6 impossible things before breakfast nah fs 2015 powerpoints

SixThings Before Breakfast

How to understand, persuade, influence, calm, excite and motivate

your team, your donors and your colleagues

Why ‘impossible’?

The challenge …

An NLP Smorgasbord ….

• How people understand the World (using sensory specific language to reflect their ‘truth’)

• Meta-programmes (finding words that get through ‘conceptual / filters’)

• Reframing (helping people get ‘unstuck’ from negative mindsets)

• Surface language and deep structure (Working out what people really mean)

• Working with the ‘emotional mind’ (you can’t wrestle a chimp)

Finding the right words for each individual, that will express what you mean in ways that they can relate to and believe and which

will therefore persuade, influence and motivate them more

effectively

Alfred Korzybski

External Event

External Event

Delete, Distort & Generalise

Interpret / represent

UNIVERSALS

‘always’, ‘never’, ‘all’ or ‘none’

Examples

‘They are all against the idea’

‘We always support one another’

‘She never notices the extra work that I do’

‘they don’t show me any respect’

‘I’m the only one who can do the job’

‘the staff team are very angry’

‘Mine’s a better way to do it’

‘It was a very successful project’

‘‘We need to be more productive’We need to be more productive’

‘Mine’s a better way to do it’

‘in what way is it better?’

‘It was a very successful project’

‘how do you measure ‘success’’?

‘‘We need to be more productive’We need to be more productive’

‘‘How will we measure that, exactly?’How will we measure that, exactly?’

Examples

‘They are a really lazy bunch’

‘How do you know that everyone of them is lazy?’

External Event

Delete, Distort & Generalise

Experience, Values, Beliefs, Memories, Culture

Physiology/State

Interpret / represent

Response

So, as we PROCESS external data, we CREATE AN INACCURATE ‘map’ of

reality, which makes us FEEL a certain way, which drives

our RESPONSE

Stephen Covey

“Seek first to understand, then to be

understood”

My model of the World is different from yours

Three Key Input Channels

• Visual• Auditory• Kinesthetic

By paying attention to the manner in which

someone communicates, you can gain information

about how best to communicate your thoughts to them

Visual

• Lots of gestures• Talks quickly, sometimes hardly stopping• Varied inflection • Looks up to think• Can jump from subject to subject• Happy to be interrupted• Makes quick decisions

Auditory

• Hold themselves still• Talk with measured pace• Flat inflection pattern• Look sideways to think or check info• Need to finish what they say before stopping• Hate being interrupted• Need to think things through before making decisions

Kinesthetic

• Laid back• Talks slowly, often with long silences• Low pitch• Looks down to think and check info• Gets annoyed when people finish their sentences• Makes well considered decisions after much

contemplation

Visual Auditory KinestheticImage Clear-cut Defined Perspective Scope Panorama See Observe Focus Outlook Inspect Glimpse Illustrate Demarcate Paint Cloud Graphic Show Reveal Expose Illuminate Picture

Tune Note Ring Tone Listen Mute Chime in Sound Hear Click Recite Static Chord Voice Alarm Say Clear Muffle Shout

Tell

Touch Handle Throw Shock Brush Blow Clash Strike Press Grope Pound Impact Stroke Irritate Tickle Feel Move Shape Bounce Toy with

You are a social worker based in hospital. A private landlord has been

in touch with you to say that the tenancy of a young woman who is

an inpatient with depression will end in a fortnight.

Visual Auditory KinestheticImage Clear-cut Defined Perspective Scope Panorama See Observe Focus Outlook Inspect Glimpse Illustrate Demarcate Paint Cloud Graphic Show Reveal Expose Illuminate Picture

Tune Note Ring Tone Listen Mute Chime in Sound Hear Click Recite Static Chord Voice Alarm Say Clear Muffle Shout

Tell

Touch Handle Throw Shock Brush Blow Clash Strike Press Grope Pound Impact Stroke Irritate Tickle Feel Move Shape Bounce Toy with

“I’m hoping that you might see your way to help us focus on a solution. Her outlook for recovery would be clearer if you could show a little

patience?

“She went really quite went I told her the news. I don’t want to sound

alarmist, but we might only hear that she’s recovering if I could tell her

that you’ve listened and will demonstrate a little patience

“It’s been a great shock to her. I’m sure you can grasp how she feels at the moment. It might help her move

forward towards recovery if you could throw her a lifeline – exercise

a little patience?”

Meta ProgrammesAKA Language and Behaviour Patterns

AKS Conceptual Filters

People Projects

•Communicative•Gegarious•Sympathetic and understanding•Can be indecisive•Finds confrontation hard

•Makes things happen•Meets deadlines•Gets results•Can be edgy and anxious•Can ‘ride rough-shod’

RELATIONSHIPS/GOALS

In time Through time

•Fully in the moment•Concentrates on tasks•Emotionally and mentally ‘there’ for people•Often late•Too involved in too much

•Good planner•Good time keeper•Making lists more important than the tasks!•Not ‘in the moment’

EXPERIENCE OF TIME

Towards

Away from

•Drive•Goals•Positive energy•Gung Ho•Poor finisher

•Risk assessor•Safety first•Overly cautious•Negative thinker•Choices are based on avoidance rather than desire (no direction)

MOTIVATIONAL DIRECTION

Influencing Language

• MOVES TOWARDS• Gain• Achieve• I want• Progress

• MOVES AWAY FROM

• Stay clear of• I don’t want• Avoid

Options/Possibilities

Procedures/Certainties

•You like a wide choice•Explores options•Happy to test and break rules•May procrastinate

•Efficient•Methodical•Job’s worth•Inflexible

FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT


• POSSIBILITIES/OPTIONS

• Alternatives• Flexibility• Choice• Let’s get creative• You have freedom of

action

• CERTAINTY/PROCEDURE

• Necessary• Step by step• Let’s do this the right

way

Internal External

•Self motivating•Will disregard good advice from others

•Will respond to praise and/or criticism•Can appear needy•Indecisive if no external feedback

FRAME OF REFERENCE

Emotional Mind

I think that you might

need to develop your interpersonal

skills

Talking to an ‘Internal’

Emotional Mind



skills

So?

Emotional Mind



skills

Talking to an ‘External’

Do you? Really? O.K.

Emotional Mind

Is there anything

you’d like to improve

about your interpersonal

skills?

Talking to an ‘Internal’

Yes there is

Self focus Others focus

•Self sufficient•Doesn’t get entangled in others’ problems•May be perceived as arrogant or uncaring

•Good team player•Stressed•Unpredictable (bases decisions on what others think or how they react)•Welfare of team more important than the job

ATTENTION DIRECTION

You want to change seating arrangements. Find ways to sell this to

both types.

You want a colleague to go on a training course. Find ways to sell it to

both types.

Detail/Specifics Global/General

•Spots mistakes•Likes big documents•Can get bogged down in detail•May be seen as pedantic•Loses sight of overall purpose

•Good strategist•Can generate big ideas•Misses things•Tunes out details•Too many ideas, not enough execution

SCOPE – ‘THE SIZE OF THE PICTURE’


• DETAIL• ?• ?• ?

• GENERAL• ?• ?• ?


• DETAIL• Exactly• Precisely• Specifically (followed

by sequential detail)

• GENERAL• The Big Picture• Overview• In general• In summary

Feeling Thinking

•Takes people’s feelings in account•Can get emotional

•Sound decisions based on facts and logic•Can appear cold and unfeeling•May not consider the feelings of others before speaking or acting

EMOTIONAL/RATIONAL SPECTRUM


• FEELING• ?• ?• ?

• THINKING• ?• ?• ?


• FEELING• How do feel about

that?• How exciting!• That’s wonderful of

you

• THINKING• Does that make

sense?• The cold reality is …• The evidence

suggests that …• Let’s be rational about

this

Sameness Difference

•Likes repetition•Can be seen as unadventurous

•Happy to try new things•Gets bored easily•Fixes things that aren’t broken

ROUTINE


• SAMENESS• Things will stay the

same• No change there then• It’s all very similar really• We’ll stick with the

familiar• Let’s keep doing the

same thing – but better!

• DIFFERENCE• I want to try

something new• Let’s change our

approach• This is a unique

solution• We can adapt

The Management of Change …

GOOD

BAD

SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE

The good things that will stay the same if something changes


GOOD

BAD



The bad things that will stay the same unless something changes


GOOD

BAD




The NEW good things that they will get only if something changes


GOOD

BAD




The NEW bad things that can be avoided if something changes

The NEW good things that they will get only if something changes


GOOD

BAD


We all get to keep a job under the new structure – doing much the same kind of thing


GOOD

BAD


We will continue to be under pressure, stressed and chasing our tails, unless we restructure


GOOD

BAD


The new structure will give us flexible working AND opportunities for promotion


GOOD

BAD


Targets increase every year. Things will only get worse unless we accept a new way of doing things

Drivers

• More brain, less heart• Goal oriented• Dominant personality style• Competitive

DRIVERS

“Get the job done now”

Analytics

• More brain, less heart• Facts• Detail• Calculation• Insular• Introverted

ANALYTICALS

“It’s important to get this right”

Expressives

• More heart – less head• Extrovert• Big personalities• Focused on self• Gregarious

EXPRESSIVES

“I have a very exciting idea”

Amiables

• Socially oriented• Team workers• High emotional intelligence• Focused on others• Not competitive

AMIABLES

“Let’s consider the impact doing this will have on our people”

Re-framing

Simple Verbal Re-frames

• ‘But’

• ‘And’

• ‘Even Though’

‘But’ emphasises the end of a sentence

‘Even though’ places emphasis on the start

‘And’ places equal emphasis on the beginning and the end

“It’s sunny today, but it will rain tomorrow”

“It’s sunny today, even though it will rain tomorrow”

“It’s sunny today, and it will rain tomorrow”

“I want to reach my very challenging target”

“I have a problem’

“If you are willing to work hard enough you can achieve anything you want to”

“you can achieve anything you want to if you are willing to work hard enough”

The Chimp Paradox – Who’s in Charge?

Our Two Minds

WiseMind

PlanThinkConsider

ReactInstinctImpulse

Rational Mind

Rational MindEmotional

Mind

Emotional Hijack

Instinctive Reaction

Discuss ….

• What happens when you use rationality on an emotional person?

• What happens of you try to pacify, explain, discuss an issue?

• What is your best course of action in this circumstance?

6 impossible things before breakfast nah fs 2015 powerpoints

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