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Poppel: American Hero

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commonly referred to as the Reds. And, be-cause of this, fire engines were destined to be painted red because they are always rushin’.

Hard as it may seem, this is the story that the scholars of our great nation refuse to share with the public. A simple tale of curiosity and closed door politics that determined the fate of the bulk of America’s fire engines. James van der Poppel grew up to become a fire chief, but his tenure was short-lived. Upon his request to transfer to a new firehouse, he discovered the fire engines he would be in charge of were yellow and he promptly died of an aneurysm. Although, his contribution to American lore lives on to this very day.

-- Samuel Clemens

Tough issues like the genesis of the world, the purpose humans serve in the world, and the invention of the doughnut have long plagued our soci-ety. Clearly, all these topics are cause for heated debate among scholars and policemen alike, but why are other issues of equal importance cast aside like hookers in the street? Should our brilliant minds not also debate the current foreign policies, educational reform, universal significance, and fire engines?

Fire engines have long been on the debate platform in very tight-knit, upper-echelon scholarly circles. They would have us believe that a fire engine is red simply because the bright color is easily recognized and seen as a sign of danger, yet this was not how the fire engine came to be red. Oh no, there is another story that these so-called schol-ars choose to ignore and keep private for if the American public knew the truth, the whole house of cards would fall.

The true reason fire engines are red dates back to the late 1960’s when a young boy named James van der Poppel inquired of his father, Johannes, why the fire engine was, indeed, red. James’ father had been on the committee that

fathered the committee designed to delegate the task of assigning a commit-tee to decide upon fire engine hues and thus, had the answer he son sought. Young James sat eagerly as his father began to relay the findings of the final committee.

As the story goes, Johannes told his son that fire engines are red is because newspapers are read, too. Two plus two equals four and four times three is equal to twelve. Johannes elabo-rated by assuring James that there were twelve inches in a ruler and that by that same token, Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, yet also an ocean liner. Ocean liners, he told his youngster, were often found floating on the sea.

By this time, James began piec-ing things together and exclaimed that fish live in the sea. Johannes concurred and continued by saying that many of those same fish that live in the sea have fins. A brief history lesson from papa further enlightened James that Finn was a slang term for a person who resided in Finland. Upon further discussion, James discovered that the Finns were an aggressive sect who like to start wars, especially with the Russians. Now, at this time in history, the Russians, be-cause of their political ideals, were

Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week 2

Movie Review 2

Quote of the Week 3

Weather 3

Street Interviews 3

Comics 4

Classifieds 4

Picture of the Week Enjoy our Nuts

October 20, 2006 Feast of No Excuse for a Feast Day

Volume 1, Issue 2

Big Fire Truck (dramatization)

Saturday: National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day (can you find it?)

Sunday: National Nut Day (everything’s better with nuts)

Monday: Price is Right Day (have your pets spayed or neutered)

Tuesday: National Bologna Day (my bologna has a first name...)

Wednesday: Punk for a Day, Day

Thursday: Horseless Carriage Day (use a ram)

Strange Observances (holidays etc…)

RAM OF THE WEEK

Josh Wascom Who is Josh Wascom? Many of you

may know Josh, either casually or on a more personal level, but there is more to him than many think. This attractive Adonis, a man among men, is a firm and devout Christian as well as one of the more fierce competitors on the rugby pitch. Wascom is currently in the running for homecoming king and always willing to

lend a helping hand. In his free time, he enjoys starting

nerf wars, playing crossfire, and tackling all manner of people unexpectedly, as well as dabbling in guitar riffs and singing his big heart out. It is believed that he is currently single, so ladies, be advised. Josh Wascom, this weeks Ram of the Week is brought to you by the number 1 and the letter J.

Volume 1, Issue 2

THE WEEKLY JOURNAL by: George Ferguson

Well, here it is. The Weekly Journal re-turns. Some of you out there know about it, others don’t so this will be your first treat. It feels good to be back as I have experienced writers block. You know the thing that trips you when you are trying to go down the stairs. I need more laundry detergent…FYI. Well let me tell you about my week. It was a normal week. There ya go. Just kidding lol haha jk. But I woke up Monday at 8 o’clock to get to class at 9 I have the physiology anti-bacteria phenomenon. That class went as planned with only 4 people getting bacterialized by an unknown bacterium they “accidentally” made in lab. They have been quarantined (for all of you who are wondering, it might not have happened. There is the slight possibility that it might have one time, but I’m pretty sure it may have hap-pened). My roommate, the past ROTW (ram of the week) just walked in. I am overjoyed. And I think Bush is a good president. The clown on the roof creeps me out. So after that class, I came back to my room to engage in a little musical engage-ment. For copywrite purposes a will lie and say it was Super Guitar on TV. At the time the weather was a little dreary. I do believe it rained. But at noon I went to philosophy of metamorphical ant loins. This is my favorite class. I like it a lot. I never miss it. It went well I liked the part when the giant ant loin escaped. It has yet to be found. Just give it a gummy bear and a pop tart and it will leave you alone or it will go to burger king. But if it indeed does attack (which they have been know to do), its tibial antennae are its week point. After that class, I decided I would get some grub from the local joint. So I got some stuff. I can’t remem-ber what but it did sustain me to the next meal. Since I didn’t have any classes for the rest of the day, I read a little bit of a book we are reading for Boring Old World Books That No One Can Understand except the Ambiguously Smart People. Since I’m not an ambiguously smart person, I did the next best thing….consulted the online website for the inept reading student. You know what I’m talking about. I am glad somebody realized that some koleg kids cudnt reed swell (sic). I managed to get halfway through the “book” that was greatly abbreviated. Today I must indulge into the same website in order to have a clue of what the prof is talking about tomorrow, being as today is Tuesday. Then at 6 I got to overproduce some massively phat beats at the B. I recently painted my phat beat producer (real name: drums). And they look swank may I tell you. Then I got to hear and learn even more about our Great Creator. We are currently studying Galatians. For a general overview, the book is about us not being good enough to enter heaven. The general message here: Without faith in the one who gave His life for you (just for you and you alone), there is no possible way to enter into heaven. This may sound blunt, but without accepting the sacrifice He paid for you, hell is the only other choice there is. Let me give you a mental picture of the sacrifice. God sent His only son to earth to be born as a man. Purely physio-logically human. He did this so one cannot say that He doesn’t know what you are going through

right now. He knows what it feels like to lose an extremely close friend, to lose all you have, to hurt until you can hurt no more. To be cast out of society, to be abandoned by humanity. At the end of His life he was beaten with a poles, flogged with a cat of nine tails (a whip with sharp bones and nails), have a crown of thorns pushed by brute force into His brow. Not just set on His head, but bashed on until it was part of His skull. And not only was He whipped the number of times allotted by law, he was beaten until his ribs were exposed. Until there was no more skin on either his back or stomach. By the time it came to be hanged on a cross, he could no longer be recognized. Just imagine how badly that must have hurt. As He was forced to carry his own cross, He was thinking of you. Imagine a 200 pound piece of wood grinding against the raw flesh. When he reached the top of Mount Golgotha (meaning: place of the skull), He was put on His cross had spikes driven into His wrists and ankles, between the bones in His hands and ankles. Some say it took Him 3 hours to die. Hanging on the cross in the intense heat, all fluids from His body leaking from Him. After a while of hanging on the cross a soldier went through His chest with a spear and was sprayed with blood and water. Some say His heart exploded. And why did His heart explode? It was because the sins of the world were cast on Him. God directed His entire wrath toward His own Son because He loved you that much. You see, God is Holy. Sin is the opposite of Holiness. Since God is Holy, He cannot have any part of sin. We are full of sin, thus not allowing us to be in His presence. Like oil and water. Ex: you are at basketball practice and the coach yells at you for goofing up. You talk back to the coach, and being the strict coach he is, he orders you to run until you vomit for talking back. But there is this one teammate who offers to run in your place. All the coaches’ anger is di-rected to your teammate instead of you. The coach is so angry he runs your teammate until he dies. In essence, you could say that teammate gave his life for you. I don’t know about you, but I believe I would be thankful to the teammate for taking my place. This is what He did for you. The Man I am talking about is Jesus and he was beaten and crucified in your place. Instead of you going to hell, he gives you the choice to accept His sacrifice on the cross, and therefore enter Heaven’s gates. And if you think you are not good enough to accept His sacrifice, who is? Is there a perfect person in the world? Has there ever been? Nope. He wants you as you are. Just like you are right now. Sitting down, standing, walking, it doesn’t matter. If your world were to end right now at this second, would you want to spend eternity in paradise, or in hell? All you have to do is accept Jesus’ sacrifice. That’s it…..and you’re in. Just say “Jesus I thank you for your sacrifice and I admit I am not perfect. But please forgive me for not being perfect. I accept your sacrifice.” That’s it. That’s all there is to it. I hope this has opened your eyes to new things. Need proof that there is a God? I will comment on this in the next issue. Any questions? Please email us at [email protected].

Will Josh be

Homecoming King?

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Awkwardness...

When the car hop at Sonic asks if there is anything else she

can do for you, then she stands there and waits for your

phone number.

This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person

f e e l a w k w a r d …

Submit your thoughts @ [email protected]

Man of the Year, with star Robin Williams, was slated to be a box office front runner. One of the first movies of its’ kind to address the thoughts that countless Americans have had -- a comedian, most notably Jon Stewart, should run for President. Yet, when you actually sit down to enjoy the film, you find that if you watched any amount of television and saw the preview for the it, you had already seen the whole of the comedic statements assumed to be present throughout.

The film is the brain-child of Barry Levinson, a moderately well-known director (at least in small circles of one), and barely has a coherent thought within its’ painful two hour run time. The opening of the film works well, as it is humorous, and the voiceover by Christopher Walken speeds the flow for a while. But after bleeding the comedy out of the film in the first twenty minutes, it falls comatose on the viewing room floor. A few one liners here and there add to the film, but not enough for a memorable quote to arise. Pacing of the movie is incredibly slow and makes a race between two sloth seem like a NASCAR race. Thankfully, the comedy kicks back in near the end of the film, albeit briefly, just before Williams’ character comes to a stark personal realization.

There is the idiotic love plot between

Williams’ character and Laura Linney. Somehow, Linney, who works for a computer voting firm, discovers that the system used for

the election has a glitch by typing a couple numbers into her program. This leads her to stalk the newly elected President to inform him that he didn’t really win the election and she ends up falling in love with him. No where, in any part of the normal, capable human brain does this even make a lick of sense. A “normal” person could not simply waltz up to a President-elect and strike up a conversation; it just does not happen. It's hard to know where to start hating this movie in a way that will communicate

how much it deserves to be hated. It's a corporate comedy product that wishes it had some teeth so it could bite into something. But it's so determined not to be "partisan" and offend anyone that it has no point of view at all, no idea what it's even supposed to be, besides a sort of weird, weakling call for Ethical Behavior in Politics. Therefore, this film, much like last week’s, gets a huge stinking F for its existence. I recommend watching a different Robin Williams film if you are that desperate for something of his that does not suck.

-- Towndrow P Snood

Man of the Year Not the Movie of the Year

WEATHER:

This Week’s Happenings

BSM Activities

Monday: Ignite @ 7:30 PM

Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM

Friday: Logos Lunch, $1 Lunch, @ 12:00 PM

Volume 1, Issue 2 Ramdiculous Page

Maegan Gatlin

Claim: 50

Actual: 5

Upcoming Events

Homecoming Parade Saturday, October 21 @ 11 am

Concert Pianist Andrea Anderson

Tuesday, October 24 @ 7:30 pm

Club Café Wednesday, October 25 @ 7:30 pm

Quote of the Week

If all raindrops were lemon-drops and

gumdrops, would we poop tootsie rolls?

Consumables of the Week

Drink: Limeade

Snack: Cashews

Make sure you have at

least one this week

Primetime TV

Show Time Channel Day

Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy 7:00 PM 10 Friday 10/20

UT at Nebraska 11:00 AM 2 ABC Saturday 10/21

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition 7:00 PM 2 ABC Sunday 10/22

The Amazing Race 10 7:00 PM 5 CBS Sunday 10/22

7th Heaven 7:00 PM 14 CW Sunday 10/22

How I Met Your Mother 7:00 PM 5 CBS Monday 10/23

What About Brian 9:00 PM 2 ABC Monday 10/23

Lost 8:00 PM 2 ABC Wednesday 10/25

One Tree Hill 8:00 PM 14 CW Wednesday 10/25

Survivor 7:00 PM 5 CBS Thursday 10/26

Shark 9:00 PM 5 CBS Thursday 10/26

Ralf

Claim: 67

Actual: 67

Brian Wingert

Claim: 13

Actual: 15

Athens, Greece

How many marshmallows can

you fit in your mouth?

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Classifieds

ANGELO STATE'S FINEST

PAPER SINCE FALL 2006

e-mail: [email protected]

Ramdiculous Staff

Wouldn’t You Like To Know

To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

W E’ R E O N M YS P A C E

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Flags of our fathers

(12:00), (3:15), 7:00, 10:15

The Prestige

(1:05), (4:10), 7:10, 10:20

Gridiron Gang

(12:35), 6:55

Jackass: Number two

(3:55), 9:35

Open Season

(12:15), (2:30), (5:15), 7:30, 9:20

The Departed

(12:55), (4:05), 7:05, 10:05

The Grudge 2

(12:40), (1:20), (3:50), (4:30),

6:50, 7:35, 9:25, 10:30

Movies That We Want To See

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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to appear in the Ramdicu-

lous Page (FOR FREE)

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[email protected], the winner

will be featured in next weeks paper.

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