o Another genius foiled by an incapable assistant.

o I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

o Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of

him?

o Ever notice how tense grownups get when they're recreating?

o You can present the material, but you can't make me care.

o From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.

o My bills always die in subcommittee.

o Nice underpants.

o He's so lazy and selfish.

o One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.

o I love the culture of victimhood.

o Nothing I do is my fault.

o I like to verb words.

o I should be doing my homework now.

o I liked things better when I didn't understand them.

o Is it a right to remain ignorant?

o Quit resisting, you!

o I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas.

o It is man's indomitable nature to scare himself silly for no good reason!

o The problem with people is that they don't look at the big picture. Eventually, we're

each going to die, our species will go extinct, the sun will explode, and the universe

will collapse. Existence isn't only temporary, it's pointless! We're all doomed, and

worse, nothing matters!

o Like delicate lace, so the threads intertwine,

oh, gossamer web of wond'rous design!

Such beauty and grace wild nature produces...

[disgusted] Ughh, look at that spider suck out that bug's juices!

o “The days are getting colder. Yes. Bugs are dying by the truckload! Ha ha ha! Good

riddance to „em all! … I like fall.” - Calvin and Hobbes

o "Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with

nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my

conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends

demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get

my life some writers."

o I like maxims that don‟t encourage behavior modification.

o I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers‟ lounge.

o I‟m learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life … Procrastinating

and rationalizing.

o A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of

wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

o Childhood is short, maturity is forever.

o “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe

is that none of it has tried to contact us.” -The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

o I wanted to be a neo-deconstructivist but Mom wouldn't let me

o If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

o I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information .

o I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an

alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and

alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak.

o It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of

lightning.

o It's hard to conceal a water balloon

o Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.

o Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.

o Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

o Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the

choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to

compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I

pragmatically turn my whims into principles.

o Susie if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out

front. Do not call the police you CANNOT trace us, you CANNOT find us. Sincerely,

Calvin

o There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much

fun it is.

o There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

o True friends are hard to come by ... I need more money.

o When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

o Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

o You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!

o You know how people are. They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms

it.

o "Pretty convenient how every time I build character, Dad saves a couple hundred

dollars."

o "These are interesting times. We don't trust the government, we don't trust the legal

system, we don't trust the media, and we don't trust each other! We've undermined all

authority, and with it, the basis for replacing it! It's like a six-year-old's dream come

true!"

o "Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test."

o "When you get something, it's new and exciting. When you have something, you take it

for granted and it's boring."

o Aww mom, you act like I'm not even wearing a bungie cord!

o “Aaugh! It‟s a half-hour later than it was half an hour ago! Run! Run!”

o “Today for show and tell I‟ve brought a tiny marvel of nature: a single snowflake. I

think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal…

..turns into an ordinary boring molecule of water just like every other one when you

bring it in the classroom. And now. While the analogy sinks in. I‟ll be leaving you drips

and going outside.”

o “I‟d hate to have a kid like me!”

o “‟tis the season to advertise.”

o “What on earth am I doing inside on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I‟ve got to

live!!

o “People don‟t realize what a burden it is being a genius like me. It‟s not easy having a

mind that operates on a higher plane than everyone else! People just refuse to see that

I‟m the crux of all history, a boy of destiny.”

o As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough

to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing

except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

o “I want to be introduced as “Calvin, boy of destiny.” But you have to say it right, pause

a little after “boy,” and say “Destiny” a bit slower and deeper for emphasis. Say it,

“Boy….. Of Dessstiny,” Like that!”

o “Oh, great altar of passive entertainment, bestow upon me thy discordant images at

such speed as to render linear thought impossible!”

o “People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don‟t realize how hard it is

to put up with all the idiots in the world.” -The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

o “The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can‟t, and the

incapacity to tell the difference.” - The Days are Just Packed

o “Somewhere in communist Russia I‟ll bet there‟s a little boy who has never known

anything but CENSORSHIP and OPPRESSION. But maybe he‟s heard about AMERICA, and

he dreams of living in this land of FREEDOM and OPPORTUNITY! Someday, I‟d like to

meet that little boy… AND TELL HIM THE AWFUL TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!”

o “But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He‟s one of the _old_ gods! He demands

sacrifice!” The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes

o “For a girl, she‟s remarkably perceptive.”

o “It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what‟s cool.” - Attack of the

Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons

o “Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?” - The Essential

Calvin and Hobbes

o I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of

writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a

little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! - Homicidal Psycho

Jungle Cat

o “The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!” - The Days are Just

Packed

o "Are you crazy? This is a stupid, boring, time-wasting forced assignment! This isn't fun!"

o "Are you suggesting that this appliance didn't aggravate me with malice aforethought?"

o "Did you know that's one of the ten warning signs of hopeless dweebism?"

o "Do the words 'complete pandemonium' strike terror in your heart?"

o "Get out the time-fracture wickets, Hobbes! We're gonna play Calvinball!"

o "I can't help but wonder what kind of desperate straits would drive a man to invent this

thing."

o "I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your

own!"

o Miss Wormwood, I protest this "C" grade! That's saying I only did an "average" job! I got

75% of the answers correct, and in today's society, doing something 75% right is

outstanding! If government and industry were 75% competent, we'd be ecstatic! I won't

stand for this artificial standard of performance! I demand an "A" for this kind of work!

I think it's really gross how she drinks Maalox straight from the bottle.

o "Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've

noticed too. This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out. In a few more months

the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isnt going out. He says

its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will

be here soon. JIsn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that

they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?" -

Calvin, about to become aware of the concept of winter...

o “County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well,

that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you

just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when...Hello?”

o “Wow, look at the grass stains on my skin. I say, if you knees aren‟t green by the end of

the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”

o I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30

minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be

our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and

everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified.

Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns.

Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't

you think?

o Dear Santa. Why is your operation located at the North Pole? I‟m guessing cheap elf

labour, lower environmental standards, and tax breaks. Is this really the example you

want to set for us impressionable kids? …My plan is to put him on the defensive before

he considers how good I‟ve been.

o Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of

Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever

guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix

so harmoniously? It's a beautiful world all right.

o I'm bored.

o Let's ask it which of us is smarter.

o “My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38. If business was as good as my

aim, I‟d be on Easy Street. Instead, I‟ve got an office on 49th Street and a nasty

relationship with a string of collection agents.Yeah, that‟s me, Tracer Bullet. I‟ve got

eight slugs in me. One‟s lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a wallop, and I

pack a revolver. I‟m a private eye.Suddenly my door swung open, and in walked

trouble. Brunette, as usual.”

o “This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down

hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above ground. I flapped harder, and

soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could fly! I folded

my arms back and zoomed low over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they

ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from

the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops in the sky! … That‟s when Mom

woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn‟t get my bottom out of bed;

20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I

just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don‟t start much worse than this.” - The

Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

o “Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It‟s like saying I don‟t deserve it!” -

There‟s Treasure Everywhere

Hobbes

“We *dont* like girls???"

“What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero”

There's more to this world than just people, you know.

Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them.

I don't know which is worse...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

Tigers add panache and savoir faire to any social occasion.

Calvin's Mom

[on phone] What do you mean Calvin left his clothes with Susie??

Either he's playing classical music at 78 RPM, or I'm still dreaming.

Calvin's Dad

I'm going to the office and get some sleep.

The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a

while, too.

“Maybe then I can finish my book.”

“Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.”

I have all these great genes, But they're recessive. That's the problem here.

It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't mean anything

but what it's seen on TV.

Susie

“Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.”

Susie: Uh oh... here comes Calvin - the Incurable Weirdness poster child.

Moe

It's for the 'let Calvin live through recess fund.'

Dialogues

Calvin: “I‟ve noticed that when we play games with girls you get captured a lot.”

Hobbes: “Some of us are just irresistible.”

Calvin: This piece of pie is awfully darn small!

Calvin's Mom: Life could be a lot worse, Calvin.

Calvin: Life could be a lot better too! … But worse is more likely.

Calvin: Dad, where do babies come from?

Calvin's Dad: Most people just go to Sears, buy the assembly kit, and read the instructions.

Calvin: I CAME FROM SEARS?!?!

Dad: No, you were a Blue Light Special at Kmart. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.

Calvin: AAUUGHHH!

Calvin's Mom: Dear, what are you telling him now?!

Calvin: Do you think babies are born sinful, that they come into the world as sinners?

Hobbes: No, I think they're just quick studies.

Calvin: Whenever you discuss certain things with animals, you get insulted.

Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.

Hobbes : What mood is that?

Calvin : Last-minute panic.

Calvin: I want the last piece of pie! Don't divide it up! Give it to me!

Calvin's Mom: Don't be selfish, Calvin!

Calvin: So the REAL lesson here is "Be Dishonest?"

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.

Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?

Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

Calvin: Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy girlS!

Susie: Slimy girls?!

Calvin: I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything.

Hobbes : "What are you doing?"

Calvin : "Being cool."

Hobbes : "You look more like you're bored."

Calvin : "The world bores you when you're cool."

Hobbes : "What do you think is the secret to happiness? Is it money, power or fame?"

Calvin : "I'd choose money. If you have enough money, you can buy fame and power. That way

you'll have it all and be really happy. Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to

indulge in every kind of excess."

Hobbes : "I suppose thats *one* way to define it."

Calvin : "The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way."

Hobbes : "Do you think there's a God?

Calvin : "Well somebody's out to get me!"

Hobbes : "It says here that by the age of 6, most children have seen a million muders on

television."

Calvin : "I find that very disturbing...it means I've been watching all the wrong channels."

Calvin : "Do you really think Bogeymen exist?"

Hobbes : "I'm not sure, but if they do, I think this is where they live…"

Calvin's Dad: "The world isn't fair, Calvin."

Calvin: “I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"

Calvin: "There's a new girl in our class."

Hobbes: “Well, whats her name?"

Calvin: “WHO KNOWS?"

Hobbes: “Is she nice?"

Calvin: “WHO CARES? Not me!"

Hobbes: “Do you LIKE her?"

Calvin “NO!"

Calvin's Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses?

Calvin's Mom: No, I haven't.

[Calvin walks in wearing the glasses.]

Calvin: Calvin, do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

[Calvin's Mom cracks up]

Calvin's Dad: Okay, I admit the voice was a little funny, but that's still one darn sarcastic kid

we're raising.

Calvin's dad: Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.

Hobbes: "This article says that many people find christmas the most stressful time of year."

Calvin: “I believe it. This season sure fills *me* with stress."

Hobbes: “Really? How come?"

Calvin: “ I *hate* being good..."

Calvin: "Any monsters under my bed tonight?"

Monsters: “Nope." "No." "Uh-Uh."

Calvin: “Well there *better* not be, I'd hate to have to torch one with my flamethrower!"

Hobbes: “You have a flamethrower?"

Calvin: “They lie. I lie." - Calvin, The Monsters Under His Bed & Hobbes

Calvin: "Dad, I'd like to have a little talk."

Calvin's Dad: “Um...ok."

Calvin: “As the wage earner here, its your responsibility to show some consumer confidence

and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment.

Here's a list of some big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do whats

right for our country."

Calvin's Dad: “I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around."

Calvin (writing, after being asked to explain Newton's First Law of Motion "in his own words"):

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoomgazork. Chumble spuzz. (speaking) I love

loopholes.

Calvin: "Do you like being a girl?"

Susie: “Its gotta be better than the alternative."

Calvin: “Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?"

Susie: “Like a WHAT?"

Calvin: “I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a crual trick on

them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."

Calvin: "Hello Susie, this is Calvin. I lost our homework assignment. Can you tell me what we

were supposed to read for tomorrow?"

Susie: “Are you sure you're not calling for some other reason?"

Calvin: “Why else would I call you?"

Susie: "Maybe you missed the melodious sound of my voice?"

Calvin: “WHAT? Are you crazy? All I want is the STUPID assignment!"

Susie: “First say you missed the melodious sound of my voice."

Calvin: “THIS IS BLACKMAIL!"

Calvin: "Here comes that new girl. HEY SUSIE DERKINS, IS THAT YOUR FACE OR IS A POSSUM

STUCK IN YOUR COLLAR? I HOPE YOU SUFFER A DEBILITATING BRAIN ANEURISM, YOU FREAK!"

Hobbes: “She *cute*, isnt she?" "GO AWAY!"

Calvin: I sure am great! I'm one of the greatest people who ever lived! How lucky people are to

know someone as great as me! I'm great in so many great ways! In fact, I'm so great that my

greatness is...

Susie: You're not great! You're the most conceited blowhard I've ever met!

Calvin: When you're great, people often mistake candor for bragging.

Calvin: "Here's a movie we should watch."

Hobbes: “Who's in it?"

Calvin: “It says 'Japanese Cast'...two big rubbery monsters slug it out over major metropolitan

centres in a battle for world supremacy...doesn't that sound great?"

Hobbes: “And people say that foreign film is inaccessible."

Calvin: "I wonder where we go when we die?"

Hobbes: “...Pittsburgh?"

Calvin: “You mean if we're good or if we're bad?"

Calvin: "I'm never gonna get married. Are you?"

Hobbes: “Hmm...I suppose if the right person came along, I might. Someone with green eyes

and a nice laugh, who I could call 'Pooty Pie'."

Calvin: “POOTY PIE?"

Hobbes: “Or bitsy pookums."

Hobbes: “Bitsy pookums I'd say. Yes snoogy woogy, she'd reply..."

Calvin: "I think that would affect my stomach a lot more than my heart."

Calvin: "MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS?"

Calvin's Mom: “No, Calvin."

Calvin: “CAN I RIDE MY TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?"

Calvin's Mom: “No, Calvin."

Calvin: “Then can I have a cookie?"

Calvin“No, Calvin."

Calvin: “She's on to me."

Calvin: "Mom's not feeling well. So I'm making her a get well card."

Hobbes: “That's thoughtful of you."

Calvin: “See, on the front it says, 'Get Well Soon' ... and on the inside it says,'Because me bed

isn't made, my clothes need to be put away and I'm hungry. Love Calvin.' Want to sign it?"

Hobbes: “Sure, I'm hungry too"

Calvin: Do you have any money?

Hobbes: No.

Calvin: How can we get some? Who do you know that we could sue?

Hobbes: “We *dont* like girls???"

Calvin: "Of course not dummy, we're a murderous bunch of pirates, remember?"

Hobbes: “Who do we smooch then?"

Calvin: "This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy Girls club will now come to order. First Tiger

Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting."

Hobbes: "Thank you. (9:30) Meeting called to order. Dictator For Life Calvin proposed resolulion

condemning the existence of girls. (9:35) First Tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails.

(9:36) Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. (9:37) Philosophical discussion. (10:15)

Bandages administered. Dictator For Life rebuked for biting."

Calvin: “(10:16) Forgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties."

Calvin: "Too bad the world will be ending soon."

Hobbes: “Beg your pardon?"

Calvin: “Halley's Comet. Comets are harbingers of doom."

Hobbes: “No they arent, thats just superstition."

Calvin: “Really? Guess I'd better write that book report."

Miss Wormwood: "What state do you live in?"

Calvin: “Denial." - Miss Wormwood & Calvin

Calvin: “I‟m not going to so my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here‟s a

number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What

will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict

and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts.”

Hobbes: “I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths.”

Calvin: “I prefer to savour the mystery.”

Calvin: “Bad news Dad. Your polls are way down.”

Calvin's Dad: “My polls?”

Calvin: “You rate especialy low among tigers and six year old white males.”

Calvin: “I just read this great science-fiction story. It‟s about how machines take control of

humans and turn them into zombie slaves.”

Hobbes: “So instead of us controlling machines, they control us? Pretty scary idea.”

Calvin: “I”ll say…*HEY* What time is it? My TV show is on.”

Calvin: “Mom will you drive me into town?”

Calvin's Mom: “Why should I drive you, Calvin? It‟s a perfect day outside! What do you think

people have feet for?”

Calvin: “To work the gas pedal.” - Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin: Hi Mom! I‟m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household.

Calvin's Mom: That‟s nice.

Calvin: Now I‟m looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you?

Calvin's Mom: Sure

Calvin: OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner?

Calvin's Mom: Fish

Calvin: KNIFE WELDING MOTHER HACKS ICHTHYOID! GRIM MELEE IS EVENING RITUAL!

SUBURBAN FAMILY DEVOURS VICTIM!

Calvin's Mom: Out of the kitchen! Out! Out!

Hobbes: A new decade is coming up.

Calvin: Yeah, big deal! Hmph. Where are the flying cars? Where are the moon colonies?

Where are the personal robots and the zero gravityare the rocket packs? Where are the

disintegration rays? Where are the floating cities? JHobbes: Frankly, I‟m not sure people have

the brains to manage the technology they‟ve got. boot, uh? You call this a new decade?!

You call this the future?? HA! Where

Calvin: I mean, look at this! We still have weather?! Give me a break!

Calvin: Oh no! I just remembered that today is “Show and Tell” day! I need something to

show and tell about.

Mum: Why can‟t you think of these things more than two minutes before the bus comes?

Calvin: What can I take? I‟ve gotta take something. I‟ve.. ah… ACHOOO

Calvin: Never mind, Mom! Do we have any plastic bags?

Mum: I don‟t want to know. I don‟t want to know. I don‟t…

Susie: Why didn‟t you sign up to play baseball like the rest of the boys? Don‟t you like

sports?

Calvin: I hate all the rules and organization and teams and ranks in sports. Somebody‟s

always yelling at you, telling you where to be, what to do, and when to do it. I figure when I

want that, I‟ll join the army and at least get paid.

Calvin: I don‟t understand it, Hobbes. The kids teased me when I wouldn‟t play baseball.

Then they yelled at me when I did play. Then the teacher called me a “quitter” when I stopped

playing. Unless you‟re a star you can‟t please anyone.

Hobbes: In that case, why not just please yourself?

Calvin: Because Mom won‟t let me move to Madagascar.

Calvin: Psst… Susie! What‟s 12 + 7?

Susie: A billion.

Calvin: Thanks! Wait a minute. That can‟t be right… That‟s what she said 3 + 4 was.

Calvin: "Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the

temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?"

Hobbes: "I'm not sure that man needs the help."

Susie: You‟d get a good grade without doing any work.

Calvin: So?

Susie: It‟s wrong to get rewards you haven‟t earned.

Calvin: I‟ve never heard of anyone who couldn‟t live with that.

Calvin: “When a kid grows up, he has to be something. He can‟t just stay the way he is. But a

tiger grows up and stays a tiger why is that?”

Hobbes: “No room for improvement.”

Calvin: “Of all the luck, my parents had to be humans.”

Hobbes: “Don‟t take it too hard. Humans provide some very important protein.”

Calvin: Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?

Calvin's Mom: We don‟t have any chainsaws, Calvin.

Calvin: We don‟t? Not any?

Calvin's Mom: Nope.

Calvin: How am I ever going to learn how to juggle?

Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!

Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I

hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated!

You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't

want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh!

Aarg!

[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]

Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.

Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!

Calvin: "Other kids' games are all such a bore!

Calvin: They gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!

Calvin: Calvinball is better by far!

Calvin: It's never the same! It's always bizarre!

Calvin: You don't need a team or a referee!

Calvin: You know that it's great cause it's named after me!"

Calvin: "I'm a simple man, Hobbes."

Hobbes: "You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with

laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!"

Calvin: "I'm a simple man with complex tastes."

Calvin: "My powerful brain has come up with a topic for my paper"

Hobbes: "Great"

Calvin: "I'll write about the debate over Tyrannosaurs. Were they fearsome predators or

disgusting scavengers?"

Hobbes: "Which side will you defend?"

Calvin: "Oh, I believe they were fearsome predators, definitely."

Hobbes: "How come?"

Calvin: "They're *so* much cooler that way"

Calvin: Some people complain all the time! They complain about the least little thing! If

something bugs them, they never let go of it! They just go on and on long after anyone else is

interested! It's just complain, complain, complain! People who gripe all the time really drive

me nuts! You'd think they'd change the subject after a while, but they never do! They just keep

griping until you start to wonder, 'What's wrong with this idiot?' But they go on complaining and

repeating what they've already said!

Hobbes: Maybe they're not very self aware.

Calvin: Boy, that's another thing that gets on my nerves!

Calvin: "See Any UFOs?"

Hobbes: "Not yet."

Calvin: "Well, keep your eyes open, they're bound to land here sometime."

Hobbes: "What will we do when they come?"

Calvin: "See if we can sell mom and dad into slavery for a star cruiser"

Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is

ad-libbing his lines.

Hobbes: Maybe that's why it's hard to tell if we're living in a tragedy or a farce.

Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.

Calvin: These real-life video programs are great! Here are ordinary people having actual,

horrible experiences, which are broadcast nationwide for the public's viewing amusement! It's

intrusion, exploitation, and voyeurism all in one! You never know where a video camera will

be! Everything's fair game!

Hobbes: Who'd have guessed Big Brother would go commercial?

Calvin: I love to snicker at other people's tragedy.

Calvin: Today at school, I tried to decide whether to cheat on my test or not. I wondered, is it

better to do the right thing and fail...or is it better to do the wrong thing and succeed? On the

one hand, undeserved success gives no satisfaction...but on the other hand, well-deserved

failure gives no satisfaction either. Of course, most everybody cheats some time or other.

People always bend the rules if they think they can get away with it. Then again, that doesn't

justify my cheating. Then I thought, look, cheating on one little test isn't such a big deal. It

doesn't hurt anyone. But then I wondered if I was just rationalizing my unwillingness to accept

the consequence of not studying. Still, in the real world, people care about success, not

principles. Then again, maybe that's why the world is such a mess. What a dilemma!

Hobbes: So what did you decide?

Calvin: Nothing. I ran out of time and I had to turn in a blank paper.

Hobbes: Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.

Calvin: Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.

o “Some diabolical fiend threatens to establish a totalitarian system of rule! Only

Stupendous Man can save the day!…Aha! Just as I suspected! My evil arch-nemesis,

Mom-Lady!”

o

o Calvin: "Other kids' games are all such a bore! They gotta have rules and they gotta

keep score! Calvinball is better by far! It's never the same! It's always bizarre! You

don't need a team or a referee! You know that it's great cause it's named after me!"