Communication Skills I:Relationship Building

PED 3133C

January 17, 2011

mrichlin@uottawa.ca

Today

Speakers, possible reworking of topicsSummary of YouBrief Review of last weekMore communicationRelationships in the classroom, fears?BreakYour group sessionsSummaryCase Study

Your Responses

Subjects:English 17History & Sciences 12Religious Studies 11Math 4Comp Science & French 3Geography & Physed 2Drama & Visual Art 1

Coop Program 2

3 mentioned children (young!)

5 mentioned parents or family

Universities:Carleton Iran McGill

Queens St Francis Trent

Waterloo Western Windsor

Previous Work – wow!

University Tutor Music Store

Women’s Shelter Social Worker

Swimming Instruc ESL in Korea

Athletic Events Org. Youth Pastor

Web/Graphic Design Student

Where are we from?

Ontario – Windsor to Cornwall, Toronto to Thunder Bay

Montreal, Nova Scotia

Big and Small –Toronto to Cobden

Wants:

Practical Issues

Theory

Ethics and Legalities

Communication

Three types:Verbal – actual words

– very little effect on message sent

Paraverbal – how words are said - 38 %

Nonverbal – the biggie, body language

- 55 % of what is perceived

Need consistency in all 3!

Listening

Also part of the process Put aside your own thoughts and agendas, put yourself in another’s shoes and try to see the world through that person’s eyes. “True listening requires that we suspend judgment, evaluation, and approval in an attempt to understand another’s frame of reference, emotions, and attitudes. Listening to understand is, indeed, a difficult task.”

(Windle & Warren, Communication Skills, sec. 4, p. 3)

Active Listening

Truly being engaged in hearing the other person’s message

If you are actively listening, you should be tired by the time you finish a talk with someone

Active ListeningWhat are some traits of active listening ?

Stop talking, let someone else do a little talkingEye contactWatching & listening with your whole being, listening to their non verbal communication.Concentration, focusBe patient, let the speaker finish speaking & let yourself finish listening before speaking. Don’t interrupt; give them time to say what they are trying to say. If the speaker is having difficulty finding words you can help them find a word.Understanding the intent, double-check the meaning.Empathize with the person. Understand another's feelings.Listening fully gives respect and power to both the speaker and listener.Silence. A good listener is comfortable with silence.Silence makes people uncomfortable. It is filled with thought, and sometimes pain. Too often people are afraid to wait out the silence and jump in to fill it up with words. A good listener is comfortable with silence, and knows that it can bear much emotional fruit. Sometimes waiting out several minutes of silence will give the speaker a chance to dig deep for a much needed insight.Mastering the silence is an important achievement.

(Stobbe, In the Moment, Workshop 4, 2003)

Paraphrasing, Reflecting and

Summarizing

Techniques to confirm you are hearing the correct message.

What is the difference?

Questions

A closed question usually receives a single word or very short, factual answer

Open questions elicit longer answers. They usually begin with what, why, how.

(Mind Tools.com, 2011)

Communication Skills

“Communication skills are the core of the helping process.

(Long, 1996, p. 247)

“There may be no observation about communication skills that is more fundamental, and more far-reaching in its implications, than that they are developed and refined over time through implementation. Communication skills do not appear instantaneously, fully developed, and ready to be applied in persuading, comforting, or undertanding others.”

(Greene & Burleson, 2003, p. 51)

Relationships – basic guidelines for effective interpersonal communication

Gather your thoughts and information before you initiate communication.

Never approach someone to discuss a topic when you are angry or upset.

Be prepared to give immediate, specific, and honest feedback in any interaction.

Realize that if a message is important enough for someone to verbalize, it is probably important to him or her.

Take time to send messages carefully and accurately to avoid misinterpretation.

Avoid trying to intimidate or pressure someone into action.

Strive for consistency in dealing with others.

Follow through on all commitments.

Admit your mistakes or take the blame when you create problems.

Be ready to assist others.

Provide credit and praise when others are responsible for successes.Never criticize others in front of someone.Respect confidences when others share information with you.Judge people based on factors over which they have control, not on ones over which they do not (race, sex, age, ethnicity, etc.)

(Lucas, 1994, pp. 14-15)

Case Study

You notice Alex has been very down lately, lethargic, sleeping in class. This is not the first year you have taught him and know him as a very gregarious student, but also a good student. Now he is not doing homework, not participating in class…

What are you options?

What would you do?

Next Week

Communication Skills II: Engaging the Adolescent

Group Facilitation:Richard S Katrina H

Dario A Andrea S

Karen E Alex M

SourcesGreene, J.O. and B.R. Burleson, ed. (2003). Handbook of Communication and Social Interaction Skills. Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associate, PublishersHargie, O., ed. (2006). Handbook of Communication Skills, 3rd ed. New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group.Long, V.O. (1996). Communication Skills in Helping Relationships: A Framework for Facilitating Personal Growth. Pacific Grove: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.Lucas, R.W. (1994). Effective Interpersonal Relationships. New York: McGraw-HillMucchielli, R. Face to Face in the Counselling Interview Trining in the human science: a course by Roger Mucchielli

http://www.in-themoment.com/workshop4.asphttp://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_88.htmhttp://www.thecounsellorsguide.co.ukReproduced courtesy of www.TheCounsellorsGuide.co.uk - a comprehensive guide for counsellors