
d an
dm
aint
aine
d (s
ucce
ss in
this
crite
rion
sho
uld
not
depe
nd o
n
the
read
er's
kno
wle
dge
of th
e
wri
ting
assi
gnm
ent:
the
wri
ting
shou
ld s
tand
on
its o
wn)
inte
nt is
est
ablis
hed
and
mai
ntai
ned
with
in a
giv
enpi
ece
of w
ritin
g
Org
aniz
atio
n
..coh
eren
ce.
whe
ther
idea
s or
info
rmat
ion
are
in lo
gica
l seq
uenc
e or
mov
e
the
piec
e fo
rwar
dw
heth
er s
ente
nces
and
imag
esar
e cl
earl
y re
late
d to
each
oth
er(I
nden
ting
para
grap
hs is
am
atte
r
of G
ram
mar
/Usa
ge/M
echa
nics
)
the
wri
ting
dem
onst
rate
sco
here
nce
Det
ails
whe
ther
det
ails
dev
elop
idea
s
or in
form
atio
n_w
heth
er d
etai
ls e
labo
rate
or
clar
ify
the
cont
ent o
f th
ew
ritin
g
with
imag
es, c
aref
ulex
plan
atio
n,
effe
ctiv
e di
alog
ue, p
aren
thet
ical
expr
essi
ons,
sta
ge d
irec
tions
.et
c
deta
ils c
ontr
ibut
e to
deve
lopm
ent
of id
eas
and
info
rmat
ion,
evok
e
imag
es o
r ot
herw
ise
elab
orat
eor
clar
ify
the
cont
ent o
f th
ew
ritin
g
Voi
ce o
r T
one
..whe
ther
the
wri
ting
disp
lays
a n
atur
al s
tyle
,ap
prop
riat
e to
the
narr
ator
or w
heth
er th
e to
neof
the
wri
ting
is a
ppro
pria
teto
its
cont
ent
an a
ppro
pria
te v
oice
or
lone
is e
stab
lishe
dan
d
mai
ntai
ned
Gra
nuna
r/U
sage
/Nie
chan
ics
the
conv
entio
ns o
fwri
ting.
incl
udin
g
'Gra
mm
ar (
e.g.
sen
tenc
e st
ruct
ure.
synu
x)'U
sage
(e.
g. a
gree
men
t and
wor
d
choi
ce)
°Mec
hani
cs (
e g
Spoi
ling,
capi
taliz
a
lion,
pun
ctua
tion)
As
appr
opri
ate
togr
ade
leve
l.
com
man
d of
con
vent
ions
is e
vide
nt.
thro
ugh
corr
ect E
nglis
h or
inte
ntio
nal.
effe
ctiv
e de
part
ure
from
conv
entio
ns
Est
ablis
hes
and
mai
ntai
ns a
clea
r
purp
ose
and
focu
s,
Est
ablis
hes
a pu
rpos
e an
dfo
cus.
f
Org
aniz
ed f
rom
beg
inni
ng to
end,
logi
cal p
rogr
essi
onof
idea
s,
flue
nt a
nd c
oher
ent.
Org
aniz
atio
n m
oves
wri
ting
forw
ard
with
few
laps
es in
unity
or c
oher
ence
.
Is a
utho
r's f
ocus
clea
rw
ithin
the
wri
ting?
INoI
Som
etim
es A
ttem
ptsto
est
ablis
h a
purp
ose;
focu
s of
wri
ting
isno
t ful
ly c
lear
.
Rar
ely
Purp
ose
and
focu
s no
tapp
aren
t.
IYes
Det
ails
are
per
tinen
t, vi
vid
orex
plic
it an
d pr
ovid
e id
eas/
info
rmat
ion
in d
epth
.
Det
ails
dev
elop
idea
s/in
form
atio
n:
or d
etai
ls a
reel
abor
ated
.
Doe
s th
e or
gani
zatio
nm
ore
the
wri
tingf
orw
ard?
IN
oI
Lap
sc(s
) in
org
aniz
atio
n af
fect
unity
or
cohe
renc
e.
Yes
Dis
tinct
ive
pers
onal
expr
essi
on o
r di
stin
ctiv
eto
ne e
nhan
ces
the
wri
ting.
Est
ablis
hes
pers
onal
ex-
pres
sion
or
effe
ctiv
e to
ne.
Do
deta
ils e
nhan
cean
d/or
cla
rify
tbe
wri
ting?
Seri
ous
erro
rs in
org
aniz
atio
nm
ake
wri
ting
diff
icul
t to
follo
w.
1Yes
iC
an y
ou b
ear
thew
riter
?O
n is
the
tone
effe
ctii.
e?
Det
ails
lack
ela
bora
tion,
mer
ely
liste
d or
unn
eces
sari
lyre
petit
ious
.
Det
ails
are
min
imal
,in
appr
opri
ate,
or r
ando
m.
IN
o
Atte
mpt
s pe
rson
alex
pres
sion
or
appr
opri
ate
tone
.
Pers
onal
exp
ress
ion
or a
ppro
pria
teto
ne n
otev
iden
t.
NO
NS
CO
RA
BIE
is il
legi
ble:
i.e.
,in
clud
es s
o m
any
inde
ciph
erab
le w
ords
that
no
sens
e ca
n be
mad
eof
the
writ
ing,
or
* is
inco
here
nt: i
.e.,
wor
ds a
re le
gibl
e bu
t syn
tax
Is s
o ga
rble
d th
at r
espo
nse
mak
es n
o se
nse,
or
* is
a b
lank
pie
ce o
f pap
er*
For
Por
tfolio
: Doe
sno
t hav
e re
qui,
edm
inim
um c
onte
nts
Few
or
no e
rror
s pr
esen
t, or
depa
rtur
es f
rom
con
yntim
app
ear
inte
ntio
nal a
nd a
re e
ffec
tive
Som
e er
rors
or
patte
rns
of e
rror
s
are
pres
ent
tic's
Doe
s tr
iling
sho
wgr
ade
- ap
prop
riate
com
man
d of
G,IL
V,1
1?
No
Num
erou
s er
rors
arc
app
aren
tan
d
may
dis
trac
t the
rend
er.
Err
ors
inte
rfer
e w
ithun
ders
tand
ing
0199
.1 V
erm
ont D
epar
tmen
tof
Edu
catio
n
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Introduction
T he writing samples that follow were selected from the portfoliosof fourth grade Vermont students as examples of the variouspoints on Vermont's newly-revised analytic writing assessmentguide. These benchmark writing pieces, when used with the
analytic assessment guide, are guideposts for assessing student work.
The Vermont Department of Education expresses its deep gratitude to theanonymous student authors of the following pieces, and to their teachersand parents for granting us permission to publish these works.
The Department also wishes to recognize the considerable efforts of itswriting network leaders and especially to thank those network leaderswho served on the 1994 benchmarking committees:
Fourth GradeBetty BoudreauSusan CollinsNioka HoustonJeanne KorstangeShayne TrubiszAnn RexSusan Biggam
Eighth GradeAndrew GreenHasse HalleyGordon KorstangeIrina MarkovaJoyce RoofJoan SimmonsMimi BrailsfordGeof Hewitt
7
2
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Table of Contents
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Benchmarks for "Purpose"5 Fuzzy Shadow7 Printers9 The Seaturtle King10 Christmas in Italy
Benchmarks for "Organization"13 Grandfather's Boat15 Sugar16 The Most Money I've Ever Found18 Elf
Benchmarks for "Details"22 Reading23 We Became Friends24 The Wilderness26 Macaroni and Cheese
Benchmarks for "Voice or Tone"28 Riboflavin29 Rhythum and Shoes30 The Great Closet Discovery32 The Box
Benchmarks for"Grammar/Usage/Mechanics"35 Oldest Brother37 Mr. Botts38 Rhythem and Shoes39 The Rage of Clue
8
3
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
PurposeIn assessing, ...how adequately intent and
consider... focus arc established andmaintained (success in thiscriterion should not depend onthe reader's knowledge of thewriting assignment: thewriting should stand on itsown)
Ask how consistently, intent is established and
relative to length and maintained within a given
complexity... piece of writing
Extensively Establishes and maintains aclear purpose and focus.
Frequently Establishes a purpose andfocus.
Yes
Is author's focus clearwithin the writing?
No 1
Sometimes Attempts to establish apurpose; focus of writing isnot fully clear.
Rarely Purpose and focus notapparent.
0
4
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
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4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
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Fuzzy shadowP- It's possible to figure out that this is about a horse, but it is very confusing. Not anapparent focus to the piece.
0- Not easily followed. Sentences and images are not clearly related to each other. Use of"Hey" seems to signal a jump, but it doesn't help the reader.
G/U/M Some errors, but they do not distract the reader.
Fuzzy ShadowOrganization Details Voice or Tone G/U/MPurpose
Extensively
Frequently VSometimes V VRarely Purpose and
focus notapparent
611
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
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4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Printers11- Writer seems to have a purpose (describing printers), but the focus is definitely not clwr
is the point here to inform, to entertain or to compare?
GUM- S Numerous errors relative to length; they do distract
PrintersPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAVIVI
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes Attempts to estab-lish a purpose;focus of writing isnot fully clear
4/
Rarely
8
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
5-A, Se, -/ --1/fiv
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The Seaturtle KingP- The poem has a purpose creating a murky atmosphere and describing the threat of the sea turtle tothe other creatures of the sea. The focus of the poem is not fully clear to some readers without rereading.
0- Writing moves forward, but the first stanza has some lapses that affect coherence (Hawaii... squid)
GAIN- Inconsistent use of punctuation. Handwriting might bias/distract the reader a little, but F (not S)because &WM errors do not distract the reader..
The Seaturtle KingPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M
Extensively
l- requently
Sometimes
Rarely
Establishes apurpose andfocus
9
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4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
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10
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Christmas in ItalyP- Establishes and maintains a clear purpose and focus onItalian ancestors' Christmas celebration. Although the description is not elaborated andsophisticated, the piece achieves what it set out to do meets the descriptors for E.
0- Ideas flow well to support author's purpose and focus.
WI- Effective tone but not distinctive.
G&W- Verb tense changes toward the end; inappropriate use of semicolon, some spellingerrors but writing is easily understood without distraction.
Christmas in Italy .
Purpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/ IM
Extensively Establishes andmaintains a clearpurpose and focus
V
Frequently V V VSometimes
Rarely
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
OrganizationIn assessing,
consider...
Ask howconsistently,
relative to lengthand complexity...
...coherence:...whether Ideas or informationare In logical sequence or movethe piece forward...whether sentences and imagesare clearly related to each other(Indenting paragraphs is a matterof Grammar/Usage/Mechanics)
the writing demonstrates coher-ence
Extensively
Frequently
Organized from beginning toend, logical progression of ideas,fluent and coherent.
Organization moves writingforward with few lapses in unityor coherence.
Sometimes
1 Yes
Does the organizationmove the writing
forward?
I No I
Lapse(s) in organization affectunity or coherence.
Rarely Serious errors In organizationmake writing difficult to follow.
1r
12
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Grandfather's Boat
When I when't to the bot I when't ofthe weekend.It is my grandfather's
Il nItC,Inl1m1n t11Gn 'n Lhnt T came home
monday Aug.30,1993.My grafatherdrovethe bot.I when't with my sisterJessica,my gradmother andgrandfather.The bot is in alake.We werein New York.We were in port henre.Whenwe got there we when't swimming.[when't nightswimming with gramna andpapa.And of cors my sister Jessica.Wewere in the water most of the time.Thehot staytes at mereno bowey 39.1 alsowwoks every night before we when't tobed.We when't to the store and got hotfog sundays.We alsow so a paper millit is a huge gray bilding.That is whatthe paper mill locks like.At night thepaper mill is all lite up.1t lock'smuch prettyer when it is all liteup?There is slot of smoke that camesout of the paper mill.The paper mill is
somthing that makes paper.That is whereall the paper comes from.The papermill really smells bad.We drove to theMereno.The hot was all ready there.Thenwe put are logige In and my grafatherdrove the hot to port henry.On sundaywe got hot fug sondays.We walk up tothe ice cream store.lhe Ice cream storewas near Kmart.I really like myOrandparents.They are my Momus
)4.parints.We were in lake ShampePlain.First we were in Vermont then onthe hot we crost under the New York
WA, brige.Then we went to port henery.Mygrandparints own the bot.The hot isreally hig.It is red,white and blue.Youcan sleep on the hot.We whent on schoolvecashin.My Mom and Dad had to work.
THE END ?
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Grandfather's Boat0- Serious errors in organization make it very difficult to follow. Reader needs more informa-'ion to have piece move forward to follow the writer's ideas. This is a clear example ofserious errors in organization.
D- Details are present, but lack elaboration and don't contribute to the development of ideas,information. Some repetition.
Grandfather's BoatPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAM
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes d V 1/
Rarely
Serious errors inorganization makewriting difficult to follow
61/
]3
14
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
SugarP- P- Writer's purpose involves reporting about sugar, but focus is not clear effects? benefits?description?
0- Each sentence relates to the topic but sequencing is weak. Sentences shift back and forthbetween facts about sugar and effects of sugar.
G/II/M- Relative to length, there are some errors here (commas, subject/verb agreement), butnot distracting.
SugarPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/A4
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
Lapse(s) in organizationaffect unity or coherence
15
2 0 BES1 COPY AVAILABLE
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
o 5-4,s
Tfru, M 4- Mon e..13 Ever Fou-hs
LU - kdua.Lkilrtl 4.0
SC,. v SO rYtells:or g i. Jet
E road. I __ 0 Vt.', to see,. _Am
LA) a.c . 14- pea. rc to bc, 6L-
°int km, in ci.vegu cZoLL(L 41 i;rn +Ka
+1(ec-+ FL 4.1 e-d. p
_a _ ho prIm _ . +0(, 4._ rn_y_raorrt;
--S he vct,ti (Law ri thy. _ ÷-41-1_rS S1-,
_CU/ o 1/71_erc. she ._50-Zet)cc A re
-JCL tkcarlj. C 1_ 5 .0.4,1 _'_c f-
41.0t h dal za,nta_
°60kv-h hit-- 5 f-aiirs L r World.4, rid c
s4. ) 6 W .1 A.-1- -1 s (AM/ t1 g. corn _ten oAA
afto?cc
_ Frior,n seje 7 &Mel
o LA,ii ..G 0 n-c hell.ind..ke4 -
rs fi c S4- rc.e4:1 41 45110 y .1"«
re5 &a y PIf ale &art tfoto r f +a t 1-1
po GI cc: 50. I, Cti. net OM . "do 1,ticqn. "Yes tAt
Scaak) CNcLi szt-sy come cur..Sy 9c." we loci<90 t c. s4-0,441, o h . 1"1"?.. e
21
16
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4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Most Money0- Easily followed. but there are a few lapses. Dialogue sometimes confusing and 90t wellconnected to what precedes/follows it.
1)- Details help to clarify, and do develop the ideas of the piece. Details might be calledunelaborated in this piece, but they seem to work well because they fit with the somewhatbreathless tone.
ViT- Personal expression; good choice of nouns, descriptive verbs as well as realistic dialogue.
GLUM- Paragraphing missing, comma errors but they do not distract the reader.
Most MoneyPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAVIVI
Extensively
Frequently veWriting moves forwardwith kw lapses in unityor coherence
V V
Sometimes
Rarely
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
2,118
I
S
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
"ttheitA-, 4
\-wa. ',ctA,
/CeUfted'WP,X) ,2tertaft:;
13.(it _w6dt
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-(74'4
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V
iterti-61
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(C.,
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1/
4.4tryn-e 41414/
ftAitt4C/
(42-41-1
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24
19BEST COPY AVAILABLE
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
ii
.4-11.)ict
L c"-"(aitIL:
,h'etini-' /l ^t IC(1 ,11 AL ,r-ti
JW-414 Ah.ait I
tra, L ,f-Lua,# i
42_ ,oua,k--f c
.410x.6, k.,-c-ACPP,11"\CTOL-C-60
tca Alt SCI
At-kc
2' A --wcit /nit
rttElf
0- Complex story. Dialogue is fluent and connected well supports the focus of the story.
G/1.1/M- Errors that are present are incidental in view of the complexity of this piece.
ElfPurpose Organization Details Voice or Ibne GAIN
Extensively ,ir Organized from beginningto end, logical progressionof Ideas, fluent Andcohesive
gool
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
2520
BEST COPY AVAILABLE
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
DetailsIn assessing,
consider...
Ask howconsistently,
relative to lengthand complexity...
...whether details develop ideasor information...whether details elaborate orclarify the content of the writingwith images, careful explanation,effective dialogue, parentheticalexpressions, stage directions, etc.
details conulbute to developmentof ideas and information, evokeimages or otherwise elaborate orclarify the content of the writing
Extensively
Frequently
Details are pertinent, vivid orexplicit and provide ideasiinforma-tion in depth.
Details develop ideas/information;or details are elaborated.
1 Yes
Do details enhanceand/or clarify the
writing?
Sometimesi No I--
Details lack elaboration, merelylisted or unnecessarily repetitious.
Rarely Details are minimal, inappropriate,or random.
26
21
9th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
ILLot A_A1y,2--raft/11-
1,L-671.-,. -at le-e,b)!Ar 1242._
d _x_duke9- /),w[ letso_A,(/- 1 ae Atht cid kii-t.do-L
cie 4\ ---Co-uldt .
AILOILL.
ReadingFocus not clear
0- Sentences not clearly related to each other, but writing can he followed.
D- Details are random they do not really support each other.
G/LVM- Some errors (relative to length and complexity) -
ReadingPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone
Extensively
Frequem ly
Sometimes
Rarely lktails areinalwropri,ite, iKrandom
GAM
V
22
S
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
We Became Friends
/':1 VcX d 1-6) 1q -C
Ai--6+ '0 -0 ((cli.; Bed( (.--pvd-3 ak,,c46cov,:c,s,ve pi4i+5 et 11 v vid iv,kcich(10 tr./ lie V. i/J)
(IC 0 'S',144-- cod GliAH-a Vift3i 1/1
1 tSs 1\4611-) c /1/0147(P t's L red? H / 94i-is-
/V. its-11) Pcm k195 qvi aro 1:-Ad
/".v_e.s, s', Ploy , 6'5 AlaH ve. w ci i- -10 e lei4 -Ng11.4
-124 it /c9 k (I) (42( S'e3 ( (.1)
--10L9 e to
We Became FriendsP- Topic is there, but lacks focus
U- Details are present, but they are simply listed and do not enhance or clarify the writing.
Va.- Personal expression/approp. tone not evident in this piece which is describing a friend.
GLUM- Numerous errors (spelling, word usage, lack of caps, over-used caps) distract the reader.
We Became FriendsPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
Details lark elabor-ation, merely listedor unnecessarilyrepititious
23 7773---BES1 COPY AVAILABLE
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
-7
Lon&The b,0A-3-Lc4,aAALkciD
oy\E The._1L4 jerial ace urnorl9
--c
:29
24
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4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Wilderness (shape poem)P- Purpose is established (shape poem), but focus is not maintained throughout (relative tolength and complexity). Title is misleading.
0- Images are clearly related to each other.
D- Details are effective and create a picture within the reader's mind but not vivid.
WildernessPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M
Extensively V VFrequently
VDetails developideas/Information;or details areelaborated
V
Sometimes
Rarely
25
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Macaroni and Cheese
CA.601-A-
frio,c,cx.ron _Lnikk
(T1 (-On I r CC...de
5 or v r/1,9 Maxie. Son)(_,
Vc-U it .Ia.nj 4 fu,1 :)1J-f iikE
.tArrjouj, 1112.e riA_Yver
firs S Dcol. etA.: 11/4 ..1re,-\*
ri (1 0,-1 15 C.. a- I- .c, IA} c,514. sec sic A-Pi-e r()9 piece L f Ica__ Of P 01,9
na93 uue6\- 0Nna
bif inj c.ko3 710.co on Ole \-Ae-0.A. fr\co 11-1,9 Nom
fr le u..1" 1 her plc -le. So UPS
n ct..,The-11 tiers bYd- 1/41,cca_
C f113_bc_o hes:_iir ;ea.)," Yln (2-1; 1)10%17)
1.0 Let )iac,. F CL 5 ckaelen;cpl_op)._._
cs onfo AFtes- _we e___A_QxkiNeci
of,ck o,a_,/e. T.0-0-o _0- _rnom. .1to\a. ao_cx Lo\)o-i
6.1na cbE _Lxse. Ever. soccslcuzk_ a. ve.c e\neas-c-_,
cx, -
Macaroni and CheeseD- Details are vivid and pertinent. They create a real picture for the reader, and enhance the tone.
GUM- A few errors (wen't, missing commas, all one paragraph?) but overall strong command ofconventions.
Macaroni and CheesePurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GLUM
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes
Details are pertinent.vivid or explicit andprovide Ideas,information in depth
VI
Rarely
263 1
REST COPY AVAILABLE
I4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Voice or ToneIn assessing,
consider...
Ask howconsistently,
relative to lengthand complexity...
...whether the writing displays anatural style, appropriate to thenarrator...or whether the tone of thewriting is appropriate to itscontent
an appropriate voice or tone isestablished and maintained
Extensively
Frequently
Distinctive personal expressionor distinctive tone enhances thewriting.
Establishes personal expressionor effective tone.
Yes
Can you bear the writer/Or, Ls the tone effective?
No I
Sometimes
Rarely
Attempts personal expression orappropriate tone.
Personal expression orappropriate tone not evident.
32
27
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
RiboflavinP- Topic is evident, but focus is not clear uses of riboflavin? where it's found?
wr- Flat tone; no evidence of appropriate (informative, explanatory) tone for the purpose ofthis piece.
RiboflavinPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GLUM
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely Personal expression orappropriate tone notevident
28BEST COPY AVAILABLE 3
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
4Ane, . and S
lake . 17-13 e 1)704 of l,e p dancte c/oijdd 14e. Pori- 4...17ct) 4-134. 4-61PP2-71 de.
0)11_ .1A))).0. 5Aqi doj 5. a 5J-rke boys danc.c.. 0 0 . /CA I
Wit0 d,d. ci. ba c/-5.. 7/ 10/1c s GA 'a1 0-r
p ra tc.e._ 10 don c.e e- /la e. cAier)-/-
New PGP/p S ic_, /.0 5 e e_ Hy! k r) 0(-) s1,0Q s
o c., /a/ - clan -14c1 71- ale (,LA rt
/0/ 0-r. peop/Q - /J5 f, e- ha n d
(1)bnc... clap /: lie 111 'too.
-iv .30.....cand _1.1,14 c ,
Rythtun and shoesV/T- Attempt at approp. tone (response to a performance) ("It takes a lot of practice to dancelike that...") but not effectively used for most of the piece.
G/11/M- Errors (spelling, sentence fragnent, missing capitals, no Indentation) distract.
Rythum and ShoesPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M
Extensively
Frequently 6/Sometimes
600Attempts personalexpression or appropriatetone
Rarely
293BESI COPY AVAILAnt
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
f J _
O
t -As-- 1. /11:1.4P1( Lcal1
J i
1r( CI _Ali __A -I --13. A.ccALCILL1
0 ,1I
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licr
S
prrA I rt 1, 7\11
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f -14 II -113.4.\I `- ..1 _A111 i.tiktIT
J(at al `r
1 , ErY1,1tIP
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30,BEST COPY AVAILABLE
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
The Great Closet DiscoveryP- Excellent follow-through in piece; clear focus
D- Elaborated details but depth isn't there. Some over-use of "beautiful".
Va. Good use of conversation. You can hear the writer, but not distinctive.
G/LVM- Very few errors (some spelling and punctuation) relative to length and complexity.
The Great Closet DiscoveryPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GIU/M
Extensively V' VFrequently Establishes personal
expression or appropriatetone
Sometimes
Rarely
31 3
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Q. !100
41'4r rn
filfI
id
ll
tvci ifj I I tuf:_a
al ()/Aff(71
1-16diri t j r5o f 110 Q4 ell,Cr 144 5 C- e/ WI/ a
is_9' boy rL he 4tri
fleerd foU rjo,s7.7,
cede tv716 1-1 7--
-C4'1
11.1! Cor0Pr5 tnf
tvrt < 1(1 li P r ruck"
thn tA/64
I af_vi_
thy !rriji.011(14
c
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oryii_____5[7e
bI(l<P1I C2061 iLhP ihrofr
32
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Ltlit I" _J4/4,5. L(L) if-45z)
uilgi gin P(e 1
'/)K
Errs r13_104 j or (icy/ k f-te4-5 7-1?:
11,11, C,__O Clil Ph 1 t r5 care4 rF kir//ea5,o
row r _cot? dr'T .\(/5 _041- warm m
T fraeil Methe
7or 7il-e()-,1
The Box0- Logical, fluent, coherent. Organization is a real strength of this paper. And, dialogue is"transitioned in" well.
D- Details are vivid and evoke images. Writer develops them in depth.
Va- Spooky tone for purpose. Writer effectively builds mystery. Conversation with selfenhances story.
G/U/M- Errors in spelling, punctuation and word omissions are distracting in this otherwiseengaging story.
The BoxPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M
ExtensivelyV V
Distinctive personalexpression or distinctivetone enhances the writing
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
333 3
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Grammar/ Usage/Mechanics
In assessing,consider...
Ask howconsistently,
relative to lengthand complexity...
...the conventions of writing,including:
'Grammar (e.g. sentencestructure, syntax)
Usage (e.g. agreement and wordchoice)'Mechanics (e.g. spelling,
capitalization, punctuation)
As appropriate to grade level,command of conventions isevident, through correct English orintentional, effective departurefrom conventions
Extensively
Frequently
Few or no errors present: ordepartures from conventionappear intentional and areeffective.
Some crror or patterns of errorsarc present.
Yes
Does writing showgrade-approprtatecommand of G/U/M?
Sometimes
Rarely
No
Numerous errors are apparentand may distract the reader.
Errors interfere withunderstanding.
A 1)
34
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Oldest Brother
(1.7.,..10 Q.11,;11j -41r l'i-i-\ _,V44.:A fr(\,f_, (7,VC_Cz.. 1.4 -iyi.,-u--;'JAI' `7/1
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Air
11.11.1a_JW 0 (1
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BEST COP,' ?"'IlLABLE
35
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
P- Attempts to establish the purpow 01 Olin)! ,
0- Most of the thinking urn he followc.l. hiti in,' I, II, t ,( ti
affects unity and coherence. Not sti lin)! l',1111111
0- Mostly generic details (dark, spool. vi
I 1,t'inillk
conversation heiween die ,tit ,111( I ,i1 qq, t' howC\Vi.
seems perfunctory, so it weakens the clIcLi Liri ll ticr,,iiively .111c, Is tun('
CliLlitvt- Errors in spelling, plinclumion. Lid.: 01 quomtion nod interkle(More than just distracting).
Oldest BrotherPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
(A.1/11.1
Errors interfere withunderstandinv
36
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Mr. Botts
Ord!" Mr, 111111'1
11111, [Ill 11ff,1111'1,11'11 1111111 11111111.j111111111111 !Well dl 1111111(101j.
111(1 Will know that leigh 1s lien! mail about how you lostBandit Si i 110111 Mal 11(1(1 lust flandit. Leigh is very very sad. I
don't think leiyh is going to tor give you for that. Why don'tyou ever take lulu!' to out for pizza.? You only tack leigh outto the loundry mat and the library. Ob. and why don't lionever call him our to him. I hone you find eanditbecause Leltjh would be much happyer. I hope you'r satisfiedwith what gnu 11(111P done. well I gess Mats all I have to sayfor know.
Sencerely
Mr. BottsI'- Purpose of letter (to a book character) is established but not fully clear. Additional inforniationwould help the focus of the letter.
0- Not easily followed. Relationship between sentences not linked well td..Ithis ajects coherence
0- Details lack elaboration
V/T- Reader can hear the writer but not distinctive voice or tone.
G/U/M- Spelling errors, sentence fragments, lack of capitalization, etc. distract the reader, butdon't interfere with understanding.
Mr. BottsPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAI/M
Extensively
Frequently VSometimes
Rarely
V
VNumerous errors areapparent and distractthe reader
37 42
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Rhythem and Shoes
C17 0,d/t) (-)/1/
IA0 oc.5 151 tja)e_lI ,
Ca le -7///2 /I) 5 ()///0_)cdh/ Ai/. 1) ((-)01ilej (0)9'
t'kedr_ -f C (4-:c ,
tioc) ctr e o(1
-p)ey ;/,z-f)Tlie/ oryr c_ I v )
dc40c/f/i9 livid /c(-41
50 Iv Si-Kr(' oiut,(1( / /131 ho.fri/ Olve 1A-A)7)1(' )
71-60 q rOgt.P# 71/W 015 CIL { (.1
Rhythem and ShoesP- Purpose and focus arc established (reaction to performance giving opinion) but not clearly.
0- Sentences not well related to each other affects unity and coherence.
1)- Not elaborated
WU- Attempt at appropriate tone just barely ("I might recommend this to somebody")
GUM- Some errors in spelling (rhythem, reccommend) and a Missini; period at the end of asentence. Relative to length and complexity- F. Again, beware of possible handwriting bias.
Rhythem and ShoesPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone
1:xtensively
1-requently
Sometimes
Rarely
G/LI/M
Some errors or pattern%("terror; MC present
38
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4
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
THL !IL ('1,111.:
un(- %!hr.r1 I \./.i'; .11)1Mitye,Tir!: .i1)(111t 3t-.21ct1 liti it)
(71f. %.)ith mv k)r-c-thf,r,my f:;1! Paic-Ae, and my
T rr 1 1 rl I he. . Hadsix Cthf2.! ,at-f2 just crlucf-3). mYsister- called a two. my Hr-othera ane. and I coiled .3
Dad and I had to roll acia i n so wc-Old. Dad railed a five and I railed afour_
We were sittind' in this-accanclement: Dad was on one side.l-11s left sat Jeremy. Next to himrr-w and neD.,:t to me sat Paide.
he TOshoulear:T;le
1
tEi'lnce
sat
Ince Dad got the highest number,t to go first. Dad thought itd go clockwise since that was thest way for it ta da.was so young then I thought itightfully my turn to go next
I got the second highest numiDer.Now we were In the wrong order.1 Bald, "I WA
Then everybody saand threw itupstairs andcried.
I pion tsere
NT TO GO SECOND!!!"id."01<ay," but I wascked up the Cluebaardhe floor! Then I ranamed my head off and
Dad came up and tried to calm medawn.
After that I came downstairs andplayed a regular game of Clue withDeici, Jeremy, and Palcie.
After my .rage I felt ashamed.
39
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BEST COPY AVAILABLE
4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces
Rage of ClueI'- Purpose established: focus is sometimes confusing.
) Writing moves forward NV6 few 1,111Se,, !ionic clearer transitions would help tin,, velypromising piece.
D- Details are elaborated, not yet vivid or in depth.
WI.- Effective personal expression and nice style developing; one eon hear the writer rNi vcidistinctive.
CAUM- Very few errors; strung command of conventions.
Rage of CluePurpose Organization Details
Extensively
Frequently
Sometimes
Rarely
-15
Voice or Tone (11/N1l'Nd 11.1(111 MC' fv.
Irmo(onvention arrc,ir !pi, 1,
an.1,iir rll In
40