39C Essay 1 Final Draft Graded

8/12/2019 39C Essay 1 Final Draft Graded

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Mateo Cuevas

Writing 39C

Erin McNellis

April 15, 2014

Organ Shortage: The Part of Society That is Left to Contribute

The world of medicine is constantly changing. There are new technological advances

every year that make methods used a decade ago seem obsolete or impractical today. One

medical issue that needs a big improvement is organ donations. Organ donations are a big deal

because, through the numbers gathered by the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network,

(OPTN) there are currently 112,220 candidates on the waiting list as of April 15, 2014; while the

number of donors, starting this year January 2014 up to April 11, 2014, the number of donors has

only been 1,209. (OPTN: Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network). These numbers

clearly show that the number of donors here in the U.S. do not meet the demand of those in need

of organs. Most of the people that are on this list will not survive if they do not receive a

transplant. The number of people who need organs will continuously rise and we cannot control

that number; and the number of donors will not increase fast enough to keep up with those in

need of organs. The U.S. has a problem trying to accommodate all the people who are in need of

organ donations, and the people who are able to help are not doing all they can in order to solve

this problem.


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This image from

Nick Cenevivas

Technical

Writing Blog, A

Technical

Writing Blog

with a

Bioengineering

focus, supports

the research done

by the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network showing a steady increase in the

number of people on the organ waiting list (Ceneviva). This graph also shows that while the

number of donors is also slowly increasing, it is nowhere near meeting the demand of patients on

the waiting list any time soon. The gap between the number of patients on the waiting list and

those who do donate is shown, by the graph, to be increasing every year.

Organ donations are vital to our society. More people are added to the organ waiting list

every day and the chances of them living decrease every minute that they are not able to receive

their transplant. In Sterling SimseEditorial A Brief History of Organ Transplantation from the

Penn Bioethics Journal, that is comes from the University of Pennsylvania, Sims, who was a

Health and Societies Major with a Bioethics concentration, gives us a summary of how

transplantations have come along through history. Sims discusses the crucial need of organs from

a very early start which lead to people even resorting to animal transplants to try and save

somebody. Not only that but he also mentions doctors fearing transplants because they failed

Comment [EM1]: Vague.


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very often and did not get too many chances, or donations to put into other patients. But then in

1962, Dr. Murray that was a part of the first successful live transplant on Richard Herrick in

1954 also successfully transplanted the first kidney from a cadaver to a living person (Sims).

This summary illuminates the major historical problems, from not understanding transplants, to

doctors not being able to perform them, to, an issue relevant today not having organs to

transplant. The success of Dr. Murrays transplant from a cadaver definitely opened new doors

for transplants.

One issue that was briefly addressed in Simseditorial was the problem with living-organ

donation transplantation or also referred to as LDOT. In the medical journal Organ Donation Is

Not Mutilation: The History of an Erroneous Idea, Rev. Anthony Stoeppel and Rev. Pablo

Requena, MD, argued that through history organ donation was seen as a mutilation because there

was no medical reason to take a good organ from a healthy person. This idea was carried out for

many years and few challenged it. Through research and though the succession of kidney

transplants it began to be seen that not every mutilation is wrong (Requena, Steoppel 433).

Sims opinion seemed to favor transplanting for example after a successful transplant of two

twins Sims mentions that, [Now] physicians had high hopes for organ transplantation (Sims).

This problem had been around for a while and trying to decide whether we think LDOT is moral

or not over the years has cost people lives. People who were uneducated about organ donation

were easily confused and did not know whether an organ donation was mutilation or not, and

according to Requena and Steoppel it was seen that way for a time. Organ donation is not a

mutilation, but there are several criteria points that must be met in order for a transplant to be

successful. Organ donors must be healthy and their organs must meet the criteria in order for

doctors to feel comfortable to transplant them into people. This leads into the big question: if

Comment [EM2]: Run-on sentence.

Comment [EM3]: Im not sure this in

particularly belongs in this paragraph.


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donors, and once those specific problems that lie in the

psychological level are found a solution can begin to be

found for this psychological problem.

But while this problem is being investigated and

while people are contemplating on making their choice

lets remember that people are still waiting. This image

taken from Penn Medicine shows the surprising amount of

time patients must wait before they can expect a transplant

(Penn Medicine).

There are several other issues that influence the relatively small number of organ

donations, compared to the number of patients who need one. There is a large argument that is a

clear issue today, and that argument consists of morals. Are patients always in a position to make

the decision of donation on their own? Deciding whether a person is capable of making that

decision on their own is debatable considering what the condition of the patient is. What

becomes even more controversial is leaving an organ donation choice of a person who is

incapable to deciding for themselves, to someone else. The border line that decides whether a

person is capable to decide organ donation for themselves or that it should be left to someone

else is very thin. The current American system of cadaveric organ procurement includes the

default assumption that individuals prefer notto donate their organs for transplantation after their

death (Gill 37). The decision of whether to donate someone elses organs should not be left to

just anybody. The consent of the possible organ donor is clearly important and this quote helps

Comment [EM6]: In MLA format, ima

to be cited this way (in a caption): Sourc

full Works-Cited style entry here+.

Comment [EM7]: As I mentioned for

paragraph on the previous page, it would

clearly state that youre now talking abou

donation decisions.


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explain why so many organs are lost. The people who can contribute them did not choose

whether to donate or not, so the default is that doctors assume they did not want to donate.

Doctors cannot simply hand over a decision like this to anyone, it should have been the patients

choice to donate or not. However if the patient never got the chance to decide for themselves the

automatic decision is that they did not want to donate and therefore the opportunity to save the

lives of many people is lost instantly.

Have we doctors ever thought about other ways to get donations without consent from

someone who cannot tell us if they want to be a donor or not?.The truth is yes. There are a lot of

possibilities that have been discussed, for example DCD. DCD is Donation after Circulatory

Death. What that means is that if someone dies or is declared dead because,their heart stops

functioning or if the patient is brain dead for example, their organs can be taken and used to save

someone elses life (life gift). Deciding to take someone elses organs is a very tough choice, but

even more so is deciding if a patient is dead before that can even be considered. Doing this

however may save many lives because there will be more donors to get organs from. However

in an article published in Pediatrics a medical magazine, two individuals that contribute their

opinions to this journal Miller, and Troug argue for withdrawing this procedure. They explain

that although doctors can save lives, removing the life sustaining treatment is the cause for the

patients deaths and therefore is unmoral because it seems as if they arekilling the patients just

for their organs (Pediatrics). Killing one to save another is what Miller, and Troug point out, but

it is not as blunt as this sentence. These issues are always extensively studied. I think that

doctors are well equipped and knowledgeable to decide whether a patient can continue to live or

not. Therefore the doctor should theoretically make the right choice when deciding to pull the

Comment [EM8]: This gets repetitive

very informative. It would have been hel

into whythis is our default assumption, a

patients arent being presented with this

more directly.


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plug. There will be good that comes out from deciding to take those patients organs for a

possible donation.

We might imagine that after doctors receive some organs that each one of those will go to

saving someones life or will at least help someone. However this is not always the case. Organs

do not have a long shelf life if a donor is not found right away. Organs will die in a very short

time especially if they are not properly handled. According to several experts, including:

Englesbe, Cutler, etc., who are a part of the Department of surgery from various universities,

wrote in an article Improving Organ Procurement Travel Practices, where they say that

organ transportation is a very current problem. They discussed the various forms of

transportation for organs (Cutler, et al). Getting an organ from one point to another is not an easy

task. There are always a lot of concerns that need to be taken into account. It is not an easy job.

In the past two decades, there have been 27 reported deaths among transplant professionals

worldwide as a result of aircraft accidents while traveling to procure organs (Cutler, et al). This

is a horrible way to lose a life. Getting a life-saving transplant transported to someone in dire

need, and then it turns out there was an incident and now the organ is lost and so is the hope for

the individual waiting. I believe transplant is not complete until the patient the organ in them and

is revered from their surgery.

This table shows the issues that havebeen occurred over a little more than two decades

ago. It shows that this problem of transportation for organs in not an old or new problem. It

continues to influence several transplants. Comment [EM9]: Unclearly worded.


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Image: from Improving Organ Procurement Travel Practices in the United States: Proceedings

from the Michigan Donor Travel Forum

Another thing that contributes the low number of transplants is that we have extended

criteria donors or ECD. Marginal or extended criteria donors (ECD) are defined as those with a

greater risk of initial poor function or graft failure and therefore and increased risk for recipient

morbidity or mortality (Gastaca). In simpler terms these donors just are not as healthy as how

doctors consider someone to be a prime candidate, and neither are their organs. But these donors

have valuable organs that many people may use, however the standards that we have for organ

transplantation exceed what doctors feel that these organs can offer and as a result, The US, for

example, between 2001 and 2003, some 1200 ECD kidneys, 500 livers, and 250 hearts were

discarded (Transplantation Proceedings 35). Although some may argue that the reason for not

using these organs are for safety precautions, these are still organs that can be used and that are

capable of helping someone else improve or save their lives. It is understandable that doctors

require donors to be healthy, and that they also have high standards when it comes to choosing

whether or not to transplant an organ. But having a chance to live from an ECD organ is much

better than dying because a person was not given a chance. The outcome will be the same if the

Comment [EM10]: See my previous

about image citations. But also, it would helped to directly comment on these num

seem pretty small! I wonder if there mig

been a more effective chart to show.


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Works Cited

Abouna, George M. Transplantation Proceedings. Organ Shortage Crisis: Problems and

Possible Solutions.Volume 40, issue 1, January-February 2008.

http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.transproceed.2007.11.067.Pages 34-38. Web. April 3, 2014.

George M. Abouna from Drexel University, College of Medicine in Pennsylvania argues

the relevance that organ shortages we have today and also offers possible solutions to

help obtain more donors and minimize the number of those on the waiting list. Abouna

published his text on this topic in a popular magazine hoping to get his information out.

George M. Abouna utilizes statistics over several years, as well as research which he used

to break down the problem in a simpler form that would make it easier to follow. It is

relates to my topic because it shows the true numbers and history of this organ shortage

problem that have been around for a while. Not only that but it also shows a problem that

contributed to the small number of organ donors.

Bagneski, Wojciech. American Journal of Law and Medicine. Hasting Death: Dying Dignity

and the Organ Shortage Gap. December 1, 2009. Issue 35 Pages 562-584.

http://web.a.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=0237dc16-7884-4c78-b025-

da2d3c6e20ee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=9&hid=4209.Web. April 22, 2014

Cenevivas, Nick. "The Shortage of Donor Organs." Nick Cenevivas Technical Writing Blog.

http://sites.psu.edu/nickceneviva202cblog/2013/09/18/the-shortage-of-donor-organs/.

Web. April 22 2014.

Cutleer, J.A, Englesbe. M.J, et al. Improving Organ Procurement Travel Practices in the United

States: Proceedings from the Michigan Donor Travel Forum. The American Journal of
http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.transproceed.2007.11.067http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.transproceed.2007.11.067http://web.a.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=0237dc16-7884-4c78-b025-%09da2d3c6e20ee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=9&hid=4209http://web.a.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=0237dc16-7884-4c78-b025-%09da2d3c6e20ee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=9&hid=4209http://web.a.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=0237dc16-7884-4c78-b025-%09da2d3c6e20ee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=9&hid=4209http://sites.psu.edu/nickceneviva202cblog/2013/09/18/the-shortage-of-donor-organs/http://sites.psu.edu/nickceneviva202cblog/2013/09/18/the-shortage-of-donor-organs/http://sites.psu.edu/nickceneviva202cblog/2013/09/18/the-shortage-of-donor-organs/http://web.a.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=0237dc16-7884-4c78-b025-%09da2d3c6e20ee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=9&hid=4209http://web.a.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=0237dc16-7884-4c78-b025-%09da2d3c6e20ee%40sessionmgr4003&vid=9&hid=4209http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.transproceed.2007.11.067


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Tranplantation. March 1, 2010. Volume 10. Issue 3, Pages 458-463.

http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=eaaa5b8e-6d97-409a-a5b1-

69847cdd5e74%40sessionmgr115&vid=10&hid=122.Web. April 24, 2014.

This source contributes insights on the subject of organ transportation practices, as well

as care of the organs while they are being handled. Several experts and well qualified

individuals who are from the department of surgery from various universities, a few

including: The University of Michigan and The University of Massachusetts. Along with

the research conducted on the transportation methods of varies hospitals this source also

includes a large graph that shows, in a simplified version, the findings for transportation

failures and therefore why they are important. This is relevant to my research because it

adds to the reason why there are people who are not receiving their transplants, and so

this issue is just adding to the shortage of organs.

"Ethical Controversies in Organ Donation After Circulatory Death." Pediatrics.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/131/5/1021.full#ref-19.Web. April 21,

2014.

Gastaca, M. Extended Criteria Donors in Liver Transplantation: Adapting Donor Quality and

Recipient. Transplant Proceedings. Volume 41. Issue 2, April 2009. Pages 975-979.

http://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant

ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D

onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage

=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pid=. Web. April 25 2014.
http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=eaaa5b8e-6d97-409a-a5b1-%0969847cdd5e74%40sessionmgr115&vid=10&hid=122http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=eaaa5b8e-6d97-409a-a5b1-%0969847cdd5e74%40sessionmgr115&vid=10&hid=122http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=eaaa5b8e-6d97-409a-a5b1-%0969847cdd5e74%40sessionmgr115&vid=10&hid=122http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/131/5/1021.full#ref-19http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/131/5/1021.full#ref-19http://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://ucelinks.cdlib.org:8888/sfx_local?genre=article&issn=00411345&title=Transplant%09ation+Proceedings&volume=41&issue=3&date=20090401&atitle=Extended+Criteria+D%09onors+in+Liver+Transplantation%3a+Adapting+Donor+Quality+and+Recipient.&spage%09=975&sid=EBSCO:a9h&pidhttp://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/131/5/1021.full#ref-19http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=eaaa5b8e-6d97-409a-a5b1-%0969847cdd5e74%40sessionmgr115&vid=10&hid=122http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=eaaa5b8e-6d97-409a-a5b1-%0969847cdd5e74%40sessionmgr115&vid=10&hid=122


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Gatascas article was published in a credible medical journal. It is a source that is known

and has been around for a long time. This article discusses the problems that currently

exist with ECD donors. It talks about the much higher risks these donors have for other

patients as donors. It is relevant to my paper, because it falls into place as a social

problem. The people that are donating organs are older people who, according to the

standards of doctors, do not meet the criteria to be good donors. They want to help and

are part of a small number of people who are willing to donate, but not allowing the

chance to be taken with the organs from these donors keeps the number of people on the

waiting list for a transplant the same.

Gill, Michael B. Journal of Medicine and Philosophy. Presumed Consent, Autonomy, and

Organ Donation. 2004 Vol. 29, No. 1. Page 37-59.

http://jmp.oxfordjournals.org/content/29/1/37.full.pdf.Web. April 16, 2014

Health System Joins HAPs Donate Life Hospital Campaign. Penn Medicine. August 6,

2013.http://www.cchosp.com/cchpage.asp?p=2029.Web. April 21, 2014

Nijkamp, Marjan D, et al. Health Psychology Review. To be(come) or not to be(come) and

organ donor, thats the question: a meta-analysis of determinant and intervention studies.

Vol. 2, No 1. 1, March 2008, 20-40.

http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-

9e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123.Web. April 16, 2014

Organ Donor Crises WPTZ NewsChannel 5. Nov 13, 2013.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZRy3LoNPns.Video. April 19, 2014.
http://jmp.oxfordjournals.org/content/29/1/37.full.pdfhttp://jmp.oxfordjournals.org/content/29/1/37.full.pdfhttp://www.cchosp.com/cchpage.asp?p=2029http://www.cchosp.com/cchpage.asp?p=2029http://www.cchosp.com/cchpage.asp?p=2029http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-%099e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-%099e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-%099e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-%099e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZRy3LoNPnshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZRy3LoNPnshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZRy3LoNPnshttp://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-%099e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=77f0ea86-babb-43d6-be64-%099e94577e9af3%40sessionmgr111&vid=5&hid=123http://www.cchosp.com/cchpage.asp?p=2029http://jmp.oxfordjournals.org/content/29/1/37.full.pdf


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This source is a video from YouTube. Even though this video is from YouTube, it was

uploaded by a local news station, WPTZ Newschannel 5. In the video a mother and her

young boy are shown in a hospital. The boy is in need of a lung transplant. He is lucky,

after a long period of wait, to receive a transplant. The transplant fails after a few years

and he goes back on the waiting list. This short video is a good example of what it is like

to be in need of a transplant. It shows the options that are available and also the realities

that cannot be changed. Because of the shortage of donors the boy did not make it the

second time he needed a transplant. It is very relevant to this paper because is also just

happened last year. This organ shortage problem is very current and is not slowing down.

Requena, Pablo, and Stoeppel, Anthony. Organ Donation Is Not Mutilation. The History of an

Erroneous Idea. September 1, 2013.

http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=e39f03bb-7b75-4dad-a2e6-

8337444eae87%40sessionmgr198&vid=7&hid=125.Web. Pages 427-436 March 2,

2014.

Rev. Anthony Stoeppel, and Rev. Pablo Requena, Md, explains the view of Living-organ

donor transplantation and its history going from unacceptable mutilation, to a life-saving

process. They present their argument in a medical journal format from which this

particular article was taken from and use a formal tone. They use extensive research that

was conducted by various experts as well as their own research and observations that

extended over dozens of years before they come to their conclusion. They want to inform

an academic audience of the problems with organ donations that once existed in the past.

Although it seemed like this issue was resolved there was not an extreme increase in the
http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=e39f03bb-7b75-4dad-a2e6-%098337444eae87%40sessionmgr198&vid=7&hid=125http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=e39f03bb-7b75-4dad-a2e6-%098337444eae87%40sessionmgr198&vid=7&hid=125http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=e39f03bb-7b75-4dad-a2e6-%098337444eae87%40sessionmgr198&vid=7&hid=125http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=e39f03bb-7b75-4dad-a2e6-%098337444eae87%40sessionmgr198&vid=7&hid=125http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=e39f03bb-7b75-4dad-a2e6-%098337444eae87%40sessionmgr198&vid=7&hid=125


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number of donors of organs. This meant that there are other things apart from this

problem that also contributed and continue to contribute to the shortage problem.

Saving More lives: Organ Donation After Cardiac Death. Life Gift.

http://www.lifegift.org/resources/files/DonationAfterCardiacDeathBrochure.pdf.Pdf.

April 21, 2014

Sims, Sterling. Penn Bioethics Journal. A Brief History of Organ Tranplantation. October 1,

2010. Volume IV, Issue ii.

http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=85b91674-77ce-4fbc-bb34-

e949637987c9%40sessionmgr112&vid=2&hid=103.Web. April 23, 2014.

"Transplant Rejection: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia." U.S National Library of Medicine.

U.S. National Library of Medicine, Web. 12 Apr. 2014.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000815.htm.

Uniting People and Information to Help save Lives." OPTN: Organ Procurement and

Transplantation Network. http://optn.transplant.hrsa.gov/. Web. 13 Apr. 2014

Mateo,

Youve done a good job of sorting out the confusion of the previous draft into a much clearer sequence

of separate issues in this one! I note in my margin comments, though, that some of these cases might

have been a little more clearly labeled from the beginningtry to be more aware of writing clear,

focused topic sentences in Comp 2. You cover the DCD controversy clearly and well, but the controversy

you cover in the previous paragraph about morality is much more vagueit would have helped to

provide some specific info (from sources) about what peoples moral objections are and why they have

them. You should also try to do more with multi-modal elements in Comp 2. Any infographic you

provide should have clear commentary and interpretation linking it to your argument! Solid work

overall.

Best,
http://www.lifegift.org/resources/files/DonationAfterCardiacDeathBrochure.pdfhttp://www.lifegift.org/resources/files/DonationAfterCardiacDeathBrochure.pdfhttp://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=85b91674-77ce-4fbc-bb34-%09e949637987c9%40sessionmgr112&vid=2&hid=103http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=85b91674-77ce-4fbc-bb34-%09e949637987c9%40sessionmgr112&vid=2&hid=103http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=85b91674-77ce-4fbc-bb34-%09e949637987c9%40sessionmgr112&vid=2&hid=103http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000815.htmhttp://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000815.htmhttp://optn.transplant.hrsa.gov/http://optn.transplant.hrsa.gov/http://optn.transplant.hrsa.gov/http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000815.htmhttp://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=85b91674-77ce-4fbc-bb34-%09e949637987c9%40sessionmgr112&vid=2&hid=103http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=85b91674-77ce-4fbc-bb34-%09e949637987c9%40sessionmgr112&vid=2&hid=103http://www.lifegift.org/resources/files/DonationAfterCardiacDeathBrochure.pdf


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Cuevas 15

Erin

Grade: B+

Rubric: Composition I

Traits

Evaluative Criteria

Excellent Very

Good

Good Average Below

Average

Rhetoric &

Communication

Thesis or Problem

Statement:

The composition clearly presents and an alyzes a significant political/social/cultural problem and frames

it with a clear motive or warrant. It establishes, explains, and argues its topic, its motives, and its

positions with levels of sophistication and clarity appropriate to the level of its course and this

particular assignment.

X

Historical

Dimensions:

Historical aspects deepen the relevance of the problem and enhance the arguments. The historical

presentation is woven seamlessly into the flow of the narrative.X

Argumentation

(Written):

Explores, summarizes, and evaluates various debates, perspectives, and arguments, and p rovides

critical, scholarly definitions of terms and concepts central to this discourse. For the level of this course

and for this particular assignment, the arguments are sophisticated, creative, persuasive, insightful, and

deeply embedded in scholarly discourse.

X

Argumentation

(Multi-modal):

Uses various types of evidence and/or genres to create multi-modal elements that strengthen and

deepen explanations, summaries, and arguments.X

Arrangement of The presentation of evidence is arranged coherently and demonstrates a well documented analyticalsynthesis.

X


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Cuevas 16

Evidence:

Evidence &

Information

Literacy

Research (both

traditional and new

media)

The sources demonstrate a sense for locating, selecting, and organizing sources. The bod y of sources

supporting the composition is well developed and varied in source type.

X

Credibility &

Timeliness

The selected sources are both credible and timely and offer clear support to all of the compositions

argumentative moves.

X

Source Use and

Integration

The composition uses sources appropriately in distinct and different capacities: primary/secondary,

exhibit/argument/background. The author integrates the sources seamlessly into t he composition.X

Documentation All uses of evidence are documented and formatted appropriately, and the autho r recognizes instanceswhen citations are needed.

X

Annotations &

Evaluations

The annotations and source evaluations are well developed and help to demonstrate the authors

control over all of the sources used.X

Style,

Mechanics, &

Conventions

Clarity, SentenceStructure, &

Readability

The writing is clear, eloquent, characterized by precise word choices, purposeful sentences with variedstructure, and a high degree of readability for the level of its course and this particular assignment.

X


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Cuevas 17

Narrative

Development

The narrative is deliberately paced, and demonstrates a very high degree of skill and control when

moving from idea to idea, paragraph to paragraph, and sentence to sentence.

X

Grammar, Usage,

Punctuation, &

Spelling

The prose is mechanically correct and free of errors in punctuation, grammar, spelling, and usage.

X

39C Essay 1 Final Draft Graded

Documents

Transcript of 39C Essay 1 Final Draft Graded