ARCADEPUBLISHING•NEWYORKCopyright©1960byN.Margareta

NyiszliTranslationcopyright©1993byRichardSeaver

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher,exceptbyareviewerwhomay

quotebriefpassagesinareview.LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-

PublicationDataNyiszli,Miklos.

[Dr.Mengeleboncoloorvosavoltamasauschwitzikrematoriumban.English]Auschwitz:adoctor'seyewitnessaccountbyMiklosNyiszli;translatedbyTibere

KremerandRichardSeaver;withaforewordbyBrunoBettelheim.—1stArcade

paperbacked.span>

p.cm.Originallypublished:NewYork:F.Fell,circa1960.ISBN1-55970-202-8

1.Nyiszli,Miklos.2.Auschwitz(Poland:Concentrationcamp)

3.WorldWar,1939-1945—Personalnarratives,Hungarian.

4.WorldWar,1939-1945—Atrocities.5.Humanexperimentationinmedicine.6.Mengele,Josef,1911-.7.Physicians—Hungary—Biography.8.Physicians—

Germany—Biography.I.Title.

D805.P7N951993940.54'7243'094386—dc2093-24737PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyArcade

Publishing,Inc.,NewYorkVisitourWebsiteat

http://www.arcadepub.comISBN1-58996-066-1AdobeeBook™

edition,2001ISBN1-58996-065-3Microsoft

Reader™edition,2001DigitaldistributionbyGiantChair,Inc.

CONTENTSFOREWORD......................................................5INTRODUCTION.............................................25DECLARATION...............................................34I..........................................................................37I

I.........................................................................44II

I........................................................................48I

V........................................................................55V.........................................................................59V

I........................................................................64VI

I.......................................................................78VII

I......................................................................90I.X......................................................................104X.......................................................................108X

I......................................................................112XI

I.....................................................................121XII

I....................................................................127XI

V...................................................................135X

V....................................................................140XV

I...................................................................145XVI

I..................................................................155XVII

I.................................................................157XI

X...................................................................166X.X....................................................................175XX

I...................................................................180XXI

I..................................................................184XXIII

................................................................188

XXIV................................................................191

XX.V..................................................................197XXV

I................................................................211XXVI

I...............................................................217XXVII

I..............................................................237XXI

X................................................................244XX.X..................................................................257XXX

I................................................................260XXXI

I...............................................................264

XXXIII..............................................................268

XXXIV..............................................................276

XXXV...............................................................280

XXXVI..............................................................283

XXXVII.............................................................290

XXXVIII............................................................300

EPILOGUE.....................................................304

FOREWORDItwaswithhesitationthatI

acceptedtheinvitationtowriteaforewordtothisbook.Auschwitz,beyonddoubt,isanhonestbook,andanimportantone.Ittellsofeventswhich,thoughgruesome,needtobetoldandretolduntiltheirmeaningfor

ourtimesisaccepted.Itisnotabookofdirectinsightintothemeaningoftheexterminationcamps,butinthefateoftheauthorliesmuchofitssignificance.Leastofall,despitetheauthor'sclaim,isitthebookofaphysician.Otherphysicianshavewrittenotherbooksabouttheirexperiencesintheconcentrationcamps:forexample,thepsychiatristDr.VictorE.Frankl,who

alsowroteofAuschwitz.ButFrankldidnothelptheSSintheirexperimentationonhumanbeings;hedidnotperverthiscallingbyjoiningthosewhohaveaptlybeencalleddoctorsofinfamy.InsteadofhelpingSSdoctorsinthekillingofpeople,hesufferedasahumanbeing.Speakingofhisexperiences,hequotesHebbel:"Therearethingswhichmustcauseonetoloseone'sreason,orone

hasnonetolose."OneofDr.Nyiszli'sfellowdoctorsdidlosehisreason,andthedescriptionofhowithappenedisnotonlyoneofthemostmovingpartsofthebook,butoneofthemostreassuring.Therewere,andstillare,peoplewholosetheirreasonwhenthereissufficientcausetodoso.Othersdidnotlosetheir

reasonbecause,likeDr.Frankl,andthousandsof

otherconcentrationcampprisoners,theyneveracceptedtheirfatebutfoughtit.Rightly,Dr.NyiszlidevotesmuchspacetothemenofthetwelfthSonderkommando,prisonersworkinginthegaschambers.Aloneofallsuchcommandos,itrediscoveredfreedominthelastdaysofitsexistence,andontheverylastdayregainedit;thereforetheydiedasmen,notasliving

corpses.TheaccountofthisoneSonderkommandoalonewouldmakethebookanimportantdocument.Butitsfateraisesevenmoreacutelythequestionofwhyonlyoneofthefourteensuchcommandosfoughtback.Whydidallothersmarchthemselvestotheirdeath?Whydidmillionsofotherprisonersdothesame?Surelythestoryofthese800-oddmenisaheroicsagaofthe

exterminationcamps;itisastorythatrestoresourtrustinhumanbeings.Buttheydidonlywhatwewouldexpectallhumanbeingstodo:tousetheirdeath,iftheycouldnotsavetheirlives,toweakenorhindertheenemyasmuchaspossible;touseeventheirdoomedselvesformakingexterminationharder,ormaybeimpossible,notasmoothrunningprocess.Theirstory,then,remains

withinthehumandimensions.Iftheycoulddoit,socouldothers.Whydidn'tthey?Whydidtheythrowtheirlivesawayinsteadofmakingthingshardfortheenemy?WhydidtheymakeapresentoftheirverybeingtotheSSinsteadoftotheirfamilies,theirfriendsoreventofellowprisoners;thisisthehauntingquestion.Initscluestoananswer

liestheimportanceofthis

book.Itisanunbelievablestory,butweallknowitistrue.Wewishtoforgetit.Itjustdoesnotfitintooursystemofvalueandthought.Andratherthantoreshapethem,wewishtodismissthestoryoftheGermanexterminationcamps.Ifwecould,wewouldprefertothinkitneverhappened.Theclosestwecancometobelievingthatisnottothinkaboutitsothatweneednot

cometotermswithitsnightmarishperspectives.Thehistoryofmankind,as

oftheWesternworld,aboundsinpersecutionsforreligiousorpoliticalreasons.Largenumbersofmenwereexterminatedinothercenturiestoo.GermanyitselfwasdepopulatedbytheThirtyYearsWar,duringwhichmillionsofciviliansdied.Andiftwoatomicbombshadnotsufficed,

maybeasmanymillionsinJapanwouldhavebeenexterminatedasintheGermanexterminationcamps.Warishorrible,andman'sinhumanitytomanevenmoreso.Yettheimportanceofaccountsontheexterminationcampsliesnotintheiralltoofamiliarstorybutinsomethingfarmoreunusualandhorrifying.Itliesinanewdimensionofman,anaspectweallwishtoforget

about,butforgetonlyatourownrisk.Strangeasitmaysound,theuniquefeatureoftheexterminationcampsisnotthattheGermansexterminatedmillionsofpeople—thatthisispossiblehasbeenacceptedinourpictureofman,thoughnotforcenturieshasithappenedonthatscale,andperhapsneverwithsuchcallousness.Whatwasnew,unique,terrifying,wasthatmillions,like

lemmings,marchedthemselvestotheirowndeath.Thisiswhatisincredible;thiswemustcometounderstand.Strangelyenough,itwasan

Austrianwhoforgedthetoolforsuchunderstanding,andanotherAustrianwhoseactsforcedaninescapableneedtounderstandthemuponus.YearsbeforeHitlersentmillionstothegaschambers,Freudinsistedthathumanlife

isonelongstruggleagainstwhathecalledthedeathinstinct,andthatwemustlearntokeepthesedestructivestrivingswithinboundslesttheysendustoourdestruction.Thetwentiethcenturydidawaywithancientbarriersthatoncepreventedourdestructivetendenciesfromrunningrampant,bothinourselvesandinsociety.State,family,church,society,allwereputtoquestion,and

foundwanting.Sotheirpowertorestrainorchannelourdestructivetendencieswasweakened.There-evaluationofallvalueswhichNietzsche(Hitler'sprophet,thoughHitler,likeothers,misunderstoodhimabysmally)predictedwouldberequiredofWesternman,werehetosurviveinthemodernmachineage,hasnotyetbeenachieved.Theoldmeansofcontrollingthe

deathinstincthavelostmuchoftheirhold,andthenew,highermoralitythatshouldreplacethemisnotyetachieved.Inthisinterregnumbetweenanoldandnewsocialorganization—betweenman'sobsoleteinnerorganizationandthenewstructurenotyetachieved—littleislefttorestrainman'sdestructivetendencies.Inthisagethen,onlyman'spersonalabilitytocontrolhisown

deathinstinctcanprotecthimwhenthedestructiveforcesofothers,asintheHitlerstate,runrampant.Thisnotbeingmasterof

one'sowndeathinstinctcantakemanyforms.Theformittookinthoseexterminationcampprisonerswhowalkedthemselvesintothegaschambersbeganwiththeiradherenceto"businessasusual."Thosewhotriedtoservetheirexecutionersin

whatwereoncetheirciviliancapacities(inthiscase,asphysicians)weremerelycontinuingifnotbusiness,thenlifeasusual.Wherebytheyopenedthedoortotheirdeath.Quitedifferentwasthe

reactionofthosewhodidawaywithbusinessasusualandwouldnotjointheSSinexperimentationorextermination.Someofthosewhoreportedonthe

experience,desperatelyaskedthequestion:Howwasitpossiblethatpeopledeniedtheexistenceofthegaschamberswhenalldaylongtheysawthecrematoriaburningandsmelledtheodorofburningflesh?Howcometheypreferrednottobelieveintheexterminationjusttopreventthemselvesfromfightingfortheirveryownlives?Forexample,Lengyel(inFiveChimneys,thestory

ofAuschwitz,Chicago:ZiffDavis,1947)reportsthatalthoughsheandherfellowprisonerslivedjustafewhundredyardsfromthecrematoriaandthegaschambersandknewwhattheywereallabout,yetaftermonthsmostprisonersdeniedknowledgeofthem.Germanciviliansdeniedthegaschamberstoo,butthesamedenialinthemdidnothavethesamemeaning.Civilians

whofacedfactsandrebelled,inviteddeath.PrisonersatAuschwitzwerealready

doomed.Rebellioncouldonlyhavesavedeitherthelifetheyweregoingtoloseanyway,orthelivesofothers.WhenLengyelandmanyotherprisonerswereselectedtobesenttothegaschambers,theydidnottrytobreakaway,asshesuccessfullydid.Worse,thefirsttimeshetriedit,someof

thefellowprisonersselectedwithherforthegaschamberscalledthesupervisors,tellingthemthatLengyelwastryingtogetaway.Lengyeloffersnoexplanationexceptthattheybegrudgedanyonewhomightsavehimselffromthecommonfate,becausetheylackedenoughcouragetoriskactionthemselves.Ibelievetheydiditbecausetheyhadgivenuptheirwilltolive,hadpermittedtheirdeath

tendenciestofloodthem.AsaresulttheynowidentifiedmorecloselywiththeSSwhoweredevotingthemselvestoexecutingdestructivetendencies,thantothosefellowprisonerswhostillheldagriponlifeandhencemanagedtoescapedeath.Butthiswasonlyalaststep

ingivinguplivingone'sownlife,innolongerdefyingthedeathinstinctwhich,inmorescientificterms,hasbeen

calledtheprincipleofinertia.Becausethefirststepwastakenlongbeforeoneenteredthedeathcamp.InertiaitwasthatledmillionsofJewsintotheghettostheSScreatedforthem.ItwasinertiathatmadehundredsofthousandsofJewssithome,waitingfortheirexecutioners,whentheywererestrictedtotheirhomes.Thosewhodidnotallowinertiatotakeoverusedtheimposingofsuch

restrictionsasawarningthatitwashightimetogounderground,joinresistancemovements,providethemselveswithforgedpapers,etc.,iftheyhadnotdonesolongago.Mostofthemsurvived.Again,inertiaamongnon-Jewswasnotthesamething.Itwasnotcertaindeaththatstaredthemintheface,butoppression.Submission,andadenialofthecrimesoftheGestapo

were,intheircase,desperateeffortsatsurvival.Theremainingmarginforahumanexistenceshrankseverely,butitexisted.Sooneandthesamepatternofbehaviorhelpedsurvivalinonecase,intheotherdidnot;itwasrealisticbehaviorforGermans,self-delusionforJewsandforprisonersintheexterminationcamps,ofwhomamajoritywereJews.Whenprisonersbeganto

servetheirexecutioners,tohelpthemspeedthedeathoftheirownkind,thingshadgonebeyondsimpleinertia.Bythen,deathinstinctrunningrampanthadbeenaddedtoinertia.Lengyel,too,mentionsDr.

Mengele,oneoftheprotagonistsofAuschwitz,inatypicalexampleofthe"businessasusual"attitudethatenabledsomeprisoners,andcertainlytheSS,toretain

whateverinnerbalancetheycoulddespitewhattheyweredoing.ShedescribeshowDr.Mengeletookallcorrectmedicalprecautionsduringchildbirth;forexample,rigorouslyobservingallasepticprinciples,cuttingtheumbilicalcordwithgreatestcare,etc.Butonlyhalfanhourlaterhesentmotherandinfanttobeburntinthecrematorium.Thesamebusiness-as-usual

attitudethatenabledDr.Nyiszlitofunctionasadoctorinthecamp,thatmotivatedhimtovolunteerhishelptotheSS,enabledmillionsofJewstoliveinghettoswheretheynotonlyworkedfortheNazisbutselectedfellowJewsforthemtosendtothegaschambers.Itwassimilarinertiaifnotalsothe"business-as-usual"attitudethatpostponedtheuprisingintheWarsawghettotillhardly

anypeopleoranystrengthwasleftforfighting,andcertainlyfartoofewtomakeabreak-throughthatmighthavesavedthousandsoflives.Allthiswouldbepast

historyexceptthattheverysamebusiness-as-usualisbehindourtryingtoforgettwothings:thattwentiethcenturymenlikeussentmillionsintothegaschambers,andthatmillions

ofmenlikeuswalkedtotheirdeathwithoutresistance.InBuchenwald,Italkedto

hundredsofGermanJewishprisonerswhowerebroughtthereinthefallof1938.IaskedthemwhytheyhadnotleftGermanybecauseoftheutterlydegradinganddiscriminatingconditionstheyweresubjectedto.Theiranswerwas:Howcouldweleave?Itwouldhavemeantgivingupourhomes,our

placesofbusiness.Theirearthlypossessionshadsotakenpossessionofthemthattheycouldnotmove;insteadofusingthem,theywererunbythem.AsamatteroffactthediscriminatorylawsagainsttheJewsweremeanttoforcethemtoleaveGermany,leavingmostoftheirpossessionsbehind.ForalongtimetheintentionoftheNaziswastoforceundesirableminorities,such

astheJews,intoemigration.Onlywhenthisdidnotworkwastheexterminationpolicyinstituted,followingalsotheinnerlogicoftheNaziracialideology.ButonewonderswhetherthenotionthatmillionsofJews(andlaterforeignnationals)wouldsubmittotheirexterminationdidnotalsoresultfromseeingwhatdegradationtheywerewillingtoacceptwithoutfightingback.The

persecutionoftheJewswasaggravated,slowstepbyslowstep,whennoviolentfightingbackoccurred.ItmayhavebeenJewishacceptance,withoutretaliatoryfight,ofeverharsherdiscriminationanddegradationthatfirstgavetheSStheideathattheycouldbegottentothepointwheretheywouldwalktothegaschambersontheirown.MostJewsinPolandwhodidnotbelieveinbusiness-as-

usualsurvivedtheSecondWorldWar.AstheGermansapproached,theylefteverythingbehindandfledtoRussia,muchasmanyofthemdistrustedtheSovietsystem.Butthere,whileperhapscitizensofasecondorder,theywereatleastacceptedashumanbeings.Thosewhostayedontocontinuebusiness-as-usualmovedtowardtheirowndestructionandperished.

Thusinthedeepestsensethewalktothegaschamberwasonlythelastconsequenceofaphilosophyofbusiness-as-usual.True,thesamesuicidalbehaviorhasanothermeaning.Itmeansthatmancanbepushedsofarandnofurther;thatbeyondacertainpointhechoosesdeathtoaninhumanexistence.Buttheinitialsteptowardthisterriblechoicewastheinertiathatprecededit.

PerhapsaremarkontheuniversalsuccessoftheDiaryofAnneFrankmaystresshowmuchweallwishtosubscribetothisbusiness-as-usualphilosophy,andtoforgetthatithastensourdestruction.Itisanoneroustasktotakeapartsuchahumane,suchamovingstorythatarousessomuchcompassionforgentleAnneFrank.ButIbelievethattheworldwideacclaimofher

storycannotbeexplainedunlesswerecognizeourwishtoforgetthegaschambersandtoglorifytheattitudeofgoingonwithbusiness-as-usual,eveninaholocaust.WhiletheFranksweremakingtheirpreparationsforgoingpassivelyintohiding,thousandsofotherJewsinHollandandelsewhereinEuropeweretryingtoescapetothefreeworld,thebettertobeabletofighttheir

executioners.Otherswhocouldnotdosowentunderground—notsimplytohidefromtheSS,waitingpassively,withoutpreparationforfight,forthedaywhentheywouldbecaught—buttofighttheGermans,andwithitforhumanity.AlltheFrankswantedwastogoonwithlifeasmuchaspossibleintheusualfashion.LittleAnne,too,wantedonlytogoonwithlifeasusual,and

nobodycanblameher.Butherswascertainlynotanecessaryfate,muchlessaheroicone;itwasasenselessfate.TheFrankscouldhavefacedthefactsandsurvived,asdidmanyJewslivinginHolland.Annecouldhavehadagoodchancetosurvive,asdidmanyJewishchildreninHolland.ButforthatshewouldhavehadtobeseparatedfromherparentsandgonetolivewithaDutch

familyastheirownchild.Everybodywhorecognizedtheobviousknewthatthehardestwaytogoundergroundwastodoitasafamily;thattohideasafamilymadedetectionbytheSSmostlikely.TheFranks,withtheirexcellentconnectionsamonggentileDutchfamiliesshouldhavehadaneasytimehidingoutsingly,eachwithadifferentfamily.Butinsteadof

planningforthis,themainprincipleoftheirplanningwastocontinueasmuchaspossiblewiththekindoffamilylifetheywereaccustomedto.Anyothercoursewouldhavemeantnotmerelygivingupthebelovedfamilylifeasusual,butalsoacceptingasrealityman'sinhumanitytoman.Mostofallitwouldhaveforcedtheiracceptancethatbusiness-as-usualwasnotanabsolute

value,butcansometimesbethemostdestructiveofallattitudes.ThereislittledoubtthattheFranks,whowereabletoprovidethemselveswithsomuch,couldhaveprovidedthemselveswithagunortwohadtheywished.TheycouldhaveshotdownatleastoneortwooftheSSmenwhocameforthem.TherewasnosurplusofSSmen.ThelossofanSSwitheveryJewarrestedwould

havenoticeablyhinderedthefunctioningofthepolicestate.ThefateoftheFrankswouldn'thavebeenanydifferent,becausetheyalldiedanywayexceptforAnne'sfather,thoughhehardlymeanttopayforhissurvivalwiththeexterminationofhiswholefamily.Theycouldhavesoldtheirlivesdearlyinsteadofwalkingtotheirdeath.Thereisgoodreasonwhy

thesosuccessfulplayendswithAnnestatingherbeliefinthegoodinallmen.Whatisdeniedistheimportanceofacceptingthegaschambersasrealsothatneveragainwilltheyexist.Ifallmenarebasicallygood,ifgoingonwithintimatefamilylivingnomatterwhatelseiswhatistobemostadmired,thenindeedwecanallgoonwithlifeasusualandforgetaboutAuschwitz.ExceptthatAnne

FrankdiedbecauseherparentscouldnotgetthemselvestobelieveinAuschwitz.Andherstoryfoundwideacclaimbecauseforustoo,itdeniesimplicitlythatAuschwitzeverexisted.Ifallmenaregood,therecanbenoAuschwitz.IhavemetmanyJews,as

wellasgentileanti-Nazis,whosurvivedinGermanyandintheoccupiedcountries.Buttheywereallpeoplewho

realizedthatwhenaworldgoestopieces,wheninhumanityreignssupreme,mancannotgoonwithbusinessasusual.Onethenhastoradicallyre-evaluateallofwhatonehasdone,believedin,stoodfor.Inshort,onehastotakeastandonthenewreality,afirmstand,andnotoneofretirementintoevengreaterprivatization.Iftoday,NegroesinAfrica

marchagainstthegunsofapolicethatdefendsapartheid—evenifhundredsofthemwillbeshotdownandtensofthousandsroundedupinconcentrationcamps—theirmarch,theirfight,willsoonerorlaterassurethemofachanceforlibertyandequality.TheJewsofEuropecouldequallyhavemarchedasfreemenagainsttheSS,ratherthantofirstgrovel,thenwaittoberoundedup

fortheirownextermination,andfinallywalkthemselvestothegaschambers.ItwastheirpassivewaitingfortheSStoknockattheirdoorwithoutfirstsecuringaguntoshootdownatleastoneSSbeforebeingshotdownthemselves,thatwasthefirststepinavoluntarywalkintotheReich'scrematoria.Whileallotheraccountsof

theconcentrationcampsthathavecometomyattention

werebypersonswhoneverwillinglyservedtheSS,tomyknowledgeDr.Nyiszli'sistheonlyreportwrittenbyoneofthemanyconcentrationcampprisonerswhovolunteeredtobecomeatooloftheSStostayalive.Buthavingmadehischoice,Dr.Nyiszlihad,afterall,todeludehimselfattimestobeabletolivewithhimselfandhisexperience.Andhereinliesthetrueimportanceof

thisdocumentfortheprotectionthatunderstandingcanoffer.BecauseevenintheoverpoweringsettingofAuschwitz,certaindefensesstillservedlife,notthedeathinstinct.Mostimportantofthesewasunderstandingwhatwentoninoneself,andwhy.Withenoughunderstanding,theindividualdidnotfoolhimselfintobelievingthatsavinghisskinwasthesameassavingthetotalself.He

wasabletorecognizethatmuchofwhatapparentlyseemedprotectivewasactuallyselfdestroying.Amostextremeexample

werethoseprisonerswhovolunteeredtoworkinthegaschambershopingitwouldsomehowsavetheirlives.Allofthemwerekilledafterashorttime.Butmanyofthemdiedsooner,andafterweeksofamorehorriblelife,thanmighthavebeentrueifthey

hadnotvolunteered.HowDr.Nyiszlifooled

himselfcanbeseen,forexample,inhisrepeatedlyreferringtohisworkasadoctor,thoughheworkedastheassistantofaviciouscriminal.HespeaksoftheInstituteforRace,Biological,andAnthropologicalInvestigationas"oneofthemostqualifiedmedicalcentersoftheThirdReich"thoughitwasdevotedto

provingfalsehoods.Thattheauthorwasadoctordidn'tatallchangethefactthathe,likeanyoftheprisonerofficialswhoservedtheSSbetterthansomeSSwerewillingtoserveit,wasaparticipant,anaccessorytothecrimesoftheSS.Howthencouldhedoitandsurvive?Bytakingprideinhisprofessionalskills,irrespectiveofwhatpurposetheywereusedfor.Againand

againthisprideinhisprofessionalskillpermeateshisstoryofhisandotherprisoners'sufferings.TheimportantissuehereisthatDr.Nyiszli,Dr.Mengeleandhundredsofotherfarmoreprominentphysicians,mentrainedlongbeforetheadventofHitlertopower,wereparticipantsinthesehumanexperimentsandinthepseudo-scientificinvestigationsthatwentwith

them.Itisthisprideinprofessionalskillandknowledge,irrespectiveofmoralimplications,thatissodangerous.Asafeatureofmodernsocietyorientedtowardtechnologicalcompetenceitisstillwithus,thoughtheconcentrationcamps,thecrematoria,theexterminationofmillionsbecauseofrace,arenolongerhere.Auschwitzisgone,butaslongasthisattitude

remainswithusweshallnotbesafefromthecriminalindifferencetolifeatitscore.Irecommendtocareful

readingthedescriptionofhowthefirsttaskofeverynewSonderkommandowastocrematethecorpsesoftheprecedingkommando,exterminatedjustafewhoursbefore.Irecommendtothereader'sspeculationwhy,thoughthetwelfthSonderkommandorevolted,

thethirteenthwentquietlytoitsdeathwithoutopposition.Inthissinglerevoltofthe

twelfthSonderkommando,seventySSwerekilled,includingonecommissionedofficerandseventeennoncommissionedofficers;oneofthecrematoriawastotallydestroyedandanotherseverelydamaged.True,alleighthundredandfifty-threeprisonersofthekommandodied.Butthisprovesthata

positionintheSonderkommandogaveprisonersachanceofabouttentoonetodestroytheSS,ahigherratiothanexistedintheordinaryconcentrationcamp.TheoneSonderkommandothatrevoltedandtooksuchheavytolloftheenemydidnotdiemuchdifferentlythanallotherSonderkommandos.Why,then—andthisisthequestionthathauntsallwho

studytheexterminationcamps—whythendidmillionswalkquietly,withoutresistance,totheirdeathwhenrightbeforethemwereexamplessuchasthiscommandothatmanagedtodestroyanddamageitsowndeathchambersandkill10%oftheirownnumberinSS?Whydidsofewofthemillionsofprisonersdielikemen,asdidthemenofonlyoneofthesecommandos?

PerhapscomparingthetwophysicianswhosurvivedAuschwitzmaysuggestananswer.Dr.Frankl,whoduringimprisonmentsearchedcontinuouslyforthepersonalmeaningofhisexperienceasaconcentrationcampprisoner,therebyfoundthedeepermeaningofhislifeandlifeingeneral.Otherprisonerswho,likeDoctorNyiszli,wereconcernedwithmeresurvival—evenifit

meanthelpingSSdoctorsintheirnefariousexperimentswithhumanbeings—gainednodeepermeaningfromtheirhorribleexperience.Andsotheysurvivedinbody,hauntedbyremorseandnightmarishrecollections.Thisbookthenismostof

allacautionarytale,asoldasmankind.Thosewhoseektoprotectthebodyatallcostdiemanytimesover.Thosewhoriskthebodytosurviveas

menhaveagoodchancetoliveon.

UniversityofChicagoMay,1960—BrunoBettelheim

Auschwitz

ADoctor'sEyewitnessAccount

INTRODUCTIONItisnowafullhalfcentury

afterthealmostunimaginableeventsthisbookdescribes,anddespitealleffortstomakesurethatthetwelveincredibleyearsofHitler'sswaywillneverbeforgotten,thefactremainsthatfewofthosewhoexperiencedtheNazi

concentrationcampsarealivetobearwitness.Inevitablyandinexorably,historyreducesthepersonaltotheimpersonal,subsumestheindividualintothecollective,renderstheimmediateremote.Monumentsandmuseums,howevereloquent,cannevertrulyorfullyconveytheexperienceitself.ThatiswhyDr.MiklosNyiszli'sbookremainssoimportantalmostfivedecades

afteritwaswritten,morethanfortyyearsafteritfirstappearedinJean-PaulSartre'smonthlyreview,LesTempsModernes.Oneoftheearliestbookspublishedonthesubject—atatimewhenmanypreferrednottoknowwhatreallywentondaytodayinthedeathcamps—Auschwitz,forallthemoralambiguityofitsauthor'sstance(whichisdulynotedbyBrunoBettelheiminhis

eloquentforeword),remains,astheNewYorkReviewofBooksnotedinaroundupofseveralbooksonthesubject,"thebestbriefaccountoftheAuschwitzexperienceavailabletoareader."Forthisnewedition,afewwordsofbackgroundareinorder.Inmid-March1944the

GermansinvadedHungary.AllJewswereimmediatelyconsignedtohousearrest,inconformancewithHitler's

longstandingSchutzhaft,whichheintroducedin1933immediatelyaftercomingtopower,tocowandcontrolallthosewhomightconceivablyposeathreattohisthennewregime.Deportationsbegansoonafterward.InApril,Dr.Nyiszliandhisfamily,togetherwithalltheJewsofhiscity,Oradea-Nagyvarad,wereshippedtoAuschwitz,inthealltoofamilarcattlecarstheNazisusedto

accomplishthefirst,debasingstepoftheirFinalSolution.Separatedfromhiswifeanddaughteruponarrival,Dr.NyiszliwasshortlychosenbytheinfamousDr.JosefMengeletotakechargeofallthepathologicalworkcarriedoninthecamp.Assuch,NyiszlibecameamemberoftheSonderkommando,thespeciallyqualifiedandprivilegedgroupofprisonerswhoworkedexclusively

insidethecrematoriums.ThisSonderkommando,alsoknownasthe"kommandoofthelivingdead,"wasmadeupof860maleprisonerschosenfortheirvariousprofessionalabilitiesaswellastheirphysicalstrengthandhardyconstitution.Aslongastheylived,theirlotwithinthecampwasrelativelygood,butingeneraltheylivedforonlyfourmonthsfromthedaytheyfirsttookuptheirduties

insidethecrematoriums.Attheendofthatbriefperiodtheyweresummarilyliquidatedandreplacedbyanewgroupofprisoners.Inthisway,theNaziauthoritieshopedtokeepfromtheworldanyknowledgeofwhatwasgoingoninthese"deathfactories."Theyverynearly

succeeded.Tostart,allmembersoftheSSwhoservedinthecamps—andin

AuschwitztheynumberedseveralthousandfromApril1940whenthecampopenedtoitsliberationinJanuary1945—hadtoswearthattheywouldneverrevealwhattheysaw.Further,in1944GermanauthoritiesdestroyedthetransportlistsofallJewswhohadbeensenttoAuschwitzuptothatpoint,andinthesucceedingmonthsorderedthedestructionofallotherincriminating

documents.Later,astheRussianarmiesdrewnearAuschwitzearlyin1945,otherevidencewaseitherburnedortransferredtocampsfartherwest.Inmid-January,theSShastilyexecutedthousandsofprisoners;then,sometimeaftermidnightonJanuary18,theyfled,leavingthecampunmanned.ManyoftheremainingAuschwitzinmates,asNyiszlidescribes,

inturntookadvantageofthesuddenlyemptytowersandopenAuschwitzgatestofleethecamp,fearingthatiftheywaitedtheGermans,whowereretreatingbeforetheRussianoffensive,mightpausetomurderthemaswellbeforeproceedingwest.WhentheRussiansdidarrive,onJanuary27,1945,theyfoundthebodiesoftheSS'sfinalvictims.Buttheyalsofoundseventhousandinmates

whohadchosennottoleavethecamp,mostlybecausetheyweretooillorweaktoflee.Thus,despitetheirconsiderableefforts,theNazisfailedtodestroyallevidenceofthecamps.BoththemagnitudeofthecrimeitselfandtheGermans'predispositionforbureaucraticefficiencymadeitinevitablethatthetruthwouldultimatelyberevealed.Whilehundredsof

documentsandbooksonthesubjectoftheKZ(theNaziconcentrationcamps)haveappearedoverthepastthirtytofortyyears—fromtheautobiographyoftheAuschwitzcommandantRudolfHoesstopersonalaccountsofsurvivors,andculminatinginDanutaCzech'smonumentalAuschwitzChronicle,1939-1945—nonetomyknowledgehasever

recountedindetailwhatwentoneverydayinsidethecrematoriums,forthesimplereasonthatthegatetothecrematoriumswasthegatetodeath.Almostmiraculously,Dr.

Nyiszlisurvived.Throughhiseyeswecanrelivethoseexceptionaltimes,andfromhisuniqueviewpointwitnessaswelltheslowdisintegrationofamad,grandioseempirebuilttolast

athousandyears.Forthepicturethatunfoldsbeneaththedoctor'suntutoredpenspanstheperiodfromthe"selections"madeuponarrivalatthecamptothemethodicalexterminationsof1944andearly1945,endingwiththenightmarishexodusthatmarkedtheNazicollapseinthewinterof1945.Isay"untutoredpen"because,asDr.Nyiszlihimselfstates:"WhenIlivedthroughthese

horrors,whicharebeyondallimagining,Iwasnotawriterbutadoctor.TodayinwritingaboutthemIwritenotasareporterbutasadoctor."Butstylisticinadequaciesareoflittleimportancehere;whatmattersinabookofthisnatureistherawmaterial.WhatMiklosNyiszlilived

throughandwitnessedmanywillprefernottobelieve,eventoday,forthehumanmindtendstoturnawayfrom

sufferingandwhateverisrepugnant.Fromthattodenyingthatsuchtreatmentandtorture,suchdebasementanddegradation,suchinhumanitytoone'sownfellowbeingscouldeverhavehappenedisbutasimplesteptotake.Fortherearesometodaywhorefusetobelievethattheexterminationoftwelvemillionpeople,ofwhichfivetosixmillionJews,evertookplace,who

indeedmaintainthatitwasallafabrication,orattheveryleastagrossexaggeration.Whiletheyareatinyminority,therearemanyotherswhosimplyprefertoblockitfromtheirminds.Andevenassumingoneknowsanddoesnotturnaway,onemaywellask:Whatisthepointofdwellingonthesubject?Whyrakeovercoldashes,stirupoldanimosities?Woulditnotbe

bettertoforgiveandforget,turntowardthefutureratherthanlookbackinangeronthefadingpast?Fairquestionsindeed.Theanswercomesfromthevictimsthemselves."ThesevictimsofNaziatrocities,"MeyerLevinoncewrote,"hidfragmentaryrecordsoftheirexperience,theyscratchedwordsonwalls,theydiedhopingtheworldwouldsomedayknow,notinstatisticsbutin

empathy.Wearechargedtolisten."Atleastintheearlyyears

followingtheirrelease,thosewhohadlivedthroughthecampswereoftenreluctantorunwillingtotalkoftheexperience,letalonewriteaboutit.Thesubjectwastoopainfultorecall;itwastimetohealandattempttogetonwiththeirlives.Latertheveilwaslifted,atleastinpart,assomefeltincreasinglyobliged

totelltheirstory"sothattheworldwouldnotforget."Lookingback,thequestionmostoftenaskedseemedtobe:Howcouldthishavehappened?Howcouldtheworldhaveallowedittohappen?Thereisnoeasyanswer,especiallysinceithasbecomeincreasinglyclearthat,inthelaterstagesofWorldWarII,manyWesternleadersdidknowifnotthegrimdetailsatleastthe

generaloutlineofwhatwashappeningbehindHitler'sbarbedwire.Butaseventshaveshowninrecentyears,theworld'sabilitytopreventoutrage,whetheritbeinVietnaminthe1960sortheformerYugoslaviainthe1990s,ispainfullylimited.Inadditiontothose

questionsmustbeaddedtheoneraisedsopoignantlyandinsistentlybyBrunoBettelheiminhisforewordto

Nyiszli'sbook:WhydidtheJewsallowthemselvestobearrested,deported,andkilledwithoutresisting?Andwhy,evenmoretothepoint,didonlyoneofthefourteenSonderkommandogroupsriseupinrebellionatthehouroftheirdeath?Knowingthelengthoftheirdays,knowingtheyhadliquidatedtheirpredecessorsandthattheirsuccessorswouldinlikemannereliminatethem,why

didtheynotall"dieasmen,notaslivingcorpses"?IthinktheanswertoallthosequestionsisbestifnotfullyansweredbyWalterLaqueur'sreminder,inhisforewordtoDanutaCzech'smagisterialwork,thatweshouldbearinmindtwoverydifferentelementsoftheHolocaustexperience.ManyifnotmostEuropeanJewswereintegratedintothesocietiesinwhichtheylived.

TheGermans,afterall,werethepeopleofBachandBeethoven,Kant,Goethe,andSchiller.How"bad"couldsuchapeoplereallybe?Hitler,anaberration,woulddoubtlesssoonpass.LaqueurandothersalsoremindusthatAuschwitz,inadditiontoitsotherinmates,atonepointhousedthirteenthousandRussianprisonersofwar,robustyoungmenwho,ifanyonecould,shouldhave

risenupandgonetotheirdeathfighting.Yetonlyninety-twosurvived,andtherewasnoRussianuprising.Verysimply,intheunfairgameoflifethenstaged,allthecamp'svictims—weretheyJews,gypsies,orPOWs—werepowerlessbeforethemasters'whimsandwishes.Byaconservativeestimate,

twelvemillionpeopleperishedintheNazi

concentrationcamps.Mostweremurderedincoldblood,butcountlessothersdiedbystarvation,illness,andsuicide.Thenumbersaretoostaggeringtocomprehend.ThevalueofDr.Nyiszli'sbookisnotinitsinsights.Itsimportanceliesinitsabilitytoshowus,firsthand,whatthatnetherworldreallywas.Ittells,asBrunoBettelheimsays,"ofeventswhich,thoughgruesome,needtobe

toldandretolduntiltheirmeaningforourtimesisaccepted.

—RichardSeaver

DECLARATION

I,theundersignedDr.MiklosNyiszli,physician,formerprisoneroftheGermanconcentrationcamps,declarethatthiswork,whichrelatesthedarkestdaysinthehistoryofmankind,wasdrawnupbymeinstrict

accordancewithreality,andwithouttheslightestexaggeration,inmycapacityasaneyewitnessandinvoluntaryparticipantintheworkoftheAuschwitzcrematoriums,intowhosefiresmillionsoffathers,mothersandchildrendisappeared.Aschiefphysicianofthe

Auschwitzcrematoriums,Idraftednumerousaffidavitsofdissectionandforensic

medicinefindingswhichIsignedwithmyowntattoonumber.Isentthesedocumentsbymail,countersignedbymysuperior,Dr.Mengele,totheBerlin-Dahlemaddressofthe"InstitutfurRassenbiologischeundAnthropologischeForschungen,"oneofthemostqualifiedmedicalcentersoftheThirdReich.Itshouldstillbepossibletofind

themtodayinthearchivesofthisResearchInstitute.InwritingthisworkIam

notaimingforanyliterarysuccess.WhenIlivedthroughthesehorrors,whichwerebeyondallimagining,

Iwasnotawriterbutadoctor.Today,intellingaboutthem,Iwritenotasareporterbutasadoctor.DoneatOradea-Nagyvarad,March1946.

Signed:Dr.MiklosNyiszli

Tomywifeanddaughter—returnedfromtheCampoftheDead

IMay,1944.Insideeachof

thelockedcattlecarsninetypeoplewerejammed.Thestenchoftheurinalbuckets,whichweresofulltheyoverflowed,madetheairunbreathable.Thetrainofthedeportees.

Forfourdays,fortyidenticalcarshadbeenrollingendlesslyon,firstacrossSlovakia,thenacrosstheterritoryoftheCentralGovernment,bearingustowardsanunknowndestination.WewerepartofthefirstgroupofoveramillionHungarianJewscondemnedtodeath.LeavingTatrabehindus,

wepassedthestationsofLublinandKrakau.During

thewarthesetwocitieswereusedasregroupmentcamps—or,moreexactly,asexterminationcamps—forherealltheanti-NazisofEuropewereherdedandsortedoutforextermination.Scarcelyanhouroutof

Krakauthetraingroundtoahaltbeforeastationofsomeimportance.SignsinGothiclettersannounceditas"Auschwitz,"aplacewhichmeantnothingtous,forwe

hadneverheardofit.Peeringthroughacrackin

thesideofthecar,Inoticedanunusualbustletakingplaceaboutthetrain.TheSStroopswhohadaccompaniedustillnowwerereplacedbyothers.Thetrainmenleftthetrain.FromchancesnatchesofconversationoverheardIgatheredwewerenearingtheendofourjourney.Thelineofcarsbeganto

moveagain,andsometwenty

minuteslaterstoppedwithaprolonged,stridentwhistleofthelocomotive.ThroughthecrackIsawa

desert-liketerrain:theearthwasayellowishclay,similartothatofEasternSilesia,brokenhereandtherebyagreenthicketoftrees.Concretepylonsstretchedinevenrowstothehorizon,withbarbedwirestrungbetweenthemfromtoptobottom.Signswarnedusthat

thewireswereelectricallychargedwithhightensioncurrent.Insidetheenormoussquaresboundedbythepylonsstoodhundredsofbarracks,coveredwithgreentar-paperandarrangedtoformalong,rectangularnetworkofstreetsasfarastheeyecouldsee.Tatteredfigures,dressedin

thestripedburlapofprisoners,movedaboutinsidethecamp.Somewere

carryingplanks,otherswerewieldingpicksandshovels,and,fartheron,stillotherswerehoistingfattrunksontothebacksofwaitingtrucks.Thebarbedwireenclosure

wasinterruptedeverythirtyorfortyyardsbyelevatedwatchtowers,ineachofwhichanSSguardstoodleaningagainstamachinegunmountedonatripod.ThisthenwastheAuschwitzconcentrationcamp,or,

accordingtotheGermans,whodelightinabbreviatingeverything,theKZ,pronounced"Katzet"Notaveryencouragingsighttosaytheleast,butforthemomentourawakenedcuriositygotthebetterofourfear.Iglancedaroundthecarat

mycompanions.Ourgroupconsistedofsometwenty-sixdoctors,sixpharmacists,sixwomen,ourchildren,andsomeelderlypeople,both

menandwomen,ourparentsandrelatives.Seatedontheirbaggageoronthefloorofthecar,theylookedbothtiredandapathetic,theirfacesbetrayingasortofforebodingthateventheexcitementofourarrivalwasunabletodispel.Severalofthechildrenwereasleep.Otherssatmunchingthefewscrapsoffoodwehadleft.Andtherest,findingnothingtoeat,werevainlytryingtowet

theirdesiccatedlipswithdrytongues.Heavyfootstepscrunched

onthesand.Theshoutofordersbrokethemonotonyofthewait.Thesealsonthecarswerebroken.Thedoorslidslowlyopenandwecouldalreadyhearthemgivingusorders."Everyonegetoutand

bringhishandbaggagewithhim.Leaveallheavybaggageinthecars."

Wejumpedtotheground,thenturnedtotakeourwivesandchildreninourarmsandhelpthemdown,forthelevelofthecarswasoverfourandahalffeetfromtheground.Theguardshaduslineupalongthetracks.BeforeusstoodayoungSSofficer,impeccableinhisuniform,agoldrosettegracinghislapel,hisbootssmartlypolished.ThoughunfamiliarwiththevariousSSranks,Isurmised

fromhisarmbandthathewasadoctor.LaterIlearnedthathewastheheadoftheSSgroup,thathisnamewasDr.Mengele,andthathewaschiefphysicianoftheAuschwitzconcentrationcamp.Asthe"medicalselector"forthecamp,hewaspresentatthearrivalofeverytrain.Inthemomentsthat

followedweexperiencedcertainphasesofwhat,at

Auschwitz,wascalled"selection."Asforthesubsequentphases,everyonelivedthroughthemaccordingtohisparticularfate.Tostart,theSSquickly

dividedusaccordingtosex,leavingallchildrenunderfourteenwiththeirmothers.Soouronceunitedgroupwasstraightwaysplitintwo.Afeelingofdreadoverwhelmedus.Buttheguardsrepliedtoouranxiousquestionsina

paternal,almostgood-naturedmanner.Itwasnothingtobeconcernedabout.Theywerebeingtakenoffforabathandtobedisinfected,aswasthecustom.Afterwardswewouldallbereunitedwithourfamilies.Whiletheysortedusout

fortransportationIhadachancetolookaround.Inthelightofthedyingsuntheimageglimpsedearlierthroughthecrackinthebox

carseemedtohavechanged,grownmoreeeryandmenacing.Oneobjectimmediatelycaughtmyeye:animmensesquarechimney,builtofredbricks,taperingtowardsthesummit.Ittoweredaboveatwo-storybuildingandlookedlikeastrangefactorychimney.Iwasespeciallystruckbytheenormoustonguesofflamerisingbetweenthelightningrods,whichweresetatangles

onthesquaretopsofthechimney.Itriedtoimaginewhathellishcookingwouldrequiresuchatremendousfire.SuddenlyIrealizedthatwewereinGermany,thelandofthecrematoryovens.Ihadspenttenyearsinthiscountry,firstasastudent,laterasadoctor,andknewthateventhesmallestcityhaditscrematorium.Sothe"factory"wasa

crematorium.Alittlefarther

onIsawasecondbuildingwithitschimney;then,almosthiddeninathicket,athird,whosechimneyswerespewingthesameflames.Afaintwindbroughtthesmoketowardsme.Mynose,thenmythroat,werefilledwiththenauseatingodorofburningfleshandscorchedhair.—Plentyoffoodforthoughtthere.Butmeanwhilethesecondphaseofselectionhadbegun.Insinglefile,

men,women,children,theaged,hadtopassbeforetheselectioncommittee.Dr.Mengele,themedical

"selector,"madeasign.Theylinedupagainintwogroups.Theleft-handcolumnincludedtheaged,thecrippled,thefeeble,andwomenwithchildrenunderfourteen.Theright-handcolumnconsistedentirelyofable-bodiedmenandwomen:thoseabletowork.Inthis

lattergroupInoticedmywifeandfourteen-year-olddaughter.Wenolongerhadanywayofspeakingtoeachother;allwecoulddowasmakesigns.Thosetoosicktowalk,the

agedandinsane,wereloadedintoRedCrossvans.Someoftheelderlydoctorsinmygroupaskediftheycouldalsogetintothevans.Thetrucksdeparted,thentheleft-handgroup,fiveabreast,flanked

bySSguards,movedoffinitsturn.Inafewminutestheywereoutofsight,cutofffromviewbyathicketoftrees.Theright-handcolumnhad

notmoved.Dr.Mengeleorderedalldoctorstostepforward;hethenapproachedthenewgroup,composedofsomefiftydoctors,andaskedthosewhohadstudiedinaGermanuniversity,whohadathoroughknowledgeofpathologyandhadpracticed

forensicmedicine,tostepforward."Beverycareful,"he

added."Youmustbeequaltothetask;forifyou'renot..."andhismenacinggestureleftlittletotheimagination.Iglancedatmycompanions.Perhapstheywereintimidated.Whatdiditmatter!Mymindwasalreadymadeup.Ibrokeranksandpresented

myself.Dr.Mengele

questionedmeatlength,askingmewhereIhadstudied,thenamesofmypathologyprofessors,howIhadacquiredaknowledgeofforensicmedicine,howlongIhadpracticed,etc.Apparentlymyanswersweresatisfactory,forheimmediatelyseparatedmefromtheothersandorderedmycolleaguestoreturntotheirplaces.Forthemomenttheywerespared.BecauseImustnowstatea

truthofwhichIthenwasignorant,namely,thattheleft-handgroup,andthosewhowentoffincars,passedafewmomentslaterthroughthedoorsofthecrematorium.Fromwhichnooneeverreturned.

II

Standingalone,alittleapartfromtheothers,Ifelltothinkingaboutthestrangeanddeviouswaysoffate,and,moreprecisely,aboutGermany,whereIhadspentsomeofthehappiestyearsofmylife.

Now,abovemyhead,theskywasbrightwithstars,andthesofteveningbreezewouldhavebeenrefreshingif,fromtimetotime,ithadnotbornewithittheodorofbodiesburningintheThirdReich'scrematoriums.Hundredsofsearchlights

strungontopoftheconcretepillarsshonewithadazzlingbrilliance.Andyet,behindthechainoflights,itseemedasthoughtheairhadgrown

heavier,envelopingthecampinathickveil,throughwhichonlytheblurredsilhouettesofthebarracksshowed.Bynowthecarswere

empty.Somemen,dressedinprisongarb,arrivedandunloadedtheheavybaggagewehadleftbehind,thenloadeditontowaitingtrucks.Inthegatheringdarknessthefortyboxcarsslowlyfaded,tillatlasttheymeltedcompletelyintothe

surroundingcountryside.Dr.Mengele,havingissued

hisfinalinstructionstotheSStroops,crossedtohiscar,climbedinbehindthewheelandmotionedformetojoinhim.IgotintothebackseatbesideanSSjuniorofficerandwestartedoff.Thecarbouncedcrazilyalongtheclayroadsofthecamp,whichwereruttedandfilledwithpotholesfromthespringrains.Thebrightsearchlights

flewpastus,fasterandfaster,andinashortwhilewestoppedbeforeanarmoredgate.FromhispostanSSsentrycamerunninguptoletthefamiliarcarthrough.Wedroveafewhundredyardsfartheralongthemainroadofthecamp,whichwasboundedoneithersidebybarracks,thenstoppedagaininfrontofabuildingwhichwasinbettershapethantheothers.Asignbesidetheentranceinformed

methatthiswasthe"CampOffice."Insideseveralpeople,with

deep,intelligenteyesandrefinedfaces,wearingtheuniformofprisoners,satworkingattheirdesks.Theyimmediatelyroseandcametoattention.Dr.Mengelecrossedtooneofthem,amanofaboutfifty,whoseheadwasshavedclean.SinceIwasstandingafewstepsbehindtheObersturmfuhrer,itwas

impossibleformetohearwhattheyweresaying.Dr.Sentkeller,aprisoner,and,asIlaterlearned,theFCampdoctor,noddedhisheadinassent.Athisrequest,Iapproachedanotherprisoner'sdesk.Theclerkrummagedforsomefilecards,thenaskedmeanumberofquestionsaboutmyself,recordedtheanswersbothonthecardandinalargebook,andhandedthecardtoanSSguard.Then

welefttheroom.AsIpassedinfrontofDr.MengeleIbowedslightly.Observingthis,Dr.Sentkellercouldnotrefrainfromraisinghisvoiceandremarking,ironicallyratherthanwithintendedmalice,thatsuchcivilitieswerenotthecustomhere,andthatonewoulddowellnottoplaythemanoftheworldintheKZ.Aguardtookmetoanother

barracks,ontheentranceto

whichwaswritten:"Baths&Disinfection,"whereIandmycardwereturnedovertostillanotherguard.Aprisonerapproachedmeandtookmymedicalbag,thensearchedmeandtoldmetoundress.Abarbercameoverandshavedfirstmyhead,thentherestofmybody,andsentmetotheshowers.Theyrubbedmyheadwithasolutionofcalciumchloride,whichburntmyeyessobadlythatfor

severalminutesIcouldnotopenthemagain.Inanotherroommyclothes

wereexchangedforaheavy,almostnewjacket,andapairofstripedtrousers.Theygavemebackmyshoesafterhavingdippedtheminatankcontainingthesamesolutionofcalciumchloride.Itriedonmynewclothesandfoundtheyfittedmequitewell.(Iwonderedwhatpoorwretchhadwornthembeforeme.)

BeforeIcouldreflectanyfurther,however,anotherprisonerpulledupmyleftsleeveand,checkingthenumberonmycard,beganskillfullytomakeaseriesoflittletattoomarksonmyarm,usinganinstrumentfilledwithablueink.Anumberofsmall,bluishspotsappearedalmostimmediately."Yourarmwillswella

little,"hereassuredme,"butinaweekthatwilldisappear

andthenumberwillstandoutquiteclearly."SoI,Dr.MiklosNyiszli,

hadceasedtoexist;henceforthIwouldbe,merely,KZprisonerNumberA8450.SuddenlyIrecalledanother

scene;fifteenyearsbeforetheRectoroftheMedicalSchoolofFrederickWilhelmUniversityinBreslaushookmyhandandwishedmeabrilliantfutureashehanded

memydiploma,"withthecongratulationsofthejury."

IIIForthemomentmy

situationwastolerable.Dr.Mengeleexpectedmetoperformtheworkofaphysician.IwouldprobablybesenttosomeGermancityasareplacementforaGermandoctorwhohadbeendraftedintomilitaryservice,andwhosefunctionshadincludedpathologyandforensicmedicine.Moreover,

Iwasfilledwithhopebythefactthat,byDr.Mengele'sorders,Ihadnotbeenissuedaprisoner'sburlap,butanexcellentsuitofcivilianclothes.Itwasalreadypast

midnight,butmycuriositykeptmefromfeelingtired.Ilistenedcarefullytothebarrackschief'severyword.HeknewthecompleteorganizationoftheKZ,thenamesoftheSScommanders

ineachcampsection,aswellasthoseoftheprisonerswhooccupiedimportantposts.IlearnedthattheAuschwitzKZwasnotaworkcamp,butthelargestexterminationcampintheThirdReich.Healsotoldmeofthe"selections"thatweremadedailyinthehospitalsandthebarracks.Hundredsofprisonerswereloadedeverydayontotrucksandtransportedtothe

crematoriums,onlyafewhundredyardsaway.FromhistalesIlearnedof

lifeinthebarracks.Eighthundredtoathousandpeoplewerecrammedintothesuperimposedcompartmentsofeachbarracks.Unabletostretchoutcompletely,theyslepttherebothlengthwiseandcrosswise,withoneman'sfeetonanother'shead,neck,orchest.Strippedofallhumandignity,theypushed

andshovedandbitandkickedeachotherinanefforttogetafewmoreinches'spaceonwhichtosleepalittlemorecomfortably.Fortheydidnothavelongtosleep:reveillesoundedatthreeinthemorning.Thenguards,armedwithrubberclubs,drovetheprisonersfromtheir"beds."Stillhalfasleep,theypouredfromthebarracks,elbowingandshoving,andimmediately

linedupoutside.ThenbeganthemostinhumanepartoftheKZprogram:rollcall.Theprisonerswerestandinginrowsoffive.Thoseinchargearrangedtheminorder.Thebarracksclerklinedthemupbyheight,thetalleronesinfrontandtheshorterbehind.Thenanotherguardarrived,theday'sdutyguardforthesection,andhe,lashingoutwithhisfistsashewent,pushedthetallermenback

andhadtheshortmenbroughtupfront.Then,finally,thebarracksleaderarrived,welldressedandwellfed.Hetoowasdressedinprisongarb,buthisuniformwascleanandneatlypressed.Hepausedandhaughtilyscannedtherankstoseeifeverythingwasinorder.Naturallyitwasnot,sohebeganswingingwithclosedfistsatthoseinthefrontrankwhowerewearingglasses,

anddrovethemintothebackrank.Why?Nobodyknew.Infactyoudidnoteventhinkaboutit,forthiswastheKZ,andnoonewouldeventhinkofhuntingforareasonableexplanationforsuchacts.Thissportcontinuedfor

severalhours.Theycountedtherowsofmenmorethanfifteentimes,fromfronttobackandbacktofrontandineveryotherpossibledirectiontheycoulddevise.Ifarow

wasnotstraighttheentirebarracksremainedsquattingforanhour,theirhandsraisedabovetheirheads,theirlegstremblingwithfatigueandcold.ForeveninsummertheAuschwitzdawnswerecold,andtheprisoners'lightburlapservedasscantprotectionagainsttherainandcold.But,winterandsummer,rollcallbeganat3:00a.m.andendedat7:00,whentheSSofficersarrived.

Thebarracksleader,anobsequiousservantoftheSS,wasinvariablyacommonlawcriminal,whosegreeninsigniadistinguishedhimfromtheotherprisoners.Hesnappedtoattentionandmadehisreport,givingamusterofthosemenunderhiscommand.NextitwastheturnoftheSStoinspecttheranks:theycountedthecolumnsandinscribedthenumbersintheirnotebooks.If

therewereanydeadinthebarracks—andthereweregenerallyfiveorsixaday,sometimesasmanyasten—theytoohadtobepresentfortheinspection.Andnotonlypresentinname,butphysicallypresent,standing,starknaked,supportedbytwolivingprisonersuntilthemusterwasover.For,livingordead,theprescribednumberofprisonershadtobepresentandaccountedfor.It

sometimeshappenedthatwhentheywereoverworked,thekommandowhosejobitwastotransportthedeadinwheelbarrowsfailedtopassbyforseveraldays.Thenthedeadhadtobebroughttoeachinspectionuntilthetransportationkommandofinallyarrivedtotakechargeofthem.Onlythenweretheirnamescrossedoffthemusterlist.AfterallIhadlearned,I

wasnotsorrytohaveactedboldlyandtriedtobettermylot.Byhavingbeenchosen,theveryfirstday,toworkasadoctor,Ihadbeenabletoescapethefateofbeinglostinthemassanddrownedinthefilthofthequarantinecamp.1Thankstomycivilian

clothes,Ihadmanagedtomaintainahumanappearance,andthisevening

Iwouldsleepinthemedicalroombedofthetwelfth"hospital"barracks.Atseveninthemorning:

reveille.Thedoctorsinmysection,aswellasthepersonnelofthehospital,linedupinfrontofthebarrackstobecounted.Thattookabouttwoorthreeminutes.Theyalsocountedthebedridden,aswellasthepreviousnight'sdead.Heretoothedeadwerestretched

outbesidetheliving.Duringbreakfast,whichwe

tookinourrooms,Imetmycolleagues.Theheaddoctorofbarracks-hospitalnumber12wasDr.Levy,professorattheUniversityofStrasbourg;hisassociatewasDr.Gras,professorattheUniversityofZagreb;bothwereexcellentpractitioners,knownthroughoutEuropefortheirskill.Withpracticallyno

medicines,workingwithdefectiveinstrumentsandinsurroundingswherethemostelementaryasepticsandantisepticswerelacking,unmindfuloftheirpersonaltragedy,unconsciousoffatigueanddanger,theydidtheirbesttocareforthesickandeasethesufferingsoftheirfellowmen.IntheAuschwitzKZthe

healthiestindividualwasgiventhreeorfourweeksto

collapsefromhunger,filth,blowsandinhumanlabor.Howcanonedescribethestateofthosewhowerealreadyorganicallyillwhentheyreachedthecamp?Incircumstanceswhereitwasdifficulttoforgetthatonewasahumanbeing,andadoctorbesides,theypracticedtheirprofessionwithcompletedevotion.Theirexamplewasfaithfullyfollowedbythesubaltern

medicalcorps,whichwascomposedofsixdoctors.TheywereallyoungFrenchorGreekdoctors.ForthreeyearstheyhadbeeneatingtheKZbreadmadefromwildchestnutssprinkledwithsawdust.Theirwives,theirchildren,theirrelativesandfriendshadbeenliquidateduponarrival.Orrather,burned.Ifbychancetheyhadbeendirectedtotheright-handcolumntheyhadbeen

unabletostandupundertheordealformorethantwoorthreemonthsand,asthe"chosen,"haddisappearedintotheflames.Overcomebydespair,

resigned,apathetic,theyneverthelessattempted,withtheutmostdevotion,tohelptheliving-deadwhosefatewasintheirhands.Fortheprisonersofthathospitalweretheliving-dead.Onehadtobeseriouslyillbeforebeing

admittedtotheKZhospital.Forthemostparttheywerelivingskeletons:dehydrated,emaciated,theirlipswerecracked,theirfacesswollen,andtheyhadincurabledysentery.Theirbodieswerecoveredwithenormousandrepulsiverunningsoresandsuppuratingulcers.SuchweretheKZ'ssick.Suchwerethoseonehadtocareforandcomfort.

IVIstillhadnoclearly

definedjob.DuringavisitaroundthecampinthecompanyofaFrenchdoctor,InoticedasortofannexjuttingoutfromonesideofaKZbarracks.Fromtheoutsideitlookedlikeatoolshed.Inside,however,Isawatableaboutashighasaman'shead,builtofunplaned,ratherthickboards;achair;a

boxofdissectinginstruments;and,inonecorner,apail.Iaskedmycolleaguewhatitwasusedfor."That'stheKZ'sonly

dissectingroom,"hesaid."Ithasn'tbeenusedforsometime.Asamatteroffact,Idon'tknowofanyspecialistinthecampwho'squalifiedtoperformdissections,andIwouldn'tbeabitsurprisedtolearnthatyourpresencehereistiedinwithDr.Mengele's

plansforreactivatingit."Theverythought

dampenedmyspirits,forIhadpicturedmyselfworkinginamoderndissectingroom,notinthiscampshed.InthecourseofmyentiremedicalcareerIhadneverhadtoworkwithsuchdefectiveinstrumentsasthese,orinaroomsoprimitivelyequipped.EvenwhenIhadbeencalledintotheprovincesoncasesofmurderand

suicide,wheretheautopsyhadhadtobeperformedonthespot,Ihadbeenbetterequippedandinstalled.NeverthelessIresigned

myselftotheinevitable,andacceptedeventhiseventuality,forintheKZthiswasstillafavoredposition.AndyetIstillcouldnotunderstandwhyIhadbeengivenalmostnewcivilianclothesifIwereslatedtoworkinadirtyshed.Itdidn't

makesense.ButIdecidednottowastemytimeworryingaboutsuchapparentcontradictions.Stillinthecompanyofmy

Frenchcolleague,Igazedoutacrossthebarbedwireenclosures.Nakeddark-skinnedchildrenwererunningandplaying.WomenwithCreole-likefacesandgailycoloredclothes,andhalf-nakedmen,seatedonthegroundingroups,chattedas

theywatchedthechildrenplay.Thiswasthefamous"GypsyCamp."TheThirdReich'sethnologicalexpertshadclassifiedgypsiesasaninferiorrace.Accordingly,theyhadbeenroundedup,notonlyinGermanyitself,butthroughouttheoccupiedcountries,andherdedhere.BecausetheywereCatholics,theywereallowedtheprivilegeofremaininginfamilygroups.

Therewereabout4,500oftheminall.Theydidnowork,butwereassignedthejobofpolicingtheneighboringJewishcampsandbarracks,wheretheyexercisedtheirauthoritywithunimaginablecruelty.TheGypsyCampoffered

onecuriosity:theexperimentalbarracks.ThedirectoroftheResearchLaboratorywasDr.Epstein,professorattheUniversityof

Prague,apediatricianofworldrenown,aKZprisonersince1940.HisassistantwasDr.Bendel,oftheUniversityofParisMedicalSchool.Threecategoriesof

experimentswereperformedhere:thefirstconsistedofresearchintotheoriginandcausesofdualbirths,astudywhichthebirthoftheDionnequintupletstenyearsbeforehadcausedtobepursuedwithrenewedinterest.Thesecond

wasthesearchtodiscoverthebiologicalandpathologicalcausesforthebirthofdwarfsandgiants.Andthethirdwasthestudyofthecausesandtreatmentofadiseasecommonlycalled"drygangreneoftheface."Thisterriblediseaseis

exceptionallyrare;inordinarypracticeyouscarcelyevercomeacrossit.ButhereintheGypsyCampitwasfairlycommonamongboth

childrenandadolescents.Andso,becauseofitsprevalence,researchhadbeengreatlyfacilitatedandconsiderableprogressmadetowardsfindinganeffectivemethodoftreatingit.Accordingtoestablished

medicalconcepts,"drygangreneoftheface"generallyappearsinconjunctionwithmeasles,scarletfeverandtyphoidfever.Butthesediseases,plus

thecamp'sdeplorablesanitaryconditions,seemedonlytobethefactorsthatfavoreditsdevelopment,sinceitalsoexistedintheCzech,PolishandJewishcamps.Butitwasespeciallyprevalentamonggypsychildren,andfromthisithadbeendeducedthatitspresencemustbedirectlyrelatedtohereditarysyphilis,forthesyphilisrateintheGypsyCampwasextremelyhigh.

Fromtheseobservationsanewtreatment,consistingofacombinationofmalariainjectionsanddosesofadrugwhosetradenameis"Novarsenobenzol,"hadbeendeveloped,withmostpromisingresults.Dr.Mengelepaiddaily

visitstotheexperimentalbarracksandparticipatedactivelyinallphasesoftheresearch.Heworkedincollaborationwithtwo

prisoner-doctorsandapainternamedDina,whoseartisticskillwasagreatassettotheenterprise.DinawasanativeofPrague,andhadbeenaKZprisonerforthreeyears.AsDr.Mengele'sassistantshewasgrantedcertainprivilegesthatordinaryprisonersneverenjoyed.

VDr.Mengelewas

indefatigableintheexerciseofhisfunctions.Hespentlonghoursinhislaboratories,thenhurriedtotheunloadingplatform,wherethedailyarrivaloffourorfivetrainloadsofHungariandeporteeskepthimbusyhalftheday.Unceasinglythenew

convoysmarchedoffin

columnsoffive,flankedbySSguards.Iwatchedonecomeinandlineup.Althoughmyvantagepointwasatsomedistancefromthetracksandmyviewobstructedbythemazeofbarbedwirefences,Icouldstillseethatthisconvoyhadbeenexpelledfromsomefair-sizedcity:theprisoners'clothesweresmartlytailored,manywerewearingnewpoplinraincoats,andthe

suitcasestheycarriedwereofexpensiveleather.Inthatcity,whereveritwas,theyhadmanagedtocreateforthemselvesapleasant,culturedwayoflife.Andthatwasthecardinalsinforwhichtheywerenowpayingsodearly.Despitehisnumerous

functions,Dr.Mengeleevenfoundtimeforme.Acart,drawnbyprisoners,drewupbeforethedissectingroom

door.Thetransportationgroupunloadedtwocorpses.OntheircheststhelettersZandS(ZurSektion),markedwithaspecialchalk,indicatedthattheyweretobedissected.ThechiefofBarracks12assignedanintelligentprisonertoassistme.Togetherweplacedoneofthebodiesonthedissectiontable.Inoticedathickblacklineacrosshisneck.Eitherhehadhangedhimself,orbeen

hanged.Takingaquicklookatthesecondbody,Isawthatdeathhadherebeencausedbyelectrocution.Thatmuchcouldbededucedfromthesmallsuperficialskinburnsandtheyellowish-redcolorationaroundthem.Iwonderedwhetherhehadthrownhimselfagainstthehigh-tensionwires,orwhetherhehadbeenpushed.BothwerecommonintheKZ.

Theformalitieswerethesame,whetheritwasacaseofsuicideormurder.Intheevening,atrollcall,thenamesofthedeceasedwouldbescratchedfromthemusterlist,andtheirbodiesloadedonto"hearses"fortransportationtothecampmorgue.Thereanothertruckwouldpickthemup,attherateoffortytofiftyaday,andbearthemtothecrematorium.

ThetwobodiesDr.MengelehadsentmewerethefirstIhadbeengiventoexamine.Thedaybefore,hehadwarnedmetoworkonthemcarefullyanddoagoodjob.Iplannedtocarryouthisorderstothebestofmyability.Acarpulledup.Inthe

barracksthecommand"Attention"rangout.Dr.MengeleandtwoseniorSSofficershadjustarrived.They

listenedasthebarracksleaderanddoctormadetheirreports,thenheadedstraightforthedissectingroom,followedbytheFCampprisoner-doctors.Theyarrangedthemselvesinacirclearoundtheroom,asthoughthiswereapathologyclassinsomeimportantmedicalcenterandthecaseathandaparticularlyinterestingone.IsuddenlyrealizedthatIwasabouttotakeanexamination,andthatthis

wasthejurybeforeme,ahighlyimportantanddangerousjury.Ialsoknewthatmyfellowprisoner-doctorswerekeepingtheirfingerscrossedforme.NoonepresentknewthatI

hadspentthreeyearsattheBorosloInstituteofForensicMedicine,whereIhadhadachancetostudyeverypossibleformofsuicideunderthesupervisionofProfessorStrasseman.I

realizedthat,asprisoner-doctorA8450,IhadbetterremembernowallthatDr.MiklosNyiszlihadformerlyknown.Ibeganthedissection.I

proceededtoopenfirsttheskull,thenthethoraxandfinallytheabdominalcavity.Iextractedalltheorgans,

notedeverythingthatwasabnormal,andrepliedwithouthesitationtoallthenumerousquestionstheyfiredatme.

Theirfacesshowedthattheircuriosityhadbeensatisfied,andfromtheirapprovingnodsandglancesIsurmisedthatIhadpassedtheexamination.AftertheseconddissectionDr.Mengeleorderedmetopreparethestatementofmyfindings.Somebodywouldstopbytopickituponthefollowingday.AftertheSSdoctorshadleftIconversedawhilewithmyfellowprisoners.

Onthefollowingdaythreemorebodiesarrivedfordissection.Thesamepublicappeared,butthistimetheatmospherewaslesstense,fortheyknewmeandhadseenmywork.Thosepresenttookamorelivelyinterest,madeanumberofastuteandprovocativecomments,andoncertainpointsthediscussiongrewquiteanimated.Afterthedepartureofthe

SSdoctors,severalFrenchandGreekdoctorspaidmeacallandaskedifIwouldinstructtheminthetechniqueoflumbarpunctures.Theyalsorequestedmetograntthemauthorizationtotrytheoperationonsomeofthebodiesgivenme,arequestIreadilygranted.Iwasdeeplymovedtofindthat,eveninsidethebarbedwirefences,theycontinuedtomanifestsuchaninterestintheir

profession.Theyattemptedthepunctureandaftersixorseventriesatlastsucceeded,thenwithdrew,quitepleasedwiththeirafternoon'swork.

VIForthenextthreedaysI

hadnothingtodo.Iwasstilldrawingthesupplementaryrationsissuedtodoctors,butIspentmostofmytimeeitherstretchedoutonmybedorseatedonthebleachersofthestadium,whichwaslocatednotfarfromFCamp.Yes,evenAuschwitzhaditsstadium.Butitwasreservedexclusivelyfortheuseofthe

GermanprisonersoftheThirdReich,whoactedasclerksinvariouscampsections.OnSundaysthestadiumwastheexcitedhubofsportsactivity,butonweekdaysthevastfieldlayquietandempty.Onlyabarbedwirefenceseparatedthestadiumfromnumberonecrematorium.Iwantedverymuchtoknowjustwhatwentonintheshadowoftheimmensestack,whichnever

ceasedspewingtonguesofflame.FromwhereIwassittingtherewasnotmuchonecouldsee.Andtoapproachthebarbedwirewasunwise,forthewatchtowermachinegunssprayedtheareawithoutwarningtofrightenawayanyonewhohappenedtowanderintothisNo-Man's-Land.Nevertheless,Isawthata

groupofmenincivilianclotheswasliningupinthe

crematoriumcourtyard,directlyinfrontofthered-brickbuilding:therewereabout200inall,withanSSguardinfront.Itlookedtomelikearollcall,andIassumedthatthiswasthenightwatchbeingrelievedbytheoncomingdaywatch.Forthecrematoriumsranonatwenty-four-hourschedule,asIlearnedfromafellowprisoner,whoalsoinformedmethatthecrematorium

personnelwereknownastheSonderkommando,whichmeans,merely,kommandosassignedtospecialwork.Theywerewellfedandgivencivilianclothes.Theywereneverpermittedtoleavethegroundsofthecrematorium,andeveryfourmonths,whentheyhadlearnedtoomuchabouttheplacefortheirowngood,theywereliquidated.Tillnowsuchhadbeenthefateofevery

SonderkommandosincethefoundingoftheKZ;thisexplainswhynoonehadeverescapedtotelltheworldwhathadbeentakingplaceinsidethesegrimwallsforthepastseveralyears.IreturnedtoBarracks12

justintimeforDr.Mengele'sarrival.Hedroveupandwasreceivedbythebarracksguard,thensentformeandaskedmetojoinhiminhiscar.Thistimetherewasno

guardwithus.WeweregonebeforeIevenhadtimetosaygoodbyetomycolleagues.HestoppedinfrontoftheCampOfficeandaskedDr.Sentkellertogetmycard,thenstartedoffagainalongthebumpyroad.Forabouttwelveminutes

wedrovethroughthelabyrinthofbarbedwireandenteredwell-guardedgates,thuspassingfromonesectiontoanother.OnlythendidI

realizehowvasttheKZwas.Fewpeoplehadthepossibilityofverifyingthatfact,becausethemajoritydiedattheveryplacetowhichtheyweresentwhentheyfirstarrived.LaterIlearnedthattheAuschwitzKZhadatcertainperiods,heldmorethan100,000peoplewithinitsenclosureofelectrifiedbarbedwire.2Dr.Mengelesuddenly

interruptedmymeditations.Withoutturning,hesaid:"TheplaceI'mtakingyoutoisnosanatorium,butyou'llfindthatconditionstherearenottoobad."Weleftthecampand

skirtedtheJewishunloadingrampforabout300yards.Alargearmoredgateinthebarbedwireopenedbehindtheguard.Wewentin:beforeuslayaspaciouscourtyard,coveredwithgreengrass.The

gravelpathsandtheshadeofthepinetreeswouldhavemadetheplacequitepleasanthadtherenotbeen,attheendofthecourtyard,anenormousredbrickbuildingandachimneyspittingflame.Wewereinoneofthecrematoriums.Westayedinthecar.AnSSranupandsalutedDr.Mengele.Thenwegotout,crossedthecourtyardandwentthroughalargedoorintothe

crematorium."Istheroomready?"Dr.

Mengeleaskedtheguard."Yes,sir,"themanreplied.Weheadedtowardsit,Dr.

Mengeleleadingtheway.Theroominquestionwas

freshlywhitewashedandwelllightedbyalargewindow,which,however,wasbarred.Thefurnishings,afterthoseofthebarracks,surprisedme:awhitebed;acloset,alsowhite;alargetableandsome

chairs.Onthetable,aredvelvettablecloth.Theconcretefloorwascoveredwithhandsomerugs.IhadtheimpressionIwasexpected.TheSonderkommandomenhadpaintedtheroomandoutfitteditwithobjectsthattheprecedingconvoyshadleftbehind.Wethenpassedthroughadarkcorridoruntilwereachedanotherroom,averybright,completelymoderndissectingroom,with

twowindows.Thefloorwasofredconcrete;inthecenteroftheroom,mountedonaconcretebase,stoodadissectingtableofpolishedmarble,equippedwithseveraldrainagechannels.Attheedgeofthetableabasinwithnickeltapshadbeeninstalled;againstthewall,threeporcelainsinks.Thewallswerepaintedalightgreen,andlargebarredwindowswerecoveredwithgreen

metalscreenstokeepoutfliesandmosquitoes.Weleftthedissectingroom

forthenextroom:theworkroom.Heretherewerefancychairsandpaintings;inthemiddleoftheroom,alargetablecoveredwithagreencloth;allabout,comfortablearmchairs.Icountedthreemicroscopesonthetable.Inonecornertherewasawell-stockedlibrary,whichcontainedthemostrecent

editions.Inanothercorneracloset,inwhichwerestowedwhitesmocks,aprons,towelsandrubbergloves.Inshort,theexactreplicaofanylargecity'sinstituteofpathology.Itookitallin,paralyzed

withfright.AssoonasIhadcomethroughthemaingateIhadrealizedthatIwasondeath'spath.Aslowdeath,openingitsmaddeningdepthsbeforeme.IfeltIwaslost.NowIunderstoodwhyI

hadbeengivencivilianclothes.ThiswastheuniformoftheSonderkommando—thekommandooftheliving-dead.Mychiefwaspreparingto

leave;heinformedtheSSguardthatasfaras"service"wasconcernedIdependedexclusivelyonhim.Thecrematorium'sSSpersonnelhadnojurisdictionoverme.TheSSkitchenhadtoprovidemyfood;Icouldget

mylinenandsupplementaryclothingattheSSwarehouse.Forshavesandhaircuts,IhadtherighttousetheSSbarbershopinthebuilding.Iwouldnothavetobepresentfortheeveningormorningrollcall.Besidesmylaboratoryand

anatomicalwork,Iwasalsoresponsibleforthemedicalcareofallthecrematorium'sSSpersonnel—about120men—aswellasthe

Sonderkommando—about860prisoners.Medicines,medicalinstruments,dressings,allinsufficientquantity,wereatmydisposal.Sothattheyshouldreceivesuitablemedicalattention,Ihadtovisitallthosesickinthecrematoriumonceaday,andsometimeseventwice.Icouldcirculateamongthefourcrematoriumswithoutapassfrom7:00a.m.till700p.m.Iwouldhavetomake

outadailyreporttotheSScommandantandtotheSonderkommandoOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld,listingthenumberofill,bedriddenandambulatorypatients.Ilistened,almost

paralyzed,totheenumerationofmyrightsandduties.Undersuchconditions,IshouldbetheKZ'smostimportantfigure,wereInotinthe

Sonderkommandoandwereallthisnottakingplaceinthe"NumberoneKrema"Dr.Mengeleleftwithouta

word.NeverdidanSS,nomatterhowlowinrank,greetaKZprisoner.Ilockedthedoortothedissectingroom;fromnowonitwasmyresponsibility.Ireturnedtomyroomand

satdown,wantingtocollectmythoughts.Itwasnoteasy.Iwentbacktothebeginning.

Theimageofmyabandonedhomecamebacktome.Icouldseetheneatlittlehouse,withitssunnyterracesandpleasantrooms,roomsinwhichIhadspentsomanylongandtryinghourswithmypatients,butwiththesatisfactionofknowingIhadgiventhemcomfortandstrength.ThesamehouseinwhichIhadspentsomanyhoursofhappinesswithmyfamily.

Wehadalreadybeenseparatedforaweek.Wherecouldtheybe,lostinthisenormousmass,anonymous,likeallthoseswallowedbythisgiganticprison?Hadmydaughterbeenabletostaywithhermother,orhadtheyalreadybeenseparated?Whathadhappenedtomyagedparents,whoselastyearsIhadtriedtomakemorepleasant?Whathadbecomeofmybelovedyoungersister,

whomIhadraisedpracticallyasmyownchildafterourfatherhadfallenill?Ithadbeensuchapleasuretoloveandhelpthem.Ihadnodoubtabouttheirfate.Theywerecertainlyenroutetooneoftheforty-cartrainsthatwouldbringthemheretotheJewishrampoftheAuschwitzexterminationcamp.WithonemechanicalwaveofhishandDr.Mengelewoulddirectmyparentsintothe

left-handcolumn.Andmysisterwouldalsojointhatcolumn,forevenifshewereorderedintotheright-handcolumn,shewouldsurelybeg,onbendedknee,forpermissiontogowithourmother.Sotheywouldlethergo,andshe,withtearsinhereyes,wouldshowerthemwiththanks.Thenewsofmyarrivalhad

spreadlikewildfirethroughoutthecrematorium.

BoththeSSpersonnelassignedhereandtheSonderkommandocametocallonme.ThedoorwasfirstopenedbyanSSnoncom.Twoextremelytall,militantlookingSchaarfuhrerentered.IknewthattheattitudeIthenassumedwoulddeterminetheirconducttowardsmeinthefuture.IrecalledDr.Mengele'sorder:Iwasresponsibleonlytohim.ConsequentlyIconsidered

thisvisitmerelyasaprivateactofcourtesy,andremainedseatedinsteadofrisingandstandingatattention.Igreetedthemandaskedthemtositdown.Theystoppedinthemiddle

oftheroomandlookedmeover.Ifeltthefullimportanceofthismoment:itwasthefirstimpressionthatcounted.Itseemedtomethatmymannerwasthebestonetohaveadopted,fortheirrigid

facemusclesrelaxedslightlyand,withagestureofcarelessindifference,theysatdown.Thescopeofour

conversationwasextremelylimited.Howwasmytrip?WhatwasIdoingintheKZ?Thesewerequestionstheycouldnotask,fortheanswerswouldembarrassthem.Whereaspolitics,thewar,andconditionsintheKZweresubjectsIcouldnotbroach.Still,thisdidnot

botherme,fortheyearsIhadspentinprewarGermanyfurnishedplentyofmaterialfordiscussion.TheyweremuchimpressedbythefactthatIspoketheirownlanguagebetter,oratleastinamoreculturedmanner,thantheydid.Isoonrealizedthattherewereevencertainexpressionstheydidnotunderstand,althoughtheycarefullyrefrainedfromlettingmeknowit.Iknew

theircountrywell,wasfullyinformedaboutlifeintheircitiesandtheirhomes,andabouttheirreligiousandmoralconcepts.Soconversationwasnotoverlydifficultforme.Ihadafeelingthatthisexaminationhadalsobeenasuccess,fortheyleftsmiling.Morevisitorsarrived,men

incivilianclothes,cleanshavenandsmartlydressed.TheKapo-in-

chief3andtwoofhismenenteredmyroom.Thistoowasacourtesycall.Ilearnedthattheyweretheoneswhohadhadmyroomprepared.Theyhadheardofmyarrivalandinvitedmetodinewiththemandmeettheotherprisoners.Asamatteroffactitwas

almostdinnertime.Ifollowedthemupthestairstothesecondstoryofthe

crematoriumwheretheprisonerslived:anenormousroom,withcomfortablebunksliningbothwalls.Thebunksweremadeofunpaintedwood,butoneachonesilkcoverletsandembroideredpillowsshone.Thiscolorful,expensivebeddingwascompletelyoutofkeepingwiththeatmosphereoftheplace.Ithadnotbeenmadehere,butleftbymembersofearlier

convoyswhohadbroughtitwiththemintocaptivity.TheSonderkommandowasallowedtodrawitfromthestoreroomsanduseit.Thewholeroomwas

bathedinadazzlinglight,forheretheydidnoteconomizeonelectricityastheydidinthebarracks.Ourwayledbetweenthelongrowofbunks.Onlyhalfthekommandowaspresent;theotherhalf,aboutahundred

men,wasonthenightshift.Someofthoseherewerealreadyinbedasleep,whileotherswerereading.Therewereplentyofbookstobehad,forweJewsareapeoplewholiketoread.Eachprisonerhadbroughtsomebookswithhim,thenumberandtypedependinguponhislevelofintelligenceandeducation.Tohavebooksandbeabletoreadwasyetanotherprivilegegrantedto

theSonderkommando.IntheKZanyonecaughtreadingwaspunishedwithtwentydays'solitaryconfinement,inasortofsentryboxjustlargeenoughtostandupin.Unless,ofcourse,theblowsdealthimbeforehandhadalreadykilledhim.Thetableawakinguswas

coveredwithaheavysilkbrocadetablecloth;fineinitialledporcelaindishes;andplacesettingsofsilver:

moreobjectsthathadoncebelongedtothedeportees.Thetablewaspiledhighwithchoiceandvarieddishes,everythingadeportedpeoplecouldcarrywiththemintotheuncertainfuture:allsortsofpreserves,bacon,jellies,severalkindsofsalami,cakesandchocolate.FromthelabelsInoticedthatsomeofthefoodhadbelongedtoHungariandeportees.Allperishablefoods

automaticallybecamethepropertyofthelegalheirs,ofthosewhowerestillalive,thatis,theSonderkommando.Seatedaroundthetable

weretheKapo-in-chief,theengineer,theheadchauffeur,thekommandoleader,the"toothpullers"andtheheadofthegoldsmelters.Theirwelcomewasmostcordial.Theyofferedmealltheyhad,andtherewasanabundanceofeverything,forthe

Hungarianconvoyscontinuedtoarriveatanever-increasingrateandtheybroughtagreatdealoffoodwiththem.Ifounditdifficultto

swallow,however.Icouldnothelpthinkingofmyfellow-suffererswho,beforestartingontheirexodus,hadgatheredandpreparedtheirprovisions.Theyhadbeenhungry,buthadrefrainedfromeatingduringtheentiretripinordertosavetheir

meagerrationsfortheirparents,theirchildrenandthemoredifficulttimesahead.Onlythemoredifficulttimeshadnevercome:inthelobbyofthecrematoriumthefoodhadremaineduntouched.Idranksometeaspiked

withrum.AfterafewglassesImanagedtorelax.Mymindclearedandfreeditselfoftheunpleasantthoughtsthathadbeenplaguingit.Apleasantwarmthpenetratedme:the

voluptuouseffectsofthealcohol,comfortingasthecaressofamother'shand.Thecigaretteswewere

smokinghadalsobeen"ImportedfromHungary."Inthecampproperasinglecigarettewaswortharationofbread:hereonthetablelayhundredsofpackages.Ourconversationgrew

moreandmorespirited.Poland,France,Greece,GermanyandItalywere

representedaroundthetable.SincemostofusunderstoodGermanitservedasourcommonlanguage.FromtheconversationIlearnedthehistoryofthecrematoriums.Tensofthousandsofprisonershadbuiltthemofstoneandconcrete,finishingtheminthemiddleofanextremelyrigorouswinter.Everystonewasstainedwiththeirblood.Theyhadworkeddayandnight,oftenwithout

foodordrink,dressedinmeretatters,sothattheseinfernaldeath-factories,whosefirstvictimstheybecame,mightbefinishedintime.Sincethenfouryearshad

passed.Countlessthousandshadsinceclimbeddownfromtheboxcarsandcrossedthethresholdsofthecrematoriums.ThepresentSonderkommandowasthetwelfthtobearthename.Ilearnedthehistoryofeach

precedingSonderkommando,whenit"reigned"andwhoitsheroeswere,andIwasremindedofafactIalreadyknew:thattheSonderkommando'slifespanwasonlyafewmonthsatthemost.Whoeveramongthem

practicedtheJewishfaithcouldthusbegin,onthedayofhisarrival,thepurificationceremonyinpreparationfordeath.Fordeathwouldcome

tohimassurelyasithadcometoeverymemberofalltheprecedingSonderkommandos.Itwasalmostmidnight.

Thecompanyassembledaroundthetablewaswearyfromtheday'sworkandtheevening'sconsumptionofalcohol.Ourconversationgrewmoreandmorelistless.AnSSmakinghisroundsstoppedtoremindusthatitwashightimewewerein

bed.Itookleaveofmynewcompanionsandreturnedtomyroom.ThankstotherumIhaddrunkandmytirednerves,Ispentarelativelyquietfirstnight.

VIIThestridentwhistleofa

trainwasheardcomingfromthedirectionoftheunloadingplatform.Itwasstillveryearly.Iapproachedmywindow,fromwhichIhadadirectviewontothetracks,andsawaverylongtrain.Afewsecondslaterthedoorsslidopenandtheboxcarsspilledoutthousandsuponthousandsofthechosen

peopleofIsrael.Lineupandselectiontookscarcelyhalfanhour.Theleft-handcolumnmovedslowlyaway.Ordersrangout,andthe

soundofrapidfootstepsreachedmyroom.Thesoundscamefromthefurnaceroomsofthecrematorium:theywerepreparingtowelcomethenewconvoy.Thethrobofmotorsbegan.Theyhadjustsettheenormousventilatorsgoingtofantheflames,in

ordertoobtainthedesireddegreeintheovens.Fifteenventilatorsweregoingsimultaneously,onebesideeachoven.Theincinerationroomwasabout500feetlong:itwasabright,whitewashedroomwithaconcretefloorandbarredwindows.Eachofthesefifteenovenswashousedinaredbrickstructure.Immenseirondoors,well-polishedandgleaming,ominouslylined

thelengthofthewall.Infiveorsixminutestheconvoyreachedthegate,whoseswing-doorsopenedinwards.Fiveabreast,thegroupenteredthecourtyard;itwasthemomentaboutwhichtheoutsideworldknewnothing,foranyonewhomighthaveknownsomethingaboutit,afterhavingtraveledthepathofhisdestiny—the300yardsseparatingthatspotfromtheramp—hadnever

returnedtotellthetale.Itwasoneofthecrematoriumswhichawaitedthosewhohadbeenselectedfortheleft-handcolumn.Andnot,astheGermanliehadmadetheright-handcolumnsupposeinordertoallaytheiranxiety,acampforthesickandchildren,wheretheinfirmcaredforthelittleones.Theyadvancedwithslow,

wearysteps.Thechildren'seyeswereheavywithsleep

andtheyclungtotheirmothers'clothes.Forthemostpartthebabieswerecarriedintheirfathers'arms,orelsewheeledintheircarriages.TheSSguardsremainedbeforethecrematoriumdoors,whereaposterannounced:"EntranceisStrictlyForbiddentoAllWhoHaveNoBusinessHere,IncludingSS."Thedeporteeswerequick

tonoticethewaterfaucets,

usedforsprinklingthegrass,thatwerearrangedaboutthecourtyard.Theybegantotakepotsandpansfromtheirluggage,andbrokeranks,pushingandshovinginanefforttogetnearthefaucetsandfilltheircontainers.Thattheywereimpatientwasnotastonishing:forthepastfivedaystheyhadhadnothingtodrink.Ifevertheyhadfoundalittlewater,ithadbeenstagnantandhadnot

quenchedtheirthirst.TheSSguardswhoreceivedtheconvoyswereusedtothescene.Theywaitedpatientlytilleachhadquenchedhisthirstandfilledhiscontainer.Inanycase,theguardsknewthataslongastheyhadnotdrunktherewouldbenogettingthembackintoline.Slowlytheybegantore-formtheirranks.Thentheyadvancedforabout100yardsalongacinderpathedged

withgreengrasstoanironramp,fromwhich10or12concretestepsledundergroundtoanenormousroomdominatedbyalargesigninGerman,French,GreekandHungarian:"BathsandDisinfectingRoom."Thesignwasreassuring,andallayedthemisgivingsorfearsofeventhemostsuspiciousamongthem.Theywentdownthestairsalmostgaily.

Theroomintowhichtheconvoyproceededwasabout200yardslong:itswallswerewhitewashedanditwasbrightlylit.Inthemiddleoftheroom,rowsofcolumns.Aroundthecolumns,aswellasalongthewalls,benches.Abovethebenches,numberedcoathangers.Numeroussignsinseverallanguagesdreweveryone'sattentiontothenecessityoftyinghisclothesandshoes

together.Especiallythathenotforgetthenumberofhiscoathanger,inordertoavoidalluselessconfusionuponhisreturnfromthebath."That'sreallyaGerman

order,"commentedthosewhohadlongbeeninclinedtoadmiretheGermans.Theywereright.Asa

matteroffact,itwasforthesakeoforderthatthesemeasureshadbeentaken,sothatthethousandsofpairsof

goodshoessorelyneededbytheThirdReichwouldnotgetmixedup.Thesamefortheclothes,sothatthepopulationofbombedcitiescouldeasilymakeuseofthem.Therewere3,000peoplein

theroom:men,womenandchildren.Someofthesoldiersarrivedandannouncedthateveryonemustbecompletelyundressedwithintenminutes.Theaged,grandfathersandgrandmothers;thechildren;

wivesandhusbands;allwerestruckdumbwithsurprise.Modestwomenandgirlslookedateachotherquestioningly.PerhapstheyhadnotexactlyunderstoodtheGermanwords.Theydidnothavelongtothinkaboutit,however,fortheorderresoundedagain,thistimeinalouder,moremenacingtone.Theywereuneasy;theirdignityrebelled;but,withtheresignationpeculiartotheir

race,havinglearnedthatanythingwentasfarastheywereconcerned,theyslowlybegantoundress.Theaged,theparalyzed,themadwerehelpedbyaSonderkommandosquadsentforthatpurpose.Intenminutesallwerecompletelynaked,theirclotheshungonthepegs,theirshoesattachedtogetherbythelaces.Asforthenumberofeachclotheshanger,ithadbeencarefully

noted.Makinghiswaythrough

thecrowd,anSSopenedtheswing-doorsofthelargeoakengateattheendoftheroom.Thecrowdflowedthroughitintoanother,equallywell-lightedroom.Thissecondroomwasthesamesizeasthefirst,butneitherbenchesnorpegsweretobeseen.Inthecenteroftherooms,atthirty-yardintervals,columnsrosefrom

theconcretefloortotheceiling.Theywerenotsupportingcolumns,butsquaresheet-ironpipes,thesidesofwhichcontainednumerousperforations,likeawirelattice.Everyonewasinside.A

hoarsecommandrangout:"SSandSonderkommandoleavetheroom."Theyobeyedandcountedoff.Thedoorsswungshutandfromwithoutthelightswereswitchedoff.

Atthatveryinstantthesoundofacarwasheard:adeluxemodel,furnishedbytheInternationalRedCross.AnSSofficerandaSDG(Sanitatsdienstgefreiter:DeputyHealthServiceOfficer)steppedoutofthecar.TheDeputyHealthOfficerheldfourgreensheet-ironcanisters.Headvancedacrossthegrass,where,everythirtyyards,shortconcretepipesjuttedupfromthe

ground.Havingdonnedhisgasmask,heliftedthelidofthepipe,whichwasalsomadeofconcrete.Heopenedoneofthecansandpouredthecontents—amauvegranulatedmaterial—intotheopening.Thegranulatedsubstancefellinalumptothebottom.Thegasitproducedescapedthroughtheperforations,andwithinafewsecondsfilledtheroominwhichthedeporteeswere

stacked.Withinfiveminuteseverybodywasdead.Foreveryconvoyitwasthe

samestory.RedCrosscarsbroughtthegasfromtheoutside.Therewasneverastockofitinthecrematorium.Theprecautionwasscandalous,butstillmorescandalouswasthefactthatthegaswasbroughtinacarbearingtheinsigniaoftheInternationalRedCross.Inordertobecertainof

theirbusinessthetwogas-butcherswaitedanotherfiveminutes.Thentheylightedcigarettesanddroveoffintheircar.Theyhadjustkilled3,000innocents.Twentyminuteslaterthe

electricventilatorsweresetgoinginordertoevacuatethegas.Thedoorsopened,thetrucksarrived,andaSonderkommandosquadloadedtheclothingandtheshoesseparately.Theywere

goingtodisinfectthem.Thistimeitwasacaseofrealdisinfection.Latertheywouldtransportthembyrailtovariouspartsofthecountry.Theventilators,patented

"Exhator"system,quicklyevacuatedthegasfromtheroom,butinthecranniesbetweenthedeadandthecracksofthedoorssmallpocketsofitalwaysremained.Eventwohourslateritcausedasuffocating

cough.ForthatreasontheSonderkommandogroupwhichfirstmovedintotheroomwasequippedwithgasmasks.Onceagaintheroomwaspowerfullylighted,revealingahorriblespectacle.Thebodieswerenotlying

hereandtherethroughouttheroom,butpiledinamasstotheceiling.Thereasonforthiswasthatthegasfirstinundatedthelowerlayersofairandrosebutslowly

towardstheceiling.Thisforcedthevictimstotrampleoneanotherinafranticefforttoescapethegas.Yetafewfeethigherupthegasreachedthem.Whatastruggleforlifetheremusthavebeen!Neverthelessitwasmerelyamatteroftwoorthreeminutes'respite.Iftheyhadbeenabletothinkaboutwhattheyweredoing,theywouldhaverealizedtheyweretramplingtheirownchildren,

theirwives,theirrelatives.Buttheycouldn'tthink.Theirgestureswerenomorethanthereflexesoftheinstinctofself-preservation.Inoticedthatthebodiesofthewomen,thechildren,andtheagedwereatthebottomofthepile;atthetop,thestrongest.Theirbodies,whichwerecoveredwithscratchesandbruisesfromthestrugglewhichhadsetthemagainsteachother,wereofteninterlaced.Blood

oozedfromtheirnosesandmouths;theirfaces,bloatedandblue,weresodeformedastobealmostunrecognizable.NeverthelesssomeoftheSonderkommandooftendidrecognizetheirkin.Theencounterwasnoteasy,andIdreadeditformyself.Ihadnoreasontobehere,andyetIhadcomedownamongthedead.Ifeltitmydutytomypeopleandtotheentireworld

tobeabletogiveanaccurateaccountofwhatIhadseenifever,bysomemiraculouswhimoffate,Ishouldescape.TheSonderkommando

squad,outfittedwithlargerubberboots,lineduparoundthehillofbodiesandfloodeditwithpowerfuljetsofwater.Thiswasnecessarybecausethefinalactofthosewhodiebydrowningorbygasisaninvoluntarydefecation.Eachbodywasbefouled,andhad

tobewashed.Oncethe"bathing"ofthedeadwasfinished—ajobtheSonderkommandocarriedoutbyavoluntaryactofimpersonalizationandinastateofprofounddistress—theseparationofthewelterofbodiesbegan.Itwasadifficultjob.Theyknottedthongsaroundthewrists,whichwereclenchedinavise-likegrip,andwiththesethongstheydraggedthe

slipperybodiestotheelevatorsinthenextroom.Fourgood-sizedelevatorswerefunctioning.Theyloadedtwentytotwenty-fivecorpsestoanelevator.Theringofabellwasthesignalthattheloadwasreadytoascend.Theelevatorstoppedatthecrematorium'sincinerationroom,wherelargeslidingdoorsopenedautomatically.Thekommandowhooperatedthe

trailerswasreadyandwaiting.Againstrapswerefixedtothewristsofthedead,andtheyweredraggedontospeciallyconstructedchuteswhichunloadedtheminfrontofthefurnaces.Thebodieslayinclose

ranks:theold,theyoung,thechildren.Bloodoozedfromtheirnosesandmouths,aswellasfromtheirskin—abradedbytherubbing—andmixedwiththewater

runninginthegutterssetintheconcretefloor.Thenanewphaseofthe

exploitationandutilizationofJewishbodiestookplace.TheThirdReichhadalreadytakentheirclothesandshoes.Hairwasalsoapreciousmaterial,duetothefactthatitexpandsandcontractsuniformly,nomatterwhatthehumidityoftheair.Humanhairwasoftenusedindelayedactionbombs,where

itsparticularqualitiesmadeithighlyusefulfordetonatingpurposes.Sotheyshavedthedead.Butthatwasnotall.

AccordingtothesloganstheGermansparadedandshoutedtoeveryoneathomeandabroad,theThirdReichwasnotbasedonthe"goldstandard,"butonthe"workstandard."Maybetheymeanttheyhadtoworkhardertogettheirgoldthanmostcountries

did.Atanyrate,thedeadwerenextsenttothe"tooth-pulling"kommando,whichwasstationedinfrontoftheovens.Consistingofeightmen,thiskommandoequippeditsmemberswithtwotools,or,ifyoulike,twoinstruments.Inonehandalever,andintheotherapairofpliersforextractingtheteeth.Thedeadlayontheirbacks;thekommandopriedopenthecontractedjawwith

hislever;then,withhispliers,heextracted,orbrokeoff,allgoldteeth,aswellasanygoldbridgeworkandfillings.Allmembersofthekommandowerefinestomatologistsanddentalsurgeons.WhenDr.Mengelehadcalledforcandidatescapableofperformingthedelicateworkofstomatologyanddentalsurgery,theyhadvolunteeredingoodfaith,firmlybelievingtheywouldbeallowedto

exercisetheirprofessioninthecamp.ExactlyasIhaddone.Thegoldteethwere

collectedinbucketsfilledwithanacidwhichburnedoffallpiecesofboneandflesh.Othervaluableswornbythedead,suchasnecklaces,pearls,weddingbandsandrings,weretakenanddroppedthroughaslotinthelidofastrongbox.Goldisaheavymetal,andIwouldjudgethat

from18to20poundsofitwerecollecteddailyineachcrematorium.Itvaried,tobesure,fromoneconvoytothenext,forsomeconvoyswerecomparativelywealthy,whileothers,fromruraldistricts,werenaturallypoorer.TheHungarianconvoys

arrivedalreadystripped.ButtheDutch,Czech,andPolishconvoys,evenafterseveralyearsintheghettos,hadmanagedtokeepandbring

theirjewelry,theirgoldandtheirdollarswiththem.InthiswaytheGermansamassedconsiderabletreasures.Whenthelastgoldtooth

hadbeenremoved,thebodieswenttotheincinerationkommando.Theretheywerelaidbythreesonakindofpushcartmadeofsheetmetal.Theheavydoorsoftheovensopenedautomatically;thepushcartmovedintoa

furnaceheatedtoincandescence.Thebodieswerecremated

intwentyminutes.Eachcrematoriumworkedwithfifteenovens,andtherewerefourcrematoriums.Thismeantthatseveralthousandpeoplecouldbecrematedinasingleday.Thusforweeksandmonths—evenyears—severalthousandpeoplepassedeachdaythroughthegaschambersandfromthere

totheincinerationovens.Nothingbutapileofashesremainedinthecrematoryovens.TruckstooktheashestotheVistula,amileaway,anddumpedthemintotheragingwatersoftheriver.Aftersomuchsuffering

andhorrortherewasstillnopeace,evenforthedead.

VIIIThelaboratoryof

pathologywassetupattheinstigationofmysuperior,Dr.Mengele,andwasdestinedtosatisfyhisambitionsintheareaofmedicalresearch.Ithadbeencompletedonlyafewdaysbefore.Allthatwasneededforittostartfunctioningwasadoctorcapableoftakingcharge.

TheconfinesoftheKZofferedvastpossibilitiesforresearch,firstinthefieldofforensicmedicine,becauseofthehighsuiciderate,andalsointhefieldofpathology,becauseoftherelativelyhighpercentageofdwarfs,giantsandotherabnormaltypesofhumanbeings.Theabundance—unequaledelsewhereintheworld—ofcorpses,andthefactthatonecoulddisposeofthemfreely

forpurposesofresearch,openedevenwiderhorizons.Iknewfromexperience

that,whereastheclinicsinmostmajorcitiesoftheworldmanagedtofurnishtheirinstitutesofforensicmedicinewithfrom100to150bodiesforpurposesofresearch,theAuschwitzKZwascapableoffurnishingliterallymillions.AnypersonwhohadenteredthegatesoftheKZwasacandidatefordeath.He

whosedestinyhaddirectedhimintotheleft-handcolumnwastransformedbythegaschambersintoacorpsewithinanhourafterhisarrival.Lessfortunatewashewhomadversityhadsingledoutfortheright-handcolumn.Hewasstillacandidatefordeath,butwiththisdifference,thatforthreeorfourmonths,oraslongashecouldendure,hehadtosubmittoallthehorrorsthe

KZhadtooffer,tillhedroppedfromutterexhaustion.Hebledfromathousandwounds.Hisbellywascontortedwithhunger,hiseyeswerehaggard,andhemoanedlikeonedemented.Hedraggedhisbodyacrossthefieldsofsnowtillhecouldgonofarther.Traineddogssnappedathiswretched,fleshlessframe,andwheneventheliceforsookhisdesiccatedbody,thenthe

hourofdeliverance,thehourofredeemingdeathwascloseathand.Whothen—ofourparents,brothers,children—wasmorefortunate,hewhowenttotheleftorhewhowenttotheright?Whentheconvoysarrived,

soldiersscoutedtherankslinedupbeforetheboxcars,huntingfortwinsanddwarfs.Mothers,hopingforspecialtreatmentfortheirtwinchildren,readilygavethem

uptothescouts.Adulttwins,knowingthattheywereofinterestfromascientificpointofview,voluntarilypresentedthemselves,inthehopeofbettertreatment.Thesamefordwarfs.Theywereseparatedfrom

therestandherdedtotheright.Theywereallowedtokeeptheircivilianclothes;guardsaccompaniedthemtospeciallydesignedbarracks,wheretheyweretreatedwith

acertainregard.Theirfoodwasgood,theirbunkswerecomfortable,andpossibilitiesforhygienewereprovided.Theywerehousedin

Barracks14ofCampF.FromtheretheyweretakenbytheirguardstotheexperimentationbarracksoftheGypsyCamp,andexposedtoeverymedicalexaminationthatcanbeperformedonhumanbeings:bloodtests,lumbarpunctures,exchangesofbloodbetween

twinbrothers,aswellasnumerousotherexaminations,allfatiguinganddepressing.Dina,thepainterfromPrague,madethecomparativestudiesofthestructureofthetwins'skulls,ears,noses,mouths,handsandfeet.Eachdrawingwasclassifiedinafilesetupforthatexpresspurpose,completewithallindividualcharacteristics;intothisfilewouldalsogothefinalresults

ofthisresearch.Theprocedurewasthesameforthedwarfs.Theexperiments,in

medicallanguagecalledinvivo,i.e.,experimentsperformedonlivehumanbeings,werefarfromexhaustingtheresearchpossibilitiesinthestudyoftwins.Fulloflacunae,theyofferednobetterthanpartialresults.Theinvivoexperimentsweresucceeded

bythemostimportantphaseoftwin-study:thecomparativeexaminationfromtheviewpointsofanatomyandpathology.Hereitwasaquestionofcomparingthetwins'healthyorganswiththosefunctioningabnormally,orofcomparingtheirillnesses.Forthatstudy,asforallstudiesofapathologicalnature,corpseswereneeded.Sinceitwasnecessarytoperforma

dissectionforthesimultaneousevaluationofanomalies,thetwinshadtodieatthesametime.SoitwasthattheymettheirdeathintheBsectionofoneofAuschwitz'sKZbarracks,atthehandofDr.Mengele.Thisphenomenonwas

uniqueinworldmedicalsciencehistory.Twinbrothersdiedtogether,anditwaspossibletoperformautopsiesonboth.Where,

undernormalcircumstances,canonefindtwinbrotherswhodieatthesameplaceandatthesametime?Fortwins,likeeveryoneelse,areseparatedbylife'svaryingcircumstances.Theylivefarfromeachotherandalmostneverdiesimultaneously.Onemaydieattheageoften,theotheratfifty.Undersuchconditionscomparativedissectionisimpossible.IntheAuschwitzcamp,

however,therewereseveralhundredsetsoftwins,andthereforeasmanypossibilitiesofdissection.Thatwaswhy,onthearrivalplatform,Dr.Mengeleseparatedtwinsanddwarfsfromtheotherprisoners.Thatwaswhybothspecialgroupsweredirectedtotheright-handcolumn,andthencetothebarracksofthespared.Thatwaswhytheyhadgoodfoodandhygienicliving

conditions,sothattheydidn'tcontaminateeachotheranddieonebeforetheother.Theyhadtodietogether,andingoodhealth.TheSonderkommando

chiefcamehuntingformeandannouncedthatanSSsoldierwaswaitingformeatthedoorofthecrematoriumwithacrewofcorpse-transportingkommandos.Iwentinsearchofthem,fortheywereforbiddentoenter

thecourtyard.ItookthedocumentsconcerningthecorpsesfromthehandsoftheSS.Theycontainedfilesontwolittletwinbrothers.Thekommandocrew,madeupentirelyofwomen,setthecoveredcoffindowninfrontofme.Iliftedthelid.Insidelayasetoftwo-year-oldtwins.Iorderedtwoofmymentotakethecorpsesandplacethemonthedissectingtable.

Iopenedthefileandglancedthroughit.Verydetailedclinicalexaminations,accompaniedbyX-rays,descriptions,andartists'drawings,indicatedfromthescientificviewpointthedifferentaspectsofthesetwolittlebeings'"twinhood."Onlythepathologicalreportwasmissing.Itwasmyjobtosupplyit.Thetwinshaddiedatthesametimeandwerenowlyingbesideeachother

onthebigdissectingtable.Itwastheywhohadto—orwhosetinybodieshadto—resolvethesecretofthereproductionoftherace.Toadvanceonestepinthesearchtounlockthesecretofmultiplyingtheraceofsuperiorbeingsdestinedtorulewasa"noblegoal."Ifonlyitwerepossible,inthefuture,tohaveeachGermanmotherbearasmanytwinsaspossible!Theproject,

conceivedbythedementedtheoristsoftheThirdReich,wasutterlymad.AnditwastoDr.Mengele,chiefphysicianoftheAuschwitzKZ,thenotorious"criminaldoctor,"thattheseexperimentshadbeenentrusted.Amongmalefactorsand

criminals,themostdangeroustypeisthe"criminaldoctor,"especiallywhenheisarmedwithpowerssuchasthose

grantedtoDr.Mengele.Hesentmillionsofpeopletodeathmerelybecause,accordingtoaracialtheory,theywereinferiorbeingsandthereforedetrimentaltomankind.Thissamecriminaldoctorspentlonghoursbesideme,eitherathismicroscopes,hisdisinfectingovensandhistesttubesor,standingwithequalpatiencenearthedissectingtable,hissmockbefouledwithblood,

hisbloodyhandsexaminingandexperimentinglikeonepossessed.TheimmediateobjectivewastheincreasedreproductionoftheGermanrace.ThefinalobjectivewastheproductionofpureGermansinnumberssufficienttoreplacetheCzechs,Hungarians,Poles,allofwhomwerecondemnedtobedestroyed,butwhoforthemomentwerelivingonthoseterritoriesdeclaredvital

totheThirdReich.Ifinishedthedissectionof

thelittletwinsandwroteoutaregulationreportofthedissection.Ididmyjobwellandmychiefappearedtobesatisfiedwithme.Buthehadsometroublereadingmyhandwriting,forallmyletterswerecapitals,ahabitIhadpickedupinAmerica.4AndsoItoldhimthatifhewantedclearcleancopy,hewould

havetosupplymewithatypewriter,sinceIwasaccustomedtoworkwithoneinmyownpractice."Whatmaketypewriterare

youusedto?"heasked."OlympiaElite,"Isaid."Verywell,I'llsendyou

one.You'llhaveittomorrow.Iwantcleancopy,becausethesereportswillbeforwardedtotheInstituteofBiological,RacialandEvolutionaryResearchat

Berlin-Dahlem"ThusIlearnedthatthe

experimentsperformedherewerecheckedbythehighestmedicalauthoritiesatoneofthemostfamousscientificinstitutesintheworld.ThefollowingdayanSS

soldierbroughtmean"Olympia"typewriter.Stillmorecorpsesoftwinsweresenttome.TheydeliveredmefourpairsfromtheGypsyCamp;allfourwereunderten

yearsold.Ibeganthedissectionof

onesetoftwinsandrecordedeachphaseofmywork.Iremovedthebrainpan.TogetherwiththecerebellumIextractedthebrainandexaminedthem.Thenfollowedtheopeningofthethoraxandtheremovalofthesternum.NextIseparatedthetonguebymeansofanincisionmadebeneaththechin.Withthetonguecame

theesophagus,withtherespiratorytractscamebothlungs.Iwashedtheorgansinordertoexaminethemmorethoroughly.Thetiniestspotorthe

slightestdifferenceincolorcouldfurnishvaluableinformation.Imadeatransverseincisionacrossthepericardiumandremovedthefluid.NextItookouttheheartandwashedit.Iturneditoverandoverinmyhandto

examineit.Intheexteriorcoatofthe

leftventriclewasasmallpaleredspotcausedbyahypodermicinjection,whichscarcelydifferedfromthecolorofthetissuearoundit.Therecouldbenomistake.Theinjectionhadbeengivenwithaverysmallneedle.Withoutadoubtahypodermicneedle.Forwhatpurposehadhereceivedtheinjection?Injectionsintothe

heartcanbeadministeredinextremelyseriouscases,whentheheartbeginstofail.Iwouldsoonknow.Iopenedtheheart,startingwiththeventricle.Normallythebloodcontainedintheleftventricleistakenoutandweighed.Thismethodcouldnotbeemployedinthepresentcase,becausethebloodwascoagulatedintoacompactmass.Iextractedthecoagulumwiththeforceps

andbroughtittomynose.Iwasstruckbythecharacteristicodorofchloroform.Thevictimhadreceivedaninjectionofchloroformintheheart,sothatthebloodoftheventricle,incoagulating,woulddepositonthevalvesandcauseinstantaneousdeathbyheartfailure.Mydiscoveryofthemost

monstroussecretoftheThirdReich'smedicalsciencemade

mykneestremble.Notonlydidtheykillwithgas,butalsowithinjectionsofchloroformintotheheart.Acoldsweatbrokeoutonmyforehead.LuckilyIwasalone.Ifothershadbeenpresentitwouldhavebeendifficultformetoconcealmyexcitement.Ifinishedthedissection,notedthedifferencesfound,andrecordedthem.Butthechloroform,thebloodcoagulatedintheleft

ventricle,thepuncturevisibleintheexternalcoatoftheheart,didnotfigureamongmyfindings.Itwasausefulprecautiononmypart.Dr.Mengele'srecordsonthesubjectoftwinswereinmyhands.Theycontainedtheexactexaminations,X-rays,theartist'ssketchesalreadymentioned,butneitherthecircumstancesnorcausesofdeath.NordidIfilloutthatcolumnofthedissection

report.Itwasnotagoodideatoexceedtheauthorizedboundsofknowledgeortorelateallonehadwitnessed.Andherestilllessthananywhereelse.Iwasnottimorousbynatureandmynervesweregood.DuringmymedicalpracticeIhadoftenbroughttolightthecausesofdeath.Ihadseenthebodiesofpeopleassassinatedformotivesofrevenge,jealousy,ormaterialgain,aswellas

thoseofsuicidesandnaturaldeaths.Iwasusedtothestudyofwell-hiddencausesofdeath.OnseveraloccasionsIhadbeenshockedbymydiscoveries,butnowashudderoffearranthroughme.IfDr.MengelehadanyideathatIhaddiscoveredthesecretofhisinjectionshewouldsendtendoctors,inthenameofthepoliticalSS,toattesttomydeath.Inaccordancewithorders

receivedIreturnedthecorpsestotheprisonerswhosedutyitwastoburnthem.Theyperformedtheirjobwithoutdelay.Ihadtokeepanyorgansofpossiblescientificinterest,sothatDr.Mengelecouldexaminethem.ThosewhichmightinteresttheAnthropologicalInstituteatBerlin-Dahlemwerepreservedinalcohol.Thesepartswerespeciallypackedtobesentthroughthe

mails.Stamped"WarMaterial—Urgent,"theyweregiventoppriorityintransit.InthecourseofmyworkatthecrematoriumIdispatchedanimpressivenumberofsuchpackages.Ireceived,inreply,eitherprecisescientificobservationsorinstructions.InordertoclassifythiscorrespondenceIhadtosetupspecialfiles.ThedirectorsoftheBerlin-DahlemInstitutealways

warmlythankedDr.Mengeleforthisrareandpreciousmaterial.Ifinisheddissectingthe

threeotherpairsoftwinsanddulyrecordedtheanomaliesfound.Inallthreeinstancesthecauseofdeathwasthesame:aninjectionofchloroformintotheheart.Ofthefoursetsoftwins,

threehadocularglobesofdifferentcolors.Oneeyewasbrown,theotherblue.Thisis

aphenomenonfoundfairlyfrequentlyinnon-twins.ButinthepresentcaseInoticedthatithadoccurredinsixoutoftheeighttwins.Anextremelyinterestingcollectionofanomalies.Medicalsciencecallsthemheterochromes,whichmeans,merely,different-colored.Icutouttheeyesandputtheminasolutionofformaldehyde,notingtheircharacteristicsexactlyinordernottomix

themup.Duringmyexaminationofthefoursetsoftwins,Idiscoveredstillanothercuriousphenomenon:whileremovingtheskinfromtheneckInoticed,justabovetheupperextremityofthesternum,atumoraboutthesizeofasmallnut.PressingonitwithmyforcepsIfoundittobefilledwithathickpus.Thisraremanifestation,wellknowntomedicalscience,indicatesthepresenceof

hereditarysyphilisandiscalledDuBois'tumor.Lookingfarther,Ifoundthatitexistedinalleighttwins.Icutoutthetumor,leavingitsurroundedbyhealthytissue,andplaceditinanotherjarofformaldehyde.IntwosetsoftwinsIalsodiscoveredevidenceofactive,cavernoustuberculosis.Irecordedmyfindingsonthedissectionreport,butlefttheheading"CauseofDeath"blank.

DuringtheafternoonDr.Mengelepaidmeavisit.Igavehimadetailedaccountofmymorning'sworkandhandedhimmyreport.Hesatdownandbegantoreadeachcasecarefully.Hewasgreatlyinterestedbytheheterochromaticconditionoftheeyes,butevenmoresobythediscoveryofDuBois'tumor.Hegavemeinstructionstohavetheorgansmailedandtoldmeto

includemyreportinthepackage.Healsoinstructedmetofilloutthe"CauseofDeath"columnhithertoleftblank.Thechoiceofcauseswaslefttomyownjudgmentanddiscretion;theonlystipulationwasthateachcausebedifferent.Almostapologeticallyheremarkedthat,asIcouldseeformyself,thesechildrenweresyphiliticandtubercular,andconsequentlywouldnothave

livedinanycase...Hesaidnomoreaboutit.Withthathehadsaidenough.Hehadexplainedthereasonforthesechildren'sdeath.Ihadrefrainedfrommakinganycomment.ButIhadlearnedthatheretuberculosisandsyphiliswerenottreatedwithmedicinesanddrugs,butwithchloroforminjections.IshudderedtothinkofallI

hadlearnedduringmyshortstayhere,andofallIshould

yethavetowitnesswithoutprotesting,untilmyownappointedhourarrived.TheminuteIenteredthisplaceIhadthefeelingIwasalreadyoneoftheliving-dead.Butnow,inpossessionofallthesefantasticsecrets,IwascertainIwouldnevergetoutalive.WasitconceivablethatDr.Mengele,ortheBerlin-DahlemInstitute,wouldeverallowmetoleavethisplacealive?

IXItwasalreadylate,and

growingdark.Dr.MengelehadleftandIwasalonewithmythoughts.MechanicallyIarrangedtheinstrumentsusedfortheautopsyand,afterwashingmyhands,wentintotheworkroomandlightedacigarette,hopingtofindaminute'speace.SuddenlyIheardascreamthatsentchillsupanddownmyspine.Then,

immediatelyafterwards,athudthatsoundedlikeafallingbody.Ilistened,mynervestaut,forwhatthefollowingminuteswouldbring.BeforeanotherminutehadpassedIheardanotherscream,aclickandthefallofabody.Icountedseventyscreams,clicks,thuds.Heavyfootstepsretreatedandallgrewquiet.Thesceneofthebloody

tragedythathadjustbeen

enactedwastheroomadjoiningthedissectingroom.Thehallleddirectlyintoit.Itwasahalf-darkenedplace,withaconcretefloorandbarredwindowsthatlookedoutontothebackcourtyard.Iuseditasastoreroomforcorpses,keepingthemtheretillitwastheirturnfordissection,thenreturningthemthereaftertheautopsytilltheyweresenttobeburned.Used,dirty

women'sclothes;batteredwoodenshoes;glasses;piecesofstalebread—thenormalrunofKZwomen'sarticles—laypiledbeforetheentrancetotheroom.AfterwhatIhadheardIwaspreparedforsomethingextraordinary.Ienteredtheroomandglancedquicklyaround.Aterrifyingscenegraduallyunfolded:beforemeweresprawledthenakedbodiesofseventywomen;

curledup,bathedintheirownbloodandinthebloodoftheirneighbors,theylayinutterdisarrayabouttheroom.Asmyeyesgrewmore

accustomedtothedimlightIdiscoveredtomyhorrorthatnotallthevictimsweredead.Somewerestillbreathing,movingtheirarmsorlegsslowly;withglazedeyes,theytriedtoraisetheirbloodyheads.Iliftedtwo,threeheadsofthosestillalive,and

suddenlyrealizedthat,besidesdeathbygasandchloroforminjections,therewasathirdwayofkillinghere:abulletinthebackoftheneck.Thewoundrevealedthatasix-millimeterbullethadbeenused:therewasnoexithole.Fromthesecursoryobservations,Iconcludedthatithadbeenasoftleadbullet,becauseonlythistypebulletwillimbeditselfintheskullstructure.UnfortunatelyI

knewsomethingofsuchmattersandwasabletosizeupthesituationquicklyinallitshorror.Therewasnothingsurprisinginthefactthatthesesmall-caliberbulletsdidnotcauseinstantaneousdeathinallcases,althoughtheywerefired—thepowderburnsontheskinprovedit—fromadistanceofonlyaninchortwo,rightintothespinalmedulla.Itappearedthatinsomeinstancesthe

bullethaddeviatedslightlyfromitspath;thusdeathhadnotalwaysbeeninstantaneous.Itooknoteofthataswell,

butmeditatednofurther;Iwasafraidofgoingmad.SteppingoutintothecourtyardIaskedamemberoftheSonderkommandowherethewomenhadcomefrom."TheyweretakenfromC

Section,"hesaid."Every

eveningatruckbringsseventyofthem.Theyallgetabulletinthebackoftheneck."Myheadspinning,struck

dumbwithhorror,Iwalkedalongthegravelpathwhichdividedthewell-keptlawnofthecrematoriumcourtyard.MygazewanderedtotheeveningmusterofSonderkommando.Thiseveningtherewasnochangeofguard.Numberone

crematoriumwasnotworkingtoday.Iglancedinthedirectionofnumberstwo,threeandfour:theirchimneyswerespewingflameandsmoke.Businessasusual.Itwastooearlyfordinner.

TheSonderkommandobroughtoutafootball.Theteamslineduponthefield."SSversusSK."Onone

sideofthefieldthecrematorium'sSSguards;ontheother,the

Sonderkommando.Theyputtheballintoplay.Sonorouslaughterfilledthecourtyard.Thespectatorsbecameexcitedandshoutedencouragementattheplayers,asifthisweretheplayingfieldofsomepeacefultown.Stupefied,Imadethatmentalnoteaswell.Withoutwaitingfortheendofthematch,Ireturnedtomyroom.AftersupperIswallowedtwosleepingtabletsoften

centigramseachandfellasleep.Abadlyneededsleep,forIfeltmynervesstretchedtothebreakingpoint.Insuchcases,sleepingtabletswerethebestremedy.

XInthemorningIawoke

withahangover.IcrossedtotheshowerwhichhadbeensetupinaneighboringroomandlettheicywatersoftheVistulasplashovermeforhalfanhour.Itrefreshedmytirednervesandchasedtheheavinesscausedbythesleepingpills.HowwelltheGermans

caredforus!Theyhadbuilta

beautifulten-manshower,madeofgleamingtile,fortheexclusiveuseoftheSonderkommandomembers.Thosewhoworkedwithcorpseshadtowashfrequently,soshowersweremandatorytwiceaday,aregulationtowhichweallgladlysubmitted.Icheckedthecontentsof

mymedicalbag.IthadbeenbroughttomefromthestoreroombyaSonderman

andhadprobablybelongedtooneofmymedicalcolleagues,whohadcheckeditwithhisclothesinthecloakroombeforeenteringthegaschamber.InitIfoundastethoscope,anapparatusfortakingbloodpressure,somegoodsyringes,anumberofotheressentialinstrumentsanddrugs,andseveralampoulesforemergencyinjections.Iwashappytohaveit,forIknewthatit

wouldcomeinhandyduringmy"visits."Here,inthe

Sonderkommando,"visits"meantmakingtheroundsofthefourcrematoriums.Ibeganwithmyown

building.FirstIstoppedattheSSlivingquarters,planningtoexamineanyonewhoshowedup,fortherewerealwaysafew.Inthecrematoriumseveryonefeignedillnessfromtimeto

timeinordertogetashortrespitefromhisexhaustingandnerve-rackinglabors.Therewerealsomoreseriouscasesuponoccasion,butwehadnotroubletakingcareofthem:asformedicalsupplies,wecouldhaveviedwiththebest-stockeddrugstoreinBerlin.Aspecialkommandowas

giventhejobofinspectingtheluggageleftinthegaschamberlobbiesand

recoupingallmedicinesbeforetheclothesandshoeswereshippedaway.Thesemedicineswerethenturnedovertometobearrangedandclassifiedaccordingtotheirtypeandpurpose.Itwasnoeasyjob,forpeoplewerebroughttoAuschwitzfromalloverEurope,andthemedicinestheybroughtwiththemwerenaturallylabeledinthelanguageofthecountryoforigin.SoIfoundlabels

writteninGreek,Polish,CzechandDutch,allofwhichIhadtodecipher.ImightmentioninpassingthatthemajorityofmedicinesfoundonthosewhohadbeenbroughttotheKZbelongedtooneofseveralkindsofsedatives.Sedativestoquietthe

nervesofEurope'spersecutedJews.Followingmyvisittothe

SS,Iproceededupstairsto

theSonderkommando'slivingquarters.WhileIwasthereItreatedafewcutsandbruises,commonamongchauffeurs.TheSonderkommandomenseldomhadanyorganicillnesses,fortheirclotheswereclean,theirbedswereprovidedwithfreshlinen,andtheirfoodwasgood,sometimesevenexcellent.Besidestheywereallyoungmen,hand-pickedfortheirstrengthandgoodphysical

constitution.Theydidhave,however,ageneraltendencytonervousdisorders,foritwasatremendousstrainonthemtoknowthattheirbrothers,theirwives,theirparents—theirentirerace—wereperishinghere.Dayafterdaytheytookthousandsofcorpsesanddraggedthemtothecrematoryovens,wheretheyloadedthemwiththeirownhandsintotheincinerationcases.Theresult

wasacutenervousdepression,andoftenneurasthenia.Everybodyherehadapastwhichhelookedbackonwithsorrow,andafuturehecontemplatedwithdespair.TheSonderkommando'sfuturewastightlycircumscribedbytime.Fouryears'painfulexperiencehadshownthatitslifespanwasfourmonths.AttheendofthatperiodacompanyofSSappeared.The

entirekommandowasherdedintothecrematorium'srearcourtyard.Amachine-gunblast.HalfanhourlateranewSonderkommandosquadarrived.Theyundressedtheirdeadcompanions.Anhourlateronlyaheapofashesremained.ThefirstjobofeverySonderkommandocrewwasthecremationofitspredecessor.Duringmyvisitstherewasalwayssomeonewhotookmeasideand

beggedmetogivehimaswift,surepoison.Iinvariablyrefused.TodayIamsorryIdid.Theyarealldead.Theirdeathwasswiftandsureallright—notself-administeredastheywouldhavepreferred,butatthehandsoftheNazibutchers.

XIMynextvisittookmeto

numbertwocrematorium,whichwasseparatedfromnumberonebyapaththroughsomefieldsandbytheJewishunloadingplatformalongtherailroadtracks.Itwasbuiltaccordingtothesameplansasnumberone.TheonlydifferenceInoticedwasthatthespacecorrespondingtothedissectionroomin

numberonewashereusedasagoldfoundry.Otherwisethelayoutoftheundressingroom,thegaschamber,theincinerationroomandthelivingquartersoftheSSandtheSonderkommandowasexactlythesame.Itwastothefoundrythat

allthegoldteethandbridgeworkcollectedinthefourcrematoriumswerebrought,allthejewelryandgoldcoins,theprecious

stonesandplatinumobjects,thewatches,thegoldcigarettecasesandanyotherpreciousmetalfoundinthetrunks,thesuitcases,theclothes,oronthebodiesofthedead.Threegoldsmithswereemployedhere.Firsttheydisinfectedthejewelry,thensortedandclassifiedit.Theyremovedthepreciousstonesandsentthesettingstothefoundry.Thegoldteethandjewelrysuppliedeach

daybythefourcrematoriumsproduced,oncesmelted,between65and75poundsofpuregold.Thesmeltingtookplacein

agraphitecrucibleabouttwoinchesindiameter.Theweightofthegoldcylinderwas140grams.IknewthatfiguretobeexactbecauseIhadweighedmorethanoneonanaccuratescaleinthedissectingroom.Thedoctorswhoremoved

theteethfromthebodiespriortocremationdidnotthrowallthepreciousmetalintothebucketfilledwithacid,foraportion—sometimesafairamount,sometimesonlyalittle—wentintothepocketsoftheSSguardswhenthesemorbidtreasureswerebeingcollected.Itwasthesameforthejewelryandgemssewedintotheliningsoftheclothes,andthegoldcoinsleftinthe

undressingroom.Inthelatterinstance,however,itwastheSonderkommandoentrustedwiththejobofgoingthroughtheluggagewhoprofited.Anexceedinglydangerousgame,though,fortheSSguardswereubiquitous,andtheykeptaclosewatchonthisnewlyacquiredproperty,whichhenceforthbelongedtotheThirdReich.Needlesstosay,theykeptanespeciallyclosewatchonthegoldand

jewelry.AtfirstIdidnotunderstand

how,fromajudicialormoralpointofview,theSonderkommandocouldbringthemselvestopocketthegold.Butafewdayslater,onceIhadabettergraspofthesituation,IwasinclinedtoagreethatitwasindeedtheSonderkommandowhoshould—ifanybodyshould—beconsideredthesoleheirsandlegalproprietorsof

thetreasureswhichfortunehadbroughttheirway.Themenofthe

Sonderkommandoalsoturnedtheirgoldovertobesmelted.Despitethestrictestsupervisiontherewerealwayswaysofgettingittothegoldsmithsandoflaterretrievingitintheformof140gram"coins."Butputtingthisgoldtowork,thatis,exchangingitforusefulgoods,wasamoredifficult

job.Noonedreamedofhoardinghisgold,forheknewthatinfourmonths'timehewouldbedead.Butforusfourmonthswasaverylongtime.Tobecondemnedtodeathandyetforcedtoperformjobssuchaswehadtoperformdayafterdaywasenoughtobreakthebodyandsoulofthestrongestamongus,andtodrivemanytothebrinkofinsanity.Itwasthusnecessarytomakelifeeasier,

morebearable,evenforafewweeks'time.Withgoldyoucoulddothat,eveninthecrematoriums.Thuswasborn,inthedays

ofthefirstSonderkommando,aunitofexchange:the140gramgoldcylinder.ThissameunitwasstillbeingusedbythetwelfthSonderkommando.Thegoldsmithsdidnothaveanycrucibleofasmallerdiameter,sotherewasno

wayforthemtomakeasmaller"coin."Inthecrematoriumsan

objecthadno"value"intheordinarysenseoftheterm.Anyonewhopaidforsomethingwithgoldhadalreadypaidwithhislifethedayheenteredhere.Butthepersonwhogavesomethinginexchangeforgolddoublyriskedhisneck,oncewhenhebroughtthearticlesthatwerehardtocomeby,evenonthe

outside,throughtheSSbarricadesandcheckpoints,andagainonhisreturntripcarryingthegoldhehadreceivedinpayment.Forbothcominginandleavingonewasalwayssearched.Onitswayoutthegoldwas

carriedinaSonderkommandoman'spocketasfarasthecrematoriumgate.Thereitchangedhands.ThemancarryingthegoldapproachedtheSSguardondutyand

exchangedafewwordswithhim.Thelatterturnedandsaunteredawayfromthegate.Onthesectionofrailwaytrackthatpassedinfrontofthe"Krema"ateamoffrom20to25Poleswasworking.AtasignfromtheSonderkommandoman,theirworkbossarrivedwithafoldedsackandtookthegold,whichwaswrappedinpaper.Sothesackcontainingthedesiredarticleswassafely

insidethecrematorium.TheSonderkommandoman

enteredtheguardhouse,whichwasnearthegate.Hetookaboutahundredcigarettesandabottleofbrandyfromthesack.TheSStrooperenteredandquicklypocketedboththebottleandcigarettes.Hewasofcourseextremelypleased,fortheSSreceivedonlytwocigarettesadayandnoalcoholatall.Andyetbothwereindispensable

here.TheSSguardsdrankandsmokedheavily;sodidtheSonderkommando.Othernecessaryitems,such

asbutter,eggs,hamandonions,weresmuggledinbythissamemethod.Nothingofthissortarrivedwiththedeportees.Sincethegoldwasprocuredthroughacollectiveeffort,thedistributionofthemerchandisereceivedinexchangewasmadeonthissamebasis.Thusboththe

crematoriumpersonnelandtheSSnoncomsreceivedanamplesupplyoffood,liquorandcigarettes.Everyoneshuthiseyestothistraffic,foritwastoeveryone'sadvantagethatitcontinue.Takenindividually,anySSguardinthecrematoriumcouldbebought.Theydistrustedonlythemselves,knowingthattheSonderkommandohadneverbetrayedanyoneandneverwould.Thatwaswhythe

food,liquorandcigaretteswereturnedovertooneSSguardbyone"confidenceman"fromthekommando.Bythissameunderground

routetheofficialorganoftheThirdReich,theVolkischerBeobachterwasbroughteverydaytothecrematoriumbyadifferentrailroadworker.Amonthlysubscriptioncostone140gramgoldcylinder.Anyonewhoriskedhisneckthirtytimesamonthbringing

hisnewspapertoaKZprisonerdeservedthesumhereceived.Sincemyarrivalinthe

crematoriumIhadbeenthefirstonetoreceivethissmuggledcopy.Ireaditinasafehidingplace,thenrelatedtheday'seventstooneoftheprisoner-clerks,whointurnpassedonthenewstohiscompanions.Withinafewminuteseveryonehadheardthelatestnews.

TheSonderkommandowasanelitegroup;itsadvantagesandprivilegeshavealreadybeennoted.Incontrasttotheprisonersinthecampproper,whowrithedinlice-filledboxes,who,madwithhunger,battledfuriouslyforascrapofbreadorapieceofpotato,itslotwasindeedgood.Fullyawareofthisunbalancedsituation,theSonderkommandodistributedfoodandclothingtotheirless

fortunatecomradeswhenevertheycould.Forthepastseveraldaysa

woman'skommandoofabout500roadworkershadbeenbusynotfarfromthecrematoriumgate.TheywereguardedbytwoSSandfourpolicedogs.Theirjobconsistedofcarryingrockstobeusedintheconstructionofaroad.SeveralmenfromtheSonderkommando,withthepermissionoftheirown

guards,approachedthetwoSSguardingthewomenandslippedthemeachapackofcigarettes.Withthatthedealwasconcluded.Thenthreeorfourwomen,loadedwithstones,walkedovertoourgate,asiftheirworkhadbroughtthemthere,andimmediatelygatheredupalltheclothingthathadbeenpreparedforthem.Theyalsogotsomebread,baconandcigarettes.Inturn,theywere

replacedbyothersinthekommando,tilleachhadreceivedhershare.TherewasneveranyfavoritismshownbytheSonderkommando,fornoneofusknewanyofthewomenpersonally.Overjoyedwiththeir"presents,"theyreturnedtotheirwork.Thenextdayadifferentgroupreplacedthemandthesamescenewasre-enacted.Thecrematoriums'

enormousstoreroom

containedgreatquantitiesofclothesandshoesawaitingshipment,andIwouldestimatethatseveralthousandwomenprisonerswereaidedinthismannerbytheSonderkommando.Ialsotriedtodomybit:loadingmypocketswithvitaminpills,sulfatablets,bottlesofiodine,bandagesandanythingelseIthoughtmightbeuseful,Ihandedthemoutasthewomenpassed.Whenmy

stockwasdepleted,Ireturnedtomyroomandrefilledmypockets;forthosewhoreceivedthem,thesemedicinesoftenmeantthedifferencebetweenlifeanddeath.Atleastforalittlewhile.Afterfinishinginnumber

two,Ivisitednumberthreeandnumberfourcrematoriums.Innumberthree,besidestheGreekandPolishmemberswhomadeup

themajorityofthekommando,InoticedthattherewerealreadyaboutahundredHungariandeportees.InnumberfourthekommandoconsistedlargelyofPolesandFrenchmen.Inallthesedeathfactories

workwasinfullswing.FromtheJewishunloadingplatform,whichwasdividedintofourlargefinger-likeprojections,similartothedeltaofsomefloodedriver,

thevictimsspilledtotheirdeathwithmaniacalfury.Horrified,Inotedwithwhatorderandrobot-likeprecisionthemurderswereperpetrated,asifthesefactorieswerehereforalleternity.IfbychanceIevergetout

ofthisplacealive,Ithought,andhaveachancetorelateallI'veseenandlivedthrough,whowillbelieveme?Words,descriptionsarequiteincapableoffurnishing

anyonewithanaccuratepictureofwhatgoesonhere.SomyeffortstophotographinmymindallIseeandengraveitinmymemoryare,afterall,completelyuseless.Withthisdiscouraging

thoughtrunningthroughmymind,Icompletedmyfirstday'stourofthefourcrematoriums.

XIIIhadmanagedtolaymy

handsonacopyoftheFrenchdictionary,PetitLarousse.WiththehelpofthemapsitcontainedItriedtosituatethenamesofthevariouslocalitiesmentionedinthenewspaperreports.Aloneinmyroom,Istudiedthemilitarysituationalongthesouthernandeasternfronts.Heavyfootstepsresoundedin

thehallway.Iquicklyflippedthepagesandlookedimpatientlytowardsthedoor.Thecrematoriumcommandercameintoinformmethatanimportantcommissionwasarrivingat2:00p.m.andthatIshouldhavethedissectingroomreadytoreceivethem.Beforethecommission

arrivedahearsepulledup,completelyclosedanddrapedwithblack.InsidelaythebodyofanSScaptain.Ihad

itplacedonthedissectingtable,stilldressed,justasithadbeendeliveredtome.Thecommission,

consistingofhigh-ranking,impeccablydressedofficers,arrivedpunctually:anSSMedicalCorpsColonel,ajudgeadvocate,twoGestapoofficersandacourt-martialrecorder.AfewminuteslaterDr.Mengeleappeared.Iofferedthemseats.Theyproceededtoholdashort

conference,duringwhichtheGestapoofficersrelatedinsomedetailthecircumstancesoftheircolleague'sdeath.Hiswounds,causedbya

firearm,pointedtoeithermurderorassassination.Suicidewasruledout:thecaptain'srevolverhadstillbeeninhisholsteratthetimehisbodyhadbeendiscovered.Asforthehypothesisthathehadbeenmurdered,thecrime,theybelieved,might

wellhavebeencommittedbyafellowofficer,orperhapssomesubordinatewhohadhadagrievanceagainsthim.Butassassinationseemedevenmorelikely:itwasafairlycommonoccurrenceinthePolishcityofGleiwitzandthesurroundingarea,wheregroupsofpartisanswereactive.Thepurposeoftheautopsy

wastodeterminewhethertheshothadbeenfiredfromin

frontorbehind,whatthecaliberandcharacteristicsofthemurderweaponwere,andfromwhatapproximatedistancethecrimehadbeencommitted.AtthattimetherewasnodoctoratGleiwitzqualifiedasacoroner;thatwaswhythebodyhadbeenbroughttoAuschwitzforanautopsy,forGleiwitzwasonly40kilometersaway,andAuschwitzwasconsequentlythenearestspotwherean

autopsycouldbeperformedundersatisfactoryconditions.Inmyroleofobserver,I

stoodatarespectfuldistancefromthegroupwhilethisdiscussionwastakingplace,andwaited,withthemutepatienceexpectedfromallKZprisoners,forDr.Mengele'sinstructions.IhadneverthoughtthatI,a

JewishprisoneroftheKZ,wouldbeallowedtosully—bymycontact—thebodyof

anSSofficer.Asformyperformingtheautopsy,Iwouldneverevenhavedreamedofit,especiallysince,evenwhenIhadbeenaso-called"freecitizen,"raciallawshadinvariablykeptmefromgivingmedicalattentiontoChristians,or,moreexactly,toAryans.SoIwasquitesurprisedwhenDr.Mengeleturnedtomeandaskedmetogetonwiththedissection.

Thefirstjob,farfromasimpleone,wastoundressthebody.Twomenwouldbeneededtoremovehisbootsalone.Ithereforerequestedpermissiontocallinacoupleofassistants.Whilethebodywasbeingundressed,themembersofthecommissionbecameinvolvedinaheateddiscussionandpaidhardlyanyattentiontomeandmyhelpers.AsImadetheinitial

incisionIfoundmyselffightingoffanattackofstagefrightandafeelingofinferiority.Icuttheskinoftheskulland,withaquick,precisemovement,turnedhalftheskindownoverthefaceandtheotherhalfoverthebackoftheneck.Thefollowingstepwasmoredifficult:itconsistedofsawingtheskullandremovingthebrainpan.AlmostmechanicallyI

followed,indueorder,theprescribedsteps.Itwasnowtimetoexamine

thetwowoundscausedbythebullet.Ifithadgoneallthewaythroughthebodytherewouldofcoursebetwoholes,oneatthepointofentrance,theotheratthepointofexit.Inthemajorityofcasesthephysicianhasnotroubletellingwhichiswhich:theplacewherethebulletentersthebodyisalwayssmaller

thanthepointwhereitemerges.Butinthepresentcasethereweretwoholes,exactlythesamesize,onebelowtheleftnippleandtheotherclosetotheupperedgeoftheshoulderblade.Thematterwasfarfrom

clear,andthereforeallthemoreinteresting.Whatcouldhavecausedtheuniformityofthetwowounds?Dr.Mengelewasoftheopinionthattheremightwellhavebeentwo

bulletsfired,onefrominfrontandtheotherfrombehind.Thiscouldeasilyhavebeenthecaseiftheofficerhadfallenafterthefirstshotandbeenhitbythesecondwhilehewaslyingontheground.Neitherbulletwentallthewaythroughthebody,thusexplainingthetwoidenticalwounds.Thistheorysoundedplausibleenough,butremainedtobeverified.TodothisIhadtostudythe

pathofthebullet,orbullets.Indoingso,Ifoundthatthebulletwhichenteredthebodybelowtheleftnipplepiercedtheheart,thengrazedtheleftextremityofthespinalcolumnandcontinuedupwardatanangleof35°tillitreachedtheupperedgeoftheshoulderblade,atinyportionofwhichithadcrushedbeforeleavingthebody.Therecouldbenodoubtaboutit;onlyonebullet

hadbeenfired,andthatfrominfrontofthevictim,forthepathofthebulletmovedupwardandfromfronttobackattheaforementionedangleof35°.Thereasonthetwoholeswerethesamesizewasthatthebullethadgrazedthespinalcolumnandchippedoffasectionoftheshoulderblade;considerablyslowedbytheseobstacles,ithadleftthebodyaftermostofitsenergyhadbeen

expended.Besides,itisdoubtfulthatanyonewouldaimdownwardatanangleof35°whenshooting.Todosowouldrequirethemurderertoraisehisarmwellabovehishead.Soitseemedobvioustomethatthebullethadbeenfiredfrominfront,thattheweaponhadbeenpointedupwardfromthehorizontalatthetimeoffiring,thattheshothadbeenmadeatclosequartersandthat,inall

probability,thekillerhadbeenpreventedbysomeinterveningobstaclefromraisinghisgunanyhigher.Butthiswasamatterfortheinquesttodecide.Isawthatmyremarks

satisfiedthemembersofthecommission,fortheyannouncedthatinthefutureallcasesrequiringanautopsywouldbesenthere.Theyfoundthisaverysatisfactoryarrangement.ThusIbecame,

withthisoneautopsy,thecoronerfortheKZinchargeofallmatterspertainingtoforensicmedicineintheGleiwitzdistrict.

XIIIEarlyonemorningI

receivedaphonecallorderingmetoreportimmediatelytothe"pyre"forthepurposeofbringingbacktonumberonecrematoriumallthemedicinesandeyeglassesthathadbeencollectedthere.AfterbeingsortedandclassifiedtheywouldbeshippedtovariouspartsofGermany.

Thepyrewaslocatedaboutfiveorsixhundredyardsfromnumberfourcrematorium,directlybehindthelittlebirchforestofBirkenau,inaclearingsurroundedbypines.ItlayoutsidetheKZ'selectricbarbedwirefence,betweenthefirstandsecondlinesofguards.SinceIwasnotauthorizedtoventuresofarfromtheactualconfinesofthecamp,Irequestedsome

sortofwrittenpermissionfromtheoffice.Theyissuedmeasafeconductgoodforthreepersons,forIplannedontakingtwomenwithmetohelpcarrythematerialbacktothecrematorium.Wesetoffinthedirection

ofthethicktwistingspiralofsmoke.Allthoseunfortunateenoughtobebroughtheresawthiscolumnofsmoke,whichwasvisiblefromanypointintheKZ,fromthe

momenttheyfirstdescendedfromtheboxcarsandlinedupforselection.Itwasvisibleateveryhourofthedayandnight.BydayitcoveredtheskyaboveBirkenauwithathickcloud;bynightitlightedtheareawithahellishglow.Ourpathtookuspastthe

crematoriums.AftershowingtheSSguardsoursafeconduct,wepassedthroughanopeningcutinthebarbed

wireandreachedanopenroad.Thesurroundingcountryside—apatchworkofbrightgreen,grassyclearing—seemedpeaceful.Butsoonmywatchfuleyesdiscerned,aboutahundredyardsaway,theguardsofthesecondline,eitherloungingonthegrassorsittingbesidetheirmachinegunsandpolicedogs.Wecrossedaclearingand

cametoasmallpineforest.

Onceagainwefoundourwayblockedbyafenceandgatestrungwithbarbedwire.Alargesign,similartothoseonthecrematoriumgates,waspostedhere:ENTRANCEIS

STRICTLYFORBIDDENTOALLTHOSEWHOHAVENOBUSINESSHERE,INCLUDINGSSPERSONNELNOTASSIGNEDTOTHISCOMMAND.

Inspiteofthissign,weenteredwithouttheguardsevenaskingusforourpass.Thereasonwassimple:theSSguardsondutyherewerefromthecrematoriums,andthe60Sonderkommandomenwhoworkedatthepyrewerealsocrematoriumpersonnelfromnumbertwo.Atpresentthedayshiftwason.Theyworkedfromseveninthemorningtillsevenintheevening,whentheywere

replacedbythenightwatch,whichalsoconsistedof60men,takenfromnumberfour.Passingthroughthegate,

wereachedanopenplacewhichresembledacourtyard,inthemiddleofwhichstoodathatched-roofhousewhoseplasterwaspeelingoff.ItsstylewasthatofatypicalGermancountryhouse,anditssmallwindowswerecoveredwithplanks.Asamatteroffact,itnodoubthad

beenacountryhouseforatleast150years,tojudgebyitsthatchedroof,whichhadlongsinceturnedblack,anditsoftenreplastered,flakingwalls.TheGermanStatehad

expropriatedtheentirevillageofBirkenaunearAuschwitz,inordertoestablishtheKZthere.Allthehouses,withtheexceptionofthisone,hadbeendemolished,andthepopulationevacuated.

What,infact,mustthishousehavebeenusedfor?Haditbeenmeanttobelivedin?Inthatcasepartitionsmusthavedividedtheinteriorintorooms.Orhaditoriginallybeenonelargeroom,withoutpartitions,meanttobeusedasahangarorstoreroom?Iaskedmyselfthesequestions,butwasunabletosupplytheanswers.Inanycase,itwasnowusedasanundressingroomfor

thoseontheirwaytothepyre.Itwasherethattheydepositedtheirshabbyclothes,theirglasses,andtheirshoes.Itwasherethatthe

"surplus"fromthe"Jewishramp"wassent,thatis,thoseforwhomtherewasnoroominthefourcrematoriums.Theworstkindofdeathawaitedthem.Heretherewerenofaucetstoslakethethirstofseveraldays'voyage,no

fallacioussignstoallaytheirmisgivings,nogaschamberwhichtheycouldpretendwasadisinfectingroom.Merelyapeasanthouse,oncepaintedyellowandcoveredwiththatch,whosewindowshadbeenreplacedbyplanks.Behindthehouseenormous

columnsofsmokeroseskyward,diffusingtheodorofbroiledfleshandburninghair.Inthecourtyardaterrifiedcrowdofabout5,000

souls;onallsidesthickcordonsofSS,holdingleashedpolicedogs.Theprisonerswereled,threeorfourhundredatatime,intotheundressingroom.There,hustledbyarainoftruncheonblows,theyspreadouttheirclothesandleftbythedoorattheoppositesideofthehouse,yieldingtheirplacestothosewhoweretofollow.Onceoutthedoor,theyhadnotimeeventoglancearound

themortorealizethehorroroftheirsituation.ASonderkommandoimmediatelyseizedtheirarmsandsteeredthembetweenthedoublerowofSSwholinedthetwistingpath,which,flankedoneithersidebywoods,ranfor50yardstothepyre,whichtillnowhadbeenhiddenbythetrees.Thepyrewasaditch50

yardslong,sixyardswideandthreeyardsdeep,awelter

ofburningbodies.SSsoldiers,stationedatfive-yardintervalsalongthepathwaysideoftheditch,awaitedtheirvictims.Theywereholdingsmallcaliberarms—sixmillimeters—usedintheKZforadministeringabulletinthebackoftheneck.AttheendofthepathwaytwoSonderkommandomenseizedthevictimsbythearmsanddraggedthemfor15or20

yardsintopositionbeforetheSS.Theircriesofterrorcoveredthesoundoftheshots.Ashot,then,immediatelyafterwards,evenbeforehewasdead,thevictimwashurledintotheflames.Fiftyyardsfartheronascenesimilarinallrespectswasbeingenacted.OberschaarfuhrerMollewasinchargeofthesebutchers.Asadoctor,andasaneyewitness,Iswearthathe

wastheThirdReich'smostabject,diabolicandhardenedassassin.EvenDr.Mengeleshowedfromtimetotimethathewashuman.Duringtheselectionsattheunloadingramp,whenhenoticedahealthyyoungwomanwhoaboveallwantedtojoinhermotherintheleft-handcolumn,hesnarledathercoarsely,butorderedhertoregaintheright-handgroup.Eventheaceshotofthe

numberonecrematorium,OberschaarfuhrerMussfeld,firedasecondshotintoanyonewhomthefirstshothadnotkilledoutright.OberschaarfuhrerMollewastednotimeoversuchtrifles.Herethemajorityofthemenwerethrownaliveintotheflames.WoetoanySonderkommandobywhoseactionthelivingchain,whichextendedfromcloakroomtopyre,wasbroken,withthe

resultthatoneofthemembersofthefiringsquadwasforcedtowaitforafewsecondsbeforereceivinghisnewvictim.Mollewaseverywhereat

once.Hemadehiswaytirelesslyfromonepyretothenext,tothecloakroomandbackagain.Mostofthetimethedeporteesallowedthemselvestobeledwithoutresistance.Soparalyzedweretheywithfrightandterror

thattheynolongerrealizedwhatwasabouttohappentothem.Themajorityoftheelderlyandthechildrenreactedinthisway.Therewere,however,agoodlynumberofadolescentsamongthosebroughthere,whoinstinctivelytriedtoresist,withastrengthbornofdespair.IfMollehappenedtowitnesssuchascene,hetookhisgunfromhisholster.Ashot,abulletoftenfiredfrom

adistanceof40to50yards,andthestrugglingpersonfelldeadinthearmsoftheSonderkommandowhowasdragginghimtowardsthepyre.Mollewasanaceshot.HisbulletsoftenpiercedthearmsoftheSonderkommandomenfromonesidetotheotherwhenhewasdissatisfiedwiththeirwork.Insuchcasesheinevitablyaimedforthearms,withoutotherwisemanifestinghis

dissatisfaction,butalsowithoutgivinganypreviouswarning.Whenthetwopyreswere

operatingsimultaneously,theoutputvariedfromfivetosixthousanddeadaday.Slightlybetterthanthecrematoriums,butheredeathwasathousandtimesmoreterrible,forhereonediedtwice,firstbyabulletinthebackoftheneck,thenbyfire.Afterdeathbygas,by

chloroforminjections,andabulletinthebackoftheneck,Ihadnowmademyacquaintancewiththisfourth"combined"method.Igatheredupthemedicines

andglassesleftbehindbythevictims.Dazed,mykneesstilltremblingwithemotion,Istartedforhome,thatis,fornumberonecrematorium,which,toquoteDr.Mengelehimself,"wasnosanatorium,butaplacewhereonecould

liveinaprettydecentway."Afterhavingseenthepyres,Iwasinclinedtoagreewithhim.Oncehome,Ienteredthe

room,butinsteadofarrangingthemedicinesandspectacles,Itookasedativeandwenttobed.Today'sdosewas30centigrams,sufficient,Ihoped,tocounteracttheeffectsoffuneralpyresickness.

XIVThefollowingmorningI

awokewonderingwhatrevelationthenewdaywouldbring.Forhereeachnewdayhaditsrevelation,onemorehorriblethananythinganormalpersoncouldeverhavedreamedof.IlearnedfromtheSonder,

whoinvariablymanagedtohaveallthelatestinformation,thattheKZwas

instrictquarantine.Thismeantthatnoonecouldleavethebarracks.SSsoldiersandtheirpolicedogswereoutinfullforce.TodaytheyweregoingtoliquidatetheCzechCamp.TheCzechCampconsisted

ofabout15,000deporteesbroughtfromtheTheresienstadtghetto.LiketheGypsyCamp,ithadafamilyairaboutit.Thedeporteeshadnotbeen

"selected"uponarrival,butsentintacttotheirquarters.All,nomatterwhattheirageorphysicalcondition,hadbeenallowedtokeeptheircleanclothesandlivetogether.Theirlotwashard,butnotunbearable.Unliketheothersections,theydidnotwork.Thustheyhadlivedfortwo

years,tillthehourfortheirexterminationarrived,assoonerorlateritarrivedfor

everybodyintheKZ.AtAuschwitzitwasneveraquestionofwhetheryouwouldliveordie,butmerelyaquestionoftime,ofwhenyouwoulddie.Nooneescaped.ThetrainloadsofHungariandeportees,or,tousetheexpressioncurrentintheKZ,the"freight,"arrivedinasteadyflow,sometimestwotrainloadsatatime,anddisgorgedtheirpassengers.ForthemtheubiquitousDr.

Mengeledispensedwiththecustomaryformalityofselection.Hestoodtherelikeastatue,hisarmalwayspointinginthesamedirection:totheleft.Thuswholetrainloadswereexpeditedtothegaschambersandpyres.Thequarantinecamp,C

Camp,DCampandtheFsectionwereterriblyovercrowded,despitethequotaswhichwerefilled

dailyforshipmenttomoredistantcamps.IntheCzechCampboththechildrenandagedhadbeengreatlyweakenedbytheirtwo-yearordeal:thechildren'sbodiesweremereskinandbones,andtheelderlyprisonersweresoweaktheycouldscarcelywalk.Bothhadtorelinquishtheirplacestonewarrivalswhowerestillstrongenoughtowork.Duringthepreceding

weekstheirsituationhadsteadilyworsened.WhenthefirstHungarianconvoyshadbegunarrivingtheirrationshadbeensharplyreduced.Then,afewweekslater,whenthestreamofnewdeporteeshadswelledtofloodproportions,thecampauthoritieshadfoundthemselvesfacedwithaseriousshortageoffood.Asusual,theirremedyhadbeenbothdrasticandefficient:

theyhadpracticallysuppressedtheCzechCamprationsaltogether.Hungerhadreducedthe

prisonerstoraving,moaningmaniacs.Withinafewdaystheiralreadyweakenedorganismshaddisintegratedentirely.Diarrhea,dysenteryandtyphushadbeguntheirdeadlywork.Fiftyorsixtydeathsadaywasnormal.Theirlastdayswerespentinindescribablesuffering,tillat

lastdeathcameandsetthemfree.Theclosingofallbarracks

wasorderedearlyinthemorning.SeveralhundredSSsoldierssurroundedtheCzechareaandorderedtheinmatestoassemble.Theircriesofterrorastheywereloadedontothewaitingvanswereterribletohear,foraftertwoyearsintheKZtheynolongerhadanyillusionsaboutwhatlayinstoreforthem.

"LiquidationDay"foundsomel2,000prisonersleftintheCzechCamp.Fromamongthatnumber1,500able-bodiedmenandwomenwerechosen,alongwitheightphysicians.Therestweresenttonumbertwoandnumberthreecrematoriums.OnthefollowingdaytheCzechCampwassilentanddeserted.Isawatruckloadedwithashesleavethecrematoriumandhead

towardstheVistula.ThustheAuschwitzmuster

rollswerereducedbymorethan12,000"units,"andonemorebloodypagewasaddedtotheAuschwitz

archives.Thatpagecontainedonlythefollowingbriefinscription:"TheCzechsectionoftheAuschwitzconcentrationcampwasliquidatedthisdateduetoaprevalenceoftyphusamongtheprisoners.Signed:Dr.

Mengele,HauptsturmfuhrerILagerazt."Theeightphysiciansfrom

theCzechCampwho,thankstoDr.Epstein'sintervention,hadbeenspared,weresenttotheFCamp'shospitalbarracks,eitherbecausetheywerephysicallyandmentallyexhaustedaftertheirsuperhumaneffortsincaringfortheirfellow-prisoners,orbecausetheywereinfectedwithtyphus.

OnthedayfollowingtheliquidationoftheCzechCampIpaidanofficialvisittoFCamp.ThereImettheeightdoctorswhohadescapeddeathandhadachancetotalkwiththem,andinparticularwithDr.Heller,whosenamewaswellknowninmedicalcircles.FromhislipsIlearnedthefullstoryofthesufferinganddeathofCzechoslovakia'sJewishelite.Sincethen,alleighthave

perished.Theyweretruedoctors.Iholdtheirmemoryindeepesteem.

XVTheCcamp,whichwas

situatedneartheCzechCamp,wascomposedofHungarianJewishwomen,oftenasmanyas60,000atatime,inspiteofthedailyshipmentstodistantcamps.Itwasinthisheavilyoverpopulatedcampthatthedoctorsonedaydiscoveredamongtheinmatesofoneofthebarracksthesymptomsof

scarletfever.ByDr.Mengele'sorderthatbarracks,aswellasthoseoneithersideofit,wasquarantined.Thequarantinelastedonlyashorttime:frommorningtillevening,hardlytwelvehours.Atdusktrucksarrivedtoembarktheinmatesofthesethreebarrackstothecrematoriums.SuchweretheefficaciousmethodsemployedbyDr.Mengeletopreventthespreadof

contagiousdiseases.TheCzechCampandC

CamphadalreadyfelttheeffectsofDr.Mengele'sbattleagainsttheoutbreakofepidemics.Fortunately,thedoctorsassignedtothesebarracksquicklysizedupDr.Mengele'smethodforstemmingcontagion.AndfromthenontheywerecarefulnottorevealanycasesofinfectiousdiseasestotheSSmedicalauthorities.As

oftenaswaspossibletheywentsofarastoconcealthesickpersoninacornerofthebarracks,andcaredforhimasbesttheycouldwiththemeagerresourcesattheirdisposal.Theyavoidedatallcostssendingthesicktothehospital,sincetheSSdoctorscheckedallpatientsthereandtheappearanceofacontagiousdiseasemeanttheliquidationbothofthebarrackswherethedisease

hadoriginatedandoftheneighboringbarracksaswell.SSmedicallanguagecalledthismethod"theintensivebattleagainstthespreadofinfection."Theresultsofthatstrugglewerealwaysoneortwotruckloadsofashes...Aftersuchprecedents,the

bodiesoftwowomenwerebroughttomefromtheBCamphospital.Dr.Mengelehadsentthemtomeforautopsy.Asusual,Ireceived

filesatthesametimewhichcontaineddetailedmedicalinformationonthedeceased.Inthecolumnheaded"diagnosis"Inoticed,respectively,theterms"typhoidfever"and"heartfailure."Thetwomentionswerefollowedbyquestionmarks.Iamnotoneusuallygiven

topauseandweightheproandconbeforeacting.Idecidequicklyandact

quickly,especiallywhenitisaquestionofanimportantdecision.Theresultsarenotalwaysbrilliant.ThefactthatIhadended

uphereinthecrematoriumswastheresultofasnapdecision.OnceagainImadeupmy

mindquickly.IcouldnotsendDr.Mengele,inthereportonmyautopsy,adiagnosisoftyphoidfever.Thedescriptionofthe

victim'sillnesswasfullofloopholes.Thediagnosiswasaccompaniedbyaquestionmark.Thedoctorwasobviouslyunsureofhimselfinthematter.Theautopsywoulddeterminewhetherornothisjudgmenthadbeencorrect.Thatwaswhythetwobodieshadbeensenttome.Iperformedtheautopsy.

Thesmallintestineinbothbodieswasinanulcerous

statecharacteristicofthree-week-oldtyphoid.Thespleenwasalsoswollen.Beyondallshadowofadoubt,bothcaseswerevictimsoftyphoidfever.Dr.Mengelearrivedas

usualaboutfiveo'clockintheafternoon.Hewasinagoodhumor.Hecameoverandquestionedme,fullofcuriosityastotheresultsofmyautopsies.Thetwobodieswerelyingopenonthetable.Thelargeandsmall

intestines,aswellasthespleensfrombothbodies,werewashedandplacedinacontainer,readytobeexamined.Igavehimmydiagnosis:

inflammationofthesmallintestinewithextensiveulceration.IexpoundedforDr.Mengele'sbenefitthe

ulceratedstateofthesmallintestineduringthethirdweekoftyphoidfever,and

comparedittotheulcerationswhichariseduringtheinflammationofthesameorgan.Idrewhisattentiontothefactthattheswellingofthespleenoftenaccompaniedinflammationoftheintestine,andthatasaconsequenceitwasnotaquestionoftyphoidfever,butaseriousinflammationofthesmallintestine,probablycausedbymeatpoisoning.Dr.Mengelewasarace

biologistandnotapathologist.Soitwasnotdifficulttoconvincehimthatmydiagnosiswascorrect.However,tobemistakenannoyedhim.Turningtomehesaid:"Ifyouwantmyopinion,doctorswhoareguiltyofsuchcrasserrorswouldbemoreusefultotheKZasroadworkersthanasphysicians.Poordiagnoseslikethesecouldcauseanynumberofunnecessary

deaths."Hetooktheaffidavitsand

files,butbeforeputtingtheminhisbriefcase,addedanoteinthemargin."Makethewomendoctorsresponsible,"Ireadoverhisshoulder.Isincerelyregrettedhavingsowrongedmyinnocentfemalecolleagues,fortheirdiagnosiswasexcellent.Perhapstheywouldnowlosetheirjobsandendupperformingheavylabor;ifDr.Mengelecarried

outhisthreat,Iwouldhavebeenthecauseofit.Accordingtomedical

customsaspracticedoutsidethebarbedwireIhadcertainlyactedunethically,andwasfullyconsciousofmyguilt.Ihadwrongedtwoorthreeinnocentpeople.ButtowhatlengthsmightDr.Mengelehavegoneinhisfightagainstepidemics,andwhatmighthavebeenthenumberofvictims,ifIhad

acteddifferently?Thenextday,however,I

receivedcomfortingnewsconcerningthefateofmycolleagues.Dr.Mengelehadreprimandedthem,buthadletitgoatthat.Thewomendoctorsstayedontheirjobs.Subsequentlymanybodiesweresenttome,withtheirmedicalrecords,butthediagnosiscolumnwasneverfilledout.Ipreferreditthatway.Dr.Mengele's

indignationconcerningthesupposederrorindiagnosisneverthelesscontinuedtopreyonmymindforseveraldays.Tofindsomuchcynicismmixedwithsomuchevilinadoctorsurprisedme,evenintheKZ.Hewasnoordinarydoctor,butacriminal,orrather,a"criminaldoctor."

XVIOnemorningDr.Mengele

sentformetoreportimmediatelytotheFCampcommander.Iwashappyenoughtogo,foritwouldgivemeachancetogetawayfromthedepressingatmosphereofthecrematoriumsforafewhours.Iknewthatthewalkwoulddomegoodtoo,forIhadlittleopportunitytoexercise.

AndafterthesmellofthedissectingroomandcrematoriumsIlookedforwardtogettingabitoffreshair.Besides,thisvisitwouldgivemeachancetoconversewithmyFCampcolleagues,whohadwelcomedmesowarmlywhenIhadfirstarrivedintheKZ.Ipreparedforthetripbyfillingmypocketswithpreciousmedicinesandseveralpackagesof

cigarettes.Ididnotwanttoreturnempty-handedtomyformer"home,"i.e.,tohospital-barracks12.Ileftbytheirongateofthe

crematorium,wheretheguardsnotedmynumber,thenheadedinthedirectionofFCamp,withouthurrying,thebettertoenjoyeventhisshortwalk.Ipassedbesidethebarbedwirefencesofthewomen'scamp,the"FKL,"wherethousandsupon

thousandsofwomenprisonerswerewalkingtoandfroamongtheflimsyshacksthatpassedforbarracks.Allthewomenlookedalike,andall,withtheirshavedheadsandtatteredclothes,wererepulsive.Ithoughtofmywifeanddaughter,oftheirlongcurlyhair,oftheirstylishclothesandtastefulmannerofdressing,ofthelonghourstheyusedtospenddiscussingtheseall-

important,feminineproblems.Threemonthshadalreadypassedsinceourseparationontheunloadingplatform.Whathadbecomeofthem?Weretheystillalive?Together?Weretheystillinthewomen'ssectionoftheAuschwitzKZ,orhadtheyperhapsbeensenttooneoftheThirdReich'smoredistantcamps?Threemonthsisalongtime.ButthreemonthsintheKZwaslonger

still.Nevertheless,IhadafeelingtheywerestillatAuschwitz.Butwhere?Inthiscomplicatedlabyrinthofbarbedwire,whichfencewastheirs?EverywhereIlookedIsawnothingbutavastnetworkofbarbedwire,concretepillars,andsignsforbiddingentranceorexit.TheKZwasnothingbutbarbedwire;thewholeofGermanywasencompassedbybarbedwire,itselfan

enormousKZ.IreachedtheFCampgate.

TheentrancewasguardedbytheBlockfuhrerstube.AsoldierandanSSnoncomwiththefaceofabrutewereonduty.Iproceededtotheguardhousewindow,pulledupthesleeveofmysuitcoatand,inaccordancewithprescribedprocedure,announcedmynumber:A8450.AsIpulledbackmysleeve,thewristwatchDr.

Mengelehadgivenmeauthorizationtowear,sinceIneededitformywork,becamevisible.TokeepsuchanobjectwasoneoftheKZ'smostheinousoffenses.WiththespeedandfuryofafamishedtigertheSSnoncomjumpedtohisfeetandcamerunningfromtheguardhouse."Whointhedevildoyou

thinkyouare,wearingawristwatch!"heshoutedinaraucousvoice."Andwhat

businessdoyouhavecomingheretoFCamp?"Athreemonths'stayinthe

crematoriumswasaschoolthatleftitsmark.Withoutlosingmytemper,withoutevenbattinganeyelash,Iansweredhiminaquietvoice."IamherebecauseDr.

Mengelesentforme,"Isaid."Butifit'simpossibleformetogetintoFCamp,thenI'dbetterreturntothe

crematoriumandletDr.Mengeleknowbytelephone."Thename"Dr.Mengele"

workedlikemagic.Justhearingitutteredwasenoughtomakemostpeopletremble.Mynoncomgrewtameinlesstimethanittakestotell.InanalmostfawningmannerheaskedmejusthowlongIintendedstayinginsidethecamp."Yousee,Ihavetorecord

theinformation,"headded

apologetically.Ilookedatmywatch.Itwasteno'clock."Ishallstayuntil2:00p.m.,"Isaid."BythenmybusinesswithDr.Mengelewillcertainlybefinished."TopunctuatemysentenceItookapackageofcigarettesfrommypocketandhandedhimafew.Obviouslypleasedwiththegift,hespoketomeinanalmostfriendlymanner,andevenwentsofarastointimatethathewouldbe

mosthappytoseemeonmynextvisit.Therewasnodenyingit,

thename"Dr.Mengele,"thementionofthecrematorium,andtheostentatiousdisplayofcigaretteshadmadeastrongimpressionontheSSslave.NowIwascertainofbeingabletospendatleastanhourortwowithmyformerfriends.ButfirsttofindoutwhyDr.Mengelehadsentforme.

Ienteredthecampcommander'sbarracksandwaitedintheouterlobbytilltheclerkaskedmemybusiness.Itoldhim.Hepointedtoadoorattheoppositeendoftheroom.Icrossedtoitandenteredawell-furnishedstudy.Thewallswerecoveredwithgraphsandchartswhichshowedwhatthepopulationandcompositionofthecamphadbeenduringvarious

periodsofitsexistence.ProminentlydisplayedinanornateframeInoticedanenormousphoto-portraitofHimmler,withhispince-

nezsetdelicatelyonthebridgeofhisnose.Threepeoplewereseated

intheroom:Dr.Mengele;HauptsturmfuhrerDr.Thilo,headsurgeonoftheKZ;andObersturmfuhrerDr.Wolff,directoroftheGeneralMedicalService.Dr.Mengele

informedDr.Wolff,whomIhadnotpreviouslymet,thatitwasIwhoperformedtheautopsiesinthecrematoriums."Mostinteresting,"Dr.

Wolffsaid,strokinghischin."Dr.Mengelehastoldmeofyourwork.Iamespeciallyinterestedinpathology,Doctor,andwouldalreadyhavelookedinonsomeofyourmoredelicatecasesiflackoftimehadnot

preventedme."Iwaitedforwhatwasto

follow."Atthepresenttime,"he

continued,"Iamengagedinascientificstudyofsomeimportance.ButtorounditoutIwillneedyourhelp.ThatiswhyIaskedDr.Mengeletohaveyoucomeoverheretoday."Hepausedandthenwenton:"Asyouknow,diarrheaisextremelycommoninthecamp,and

90%ofthecasesprovefatal.Iknowallthereistoknowabouttheprognosisandevolutionofthedisease,forIhavemadethousandsofexaminationsandkeptveryaccuratenotes.Butmyworkisimperfect,for,besidesclinicalobservations,ascientificstudyrequiresapathologicalreportonasufficientnumberofdysenterycasestobeconclusive."

Ibegantoseethelight.Dr.Wolffwasalsoengagedinresearch.Inthemidstofthestenchandsmokeofthecrematoriums,hetoowishedtoprofitfromthehundredsofthousandsofhumanguineapigsavailableintheKZ,manyofwhomhadbeenreducedbydysenterytoanunbelievable60or65pounds.Throughthedissectionofalargenumberofbodieshehopedtodiscovertheinternal

manifestationsofdysenterystillunknowntomedicalscience.Dr.Mengelewantedto

solvetheproblemofthemultiplicationoftheracebystudyingthehumanmaterial—orrather,thetwinmaterial—thathewasfreetoemployashesawfit.Dr.Wolffwassearchingforthecausesofdysentery.Actually,itscausesarenotdifficulttodetermine;eventhelayman

knowsthem.Dysenteryiscausedbyapplyingthefollowingformula:takeanyindividual—man,woman,orinnocentchild—snatchhimawayfromhishome,stackhimwithahundredothersinasealedboxcar,inwhichabucketofwaterhasfirstbeenthoughtfullyplaced,thenpackthemoff,aftertheyhavespentsixpreliminaryweeksinaghetto,toAuschwitz.Therepilethembythe

thousandsintobarracksunfittoserveasstables.Forfood,givethemarationofmouldybreadmadefromwildchestnuts,asortofmargarineofwhichthebasicingredientislignite,thirtygramsofsausagemadefromthefleshofmangyhorses,thewholenottoexceed700calories.Towashthisrationdown,ahalfliterofsoupmadefromnettlesandweeds,containingnothingfatty,noflour,no

salt.Infourweeks,dysenterywillinvariablyappear.Then,threeorfourweekslater,thepatientwillbe"cured,"forhewilldieinspiteofanybelatedtreatmenthemayreceivefromthecampdoctors.AccordingtoDr.Wolff,at

least150bodieswouldbeneededforthechapterofhisstudydevotedtothepathologicalaspectofthequestion.Dr.Mengele

interruptedtheconversation."Byperformingseven

autopsiesaday,"hesaid,"youshouldbeabletofinishtherequirednumberinapproximatelythreeweeks."Ididnotagree."I'msorry,

gentlemen,"Isaid,"butifyouwantthejobtobeaccurateandwelldone—ofwhichIhavenodoubt—thenIcanperformonlythreeautopsiesaday."Aftersomediscussionwefinallyagreedonthis

pointand,withacursorynod,Iwasdismissed.Ipaidacallonmy

colleaguesstationedinbarracks-hospitalnumber12.TheywereoverjoyedtoreceivethemedicinesIhadbrought,andcontentedlysmokedthecigarettesIhandedaround.Theirfacesandwordsbetrayedsymptomsoffatigueanddiscouragement.TheCzechCamp'ssuddenandtragicend

hadhadastrongeffectonthem.Littlebylittlethehopelessnessoftheirsituationwasoverwhelmingthem,asithadoverwhelmedme,butwiththisdifference:myrealizationhadnotcomelittlebylittle,butallatonce—themomentIhadsteppedacrossthethresholdintothecrematorium.Ididmybest,however,to

encouragethem,exhortingthemtopersevere.Idescribed

themilitarysituationtotheminsomedetail,andshowedhow,daybyday,itwasevolvingmoreandmorefavorablyforusall.SinceIreadthepapereverydayIwasabletobackupmystatementswithconcretefacts.Wepartedwitharoundofwarmhandshakes.IntheKZ,theexpression"Totakeleaveofafriendistodiealittle"tookonanaddedmeaning.

InanyeventIleftthemfeelingthatIcouldsay,withoutfearofboasting,thatIhaveastrongcharacter,forinmyownimpossiblesituationIstillmanagedtoencourageotherstopersevere...ObersturmfuhrerWolff's

formerpatients,alldeadofdysentery,passedinsuccessionbeneaththescalpel.Ihadalreadyfinishedthefirstthirtyautopsiesand

wasrecordingtheresultsofmyobservations.Ineachcasethemucousofthestomachwasinflamed,whichresultedinaburning,orratheracompletewitheringoftheglandsthatsecretechloricacidinthestomach.Alackofgastricjuicesrendersdigestionimpossible,butincreasesfermentationproportionally.Mysecondobservation

concernedtheinflamed

conditionofthesmallintestine,whichwasaccompaniedbyathinningoftheintestinalwalls.Mythirdobservationrelatedtothemostimportantdigestivejuiceofthesmallintestine,thebile,whichisindispensabletotheproperassimilationoffats.Openingtheliver,Ifound,insteadofagreenish-yellowsecretion,analmostcolorlessliquidwhichscarcelyaffectedthematerial

stillintheintestineandwhich,inanycase,wasquiteincapableofperformingitsdigestivefunction.Myfourthobservationhad

todowiththeinflammationofthelargeintestine,whichhadresultedinawithering,athinningandanexcessivefragilityoftheintestinalwalls,whichwereaboutasthickandasstrongascigarettepaper.Infact,theywerenolongerdigestive

tubesbutsewers,throughwhicheverythingflowed,fromoneendtotheother,inthespaceofafewminutes.Such,inoutlineform,and

reducedtoalanguageanylaymancanunderstand,aretheprincipalconclusionsofmyautopsies.ThejobIhadbeenassignedwasinrealitymonotonous,devoidofanyinterestwhatever.Thebacteriologicaltestswereprobablybeingconductedin

thevillageofRisgau,situatedaboutthreekilometersfromthecrematoriums,inthe"SSArmy'sInstituteofHygieneandBacteriology."There,therenownedProfessorMansfeld,whoheldthechairofBacteriologyatPecsMedicalSchool,wasinchargeofthework.

XVIIIwastakingmyafternoon

napwhenOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld,pushingthreeprisonersaheadofhim,enteredmyroom.HeinformedmethatDr.Mengelehadgivenmethreeassistants,andsosayinghedartedaglanceintheirdirection,hisexpressionamixtureofcynicismandpity.Theywereindeedpitifulto

behold,standingthereindirtyrags,dumbfromtheill-treatmenttowhichtheyhadbeensubjected,mortallyafraid,andfeelingbothclumsyandembarrassedbytheirchangeofenvironment.Theytoohadleftallhopebehindthemwhentheyhadpassedthroughthecrematoriumgate.Iextendedthemafriendly

andcompassionatehand.Weintroducedourselves.The

firstwhotookmyhandwasDr.DenisGorog,aphysicianandpathologistfromthestatehospitalatSzombathely.Hewasasmall,leanmanofabout45,whoworethickglasses.Hemadeafavorableimpressiononme,andIhadafeelingwewouldbecomegoodfriends.Thesecondwasamanofabout50;small,stoopedalmosttothepointofbeinghunchbacked.Hewaspot-belliedandhadamost

disagreeableface.HisnamewasAdolphFischer.FortwentyyearshehadbeenthelabassistantatthePraguePathologicalInstitute.ACzechoslovakianJew,hehadbeenaKZprisonerforfiveyears.Thethirdnewcomer,Dr.JosephKolner,wasfromNice,France,andhadbeeninternedintheKZforthreeyears.Hewasayoungmanofonly32,notatallloquacious,butmostgifted.

Dr.MengelehadfishedthemoutoftheDCampbarracksandsentthemtomesothattheever-increasingnumbersofautopsiescouldbeeffectedwithoutriskofabottleneck.Iwasstillresponsiblefortheresearchundertaken,forthekeepingoffilesandthewritingofallreportsmadeontheautopsiesperformed.Thetwodoctorsweregoingtohelpmewiththedissections,andthelab

assistant,faithfultohisprofession,wouldpreparethebodies.Hewouldopentheskulls,andextractandpreparecertainorgansforexamination.Afterthedissectionshewouldremovethebodiesfromthetableandseethatthedissectionroomandworkroomwerekeptneatandclean.SoIhadbeengiven

competent,qualifiedcollaborators,whowould

sharemyburdens.Formethiswasanundeniablerelief.

XVIIIInmyroleof

Sonderkommandodoctor,Iwasmakingmymorningrounds.Allfourcrematoriumswereworkingatfullblast.LastnighttheyhadburnedtheGreekJewsfromtheMediterraneanislandofCorfu,oneoftheoldestcommunitiesofEurope.Thevictimswerekeptfortwenty-sevendays

withoutfoodorwater,firstinlaunches,theninsealedboxcars.WhentheyarrivedatAuschwitz'sunloadingplatform,thedoorswereunlocked,butnoonegotoutandlinedupforselection.Halfofthemwerealreadydead,andtheotherhalfinacoma.Theentireconvoy,withoutexception,wassenttonumbertwocrematorium.Workwasaccelerated

duringthenight,sothatby

morningallthatremainedoftheconvoywasapileofdirty,disheveledclothesinthecrematoriumcourtyard.Igazedsadlyatthehillofragswhich,littlebylittle,grewwetandsoggybeneathafineautumnrain.Glancingupward,Inoticedthatthefourlightningrodsplacedatthecornersofthecrematoriumchimneysweretwistedandbent,theresultofthepreviousnight'shigh

temperatures.Today,duringmyrounds,a

seriouscaseawaitedmeinnumberfour.OneoftheSonderkommandochauffeurshadtriedtocommitsuicidebytakinganoverdoseofsleepingtablets.ThiswasthemostcommonmethodofcommittingsuicideatAuschwitz.ThemenoftheSonderkommandohadnotroubleprocuringsleepingtablets,fortheyfoundlarge

numbersofthemeverydaywhentheywentthroughthebelongingsofthedead.Approachinghisbed,Iwas

movedandchagrinedtoseethatthepatientwasnoneotherthanthe"Captain."Thatwaswhateveryonecalledhim,fornooneknewwhathisrealnamewas.AnativeofAthens,hehadbeenacaptainintheregulararmyandtutortothechildrenoftheroyalfamilyofGreece.

Hewasapolite,intelligentman,withthreeyearsofKZbehindhim.Hiswifeandchildrenhadbeensenttothegaschamberassoonastheyhadarrived.Now,havinglostconsciousness,hewassleepingpeacefully.Hehadprobablytakenthesleepingtabletsseveralhoursearlier,andyetIfoundthat,forthemomentatleast,hewasinnorealdanger.ThemenoftheSonderkommandogrouped

aroundhisbedaskedmesoftly,andwithresignation,"toletthecaptaingo.""Don'tsavehim,"oneof

themsaid."You'llonlybeprolongingtheagony.Andyoucanseeforyourselfhewantedtoescapeitnow,insteadofwaitingforthefiringsquadinafewweeks."Othersofferedmuchthe

sameargument,butIsilentlywentaboutpreparingmyinstruments.Seeingthattheir

argumentshadhadnoeffect,andthatIwaspreparingtoinjecttheantidote,someofthemenlosttheirtempersandsparednowordsastheytoldmewhattheythoughtofmyaction.NeverthelessIfinishedtheinjectionsandlefttheroom.Unlesshecontractedpneumoniaduringthenextfiveorsixdays,theCaptainwouldlive.Thenforseveralweekshewouldcontinuetostokethefurnaces

thatburnedthebodiesofthousandsuponthousandsofhisfellowmen,torturedandkilledbygas.TillonedaytheSonderkommando'sfinalhourwouldtoll,andheandhiscompanionswouldlineupoutsidethecrematorium.Amachine-gunblastandallwouldbeover.Heandtheotherswouldfall,theireyesfilledwithhorrorandastonishment.NowthatIwasnolonger

besidehisbed,nowthathisfacenolongercalledforththedoctorinme,thepurelyhumansideofmynaturewasforcedtoadmitthattheCaptain'sfriendshadbeenright.Ishouldhave"lethimgohisway,"notinfrontofthecoldsteelbarrelofamachinegun,butinthepleasantnarcosisthatnowenvelopedhim,wherehewasfreefromallmoralandphysicalpain.

Ifinishedmyroundsandreturnedtonumberone.Iglancedaroundthedissectionroomandsawthatmynewcolleagueswerebusyworking,withthezealofneophytes,onthedysentery-rackedbodiesprovidedbyDr.Wolff.Theywerecleanshavenandwerewearingspotlesssmocks,newclothesanddecentshoes.Theylookedhumanagain.Toseethemstandingaroundthe

dissectiontableintheirwhitesmocksandrubbergloves,anyoneunacquaintedwiththeworkthatwentonheremighteasilyhavetakenthistobethelaboratoryanddissectingroomofsomeseriousscientificinstitute.ButIwhohadworkedhereforthreemonthsknewthatitwasnotaninstituteofscience,butofpseudoscience.Liketheethnologicalstudies,likethenotionsofaMasterRace,Dr.

Mengele'sresearchintotheoriginsofdualbirthswasnothingmorethanapseudoscience.Justasfalsewasthetheoryconcerningthedegeneracyofthedwarfsandcripplessenttothebutchers,inordertodemonstratetheinferiorityoftheJewishrace.Tobesure,allthiswasnottobepropagatedimmediately,fortheGermanpeoplewerenotyetreadytoswallowit.Butwhentheraceof

Supermenhadachievedfinalvictory,havingwonthewarandacquiredtheterritoryvitaltoitsneeds,thentheskeletonsofthesecripplesanddwarfswhohadbeenmurderedherewouldbeputondisplayinthespacioushallsofgreatmuseums,alongwithadescriptiveplaquegivingtheirname,age,nationality,occupation,etc.Then,ontheanniversaryofVictoryDay,thousandsof

studentsofthisThirdReich,builttoendureathousandyears,wouldbeledthroughthesehallsbytheirprofessors,topayhomagetotheirillustriousforebears.Theirforebearswho,bythisvictory,andtherealizationofthesacredmissionwhichHistoryhadentrustedtotheMasterRace,hadpushedthesurroundingpeoples—French,Belgians,Russians,Poles—intotheniches

correspondingtotheirinferiority.Betterstill,theywouldhavecompletelyannihilatedoneEuropeanpeople,theJews,whohadalonghistorybehindthem,ahistoryof6,000years,butwhohadnorighttoexistafewcenturieslonger.Why?BecauseinthecourseofitslonghistorytheJewishracehaddegeneratedintoapeopleofdwarfsandcripples.Bymixingwithotherraces,they

hadsullied,andthreatenedtocontaminatewithdegeneracy,theonlypurerace:theAryan.Becauseoftheirblood,the

Jewswereharmfultothatgreatrace.Moreover,theyweredangerousbecausetheirteachers,theirartists,theirmerchantsandfinanciershadbecomesopowerfultheythreatenedtoenslavethewholeofEurope.BydestroyingthisracetheThirdReich'sfirstFuhrerhadgiven

hisnameimmortalstature,andgainedtherespectandgratitudeofallthecivilizednationsoftheworld.Itwasonthebasisofthese

nonsensicaltheoriesthattheNaziswagedtheirwaragainsttherestoftheworldanddestroyed,afterdeportation,literallyallofEurope'sJews,downtothelastborn,sucklingbabe.EverythinginGermany

wasfalse.Theycalledthis

waracrusade.IntheireyesthewholeofRussiawasasavagesteppe,peopledbyMongolianbarbarians,themselvesathreattocivilization.Francewasasyphiliticnation,wellonitswaytodissolution.TheEnglish,fromtheirPrimeMinisterondown,wereallincurablealcoholics,sufferingforthemostpartfromdeliriumtremens.WhiletheJapanese,ontheother

hand,whommostpeoplewouldbeinclinedtoclassifyasMongolians,wereconsideredrespectableAryans,becausetheexigenciesofthemomentdemandedit.Theirwholeoutlookonlife

wasalie.TheirdaughtersandwarwidowscouldbearchildrenbyanymanandreceivethethanksoftheStatefordoingso.Childrensoborncouldtakethenametheir

motherchoseforthemfromamongthenamesofthosemen,oftennumerous,towhomshehadgivenherself.Themultiplicationoftheracedemandedit.Theircynicismwascompleteandterrible:details,likethelyingsignsoutsidetheundergroundchambersofthecrematoriumsthatannouncedinsevenlanguages,"Baths,"whereasinrealitytheyweregaschambers;theboxesof

cyclongas,5whichwerelabeled,"Poison:fortheDestructionofParasites,"theparasitesbeing,ofcourse,theuntoldthousandsofinnocentJewsmurderedinthespaceofafewminutes.Whoknowsjusthowfartheliewent?PerhapsindeedthesignsontheKZ'selectricbarbedwirealsolied;perhapstherewasreallyno6,000-voltcurrentrunningthroughit.Butno,

thatwasnolie,forIrememberedhavingseenOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld'sgiantwolfhoundrunintothefenceoneday,atapointnotfarfromthecrematoriumgate,anddieinstantly,electrocuted.Whileonthesubjectof

signs,Ishouldnotforgettomentiontheone,readbyallprisoners,thatwaspostedattheentranceofthecamp.Itexhortedthemwiththese

words:"FreedomThroughWork."Hereisaconcreteexampleofwhatthosewordsreallymeant.OnedayalineofboxcarsstoppedattheAuschwitzunloadingplatform.Thedoorsslidopenand300prisonersclimbeddown.Theirskinwasalemonyellowcolor,andtheywereemaciatedbeyondalldescription.WhentheyenteredthecrematoriumcourtyardIhadachanceto

conversewithsomeofthem.Thisistheessenceofwhattheysaid:"Threemonthsagowe

wereshippedawayfromAuschwitztoworkinafactorythatmanufacturessulphuricacid.Whenwelefttherewere3,000ofus,butmanydiedofvariousandsundryillnesses.Nowonly300ofusareleft,andwe'reallsufferingfromsulphuricpoisoning."

Theyhadbeentold,beforebeingsentbackhere,thattheywouldbesentforacuretoarestcamp.HalfanhourlaterIsawtheirblood-spatteredbodieslyinginfrontofthecrematoriumovens."Freedomthroughwork!""Restcamp!"Howdiaboliccanoneget?Andthatisjustoneofmanyexamples.Tociteanother:duringthemonthsofJuneandJulythousandsofpostcardswere

distributedtotheinmatesofovercrowdedbarracks,withinstructionsthattheybesenttofriendsoracquaintancesoftheprisoners.Itwasstrictlyspecifiedthatthecardsshouldinnocircumstancesbeheadedeither"Auschwitz"or"Birkenau,"but"AmWaldsee,"whichisaresorttownlocatednotfarfromtheSwissborder.Thecardsweredulysent,andnumerousrepliescameback.Isaw

theserepliesburned,some50,000ofthemaccordingtoreliablereports,onapyresetupinthemiddleofthecrematoriumcourtyard.Tohavedistributedthemtotheaddresseeswasquiteoutofthequestion,forthelatterhadprecededtheformer,thatis,theaddresseeshadbeenburnedbeforetheletters.Thatisthewaythematterhadbeenarranged.Thepurposeofthislittleschemehadbeen

toallaythefearsofthepublicatlargeandputanendtotherumorsthatwererifeconcerningcampslikeAuschwitz.

XIXInnumberone

crematorium'sgaschamber3,000deadwerepiledup.TheSonderkommandohadalreadybeguntountanglethelatticeofflesh.Thenoiseoftheelevatorsandthesoundoftheirclangingdoorsreachedmyroom.Theworkmovedaheaddouble-time.Thegaschambershadtobecleared,forthearrivalofanew

convoyhadbeenannounced.Thechiefofthegas

chamberkommandoalmosttorethehingesoffthedoortomyroomashearrivedoutofbreath,hiseyeswidewithfearorsurprise."Doctor,"hesaid,"come

quickly.Wejustfoundagirlaliveatthebottomofthepileofcorpses."Igrabbedmyinstrument

case,whichwasalwaysready,anddashedtothegas

chamber.Againstthewall,neartheentranceoftheimmenseroom,halfcoveredwithotherbodies,Isawagirlinthethroesofadeath-rattle,herbodyseizedwithconvulsions.Thegaskommandomenaroundmewereinastateofpanic.Nothinglikethishadeverhappenedinthecourseoftheirhorriblecareer.Weremovedthestill-living

bodyfromthecorpses

pressingagainstit.Igatheredthetinyadolescentbodyintomyarmsandcarrieditbackintotheroomadjoiningthegaschamber,wherenormallythegaskommandomenchangeclothesforwork.Ilaidthebodyonabench.Afrailyounggirl,almostachild,shecouldhavebeennomorethanfifteen.Itookoutmysyringeand,takingherarm—shehadnotyetrecoveredconsciousnessand

wasbreathingwithdifficulty—Iadministeredthreeintravenousinjections.Mycompanionscoveredherbodywhichwasascoldasicewithaheavyovercoat.Onerantothekitchentofetchsometeaandwarmbroth.Everybodywantedtohelp,asifshewerehisownchild.Thereactionwasswift.The

childwasseizedbyafitofcoughing,whichbroughtupathickglobuleofphlegmfrom

herlungs.Sheopenedhereyesandlookedfixedlyattheceiling.Ikeptaclosewatchforeverysignoflife.Herbreathingbecamedeeperandmoreandmoreregular.Herlungs,torturedbythegas,inhaledthefreshairavidly.Herpulsebecameperceptible,theresultoftheinjections.Iwaitedimpatiently.Theinjectionshadnotyetbeencompletelyabsorbed,butIsawthat

withinafewminutesshewasgoingtoregainconsciousness:hercirculationbegantobringcolorbackintohercheeks,andherdelicatefacebecamehumanagain.Shelookedaroundherwith

astonishment,andglancedatus.Shestilldidnotrealizewhatwashappeningtoher,andwasstillincapableofdistinguishingthepresent,ofknowingwhethershewasdreamingorreallyawake.A

veilofmistcloudedherconsciousness.Perhapsshevaguelyrememberedatrain,alonglineofboxcarswhichhadbroughtherhere.Thenshehadlinedupforselectionand,beforesheknewwhatwashappening,beensweptalongbythecurrentofthemassintoalarge,brilliantlylightedundergroundroom.Everythinghadhappenedsoquickly.Perhapssherememberedthateveryone

hadhadtoundress.Theimpressionhadbeendisagreeable,buteverybodyhadyieldedresignedlytotheorder.Andso,naked,shehadbeensweptalongintoanotherroom.Muteanguishhadseizedthemall.Thesecondroomhadalsobeenlightedbypowerfullamps.Completelybewildered,shehadlethergazewanderoverthemasshuddledthere,butfoundnoneofherfamily.Pressedclose

againstthewall,shehadwaited,herheartfrozen,forwhatwasgoingtohappen.Allofasuddenthelightshadgoneout,leavingherenvelopedintotaldarkness.Somethinghadstunghereyes,seizedherthroat,suffocatedher.Shehadfainted.Therehermemoriesceased.Hermovementswere

becomingmoreandmoreanimated;shetriedtomove

herhands,herfeet,toturnherheadleftandright.Herfacewasseizedbyafitofconvulsions.Suddenlyshegraspedmycoatcollarandgrippeditconvulsively,tryingwithallhermighttoraiseherself.Ilaidherbackdownagainseveraltimes,butshecontinuedtorepeatthesamegesture.Littlebylittle,however,shegrewcalmandremainedstretchedout,completelyexhausted.Large

tearsshoneinhereyesandrolleddownhercheeks.Shewasnotcrying.Ireceivedthefirstreplytomyquestions.Notwantingtotireher,Iaskedonlyafew.Ilearnedthatshewassixteenyearsold,andthatshehadcomewithherparentsinaconvoyfromTransylvania.Thekommandogavehera

bowlofhotbroth,whichshedrankvoraciously.Theykeptbringingherallsortsof

dishes,butIcouldnotallowthemtogiveheranything.Icoveredhertoherheadandtoldherthatsheshouldtryandgetsomesleep.Mythoughtsmovedata

dizzypace.Iturnedtowardsmycompanionsinthehopeoffindingasolution.Werackedourbrains,forwewerenowfacetofacewiththemostdifficultproblem:whattodowiththegirlnowthatshehadbeenrestoredto

life?Weknewthatshecouldnotremainhereforverylong.Whatcouldonedowitha

younggirlinthecrematorium'sSonderkommando?Iknewthepasthistoryoftheplace:noonehadevercomeoutofherealive,eitherfromtheconvoysorfromtheSonderkommando.Littletimeremainedfor

reflection.OberschaarfuhrerMussfeldarrivedtosupervise

thework,aswashiswont.Passingbytheopendoor,hesawusgatheredinagroup.Hecameinandaskeduswhatwasgoingon.Evenbeforewetoldhimhehadseenthegirlstretchedoutonthebench.Imadeasignformy

companionstowithdraw.IwasgoingtoattemptsomethingIknewwithoutsayingwasdoomedtofailure.Threemonthsinthesame

campandinthesamemilieuhadcreated,inspiteofeverything,acertainintimacybetweenus.Besides,theGermansgenerallyappreciatecapablepeople,and,aslongastheyneedthem,respectthemtoacertainextent,evenintheKZ.Suchwasthecaseforcobblers,tailors,joinersandlocksmiths.Fromournumerouscontacts,IhadbeenabletoascertainthatMussfeldhadahighesteem

forthemedicalexpert'sprofessionalqualities.Heknewthatmysuperior

wasDr.Mengele,theKZ'smostdreadedfigure,who,goadedbyracialpride,tookhimselftobeoneofthemostimportantrepresentativesofGermanmedicalscience.HeconsideredthedispatchofhundredsofthousandsofJewstothegaschambersasapatrioticduty.Theworkcarriedoninthedissecting

roomwasforthefurtheranceofGermanmedicalscience.AsDr.Mengele'spathologicalexpert,Ialsohadahandinthisprogress,andthereinlaytheexplanationforacertainformofrespectthatMussfeldpaidme.Heoftencametoseemeinthedissectingroom,andweconversedonpolitics,themilitarysituationandvariousothersubjects.Itappearedthathisrespectalsoarose

fromthefactthatheconsideredthedissectionofbodiesandhisbloodyjobofkillingtobealliedactivities.Hewasthecommandantandaceshotofnumberonecrematorium.ThreeotherSSactedashislieutenants.Togethertheycarriedoutthe"liquidation"byabulletinthebackoftheneck.Thistypeofdeathwasreservedforthosewhohadbeenchoseninthecamp,orelsesentfrom

anotherontheirwaytoaso-called"restcamp."Whenthereweremerely500orless,theywerekilledbyabulletinthebackoftheneck,forthelargefactoryofgaschamberswasreservedfortheannihilationofmoreimportantnumbers.Asmuchgaswasneededtokill500astokill3,000.NorwasitworthwhiletocallouttheRedCrosstrucktobringthecanistersandgasbutchersfor

suchatriflingnumberofvictims.Norwasitworththetroubleofhavingatruckcometocollecttheclothes,whichwerescarcelymorethanragsanyway.Suchwerethefactorswhichdeterminedwhetheragroupwoulddiebygasorbyabulletinthebackoftheneck.AndthiswasthemanIhad

todealwith,themanIhadtotalkintoallowingasinglelifetobespared.Icalmlyrelated

theterriblecasewefoundourselvesconfrontedwith.Idescribedforhisbenefitwhatpainsthechildmusthavesufferedintheundressingroom,andthehorriblescenesthatprecededdeathinthegaschamber.Whentheroomhadbeenplungedintodarkness,shehadbreathedinafewlungfulsofcyclongas.Onlyafew,though,forherfragilebodyhadgivenwayunderthepushingandshovingofthe

massastheyfoughtagainstdeath.Bychanceshehadfallenwithherfaceagainstthewetconcretefloor.Thatbitofhumidityhadkeptherfrombeingasphyxiated,forcyclongasdoesnotreactunderhumidconditions.Theseweremyarguments,

andIaskedhimtodosomethingforthechild.Helistenedtomeattentively,thenaskedmeexactlywhatIproposeddoing.Isawbyhis

expressionthatIhadputhimfacetofacewithapracticallyimpossibleproblem.Itwasobviousthatthechildcouldnotremaininthecrematorium.Onesolutionwouldhavebeentoputherinfrontofthecrematoriumgate.Akommandoofwomenalwaysworkedthere.Shecouldhaveslippedinamongthemandaccompaniedthembacktothecampbarracksaftertheyhadfinishedwork.

Shewouldneverrelatewhathadhappenedtoher.Thepresenceofonenewfaceamongsomanythousandswouldneverbedetected,fornooneinthecampknewalltheotherinmates.Ifshehadbeenthreeor

fouryearsolderthatmighthaveworked.Agirloftwentywouldhavebeenabletounderstandclearlythemiraculouscircumstancesofhersurvival,andhaveenough

foresightnottotellanyoneaboutthem.Shewouldwaitforbettertimes,likesomanyotherthousandswerewaiting,torecountwhatshehadlivedthrough.ButMussfeldthoughtthatayounggirlofsixteenwouldinallnaivetetellthefirstpersonshemetwhereshehadjustcomefrom,whatshehadseenandwhatshehadlivedthrough.Thenewswouldspreadlikewildfire,andwewouldallbe

forcedtopayforitwithourlives."There'snowayofgetting

roundit,"hesaid,"thechildwillhavetodie."Halfanhourlaterthe

younggirlwasled,orrathercarried,intothefurnaceroomhallway,andthereMussfeldsentanotherinhisplacetodothejob.Abulletinthebackoftheneck.

XXNextdoortotheSSliving

quarters,onthesecondstoryofnumbertwocrematorium,wasacarpenter'sshop,wherethreecarpenterspliedtheirtrade,fulfillinganyandallrequeststhatweresenttothem.Forthemomenttheywerebusyfillinga"privateorder."OberschaarfuhrerMussfeld,takingadvantageoftheopportunity,had

orderedthecarpenterstomakehima"recamier,"asortofdoublebedthatcouldalsoserveasalargesofa.Itwastobecompletedasquicklyaspossible.Itwasnoeasyjob,butin

thecrematoriumstherewasnosuchwordas"impossible"whenanorderwasgiven.Thecarpentershadsalvagedthenecessarywoodfromamongtheconstructionmaterialsscatteredaboutthe

crematoriumgrounds.Thespringshadcomefromtheeasychairsthatcertaindeporteeshadbroughtwiththemtomakethejourneymorecomfortablefortheirailingparents.Therewerehundredsoftheseabandonedchairsinthecrematoriumcourtyardandweusedtositinthemafterworktorestawhileandcatchafewbreathsoffreshair.Sotherecamierwasbuilt

accordingtoinstructions.Formeithadbecomeanobjectofcuriosity.Ihadfollowedallphasesofitsconstructionandseenitcompleted.Ihadwatchedtheminstallthespringsandcoverthemwitheleganttapestries.TwoFrenchelectricianshadinstalledabedlampandarrangedanicheforaradio.Afterithadbeenvarnisheditwasquitehandsome.Inasmallbourgeoishomein

Mannheimitwouldlookevenbetterthanitdidupintheuninvitingcrematoriumloft.Fortherecamierwastobesent,attheendoftheweek,toMussfeld'shomeatMannheim.ThereitwouldwaittillthevictoriousOber,backfromthetryingwars,coulduseittoresthiswearybones.Oneday,theweekpriorto

itsshipment,Iwasinmyroomandsawahalfdozen

silkpajamas—anaturalsupplementfortherecamier—waitingtojointhepackage.Theywereoffineimportedsilkandwouldcertainlyhavebeenunobtainableontheoutside,whererationticketswereneededforeventhemostessentialitems.TheKZalsohaditsrationsystem,amuchbetteronethanthatinforcethroughoutGermany,foritfurnishedthosewhousedit

withanyitemtheydesired.Intheundressingroomthegoodsweretherewaitingtobetaken.Itonlytookonepointperitem,apointofflamefromtheObefsgun,sendingabulletintothebackoftheowner'sneck.Inexchangeforthese

"points"theSSofficialsreceivedjewelry,leathergoods,furcoats,silksandfineshoes.Notaweekwentbywithouttheirsending

somepackageshome.Inthepackagesthathad

beensentonefound,besidestheluxuryitemsalreadymentioned,tea,coffee,chocolate,andcannedgoodsbythehundreds,allofwhichwerealsoobtainableintheundressingroom.ThustheOberhadconceivedtheideaofhavingarecamierconstructedandsenthome.AsIwatched,daybyday,

thefinalphasesofits

construction,anideabegantotakeshapeinmymind.Littlebylittletheideatransformeditselfintoaproject.InafewweekstheSonderkommandowouldbeathingofthepast.Wewouldallperishhere,andwewerewellawareofit.Wehadevengrownusedtotheidea,forweknewtherewasnowayout.Onethingupsetmehowever.ElevenSonderkommandosquadshadalreadyperishedandtaken

withthemtheterriblesecretofthecrematoriumsandtheirbutchers.Eventhoughwedidnotsurvive,itwasourboundendutytomakecertainthattheworldlearnedoftheunimaginablecrueltyandsordidnessofapeoplewhopretendedtobesuperior.Itwasimperativethatamessageaddressedtotheworldleavethisplace.Whetheritwasdiscoveredsoonafterwards,oryears

later,itwouldstillbeaterriblemanifestoofaccusation.Thismessagewouldbesignedbyallthemembersofnumberonecrematorium'sSonderkommando,fullyconsciousoftheirimpendingdeath.CarriedbeyondthebarbedwiresofKZintherecamier,itwouldremainforthetimebeingatOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld'shomeatMannheim.

Themessagewasdraftedintime.ItdescribedinsufficientdetailthehorrorsperpetratedatAuschwitzfromthetimeofitsfoundinguntilthepresent.Thenamesofthecamp'storturerswereincluded,aswellasourestimateofthenumberofpeopleexterminated,withadescriptionofthemethodsandinstrumentsutilizedforextermination.Themessagewasdrawnup

onthreelargesheetsofparchment.TheSonderkommando'seditor,apainterfromParis,copieditinbeautifullywrittenletters,aswasthecustomwithancientmanuscripts,usingIndiainksothatthewritingwouldnotfade.ThefourthsheetcontainedthesignaturesoftheSonderkommando's200men.Thesheetswerefastenedtogetherwithasilkthread,thenrolledup,

enclosedinaspeciallyconstructedcylindricaltubemadeofzincbyoneofourtinsmiths,andfinallysealedandsolderedsoastoprotectthemanuscriptfromairandhumidity.Ourjoinersplacedthetubeintherecamier'ssprings,amongthewoolflossoftheupholstering.Anothermessage,exactly

thesame,wasburiedinthecourtyardofnumbertwocrematorium.

XXIIhadbecomeusedto

seeingatruckenterthecrematoriumgateeveryeveningaboutseveno'clock,carrying70to80menandwomenontheirwaytobeliquidated.Comingfromthebarrackshospital,theyrepresentedtheKZ'sdailyselection.Prisonersforseveralyears,oratleastforseveralmonths,theywere

fullyawareofthefateawaitingthem.Whenthetruckenteredthecourtyardthewallsresoundedwiththescreamsandcriesofthedamned.Theyknewthatatthefootofthecrematoryovensallhopeofescapedissolved.Notwantingtowitnessthat

dailyscene,Igenerallywithdrewtothemostremotecornerofthecrematoriumcourtyard,whereIsatdown

underanarborofpines.Thecracklingoftherevolversandthescreamsweredeadenedbythetimetheyreachedme.Oneevening,however,my

luckranout.Fromfiveo'clockonIwasworkinginthedissectingroom.IhadtoexaminethesuicidecaseofanSSOberschaarfuhrerwhosebodyhadbeensentmefromGleiwitz.AnSScaptain—oneofthecourt-martialjudges—andaclerksatin

onthedissection.Aboutseveno'clock,while

IwasdictatingtheaffidavittotheSSclerk,theheavytruckloadedwithprisonersenteredthecourtyard.Twowindows,barredandcoveredwithmetalmosquitonetting,lookedoutonthecrematorium'srearcourtyard.Alltheoccupantswereextremelycalm.FromthisIdeducedthattheyhadbeenselectednotoutofthe

barracks,butfromthehospitals.Theywereallseriouslyill,tooweaktoscreamoreventoclimbdownfromtheraisedplatformofthetruck.TheSSguardsbecame

excitedandbegantoshout,urgingthemtogetdown.Noonemoved.Thedriveralsobegantolosepatience.Heclimbedbackinthetruckandstartedthemotor.Littlebylittlethetruck'simmense

dumpbegantorise,tillsuddenlyitspilledtheoccupantstotheground,awrithing,slipping,franticallygraspingmass.Astheyfelltheybumpedagainsteachother,strikingtheirheads,theirfaces,theirkneesagainsttheconcrete.Thenatlastahorrible,collectivecryofpainburstforthandechoedthroughoutthecourtyard.TheSScourt-martialjudge,

drawnbythemoansand

shouts,interruptedhisinvestigationstoaskme:"What'sgoingoninthecourtyard?"Hecameovertothewindow,whereIexplainedtohimjustwhatwashappening.Apparentlyhewasnotusedtosuchscenes,forheturnedhisheadawayandsaiddisapprovingly,"Nevertheless,theyshouldn'tdothat!"TheSonderkommando

strippedthemoftheirclothesandpiledthediscardedragsinthecourtyard.ThevictimswereledintotheincinerationroomsandputinfrontoftheOberschaarfuhrer'srevolverbarrel.Mussfeldwastoday'skilleronduty.Standingneartheovens,wearingrubbergloves,heheldhisweaponwithasteadyhand.Onebyonethebodiesfell,eachyieldinghisplacetothenextinline.Withinafewminutes

hehad"tumbled"—thatwasthetermingeneralusage—theeightymen.Halfanhourlatertheyhadallbeencremated.LaterMussfeldpaidmea

visitandaskedmetogivehimaphysicalcheckup.Hesufferedfromhearttroubleandsevereheadaches.Icheckedhisbloodpressure,tookhispulse,listenedtohisheartwithastethoscope.Hispulseratewasslightlyhigh.I

gavehimmyopinion:hisconditionwasnodoubttheresultofthelittlejobhehadjustperformedinthefurnaceroom.Ihadwantedtoreassurehim,buttheresultwasjusttheopposite.Hebecameindignant,gotupandsaid:"Yourdiagnosisis

incorrect.Itdoesn'tbothermeanymoretokill100menthanitdoestokill5.IfI'mupset,it'smerelybecauseIdrinktoo

much."Andsosayingheturned

andwalkedaway,greatlydispleased.

XXIIIwasinthehabitof

readingforawhileinbedeachnightbeforeIwenttosleep.Onenight,whileIwasdoingjustthat,thelightssuddenlywentoutandtheKZalarmsirenbeganitsdismalwail.Whenevertherewasanalertweweretaken,convoyedbywell-armedSSguards,totheSonderkommandoshelter,

thatis,tothegaschamber.Wecrossedthethresholdof

thegaschamberwithheavyhearts.Thewholekommandowaspresent,200strong.Itwasaterriblefeelingtoremaininthisroom,knowingthathundredsofthousandsofpeoplehadmetafrightfulendhere.Besides,weknewthatthelifeoftheSonderkommandowasdrawingtoaclose.Thisbeingthecase,theSScouldvery

easilyhaveclosedthegaschamberdoorsanddumpedfourcasesofcyclongasdownthechimneystoliquidateusall.Asamatteroffact,such

actionwouldnothavebeenwithoutprecedent.ApartoftheeleventhSonderkommandohadbeentransferredfromtheDquartertoBarracks13,arestrictedarea,andinformedthat,uponordersfromabove,thegroup

wouldnolongerliveinthecrematoriums,buthenceforthinthisbarracks.Theywouldcontinuetoworkattheovens,however,goingintwoseparategroupsfromthebarrackstothecrematorium.ThatsameeveningtheyhadbeentakentotheDquarterforabathandachangeofclothing.Afterthebaththeyhadbeenpushedintoaneighboringroomtogetdisinfectedclothes.This

roomwasarealdisinfectingchamber,andassuchcouldbehermeticallysealed.Normally,thatwaswherethelice-filledclothescollectedinthecampweredisinfected.FourhundredmenfromtheSonderkommandowereliquidatedinthismanner.Fromthere,truckstooktheirbodiestothefuneralpyre.Thusouranxietywhile

waitingforthealerttobeoverwasnotunfounded.This

onelastedforthreehours.Thenwecameupoutofdarknesstoseethelongkilometersofbarbedwireonceagainlightedbythesearchlights,andreturnedtobed.Itriedtofallasleep,butsleepwasslowincoming.Thefollowingday,while

makingmyroundsinnumbertwocrematorium,thechiefoftheSonderkommandothereinformedmeconfidentiallythatduringthealertthe

previousnightagroupofpartisanshadslippedintothecamp.Inanout-of-the-wayspottheyhadcutthebarbedwiresurroundingthecourtyardandslippedthreemachinegunsandtwentyhandgrenadesthroughtheopening.TheSonderkommandomenhaddiscoveredthemearlythatmorningandhiddentheminasafeplace.Thisnewsgaveussome

slighthopeforthefuture.Weknewthatthehandsthathadsmuggledustheseweaponscouldnotbefaroff.FromaseriesofobservationsIwasinclinedtobelievethatthelocalundergroundwasoperatingabout25to30kilometersfromthecamp.Wehopedthat,undercoverofthenextalert,theywouldmanagetoslipussomemoreweapons.Recentlytherehadbeenalertseveryday.Butfor

ustheonlyonesthatreallycountedwerethosethatoccurredatnightandlastedarelativelylongtime,foronlythencouldouranonymousanddevotedfriendsgetclosetothecamp.Afterthreeorfoursuchalerts,wewouldperhapshaveenougharmstotryandforceourwaypasttheguards.Theorganizationforthis

futureoperationwascoordinatedbynumberthree

crematorium,andhadcontactsinalltheothers.Thewholeaffairwasbeingconductedwiththeutmostcareandcircumspection.Deathstalkedoureverymove,intheformofthelethalmachinegunsmannedbyourguards.Wewantedtolive.Wewantedtogetoutofhere.Butevenifmostofusfailedtomakeit,evenifonlyoneortwoescaped,wewouldstillhavewonout,for

therewouldthenbesomeonetotelltheworldaboutthedarkmysteriesofthesedeathfactories.Asforthosedestinedto

paywiththeirlives,atleasttheywouldnothavediedlikeworms,crushedbytheirbutchers'uncleanhands.Onthecontrary,theywouldbethefirstinthehistoryoftheKZwho,despiteoverwhelmingoddsinbothnumbersandmaterial,would

havesoweddeathanddestructionamongtheirtorturersbeforedyingproudlylikemen.

XXIIIAnnihilationtimehad

comeforthe4,500inhabitantsoftheGypsyCamp.ThemeasurestakenwerethesameasthosetakenfortheliquidationoftheCzechCamp.Allthebarrackswerequarantined.SSguards,leadingtheirpolicedogs,invadedtheGypsyquartersandchasedtheinhabitantsoutside,wheretheywere

madetolineup.Rationsofbreadandsalamiweredistributed.Thegypsiesweremadetobelievethattheywerebeingshippedtoanothercamp,andtheyswallowedthestory.Averyeasyandefficaciouswayofcalmingtheirfears.Noonethoughtofthecrematoriums,forthenwhywouldrationsoffoodhavebeendistributed?Thisstrategyonthepartof

theSSwasdictatedneitherby

pitynoraregardforthosecondemnedtodeath,butmerelybytheirdesiretoexpeditealargegroupofpeople,withoutanyunnecessaryincidentsordelays,tothegaschambers,guardedbyarelativelysmallpatrol.Thestrategyworkedtoperfection.Everythingwentoffasplanned.Throughoutthenightthechimneysofnumbersoneandtwocrematoriumssentflames

roaringskyward,sothattheentirecampwaslightedwithasinisterglow.NextdaytheGypsyCamp,

oncesonoisy,laysilentanddeserted.Theonlysoundwasthemonotonouschantofthebarbedwiresrubbingtogether,whilethedoorsandwindowsleftopenbangedandsqueakedendlesslyunderthepowerfulwindoftheVolhyniansteppes.OnceagainEurope's

pyromaniacshadorganizedagiganticdisplayoffireworks.OnceagainthesettingwastheAuschwitzconcentrationcamp.Thistime,however,thevictimsthrowntotheflameswerenotJews,butChristians:CatholicgypsiesfromGermanyandAustria.Bymorningtheirbodieshadbeentransformedintoapileofsilveryashesrisinginthecrematoriumcourtyard.Thebodiesoftwelvesetsoftwins

hadnotbeenconsignedtotheflames.Evenbeforesendingthemtothegaschamber,Dr.MengelehadmarkedaZ.S.ontheirchestswithhisspecialchalk.Inthiscollectionofbodies

thereweretwinsofallages,rangingfromnewborninfantstosixteen-year-olds.Forthemoment,thetwelvepairsofcorpseswerestretchedoutontheconcretefloorofthe"morgue."Bodiesofblack-

haired,dark-skinnedchildren.Thejobofclassifyingthembypairswasatiringone.Iwascarefulnottomixthemup,forIknewthatifIshouldrendertheserareandpreciousspecimensunusableforhisresearch,Dr.Mengelewouldmakemepayforitwithmylife.OnlyafewdaysbeforeI

hadbeensittingwithhimintheworkroom,nearthetable,lookingthroughtherecords

alreadysetupontwins,whenhenoticedafaintspotofgreaseonthebrightbluecoverofoneofthefiles.Ioftenhandledtherecordsinthecourseofmydissections,andhadprobablyspotteditwithabitofgrease.Dr.Mengeleshotawitheringglanceatmeandsaid,veryseriously:"Howcanyoubeso

carelesswiththesefiles,whichIhavecompiledwith

somuchlove!"Theword"love"hadjust

crossedDr.Mengele'slips.IwassotakenabackthatIsattheredumbfounded,unabletothinkofanythingtosayinreply.

XXIVIconductedthe

pathologicalstudyofthetwelvepairsoftwinswiththegreatestpossiblecare.Aseveryoneknows,therearetwokindsoftwins,one-eggandtwo-egg.Twinsbornofthesameeggarealwaysidentical,bothintheirinternalandexternalmanifestations,andofthesamesex.Theyarevariously

knownasidentical,uniovularormonozygotic.Twinsbornfromtwoseparateeggsresembleoneanotherinboththeirinternalandexternalcharacteristics,butratherasbrothersandsistersdo.Theyarenotperfectlyidenticaland,inabouthalfthecases,areofdifferentsexes.Theyareknownasfraternal,biovularordizygotic.Theseremarksconstitute,

medicallyspeaking,oneof

thebasiclawsofheredityconcerningtwins.Thislawhasbeenusedextensivelybythosewhoclaimthatenvironmentalfactors,suchaseducation,nutrition,theillnessesapersonmayhavesuffered,etc.,influenceonlyslightlyhisphysical,mentalandtemperamentalmakeup,whereasheredityplaysamuchmoreimportantrole.Ifthetraitsapersonhasreceivedfromhisforebears

occuragainandagainthroughoutseveralgenerations,theyareknownasdominanthereditarycharacteristics.Thesedominanthereditary

characteristicscaneitherbetotheadvantageordisadvantageoftheindividual.Forexample,agoodhealthysetofteeth,athickheadofhairthatdoesnotthinwiththeyears,orhypertensionand,insomefamilies,diabetes.

Amongthementalillnesses,nervousdepression.Thesehereditary

phenomena,whethertheyareadvantageousordisadvantageous,oftenappearatbirth:achildbornwithtoomanyfingersortoeswouldbeanexample.Otherphenomenadeveloplateronandbecomechronicillnesses,suchasepilepsy,asthma,gout,certainformsofhypertension,afewcasesof

cancer,andthesenilecataractoftheocularlens,thislastoccurringonlyinpeoplesixtyorolder.Amongthesehereditary

phenomenaonesometimesfindsthispeculiarity,thattheyoccurmoreofteninonesexthanintheother.Daltonism,orcongenitalcolorblindness,andanemiaaretwoofthemostfrequentmanifestationsofthesehereditaryphenomena

definedbysex.Bothoftheseillnessesappearonlyinmales,neverinfemales.Anemiaisthemostobviousexample:themostcommonhereditaryformofanemiaisthatwhichhaspassedfromananemicgrandfatherthroughahealthydaughtertohalfthemalegrandchildren.Malechildrenneverinherititdirectlyfromananemicfather.Eachmalechildandallofhisdescendentswill

remainhealthy,whethertheybemaleorfemale.Butthefemalechildrenofananemicfatherwill,thoughinthemselveshealthy,carrytheseedsofanemia,andeachoftheirdaughterswilltransmittheseedstotheirmaleoffspring.Ihadthebodiesofapairof

fifteen-year-oldtwinsbeforemeonthedissectiontable.Ibeganaparallelandcomparativedissectionofthe

twobodies.Nothingparticularlynoteworthyabouttheheads.Thenextphasewastheremovalofthesternum.Hereanextremelyinterestingphenomenonappeared:apersistentthymus,thatis,athymusglandthatcontinuedtosubsist.Normallythethymusisfoundonlyinchildren.Itextendsfromtheupperedgeofthesternumtotheheart,thuscoveringafairlylarge

area.Withpubertyitbeginstowitherrapidlyandsoondisappearscompletely.Oncesexualmaturityhasbeenattained,allthatisleftofitisasmallpocketoffat,plustheremainsofthefibroustissuesoftheformergland.Thethymushasagreat

influenceongrowth.Whenitwitherstoorapidly,theindividualwillbesmall,perhapsevenadwarf,andbesides,histibularboneswill

beveryfragile.Overdevelopment,orhypersecretionofthegland,isoftenfoundduringtheautopsyofchildrenwhohavediedsuddenlyfornoapparentreason,withouthavingbeenill.Hypersecretionisalsofrequentlyfoundinyoungpeoplewhoprovetobeexcessivelyvulnerabletoinfectiousdiseases.Thusthediscoveryofthe

thymusglandinthetwin

brotherswasofconsiderableinterest,fornotonlywasitstillextanthereinthesefifteen-year-olds,whereasitshouldhavedisappearedattheageoftwelve,butitwas,besides,abnormallylarge.Idissectedtwoothersetsoftwins,oneoffifteenyearsofageandtheotherofsixteen,andfoundthethymuswitheredinbothcases.Fromeachoftheeight

identicaltwinsIextractedthe

cervicalpartofthespinalcolumn.Thefourthandfifthvertebraepresentedananomaly:thesevertebraehadnotclosedupattheageoftwelveorthirteen,butremainedopen,eveninthecaseofthefifteen-andsixteen-year-oldtwins.Thisanomaly,called"spinabifide,"isapathologicalstatewhoseconsequencescanbeextremelyserious.Anindividualdevelopsin

bothdirectionsofthespinalcolumn,thatis,upwardtowardsthecraniumanddownwardtowardsthepelvis,orrather,thecaudalbone.Developmentiscalledcranialorcaudal,dependingonthepredominanttendency.Inthepresentcasethetendencywascranialforallthetwins,sincethe"spinabifide"andthetransversebonewhichhadremainedopenweredegeneratephenomena.

AnotheranomalyIfoundinthefivepairsoftwinswasthenon-fixationofthetenthrib.Normally,thisribisattachedtothesternum.Thefactthatitwas"floating"resultedfromanirregularityofthespinalcolumn'sgrowthinthepelvicdirection.Icommittedthesecurious

observationstopaper,inamuchmorepreciseandscientificmannerthanIhaveemployedtodescribethem

here,formydissectionreport.LaterIspentalongafternoonindeepdiscussionwithDr.Mengele,tryingtoclearupacertainnumberofdoubtfulpoints.InthedissectionroomandlaboratoryIwasnolongerahumbleKZprisoner,andIconsequentlydefendedandexplainedmypointofviewasthoughthiswereamedicalconferenceofwhichIwereafull-fledgedmember.IcontradictedDr.Mengeleon

severaloccasions,andcompletelydisagreedwithoneofhishypotheses.Iknowmen,anditseemed

tomethatmyfirmattitude,mymeasuredsentences,andevenmysilenceswerethequalitiesbywhichIhadsucceededinmakingDr.Mengele,beforewhomtheSSthemselvestrembled,offermeacigaretteinthecourseofaparticularlyanimateddiscussion,provingheforgot

foramomentthecircumstancesofourrelationship.

XXVOncewhenIwasdissecting

thebodyofafairlyoldman,Idiscoveredsomeverybeautifulgallstonesinthebladder.KnowingthatDr.Mengelewasanardentcollectorofsuchitems,Iwashedthestones,driedthem,andthenarrangedtheminalarge-neckedflask,stopperedwithaglasscork.Istuckalabelontheflask,

givingtheperson'sname,thekindofstonestheywere,andtheirpathologicalcharacteristics.Duringhisvisitnextday,IgavethemtoDr.Mengele.Headmiredthebeautifulcrystals.Turningtheflaskroundandround,helookedatthegallstonesandthen,turningabruptlytome,askedifIknewtheballadofthewarriorWallenstein.Hisquestionwascompletelyoutofkeepingwiththe

surroundings,butIanswered:"IknowthestoryofthewarriorWallenstein,butnottheballad."Whereupon,smiling,hebegantorecite:"ImBesitzederFamilie

Wallenstein1stmehrGallenstein,wie

Edelstein."which,translatedinto

English,wouldgosomethinglike:"IntheWallensteinfamilyTherearemoregallstones

thanpreciousstones."Mysuperiorrecitedseveral

stanzasofthatcomicballad.HewasinsuchagoodmoodthatIdecidedtoaskagreatfavorofhim:thatheletmegolookformywifeandchild.OnlyafterIhadutteredtherequestdidIrealizehowdaringitwas:butitwasalreadytoolate.Helookedatmewithastonishment."You'remarriedandhavea

child?""Yes,Captain,I'mmarried

andhaveafifteen-year-olddaughter,"Itoldhim,myvoicebreakingwithemotion."Doyouthinktheyarestill

here?"heasked."Yes,Captain,becauseat

ourarrivalthreemonthsagoyouselectedthemandsentthemtotheright-handcolumn.""Theymayhavesincebeen

sentontoanothercamp,"he

said.SuddenlyIthoughtofthecrematoriumsmoke:perhapstheyhadsincebeendispatchedwiththatsmoketosomecelestialcamp.Dr.Mengele,whowasseated,hisheadbentforward,seemedlostinthought.Iremainedstandingbehindhim."I'mgoingtogiveyoua

passtogolookforthem,but..."andplacinghisforefingeronhislips,helookedatmemenacingly.

"Iunderstand,Captain,andthankyou."Dr.Mengeleleft.Ireturned

tomyroom,completelyelated,holdingthepassinmyhand.OncethereIbegantoreadit:"NumberA8450isauthorizedtocirculatefreelywithintheconfinesoftheAuschwitzKZ.Signed:Dr.Mengele,SSHauptsturmfuhrer."Nevertomyknowledgehadanything

likethishappenedinthehistoryofthecamp.Ididnotknowquitewheretobegin.ThewomenwerequarteredintheC,B3andFK4Camps.AsfarasIknew,mostoftheHungarianwomenwereinCCamp.Idecidedtotrytherefirst.ThefollowingdayIgotup

stilltired,nothavingsleptawinkallnight.Terribledoubtsassailedme.Here,

wherethreemonthswasaneternity,somanythingscouldhavehappenedtothem.MypositionintheKZhadmademerealizeonlytoowelleverythingthatwentoninsidethesebloodywalls.IenteredtheSSofficeto

announcemydeparture,andbidmycomradesgoodbye.Theywishedmeluck.Althoughitwasstillearly,

thewhiteAugustsunwasalreadyscorchinghotwhenI

setoutonmythreekilometerjourney.Asthecrowflies,CCampwasconsiderablycloser,butIhadtokeepwithinthefences,andwasthereforeobligedtomakenumerousdetours.Filledwithamixtureofdreadandcuriosity,Isetoutthroughtheneutralzone,whichwasborderedbyelectrifiedfences.Theyneverfiredonyouwithoutwarningwhenyoupassedthroughthemaze

ofwires.Motorcyclepatrolsrodebywithsignshungroundtheirnecksreading:"Lagerpolizei":"CampPolice."Imetseveralofthemonmyway,butnonemolestedme.ReachingCCamp,Isawan

immenseirongateloomingbeforeme,whosetwowingsborenumerousporcelaininsulators,reinforcedbybarbedwire.Infrontofthegate,theinevitableguard

house.SomeSSsoldierswerebaskinginthesun.Theylookedmeupanddown,forIwasanunusualguest,butsaidnothing.Theydidnotbotheraboutbusinessthatconcernedonlytheircomradeseatedneartheguardhousewindow.Iapproachedthelatterand

gavehimmytattoonumber.Helookedatmeexpectantly.ItookDr.Mengele'spassfrommypocketandhandedit

tohim.Afterperusingit,heorderedhiscomradestoopenthegates,thenaskedmehowlongIwantedtostayinside,for,asalways,hehadtorecorditinhisregister."Untilnoon,"Isaidevenly.

Twohourswasagreatdealtoask,butthecustomarybribeofapackageofcigaretteswassufficienttogethisassent.Ihandedhimapackandpassedthroughthegate.ThemainroadofCCamp,

borderedbydilapidated,fadedgreenbarracks,wasanimated.Awoman'sdetailwascarryingalargeironcaskfilledwithhotsoup,forherethenoonmealwasdistributedat10o'clock.Anothergroup—ahighwaykommando—wasbusilyengagedcarryingstonesforrepairingthecamproads.Severalwomenwerestretchedoutinthesunalongbothsidesofthismainthoroughfare.Theirbodies

wereclothedinrags,theirheadswereshaven;theywereindeedapitifulsighttobehold.Manyweredressedinthemostfantasticclothing—onewaswearingasleevelesseveninggown—andwereseatedontheground,busydelousingthemselvesortheircompanions.Theexposedpartsoftheirbodieswerecoveredwithfoul,oozingsores.Itwasfromthissectionthatconvoyswerechosento

besenttocampsfartheraway.AsfarasIcouldtelltheselectionshadbeenverycarefullymade,forallthoselefthereappearedtobetheveryweakest.Luckyweretheywhohadbeensenttomoredistantcamps,fortheystillhadachanceofsurviving,whereasthefateofthosestillherewassealed,afateidenticaltothatoftheGypsyCamp.Iheadedtowardsthefirst

barracks.Fromallsidescriesandshoutsgreetedme.Thosewhohadseeminglybeenmerebundlesofragslyingonthegroundorcrawlingonallfoursrevivedand,leavingtheirplaces,rantowardsme.Aboutthirtyofthemhadrecognizedmeandcrowdedaroundaskinganxiouslyfornewsoftheirhusbandsandchildren.Iftheyhadbeenableto

recognizemeitwasbecauseI

hadmanagedtoliveinsuchawaythatIstilllookedlikeahumanbeing.Butitwasalmostimpossibleformetorecognizethem,sogreatlyhadtheychanged.Mysituationinthemiddleoftheclamoringcrowdwasbecomingembarrassing.Inever-increasingnumberstheycrowdedaroundme.Everyonewantedtolearnsomethingaboutherfamily.Forthreemonthstheyhad

beenlivingunderanimpossibleregimeandinconstantfear.Hereselectiontookplaceonceaweek.Threemonthshadbeenlongenoughforthemtohavelearnedtoregretthepastandfearthefuture.Thewomenaskedmeif

everythingtheyhadheardaboutthecrematoriumswastrue.Whatwasthesmokeyousawpouringfromthechimneysduringtheday,and

theflamesthatreplaceditatnight?Itriedtoreassurethem,denyingeverything."It'snottrue,"Irepeated

aftereachoftheirquestionsandsurmises."Besides,thewarisalmostoverandsoonwe'llallbebackhome."Isaiditwithoutreallybelievingitmyself.Ileftthemwithouthaving

learnedanynewsofmywifeanddaughter.Ienteredthefirstbarracksandaskedthe

overseer,ayoungSlovakiangirl,tohavethenamesofmywifeanddaughtercalledout.Therewerebetween800and1,000womenstackedoneabovetheotherontheberthsthatlinedthewallsofeverybarracks.Tohavethenamescalledoutherewasnoteasy.Thenoiseofthethousandwomendrownedthesinglevoice.Theoverseerreturnedafewminuteslatertotellmethathersearchhadproved

fruitless.Ithankedherforherkindnessandenteredthesecondbarracks.Herethesituationwas

muchthesame;thesamescenewasrepeatedwithlikeresults.Iwasinthethirdbarracks,standinginthemiddleoftheroom.AgainIhadtheoverseercalledandaskedhertohavemywifeanddaughtersentfor.Shesenttwolittlegirlsdowneachsideofthebarracks;they

stoppedateachlayerofbunksandcalledoutthenames.Inafewminutestheyreturnedbringingmywifeanddaughterwiththem!Theyapproachedhandin

hand,theireyeswidewithfear,knowingtheprobableconsequencesofapersonalsummons.Buttheyhadalreadyrecognizedme.Theystoppeddead,astonished,rootedtothespot.Iapproachedthem,tookboth

oftheminmyarms,andembracedthem.Theywereincapableofspeaking,butweresatisfiedtocrysoftly.Itriedtoconsolethem,toreassurethem,butalreadythecrowdsurroundedus.Undersuchconditionstherewasabsolutelynowayofholdingaconversation.Iaskedtheoverseerifshewouldletushavetheuseofherlittleroomforafewminutes.Then,atlast,wewerealone.

Theybroughtmeuptodateontheirsadexperiencesofthepreviousthreemonths:thedreadedselections,fromwhichtheyhadtillnowescaped,buttheverythoughtofwhichmadethemtremblewithfear,livingastheydidintheshadowofthecrematoriumchimneys.Dressedinrags,theysufferedfromcoldandperpetualhunger.Itrainedintheirbarracksandtheirclothes

neverdriedoutcompletely.Thefoodwasuneatableand,whatwasworse,theywereunabletosleep.Theplaceassignedtothemwasmeanttoholdsevenpeople:twelvewerestackedinthere.Womenwhosesocialrankbackhomewasfairlyhighpushedandshovedeachotherinordertogivethemselvesafewinchesmorespace,thushopingtosleepalittlebetter,evenititwasattheexpense

oftheircompanions.Everybodyherehadlostherformerpersonality.Friendsorstrangers,eachwasconcernedonlyaboutherownwell-being,unwillingtomaketheslightestconcession.Mydaughtertoldmethatshesleptontheconcretefloor,sincenobodywouldmakeaplaceforheronthebunkwherehermotherslept.Mywifeaskedmeaboutmywork.Iexplainedto

herthatIwasDr.Mengele'sassistant,andassuchamemberoftheSonderkommando.AfterthreemonthsofKZlifetheytoohadlearnedthattheSonderwasthekommandoofthelivingdead.Bothlookedatmeaghast.IreassuredthemasbestIcouldandpromisedtoreturnthefollowingday.ThefactthatIhadfound

mywifeandchildmade

sensationalnewsatthecrematorium.Itookwarmclothing,linenandstockingsfromtheclothingdepartment,toothbrushes,nailcutters,penknivesandcombsfromthetoiletarticlesection.FromthepharmacyIgotastockofvitaminpills,ointmentfortheirsores,andanythingelseIthoughtmightbeuseful.Igotasizablequantity,muchmorethanwasnecessaryformywifeanddaughter.

Besides,Ifilledmysackwithblocksofsugar,butter,jamandbreadinquantitieslargeenoughtobeabletodistributethemtotheotherprisoners.SoitwasthatIleftfortheCCampwithmysackbulging.Butallgoodthingsmustcometoanend.ForthreeweeksIvisitedC

Campeveryday.OnedaywhatIwasafraidwouldhappenactuallycametopass.Ihadalreadycometothe

conclusion,aftertheliquidationoftheCzechandGypsyCamps,thatexterminationwasmerelyamatterofchronologicalorder.SoonerorlaterthetimecameforallthosewhospenttheirdaysofmiserywithintheconfinesofAuschwitz'sbarbedwirebarriers.OneafternoonIwasseated

atmyworktableinthelaboratory.Dr.MengeleandDr.Thilowerepresent,

discussingquestionspertainingtotheKZ'sadministration.Dr.Mengele,asthoughhehadjustreachedadecision,gotupfromhischairandsaidtoDr.Thilo:"IamnolongerabletofeedthedebilitatedprisonersofCCamp.Ishallhavethemliquidatedduringthenexttwoweeks."Suchscenesoftentook

placeinmypresence.Affairsofamostconfidentialnature

werediscussedasthoughIwerenoteventhere.Was

Inotafterallalivingdeadman,whosepresencenolongermeantanything?IwasdeeplyshakenbyDr.

Mengele'sdecisionconcerningtheliquidationofCCamp,foritconcernednotonlymyimmediatefamily,butthousandsofmyunfortunatecompatriots.Ihadtoactimmediately.AssoonasDr.Mengele

andDr.Thiloleftthecrematorium,IfollowedthemandheadeddirectlyforDCamp,wheretheSSgroupwhichsupervisedtheincorporationofforeignprisonersintoforcedlaborbattalionswasinstalled.InthiscamptheprisonersnecessaryforthatprogramofslavelaborinforcethroughoutallGermanywereportionedout.TheheadwasanOberschaarfuhrer.Ifound

himaloneinhisroom.IintroducedmyselfandshowedhimDr.Mengele'spass.Iexplainedtohimthatmy

wifeandchildwereinternedinCCamp.AfterhavingtrackedthemdownwithDr.Mengele'shelp,IhadbeendoingallIcouldforthem.Nevertheless,IknewthefateinstoreforCCamp,andthushadtoarrangetohavemyfamilysenttosomeplacefar

fromhere.Heconcurredandpromisedtohelpme.Thatweektwoconvoysof

3,000prisonerswereduetobesentfromCCamptowesternGermany'swarplants."Thesefactoriesarethebestsetup,"hesaid,"sincethelodgingandfooddonotaimatexterminating,butratheratthemaintenanceofgoodconditionsfortheworkers,inordertoassuremaximumproductivity."

Ileftaboxof100cigarettesonhistable.Heacceptedthepackageandpromisedthatifmywifeanddaughtervolunteeredduringtheselection,hewouldassignthemtooneofthetwoconvoys.IhadgotwhatIwanted.IhurriedtoCCamp,buttheremyjobwasevenmoredifficult.Ihadtomakemyfamilyunderstandthattheyhadtogetawayfromhere.Icouldnottellthemthe

truth,forIwouldonlystartapanic,whichwouldbefatalforallofus.Iaskedformywifeanddaughterintheoverseer'slittleroom,andtriedtomakethemunderstandthat,howeverpainfulitwasforme,thesituationdemandedthattheyleave.Theywouldhavetorenouncemyhelp.Formypart,Itoowouldhavetoforgothepleasureofseeingandhelpingthem.Sometime

thisweektherewouldbeaselectiontofillaconvoyquota.Theyweretovolunteerforoneoftheconvoys,preferablyforthefirst.Iexplainedtomywifethatseriousmotivesforcedmetoadviseherthus;Iaskedhertotellallheracquaintancestovolunteeraswellfortheconvoysbutthatshesaynothingmoreaboutit.Imightaddthatduringthe

fillingofworkquotas,theSS

commissionfirstacceptedvolunteersfortheconvoys,andusedarbitraryincorporationonlywhenthenumberofvolunteersdidnotattaintherequirednumber.Nevertheless,therewerefewvolunteers,sincenobodywantedtoforsaketheadvantagesofhispresentsituation—thatofnotworking—foranother.Fewwerewillingtovolunteerforforcedlaborwhenthefood

rationswereinsufficienteventosustainlifeintheKZ.Poor,short-sightedwomen,ifonlytheyhadunderstoodthementalityoftheThirdReich'sKZ,theywouldhaverealizedthatthosewhodidnotworkdidnotlive.Mywifeanddaughter

realized,however,thatmyreasonsformakingsuchadecisionmustbegood,andtheypromisedtovolunteerfortheinitialquota.Imade

mygoodbyes,buttoldthemIwouldreturnintwodaystobringthemsomewarmclothesandfoodforthejourney.Whenthetwodayswere

up,IreturnedtoCCamptobidthemalastfarewell,bringingtheclothesandprovisionswithme.ButIdidnotreturnalone.IwasafraidtotakesuchaloadofpackagesthroughtheCCampgate.Some

high-rankingofficersmighthavebeenintheneighborhoodwhenIarrivedandbecomecurious.SoIaskedoneofthecrematoriumSSguards,whomIhadtreatedforpleurisy,tocomewithmeandhelpcarrythepackages.ThistimeIdidnotvisitmywifeanddaughterintheirbarracks,buthadthemsentforfromadesertedpointalongthebarbedwireenclosure.Itwastherewe

heldourlastconversation.Wethrewthepackagesoverthebarbedwire.Theplacewassooutofthewaythatnobodysawus.Withthebarbedwirestrandsseparatingus,itwasimpossibleforuseventokisseachothergoodbye.Inthefewminuteswe

spenttogethermywifeassuredmethateverythinghadworkedoutasplanned.Bothsheandourdaughter

hadbeenacceptedfortheconvoy,withouthavinghadtosolicittheOberschaarfuhrer'shelp.Iwasalsohappytolearnthatmanyoftheotherwomeninthecamphadtakenmywife'sadviceandvolunteeredfortheconvoy.

XXVIThreedayslaterIreturned

toCCamptocheckandmakecertainmywifeanddaughterhadindeeddeparted.Theyweregoneallright,withoneofthetwoconvoysconsistingof3,000prisoners.Ididnotknowwhatthefuturemightholdinstoreforthem,butIwasneverthelessrelieved,forheretheywereheadedtowardscertaindeath.Now,

withalittleluck,theymightescapewiththeirlives.Indicationsthatthewarwasdrawingtoaclosewerebecomingincreasinglyevident.TheThirdReich'sgravewasalreadybeingdug.Ihadafeelingthat,atthispointinthegame,aprisoner'schancesofsurvivalwereroughlyproportionaltohisdistancefromcampssuchasAuschwitz.Whichmeantthatmyownchanceswere

growingslimmereveryday.Whatevermyfate,

however,atleastIcouldendmydaysknowingthatmyfamilywasnowfarfromthepathsleadingtothefuneralpyres.Itwasneitherfearnordespairthatkeptthethoughtofdeathuppermostinmymind,butratherthememoryoftheeleventhSonderkommando'sbloodyend,presagingourown,plusacoldlyobjectiveattitude,

untaintedbyanysentimentality.AsIleftCCamp,Iletmy

gazelingerinfarewellupontherowsofdilapidatedbarracks.ItwaswithamixtureofsadnessandcompassionthatIlookedoncemoreuponthegrotesquespectacleofourwomenandgirls:theywhohadoncebeensoattractive,someticulousintheirtoiletanddress,werenowshavenandemaciated,

dressedlikescarecrows,strippedofallhumandignity,ghostsoftheirformerselves.AsIreturnedtothe

crematoriumsIfoundmyselfshivering,andsuddenlyrealizedthatautumnwashere:itwasalreadytheendofSeptember.Thenorthwind,sweepingdownfromthealreadywhitenedsummitsofthemountains,sangthroughthebarbedwiresandmadetheshutterscreakominously.

Theonlybirdthatinhabitedthisgodforsakenregion,thecrow,flashedagainsttheleadensky.Fromthecrematoriums,builttoendureforever,thewindborecloudsofsmoke,andwiththemthecharacteristic,familiarodorofburninghairandflesh.Mydayswerespentin

idleness,mynightsweresleepless.Iwasterriblydepressed;alldesirehadleftme.Sincemyfamily's

departure,Ihadbeenfilledwithlonelinessandhauntedbymyowninactivity.ForthepastseveraldayssilenceandboredomhadweighedheavilyonAuschwitz.Abadsign—andmyintuitionwasjustaboutinfallible—merelytheheraldofmorebloodydeedstocome.ThetwelfthSonderkommandohadalmostlivedoutitsfourmonths.Thesandsofourallottedtimewerefastrunningout.We

hadonlyafewdaysleft—atmostaweekortwo—tolive.Dr.Mengele'sdecisionto

liquidateCCamphadbeencarriedout.Everyeveningfiftytrucksbroughtthevictims,4,000atatime,tothecrematoriums.Ahorriblesight,thiscaravanoftrucks,theirheadlightsstabbingthedarkness,eachbearingahumancargoofeightywomenwhoeitherfilledthe

airwiththeirscreamsorsatmute,paralyzedwithfear.Inslowsuccessionthetrucksrolledupanddumpedthewomen,whohadalreadybeenstrippedoftheirclothes,atthetopofthestairwayleadingdownintothegaschamber.Fromtheretheywerequicklypushedbelow.Theyallknewwheretheyweregoing,buttherigorsoftheirfourmonthscaptivity,thecorporalpunishmentthey

hadbeenmadetoendure,andthedisintegrationoftheirnervoussystems,hadreducedthemtosuchapointthattheywerenolongercapableofputtingupanyresistance,orevenoffeelingpain.Theywereherdedpassivelyintothegaschambers.Wearyofbeinghuntedandpersecuted,oflivinginconstantfear,theydumblyawaitedthehandofthesurephysician,Death.Forthemlifehadlostallmeaning

andpurpose.Toprolongitwouldmerelyhaveprolongedtheirsuffering.Andwhatalongroadthey

hadtraveledincominghere!Howfilledwithunimaginablesorroweachlapofthatjourney!First,theirwarm,comfortablehomeshadbeeninvadedandpillaged.Then,togetherwiththeirhusbands,children,andparents,theyhadbeentakentothebrick-kilnsonthefaredgeoftown,

whereforweekstheyhadbeenmadetoliveandsleepintheswampsbornofthespringrains.Thesewerethe"ghettos,"fromwhich,insmallgroups,theyhadbeentakeneverydaytothespeciallydesignedtorturechambers,outfittedwithallthelatestinstrumentsconducivetomakingpeople"talk."Theretheyhadbeenquestioned,until,halfdeadwithpain,theyhadconfessed

eitherthehidingplaceoftheirvaluables,orthenameofthepersontowhomtheyhadconfidedthem.Manyhaddiedfromtheseinterrogations.Thosewhosurvivedhadbeenalmostrelievedtofindthemselvesbeingloadedintoboxcars,eightyorninetytoacar,forithadmeanttheywereleavingthetorturechambersfarbehind.Orsotheyhadthought.For

fourorfivedaystheyhadlivedinthesecars,watchingthedeadpileuparoundthem,tillatlasttheyhadreachedtheJewishrampoftheAuschwitzconcentrationcamp.Wealreadyknowwhat

happenedtothemhere.Heartbrokenatbeingseparatedfromtheirhusbandsandchildren,franticwithfear,sent,at"selectiontime,"intotheright-handcolumn,

theyatlastreachedCCamp.Butbeforeenteringthefoul,disease-riddenbarracks,theyweremadetosubmittoanotherhumiliation,designedtodivestthemofanylingeringvestigesofhumandignity:thebaths.Ungentlehandscuttheir

hairandstrippedthemoftheirclothes.Afterthebaththeyweregivenragsthatnoself-respectingbeggarwouldeverhavetouched.Inthese

clothestheyreceivedtheirfirstdividendundertheThirdReich:lice.Afterthisreception,they

begantheirlifeofconfinementbehindtheKZbarbedwire,theirlifeofthelivingdead.Thefoodtheyreceived,morelikedirtydishwaterthananythingelse,wassufficienttokeepthemfromdying,insufficienttokeepthemreallyalive.Albuminwascompletely

lackingintheirsystems,causingtheirlegstobecomeasheavyaslead.Theabsenceoffatsmadetheirbodiesswell.Theirmenstruationsceased.Asaresult,theybecameirritableandincreasinglynervous,hadmigrainesandnosebleeds.ThelackofVitaminBcausedperpetualdrowsinessandpartialamnesia:oftentheycouldnolongerrememberthenamesofthestreetswhere

theyhadoncelived,ortheirhousenumbers.Onlytheireyeswerestillalive,buteventheynolongersparkledwithintelligence.Thesewerethe

circumstancesinwhichtheysubmittedtothedailyrollcallsandmusters,whichlastedseveralhours.Whentheyfaintedandwererudelyrevivedwithabucketofcoldwater,theireyesinvariablyturnedtowardsthecloudsof

smokethatcoveredtheKZ,ortowardstheflamesbelchingfromthecrematoriumstacks.Thesetwosigns,smokeandflames,remindedthem,dayandnight,thattheywerelivingatthegatetotheotherworld.TheCCampinmateshad

livedforfourmonthsintheshadowofthecrematoriumgate:ittooktendaysforallofthemtopassthroughit.Forty-fivethousand

tormentedbodiesrendereduptheirsoulsthere.UponCCamp,whosewirestandshadenclosedasmanypoignanttragedies,adismalsilencedescended.

XXVIITheSonderkommandowas

awaitingthefinalblow.Dayafterday,weekafterweek,monthaftermonth,terrorhadhoveredoverourheads,suspendedbythethinnestofthreads.Andnow,inadayortwo,itwoulddescendbringingwithitinstantaneousdeath,leavinginitswakeonlyapileofsilveryashes.Wewerereadyforit.Hourly

weawaitedthearrivalofourSSexecutioners.Earlyinthemorningof

October6th,1944,ashotrangoutfromoneofthewatchtowers,killingaKZprisonerwhohadstrayedoutsidetheneutralzoneintotheareabetweenthefirstandsecondlinesofguardsthatsurroundedthecamp.Theprisoner,anex-Russianofficer,hadbeensentherefortryingtoescapefroma

prisoner-of-warcamp.Inallprobabilityhehadbeentryingtoescapeagainwhentheguardhadfiredonhim.Apoliticalcommission

headedbyDr.Mengeleproceededtothespottomakethecustomaryinvestigation.IfthevictimhadbeenJewishhisbodywouldhavebeenshippeddirectlytothemorgueandthencetothecrematoriums,andthatwouldhavebeentheendofthe

matter.ButsincethiswasaRussianofficer,whosenameandpersonaldataweredulyinscribedinthecamprecords,thesameprocedurecouldnotbefollowed.Anautopsyreportwouldberequiredtoexplainhisdeath.Followinghison-the-spotinvestigation,Dr.Mengelehadthebodytakentothecrematorium,withordersthatanautopsybemade.Thereportwastobereadyby2:30p.m.Dr.

Mengelewouldpickitupandcheckthefindingsbypersonallyexaminingthebody.Itwas9:00a.m.whenDr.

Mengeleleftthedissectingroom.Ihadthebodyplacedonthetable,andwouldhavecompletedtheautopsyinthirtyorfortyminutesifthedatehadnotbeenOctober6th,thelastdaybutoneoftheSonderkommando'sallottedlifespan.Wewere

notcertainofanything,butIfelttheimminenceofdeath.SinceIwasunabletowork,

Ileftthedissectingroomandwenttomyroom,planningtotakeahealthydoseofsleepingtablets.Ismokedcigaretteaftercigarette,mynervescompletelyshot.Unabletostayput,Icrossedintotheincinerationroom,whereIfoundtheSonderkommandocrewworkinghalf-heartedly,

despitethefactthatseveralhundredbodieswerestackedupinfrontoftheovens.Smallgroupshadformedandthemenweretalkinginwhispers.Iwentupstairstothekommando'slivingquartersandimmediatelynoticedthatsomethingwasamiss.Normally,aftermorningmusterandbreakfast,thenightshiftturnedin.Now,however,at10o'clock,everyonewasstill

up.Ialsonoticedthattheyweredressedinsportclothes,withsweatersandboots,althoughtheroomwasbrightwithawarmOctobersun.Heretoomanyofthemenwerehuddled,talkinginwhispers,whileothersmovedaboutfeverishly,arrangingandpackingtheirclothesinsuitcases.Itwasobviousthatsomesortofplotwasbeinghatched.Butwhat?Ienteredthesmallroomthathoused

thekommandochiefandfoundthevariousleadersofthenightshiftseatedaroundthetable:theengineer,themechanic,theheadchauffeurandthechiefofthegaskommando.NosoonerhadItakenmyseatwhenthekommandochieftookanalmostemptybottlefromthetableandpouredmealargeglassofbrandy.ItwasastrongPolisheau-de-vie,thefamouscuminbrandy.I

downedmyglassinonegulp.Now,inthewaninghoursoftheSonderkommando'sfourthmonth,itmightnotbealife-prolongingelixir,butitwasnonethelessanexcellentremedyfordullingthefearofdeath.Mycomradespresentedmewithadetailedaccountofoursituation.AllevidenceseemedtoindicatethattheSonderkommando'sliquidationwouldnottakeplacebeforethefollowing

day,andperhapseventhedayafter.Butcarefulplanshadbeenmadeforthe860membersofthekommandototryandforcetheirwayoutofthecamp.Thebreakwasscheduledforthatnight.Onceout,wewouldhead

fortheloopoftheVistulatwokilometersaway.Atthistimeofyeartheriverwasverylowandcouldeasilybeforded.EightkilometersfromtheVistulatherewerevast

forests,extendingtothePolishborder,inwhichweshouldbeabletoliveforweeks,evenmonthsifnecessary,inrelativesafety.Orperhapswewouldrunintosomepartisansalongtheway.Oursupplyofweaponswasadequate.Duringtheprecedingfewdaysashipmentofaboutahundredboxesofhighexplosiveshadreachedthecamp,sentfromtheUniofactoriesof

Auschwitz,amunitionsplantthatemployedPolishJewsasworkers.TheGermansuseditforblowinguprailroadlines.Besidesthisstock,wehadfivemachinegunsandtwentyhandgrenades."Thisshouldsuffice,"said

oneofthegroup."Withtheelementofsurpriseonourside,wecandisarmtheguardsusingonlyourrevolvers.Thenwe'lltaketheSSbysurpriseintheir

dormitoriesandforcethemtocomewithusuntilwehavenofurtheruseforthem."Thesignaltoattackwould

begivenbyflashlightsignalsfromnumberonecrematorium.Numbertwowouldimmediatelytransmitthesignaltonumberthree,whichwouldinturnalertnumberfour.Theplansseemedallthemorefeasibletomeforthesimplereasonthattheonlycrematorium

workingwasnumberone.Andevenitwouldknockoffworkat6:00p.m.,whichmeantthattheSonderkommandonightshiftwouldnotgoondutythatevening.Wheneverthishappened,theSSguardstendedtorelaxtheirvigil.TherewerethreeSSguardsineachcrematorium.Weadjournedthemeeting

untiltheevening,theorderbeingthat,untilthemoment

thesignalwasgiven,everyoneshouldaccomplishhistaskasusual,scrupulouslyavoidinganyactliabletoarousesuspicion.Returningtomyroom,I

againpassedthroughtheovenroom.Themenseemedtobeworkingevenmoreslowlythanbefore.Iinformedmytwocolleaguesoftheplan,butrefrainedfrommentioningittothelabassistant.Hewouldinevitably

bedrawnintoitonceitbegan,butIsawnoneedtoinformhimofitforthepresent.Timemovedforwardon

leadenfeet.Lunchtimearrived.Weateslowly,thenwentintothecrematoriumcourtyardtowarmourselvesintheslantingraysoftheautumnsun.InoticedthattheSSguardswerenowheretobeseen.Buttherewasprobablynothingunusual

aboutthat;ithadhappenedmorethanoncebefore.Theywerenodoubtintheirrooms.Thegateswereclosed.Outside,thecampSSondutywereattheirposts.SoIaccordednoimportancetotheabsenceofguardsinside.Ismokedmycigaretteinpeace.Toknowthatwithinafewhourswewouldbeoutsidethesebarbedwiresandfreeagainliftedadarkcloudfrommymind,acloud

thathadhoveredtheresincemyfirstdayintheKZ.Eveniftheattemptfailed,Iwouldhavelostnothing.Ilookedatmywatch.Half

pastone.Igotupandaskedmycolleaguestojoinmefortheautopsy,sowecouldbereadywiththereportwhenDr.Mengelearrivedtopickitup.Theyfollowedmesilentlyintothedissectingroom,andwebegantheautopsyimmediately.Todayoneof

myassociateswasperformingthedissection,whileIrecordedhisfindingsonmytypewriter.Wehadbeenworkingfor

about20minuteswhenatremendousexplosionrockedthewalls.Intheechoingsilence,thesteadystaccatoofmachinegunfirereachedourears.Peeringthroughthegreenmosquitonettingthatcoveredthemainwindow,Isawthered-tiledroofand

supportingbeamsofnumberthreecrematoriumblowoff,followedbyanimmensespiralofflameandblacksmoke.Nomorethanaminutelater,machinegunfirebrokeoutjustinfrontofthedissectingroomdoor.Wehadnoideawhathadhappened.Ourplanscalledfortonight.Twopossibilitiesoccurredtome:eithersomeonehadbetrayedus,thusenablingtheSStostepinandbreakupthe

plannedescape,orelseaconsiderableforceofpartisanshadattackedthecamp.ThedismalwailofsirensbeganinbothAuschwitzIandAuschwitzII.Theexplosionsgrewlouderandlouder,andtherattleofsubmachinegunsmoreandmorepersistent.Thenwecouldheartheharsherstaccatooffieldmachineguns.Ihadalreadymadeupmymindwhattodo.

Whetheritwasaquestionoftreasonorofapartisanattack,itseemedbestforthemomenttoremaininthedissectingroomandseehowthesituationevolved.FromthewindowIsaw80to100trucksarriving.Thefirstonepulledupinfrontofourcrematorium.Halfacompanyjumpedoutandformedupinbattleformationinfrontofthebarbedwirefences.Ibegantoseewhathad

happened.TheSonderkommandomenhadtakenpossessionofnumberonecrematoriumand,fromeverywindowanddoor,weresprayingtheSStroopswithbulletsandgrenades.Theirdefenseseemedeffective,forIsawseveralsoldiersdrop,eitherdeadorwounded.Seeingthis,thebesiegersdecidedtoresorttomoredrasticmethods.Theybroughtup50well-trained

policedogsandunleashedthemontheSonderkommandoentrenchedbehindthewallsofnumberone.Butforsomestrangereasonthesedogs,usuallysoferociousandobedient,refusedtobudge:earsback,tailsbetweentheirlegs,theytookshelterbehindtheirSSmasters.Perhapsitwasbecausethedogshadbeentrainedtodealwithprisonerswearingstripedburlap,

whereastheSonderkommandoneverworethis"uniform."Orperhaps,toolongusedtodealingwithweakened,unarmedprisoners,theyweremomentarilyfrightenedbythesmellofpowderandscorchedflesh,thenoiseandconfusionofapitchedbattle.Inanycase,theSSsoonrealizedtheirmistakeand,withoutlettingupontheirfire,begantohaulsome

howitzersintoposition.Itwasimpossibleforthe

Sonderkommandotoholdoutagainstsuchnumericalandmaterialodds.Shoutingexultantly,theyeruptedthroughthebackgatesofthecrematorium.Firingastheywent,theypouredthroughtheelectrifiedbarbedwiresthathadbeencutaheadoftime,andheadedfortheloopoftheVistula.Forabouttenminutesthe

fightingwasheavyonbothsides.Loudmachinegunfirefromthewatchtowersmingledwiththelesserblastsofthesubmachineguns,andinterspersedcouldbeheardtheexplosionofhandgrenadesanddynamite.Then,assuddenlyasithadbegun,everythingbecamequiet.ThentheSSstationedin

frontofthecrematoriumadvanced,leavingbehindthetwohowitzers,whichthey

hadnotused.Withfixedbayonets,theyattackedthebuildingfromallsides,andscatteredthroughtheroomsinthebasementandgroundfloor.AgroupofSSenteredthedissectingroom.Gunsleveled,theysurroundedusanddroveus,underarainofblows,intothecourtyard.Theretheymadeusliedownonourbellies,ourfaceshardagainsttheground.Theorderrangout:"Anyonewho

makesamove,orraiseshishead,willgetabulletinthebackoftheneck!"AfewminuteslaterIcouldtellfromthesoundoffootstepsthatanotherSSgrouphadroundedupandbroughtbackaconsiderablenumberofSonderkommandomen.Theytooweremadetoliedownbesideus.Howmanyofthemcouldtherebe?Withmyheadpressedagainstthegrounditwasimpossibletotellfor

sure.Threeorfourminuteslateranothergrouparrivedandwasmadetoliedownbehindus.Whilewewerelyingthere

inertontheground,ahailofkicksandblowsfromtheguards'clubsfellonourheads,shouldersandbacks.Icouldfeelthewarmbloodtricklingdownmyface,tillitssaltytastereachedmytongue.Butonlythefirstblowsreallyhurtme.My

headwasspinning,myearswereringing,mymindwasablank.Icouldnolongerfeelanything.IhadtheimpressionIwasslippingintotheindifferencethatprecedesdeath.Forsometwentyorthirty

minuteswelayonthegroundwaitingforthebulletfromtheSSguardsstandingbehindus.Inthisposition,Iknewitwaswithabulletintheheadthattheyintendedtokillus.The

swiftestofdeathsatleast,andinthesecircumstancestheleasthorrible.InmymindIimaginedmyheadblownoffunderthetremendousimpactofthebulletfiredpointblank,myskullexplodingintoathousandpieces.SuddenlyIheardthesound

ofacar.ItmustbeDr.Mengele,Ithought.ThepoliticalSSwereawaitinghisarrival.Ididn'tdareliftmyheadtolook,butIrecognized

hisvoice.Anorder,fromthelipsofanSS:"Doctors,onyourfeet!"Allfourofusgotupandstoodatattention,waitingforwhatwouldfollow.Dr.Mengelemadeasignforustoapproach.Myfaceandshirtwerebloody,myclothescoveredwithmudasIappearedbeforehim.Threehigh-rankingSSofficerswerestandingbesidehim.Dr.Mengeleaskeduswhatpartwehadplayedinall

this."Nopart,"Ireplied,"unless

carryingouttheordersoftheHauptsturmfuhrercouldbeconstruedasguilt.WeweredissectingthebodyoftheRussianofficerwhentheincidentoccurred.Itwastheexplosionthatinterruptedourdissection.Theunfinishedautopsyreportisstillinthetypewriter.Wedidnotleaveourpostsandweretherewhentheyfoundus."

TheSScommanderconfirmedourwords.Dr.Mengelelookedhardatmeandsaid:"Gowashupandreturntoyourwork."Iturnedandleft,followed

bymythreecompanions.Wehadgotnomorethantwentystepswhenaburstofmachinegunssoundedbehindus.TheSonderkommando'slifewasover.Ididnotlookback;onthe

contrary,Iincreasedmypace

andreturnedtomyroom.Itriedtorollacigarettebutmyhandswereshakingtoomuchandkepttearingthepaper.FinallyIgotonerolled,lightedit,inhaleddeeplyseveraltimes,and,onunsteadylegs,madeformybedandlaydown.OnlythendidIbegintofeeltheachesandbruisesthatrackedmywholebody,theresultoftheSSkicksandblows.Somuchhadhappened

today,andyetitwasonly3:00p.m.ThefactthatIhadcomeawaywithmylifegavemeneithercomfortnorjoy.Iknewitwasonlyareprieve.IknewDr.Mengele,andIknewthementalityoftheSS.Iwasalsofullycognizantoftheimportanceofmywork:forthemomentIwasindispensable.Besidesmyself,therewasnophysicianintheKZqualifiedtomeetDr.Mengele's

requirements.Andeveniftherewere,theywouldbecarefulnottorevealthemselvesandmakepublictheirprofessionalabilities,fortodosowouldbetofallintoDr.Mengele'shands,andsobringtheirlivestoanend:likeeverymemberoftheSonderkommando,theytoowouldfindthemselvescondemnedtoalifespanoffourmonths.Whenmynervesbecame

calmer,Igotupandwenttolookaround.Iwantedtoknowexactlywhathadhappenedthisafternoon.Wastherereallyatraitoramongus?AnddidtheSSreallysuppresstherevoltbydestroyingtheSonderkommando?Eveniftheyhadbeenhuntingforapretext,theycouldneverhavefoundabetterreasontoliquidatethekommando.Itwasquitelikelythattoday

merelymarkedtheexpirationofourallottedfourmonths,andtheSShadreceivedorderstoliquidateus.Theyhadprobablysetouttoexecutetheirorders,buthaddiscovered,totheirsurprise,thatthetwelfthSonderkommandohadnointentionofliningupinthecourtyard.Norweretheytobeluredbythepretextthatthisassemblywasmerelytomakesomeroutine

announcement,orformuster.Ourkommando,quiteawarethattheSShadcometoexterminateus,hadapparentlychosentogodownfighting.Nowmycomradeswere

lyingnakedinlongrows,infrontofthecremationovens.OneaftertheotherIidentifiedthebodiesofthoseIknew;atleasttheyhaddiedbelievingthatfreedomwasonlyaroundthecorner.They

hadbeenbroughtbackonpushcartsfromthespotwheretheyhadfallen,somewhereinsidetheouterlineofguards.Thosewhohadbeenexecutedinthecourtyardaswewerewalkingawaywerealsohere.Afterallresistancehadbeencrushed,thebodieshadbeenremovedfromnumbertwo,threeandfourcrematoriumsandbroughtforcremationtonumberone,whichwasmannedbythirty

new,hastilyrecruitedSonderkommandomen.Ifoundmyselfstanding

besideanSSnoncom,whowasbusyrecordingthetattoonumbersofthedead.Withoutmyasking,heinformedmethattwelveSondermenwerestillmissing.Oftheothers,allbutsevenweredead.Thosesevenweremyselfandmytwoassociates,thelabassistant,theengineerinchargeofthedynamosand

ventilators,theheadchauffeur,andthe"Pipel,"thatis,ajack-of-all-tradesassignedtotheSSpersonnel,whosedutiesincludedtakingcareoftheirclothesandboots,cleaningtheirkitchenandansweringthephone.Itwashewhogavemeadetailedaccountoftheday'sevents.Ithadnotbeenacaseoftreason.Hereisthe"Pipel's"tale:At2:00p.m.atruckloadof

politicalSSarrivedatnumberthreecrematorium.TheircommanderorderedtheSonderkommandotoassemble,butnoonemoved.Hemusthavehadaninklingofwhatwasbrewing.Inanyevent,heapparentlyfiguredhewouldgetbetterresultsifhetriedlyingtotheSonderkommando,andGodknowstheSSwerepastmastersintheartoflying.Stoppinginthecenterofthe

courtyard,hegaveashortspeech,worthyoftheSS:"Men,"heshouted,"you

haveworkedherelongenough.Byordersofmysuperiors,youaretobesentinaconvoytoarestcamp.Thereyouwillbegivengoodclothes,you'llhaveplentytoeat,andyourlifewillbeeasier.ThosewhosetattoonumbersIcallout,stepforwardandlineup."Thenhebegantherollcall.

HefirstcalledoutthenumbersoftheHungarianmembersofnumberthreeSonderkommando,100inall.TheKZ's"youngest"prisoners,theylinedupwithoutfurtherprotest.Morefearthancouragewasvisibleintheirexpressions.AdetachmentofSSimmediatelytookchargeofthemandremovedthemfromthecourtyard,thenmarchedthemtoDCampand

crammedthemintoBarracks13.Meanwhile,innumber

threecrematorium,rollcallcontinued.NowitwastheturnoftheGreeks,whofailedtoshowasimilaralacrityinliningup,butneverthelessobeyed.Next,agroupofPoles.Grumblesandmutteredprotestsswelledtoasurlyroar.TheSScalledanothernumber.Silence;noonemoved.Whentheofficer

raisedhisheadandfrownedabottleofmineralwaterfellathisfeetandexploded.SevenSS,includingthegroupcommander,felldeadorwounded.Thebottlehadbeenthrown

byoneofthePoles.TheSSopenedadeadlyfireontherioters,whoretreatedandtookupdefensivepositionsinsidethecrematorium.Thusprotected,theybegantossingotherexplosive-filledbottles

intothecourtyard.Aburstofmachine-gunfirefromsomeoftheSSmoweddowntheGreeks,whowerestilllinedupinthecourtyard.Afewtriedtoescape,butwerekilledastheyreachedthegate.Withoutlettingupontheir

fire,theSSmovedintowardsthecrematoriumentrance.Itwasnoeasyjob,forthePolesputupastoutdefense.Theircascadeofbottlessucceeded

inkeepingtheSSatarespectfuldistance.Justthen,atremendousexplosionrockedthearea,fellingthoseattackerswhohadmovedinclosetothebuilding.Thecrematoriumroofblewoff,sendingashowerofbeamsandshinglesflyinginalldirections,whilesmokeandflamesbillowedskyward.Fourdrumsofgasolinehadexploded,reducingthebuildingtorubbleand

buryingtheSonderkommandomeninside.Afewofthosewhoescapedwiththeirlivestriedtocarryonthefight,buttheSSmachinegunsmadeshortworkofthem.Others,woundedbutstillabletowalk,headedtowardsthedoorwiththeirhandsup,butanotherbursttumbledthemaswell.Theyexpectedwhattheygot,butfirewasguttingthebuildingandtheychose

theeasierdeath.Atthesametime,thehundredHungarianswerehastilyreturnedtothecourtyardandexecutedonthespot.Thustheriotbeganin

numberthree.Innumberone,workcontinuedasusualtillnumberthreeexploded.Thesoundoftheexplosionbroughtthetension,alreadyatahighpitchfromthewait,toaparoxysm.Nooneknewexactlywhathappenedduring

thefirstfewminutes.Themenworkingattheovenslefttheirpostsandgatheredatthefarendoftheroom,wheretheytriedtofigureoutwhatwasgoingonandwhatstepstotake.Theydidnothavelongto

puzzle,however,fortheSSguardcameoverandaskedwhohadgiventhempermissiontostopworkandleavetheovens.Apparentlytheworkboss'sreplyfailedto

satisfyhim,forhedealtthemanawitheringblowontheheadwiththecurvedendofhiscane—eachoftheSSguardscarriedone,thebettertoencouragetheSondermenintheirwork.RumorhaditthatasecondSondermanalsohadhisheadsplitopenbythesamecane.Buttheworkboss,thetoughestmaninthekommando,wasonlystaggeredbytheblow.Hisfacewascoveredwithblood,

buthewasstillonhisfeet.Hequicklydrewasharpknifefromthetopofhisbootandthrustitintotheguard'schest.Astheguardfelltwoalertmembersofthekommandograbbedhim,openedthedoorofthenearestoven,andshovedhimheadfirstintotheflames.Thewholeincident

happenedinthespaceofafewseconds,butanotherSSguard,drawnbythecrowd,

apparentlyarrivedjustintimetoseethebootedfeetdisappearintotheoven.HeknewitcouldonlyhavebeenaSondermanoranSSguard,butbeforehehadtimetolearnwhich,oneoftheSondercrewflooredhimwithasharpuppercut.Withthehelpofabuddy,heshovedthesecondSSguardinbesidethefirst.Afterthatittookonlyafew

secondstobreakoutthe

machineguns,handgrenadesandboxesofdynamite.Firingbrokeout,theSSstationedatoneendoftheroom,theSonderkommandoattheother.AhandgrenadetossedintothemidstoftheSSkilledsevenandwoundedanumberofothers.Severalkommandomenwerealsokilledorwounded,andthesituationofthesurvivorswasbecomingincreasinglydesperate.ButwhenafewmoreSSdropped,

theremainder,about20inall,tooktotheirheelsandranforthecrematoriumdoor.Theretheyweremetbyreinforcements,morethanenoughtoturnthetideofbattleintheirfavor.Therestwashistory.Seven

ofuswereleftinthecrematoriums.Thetwelvefugitiveswereroundedupduringthenight.TheyhadsucceededincrossingtheVistula,butwerecompletely

wornoutandhadsoughtshelterinahousetheythoughtmightfurnishthemwithatleastatemporaryhidingplace.ButtheownerhadinformedanSSdetachmentcombingthearea,andalltwelvehadbeenambushedandrecaptured.Iwasalreadyinbed,

almostasleep,whenanewburstofmachine-gunfirerousedmefrommystateofsemiconsciousness.Afew

minuteslaterheavyfootstepsechoedinthehallway.MydooropenedandtwoSSstaggeredin,theirfacescoveredwithblood.Thetwelveprisonershad

attackedthepatrolthathadbroughtthembacktothecrematoriumcourtyard,inadesperateefforttoseizetheirweapons.Thetwelvehadhadonlytheirfiststofightwith;theresulthadbeenswiftandsure:alltwelvehadbeen

quicklykilled.ButtheyhadsucceededinbadlymaulingtheSSguards,whonowaskedmetotreattheirwounds.Imutelycarriedouttheirorders.Thelossofthesetwelve

companionswasaterribleblowtome.Aftersomucheffortandlossoflife,stillnoonehadsucceededinescapingtotelltheworldthefullstoryofthishellishprison.

LaterIlearnedthatnewsoftherevolthadneverthelessreachedtheoutsideworld.SomeoftheKZprisonersrelatedthestorytothecivilianswhoworkedwiththem.Andbesides,thetonguesofcertainSSguardsweresaidtohavewagged.Itwasindeedanhistoric

event,thefirstofitskindsincethefoundingoftheKZ.Eighthundredandfifty-threeprisoners,andseventySS

werekilled.IncludedamongthelatterwereanObersturmfuhrer,seventeenOberschaarfuhrerandSchaarfuhrerandfifty-twoSturmmanner.Numberthreecrematoriumburnedtotheground.Andnumberfour,asaresultofdamagetoitsequipment,wasrendereduseless.

XXVIIIIawokedepressedaftera

nightoftroubledsleep.Mynervesweremoreshotthanever:evenmycolleagues'whisperedconversation,thesoundoftheirfootsteps,gratedonmelikesandpaper.IwasinafoulmoodasI

wentwithmyassociatesonceagainintothedissectingroom.Enroutewehadtocrosstheincinerationroom.

Theunfriendlyconcretefloorextendedtotheveryedgeoftheovens.Theyhadfinishedthejobofcrematingourcomradesbymidnightlastnight.Thecoolingovensgaveoffafeeblewarmth.ThethirtynewSondermen,strickenbythetragedytheyhadbeenmadetowitnessonthedayoftheirarrival,weresittingorlyingindeadlysilenceonthebedsofthedeceased.

Butthisconditionlastedforonlyafewdays.Lifesoonresumeditsnormalcourse,asevidencedbytheirdesireforagoodmealandcigarettes,andespeciallyforbrandy,theblessedremedyofallSonderkommandomen,thepanaceaforcrematoriumsickness.AfterhavinggonewithoutclothesintheKZbarracks,theyenjoyedthecomfortofdecentones.Personalhygienewasonce

againareality:showers,plentyofwaterandsoap,towelsinabundance.Iwatchedthemasanoldsergeantmightwatchagroupofnewrecruits.Theywouldgetusedtoallthisbeforelong.Inthedissectingroom,for

lackofsomethingbettertodo—utaliquidvideatur—Iinventedsomejobstokeepmycolleaguesoccupied.Ihadthemcleanthesurgical

instrumentstilltheyshonelikedisplaypieces,thensortthemandputthemaway.Themosquitonetting,afterthebattleofthepreviousday,wasalsoinneedofrepair.Asformyself,Iwasseatedatthetable,myheadswathedinbandagesandadhesivetape,mentallycompilingalistofcomplaintsandrequestsIwantedtopresenttoDr.Mengeleattheearliestpossibleopportunity.

Foronething,Iplannedtotellhimthatnoneofthecrematoriumroomswassuitableasadissectingroom,forthesimplereasonthat,nomatterwhereyouhappenedtobehere,youcouldnotescapetheheartrendingscreamsofthedeportedontheirwaytodeath,screamsthatpiercedtotheverymarrowofyourbones.Whetheritwasthegaschamberorabulletinthe

neck,thescreamswerethesame.Itwasimpossibleformetoconcentrateproperlyonmyworkhere.Sincethedayofmyarrival,whenIhadlearnedthefateoftheelevenprecedingkommandos,Ihadlivedinaworldofconstantdread:fourmonthsofnerve-rackingtension,waiting,daybyday,forthemomentwhenourkommandowouldmeetwiththesamefate.Ialsoplannedtoaskhimto

belenientwithmyworkinthefutureifitprovedtobeinaccurate.Why?Because,nolaterthanyesterday,October6th,1944,whenIhadbeenorderedtoperformanautopsyonthebodyofaRussianofficerandtopreparethedissectionreport,numberthreecrematoriumhadblownupbeforemyeyes,andwehadbeenattackedbyabattalionofSStroops.Howitzershadbeenbrought

upandpolicedogsunleashedagainstus.Handgrenadeshadexplodedaroundus.SSsoldiers,withfixedbayonets,hadchargedintothisso-calledscientificinstituteIwassupposedtodirectandrunusintothecourtyard,strikingandkickingusaswewent.Thenwehadbeenmadetoliedowninthemud.Ihadcomewithinahair'sbreadthofbeingtransformedfromacoronerintoasubject

fordissectionmyself.ItwastruethatDr.Mengelehadsavedmefromthisfateandrescuedmefromtherowsofthedamned,butonlytobereturnedtothishouseofsorrowforanewreprieveoffourmonths.Iwouldaskhimtoadmit,frankly,whatanimpossiblesituationourshadbeenyesterdayafternoonandevening.Forevenaftertheworstwasover,IhadyethadtogivefirstaidtotwoSS

noncomswhofivehoursearlierhadkickedandstruckmeunmercifullyandthenwaited,theirgunsaimedatmyhead,forthesignaltopullthetrigger.SuchwerethecomplaintsI

intendedmakingtomychief.ButprincipallyIwantedtoprevailuponhimtohavethedissectingroomanditspersonneltransferredtosomeplaceintheKZbettersuitedtoresearch.

JustasIreachedthispointinmymusings,Dr.Mengeleopenedthedoor.Astherulesprescribed,Iroseandcametoattentionand,astheseniormemberpresent,announced:"Captain,threedoctorsandonelabassistantattheirposts."Helookedquizzicallyat

mybandagedhead."Whathappenedtoyou?"

heaskedwithanenigmaticsmilethatseemedhalf-

serious,half-joking.Thenatureofhisquestiongavemetheimpressionthathewouldhavelikedtopretendthatyesterday'seventshadneveroccurred.SoIdidnotanswerhim.Mylistofcomplaintswithered,tillonlytheoneobsessingrequestremained."Captain,"Isaid

unconvincingly,"thisenvironmentishighlyunsuitableforscientific

research.Wouldn'titbepossibletotransferthedissectingroomtoabetterplace?"Helookedatmesteadily,

hisexpressionhardening."What'swrong?"hesaidcoldly."Gettingsentimental?"Iregrettedhavinglet

myselfgo,havingmomentarilyforgottenthediscretionIusuallydisplayedinhispresence.Ihaddared

criticizetheoneplace,theoneenvironmentwheremysoft-brainedsuperiorreallyfeltathome:theblazingglowofthepyresandthespiralingsmokeofthecrematoriumstacks;theairheavywiththeodorofburningbodies;thewallsresoundingwiththescreamsofthedamnedandthemetallicrattleofmachinegunsfiredpointblank;itwastothisthatthedementeddoctorcameforrestand

relaxationaftereachselection,aftereachdisplayof"fireworks."Thiswaswherehespentallhisfreetime;here,inthisman-madehell,thefiendishphysicianofAuschwitzmademecutopenthebodiesofhundredsoffreshlymurderedpeople,whosefleshwasalsousedforthecultivationofbacteriainanelectricincubator.Obsessedwiththebeliefthathehadbeenchosento

discoverthecauseofmultiplebirths,here,withinthesebloodstainedwalls,Dr.Mengelesathunchedforhoursatatimeoverhismicroscopes.Today,however,Inoticed

thatheappearedtired.HehadjustcomefromtheJewishunloadingplatform,wherehehadstoodforhoursinabitingrain,selectingtheinhabitantsoftheRigaghetto.Asusual,though,"selection"wasno

longeraveryapplicableterm,foreveryonehadbeensenttotheleft.Bothcrematoriumsstillinoperationwerefull,aswastheimmensepyreditch.TocopewiththisnewinfluxtheranksofthenewSonderkommandohadbeenincreasedto460men.Dr.Mengeleapproached

thetablewithoutbotheringtotakeoffhiscoatandkepi,whichweresoakedthrough.Infacthedidnotevenseem

tonoticethem."Captain,"Isaid,"letme

takeyourhatandcoatintotheovenroom.They'llbedryinfiveminutes.""Nevermind,"hereplied,

"thewaterwon'tgetanyfartherthanmyskinanyway."Heaskedtoseethe

dissectionreportontheRussianofficer.Ihandedittohimandhebegantoread.Afterreadingthreeorfourlineshehandeditbacktome.

"I'mverytired,"hesaid."Youreadit."ButafterIhadproceededonlyafewlinesheinterruptedmeagain."Letitgo,"hesaid,"thatwon'tbenecessary."Andhisgazewanderedtothewindow,outofwhichhestaredabsently.Whatcouldhavehappened

tothisman?Coulditbethathehadhadenoughofallthishorror?Orhadhereceivedsomebadnewsinforminghimthathenceforthallthis

wasmeaningless?Itwasalsopossiblethatthestrainoftheprecedingmonthshadatlastbeguntotakeitstoll.Duringournumerous

contactsandtalkstogether,Dr.MengelehadnevergrantedmewhatImightcallaprivateconversation.Butnow,seeinghimsodepressed,Iscrewedupmycourage."Captain,"Isaid,"whenisallthisdestructiongoingtocease?"

Helookedatmeandreplied:"MeinFreund!Esgehtimmerweiter,immerweiter!Myfriend,itgoesonandon,onandon..."Hiswordsseemedtobetrayanoteofsilentresignation.Hegotupfromhischair

andleftthelaboratory,hisbriefcaseinhishand.Iaccompaniedhimtohiscar."Duringthenextfewdays

you'llhavesomeinterestingwork,"hesaid,andwiththese

wordsheclimbedintohiscaranddroveaway.Ishudderedatthethought.

Nodoubtthis"interestingwork"meantanewgroupoftwins.

XXIXThecrematoriumswere

beingreadied.ThemenoftheSonderkommandowereredoingtherefractorysurfacesofthefurnaceentrances,paintingtheheavyirondoorsandoilingthehinges.Thedynamosandventilatorswererunningalldaylong.Aspecialistmadesuretheywerefunctioningproperly.Thearrivalofthe

Litzmannstadtghettohadbeenannounced.Thisghetto,itshouldbe

noted,wasestablishedbytheGermansin1939.Inthebeginningithadhousedsome50,000souls,whoworkedinenormouswarfactories.Inexchangefortheirwork,theywerepaidin"ghettoMarks,"butonlyinsufficientquantitiestobuyameagersupplyoffood.Needlesstosay,thedifferencebetween

theworkeffortfurnishedandthefoodconsumedresultedinahighmortalityrate.Numerousepidemicsalsodecimatedtheirranks.Thus,bythefallof1944,only70,000oftheoriginalhalfmillionwereleft.Andnowthefatalhourhad

arrivedfortheseremainingfew.TheyarrivedattheJewishrampingroupsof10,000.Theselectionsent95percenttotheleft,only5per

centtotheright.Persecutedandtortured,

physicallyandmorallybrokenbyfiveyearsofghettolife,bowedbytheknowledgeoftheiraccursedrace'stragicdestiny,agedbyforcedlabor,theyarrivedcompletelyapathetic.Althoughtheyrealizedastheycrossedthethresholdofthecrematoriumthattheywereenteringuponthelastlapoftheirlives,therewasanairof

indifferenceaboutthem.Idescendedintothe

undressingroom.Theirclothesandshoeswerestrewnaboutthefloor.Butthen,itwouldhavebeendifficulttohangoncoathangersthesescrapsofleatherandwoodthatpassedforshoes.Nordidthecloakroomnumbertheywereassignedarousetheirinterest.Theysettheirhandluggagedownanywherethey

happenedtobe.ThemenoftheSonderkommandowhosejobitwastosorttheirbelongingsopenedafewpackagesandshowedmetheircontents:afewbiscuitsmadeofcornflour,waterandabitoflinseedoil,and,insomecases,threeorfourpoundsofoatmeal;thatwasalltheyhad.Whentheconvoysarrived,

Dr.Mengeleespied,amongthoselinedupforselection,a

hunchbackedmanaboutfiftyyearsold.Hewasnotalone;standingbesidehimwasatall,handsomeboyoffifteenorsixteen.Thelatter,however,hadadeformedrightfoot,whichhadbeencorrectedbyanapparatusmadeofametalplateandanorthopedic,thick-soledshoe.Theywerefatherandson.Dr.Mengelethoughthehaddiscovered,inthepersonofthehunchbackfatherandhis

lameson,asovereignexampletodemonstratehistheoryoftheJewishrace'sdegeneracy.Hehadthemfalloutofranksimmediately.Takinghisnotebook,heinscribedsomethinginit,andentrustedthetwowretchestothecareofanSStrooper,whotookthemtonumberonecrematorium.Itwasaroundnoon.

Numberonewasnotworkingthatday.Havingnothingto

doforthemoment,Iwasinmyroomidlingawaythetime.TheSSsoldierondutycameinandaskedmetoreporttothegate.Thefatherandson,accompaniedbytheSSguard,werealreadythere.Itookthemessagesentme,whichread:"Dissectingroom,numberonecrematorium:thatthesetwomenbeexaminedfromaclinicalpointofview;thatexactmeasurementsofthe

twomenbemade;thatclinicalrecordsbesetupincludingallinterestingdetails,andmostespeciallythoserelativetothecauseswhichprovokedthebodilydeformities."Asecondnotewas

enclosedforOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld.EvenwithoutreadingitIknewwhatitsaid.IentrusteditfortransmissiontoaSonderman.

Fatherandson—theirfaceswanfromtheirmiserableyearsintheLitzmannstadtghetto—werefilledwithforebodings.Theylookedatmequestioningly.Itookthemacrossthecourtyard,whichatthishourofthedaywasfilledwithsunlight.OnourwaytothedissectingroomIreassuredthemwithafewwell-chosenwords.Luckilytherewerenocorpsesonthedissecting

table;itwouldhaveindeedbeenahorriblesightforthemtocomeupon.TosparethemIdecided

nottoconducttheexaminationintheausteredissectingroom,whichreekedwiththeodorofformaldehyde,butinthepleasant,well-lightedstudyhall.Fromourconversation,IlearnedthatthefatherhadbeenarespectedcitizenofLitzmannstadt,awholesaler

incloth.DuringtheyearsofpeacebetweenwarshehadoftentakenhissonwithhimonhisbusinesstripstoVienna,tohavehimexaminedandtreatedbythemostfamousspecialists.Ifirstexaminedthefather

indetail,omittingnothing.Thedeviationofhisspinalcolumnwastheresultofretardedrickets.Inspiteofamostthoroughexamination,Idiscoverednosymptomof

anyotherillness.Itriedtoconsolehimby

sayingthathewouldprobablybesenttoaworkcamp.Beforeproceedingtothe

examinationoftheboyIconversedwithhimatsomelength.Hehadapleasantface,anintelligentlook,buthismoralewasbadlyshaken.Tremblingwithfear,herelatedinanexpressionlessvoicethesad,painful,

sometimesterribleeventswhichhadmarkedhisfiveyearsintheghetto.Hismother,afrailandsensitivecreature,hadnotbeenabletolongenduretheordealswhichhadbefallenher.Shehadbecomemelancholicanddepressed.Forweeksonendshehadeatenalmostnothing,sothathersonandhusbandmighthavealittlemorefood.AtruewifeandJewishmother,whohadlovedher

owntothepointofmadness,shehaddiedamartyrduringthefirstyearofherlifeintheghetto.Soitwasthattheyhadlivedintheghetto,thefatherwithouthiswife,thesonwithouthismother.Andnowtheywerein

numberonecrematorium.OnceagainIwasstruckbythehorribleironyofthesituation.I,aJewishdoctor,hadtoexaminethemwithexactclinicalmethodsbefore

theydied,andthenperformthedissectionontheirstillwarmbodies.SoshakenwasIbythesituation,aboutwhichIwaspowerlesstodoanythingatall,thatIsuddenlyfeltmyselfspinningclosetotheedgeofmadness.Bywhosewillhadsuchevil,suchasuccessionofhorrorsbeenmadetodescenduponourwretchedpeople?CouldthisbethewillofGod?No;Icouldnotbelieveit.

Byanimmenseeffortofself-controlIgotholdofmyselfandexaminedtheboy.OnhisrightfootInoticedacongenitaldeformity:someofthemuscleswerelacking.Themedicaltermusedto

describethisdeformityishypomyelia.Icouldseethatextremelyexperthandshadpracticedseveraloperationsonhim,butasaresultonefootwasshorterthantheother.Withabandageand

orthopedicsocks,however,hecouldwalkperfectlywell.Isawnootherdeformitytobeindicated.Iaskedthemiftheywanted

somethingtoeat."Wehaven'thadanything

toeatforsometime,"theytoldme.Icalledamanfromthe

Sonderkommandoandhadsomefoodbroughtforthem:aplateofstewedbeefandmacaroni,adishnottobe

foundoutsidetheconfinesoftheSonderkommando.Theybegantoeatravenously,unawarethatthiswastheir"LastSupper."Scarcelyhalfanhourlater

OberschaarfuhrerMussfeldappearedwithfourSonderkommandomen.Theytookthetwoprisonersintothefurnaceroomandhadthemundress.ThentheObefsrevolvercrackedtwice.Fatherandsonwerestretched

outontheconcrete,coveredwithblood,dead.OberschaarfuhrerMussfeldhadfaithfullyexecutedDr.Mengele'sorders.Nowitwasmyturnagain.

Thetwobodieswerebroughtbackintothedissectingroom.SosickenedwasIbywhathadjusthappenedthatIentrustedthedissectiontomyassociatesandconfinedmyselftorecordingthedata.Thedissectionrevealed

nothingmorethanIhadpreviouslyascertainedinmyinvivoexamination.Thecaseswerebanal,butcouldneverthelessveryeasilybeutilizedaspropagandainsupportoftheThirdReich'stheoryconcerningthedegeneracyoftheJewishrace.Lateintheafternoon,

alreadyhavingsentatleast10,000mentotheirdeath,Dr.Mengelearrived.Helistened

attentivelytomyreportconcerningboththeinvivoandpostmortemobservationsmadeonthetwovictims."Thesebodiesmustnotbe

cremated,"hesaid."TheymustbepreparedandtheirskeletonssenttotheAnthropologicalMuseuminBerlin.Whatsystemsdoyouknowforthepreparationofskeletons?""Therearetwomethods,"I

said."Thefirstconsistsof

immersingthebodiesinlimechloride,whichconsumesallthesoftpartsinabouttwoweeks'time.Thenthebodiesareimmersedinagasolinebath,whichdissolvesallthefatandmakestheskeletonsdry,odorlessandwhite.Thenthere'sasecondmethod:bycooking.Whatyoudothereisboilthebodiesinwateruntilthefleshcaneasilybestrippedfromthebones.Thenthesamegasolinebathis

applied."Dr.Mengeleorderedmeto

usethequickestmethod:bycooking.IntheKZorderswere

alwayscursory.Howtheprisonersshouldgoaboutprocuringthematerialsnecessaryfortheirexecutionwasneverspecified.Theorderhadtobecarriedout,andthatwasasmuchaswasknown.Iwasthereforefacedwithaseriousproblem:what

couldIhavethebodiescookedin?IputthequestiontoOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld.ItoldhimthatIhadtwobodiesthathadtobecooked,butthatIdidn'thaveany...Evenhewashorrifiedby

mytale.Hethoughtforaminute,thenrememberedthatthereweretwoironcasksinthecourtyardwhichweregenerallyusedinthestorehouse.Heputthemat

mydisposalandadvisedmetoplacethemonbricksinthecourtyardandtolightanopenfirebeneaththem.Thebasewasprepared,and

thetwocasks,containingthebodies,placeduponit.TwoSonderkommandomenweregiventhejobofgatheringwoodandkeepingthefirehot.Afterfivehours,Itestedthebodiesandfoundthatthesoftpartswerenoweasilyseparablefromthebones.I

orderedthefiretobeputout,butthecaskshadtostaythereuntiltheycooled.Havingnothingelsetodo,I

remainedseatedbeneathalittlearbornotfarfromthecasks.Adeepsilencesurroundedme.Someprisoner-masonswereintheprocessofrepairingthecrematoriumchimneys.Duskwasfalling.Thecasksoughttobecoldbynow.Iwasjustabouttohavethememptied

whenoneofmymencamerunninguptomeandsaid:"Doctor,hurry,thePolesareeatingthemeatinthecasks!"Itookoffasfastasmylegs

couldcarryme.Fourmen,dressedinthestripedjerkinofprisoners,werestandingbesidethecasks,struckdumbwithhorror.TheywerethePolish

masonsIhadnoticedearlier.Theyhadfinishedtheirworkandwerewaitinginthe

courtyardfortheirguardstocomeandtakethembacktoAuschwitzI.Starved,theyhadbeenscroungingforsomefoodwhenbychancetheyhadcomeuponthecasks,whichhadbeenleftunguardedforafewminutes.ThinkingitwastheSonderkommandomeatwhichwasbeingcooked,theyhadsniffedatit,thenfetchedupsomepiecesoffleshwhichwerenotcoveredwithskin

andbeguntoeatthem.Theyhadnotgottenvery

far,however,forthetwoSonderkommandomendetailedtosupervisethecookingandwatchthecaskshadseenwhatwashappeningandhurriedback.Whentheylearnedwhat

kindofmeatitwastheyhadbeeneating,thePolesweresick,horrified,paralyzed.Afterthegasolinebath,the

labassistantverycompletely

gatheredupthebonesoftheskeletonsandplacedthemonthesameworktablewhere,theeveningbefore,Ihadexaminedthestilllivingmen.Dr.Mengelewashighly

pleased.Hehadbroughtseveralfellowofficerswithhim.Theypompouslyexaminedcertainpartsoftheskeletonsandlaunchedintohigh-sounding,scientificterms,talkingasifthetwovictimsrepresentedan

extremelyraremedicalphenomenon.Theyabandonedthemselvescompletelytotheirpseudoscience.Andyet,farfrombeingan

extraordinaryabnormality,itiscommontohundredsofthousandsofmenofallracesandclimates.Evenadoctorwhosepracticeislimitedhasoftencomeacrossit.Butthesetwocasescould,bytheirverynature,beexploited

asusefulpropaganda.Nazipropagandaneverhesitatedtoclotheitsmonstrousliesinscientificapparel.Themethodoftenworkedtoo,sincethosetowardswhomtheseliesweredirectedusuallyhadlittleornocriticalfaculty,andacceptedasfacteverythingwhichboretheregime'sstampofapproval.Theskeletonswere

wrappedinlargesacksofstrongpaper,andforwarded

toBerlin,marked:"Urgent:NationalDefense."Iwasrelievedthattheywerefinallyoutofmysight,fortheyhadcausedmemanybitterhours,bothwhiletheywerestillaliveandaftertheirdeath.Attheendofaweek'stime,

theliquidationoftheLitzmannstadtghettohadbeencompleted.AcoldautumnrainreplacedthesunthathadwarmedthewaningdaysofOctober.Fogand

mistshroudedtheKZbarracks;mypastand

futurealsodissolved,asinaseaofmist.Theraincontinuedforseveraldays,andthewetcold,thatpenetratedtothebone,mademybitternessallthemoreacute.EverywhereIwent,everywhereIlooked,Isawonlyelectrifiedbarbedwirestoremindmehowvainitwastohope.Onthethirddayfollowing

theliquidationoftheLitzmannstadtghetto,theheadoftheSonderkommandobroughtinawomanandtwochildren,drenchedtotheskinandshiveringwiththecold.Theyhadescapedwhenthelastconvoyhadbeensenttoitsdeath.Guessingwhatwasinstoreforthem,theyhadhiddenbehindthepilesofwoodthatwereusedforheatingandthat,forlackofabetterplace,werestoredin

thecourtyard.Theirconvoyhaddisappeared,swallowedbytheearthbeforetheirveryeyes.Andnoonehadeverreturned.Numbwithfearandcold,theyhadwaitedthereforsomemiraculousturnoffatetodeliverthem.Butnothinghadhappened.Forthreedaystheyhadhiddenintherainandcold,withnothingtoeat,theirragsscantprotectionagainsttheelements,tillfinallythe

Sonderkommandochiefhadfoundthem,almostunconscious,whilemakinghisrounds.Unabletohelptheminanyway,hehadtakenthemtotheOberschaarfuhrer.Thewoman,whowas

about30butwholookedcloserto50,hadgatheredherwaningforcesandthrownherselfatMussfeld'sfeet,begginghimtospareherlifeandthoseofherten-and

twelve-year-oldchildren.Shehadworkedforfiveyearsinaclothingfactoryintheghetto,shesaid,makinguniformsfortheGermanarmy.Shewasstillwillingtowork,todoanything,ifonlytheywouldletherlive.Allthiswasquiteuseless.

Heretherewasnosalvation.Theyhadtodie.YettheKZ'spastmustalsohavehaditseffectontheOber;hesentanothermaninhisplaceto

performthemurder.

XXXThatwasanotherlittle

episodeweforgot,foritwasabsolutelynecessarytoforgetitifwewantedtokeepfromgoingmad.Darknessbeforeanddarknessbehind...Asalways,drinkwasa

greathelp,amomentarybutnecessaryrespite.WhenIthoughtofthepast,itoftenseemedtomethatallthiswasmerelyahorribledream.My

onlydesirewastoforgeteverything,tothinkofnothing.ItwasnowNovember,

1944.Snowwasfallinginbigflakes,veilingeverythinginaswirlofwhite.Thewatchtowerswerebarelyvisible,vaguefingersofgrayrisingaboveus.Thewindsangevenlouderinthebarbedwires,andstilltheonlybirdstodarkentheskywerethecrows.

Iwentforashortwalkbeforenightfall.Theweatherwashardlyconducive,butthecoldwindwasinvigorating,soothingmytirednerves.Imadeseveralturnsaroundthecourtyard;mystepstookmepastthestairwayleadingdownintothegaschambers.Ipausedthereforafewseconds,rememberingthattodaywasAllSaints'Day.Adeadly

silencebroodedover

Auschwitz.Thecoldconcretestepsdescendedanddissolvedintodarkness.Thesesamestepswherefourmillionpeople,guiltyofnocrime,hadbadelifegoodbyeanddescendedtotheirdeath,knowingthatevenindeaththeirtormentedbodieswouldnotbegrantedthesanctuaryofagrave.Standingtherealone,onthetopstepofthis,theirlastbriefvoyageonearth,Ifeltitmydutyto

pauseandthinkofthemforamomentwithheartfeltcompassion,inthenameoftheirrelativesandfriendswho,perhapshappyandwell,werestillalivesomewhereintheworld.Ileftthegodforsakenspot

andreturnedtomyroom.Openingthedoor,Inoticedthattheroomwasnotlightedasusualbyastrongbulb,butbytheflickeringlightofasinglecandle.Myfirst

impressionwasthattheremustbesomethingwrongwiththeelectricity.ButthenIsawthatmyassociate,theex-professoroftheSzombathelyMedicalSchool,wassittingwithhiselbowsonthetable,hisheadrestinginhishands,hisemptyeyesstaringatthecandleflame,histhoughtsathousandmilesaway.Hedidnotevennoticemypresence.Theeerylightflickeredstrangelyonhisface.I

touchedhimlightlyontheshoulder:"Denis,"Isaidsoftly,"in

whosememorydidyoulightacandlehere?"Hisreplywasconfused.He

mumbledsomethingabouthisfather-in-lawandhismother-in-law,bothofwhomhadbeendeadforfifteenyears,anddidnotevenmentionhiswifeandsonwho,accordingtothetestimonyofsomeoftheSonderkommando

members,hadperishedhere.Itwaseasytoseethathewasdisplayingallthesymptomsofdepressivemelancholyandregressiveamnesia.Takinghimbythe

shoulders,Ihelpedhimacrosstheroomandputhimtobed,thenstoodthere,gazingdownathim.Poorfriendandlearned

physician,mysensitiveandgentlecompanion,insteadoftreatingandcuringthesick

youyourselfhavefallenbeneaththeyokeofdeath,andnowbelongtodeath'skingdom.Formanymonthsyouhavewitnessedsuchsufferingandhorrorasthehumanmindcanscarcelyconceive,ashewhoseescannotbelieve.Perhapsitisforthebestthatyournerveshavebetrayedyou,thatabenevolentveilofforgetfulnesshasfallenuponyourmind.Now,atleast,you

neednotfretorworryaboutwhatthefuturemayholdinstoreforyou.

XXXIAfterseveraldaysof

silence,thecustomarynoisesofthecrematoriumbeganagain.Themotorsofthebigventilatorspurredonceagain,reawakeningthefurnaceflames.ThearrivaloftheTheresienstadtghettohadbeenannounced.Sincethefoundingofthe

CzechoslovakianRepublic,Theresienstadthadbeen

primarilyagarrisontown.TheGermans,however,changedtheappearanceofthecitycompletely,tothepointofmovingthecivilianpopulationawayandsettingupamodelghettothere.ThisghettohousedJewsdeportedfromAustria,HollandandCzechoslovakiaitself,about60,000inall.Thelivingconditionsoftheinhabitantswererelativelygood.Theycouldexercisetheir

professionsfreely,receiveandsendmail,andtheywereaidedbytheRedCross.Infact,teamsfromtheInternationalRedCrosspaidperiodicvisitstothelittlecityand,oneachoccasion,madefavorablereportsconcerningthelivingconditionsandtreatmentofprisoners.ThustheGermansgotwhat

theywantedfromthecreationofthismodelghetto,forthesereportsbythe

InternationalRedCrosshadtheeffectofneutralizing,orbetteryet,ofqualifyingasevilslandertherumorsgoingroundconcerningthehorrorsoftheKZandthecrematoriums.Butnow,ontheeveofits

collapse,theThirdReichceasedtoworryanylongeraboutworldopinion,andrejectedeventhemaskofitsshadyhumanism.Itbegantoliquidatewithoutdelaythe

Jewsstillinitscustody.Soitwasthattheturnof

themodelghettoatTheresienstadtarrived.WhentheyreachedAuschwitz,thestillhealthymenofthisghettohadthefollowingconvocationintheirpossession:GOVERNMENTALSS

COMMITTEEOFTHEREICHFORTHERECRUITINGANDEMPLOYMENTOFSLAVE

LABORERSNotice:TheJewXYofthe

Reichprotectorateisherebyadvisedthatbyorderoftheabove-mentionedauthority,hehasbeendesignatedfortheServiceofObligatoryLabor.Thedrafteeshall,beforehisdeparture,deposithisinstruments,thetoolsnecessarytotheexerciseofhisprofession,asupplyofwinterclothing,andfoodenoughforoneweek,withtheauthority'srepresentative.Thedateofdeparturewillbeannouncedbypublicnotice.THERESIENSTADT,THE

DATESignatureThewholestoryof

obligatorylaborwasofcourseaninfamouslie,merelyapretexttocarryouttheliquidationwithoutinterruptionandtorecoupsomesorelyneededinstruments,scarcetoolsandwinterclothingneededbytheGermanpopulace.Twentythousandmen,fullycapableofworkingandinthefullflushoftheiryouth,diedin

thegaschambersandwereincineratedinthecrematoryovens.Ittook48hourstoexterminatethemall.Forseveraldaysafterwards,silenceagainreignedinthecrematorium.Twoweekslater,stillmore

deporteetrainsbeganarriving,inendlesssuccession,attheJewishramp.Womenandchildrenscrambledoutoftheboxcars.Therewasnoselection.All

weredirectedtotheleft.Onthefloorofthe

undressingroomlayhundredsoftracts,whichread:GOVERNMENTALSS

COMMITTEEOFTHEREICHFORTHERECRUITINGANDEMPLOYMENTOFSLAVELABORERSNotice:Theabove-mentioned

authorityherebyauthorizesthewifeandchildrenofJewXYoftheReichprotectorate,calledfor

ObligatoryLabor,tojointheabove-namedJewandtolivetogetherwithhimforthedurationofhisemployment.Suitablelodgingsareanticipated.Winterclothing,bedding,andprovisionsforaweekwillbefurnishedbythetravelers.THERESIENSTADT,THE

DATESignatureAsaresultofthis

diabolicallyconceivednotice,twentythousandwomenandchildrenwhowantedonlytoeasetheirhusbands'lot,to

jointheirfathers,followedthemintothegaschambersandcrematoryovens.

XXXIIEarlyinthemorningof

November17th,1944,anSSnoncommissionedofficercameintomyroomandinformedmeconfidentiallythat,uponorderofhigherauthority,itwashenceforthforbiddentokillanymoreprisoners,byanymeanswhatsoever,intheKZ.Afterhavingwitnessedsomanylies,Ifounditimpossibleto

takehimathisword,andexpressedmydoubtsonthematter.Buthereassertedforcefullythatsuchweretheinstructionsthathadbeenreceivedbyradioonlyashortwhilebefore,bothatthecrematoriumsandattheSSpoliticalkommando.Wewouldsoonseewhetherornottheyweretrue.Personally,Ifeareditwasonlyanothertrick.Beforetheendofthe

morning,however,Ihadoccasiontoverifythetruthofhisstatement.Atrainoffiveboxcarsbearing500sickanddebilitatedprisonerswhothoughttheywerebeingtransferredtoarestcampstoppedontherailsrunningbetweennumberoneandtwocrematoriums.TheyweremetbyanSSpoliticalcommission,whoconversedatsomelengthwiththecommandantandtheSS

guardsaccompanyingtheconvoy.Atlast,beforethegatesofdeath,thetrainwasturnedround,anditsoccupantssenttotheFcamphospitalbarracks.Thiswasthefirsttime

duringmystayinthecrematoriumsthataconvoysenttoAuschwitz's"restcamp"hadnotbeenliquidated,eitherbygasortheOber'srevolver,withinanhourafteritsarrival,buthad,

onthecontrary,beengivenmedicalattentionandallowedtorestinthebedsofthecamp'shospitalbarracks.Scarcelyanhourlater

anothertrainarrived,bearing500SlovakianJews:agroupofoldpeople,women,andyoungchildren.Theygotoutofthecars.Iwatchedcarefullyforwhatwouldfollow.LineupandselectionwerethestandardorderofprocedureontheJewish

ramp.ButwhatInowwitnessedwascompletelyoutofkeepingwithpractice.ThewearytravelerstooktheirheavyluggagewiththemwhentheygotdownandwithoutexceptionmovedofftotherightinthedirectionofDCamp.Motherspushedbabycarriagesbeforethem,andtheyounghelpedtheagedtowalk.Myimmediatereactionwasoneofenthusiasm.Therecouldbe

nodoubtaboutit:thecrematoriumgateshadremainedclosedbeforetheconvoyssenttotheirdeath.FortheKZprisonersthe

eventwasagoodomen,givingrisetohope.FortheSonderkommando,however,theomenwasbad,signifyingthattheendwasnear.Iwasquitesurethattheliquidationwouldbecarriedoutevenbeforetheendofthefour-monthperiod.

AnewlifebeganintheKZ.Therewerenomoreviolentdeaths,butthebloodypasthadtobehidden.Thecrematoriumshadtobedemolished,thepyreditchesfilledin,andanywitnesstoorparticipantinthehorrorsperpetratedherehadtodisappear.Fullyconsciousofourimpendingdoom,wegreetedthechangewithamixtureofjoyandresignation.

OfthemillionsofsoulssentherefromthefourcornersofEurope,byorderofthedementedFuhrer,thepyromaniacoftheThirdReich,tobeassembledlessthananhourbeforetheirdeathonunloadingrampsominouslylightedbythebutchersofMaydanek,Treblinka,Auschwitz,Birkenau,afewthousandwouldcomeoutalive.Feelinguneasy,Ipaida

returnvisitaboutnoontotheSSradiomanwhohadinformedmeofthegoodnewsearlierintheday.Iwantedtoknowwhatdecisionshadbeenmadeinthecourseofthemorning.HadanydecisionbeenmadeconcerningtheSonderkommando,and,ifso,what?LuckilyhewasaloneintheroomandIcouldtalktohimfreely."TheSonderkommando?

Whyyes,"hesaidaffably."Inafewdaysyou'llallbesenttoworkinanundergroundwarplantnotfarfromBreslau."Ididnotbelieveawordof

whathesaid.Foronce,however,Iknewthathislieswerenotintendedtolullmeintoafalsesenseofsecurity.Hemerelywantedtosparemethebadnews,fornotsolongagoIhadcaredforhimandcuredhimofaseriousillness.

XXXIIIItwas2p.m.Ihadjust

finishedlunchandwasseatedbythewindowofmyroom,staringattheskyandclouds,thatborethepromiseofanearlysnow,whenastridentyellfromtheoven-roompassagewaybrokethesilence:"Alleantreten,alle

antreten!"Thiswasanorderwewereaccustomedtohearingtwiceaday,inthe

morningandevening,formuster.Comingatthishour,however,itaugurednogood."Antreten,alleantreten!"

theorderrangoutagain,thistimemoreperemptoryandimpatientthanbefore.Heavyfootstepsresounded

justinfrontofourdoor.AnSSopeneditacrackandshoutedagain:"Antreten,antreten!"Withsinkingheartsweheadedforthecrematoriumcourtyard,

whereagroupofwell-armedSSalreadyencircledagroupofkommandomenaswewalkeduptojointhem.Therewasneithersurprisenorthefaintestsignofprotestfromanyone.TheSS,theirmachinegunsleveled,waitedpatientlytillthelaststragglershadjoinedthegroup.Iglancedaroundforthelasttime.Themotionlesspinesthatformedalittletunnelattheendofthe

courtyardwereblanketedwithsnow.Allwasquietandverypeaceful.Inafewminutes,anorder:

"Totheleft,totheleft!"Weleftthecourtyard,butinsteadofgoingalongtheroad,ourguardshaduswalktowardsnumbertwocrematorium,directlyopposite.Wecrossedthecourtyardofnumbertwo,knowingthatthiswouldbethelastwalkwewouldevertake.Theyledusintothe

crematoriumfurnaceroom,butnoneoftheSSguardsremainedinsidewithus.Instead,theyspreadoutinacirclearoundthebuilding,stationedatintervalsnearthedoorsandwindows,theirgunspoised,readytofire.Thedoorswereshutandthewindowscoveredwithheavyironbars,completelythwartinganypossibilityofescape.Ourcomradesfromnumbertwowerealso

present,andafewminuteslatertheyunlockedthedoorandsentinthekommandofromnumberfour.Fourhundredandsixtymeninall,waitingtodie.Theonlythingwedidnotknowforsurewasthemethodthatwouldbeusedtoexterminateus.Wewerespecialistsinthematter,havingseenallmethodsinoperation.Woulditbeinthegaschamber?Ihardlythoughtso,notwiththe

Sonderkommando.Machineguns?Notatallconvenientinaroomlikethis.Mostlikelytheyintendedkillingtwobirdswithonestone,thatis,blowupthebuildingandusalongwithit.AplanworthyoftheSS.Orperhapstheywouldtossaphosphorousbombthroughoneofthewindows.Thatwouldbeanequallyeffectivemethod,onethathadalreadybeentriedbefore,onthedeporteesfrom

theMiloghetto.Whattheyhaddonethenwasloadthedeporteesintoboxcarsthatweresodilapidatedastobeofnofurtheruse,thentossabombinside.Themenofthe

Sonderkommandoweresittingontheconcretefloorofthefurnaceroomwherevertheycouldfindroom,waitinganxiouslybutsilentlyforthenextmove.Suddenlythesilencewas

broken.Oneofthekommandocrew,athin,sickly,black-hairedmanaboutthirtyyearsoldwhoseeyesweremagnifiedbyapairofthickglasses,jumpedtohisfeetandbegantospeakinavoiceloudenoughforeveryonetohear.Itwasthe"Dayen,"therabbiofasmallchurchcommunityinPoland.Aself-taughtman,whoseknowledgewasvastbothinthespiritualandtemporal

realms,hewastheasceticmemberoftheSonderkommando.Inconformancewiththetenetsofhisreligion,heatesparingly,acceptingonlybread,margarineandonionsfromthewell-stockedkommandolarder.Hehadbeenassignedtothecremationkommando,butbecauseofhisreligiousfanaticismIhadtalkedtheOberintoexcusinghimfrom

thisfrightfulwork.TheargumentIhadusedwiththeOberhadsimplybeenthatthismancouldnotbeofmuchusefortheheavyworkinvolvedincremation,sincehewasweakfromhisself-imposed,asceticdiet."Besides,"Ihadargued,"heonlyslowsuptheworkbypausingovereachbodytomurmurprayersforitssalvation.Andthereareoftenseveralthousandsoulsaday

toprayfor."Thesehadbeenmy

arguments,buttheyhadsufficed,strangelyenough,andtheOberhadassignedhimtoburnthepileofrefusewhichwasforeveraccumulatinginthecourtyardofnumbertwo.Thisrefuse,called"Canada"bytheSS,wascomposedofobjectsthathadoncebelongedtothedeportees,objectsofsuchlittlematerialvaluethatthey

wereconsiderednotworthbeingsalvaged:variousfoodstuffs,documents,diplomas,militarydecorations,passports,marriagecertificates,prayerbooks,holyobjectsandBiblesthatthedeporteeshadbroughtwiththemintocaptivity.Thislittlehillcalled

Canadadailyconsumedhundredsofthousandsofphotographs—picturesof

youngmarriedcouples,elderlygroups,charmingchildrenandprettygirls—togetherwithinnumerableprayerbooks,inmanyofwhichIfoundcarefullyinkednotationsrecordingthedatesofimportantevents—births,marriages,deaths—inthelivesofthevariousfamilies.Sometimestherewereflowers,culledfromthegravesofbelovedparentsinalltheJewishcemeteriesof

Europe,pressedbetweenthepagesandpiouslypreserved.Prayerbeadsandoddsandendsofallsortsroundedoutthesmolderinghill.Thiswaswherethe

"Dayen"worked,orrather,wherehedidnotwork,forallhedidwaswatchthefiresburn.Evensohewasdissatisfied,forhisreligiousbeliefsforbadehimfromparticipatingintheburningofprayerbooksorholyobjects.

Ifeltsorryforhim,butcoulddonothingfurthertohelphim.Itwasimpossibletoobtainaneasierjob,forwewere,afterall,onlymembersofthekommandoofthelivingdead.Thisthenwasthemanwho

begantospeak:"FellowJews...An

inscrutableWillhassentourpeopletoitsdeath;fatehasallottedusthecruelestoftasks,thatofparticipatingin

ourowndestruction,ofwitnessingourowndisappearance,downtotheveryashestowhichwearereduced.Innoinstancehavetheheavensopenedtosendshowersandputoutthefuneralpyreflames."Wemustaccept,

resignedly,asSonsofIsraelshould,thatthisisthewaythingsmustbe.Godhassoordainedit.Why?Itisnotforus,miserablehumans,toseek

theanswer."Thisisthefatethathas

befallenus.Donotbeafraidofdeath.Whatislifeworth,evenif,bysomestrangemiracle,weshouldmanagetoremainalive?Wewouldreturntoourcitiesandtownstofindcoldandpillagedhomes.Ineveryroom,ineverycorner,thememoryofthosewhohavedisappearedwouldlurk,hauntingourtear-filledeyes.Strippedoffamily

andrelatives,wewouldwanderliketherestless,shufflingshadowsofourformerselves,ofourcompletedpasts,findingnowhereanypeaceorrest."Flamesburnedinhiseyes;

histhinfacewastransfigured.Perhaps,ashespoke,hewasalreadyintouchwiththebeyond.Deadsilencefilledtheroom,interruptedonlybytheoccasionalscratchingofamatchassomeonelighteda

cigarette.Nowandthenaheavysighexpressedalastfarewellbidbyoneofustothelivingandtothedead.Theheavydoorsswung

open.OberschaarfuhrerSteinbergenteredtheroom,accompaniedbytwoguards,machinegunsinhand."Arzteheraus.Alldoctors

outside!"heshoutedimpatiently.MytwocolleaguesandI,

andthelabassistant,leftthe

room.SteinbergandthetwoSSsoldiershaltedhalfwaybetweenthetwocrematoriums.TheObergavemeasheafofpapershehadbeenholdinginhishandonwhichtherewasalistofnumbersandtoldmetofindmineandstrikeitout.ThepaperscontainedthetattoonumbersofeverymanintheSonderkommando.Itookoutmypenand,afterhuntingforawhile,foundmynumber

anddrewalinethroughit.Hethentoldmetodothesameformycomrades.Thisdone,heaccompaniedustonumberonegateandtoldustoreturntoourroom,andnottoleaveit.Wedidasordered.Thefollowingmorninga

five-truckconvoyarrivedinthecrematoriumcourtyardanddumpedoutitscargoofbodies,thoseoftheoldSonderkommando.Anewgroupofthirtymencarried

themtotheincinerationroom,wheretheywerelaidoutinfrontoftheovens.Terribleburnscarscoveredtheirbodies.Theirfacesandclothingweresocharredthatitwasallbutimpossibletoidentifythem,especiallysincetheirtattoonumbershaddisappeared.Afterdeathbygas,onthe

pyre,bychloroforminjections,byabulletinthebackoftheneck,by

phosphorousbomb,herewasasixthwayofkillingwhichIhadnotpreviouslydiscovered.Duringthenightour

comradeshadbeentakenintoanearbyforestandkilledbyflamethrowers.Thatwefourwerestillalivedidnotbyanymeanssignifythattheywantedtospareus,butsimplythatwewerestillindispensabletothem.Inallowingustoremainalive,

Dr.Mengelehadmerelygrantedusanotherreprieve.Onceagain,thethoughtgaveusneithercomfortnorjoy.

XXXIVTheSonderkommando—

thirteenthinthehistoryofthecrematoriums—hadthusbeenannihilated.Nowourdaysslippedbyinuttersilenceandboredom.Atlooseends,wewanderedamongthecold,forbiddingwalls.Theringingofmyfootstepsinthesilencewaspainfultomyears.Weweregivennoorders,hadnothing

todo.Atnightwelayinbed,unabletosleep.Onlyfourofuswereleftinthebuilding.ThethirtymenwhoworkedinthecrematoriumwerenotmembersoftheSonderkommando,butwerequarteredintheKZitselfandcamehereeverydayonlytoburnthebodiesofthosewhohaddiedinthehospital.Silent,introspective,

prostratewithgrief,weawaitedourend.Itwasabad

signthatOberschaarfuhrerMussfeld,asifhehadbecomeadifferentperson,studiouslyavoidedmeetingus.Perhapshefeltthathehadfinishedplayinghisrole:thebloodytragedywasover,andsoonitwouldbetimeforthefatethatgovernsthebearersofforbiddensecretstostrikehimaswell.Fordaysatatimeheremainedlockedinhisroom,drinking,withanapparentlyunquenchable

thirst,toforgetboththepastandthedarklyloomingfuture.OnedayDr.Mengele

arrivedunexpectedlyandcamelookingforusinourroom,sinceheguessedthatwewouldnotbeinthedissectingroom,nowthatbusinesswasslow.HeannouncedthatordersfromabovehadbeenreceivedthattheAuschwitzKZwouldbecompletelydestroyed.No,in

thepresentinstancehewasnotreferringtoitsinhabitants,buttotheinstitutionitself.Twoofthecrematoriumswouldbedemolished,thethirdwouldservetemporarilyforthecremationofthehospital'sdead.Thedissectingroom,andwealongwithit,wouldbetransferredtonumberfour,whichwouldcontinueinoperation.Numbersoneandtwowouldbedestroyedat

once.Numberthree,ofcourse,hadbeencompletelydemolishedduringtheOctoberrevolt.Itwasbothanhistoricand

happymomentwhen,thefollowingmorning,akommandoofprisonersarrivedinthecourtyardand,splitupintotwogroups,beganthedemolitionofthebuildings.Seeingtheredbrickwallstumbleoneaftertheotherundertheeffectof

thedynamiteblasts,IhadapresentimentoftheThirdReich'sowndestruction.Jewshadbuiltit.Jewsweretearingitdown.NeverhadanyKZprisonersworkedwithanintensitysuchasIsawonthefacesofthosemen,whoseexpressionsreflectedthehopeofabetterlifetocome.Inthedissectingroom,

everythingmovablewaspacked.Asforthedissectiontable,onlythemarbleslabs

weredismantled,andreplacedbyconcretesupports.Themovingwasfinishedinafewhoursandwespentthenightinnumberfour.Afterarrangingtheequipmentandsettingupthetable—placingthepedestalsandcupsinposition—thedissectingroomwasonceagainreadytofunction.Fortendaysnothing

happened.Ourindolentlifecontinued.Moreandmore

oftenourSSguardssoughtrefugeindrunkenness.Itwasrarethattheyhadtheirwitsaboutthemformorethanafewminutesaday.Oneeveningwhilewewere

eatingdinner,OberschaarfuhrerMussfeldenteredunsteadily,leaneddrunkenlyonthetableandsaid:"GutenAbendJungs...Ihrwerdetbaldallekrepieren,nachheraberkommenwir."(Goodevening,

children,soonyou'regoingtodie,butafterwardsourturnwillcome.)Bythesewords,spilledfromthelipsofadrunkenman,IlearnedatruthIhadalreadysuspected.Ourguardsweregoingtodisappearwithus.Iofferedaglassofteawith

ashotofhotruminittotheOber,whoemptiedtheglassesasfastaswecouldfillthem,withobvioussatisfaction.Hesatdownat

ourtableand,asthoughhewantedtomakeupforhispastsilence,begantotalk.Hetoldhowhiswifehadbeenkilledduringanairraid,andthathissonwasontheRussianfront."It'sallover,"hesaid."The

Russiansarebarely40kilometersfromAuschwitz.ThewholeofGermanyisinexodusonthehighways.Everybodyisleavingthefrontierareastoseekrefuge

intheWest."Hiswordsdidourhearts

good.AndseeingtheObefsdespair,arayofhopebegantogrowinsideme.Perhapswewouldafterallsucceedinleavingherealive.

XXXVCondemnedtothatregion

midwaybetweenhopeanddespair,wesafelyreachedthefirstofJanuary,1945.Snowstillblanketedthecountrysideasfarastheeyecouldsee.Ileftthecrematoriumtotakeashortwalkaroundthecourtyard.Suddenlythepurrofa

powerfulmotorreachedmyears,andamomentlatera

largebrownvanappeared.Usedtotransportprisoners,thisvanwascalled"BrownToni"bythecampinmates,foritwaspaintedadarkbrownishcolor.Atallofficergotout.IrecognizedhimasDr.Klein,anSSmajor,oneoftheevil,bloody-handedKZofficials.Icametoattentionandgavehimtheregulationsalute.HehadbroughtahundrednewvictimsfromKZBarracks

number10,thatis,thecampprison."Here'ssomeworktostart

theNewYearwith,"hetoldtheOberwhohurrieduptogreethim.TheOberwassodrunkhe

couldhardlystandup.HehadapparentlygonealloutcelebratingtheNewYear.Whoknows,perhapshehadmerelybeensteelinghimselfagainsttheguards'impendingend.Atanyrate,itwas

evidentfromhisexpressionthathewasnotatallpleasedtolearnhehadbeengivenabloodyjobtoperformonNewYear'sDay.AhundredPolishprisoners,Christianmenall,hadbeenbroughtheretobemurdered.SSguardstookthemtoanemptyroomnexttothefurnaceroomandorderedthemtoundressimmediately.Dr.KleinandtheOber,meanwhile,tookastroll

aroundthecourtyard.Ihastenedtowherethe

prisonerswereundressingandbeganquestioningthemastothereasonsfortheirimprisonment.Oneofthemtoldmehehadgivenrefugetooneofhisrelatives,athishomeinKrakau.TheGestapohadaccusedhimofaidingpartisansandbroughthimtotrialbeforeacourt-martial.Whileawaitingsentence,hehadbeensenttoBarracks10

Althoughhedidnotyetknowit,thecourthadalreadycondemnedhimtodeath.Thatwaswhyhewashere.Hewasunderthemistakenimpression,however,thathehadbeenbroughthereforashowerbeforebeingassignedtoaforcedlaborbattalion.Anotherhadbeen

imprisonedforhavingaidedandabettedinflation.Aseriousoffense,tobesure.Justwhathadhiscrimebeen?

Why,hehadboughtapoundofbutterontheblackmarket.Athirdhadbeenjailedforhavingwanderedintoaforbiddenzone.Theyhadaccusedhimofbeingapartisanspy.ItwasmuchthesamestoryeverywhereIasked:minorslipsandinfractionsofthelawturnedintofabulous,trumped-upcharges.Nowthattherewasno

longeranySonderkommando,

theSSguardsledthementotheOber'srevolver.Again,thesoundof

"BrownToni's"powerfulmotor.Ahundrednewvictimsarrived,allwomen,quitewelldressed.Theyweresenttothesameroomwhere,onlyafewminutesbefore,themenhadundressed.ThenonebyonethewomenwerealsotakentotheOber'swaitinggun.TheytoowerePolishChristians;theytoo

paidwiththeirlivesforminorinfractionsofthelaw.Thecremationwascarried

outbytheSS,whoaskedmetofurnishthemwithrubberglovesforthejob.Assoonashehadmade

quitecertain,inviso,thatthe200prisonershadbeendulyexecuted,Dr.Kleinleftthecrematorium.TherewasnothingcontradictoryabouttheorderofNovember17thforbiddingthepracticeof

violentdeath,andtoday'sslaughter.Onthecontrary,alltheSShadjustdonewastocarryoutthesentencestenderedbyadulyconstitutedcourt-martial.

XXXVIMydayspassedquietly,

withoutinterruption.ItwasrumoredthatDr.MengelehadfledAuschwitz.TheKZhadanewdoctor,and,whatwasmore,fromnowontheareawasnolongertobecalledKZ,but"Arbeitslager,"thatis,"WorkCamp."Everythingwasbreakingupandfallingtopieces.OnthefirstofJanuarya

newspaperIhappenedtocomeacrosstoldofthebeginningoftheRussianoffensive.Thenoiseofheavyartilleryrattledthewindowpanes;thelineoffiregrewclosereveryday.OnJanuary17thIwenttobedearly,althoughIwasnottired.Iwantedtobealonewithmythoughts.Lulledbytheagreeablewarmthofacokestove,Isoondriftedoff.Itmusthavebeenabout

midnight.Iwasawakenedbyaseriesofpowerfulblasts,thecracklingofmachine-gunfire,anddazzlingflashes.Iheardthesoundofdoorsbangingandfootstepsrunning.Ijumpedoutofbedandopenedthedoor.Thefurnaceroomlightswereon,andthedoorsoftheSS'roomswerewideopen,witnesstothespeedoftheirdeparture.Thecrematorium'sheavy

gateswerealsoopen.Notaguardinsight.Iglancedquicklyatthewatchtowers.Forthefirsttimeinmonthstheywereempty.Iranbacktowakeupmycompanions.Wedressedinhasteandgotreadyforthegreatjourney.TheSShadfled.Wewouldnotstayhereaminutelonger,herewhereforeightmonthsDeathhadlaininwaitforuseveryminuteofeveryhour.Wecouldnotwaitforthe

Russians,sinceweriskedfallingintothehandsoftheSSrearguard,whowouldnothesitatetoexecuteus.Luckilywehadexcellentclothing—sweaters,overcoats,shoes—whichmeantagreatdeal,forthetemperaturewasatleast10belowzero.Weeachtookatwo-poundcanoffood,andfilledourpocketswithmedicinesandcigarettes.Weleft,filledwiththe

feverishsensationofliberation.Direction:TheBirkenauKZ,twokilometersfromthecrematoriums.Immenseflamesglowedalongthehorizonthere.ItwasprobablytheKZburning.Crossingthefurnaceroom,

wepassedinfrontoftheroomwherethegoldwasstored.Boxescontaininguntoldwealthstilllayinside,butwedidnoteventhinkofstoppingtotakesomeofit.

Whatwasmoneywhenone'slifewasatstake?Wehadlearnedthatnothinglastsandthatnovalueisabsolute.Theonlyexceptiontothatrule:freedom.Weleftbythemaingate.

Noonestoppedus.Theabruptchangeseemedincredible.OurpathledthroughthelittleforestofBirkenau,whosetreeswerecoveredfromtrunktotopwithaheavylayerof

glisteningsnow.Thesamepathdownwhichmillionshadwalkedontheirwaytodeath...WepassedbesidetheJewishramp,buriedinthesnow.Andheretheyhadclimbeddownfromtheboxcarsforselection.Theimageofthetwocolumns,leftandright,separatedforever,gazingsadlyacrossatthosetheyhadjustleft,camebacktome.Butforallofthem,thematterhad

merelybeenoneofchronologicalorder:theywerealldead.Yes,theBirkenauKZwas

onfire.Someoftheguards'rooms,inwhichthecamprecordswerestored,wereburning.Alargecrowd,perhaps3,000,wasgatheredinfrontofthecampgatewaitingfortheordertoleave.WithouthesitationIjoinedtheirranks.Nooneknewmehere.Iwasnolongerthe

bearerofunholysecrets,nolongeramemberoftheSonderkommando,andthereforedidnothavetodie.HereIwasmerelyanotherKZprisoner,lostinthecrowd.Itseemedtomethiswasthebestsolution.Mycolleaguesconcurred.EveryonewasfleeingBirkenau,butIjudgeditimprobablethattheywouldbeabletotakeusveryfar.InadayortwotheRussians

wouldcatchupwithus.Butsometimebeforethathappened,theSSwoulddesert.Meanwhile,ourbestbetwastomarchwiththeothersbetweenthetwolinesoffire.Itwasaboutoneo'clockin

themorning.ThelastSShadleftthecamp.Heclosedtheirongatesandcutoffthelightsfromthemainswitchboard,whichwaslocatedneartheentrance.The

enormouscemeteryofEuropeanJudaism,Birkenau,sankintodarkness.Myeyeslingeredforalongwhileonthebarbedwiresofthecampandtherowsofbarracksthatstoodoutagainstthenight.Farewell,cemeteryofmillions,cemeterywithoutasinglegrave!Wesetout,surroundedby

acompanyofSS.Wediscussedwithournew-foundfriendsallthathadhappened,

andwhatmighthappennow,tryingtoguesswhatthemorrowwouldbring.WouldtheSSsucceedinescortingourconvoytoanewprison,orwouldthey,aswehoped,desertussomewherealongtheway?Wehadwalkedfor

approximatelyfivekilometerswhenourleftflankbecamethetargetofadeadlyfire.TheRussianadvanceguardhadseenusand,mistakingus

foramilitarycolumn,openedfire.Theywereusingsubmachinegunsandhadthesupportofalighttank.TheSSreturnedthefireandshoutedforustotakecoverontheground.Wecrawledintotheditchesoneithersideoftheroad.Thefirewasheavyonbothsides.Then,inalittlewhile,allgrewquietagainandweresumedourjourneyacrossthesterile,snow-coveredearthof

Silesia.Slowlyitbegantogrow

light.Iestimatedthatwehadcoveredabout15kilometersduringthenight.Butstillwemarchedacrossthepackedsnow.AllalongthewayInoticedpotsandblanketsandwoodenshoesthathadbeenabandonedbyaconvoyofwomenwhohadprecededus.Afewkilometersfartheron

wecameuponamuchsaddersight:everyfortyorfifty

yards,abloodybodylayintheditchbesidetheroad.Forkilometersandkilometersitwasthesamestory:bodieseverywhere.Exhausted,theyhadbeenunabletowalkanyfarther;whentheyhadstrayedfromtheranks,anSShaddispatchedthemwithabulletinthebackofthehead.SoIhadnotleftmurder

andviolencebehindme.ApparentlytheSShadbeenorderednottoleaveany

victimsbehind.Adiscouragingthought.Thesightofthebodiesmadeadeepimpressiononallofus,andwequickenedourpace.Towalkmeanttolive.Nowthefirstshotsbegan

soundinginourownconvoyaswell.Thebodiesoftwofellow-sufferersfellintotheditches.Unabletoadvanceanotherstep,theyhadsatdown:abulletintheneck.Tenminutesdidnotgoby

withoutthesamethingrecurring.Towardsnoonwereached

Plesow,wherewemadeourfirststop.Wespentanhourinasportsstadium.Anyonewhohadsomefoodatealittle.Wesmokedacigarette,thensetoffagainalongthesnowyroad,feelinggreatlyrefreshed.Butaweekwentby,two,andstillwewalked.Fortwentydayswewalked,tillatlastwereacheda

railwaystation.Inall,wehadcoveredover200kilometers,havinghadalmostnothingtoeatforthreeweeks.Atnightwesleptoutdoors,inthebittercold.WhenwearrivedatRatiboronly2,000ofuswereleft.Aboutathousandhadbeenshotalongtheway.Wewereallrelievedtoseethelineofboxcarswaitingforus.Weclimbedintothecars

and,afteranall-nightwait,

begantomove.Thetriplastedfivedays.Ididnotcountthenumberofcomradeswhofrozetodeath,butonly1,500ofusreachedourdestination,theMauthausenKZ.Someofthemissing500werenotdead,however,fortherewereafewwho,takingadvantageofapropitious

occasion,fledtheconvoyandperhapsescaped.

XXXVIITheMauthausenKZsaton

topofahilloverlookingtheancientcityofthesamename.Thisexterminationcamp,whichresembledafortifiedtown,wasmadeofgraniteblocks.Withitsbastions,itstowersandloopholes,itlookedfromafar

likeamedievalcastle.Thispicturewouldhave

beenarareandbeautifuloneifonlythestoneshadbeencoveredwithacentury-oldgrowthoflichen,orstreakedgrayfromtheconstantplayofwindandrainandsnowthroughtheyears.Instead,theypresentedafacadeofdazzlingwhitethatclashedwiththesurroundinglandscape,whichwascrownedwithdarkforests.

Forthe"castle"hadonlyrecentlybeenbuiltanditswallswerenotyetmarkedwiththatausterebeautyofancientbuildings.TheThirdReichhadhaditconstructedasaKZ.FortythousandSpanishRepublicans,refugeesinFrance,hadbeenbroughthereaftertheoccupation,aswellashundredsofthousandsofGermanJews.Itwastheywhohadworkedinthe

Mauthausenquarriescuttingtheblocks;itwastheywhohadcarriedthefinishedstonesalongtheseven-kilometerpathupthemountain,whereformerlyonlywildgoatshadgrazed.Anditwastheywhohadconstructedthepowerfulwallsaroundtheirhouseofsorrow,whichwascomposedofwoodenbarracks.Theyhadfinishedthecastleatthepriceofunbelievable

suffering,buttheyhadneverlivedtooccupyit.Inthemidstofthisgreatmassofstoneandconcretetheyhadallperished,liketheslavesinancientEgypt.Thecamphadnotremained

unoccupiedforverylong,however.ThousandswhohadfoughtintheYugoslavunderground,aswellasmembersofallthevariousresistancemovementsthroughoutEurope—plus,of

course,Europe'sdoomedrace,theJews—hadflockedherebythetensofthousands,fillingthefortress'barracksinamatterofdays.Theretheyhadlivedduringthebriefperiodprecedingtheirdeath.Nowanotherconvoy,ours,

decimatedbythelongtripandtheinsufferablecold,slowlywendeditswayupthearduous,snow-coveredmountainpath.Ourstrengthallbutgone,weatlast

enteredthegatesoftheKZandlinedup,inthegatheringdusk,onthe"Appelplatz"Ilookedaroundformy

companions.Fischer,thelabassistant,wasmissing.IhadnotseenhimsincePlesow.Thenhehadbeenlyinginthesnow,hisstrengthcompletelyspent.Fromhiscontractedfacialexpression,Ihadsuspectedthathisendwasnear.Hewasfifty-fiveandhadspentfiveyearsinthe

KZ,soitwasnotsurprisingthathisorganismhadbeenunequaltothelongwalkandparalyzingcold.Dr.Kornerwasinprettygoodshape,butDr.Gorog,ontheotherhand,wasinacriticalcondition.Hismentaltroubleshadsteadilyworsened,andeveninthedaysofthecrematoriumkeepinghisconditionasecrethadbeenasourceofconstantworrytome.IhaddoneallIcouldto

makesureheneverranintoDr.Mengele.Mussfeldhadalsobeendangerous.Ifeitheronehadnoticedhiscondition,hislifewouldnothavebeenworthapenny.Beforeleavingthe

crematoriumhehadalreadyinformedmeofhislastwishes."Nicholas,"hehadsaid,

"youareastrong-willedpersonandonedayyou'llmanagetogetoutofallthis

alive.Asforme,IknowI'mfinished."Ihadtriedtoprotest,buthehadwavedmywordsofencouragementasideandgoneon:"Ihaveproofthatmywifeanddaughterbothdiedinthegaschamber.ButIleftmytwelve-year-oldsonwiththemonksoftheKoszegcloister.Ifyoueverdogethome,fetchhimandbringhimupasyourown.Isaythisinfullpossessionofallmyfaculties,

knowingIhaven'tlongtolive."IhadpromisedhimthatI

wouldfaithfullycarryouthiswishes,intheeventIescapedandhedidnot.Now,happily,wehadleft

thesiteofcertaindeathfarbehind.Todienow,soneartotheendoftheroad,justwhenthehopeoffreedomhadfilledourhearts,wouldbetrulytragic.Followingrollcall,we

weresentthroughatortuouspassagetothebaths.Therewejoinedgroupsnewlyarrivedfromothercamps:theremusthavebeen10,000ofuscrammedintothissmallarea.Astrongwindwhistledbetweenthewallsofthecastle.ThemountainonwhichthecampwasperchedmarkedthebeginningoftheAlps,andthewintersherewereextremelyrigorous.Welearnedthatwewouldbe

takenintothebathsingroupsofforty.Atthatrate,Icalculateditwouldtakethreedaysforeverybodytobathe.Theguardsstationedhere

hadbeenrecruitedfromamongGermancriminals,menservingtermsformurder,larcenyandthelike.Needlesstosay,theywerethefaithfulservantsoftheSS.Todaytheirjobconsistedofgroupingthedeporteesforthebaths.Aryanprisoners

wentfirst.InfactthereweresomanyAryansthatIfiguredtheJews'turnwouldnotcomebeforethethirdday.Towaitherefortwodaysbecameamatteroflifeanddeath,foraprisonercouldnotenterthebarracksandgethimselfenrolledonthelistofthosetobefedwithoutfirstpassingthroughthebaths.Forapersonwhowasalreadyexhausted,atwo-daywaitwithoutfoodwouldmean

almostcertaindeath,foreitherhislegswouldbuckleorhiseyelidswouldyieldtosleep,andhewouldsinkintothehard-packedsnow,neveragaintorise.Alreadyaboutahundredprisonerswerelyingonthegroundaroundme.Noonewaspayinganyattentiontothem,foreachhadallhecoulddotosavehimself.ThiswasourfinalsprinttowardsthefinishlineofLife.Reflectingonmysituation,

IdecidedthatIcouldnotspendthenightoutdoorswithoutseriouslyimperilingmychancesforsurvival.Ihadtogetintothebathstoday.PoorDeniswaswanderingaimlesslyabout,hatless,withouthisglasses,likeamanasleep.Hisgazewastroubledandhewasmutteringunintelligiblewordstohimselfashewalked.Itookhimbythearmanddraggedhimwithme,

hopingthatIcouldsomehowgetusbothintothebaths.Butbeforewehadgonemorethanafewstepsheslippedawayandwaslostintheseethingmassofhumanity.Icalledhisname,shoutingatthetopofmylungs,buttonoavail.ThewindwassostrongIcouldhardlyhearmyownvoice.Sensingthedanger,I

forcedmywaythroughthecrowdandapproachedthe

stepsleadingdownintothebaths.AtlastIworkedmywaytothefrontrow.SeveralSSarmedwithrubberclubswereguardingtheentrance.Agroupoffortypeoplewasalreadyassembled,waitingtogoin.TheywereallAryans.OnceagainImadeasnap

decision:leavingthecrowdIapproachedanSSOberschaarfuhrerandaddressedhiminaself-assuredtoneofvoice:

"HerrOberschaarfuhrer,I'mthedoctorfortheAuschwitzconvoy.Letmeintothebaths."Helookedmeover.My

respectableclothes,perhapsmydeterminedmanner,or,morelikely,myperfectcommandofGermanseemedtomakeanimpressiononhim.Atanyrate,turningtohiscolleaguespostedneartheentrance,hesaid:"Letthedoctorgoinside."

Idescendedalone,precedingthegroupoffortywhowerewaitingbesidethestairway.Safe!Andhoweasyithadbeen!Yes,sometimesitpaystomakeupone'smindonthespurofthemoment.Thewarmairofthebaths

soonlentnewstrengthtomyalmostfrozenlegs.Afterdaysanddaysofcold,atlonglastawarmroom!Thebathitselfalsodidmeaworldofgood.Ourclotheswereconsidered

contaminated,andwehadtogivethemup.Iwassorrytohandovermyovercoat,mysuitandmywarmwoolensweater,butatleastwashappytoseethattheyletmekeepmyshoes.Agoodpairofshoescouldeasilybeanimportantfactorinsavingone'slifeintheKZ.Iputmyshoesbackonand

rejoinedthegroupthathadjustfinishedbathing.Otherwisenaked,westarted

backtowardsthepathleadingtothebaths,wherewewaitedforhalfanhourtilltherewereenoughofustofillanentirebarracks.Afterawarmbath,toremainoutsideinanicywind,withthetemperatureclosetozero,wastoflirtwithdeath.Atlengthanothergroupof

fortyjoinedusandwestartedoff.TheSSguardmadeuskeepinstepaswewalked,butaftermarchingonly50

yardswereachedBarracks33ofthequarantinecamp.Aprisoner,wearingthe

familiargreeninsigniaofacriminaloffender,waspostedinfrontoftheentrance:ourbarrackschief.Hehandedeverynewcomerafourthofaloafofbread;alittlefartheronaclerkslappedaspoonfulofmargarine,madeofmeatfat,onthebread.Wewerealsogivenhalfapintofsteaminghotcoffee.

After10daysofprivationthisseemedlikearoyalfeast.Havingdownedmyfood,Ilookedaroundforalikelyplacetoliedown,andfinallysettledonasecludedcorner,whereIjudgedthatmychancesofbeingwalkedonwouldbefairlyslim.Ilayonthefloor,fortherewerenobedsinthequarantinecamp.Nevertheless,Isleptsoundlyuntilreveille.Waking,myfirstthoughts

wereforthosestillstanding—providedtheywerestillabletostand—inthefreezingcold,waitingtogetintothebaths.WestayedinBarracks33

forthreedays,duringwhichwehadnothingtodo.Ourfoodwasnottoobadandwewerethusmoreorlessabletorecuperatefromourthree-weekmarch.Onthethirddayofourstay

anSSofficer,accompanied

byageneral,visitedourbarracksandorderedanyonewhohadformerlyworkedintheAuschwitzKZtostepforward.Mybloodfrozeinmy

veins.Methodicalracethattheyare,theGermansnodoubthadamusterlistcontainingthenamesornumbersofthosewhohadworkedatAuschwitz.Itseemedlikely.Andyet...thinkingaboutit,Icameto

theconclusionthatthiswasmerelyaruse,anattempttosingleoutfromthemassthosecapableofrevealingthesordidmysteriesofthecrematoriums.Iftheyhadreallyhadalistalltheywouldhavehadtodowastocheckourtattoonumbers.Nooneknewmehere.Iwaited,thebloodpoundinginmyears;therewascompletesilenceinthebarracksasthesecondstickedslowlyby.

Andthentheyleft.Ihadwonagain.Onceagainthewheelofdeathhadspunandpassedmeby.Thatnightweweregiven

thestripedjerkinofprisonersandtakenbythemountainpathtotheMauthausenrailwaystation.Therewewereloadedintotheinevitableboxcars,7,000soulsinall,andsenttotheMelkanderDonauconcentrationcamp.Itwas

onlyashortjourneyand,forachange,fairlycomfortable,thatis,wewerenotstackedinlikesardinesbuthadroomenoughtositonthefloor.Threehoursafterwehadclimbedintothecarsweclimbeddownagain.TheMelkKZ,likethatof

Mauthausen,satonthecrestofahilloverlookingthesurroundingcountryside.Originallyaprison,bearingthenameofFreiherrVon

Birabo,itsimmensebarrackswerelargeenoughtoaccommodate15,000criminalsatatime.Thepicturesquebeautyofthecountrysidemitigatedourpainanddiscomfort:theenormous,baroque-stylemonastery

projectedfromtherockyhill,and,below,theDanubewoundsinuouslyonitsway,formingapictureofunforgettablebeauty.The

Danubewasariverweassociatedwithourhomeandcountry.Seeingitnowmadeusfeelthathomewasnotquitesofaraway.

XXXVIIIThespringof1945came

early.ItwasnowthebeginningofApril,andthetreesthatrosefromtheditchesliningthebarbed-wirefencesofMelkwerealreadygreen.OnthebanksoftheDanubeagreencarpetreplacedthesnow,only

patchesofwhichremainedtoremindusoftheseverewinterthroughwhichwehadjustpassed.IhadbeenlivingintheKZ

foreightweeks,throughgooddaysandbad,buttheexperiencehadsappedmystrengthandleftmetiredandweak.Onlythehopeofanearlyliberationkeptmefromslippingintoastateofutterlethargyandindifference.Hereeverythingwas

disintegrating.ThefinalphasesoftheThirdReich'scollapsewereunfoldingbeforeoureyes.Defeatedarmiespassedininterminablecolumnstowardstheinteriorofacountryalreadyreducedtosmokingruins.OntheDanube,whosewaterswereswollenfromthemeltingsnows,hundredsofboatsandbargestransportedtheinhabitantsofevacuatedcities.TheThirdReich's

dreamofamillenniumwascrumbling.Theconvictionofapeopleborntorule,ofaMasterRace,wasgivingwaytobitterdisillusionment.ThepeoplesofEurope,avidforfreedom,nolongerlivedinthefearthattheirtownorcitymight,byasimple,arbitrarystrokeoftheconqueror'spen,bewipedoffthemap;therewasnolongeranydangerofseeingtheirhomesplundered,ofhavingthemselvesstripped

ofalltheyowned,offeelingtheneedlepointtattoonumbersontheirarms,ofbeingshippedtoforcedlaborcampsandguardedbypolicedogsandSStroopswhosebadgewasthedeath'shead.Thepyromaniacsofthe

ThirdReichwerenowplayingtheirfinalsceneonthestageoftheworld:theywhohadsettheworldaflamewerenowperishingintheirownfires.Theraucous-

voicedcorporal,whosewords,"DeutschlandUberAlles"hadbeenheardonthewavelengthsoftheentireworldforoveradecade,wasnowtremblinginhisundergroundbunker.TheuncompromisingprideoftheThirdReichhadbeenbrokenbytheworldwidecollaborationofpeoplenotavidofconquest,butoffreedom.OnApril7th,1945,the

stringofarclightssetontopofthepolestowhichthebarbedwireswerefasteneddidnotcomeon.Darknessandsilenceclosedinontheabandonedspot.Thecampwasempty,thegateclosed.The7,000prisonershad

beentakenfartherinland,firstbyboat,thenalongtheroadsswarmingwithrefugees.Forsevenlongdaysandnightswetraveled,tillatlastwereachedournewdestination,

theEbenseeconcentrationcamp,thefourthKZthroughwhoseyawninggatesIhadpassed.Uponarrival,theinevitable

andinterminablerollcall.Thenthebath.Andthenagainthequarantinecamp,withitsfilthybarracks,itsguardsarmedwithrubberclubs,itshardfloor.Iblindlysubmittedtothesethreecustomaryphases.Duringrollcallacoldwindwasblowing

andadrivingrainsoakedmyclothes.Bitternessoverwhelmedme.Iknewthatitcouldonlybeamatterofdaysbeforewewereliberated,butforthemomentwewerestilllivinginaworldofconfusionandindecision.Andyet,whenthemomentfordecisionfinallyarrived,perhapsitwouldbeanill-starredoneforusall.Theendofourcaptivitycouldquiteconceivablyturnintoa

bloodytragedy:theymightkillusallbeforetheimpendingmomentofliberationarrived.Aftertwelvemonthsof

imprisonment,atatimewhenalllawhadceasedtoexist,suchanendwouldindeedbeinkeepingwiththecustomsoftheThirdReich.Butsuchwasnotthecase.

OnMay5thawhiteflagflewfromtheEbenseewatchtower.Itwasfinished.They

hadlaiddowntheirarms.Thesunwasshiningbrightlywhen,atnineo'clock,anAmericanlighttank,withthreesoldiersaboard,arrivedandtookpossessionofthecamp.Wewerefree.

EPILOGUE

Sickatheart,andphysicallyill,Istartedmylongvoyagehomeward.Thetripwasnotapleasantone:everywhereIlookedIsaw,whereflourishingcitiesandtownshadoncestood,nothingbutguttedruinsand

thecollective,white-crossedgravesofthedead.Idreadedthetruth,fearing

toreturntoanempty,plunderedhome,ahomewhereneitherparentsnorwife,daughternorsister,wouldbewaitingtogreetmewithwarmthandaffection.Persecutionandsorrow,thehorrorsofthecrematoriumandfuneralpyres,myeightmonthsinthekommandoofthelivingdead,haddulled

mysenseofgoodandevil.IfeltthatIshouldrest,try

toregainmystrength.But,Ikeptaskingmyself,forwhat?Ontheonehand,illnessrackedmybody;ontheother,thebloodypastfrozemyheart.Myeyeshadfollowedcountlessinnocentsoulstothegaschambers,witnessedtheunbelievablespectacleofthefuneralpyres.AndImyself,carryingouttheordersofadementeddoctor,

haddissectedhundredsofbodies,sothatasciencebasedonfalsetheoriesmightbenefitfromthedeathsofthosemillionsofvictims.Ihadcutthefleshofhealthyyounggirlsandpreparednourishmentforthemaddoctor'sbacteriologicalcultures.Ihadimmersedthebodiesofdwarfsandcripplesincalciumchloride,orhadthemboiledsothatthecarefullypreparedskeletons

mightsafelyreachtheThirdReich'smuseumstojustify,forfuturegenerations,thedestructionofanentirerace.Andeventhoughallthiswasnowpast,Iwouldstillhavetocopewithitinmythoughtsanddreams.Icouldnevererasethesememoriesfrommymind.AtleasttwiceIhadfeltthe

wingsofdeathbrushbyme:once,prostrateontheground,withacompanyofSStrained

intheartofsummaryexecutionpoisedaboveme,Ihadescapedunharmed.Butthreethousandofmyfriends,whohadalsoknowntheterriblesecretsofthecrematoriums,hadnotbeensolucky.Ihadmarchedforhundredsofkilometersthroughfieldsofsnow,fightingthecold,hunger,andmyownexhaustion,merelytoreachanotherconcentrationcamp.Theroad

Ihadtraveledhadindeedbeenlong.Now,homeagain,nothing.

Iwanderedaimlesslythroughsilentrooms.Free,butnotfrommybloodypast,norfromthedeep-rootedgriefthatfilledmymindandgnawedatmysanity.Andthefutureseemedjustasdark.Iwalkedlikemyownghost,arestlessfigureintheoncefamiliarstreets.TheonlytimesImanagedtoshakeoff

mystateofdepressionandlethargywaswhen,mistakenly,IthoughtforafleetingsecondthatsomeoneIsaworbrieflyencounteredonthestreetwasamemberofmyfamily.Oneafternoon,several

weeksaftermyreturn,Ifeltchillyandsatdownnearthefireplace,hopingtoderivealittlecomfortfromthecheerfulglowthatfilledtheroom.Itgrewlate;duskwas

falling.Thedoorbellrousedmefrommydaydreams.BeforeIcouldgetuptoansweritmywifeanddaughterburstintotheroom!Theywereingoodhealth

andhadjustbeenfreedfromBergen-Belsen,oneofthemostnotoriousoftheexterminationcamps.Butthatwasasmuchastheywereabletotellmebeforebreakingdown.Forhourstheysobbeduncontrollably.I

wascontentjusttoholdtheminmyarms,whilethefloodoftheirgriefflowedfromtheirtorturedmindsandhearts.Theirsobs,alanguageIwaswellfamiliarwith,slowlysubsided.Wehadmuchtodo,much

torelate,muchtorebuild.Iknewitwouldtakemuchtimeandinfinitepatiencebeforewecouldresumeanysortofreallynormallife.Butallthatmatteredwasthatwe

werealive...andtogetheragain.Lifesuddenlybecamemeaningfulagain.Iwouldbeginpracticing,yes...ButIsworethataslongasIlivedIwouldneverliftascalpelagain.