Academic English IIi
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Transcript of Academic English IIi
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ACADEMIC ENGLISH IIIClass9
October 4, 2013
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Running head: LEFT-alignedCAPITAL LETTERS
Page numbers: RIGHT-alignedTop- right corner
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TodayImproving writing clarity.
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Often, writing looks like this
Photo credit: creators.ning.com
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Improving Writing Skills
“Waste Management” – taking out the trash
Source: commons.wikimedia.org
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Taking out the trashIn the class that we are going to hold on this day, it is my plan that we, as a class, will look at an issue which is common in writing fairly often; I want to talk about and discuss the issue of ‘wordiness’.
Today, we will examine a common issue, wordiness.
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WordinessConciseness is important in both academic and business writing.
- Concise writing expresses ideas without unnecessary wordiness.
Wordiness:
- Increases the length of your work without adding meaning.
- Makes writing more difficult to understand.
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WordinessExample 1:
The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price.
2 issues:
1. The words reason, why, and because all express the same idea.
2. Saying something is inexpensive includes the idea of price.
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WordinessExample 1:
The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price.
Concisely:
Dave came to Success College because it is inexpensive.
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WordinessExample 2:
Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work.
2 issues:
1. ‘Despite the fact that’ is just a long way of saying ‘despite’.
2. ‘Came to the conclusion that’ is a long way of saying decided.
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WordinessExample 2:
Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work.
Concisely:
Despite feeling ill, Ann decided to go to work.
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WordinessIn my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.
- This sentence can be cut down to three words:
Sociology is fascinating.
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WordinessIn my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.
Sociology is fascinating.
- In my opinion and I think just repeat the same idea.
- Fascinating is clearly a judgment, so there is no need to include either ‘I think’ or ‘In my opinion’.
- Sociology includes the idea of studying it, so the study of is redundant.
- Fascinating can be defined as very interesting, so adding very is unnecessary.
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Some simple examplesAll of the following examples are wordy.
- Why is each wordy?
- How can each be written concisely?
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1. The stegosaurus was huge in size. - The stegosaurus was huge.
2. Now she is at school. • - She is at school.
3. He was happy and joyful about the great gift. • - He was happy about the gift.
4. Because of the fact that he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim decided to take the night off. • - Because he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim took the night off.
5. In the summer season, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. • - In the summer, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park.
6. On January 14, in the middle of winter, the weather was freezing cold. • - On January 14, the weather was freezing.• - January 14 was freezing.
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7. I think smoking in public places should be banned. • - Smoking in public should be banned.
8. In order to get the true facts of the case, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. • - To get the facts, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses.
9. Furthermore, Henry VIII also married six different women. • - Henry VIII also married six women.
10. Redundancy is defined as unnecessary repetition. • - Redundancy is unnecessary repetition.
11. New Westminster, which was British Columbia’s first capital city, is located on the shores of the Fraser River. • - New Westminster, British Columbia’s first capital city, is located along the Fraser
River.
12. The computer is sitting on top of the table. • - The computer is on the table.
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Common Causes of WordinessW = wordy C = concise
Use of vague words which need explanation instead of precise words.
W: She talked to him in a loud angry voice. C: She yelled at him.
W: The crime wave had some bad results that cost people a lot of money.
C: The crime wave had some costly results.
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Common Causes of WordinessUse of long expressions instead of individual words
W: to come to the conclusion that C: to decide
W: to put forward the idea that C: to suggest
i.e., The president put forward the idea that the meeting be extended.
The president suggested that the meeting be extended.
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Common Causes of WordinessRepetitive wording:
end result
past experience
share in common
small in size
= end
= past
= share
= small
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Common Causes of WordinessRepetitive wording:
made a discovery
made an attempt
made an accusation
made an appearance
made a decision
= discovered
= attempted
= accused
= appeared
= decided
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Common Causes of WordinessRepetitive wording, or words that provide excessive detail
W: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of learning the rules of playing chess.
C: Imagine someone attempting to learn the rules of chess.
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Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects W: It was exciting to go to the New Year celebrations. C: The New Year celebrations were exciting.
W: There were thirty-four people in the room who were waiting for the mayor.
C: Thirty-four people in the room were waiting for the mayor.
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Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects “Empty Openers”
W: There is a prize in every box of Almond Flakes cereal.C: A prize is in every box of Almond Flakes cereal.
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Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of relative clauses (starting with that, who, which) W: The news, which was released yesterday, was devastating. C: The news released yesterday was devastating.
W: The girl who was talented gave a concert. C: The talented girl gave a concert.
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Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of passive verbs
W: The criminal was caught by the police, and later the
criminal was convicted by the courts.
C: The police caught the criminal and the court convicted him.
passive
passive
active active
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn business writing, active sentences are generally preferred over passive sentences.
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.
Active voice:
- The subject performs the action expressed by the verb.
i.e., Andrew threw the hammer.
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.
Passive voice:
- The subject receives the action expressed by the verb.
i.e., The hammer was thrown by Andrew.
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.
- The active voice is:
- More concise
- More direct
- Easier to understand
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceExamples:
It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.
Active:
Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceExamples:
The Old Man and the Sea was written by Ernest Hemmingway.
Active:
Ernest Hemmingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea.
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Side note: passive vs. active voiceException:
If the agent – the one performing the action- is unknown, you can use the passive voice.
i.e., The walls had been defaced by grafitti.
The car was pushed over the cliff.
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Practice
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1. Terry Fox is perhaps one of Canada’s greatest modern heroes because he did something amazing even though he lost his leg.
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2. Terry Fox was born in 1958 in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
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3. At the age of 19, Fox was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer.
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4. Doctors decided to amputate most of one of his legs to stop the cancer from spreading.
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5. While recovering from the amputation, Fox came up with the “Marathon of Hope”, which he hoped would help him make a lot of money for cancer research.
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6. He began his run in St. John’s, Newfoundland on April 12, 1980.
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7. He ran nearly 40km per day and had run 5373 km when he got to Thunder Bay, a small city in western Ontario.
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8. In Thunderbay, cancer was discovered in his lungs so he had to end his run there.
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9. Fox was an inspiration to millions of people with his great bravery and devotion to his cause.
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10. With his run, he encouraged Canadians to contribute almost $25 million for cancer research.
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