Assertiveness in the Workplace

Discussion Session

Assertiveness Quiz

On a piece of paper, number On a piece of paper, number from 1 to 10. Write your from 1 to 10. Write your choice a, b, or c after each choice a, b, or c after each number. number.

1. You are in a restaurant and order a 1. You are in a restaurant and order a steak medium-rare, but it is served steak medium-rare, but it is served to you well-done. You would:to you well-done. You would:

a) Accept it since you sort of like it well-a) Accept it since you sort of like it well-done anyway. done anyway.

b) Angrily refuse the steak and insist on b) Angrily refuse the steak and insist on seeing the manager to complain about seeing the manager to complain about the poor service. the poor service.

c) Call the waiter and indicate you ordered c) Call the waiter and indicate you ordered your steak medium-rare, then turn it your steak medium-rare, then turn it back. back.

2. You are a customer waiting in line 2. You are a customer waiting in line to be served. Suddenly, someone to be served. Suddenly, someone steps in line ahead of you. You steps in line ahead of you. You would:would:

a) Let the person be ahead of you since a) Let the person be ahead of you since he/she is already in line. he/she is already in line.

b) Pull the person out of line and make b) Pull the person out of line and make him/her go to the back. him/her go to the back.

c) Indicate to the person that you are in c) Indicate to the person that you are in line and point out where it begins. line and point out where it begins.

3. After walking out of a store where you 3. After walking out of a store where you purchased some items you discover you purchased some items you discover you were short-changed. You would:were short-changed. You would:

a) Let it go since you are already out of the store a) Let it go since you are already out of the store and have no proof you were short-changed. and have no proof you were short-changed.

b) Go to the manager and indicate how you were b) Go to the manager and indicate how you were cheated by the clerk, then demand the proper cheated by the clerk, then demand the proper change. change.

c) Return to the clerk and inform him/her of the c) Return to the clerk and inform him/her of the error. error.

4. You are in the middle of watching a 4. You are in the middle of watching a very interesting television program very interesting television program when your spouse comes in and asks when your spouse comes in and asks you for a favor. You would:you for a favor. You would:

a) Do the favor as quickly as possible, then a) Do the favor as quickly as possible, then return to the program to finish watching return to the program to finish watching it. it.

b) Say "no," then finish watching your b) Say "no," then finish watching your program. program.

c) Ask if it can wait until the program is c) Ask if it can wait until the program is over and, if so, do it then. over and, if so, do it then.

5. A friend drops in to say hello, but 5. A friend drops in to say hello, but stays too long, preventing you from stays too long, preventing you from finishing an important work project. finishing an important work project. You would:You would:

a) Let the person stay, then finish your work a) Let the person stay, then finish your work another time. another time.

b) Tell the person to stop bothering you and b) Tell the person to stop bothering you and to get out. to get out.

c) Explain your need to finish your work and c) Explain your need to finish your work and request he/she visit another time. request he/she visit another time.

6. You ask a gas station attendant for 6. You ask a gas station attendant for five dollars worth of gas. However, he five dollars worth of gas. However, he fills up your tank by mistake and asks fills up your tank by mistake and asks for twelve dollars. You would:for twelve dollars. You would:

a) Pay the twelve dollars since the gas is a) Pay the twelve dollars since the gas is already in your tank and you will already in your tank and you will eventually need it anyway. eventually need it anyway.

b) Demand to see the manager and protest b) Demand to see the manager and protest being ripped off. being ripped off.

c) Indicate you only requested five dollars c) Indicate you only requested five dollars worth of gas and give him only five dollars. worth of gas and give him only five dollars.

7. You suspect someone of harboring a 7. You suspect someone of harboring a grudge against you, but you don't grudge against you, but you don't know why. You would:know why. You would:

a) Pretend you are unaware of his/her anger a) Pretend you are unaware of his/her anger and ignore it, hoping it will correct itself. and ignore it, hoping it will correct itself.

b) Get even with the person somehow so b) Get even with the person somehow so he/she will learn not to hold grudges he/she will learn not to hold grudges against you. against you.

c) Ask the person if they are angry, then try c) Ask the person if they are angry, then try to be understanding. to be understanding.

8. You bring your car to a garage for 8. You bring your car to a garage for repairs and receive a written repairs and receive a written estimate. But later, when you pick up estimate. But later, when you pick up your car, you are billed for additional your car, you are billed for additional work and for an amount higher than work and for an amount higher than the estimate. You would:the estimate. You would:

a) Pay the bill since the car must have a) Pay the bill since the car must have needed the extra repairs anyway. needed the extra repairs anyway.

b) Refuse to pay, then complain to the Motor b) Refuse to pay, then complain to the Motor Vehicle Department or the Better Business Vehicle Department or the Better Business Bureau. Bureau.

c) Indicate to the manager that you agreed c) Indicate to the manager that you agreed only to the estimated amount, then pay only to the estimated amount, then pay only that amount. only that amount.

9. You invite a good friend to your 9. You invite a good friend to your house for a dinner party, but your house for a dinner party, but your friend never arrives and neither calls friend never arrives and neither calls to cancel nor to apologize. You to cancel nor to apologize. You would:would:

a) Ignore it, but manage not to show up the a) Ignore it, but manage not to show up the next time your friend invites you to a next time your friend invites you to a party. party.

b) Never speak to this person again and b) Never speak to this person again and end the friendship. end the friendship.

c) Call your friend to find out what c) Call your friend to find out what happened. happened.

10. You are in a group discussion at 10. You are in a group discussion at work which includes your boss. A co-work which includes your boss. A co-worker asks you a question about worker asks you a question about your work, but you don't know the your work, but you don't know the answer. You would:answer. You would:

a) Give your co-worker a false, but plausible a) Give your co-worker a false, but plausible answer so your boss will think you are on answer so your boss will think you are on top of things. top of things.

b) Do not answer, but attack your co-worker b) Do not answer, but attack your co-worker by asking a question you know he/she by asking a question you know he/she could not answer. could not answer.

c) Indicate to your co-worker you are unsure c) Indicate to your co-worker you are unsure just now, but offer to give him/her the just now, but offer to give him/her the information later. information later.

Topics Covered

Four Approaches to Communication

Three Stages of the Listening Process

How Say It AssertivelySpeaking PositivelySpeaking Positively

Styles of Communication

PassivePassive/AggressiveAggressiveAssertive

Passive Passive CommunicationCommunication

Soft voiceSoft voice Overly agreeable, no point of view Overly agreeable, no point of view

expressedexpressed AvoidanceAvoidance Withdrawn body languageWithdrawn body language Sound unsureSound unsure Beat around the bushBeat around the bush Sound hopeless or helplessSound hopeless or helpless

Some Passive MessagesSome Passive Messages

““Uh…if that’s the way you want to do Uh…if that’s the way you want to do it…um, that’s fine with me.”it…um, that’s fine with me.”

““I don’t know if I could do that.”I don’t know if I could do that.”

““I’ll talk to him soon about that I’ll talk to him soon about that problem; I’ve just been really busy.”problem; I’ve just been really busy.”

““I’m sorry to ask you.”I’m sorry to ask you.”

““I hate to bother you.”I hate to bother you.”

““Maybe that’s a good idea.”Maybe that’s a good idea.”

Passive/Aggressive Communication

Appears to agree but really does not agreeAppears to agree but really does not agree Tells others but not the source of the Tells others but not the source of the

concernconcern Makes subtle digs and sarcastic remarksMakes subtle digs and sarcastic remarks Keeps score, sets conditionsKeeps score, sets conditions Nonverbal message contradicts the verbal Nonverbal message contradicts the verbal

messagemessage Holds back expressing concerns or Holds back expressing concerns or

providing assistanceproviding assistance Criticizes after the factCriticizes after the fact

Some Passive/Aggressive Messages

““I knew that wouldn’t work.”I knew that wouldn’t work.”

““If that’s the way you want it…”If that’s the way you want it…”

““How could you even think that?”How could you even think that?”

“ “ When was the last time you helped When was the last time you helped me?”me?”

““The problem with Joe is…”The problem with Joe is…”

Aggressive Communication

Blaming, accusingIntimidating body languageDemanding, orderingRaised voiceHarsh, personal languageVerbal browbeating

Some Aggressive Messages

““You must…”You must…”

““Because I said so.”Because I said so.”

““You idiot!”You idiot!”

““You always…”You always…”

““You never…”You never…”

““Who screwed this up?”Who screwed this up?”

Assertive Communication Takes responsibilityTakes responsibility Takes initiativeTakes initiative Listens activelyListens actively Speaks up, is direct and constructiveSpeaks up, is direct and constructive Shows sincerityShows sincerity Is solutions focusedIs solutions focused Assumes a confident voice and body Assumes a confident voice and body

languagelanguage Addresses concerns directly to the sourceAddresses concerns directly to the source Requests needsRequests needs

Some Assertive Messages

““Yes, that was my mistake.”“As I understand your point…”“Let me explain why I disagree with that

point.”“Let’s define the issue and then explore

some options to help resolve it.”“Please hear me out and then work with

me to resolve my concern.”

Communication Style Scenario

Say you just received an Say you just received an important assignment with a important assignment with a tight deadline. You know that tight deadline. You know that you need assistance from Sue, you need assistance from Sue, a co-worker, to get it done. a co-worker, to get it done. Identify the following Identify the following communication styles and pick communication styles and pick which you think would be best.which you think would be best.

“Sue, look, I’m in a jam right now. You need to help me get this

critical project done right away! I don’t have time to hear that

you’re busy with something else. That excuse just won’t fly. So come on, sit down and let me

show you what I need you to do.”

“Hi, Sue. I hate to bother you. I know you’re probably busy with a

lot of other issues right now. I have one of those tough

assignments. If you have a chance, maybe you could lend me a hand for a little bit. But, uh, its

okay if you don’t want to.”

“Sue, I know you’re the type who doesn’t want to put yourself out too much. Hey, I’m just kidding.

But look, when you were in a pinch last week, who helped you out? That’s right-me. So look, I’m in

the same boat now. Don’t worry, I won’t have you do most of the

work anyway.”

“Sue, I was just assigned a critical project that needs to be done in a week. I would appreciate it if you could lend some assistance. The

project involves an area in which your experience will really come in handy.

What I’d like to do is take a few minutes with you now or this afternoon

to determine what time and support you can lend and to fill you in on the needs of the project. Does that work for you, and if so, what time can we

meet?”

Don’t confuse aggressive with assertive.

AggressiveAggressive

BluntBlunt

Harsh in toneHarsh in tone

Blame and BrowbeatBlame and Browbeat

Push for your own Push for your own wayway

One-way One-way conversation flowconversation flow

AssertiveDirectFirm in toneCollaborates on

solutionsSpeaks up, yet hears

others opinionsTwo-way

conversation flow

It Isn’t Just What You Say, But How You Say

It

Nonverbal Assertiveness

Eye Contact

Make steady eye contactMaintain eye contactLook in the right places

Eye Contact Pitfalls Staring and glaring Looking away and all around Darting glances Blinking excessively Focusing in on one person Glazing over

Body LanguagePosturePosture

Facial expressionsFacial expressionsGesturesGestures

Body Language Pitfalls Slouching

Invading space Hovering over the listener

Looking blank Looking stern

Displaying threatening gestures Folding your arms

Exhibiting distracting habits

Set the ToneProject your voiceShow inflection in your voiceDisplay sincerity in your tone

Vocal Pitfalls

Sounding uncertain Being too soft-spoken

Mumbling Being to loud

Dropping your voice at the end of a sentence

Sounding Monotonous Putting people down with your tone

Having harshness in your tone Speaking too fast

Using excessive filler sounds

Assertive Communication is

Not a guaranteeNot another “should”Not negativeTaking charge of oneselfMiddle ground styleAn active expressive focus

Evaluation Questions Strongly agreeStrongly agree AgreeAgree DisagreeDisagree Strongly disagreeStrongly disagree Don’t knowDon’t know

1.1. I found the presentation of material easy to I found the presentation of material easy to understand.understand.

2.2. This Advantage session increased my This Advantage session increased my knowledge on the subject presented.knowledge on the subject presented.

3.3. I will be able to use some of the information I will be able to use some of the information from this Advantage session in the future.from this Advantage session in the future.

4.4. The presenter was well prepared for this The presenter was well prepared for this Advantage session.Advantage session.

5.5. This presentation should be repeated in future This presentation should be repeated in future semesters.semesters.