Crafting Your Best Man Speech

A Workbook

Everything you need to discover great material,

get your delivery right, and manage your nerves

Complete the activities in this workbook and you’ll have

your best man’s speech complete and ready to deliver

Bernard Darnton and Amanda Baird

2

Cover photos and torso diagram licensed from Shutterstock.

Icons licensed from flaticon.com ©2013-2019 Freepik Company

©2019 Bernard Darnton and Amanda Baird

3

Contents

Introduction ............................................................................................................................................ 5

How To Use This Workbook .................................................................................................................... 6

What We’ll Cover .................................................................................................................................... 8

Our Promise ............................................................................................................................................ 9

Part 1 – Discovering Your Raw Material .............................................................................................. 11

Purpose ................................................................................................................................................. 11

Know Your Audience ............................................................................................................................. 16

Introducing Yourself .............................................................................................................................. 22

Storytelling ............................................................................................................................................ 24

Part 2 – Building the Speech ................................................................................................................ 29

Theme ................................................................................................................................................... 29

Structure ............................................................................................................................................... 31

Drafting ................................................................................................................................................. 34

Humour ................................................................................................................................................. 39

Delivery ................................................................................................................................................. 42

Part 3 – Managing Anxiety ................................................................................................................... 47

Anxiety is Normal .................................................................................................................................. 47

Anxiety Can Be Helpful .......................................................................................................................... 49

Breathing ............................................................................................................................................... 50

Speaking Mindfully ................................................................................................................................ 52

Exposure Techniques ............................................................................................................................ 53

Conclusion ............................................................................................................................................. 57

4

5

Introduction You’ve downloaded this workbook because you’ve got an important job to do. You want to do the

best you possibly can.

You’re one of the groom’s best friends – possibly a life-long friend – and you want to repay his trust

on one of the biggest days of his life. You also want to do a good job for yourself. You want to give a

speech you can be proud of and that the audience remembers you for.

You’ve probably been to weddings and heard some terrible best men’s speeches. The one where the

best man had too much to drink. The one where the best man hadn’t bothered the prepare properly

and, instead of a speech, gave an embarrassing, forgettable ramble. The one where the best man

fumbled his notes and lost his place The one where the best man told a string of crude jokes that his

mates from the rugby club loved but the parents of the bride and groom hated.

The very fact that you’ve chosen to go through this workbook shows that you don’t want to be one

of those people. You have it within you to do a much better job. If you work through all of the

activities in this workbook you’ll not only be better than that – you’ll be ten or a hundred times

better.

Public speaking has a reputation as being one of

those things that you either can do or you can’t

do. In fact, speaking is a learnable skill.

There is information you need, like how to gather ideas or how to structure a story to make it more

compelling. There are skills you can practice to improve your delivery, like choosing words and

sentences that feel more natural, or being aware of how you hold your body. There are even ways to

learn to manage feelings like anxiety. This workbook will help you learn those skills.

This workbook contains everything you need to craft a great best man’s speech. By the time you

complete all the activities in this book, both you and your speech will be ready to go.

6

How To Use This Workbook To get the full benefit of this workbook you have to do the activities in it. This is a not a reading

book.

If you just read the book cover to cover, you’ll get some good ideas that will improve your speech.

You’ll get some idea of a good structure for your speech. You’ll pick up some tips on delivery. You’ll

learn some things to avoid.

If you work through all of the activities in this

workbook with the intent of doing a good job

each step of the way,

by the time you’ve completed the workbook you’ll

have a complete speech ready to go.

Your speech will not only be better than the horror stories in the introduction. It will be better than

you thought was possible.

We can’t tell you what to say. That has to come from you, with guidance from the groom and other

friends and family members. But we can help bring that speech out from within you and help you

bring it up to its full potential, with the structure and the delivery it deserves.

When we ask questions in the workbook, make sure that you actually stop reading and try

to answer the question in the space provided. Don’t just think to yourself that you know

the answer.

Writing is a type of thinking and writing your answers down will make you think about them more.

Your answers will be better and that means your speech will be better. If you do the exercises you

will get a hundred times as much value out of this book as if you just read it.

7

So, let’s have a practice. Remember – don’t go on until you’ve thought about an answer and

written it down.

What do you want to get out of this book?

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

8

What We’ll Cover

Structure and Content In this book, we’ll cover the purpose of the speech and we’ll show you how to structure your speech

to achieve that purpose.

While the speech is about the wedding couple, we’ll talk about how to introduce yourself in a way

that’s not egotistical.

We’ll help you discover the stories that will make up the body of your speech. We’ll help you find

those stories, show you how to bring them to life, and to tell them in a way that give them maximum

impact. We’ll also show you how to look for a theme to unify the various parts of your speech and

how to discover the humour in the stories you tell.

We’ll talk about who the speech is for and how to consider the needs of all the wedding guests.

Staring at a blank screen or piece of paper can be

intimidating. Going through the activities in this

workbook will solve that problem and we’ll also

provide guidance on the best way to get that first

draft complete and then how to re-write it from

there into its final form.

Delivery Delivery is as important as content. We’ll cover how to get the tone right and how to handle the

formalities that are part of your responsibility. If you’re not used to public speaking, knowing what

to do with your hands, how fast to talk, and how loud to speak can feel strange.

With your content sorted, we’ll talk about how much to memorise, whether you want to use notes

and how best to do that, and how much you need to practice.

Anxiety Anxiety is normal as you anticipate giving your speech. Not only is it normal – the right amount of

anxiety can actually improve your speech. We’ll show you ways for managing your anxiety, including

techniques like breathing, mindfulness, and exposure. The activities in this part of the workbook are

proven to work and are similar to those used by psychologists in a clinical setting. They’ve been

designed with an emphasis on enabling you to give your best performance.

9

Take a moment to think about what you want help with the most.

What areas will be most important to you as you work through this book?

☑ Check all those that are important to you

☐ Speech purpose ☐ Introducing myself

☐ Discovering stories ☐ Finding a theme

☐ Storytelling techniques ☐ Humour

☐ Knowing the audience ☐ Drafting a speech

☐ Getting the tone right ☐ Posture and body language

☐ Using notes and memory ☐ Managing anxiety

Organisation The book is organised into three parts.

In the first part you’ll gather as many ideas as you can to build your speech. This is your raw

material. The goal is to have more than you can use, so that you can pick the best parts.

In the second part you’ll take that raw material and build you speech from it. By the end of this part

you’ll have a complete speech.

In the third part you’ll learn proven techniques for controlling any anxiety you may be feeling about

giving your speech.

Our Promise Our promise to you is that

if you complete all the activities in this workbook,

with the intent to do your best job, you will have

a best man’s speech to be proud of.

That’s our promise to you but you also have to make a promise to yourself. Even if you’re tempted

to skip an activity, make an honest attempt to do it. You may be surprised how much it helps.

10

11

Part 1 – Discovering Your Raw Material The most common approach to writing is to sit in front a blank screen and sweat, hoping for

inspiration to strike. It seems like the logical thing to do but it doesn’t work. It’s a recipe for

frustration. The end result is unstructured, and you quickly run out of material. You’re left with a

second-rate speech. At this point, you either have to start again or panic, or both.

It’s far better to take a bit more time and prepare well. The best approach is to ignore the

temptation to start writing the speech immediately and spend some time gathering plenty of raw

material.

The first phase of writing a good speech is a discovery phase where you gather as many ideas as you

can from as many sources as you can. The idea is to end up with more material than you can use and

then choose the best bits.

It’s far better to have too much too choose from,

and have to leave out good material, than it is to

have too little and feel compelled to include stuff

you know isn’t up to scratch.

Once you’ve got more material than you know what to do with you can search for the highlights and

use them to build a speech you can be proud of.

Purpose Every speech should have a purpose, otherwise, what’s the point? If you’re going to give a good best

man’s speech you need to have a purpose for your speech. Have you ever listened to a speech and

then immediately afterwards wondered what it was supposed to be about? The speaker probably

hadn’t thought about the purpose of the speech.

Speakers usually have one of three general reasons for giving a speech: to inform, to persuade, or to

entertain.

What’s the purpose of the best man’s speech?

It is undoubtedly to entertain but there’s more to it than that. The general purpose – to entertain

the wedding guests – isn’t enough to build a speech on. Your speech also needs a specific purpose as

its focus. Without a specific purpose the speech will be a wishy-washy ramble that will soon be

forgotten.

That specific purpose is to persuade the audience of the groom’s virtues. The groom is a good man

and his new wife has made a good choice. As one of the groom’s best friends you have unique

insight into who he is as a person and you’re the best person to share that with the wedding guests.

12

Virtue Wins Out During your speech you might tease the groom for some of his failings but ultimately his strengths

must win out. It’s worth thinking about what the groom’s strengths are. They might be things like

humility, loyalty, or courage. He might be stoic in the face of trouble or capable when others need

help. What do you think is the groom’s greatest virtue?

Consider the groom and take a moment to thing about who he really is. What makes him a

good man?

What do you think are the groom’s greatest virtues?

You can write down several options. Eventually you’ll pick one.

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

Show, Don’t Tell It’s not enough to tell the audience that the groom is courageous or stoic or whatever you’ve

chosen. Stating a fact is not very persuasive. To get the audience to truly believe you, you need to

make them feel it. The best way to do that is by telling a story.

At this stage don’t worry whether the stories you’ve got are dramatic or funny. These things will

emerge organically. For now, just think about why the particular virtues you’ve chosen came to

mind. What has the groom done that illustrate these virtues?

Put down as many stories as you can think of. Don’t flesh them out yet as you will only use one or

two.

22

Introducing Yourself There’s one other person that the guests want to know about when you speak – you!

When an audience listens to a speaker, they want

to know that the person speaking is credible.

They want to know that what you say can be trusted and they want to know that you know what

you’re talking about.

The trouble is, you can’t just say that you can be trusted and that you know what you’re talking

about. You have to demonstrate it in some way.

The very fact that the groom chose you as the best man is an endorsement. It means that he knows

you and trusts you. You can add to that by including a little bit about yourself at the start of the

speech. The point is not to brag or to make the speech about you but to indicate to the guests that

listening to you is worthwhile.

The wedding guests are there because they know and care about the bride and the groom. The best

way to get your audience on side is to show that you have that in common with them.

Take a moment to think about how well you know the groom.

How long have you known the groom and where did you meet?

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

23

Now, take another moment to do the same for the bride.

When did you first meet the bride?

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________ Have you got any stories that show the bond between you and the groom? Have you got into

trouble together or shared experiences growing up? Don’t be afraid of a little bit of self-deprecating

humour if you’re comfortable with it. When the groom first met the bride, were you around and did

he confide in you that this was something special?

Make a few notes on stories that link you with the couple. Don’t filter at this stage, you don’t

have to use everything on your speech.

How can you show your relationship with the couple?

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

__________________________________

57

Conclusion You have gathered authentic, personal material, structured it in way that will entertain the guests,

and worked on a delivery that will make yourself proud. You’ve taken steps to control any anxiety

you may be feeling. Take a moment to compare where you are now to where you were when you

started this workbook. Congratulations on a job well done.

The skills that you’ve developed in the workbook are not just about delivering a best man’s speech.

Building a memorable speech and being able to deliver it well is an incredible skill. Very few people

become professional public speakers, but everyone can use speaking skills to magnify their other

skills.

Many skills that you develop are “additive” skills – they add to the list of things that you’re

competent at. Speaking is special because it’s a multiplier. It’s not just a skill in its own right but it

can multiply all of your other skills, whether at a family event like a wedding, or at work, or in sports

or hobbies. Being able to speak confidently and competently will improve your life in areas you

hadn’t even considered.

If you can gather thoughts, package them

memorably, and deliver them confidently,

you possess a superpower in today’s

communication-rich world.

58

Crafting Your Best Man Speech: A Workbook

is a unique workbook to help you

discover great material, get your delivery right,

and manage your nerves.

You’re one of the groom’s best friends – possibly a life-long friend – and you want to repay his

trust on one of the biggest days of his life. You also want to do a good job for yourself. You want

to give a speech you can be proud of and that the guests remember you for.

This workbook contains everything you need to craft a great best man’s speech. By the time you

complete the activities in this book, both you and your speech will be ready to go.

Bernard Darnton has been speaking and

mentoring at Toastmasters for nearly 20 years.

In that time, he has won humorous speaking

contests, run storytelling training, and has

mentored new speakers. He’s given and listened

to hundreds of speeches and presentations and

know what works and what doesn’t.

Amanda Baird is a clinical psychologist with 15

years’ experience in helping people to manage

anxiety. She has designed techniques specifically

for this programme to ensure that you give your

best performance.

With their help you can improve your speaking

more than you imagine and know that you are

the best man for the job.

https://magicspeeches.com