Consequences Parent Fair November 12, 2012 Allen ISD Middle School Counselors.
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Consequences Parent Fair November 12, 2012 Allen ISD Middle School Counselors
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Transcript of Consequences Parent Fair November 12, 2012 Allen ISD Middle School Counselors.
ConsequencesParent Fair
November 12, 2012Allen ISD Middle School Counselors
Power Struggles
O Parents feel:O AngryO DrainedO HelplessO Wondering if they are
the only parent feeling this way??
O Kids feel:O Like they have
succeeded in gaining attention
O They have manipulated the parent
O They will wear the parent down
O They have won!
Some children love to engage parents in power
struggles. This becomes a no-win situation for the
parent and the child.
What to do???
O Tips for avoiding Power Struggles
O Do not allow yourself to get into an argument
O Choose your battles
O Respond calmly, but firmly
O Be consistent with rules and consequences
O Give yourself time to think about the decision
O Don’t be concerned about being “right”
Making Rules
O Tips for Making Rules
O Make rules for behavior, curfews, issues relating to health and safety
O State what you want very clearly
O Anticipate and discuss potential problems in advance
O When age appropriate, involve children in rule making (you still make the final decision)
Rules allow family members to trust each other and
know what is expected.
Making Rules
O Tips for Making Rules
O Be prepared to enforce all rules you make
O Expect complaints and resistance
O Be consistent in enforcing the rules
O If the situation changes, be willing to change the rules
Rules allow family members to trust each other and know what is expected
Discipline or
Punishment??
O Discipline = To Teach
O Done in a calm, respectful manner
O Addresses the child’s behavior
O Teacher responsibility for one’s own actions and choices
O Encourages good decision making
O Strengthens self-esteem
O Has long-term effect
These words are often thought to be the same
thing. However, there are significant differences.
Discipline or
Punishment??
O Punishment = To Inflict Pain
O Done out of anger and hostility
O Is about power and control
O Focuses on the child, not the behavior
O Creates resentment
O Destroys self-esteem
O Has short-term effect
These words are often thought to be the same
thing. However, there are significant differences.
Consequences
O Things to Do:O Choose
consequences you can live with
O When age appropriate, involve child in determining consequences
O Let child know consequences in advance
O Always follow through
O Apply with empathyO Express belief your
child can make a good choice
Consequences are one of the best tools for teaching
children to make good choices and to be
responsible for their actions.
Natural Consequences
Powerful & Effective
Whenever possible allow your teen to face a natural consequence to an undesirable or attitude. DON’T INTERVENE!!O Lose a relationship as a
result of being selfishO Be kicked off a team for
not meeting the grade point average requirement
O Miss out on a movie as a result of having spent all their allowance
From Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
O Must matter to the teen
O Have more than one kind of consequence
O Distinguish between Misdemeanors & Felonies
O Use rewards strategically:
!!Teens should not be rewarded for doing what is normally required in life!!O No Responsibility
= No PrivilegesFrom Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend
Consequence List
MediaO Restrict access to the
televisionO Restrict access to the computer for connecting, browsing, and listening to
musicO Remove access to musicO Remove access to video
games
TasksO Assign added chores
O Assign extra homeworkO Assign community service
O From Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend
There are three categories of kinds of consequences that are fairly universal
with teens.
Social Access• Ground your teen
• Restrict phone privileges
• Uninstall instant / text messaging
Consequences
O Please Don’t:O Expect 100%
successO Make
consequences to stiff
O Show your angerO Talk too muchO Forget to re-
evaluate as child gets older
Consequences are one of the best tools for teaching
children to make good choices and to be
responsible for their actions.
3 C’s of Parenting
Thank you for attending the Consequences presentation. The other C presentations are:
CommunicationConflict Resolution
Our next Parent Forum is in January 14th
