ANDREW WHITE PANTS & LEO THE

LION SMACK JACK…CRAIG SMITH

KEEPS DOUBLE DOWN OFF BUBBLE

WITH NET 64…HAWK GETS 11 AT

JACK…

(L-R) Leo the Lion & Anand Surange of the Moons…

STAFF WRITER Professor Go Go Jones (BLAKESLEE, PA) – As the dog days of a red hot humid and muggy August summer come to a close, the 31st Regular Season GMA Tour is, also, winding its way down. Low and behold, we have a super tight race for the Pennant and Double Bye. Ah Labor Day in sight…and when you have kids, one of your favorite holidays of the year is upon us, when those little whiney creatures go back to school. Working at home I sometimes feel like Mr. French from the Family Affair, a daytime afternoon drama in the 70’s. Mr. French is the butler / chauffer, who carts little Buffy all around town.

A very laser tight Race reminiscent of the dramatic finish that unfolded in 2011, a year when Slicer Nation and the Wheelchairs went into the final week of the Season neck and neck. Do you recall that final event of that Regular Season at High Bridge Hills on October 8?…A round so damn dreadfully slow that we ran out of light…At the finishing 18th hole, we had cars parked with their headlights beaming on the 18th green like it was the center stage. The headlights assisted the poor bastards with some much needed light in that final foursome. It was a day that the English Prick was the low net champion with a net 66, GM the low Gross Champion with a 72. A pace of play violation that day would cost Hogan’s Heroes the Title…what a “Crazy-Ass” finish. I remember tallying up points inside the High Bridge tent trying to determine what team had won the pennant. With a crowd of people surrounding me…an event I will probably remember as one of the GMA Tour’s most exciting rounds. To make matters worse, there was a crew of players enjoying free beer from the keg, after finishing their round hours ago, and they were certainly getting out of hand. And this was in a year, before Johnnie Walker arrived on the scene.

Enough with a flash back from 2011, let us move on to this year’s exciting Pennant race. A race that Professor Go-Go has been touting for weeks is …Bet the pot on Money shot… At the moment, we have the three top seeds within a half point of one another: 1. NUNI 160.50 2. Doomsday 160.38 3. The Money Shot 160.25 4. Sweet Spot 151.25 5. Slicer Nation 139.75

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The Number One seed gets a double bye from the Post Season and automatically qualifies for the World Series, where at that point, the Final Four battle for the 2016 GMA World Championship at Atlantic City Country Club.

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A tight race also means Jimmy Pacelli, our Rules & Regulations Chairman will be working overtime. When races get this close, the people who forget this is a social club and this is supposed to be fun…they get worked up into a paranoid frenzy, and delude themselves into believing that management is bent on screwing them. They have illusions that we are holding meetings on the grassy knoll, and conspiring to minimize their chances of victory. Oftentimes over the years I have noticed that a super competitive player like a Dan Price, for instance, is so focused on winning, that they enter a tunnel of thinking that only see things that effect themselves. How things might affect others is of no concern to them…it is ALL about them. A modern day term would best describe this as “Self Absorption”. On this afternoon at Jack Frost National, Anthony “The Machine” Fioretti was leading the Gross Field with a splendid -3 par 33 at the turn. After par’s on 1, 2 & 3, The Machine eagled No. 4, birdied 5, carded a bogey on No. 6, and laid a bird on 9. On the back nine he posted three bogey’s and five par’s and was even par going into No. 18, a 476-yard par 5. Trying to place his approach shot on the green in two after a solid drive, he pulled it into the woods and finished with a double bogey 7, for a 33-41-74. Joshua “The Hawk” Rosen, the Money’s Shot Captain, was paired with David Knight two groups behind Mr. Fioretti, and Hawk was -2 under at the

turn with a 34. Mr. Rosen’s front nine was a pretty smooth ride… 7 par’s combined with back-to-back birds on No. 4 & 5. On the back nine he posted a 38, that included a bird on No. 16, bogey’s on 10, 14 and 17, and 5 pars. His total of 34-38-72 would top the 96 player field and yield him his 11th victory. A win, we might add, that resulted in his decals placed on the GMA Tour’s, 2002 Dodge Ram 1500 Quad Cab White Trash Mobile Hall of Fame.

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The Hawk’s Recap of his Round: Beginning with our approach shots into #1, we never saw the group in front of us. All 4 of us were busting ass to catch up, and in that heat it wasn't pretty. Having a rangefinder sure helped limit me and my partner's extra steps. Playing with Dave Knight is, well, playing with Dave Knight. He really kicked ass on those par 3s (on the front) (only) (yes, only 2 strokes counted from his score all day), else we could be looking at a nice Hitman pool and still the first place team... If it wasn't for a missed 5 foot birdie putt on #2, I would have been under par. To be fair, that putt was hard to read, while I burned the edge, my opponent

before me from a foot behind on the same line

had missed 9 feet to the right I'll take even par any day, which is why the # on my Taylor Made Project (a)'s are all 72. Craig Smith of Double Down was our Net Champion at the 23rd Annual Jackhammer. Mr. Smith, of Pequannock, and riding partner Johnny Mac nearly took the team honors as they posted a

team net score of 32-29-61 for a Silver Team finish. Craig had his finest round on the GMA Tour finishing tied for Gross Runner Up with Anthony Fioretti, as Mr. Smith posted a gross 38-36-74 with birds on 3, 5 & 18, resulting in a blistering net finish of 33-31-64. Anand Surange of the Moons finished Net Silver with a 31-34-65. Hawk Rosen and General John Danckwerth finished pushing for Net Bronze with 67’s. Double Down was in a situation where they were sending only two teams up to compete at Jack Frost and hold onto the 10 spot, aka as “The Cinderella Seed”. In the end they needed only one team to hold the position. Johnny "Give me the DAMN Skin" Mac and Craig "Smitty" Smith combined to hold off a tough SLN squad (Hideoki Hagiwara and Benjamin Ohtsu). The warm day proved to be the ticket to heat “Smitty” up and shoot his lowest career score after dropping a 45-foot putt for birdie on 18 and finishing with a 74 and taking the Net crown with a 64. Then there was Johnny Mac (a 27 handicapper with the nerve to put his money in the birdie pool, sticking a shot to 4-feet and sinking the put for birdie on 17 to close the match, and claim a skin!) The team combined for an outstanding net of 61, but proved to be just one shot short of the big 1.2K Hit Man pool. Double Down with this kind of play continues to make the earlier critics predicating their demise look a bit silly, as they continue to hold onto the 10th spot widening their lead, while also gaining ground on the teams above in 8th and 9th. Dom’s boys are certainly holding ground against Beer Pressure in their War for the Cinderella Seed. If they do make it to the Post Season Dance they could be fielding three hot warriors of late that include Citizen Kane, Bill Leave Me the F$ck Alone Fraser, and the Master of the Kill, the Polish King from Princeton New Jersey, Polish Joseph Dombrowski. The best 18-handicapper in the North Eastern United States…Polish Joe…he will whip your ass from head to toe…say it ain’t so…Polish Joe. We didn’t get any feed from our team champions, Leo the Lion, and Andrew White Pants Surange. They won team gold with a net 60, and took home the Hitman Pool of 1.2 K…Leo the lion stumbled on the front, and Andrew White Pants engineered this win…or at least I gather from the card…

The Bomber sporting his winter Celtic’s gear… Is the Bomber Trade Curse still ailing Sweet Spot???

LAWRENCE “IKE” EICHEN, ESQ.

Attorney at Law, State of New Jersey

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