Men’s Weekend 2009

Love, marriage and break-up in the media

Brothers in Arms

Love, marriage & break-up in the mediaTalk 1

“Imagine if you will, a flat territory that is deeply cut by a ravine or a canyon. On the one side of the ravine is the biblical world, and on the other side is the modern world. Between these two territories lies a deep gulf – two thousands years of changing culture. Evangelical people live in the biblical world, on one side of the divide.

We believe the Bible, meditate on the Bible, and love the Bible. We are essentially biblical people. But we are not so comfortable in the modern world, on the other side of the divide

Those who think themselves as liberal often make the opposite mistake. They live in the modern world. People listen to them because they seem to resonate with modernity, or post-modernity.

But in reality they have jettisoned biblical revelation. They may be contemporary, but they are decidedly un-biblical. Their preaching lands squarely in contemporary reality.

… Evangelicals are biblical, but not contemporary, while liberals are contemporary but not biblical.

We need ‘double listening’ Listening to the voice of God in Scripture, and listening to the voices of the modern world, with all their cries of anger, pain and despair…”

Media as agent of socialisation

Socialisation is the process whereby individuals are made aware of the behaviour that others expect of them regarding norms and values

Total broadcast TV viewing (average UK) in Q3 of 2009 was 23.2 hours a week

Total broadcast Radio listening (average UK) was 22.1 hours a week

Internet consumption in 2010 will average 32 hours per week

Research shows that for some 18-24 year olds the PC is the only television screen

To this generation, TV frequently means video delivered on demand, with one in seven 18-24 year olds now watching no live TV at all.

“Their preaching lands squarely in contemporary reality”

Media literacy

1. Who created the message and why?2. What techniques are being used to attract

my attention?3. What lifestyles, values and points of view

are represented in the message?4. How might different people understand this

message differently from me?5. What is omitted from this message?

Love ... and the media

Clip 01 The Wedding Singer

Clip 02 Love Actually

Clip 02 When Harry Met Sally

“To love someone, when there is no chance of that love ever thriving, that is romance.”Dawson's Creek

“We should all be so lucky to have someone who will never let us go. The ultimate legacy is to leave behind someone who will love you forever.”Ally McBeal

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (1-5)1. Your perfect partner is cosmically predestined, so

nothing/nobody can ultimately separate you

2. There's such a thing a "love at first sight"

3. Your true soul mate should KNOW what you're thinking or feeling without your having to tell

4. If your partner is truly meant for you, sex is easy and wonderful

5. To attract and keep a man, a woman needs to look like a model

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (1-5)1. Your perfect partner is cosmically predestined, so

nothing/nobody can ultimately separate you

2. There's such a thing a "love at first sight"

3. Your true soul mate should KNOW what you're thinking or feeling without your having to tell

4. If your partner is truly meant for you, sex is easy and wonderful

5. To attract and keep a man, a woman needs to look like a model

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (1-5)1. Your perfect partner is cosmically predestined, so

nothing/nobody can ultimately separate you

2. There's such a thing a "love at first sight"

3. Your true soul mate should KNOW what you're thinking or feeling without your having to tell

4. If your partner is truly meant for you, sex is easy and wonderful

5. To attract and keep a man, a woman needs to look like a model

“Through movies and television I’ve become accustomed to seeing how mass media couples act and react to each other. They always know how to say the most unbelievably romantic thing at the right time. They also have some weird from of telepathy where they’re always thinking the same thing as the other person. These kinds of portrayal have made my own relationship almost impossible

at times.”

Jason, 21 year old student

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (1-5)1. Your perfect partner is cosmically predestined, so

nothing/nobody can ultimately separate you

2. There's such a thing a "love at first sight"

3. Your true soul mate should KNOW what you're thinking or feeling without your having to tell

4. If your partner is truly meant for you, sex is easy and wonderful

5. To attract and keep a man, a woman needs to look like a model

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (1-5)1. Your perfect partner is cosmically predestined, so

nothing/nobody can ultimately separate you

2. There's such a thing a "love at first sight"

3. Your true soul mate should KNOW what you're thinking or feeling without your having to tell

4. If your partner is truly meant for you, sex is easy and wonderful

5. To attract and keep a man, a woman needs to look like a model

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (6-10)6. The man should NOT be shorter, weaker, younger, poorer, or

less successful than the woman

7. The love of a good and faithful true woman can change a man from a "beast" into a "prince"

8. Bickering and fighting a lot mean that a man and a woman love each other passionately

9. All you really need is love, so it doesn't matter if you and your loved one have very different values

10.The right mate "completes you"— fulfilling your needs and making your dreams come true.

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (6-10)6. The man should NOT be shorter, weaker, younger, poorer, or

less successful than the woman

7. The love of a good and faithful true woman can change a man from a "beast" into a "prince"

8. Bickering and fighting a lot mean that a man and a woman love each other passionately

9. All you really need is love, so it doesn't matter if you and your loved one have very different values

10.The right mate "completes you"— fulfilling your needs and making your dreams come true.

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (6-10)6. The man should NOT be shorter, weaker, younger, poorer, or

less successful than the woman

7. The love of a good and faithful true woman can change a man from a "beast" into a "prince"

8. Bickering and fighting a lot mean that a man and a woman love each other passionately

9. All you really need is love, so it doesn't matter if you and your loved one have very different values

10.The right mate "completes you"— fulfilling your needs and making your dreams come true.

“The classic sitcom Cheers is one of my all-time favourites. Like Same and Diane I was in a rocky relationship, except ours wasn’t always peppered with great one-liners. Nevertheless, I thought that constant fighting was how an exciting couple communicated their intense feelings for each other, like in Cheers. Turns out constant fighting is part of relationships – dysfunctional ones! We broke up, but first we wasted a lot of time and energy trying to live up to what looked so exciting and romantic of television.”

TDarren, 24

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (6-10)6. The man should NOT be shorter, weaker, younger, poorer, or

less successful than the woman

7. The love of a good and faithful true woman can change a man from a "beast" into a "prince"

8. Bickering and fighting a lot mean that a man and a woman love each other passionately

9. All you really need is love, so it doesn't matter if you and your loved one have very different values

10.The right mate "completes you"— fulfilling your needs and making your dreams come true.

10 Golden Rules of Love on TV (6-10)6. The man should NOT be shorter, weaker, younger, poorer, or

less successful than the woman

7. The love of a good and faithful true woman can change a man from a "beast" into a "prince"

8. Bickering and fighting a lot mean that a man and a woman love each other passionately

9. All you really need is love, so it doesn't matter if you and your loved one have very different values

10.The right mate "completes you"— fulfilling your needs and making your dreams come true.

The study found that mass media images in television, movies, and advertisements affect or reinforce unrealistic ideals about romantic relationships.

Furthermore, the study discovered that mass media images affect children's perceptions of romance. They noted that from watching media, children associated romance with excessive or grandiose expectations about relationships.

Mass media, specifically television images influence romantic partners to have negative perceptions about their own romantic relationships, possibly to the point of terminating their relationships.

Most people are aware that movies are fictional, yet movies still have an influence on our moods.

Women, especially, wish their husbands were more like the romantic heroes in their favourite movies.

Clip 04 Pretty Woman

Glimpses of biblical truthAt mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had left some over. As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Even if she gathers among the sheaves, don’t embarrass her. Rather, pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her”

Ruth 2: 14-16

Marriage ... and the media

Clip 05 Fawlty Towers

Clip 06 Sex In The City

Portrayal of marriage in popular British television drama differs from reality, the study looked at the outcomes of all marriage ceremonies which took place over the period 2003 to 2008

• Coronation Street• Eastenders • Emmerdale

The divorce rate among ‘soap marriages’ is up to four times higher than the real divorce rate.

The rate at which marriages are annulled in the programmes studied was 71 times higher than reality.

23% of all marriage ceremonies in these programmes are begun but are not completed.

13% of all marriage ceremonies in these programmes take place during the Christmas/New Year period. The nearest comparison to real life would be that 7% of actual marriages take place during the whole of December and January.

22% of the marriages have subsequently ended due to the death of the husband or wife.

Of the 36 weddings which took place during the period under study in these programmes, 30% remain intact.

Marriage is often portrayed by TV and magazines as something you endure rather than enjoy.

Shows like Friends glorify the single life and show marriage as a last resort. They become anti-marriage advertisements.

- Marriage is a trap- Children are a nuisance- Live it up while you can

It’s predicted that a third of today’s teenagers will cohabit rather than ever marry. Only one in ten of their grandparents lived this way.Source: ONS/Guardian, 2007

Less than a fifth of cohabiting unions survive 5 years or more. Less than a tenth survive ten years or more.Source: Families in Britain, Cabinet Office Strategy Unit 2008

The number of children born outside marriage rose from 27.9% in 1990 to 42.9% in 2006.Source: Mintel, 2007

In 2006, 39% of UK weddings involved someone who was getting married for at least the second time.Source: ONS, 2008

The Civil Partnership Act came into force December 2005. Since then 18,000 civil partnerships have been formed. Almost all are in England and Wales; only 1% took place in Northern Ireland.Source: ONS, 2007

In the 1950s and '60s it used to be that you would never see married couples in bed together

... when you turn the television on now you still never see married couples in bed together, but for entirely different reasons…

...You'll see teenagers in bed with prostitutes, men in bed with their mistresses, and teachers in bed with their students .... such practices appear on screen 2.7 times as often as marital sex does

Even children and teens who seldom watch TV can easily come across references to or depictions of abnormal sex, and suffer long-lasting effects on how they think and feel about sex and marriage. Washington Times, November 2008

Glimpses of biblical truth

Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5: 25-28

Split-up ... and the media

In reality, today's marriages are more like the Hollywood stars' marriages, who play the heroes.

Many in Hollywood marry out of infatuation, instead of love and end up in unhappy divorces.

Instead of being prepared for the work, they give up and claim irreconcilable differences.

On TV sex within marriage is either a burden or nonexistent, while adultery and extramarital sex are exciting and positive experiences for the people involved.

Across hundreds of hours of programming, references to non marital sex outnumbered references to marital sex by three to one

There were twice as many references to adultery as to married sex. When references to marital sex did crop up, they were usually negative.

Clip 07 What Katie Did Next

Clip 08 Peter - The Next Chapter

Whilst attitudes to premarital sex have become more liberal; they have remained unchanged with regards to extramarital sex. 85% of people disapprove. The same percentage disapproved back in 1985.Source: BSA 24th report, 2008

Questions for discussion1. How do portrayals of love in the media conflict with a

biblical understanding of love?

2. Can you think of any examples of a positive portrayal of marriage in the mass media?

3. What can Christians do to promote a biblical perspective of love and marriage?

4. What are the most damaging aspects of the portrayal of adultery / break-up in the media?