Diversity October 2014

ISSUE NO 2 OCTOBER 2014

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Contact Details:Editor: Larin Labuschagne - diversity @vodamail.comSub-editor: Theresa Bosch - [email protected]

Enquiries and Advertising Sales:Larin Labuschagne - 072 186 8112Theresa Bosch - 073 583 0518

Graphic Design: Sapphire Designs - 084 700 2536Cover page: Vernondo Boshoff Photography Model: Chris Ravenscroft

Disclaimer

Whilst every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the contents of Diversity magazine, neither the editor, the publisher nor the printer can be held responsible for any omissions or errors or for any misfortune, injury or damages which may arise there from. We do not guarantee the quality of service of any of the advertisers in this magazine. Reproduction of Diversity magazine in whole or any part is prohibited without prior written permission from the editor. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of Diversity magazine or the editor.

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email: [email protected]

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CONTENTSFOOD/ENTERTAINMENT 4RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS 6-7COMING OUT 8CATASTROPHE OY VEY, MY CHILD IS GAY (and an addict) 9

STARTING A FAMILY (PART 2) 12-13GARDEN/OUTDOORS 14EVENTS 15

Diversity’s launch edition was a resounding success. Thank you to all those readers who took the time to e-mail us with their positive comments and feedback. We welcome all correspondence as this assists us in making Diversity a publication that caters for everyone.

This month’s issue is jam packed with an interesting array of articles and reviews, ranging from “Relationship Red Flags” through to “ Indigenous Gardening” and the must read book “Catastrophe Oy Vey my child is gay (and an addict)”.

National Coming Out Day, 11 October is observed annually by the LGBTI community in several countries worldwide. Coming out regarding one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity is a very personal journey and our “Coming Out” article addresses this sensitive topic with much insight and sound advice. October is also Mental Health Awareness month focusing on the promotion of mental well being and the dispelling of myths and stigma associated with mental health disabilities, as well as the importance of seeking professional help.

October is a great month for a weekend get away to recharge those batteries in preparation for the last quarter leading up to Christmas/year end. We are extremely blessed in South Africa to have so many idyllic locations to choose from; ranging from seaside escapes, to the splendor of our majestic mountain ranges to the plethora of game parks that we have right here on our doorstep. Go ahead and book that trip!

Till next month, take care and God bless.

Larin


immediately swung into party mode. The new herbal energy drink “Limitless” was on promotion with a variety of flavours to choose from, giving the ladies boundless energy to party on! “Happy Hour” from 4 – 6 pm was a big hit with the ladies as they sipped on sun-downer cocktails whilst overlooking the magnificent sea view under a star studded sky.The girls “let their hair down” and partied late into the night, dancing to commercial favourites and having loads of fun!

1st Saturday Exclusive Girls Club

Review by Larin and TheresaWe were invited to the 1st Saturday Exclusive Girls Club event, which started at 2pm and continued late into the night.Relocating their venue to Zacks on North Beach was a wise decision as this proved to be a successful and well attended event. On arrival each person was handed an ice cold Smirnoff Spin or Storm, generously sponsored by Zacks and a copy of Diversity Magazine’s launch edition. What better way to kick off a sunny Saturday afternoon at the beachfront. The DJ’s, Granny D, Carmen, Miss Liang and DJ Skye (from Johannesburg) started the afternoon off with some sultry, sexy, deep house beats much to the delight of the rooftop revellers who

Come and join the next event at Zacks on North Beach on Saturday 4th October

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RELATIONSHIPR

ED

F

LAGS

by Dr Lorraine Becker

MB BCh (Rand) DCH (SA) Dip Ped (SA) FECSM

They say “Love is blind” but your friends and family aren’t! Often

when a person is involved in a new relationship, they are blinded to all their prospective partner’s faults.

Let us explore some “Relationship Red Flags” that should give you a warning that all is not rosy. These are just red flags and are not all necessarily bad, but they should give you a reason to investigate further. Consider them warning signs… and if any of them apply to you, maybe you should get some help because they could jeopardize your future.

There are some obvious signs of problems. He may be married: for example if he has a white band around his ring finger or if he won’t let you phone him at home or work. If he doesn’t let you see his home and only sees you intermittently. RUN, don’t walk, AWAY.

Look at their history. This could be your future! If he/she has been divorced (especially more than once), this should ring warning bells. Listen to how they talk about their previous relationship and check if he/she still has contact with their ex spouse and children. If there is no contact and he/she has nothing good to say about them, you need to ask yourself WHY?

Some people cannot commit to a relationship and just drift from one person to another. If he/she has

had many sexual partners and has a reputation as someone who “sleeps around,” you do not want to be just another conquest.

If he/she has a poor work or credit history or has no visible or reliable income, run, unless you want to be the meal ticket! Love is not enough to sustain a relationship. You need to have a partnership of sharing, caring and each doing your part.

Look at their behaviour. They say you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the waiter in a restaurant.If he/she is disrespectful or abusive to other people, they may do the same to you.

If he/she disregards the law, rules or etiquette, watch out! If he/she drives in a reckless, bad or aggressive manner, you may land up an accident

Dr L. Becker (General Practitioner & Sexual Medicine Physician)


7statistic or be the subject of their aggression.

If he/she has poor hygiene habits or dresses like a slob and doesn’t care about their appearance, walk away, unless you are prepared to put up with this forever. They will not change and obviously have self esteem issues.

If he/she is nasty to animals, children or the elderly or takes pleasure in other people’s misfortune, RUN. This person has issues and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of them. If he/she lies, cheats, steals or manipulates or is extremely jealous or possessive. RUN, you cannot change someone’s behaviour or character.

Be aware of selfish or greedy behaviour, or someone who does not share their thoughts, possessions or themselves. They may be self absorbed or have a personality disorder.

Also, be aware of someone who is insecure, guilt prone, hypercritical, constantly blaming others, never taking responsibility for their actions, these could signal an underlying psychological problem.

The opposite: someone who is overly controlling and demanding or is obsessive in their mannerisms can also be a problem. Obviously, laziness, lack of motivation/goals or being secretive, suspicious or defensive are all red flags.

Look at his/her relationship with friends and family. If they do not have friends or are alienated from family, WATCH OUT. There must be a reason why he/she has not been able to sustain any relationships.

Observe their moods. If he/she shows extremes of emotion all the time, life will be an “emotional roller coaster.” Someone who is moody and unpredictable is impossible to live with. If he/she is frequently down and depressed without cause, or exhibits little emotion, get help. They may need to see a Psychologist/Psychiatrist to sort themselves out.You need to know that you will be able to deal with their emotional baggage.

Above all, listen to your friends and family. If they have reservations about your new love, remember they have your best interests at heart and they are not “blind” even though you may be.

Andrew Burnard Andrew Burnard Counselling Psychologist

B.A. Hons, M.A. Psy, P.G.C.E., M.A. Couns Psych (UKZN) 076 490 6704 - www.andrewburnard.co.za Palmiet Wellness Centre, 9 Stedman Mews

128 Jan Hofmeyer Road, Westville

Kristy GreenerKristy Greener Clinical Psychologist M Soc Sci (Clin psych) UKZN

072 581 9861 - [email protected] Westville


COMING

By Wendy Kempster

DipEd (CTTC) BA Hons (Psych)(UNISA) MSocSci (Psych) (UKZN) – cum laude

According to the Cambridge Dictionary of American Idioms,

coming out refers to “be willing to talk in public about something that was kept secret” or to “announce that you are attracted to the same sex”. It is used commonly amongst the gay community to refer to the disclosure of sexual identity or gender orientation.

Faced with the decision of “coming out” can be a very daunting experience. For many people the decision is an extremely difficult one accompanied by many internal conflicts. On the one hand, letting go of secrecy and pretending in order to live an open and authentic life is very appealing. On the other, fears of rejection, isolation and discrimination are overwhelming. This decision is a personal one and the outcome needs to be weighed up carefully. Each person is unique and what is best for one might not be the best for another. Often, hiding your true self away behind a mask of heterosexuality seems to be much easier, but not being true to yourself does damage psychologically,

emotionally and behaviourally.

Rather than an isolated event, coming out is a process which begins with acknowledging and accepting your sexual orientation to yourself. The feelings accompanying this phase range from denial, disbelief and anger to relief, acceptance and excitement. Once you have accepted yourself and are confident with your sexuality, you are ready to share your identity with others.

Starting off by confiding in a person whom you trust and who you know will not judge you, is very important. This person needs to be chosen carefully - it could be a counsellor, a friend, a family member or a valued colleague. The confidence you gain and the support you receive from this initial sharing will help you through the process of coming out. It is not necessary to tell everyone in your life at the same time but rather in stages guided by how you feel and what you are most comfortable with. Often coming out to one’s parents is the most difficult. Be mindful of the timing, the venue as well as the

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9method of your disclosure and allow them time and space to absorb this new knowledge.

It is important to be prepared for the various reactions of the people with whom you share your sexual orientation. People may show shock, disbelief and have many questions

to ask. Treat their concerns seriously and answer as honestly and openly as possible.

Coming out is a difficult and very brave decision to make. However, making this choice can lead to a far happier and more meaningful life.

Written with heartfelt insight, candor and a healthy dose of spirited humour the author draws the reader into the dark underground world of addiction and the sacrificial love of a family desperately struggling to come to terms with the real life pain and struggle of addiction.

Ultimately order triumphs over chaos as Angela’s indomitable will to come clean and overcome her destructive behavior prevails and Anne’s unwavering love and support for her daughter is a testimony to the exceptional bond that exists between mother and daughter.

Catastrophe Oy Vey my child is gay (and an addict) is published by Jacana Media and is available at Exclusive Books throughout South Africa, Readers Warehouse in Norwood Hypermarket (Johannesburg), Wordsworth Books (Piazza St John Centre, Sea Point) as well as http://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Vey-Child-Gay-Addict-ebook/dp/B00L0LYC2K through Amazon.com.

This month’sBook Review

Catastrophe Oy Vey my child is gay (and an addict)

Author: Anne Lapedus Brest

Reviewed by: Larin Labuschagne

Catastrophe Oy Vey my child is gay (and an addict) is the story

of a Jewish mother’s heartache, denial and unconditional love for her daughter in the face of her daughter Angela’s life threatening addiction to the highly addictive Methcathinone (CAT) and her downward spiral into the depths of depravity, lies, deception and financial ruin.

Anne Lapedus Brest is faced with the realization that her gorgeous, caring, well educated daughter is gay as well as being a destitute drug addict. Not an easy pill to swallow, in the midst of a close knit Jewish family and community.


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Promotional offer:

“A give-away

weekend”

The first Diversity reader to book a wedding this year, will get a complimentary “Weekend” at Mendola in one of the Self-Catering Chalets. In addition Satin and Roses will give complimentary “in season flowers” to the value of R1000, towards the cost of wedding flower decor.

Call Mendola today!

079 287 1619


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FAMILY(Part Two)

by Venetia Connors

Our relationship took a very sharp turn toward the end of

our pregnancy. We had found out while having dinner with some friends that if not married your partner cannot be recognised as a parent and will have to follow a process of legally adopting the child, which is extremely lengthy, perilous and costly.

We could not believe our luck in finding out this important information and were comfortable in the knowledge that we had at least 4 weeks to sort something out. However, the following morning at our routine weekly scan and check-up at 33 weeks we were surprised when our doctor said he was booking me into hospital and later I was told that an emergency Caesarean section was required as I had preeclampsia.

This was somewhat unsettling, as I felt so healthy; the babies were coming and then a new stress

surfaced, as we had to arrange a wedding in a matter of hours. Fortunately I had made friends with a super lady next to me on bed rest, who was also pregnant with twins. She happened to know a wonderful lady that could marry us. I quickly called my partner and told her we were getting married in two hours. My new found friend and I, looking like beach ball smugglers in wheelchairs whisked up to the next floor where my partner and my future mother-in-law stood, all smiles. We got married in the hospital chapel and I had the babies three hours later.

The beautiful twins, Reo and Cohl.

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Getting married and having babies all in one day has proven to be the best day of my life! It is a great and wonderful journey; it brings your family and friends closer. Some friends do fall by the wayside as they can no longer find common ground. Don’t take it personally you will find that you don’t miss them, as babies draw excited, adorable and loving people into your life. Let your family and friends surround you with their love and support as an extra set of hands or a cooked meal is always most welcome.

It’s the most heart-warming experience you could ever wish for, it closes the circle of love and makes life complete. As that happens, you look at your babies and realise that all that you have just experienced doesn’t even come close to the magnitude of love you have for them. Something great clicks into place in your heart as you know you’re the mother of these magnificent little ones! Isn’t it Grand!

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By Arthur Cowan (Tongaat Plants)

Gardening has always followed trends, fads and fashions and

has often been a mirror of greater society through history. Native planting or landscaping with local plant materials has taken hold worldwide. A plethora of blogs, websites and print media repeat the mantra, ‘Plant Indigenous’.

Plants travel, not in the literal catch a plane sense but they get swopped, bought and stolen, moving from place to place and in nature have some amazing survival techniques, travelling across oceans by way of floating seeds, whisked away by the wind on gossamer wings and stowing away in and on animal fur and bird feathers.

So what’s with the idea of gardening indigenous? Like those somewhat pretentious buzz words ‘artisanal, on-trend and organic’ indigenous gardening using local plants has become quite the thing to do whether it’s large-scale commercial and corporate or your poky little courtyard or backyard piece of earth.

Indigenous refers to local in the wider sense, as in Southern Africa whilst endemic, another word used in horticultural circles refers to plants localized to a particular area, as in

Indigenous

‘King Proteas are endemic to the Cape Floral Kingdom’.

Indigenous plants can be used in aesthetically diverse designs, from French style Versailles grid pattern gardens a la Babylonstoren in Paarl to the gracious swoops and curves of the late Brazilian, Roberto Burle Marx. I’ve even seen gardens emulating Ye Olde England Cottage style using entirely local SA plants.

Like our architecture, we have become increasingly brave about our ‘South African-ness’ and our landscape design aesthetic has exhibited this, as so many indigenous plants lend themselves to a diverse range of designs and applications.

From the sculptural Aloes, Euphorbia’s and myriad of succulents through to the bright flowering Gladiolus, Boophane bulbs and happy swathes of grassland species, there are plants aplenty for all styles of gardeners. As they say, ‘There is no planet B’, using local native plants is another small way of making a contribution to the greater environmental good. Indigenous plants are generally water-wise, more bug resistant and bring a great deal of the wildlife into your garden, both large and very small.

Events Diary

03-05 Oct- Homemakers Expo- Durban, Contact: 031 764 527004 Oct- 1st Saturday Exclusive Girls Club Party, Zacks (North Beach) Contact: Rene 074 470 367604 Oct- The Lounge, Sweet 16 Birthday Celebrations, 226 Mathews Meyiwa Rd, www.thelounge.za.org08-11 Oct- Mine Boy (Drama), Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, Contact: 031 260 229612 Oct- Amashova Durban Classic, Contact: 031 312 889613-18 Oct- 18th Poetry Africa Festival, Contact: 031 260 250624-26 Oct- Good Food & Wine Show- Durban, Contact: 021 702 228025 Oct- Johannesburg Pride, Contact: [email protected]

Markets

Essenwood Market, Sat from 9am-2pm, Essenwood Rd. Contact: 031 208 1264I Heart Market, 1st Sat of every month, Moses Mabhida Stadium from 9am-2pm, Contact: 078 989 4432Heritage Market, 9 Old Main Road, Hillcrest, Contact: 031 765 2500The Food Market, 6 High Grove, Umgeni Park, Contact: 084 505 0113The Stables Lifestyle Market, (Wed & Fri 6pm-10pm and Sun 10am-5pm) Jacko Jackson Drive, Stamford Hill, Contact: 031 312 3058 or 084 353 5866Shongweni Farmers Market, Cnr Alverstone & Cassier Rd, Shongweni, Contact: 031 777 1554

GARDENING


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Contact: Arthur Cowan: 082 328 3800email: [email protected] website: www.tongaatplants.com

Events Diary

03-05 Oct- Homemakers Expo- Durban, Contact: 031 764 527004 Oct- 1st Saturday Exclusive Girls Club Party, Zacks (North Beach) Contact: Rene 074 470 367604 Oct- The Lounge, Sweet 16 Birthday Celebrations, 226 Mathews Meyiwa Rd, www.thelounge.za.org08-11 Oct- Mine Boy (Drama), Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, Contact: 031 260 229612 Oct- Amashova Durban Classic, Contact: 031 312 889613-18 Oct- 18th Poetry Africa Festival, Contact: 031 260 250624-26 Oct- Good Food & Wine Show- Durban, Contact: 021 702 228025 Oct- Johannesburg Pride, Contact: [email protected]

Markets

Essenwood Market, Sat from 9am-2pm, Essenwood Rd. Contact: 031 208 1264I Heart Market, 1st Sat of every month, Moses Mabhida Stadium from 9am-2pm, Contact: 078 989 4432Heritage Market, 9 Old Main Road, Hillcrest, Contact: 031 765 2500The Food Market, 6 High Grove, Umgeni Park, Contact: 084 505 0113The Stables Lifestyle Market, (Wed & Fri 6pm-10pm and Sun 10am-5pm) Jacko Jackson Drive, Stamford Hill, Contact: 031 312 3058 or 084 353 5866Shongweni Farmers Market, Cnr Alverstone & Cassier Rd, Shongweni, Contact: 031 777 1554


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Diversity October 2014

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