Hot Ones’ Spec Script

“Dwayne The Rock Johnson”

INT. Remote Set, Downtown LA – Morning

DWAYNE JOHNSON, 45, is holding his hand over his mouth as he

coughs lightly. He proceeds to smile and chuckle through the

pain of 500,000 thousand Scoville units.

The First We Feast title sequence plays.

We are greeted by the bald-headed beauty, SEAN EVANS, 32.

Sean’s voice is more passionate than usual, he looks into camera

one with a massive smile on his face.

SEAN

HEY! What’s going on everybody, from

First We Feast I’m Sean Evans,

and you’re watching Hot Ones.

Sean looks into camera two.

SEAN

It’s the show with hot questions

and even hotter wings. AND. TODAY.

We are joined by a long time

comin, the man, the myth, the

legend, Dwayne Johnson. Better known as

The Rock, but really, what isn’t

Dwayne Johnson known for these days.

DWAYNE

Thank you guys for having me.

SEAN

Dwayne, we’ve been chasing you for

a while. Are you ready to

do this? I know it’s early

and this isn’t your typical “The Rock”

regime bodybuilding breakfast.

Dwayne Chuckles and smiles at Sean

DWAYNE

I am SO ready. I just

finished hitting back this morning. I

skipped the post-workout meal. I’m ready

to get some protein in me

– regardless of how hot.

SEAN

That was my next question, how

are you with hot food?

DWAYNE

Like most people my age, I

don’t seek it out in my

diet every day, but what I

do seek is a challenge so

I am ready for whatever…

Dwayne picks up a bottle of hot sauce and shows it to the

camera.

DWAYNE

El Yucateco wants to throw my way.

SEAN

Let’s do it.

The Hot One’s title sequence plays – featuring images of hot

sauce dousing wings, Sean and Dwayne posing with one another in

various positions while Dwayne towers over Sean’s puny mortal

body.

The “First We Feast Presented by Hot Ones,” graphic is

displayed.

Next, Dwayne is seen chomping on a drumstick wing.

DWAYNE

Oh yeah. I can get down

with Siracha, baby.

Dwayne cleans the wing.

SEAN

So, Dwayne, you have one of

the most decorated and illustrious pasts

of any guest we’ve had on

our show, but let’s start at

the very beginning and then maybe

go a little chronological, does that

sound good?

DWAYNE

Right on.

SEAN

It’s no secret that you were

on the move as a kid.

What was it like attending four

different high schools? And if possible

can you share with our viewers,

who may be transitioning to new

schools, how you dealt with maintaining

any social relationships and even building

new ones and fitting in?

DWYANE

(Smiling)

That’s a good question. And you

know I’m not sure I have

a good answer. Ideally, you’d hope

the transition to a new school

will go as smooth as possible

but that is rarely the case.

I was a pretty hefty kid,

and high school kids are nasty,

so I was never looking to

be something I wasn’t so that

kid’s I didn’t know would accept me.

SEAN

(Nodding)

Right. I got you.

DWAYNE

Despite how cliché it may sound,

if there is any advice I can

give it’d be, to be yourself,

and the right people will fall

into your life. Don’t adapt to

please shitty people.

Dwayne covers his mouth in embarrassment.

DWAYNE

Can I--. I can swear on

here, right?

SEAN

Fuck yeah, you can swear.

I don’t think there’s a corporate

sponsor on this episode.

DWAYNE

(Smiling/chuckling)

Well, fuck yeah!

SEAN

I also, don’t feel comfortable

telling The Rock, no.

So swear all ya want Dwayne.

The Scovilles get upped to 5,000. The Aardvark Hot Sauce title

sequence plays.

DWAYNE

This is good. This is good.

A little bit hotter.

SEAN

(Sarcastically)

Yup, that’s the idea. We like

to bring it in droves.

Dwayne is seen cleaning his wing to the bone.

SEAN

It seems if so American Football

changes dramatically each year with the

way different rules get instated.

The most recent rule change that

has both fans and players in

an uproar is the tackling rule/lowering

the helmet rule. Are you familiar

with what I’m referring to?

DWAYNE

Totally. Absolutely.

SEAN

So I’m gonna read the rule

to you verbatim. And I want

to get your knee-jerk reaction to

the verbiage, and also if you

could que us in on how

you would adapt your play style

to the rule if this had been

put in place while you were still

balling out at The University of Miami.

Sean quickly reads the rule aloud.

DWYANE

Honest to god. And I don’t

think I am the first person

with a football past to say this

but I think I would have

to hang up the pads. Guys are

being penalized for what used to be

a reward, a promotion, the pinnacle

of the position.

Dwayne collects himself.

DWAYNE

With all that being said, I

understand and want nothing more

than for the game to be

as safe as possible for the

post-career sake. You know?

SEAN

Absolutely.

DWAYNE

But as archaic as it sounds

a lot of what I’m seeing

is no longer the sport I

grew up playing and that sucks.

SEAN

A few more rapid-fire football

questions: Who’s the GOAT?

DWAYNE

Tom Brady. No doubt. Five rings, cmon.

SEAN

Favorite player growing up?

DWAYNE

***(I imagine his answer would be Brian Bosworth)***

SEAN

Last one – is there a player

in the league today that reminds you,

of yourself and your play style.

DWAYNE

God, that’s tough because y’know unfortunately

I never made it to the league.

But a guy a have a ton of

respect for, and just love the

way he plays the game is

Aaron Donald. Right in my backyard

here in LA. The dude is

a MANIAC on the defensive line.

The Scovilles are upped to 9,000. El Yucateco title sequence

plays.

Both Dwayne and Sean clean their wings.

SEAN

Cleaning wings. I love it. Though

if there was ever a guest

who I knew would come in

and clean wings to the bone

I would’ve bet a years’ worth

of rent it’d be you, Dwayne.

Smoke alarms start going off in Dwayne’s head.

DWAYNE

WOOOOO! This is kicked up a

notch… So did you say that

people come in here and don’t

eat the whole wing?!

SEAN

That’s right.

Dwayne is genuinely shocked.

DWAYNE

WHAT!

SEAN

I’m not gonna get on them

if they’re not trying to ruin

their stomach lining for the foreseeable

future. I can’t be telling Charlize Theron

and Natalie Portman that they have

to clean bones or otherwise we

won’t plug their movies, you know?

DWAYNE

Understood.

Dwayne looks into camera 2.

DWAYNE

But seriously, eat your fuckin wings, people.

SEAN

So, Dwayne, you were famously a

part of wrestling’s attitude era, and

really, you were front and center

alongside Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Triple H,

and many more. My question to

you is, did you guys know

what you had was peak entertainment

gold before you really hit your stride?

DWAYNE

(*I really have no clue how he’d answer this*)

Yes and no. When Vince and

Jim first approached me, I was

both ecstatic and skeptical, you know

I had a big personality but

so did all the other guys

you mentioned so I wasn’t certain

how we would gel. But once

I got in a room with

Steve, I knew there was magic there.

SEAN

The Rock will go down in

Wrestling lore forever but more importantly,

his catchphrase - -

Both SEAN & DWAYNE

“It doesn’t matter what your name is!”

SEAN

(Laughing)

Will live on forever in meme

culture, so I’m gonna show you

a few that have made their

way through the internet and you

can just tell me what you

think. That sound good?

DWAYNE

Totally.

Sean shows Dwayne a slew of vines and other videos where the

punchline is his famous catchphrase. Dwayne is amused by each

one.

The Scovilles are upped to 15,600. Hot Ones’ own Fiery Chipotle

Hot Sauce title sequence plays.

SEAN

Dwayne, this is one of two

Hot Ones’ own hot sauces in

the gauntlet.

DWAYNE

Oh, you guys make this yourselves?

SEAN

I don’t make it there’s a

team of people behind the scenes

that make it. But if you

like it, I’ll be happy to

take credit on their behalf.

DWAYNE

It’s excellent!

Dwayne kisses his fingers like a chef.

DWAYNE

Definitely, something I could see myself

tossing on chicken breast to help

choke it down easier.

SEAN

I hear ya on that. Which

segways nicely into my next question…

Can you talk about “The Rock”

training diet a little bit? Can

you talk about what it’s like

eating over 5,000 calories a day,

sometimes training twice a day, all

to maintain this larger than life physique?

DWAYNE

Oh gosh, of course. Yeah first

off, I don’t recommend it to anyone.

Seriously anyone. Unless of course, your

physique is comparable to mine but

you know I keep my body

conditioned this way partly because it

helps me land roles and because

I love fitness. I’ve been tossing

around weights since I was in

elementary school. And you have to

eat big to be big.

SEAN

Funny you mention not recommending trying

to mimic your diet because seated

before you is someone who attempted

and failed “The Rock” diet.

DWAYNE

Right! See!

SEAN

A tapped out at around 3,000

calories, I think. And more trips

to the bathroom than I had anticipated.

DWAYNE

It’s no joke man. Eating has

really become work for me.

SEAN

What’s the meal prep situation looking

like because all of my meals

were just like a bed of rice

and a piece of chicken or

fish that could’ve easily been mistaken

for a bicycle seat.

DWAYNE

(Laughing hard)

Well, fortunately for me, I learned

very quickly that once you make

it in show business, chefs start

throwing themselves in line to cook

for you. That hasn’t happened to

you yet?!

SEAN

Unless their emails are going directly

to my junk folder, I cannot

say I’ve been approached by anyone

who wants to cook for me.

Dwayne motions to his entourage, off camera.

DWAYNE

We need to get this man hooked up!

SEAN

I’ll have my people talk to

your people.

The Scovilles are upped to 18,000. Queen’s Majesty limited

edition Hot Sauce title sequence plays.

SEAN

Alright, Dwayne. We have a reoccurring

segment on our show called Explain

That Gram, where we do a

deep dive on our guests Instagram

and pull interesting pictures that need

more context. And you’re actually one

of the more prominent posters to

Instagram compared to our guests of the

past so this works out well.

So what I’ll do is I’ll show

you a picture and you give

us the bigger story, does that

sound good?

DWAYNE

Let’s do it.

SEAN

(Pointing his index finger in the air.)

Laptop, please!

A laptop appears by Sean’s side thanks to a PA.

Sean shows Dwayne his own Instagram post from June 29th, a

picture of a black notebook and a globe.

SEAN

So what’s going on with the

notebook here at 2 AM, Dwayne? Will

we ever know what lies within

those pages or is that private?

DWAYNE

Ahhhh, yes. That’ll mostly stay between

me and people close to me

who I trust can bring some

of the ideas to fruition.

SEAN

Is that what the 2 AM

grind usually looks like?

DWAYNE

Absolutely. It’s one of the few

times I can get away from

external distractions and let my brain

dump out what has been festering at it.

Sean shows Dwayne his post from August 19th, Dwayne is standing

in front of a squat rack with 315lbs on the bar.

SEAN

What’s going on here? Is this

a warm-up set?

DWAYNE

(Chuckling)

HAH! It used to be. I’m

reworking my form, trying to maintain

a strong base with my compound

movements. And of course, never skipping

leg day.

Dwayne looks directly into camera 2.

Dwayne

YouTube, you better NEVER skip leg day.

SEAN

I imagine the bulk of our

viewers will tune this segment out.

Sean shows Dwayne his post from April 19th, Dwayne is seated atop

alligators back while grabbing the gator by the throat and jaw

area, clamping the gator's mouth shut.

SEAN

Okay…what is going on here?

DWAYNE

(*I can’t make up an explanation for this, it’s too

outrageous.*)

The Scovilles are upped to 21,000. Dirty Dicks Hot sauce title

sequence plays.

DWAYNE

Hmm. Dirtyyyy… Dirty Dicks.

SEAN

Yeah, it was no holds barred

when naming this one.

DWAYNE

Oh god. This is the first

genuinely bad sauce.

Dwayne (finally) reaches for his glass of water.

SEAN

Is the water to combat the

heat or the taste?

DWAYNE

Taste, mostly.

SEAN

So Dwayne, one of your very

first IMDB credits, that didn’t have

you starring as a variation of

yourself is the CGI abomination known

as The Scorpion King from 2001’s

The Mummy Returns. Do you remember

what it was like getting pitched

to do that and do you

remember your initial thoughts after seeing

what “you” looked like on screen?

Dwayne’s character image is displayed on the screen.

DWAYNE

I couldn’t jump on the role

fast enough. The Mummy franchise was

a huge property in the early

2000’s and I was honored when

the casting director came to me

and told me he wanted me

to play Scorpion King.

SEAN

I know it was a testament

to the early 2000’s but how

about the CGI?

DWAYNE

Yeah, the CGI doesn’t really hold

up today, does it?

Both Sean and Dwayne share a laugh

DWAYNE

I mean for 2000 I was

psyched when I saw the final product.

I mean shooting that was unlike

anything I had done before. You

know up until then I was

always used to using my entire

body and my charisma on screen

but all I really had to

do for this was make some

facial expressions. They did the rest

on the backend.

SEAN

The power of CGI.

DWAYNE

It grows greater every day.

The Scovilless are upped to 100,000. Zombie Apocalypse Hot Sauce

title sequence plays.

DWAYNE

Oh shit. Now, this… this is spicy.

Dwayne reaches to wipe his eye with the back of his palm.

SEAN

Careful. Careful around the eyes.

DWAYNE

Right. Right. I can only imagine…

Hot Ones’ music intensifies.

DWAYNE

Woooo Shit!

SEAN

Now, Dwayne, I don’t know if

you know this, but according to

your Wikipedia, you hold the record

for the most selfies taken in

three minutes. And it happened on

the red carpet during the premiere

of San Andreas in London… Was

there a conscious effort to set

this record or is that a

typical red carpet practice for Dwayne Johnson?

DWAYNE

First, no I did not know

I held this record. My plaque

must’ve gotten lost in the mail.

Second, I try to make red

carpets truly enjoyable for the fans

because, truthfully, they’re really the only

ones there enjoying themselves.

Dwayne quickly justifies what he means.

DWAYNE

Now don’t get me wrong I

love red carpet events, they’re extravagant,

and they’re a part of history

for the project. But at the

core of it, myself, as an

actor, and most of the other

people there are still working. You

know you’ve got journalists, and photographers,

not to mention, I still gotta

sell you guys on this movie!

SEAN

Totally get ya.

DWAYNE

So yeah I try and make

it as pleasurable, for those who

are truly there for pleasure. But

how about you? I imagine you

get noticed or asked to take

a selfie on the street?

SEAN

(Humbly)

Very rarely, Dwayne. Verrrrry rarely. It’s

mostly dudes asking my how my

butthole feels.

Dwayne laughs the hardest he has yet. (Even celebrities like

butthole humor.)

The Scovilles are upped to 135,600. Da Bomb, Beyond Insanity,

Hot Sauce title sequence plays.

Sean pants and exhales deeply.

DWAYNE

Uh oh. What’s he doing?

Dwayne looks around the room as if someone is going to answer,

then smiles.

Each of them dives into their wings and each of them are visibly

taken back by how hot it is. The bass intensifies.

Both Dwayne and Sean have now both broken the seal on their

glasses of milk.

SEAN

No shame in hitting the milk, Dwayne.

DWAYNE

Fuck me, this is hot.

The sauce is yelling at me.

Dwayne coughs.

DWAYNE

Like I said something about its mother.

SEAN

So like all A-list celebrities, you’re

no stranger to the tabloids and

the TMZs of the world.

DWAYNE

Right.

SEAN

What’s the craziest headline you’ve ever

read about yourself?

Both Sean and Dwayne are exhaling deeply and grasping for cooler

pastures.

Dwayne takes a big breath and begins his answer.

DWAYNE

Damn, there have been a few…

I think I saw one, one

time that said I was getting a sex change.

SEAN

Oh dear. How’d that go over

with friends and family?

DWAYNE

Well, my wife at the time,

was the one that sent it

to me, and she was all

over those sort of stories. So

she calls me up, screaming, like

“IS IT TRUE?!” “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

And I’m like “What, what, hunny?”

And she’s like “You’re getting a

sex change!?” So, yeah I had

to talk her off the ledge

and let her know it was

all bullshit – Fake news, I think

they call it these days.

SEAN

You can never be too careful.

And what about TMZ? Any run-ins

with them?

Dwayne retorts quickly.

DWAYNE

(Smiling)

They know not to fuck with me.

The Scovilles are nearly quadrupled. Blair’s Mega-Death Hot

Sauce title sequence plays.

Dwayne

So how am I doing?

SEAN

I mean, you’re eight wings in,

you’ve only hit the milk once,

there’s no visible sweat on your

body, I’d say you’re doing well, Dwayne.

DWAYNE

Good. Good… cause I feel like

shit. My taste buds have been scorched.

SEAN

Most of the damage done here

isn’t permeant. I promise.

Dwayne takes a sip of his water before biting into the wing.

Dwayne is battling the pain mightily and still trying to keep is

charming demeanor.

DWAYNE

(Coughing lightly)

Mhmmm. Shit.

SEAN

So Dwayne throughout your historic career

you’ve gotten to work alongside some

of the heaviest hitters in Hollywood.

In 2017 alone you worked with

on projects with, Kevin Hart, Jack Black,

Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, and not to mention

the star-studded Fast and Furious cast.

So my question to you is who was your favorite?

Sean quickly admits he’s only joking.

SEAN

My actual question is which one

of these actors is most like

the character they depicted on screen?

And you don’t have to limit

your options to what I listed.

Anyone you’ve shared the medium with.

DWAYNE

Wow. That’s a great question.

SEAN

Thank you.

Dwayne leans back in his seat, looks up at the studio lights,

and really begins to think.

DWAYNE

My mind immediately wants to jump

to Efron because he’s so god

damn good looking but he’s nothing

like his character in Baywatch.

Dwayne still pondering hard.

DWAYNE

Maybe Jack Black? I mean in

Jumanji it gets a little ridiculous

because we’re playing characters, who are

characters in other characters bodies, and

Jack is of course also playing

a woman in a man’s body.

But I mean, off shooting and

off-set he really sank his teeth

into the role and ran with it.

It’s safe to say he had the

most fun while shooting and was

really authentic on and off camera.

The Scovilles are now upped over 2,000,000+…Hot Ones’ The Last

Dab, title sequence plays.

Sean grabs the final bottle of hot sauce and begins shaking it

vigorously.

Sean sighs in preparation of what lies ahead.

SEAN

Alright, Dwayne. So this is the

Last Dab. We call it the

Last Dab because it’s tradition around

here to put a little dab

on the last wing. You don’t

HAVE to if you don’t WANT to.

DWAYNE

Cmon! What do I look like?

SEAN

I had a feeling you’d be up to it.

Sean dabs his wing with the hot sauce and passes the bottle to

Dwayne who follows suit.

Each of their dabs are about dime size.

SEAN

Here we go.

DWAYNE

(Smiling)

Cheers.

The two toast their wings like champagne glasses and proceed to

dive into the eternal realm of spice.

Sean’s face is now smushed together despite this being like the

fiftieth time he’s indulged in the sauce. It is as if each of

his facial features moved one inch toward the center of his

perfectly symmetrical, round head.

Dwayne pounds his fist against the table a few times and lets

out a bit of a roar.

DWAYNE

Wooooooooo! Damn!

Dwayne begins exhaling incrementally and quickly as if to keep

the heat off the interior of his mouth.

Triumphant music begins to play, signifying the show coming to a

close.

SEAN

So Dwayne… you’ve starred in movies.

You’ve headlined international wrestling events.

You had a short stint playing

professional football. I could truly go

on for hours illustrating a resume like yours.

Sean is still visibly battling the heat.

SEAN

You’re an inspiration to many, but

at the core of it what

or who inspires The Rock.

What gets, Dwayne Johnson

out of bed and into the

weight room at 4 AM every day?

How does a guy, who seemingly

has it all continue to strive for greatness?

DWAYNE

Wow, that was really beautiful, Sean.

SEAN

(While burring his face in milk)

Thanks, man.

DWAYNE

…

I guess I’ll have to wait for the episode to find out how he answers this – AZ.