STANDARDS, LIMITS AND CONSEQUENCES

For a

Positive Parenting

Parenting Styles

Permissive Parents Authoritarian Parents Indifferent ParentsDemocratic Parents

Permissive Parents

– Basic characteristics

– High affection and low control and

demand

– Self-confidence

– Little psychological distress

– Behavior problems and abuse in

drug use

Authoritarian Parents

– Basic characteristics

– High level of control and

maturity requirements

– Low level of

communication and

explicit affection.

– Obedience, order, little

tenacity, little affectivity, low

self-esteem, difficulties in

relating.

Indifferent parents

– Basic characteristics

– Under affection and under

control and demand

– School problems

– Psychological

adjustment problems

– Many behavior

problems and drug

abuse

Democratic Parents

– Basic characteristics

– High affection and high control and

demand

– 1. Provide affection

– 2. Knows how to communicate

– 3. Oversees and demands

responsibilities

– 4.It is flexible and adjusts to new

needs

– 5. Promote autonomy

POSITIVE ASPECTS OF THE USE OF LIMITS

– WHAT ARE THEY?

– WHAT ARE THEY FOR?

– WHEN TO START PUTTING

THEM?

– HOW DO THEY GET IT?

– THE LIMITS MUST BE CLEAR.

Protect the child and others from psychological harm

– Help them learn to respect and respect the rights, ideas

and feelings of others.

Promote adequate self-esteem

– Setting limits encourages self-esteem improvement

in an indirect way

– The fact that a child knows what to expect is going to

create an image of himself as someone who does

things properly or improperly.

When there are no limits or they are very soft or inconsistent.– A. There is a risk that children will develop behavioral mismatches.

– B. Children ignore or disagree with their parents' demands and are not

responsible for their behavior

Self esteem concept

– Ability to establish an identity and give yourself a positive value.

– It is essential for psychological survival

– It is linked to the educational style, especially in the early years.

– It also depends on how we judge ourselves and how we value ourselves.

Low self-esteem can be

– A) Situational: when it is

undervalued in a certain area

(work, family, social, ...)

– B) Characteristic: when the feeling

of little worth is global.

How to set limits. Aspects to consider

– A) First step: “limit the limits”.

– Do not make rules to make them.

– Focus on the really important limits. Choose which conflicts to fight with.

– B) Second step: "Set reasonable limits"

– Set limits that can be met, adapted to age and abilities.

– If they are not reasonable, low levels of self-esteem can develop.

How to set limits. Aspects to consider

– C) Third step. "How to set limits."

– Make them clear and specific.

– Positively formulated.

– Be firm. Do not change the limit in a short time.

– To be consistent.

– Negotiate limits.

How to set limits. Aspects to consider

– D) Fourth step. "If the limits are ignored"

– Ignore, as far as possible, tantrums, calls for attention, ... removing

the audience.

– Give precise instructions, giving compliance options whenever

possible, praising the agreement or warning of the consequences

of non-compliance.

– Examine your own limits.

Consequences: rewards and punishments

– Rules and limits address situations that need to be regulated; and

these are outlining the character and way of functioning of the

children ...

– In addition to the norms and limits, there are a large number of

stimuli that day after day are received by the adolescents and they

also shape a style.

– These stimuli are rewards and punishments, which are used

consciously or unconsciously by parents and educators. That face

that we put, the tone of voice, that reward… ..

REWARDS

– "Repeats what gives satisfaction" If you reward a behavior of your

child that is rewarding and satisfying for him, it is very likely that he

will repeat it.

– Prioritize social rewards over materials.

– Materials reward: Money sports equipment or toys.

– Social rewards: attention, praise, which make them feel more

comfortable with themselves.

REWARDS

– "Decide when to use material rewards."

– To do it in an extraordinary way and with things that you know are

costing you a special effort

– “Adapt the awards to the way of being of each one”

– Keep in mind that people are not the same. There are prizes that

can be used for one but not for the other. Adapt the prizes to the

way of being of each child.

REWARDS

– "Reward immediately after desired behavior"

– The greater the distance between the behavior and the reward, the

less the effect.

– "It is preferable to use a positive approach"

– It is preferable to actively seek the good behavior of the children to

reward them, than to operate based on punishments.

Punishments

– One way to eliminate inappropriate behavior is to go through it

continuously and permanently, never rewarding it even with

attention.

– Punishment is a way to cut behavior that cannot be ignored.

– Punishment should not be used as a normal means of correcting

the child.

Punishments

– NEGATIVE EFECTS OF PUNISHMENT ABUSE:

Let the change not last long. You can suppress the behavior for a while but again it repeats itself.

Demand ever stronger punishment

The relationship between parents and children suffers, origin of an affective rejection.

People learn by imitation.

–

GOOD USE OF PUNISHMENT

– It is immediate, without unnecessary postponements.

– It happens whenever the fault is committed without depending on

the good or bad mood of the moment.

– Offer your child an alternative. Not only is he punished, but what is

expected of him and the way in which he can do it are made

explicit.

– It is the last resort and should not be the usual way to act.

– Prioritize what is most important, this will not punish everything

GOOD USE OF PUNISHMENT

– Respect for the person remains intact, without

suffering self-esteem. It is the actions that are right

or wrong.

– DO NOT use: you are useless

– You're a bum

– Use: you did it wrong

– you don't study enough ...

Logical consequences

– What are they?

– They are an alternative response to the reward and punishment

method: but they can coexist.

– It consists of relating the behavior of the young person with the

consequences that are derived from it.

– These consequences emphasize reality and the recognition of

mutual duties and rights.

How to apply logical consequences 

Do something unexpected. "ACT NOT REACT"

It is important to stay calm, and show that you want the best,

therefore offer alternatives.

Value effort more than results.

Stimulate --- Praise are different.

– Alum Rock Counseling Center1245 E. Santa Clara St.

San José, CA 95116

https://www.alumrockcc.org/

24/7 Crisis line: (408) 294-0579

Office : (408) 294-0500

Prevention and Early Intervention Program (PEI)

Desseray Vega, AMFT Cynthia Leyva, AMFT

Program Manager Program Manager

(408)797-8875 (408) 421-6614

(English) (Spanish)

LÍMITES y

CONSECUENCIAS

Para una

Crianza Positiva

Estilos de Crianza

Padres PermisivosPadres AutoritariosPadres Indiferentes

Padres Democráticos

Padres Permisivos

– Confianza en ellos mismos

– Poco malestar psicologico

– Problemas de conducta y abuso

ene el consume de drogas

–Alto afecto y bajo control y exigencia

Padres Autoritarios

– Alto nivel de

control y de

exigencies de

madurez

– Bajo nivel de

comunicacion y

de afecto

explicito.

– Obedencia,

orden, poca

tenacidad, poca

afectividad,

baja

autoestima,

dificultades

para

relacionarse.

Padres Indiferentes

– bajo afecto y bajo control

y exigencia

– Problemas escolares

– Problemas de ajustes

psicologicos

– Muchos problemas de

conducta y abuso de

consume de drogas

Padres Democraticos

– alto afecto y alto control

y exigencia

– 1. Proporciona afecto

– 2. Sabe comunicarse

– 3. Supervisa y exige responsabilidades

– 4.Es flexible y se ajusta a las nuevas necesidades

– 5. Fomenta la autonomía

Como puedo poner limites en mi hogar?Cuando no hay limites o reglas, existe el riesgo de que los hijos desarrollen desajustes del

comportamiento. Los hijos ignoran o están en desacuerdo con las demandas de sus padres y no se responsabilizan de su comportamiento.

1.Limite los limites: No hacer normas por hacerlas- centrarnos en los límites realmente importantes.

2.Sea razonable: Poner límites que se puedan cumplir, adaptados a la edad y capacidades. Si no son razonables, se pueden

desarrollar bajos niveles de autoestima.

3.Claro y especifico: Hable sobre los limites/las reglas anteriormente y asegúrense de que queden claros- queremos evitar

“pórtate bien” “limpia la cocina.” >>>>> ”después de jugar, se guardan los juguetes en tal lugar” “quiero que laves los trastes y

saques la basura”

4.Consistencia: Necesitamos ser firmes y consistentes con estos límites para que funcionen.

Implementar limites es buena oportunidad para practicar la negociación con sus hijos y ayuda a incorporarlos en el proceso

Que pasa si mis hijo/as me ignoran?

▪ Ignorar en la medida de lo posible las rabietas, las llamadas de atención

▪ Darles la oportunidad de intentar de nuevo antes de regañar

▪ Dar recordatorios antes de que tengan que cumplir con algo- “te quedan cinco minutos en el teléfono” “en diez minutos te necesito en la mesa para la cena”

▪ Reevaluar los limites/reglas- hay algo que no esta funcionando que podemos cambiar?

▪ Es importante que todos estén en la misma pagina- tener juntas familiares para hablar sobres las reglas y los limites en el hogar

Recompensas

– “Se repite aquello que da satisfacción” Si premias una

conducta de tu hijo que sea gratificante y satisfactoria para

él, es muy probable que la vuelva a repetir.

– Priorizar las recompensa sociales a las materiales.

Recompensa materiales: Dinero material deportivo o

juguetes.

Recompensas sociales: atención, elogios, que les

hacen sentirse más a gusto con ellos mismos.

Recompensas

– Decidir cuando se van a utilizar recompensas materiales.

– Hacerlo de manera extraordinaria y con cosas que sabéis que le cuestan un especial esfuerzo

– Adaptar los premios a la manera de ser de cada uno

– Tener en cuenta que las personas no son iguales. Hay premios que pueden servir para uno pero no para

otro. Adaptar los premios a la manera de ser de cada hijo.

– Premia inmediatamente después del comportamiento deseado****

– Cuanta mayor distancia hay entre la conducta y la recompensa menor es el efecto.

– Elogios

– Es preferible utilizar un enfoque positivo

– Es preferible buscar activamente el buen comportamiento de los hijos para recompensarlo, en vez de

enfocarnos en lo negativo

Consecuencias

– Es inmediato, sin aplazamientos innecesarios.

– Ocurre siempre que se comete la falta sin depender del buen o mal humor del momento.

– Ofrece al hijo una alternativa. No solo se castiga si no que se explicita lo que se espera de él y el modo en que puede realizarlo

– Es el último recurso y no debe ser la manera habitual de actuar.

– Establecer prioridades sobre lo que es más importante, de este modo no se castigará todo

Usando consecuencias en ves de castigos: Permanece intacto el respeto por la persona, sin que sufra la autoestima. Son las acciones las que son correctas o incorrectas., no la persona

No hay que utilizar el castigo como medio habitual para corregir al hijo/a.

Consecuencias

– EFECTOS NEGATIVOS DEL ABUSO DEL CASTIGO:

– Que el cambio dure poco. Se puede suprimir la conducta por un

tiempo pero de nuevo vuelve a repetirse.

– Exige cada vez castigos más fuertes

– La relación entre padres e hijos se resiente, origen de un rechazo

afectivo.

– Las personas aprenden por imitación.

Consecuencias lógicas

– ¿qué son?

– Son una respuesta alternativa frente al método del premio y

consecuencia: pero pueden coexistir.

– Consiste en relacionar la conducta del joven con las consecuencias

que de ella se derivan.

– Estas consecuencias, ponen el acento sobre la realidad y el

reconocimiento de los mutuos deberes y derechos.

Cómo aplicar consecuencias lógicas.

– Hacer algo inesperado. “ACTUAR NO REACCIONAR”

– Importante mantener la calma, y mostrar que deseas lo mejor, por ello ofrecer alternativas.

– Valorar más el esfuerzo que los resultados.

– Estimular---Elogiar son diferentes.

– Alum Rock Counseling Center– 1245 E. Santa Clara St.

– San José, CA 95116

– https://www.alumrockcc.org/

– 24/7 Crisis line: (408) 294-0579

– Office : (408) 294-0500

– Prevention and Early Intervention Program (PEI)

– Desseray Vega, AMFT Cynthia Leyva, AMFT

– Program Manager Program Manager

– (408)797-8875 (408) 421-6614

– (English) (Spanish)