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NONVERBALCOMMUNICATION

77CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication

Watch out for the man whose stomach doesn’t move when he laughs.—Chinese proverb

Learning Objectives

After completing this chapter, you will be able to do the following.

• Distinguish between verbal and nonverbal communication.

• Use body language to reinforce your verbal message.

• Recognize when someone is not telling the truth.

• Explain how the same gesture can have different meanings in different cultures.

Speech Vocabulary

In this chapter, you will learn the mean-ings of the speech terms listed below.

nonverbal messagebody languageeye contacttone of voicegesture

personal spaceintimate distancepersonal distancesocial distancepublic distance

Chapter Outline

Following are the main sections in this chapter.

1 Body Basics

2 Interpreting Nonverbal Messages

3 Multicultural Messages

Academic Vocabulary

Expanding your academic vocabulary will help you become a more effective commu-

nicator. Listed below are some words appearing in this chapter that you should make part of your vocabulary.

sympatheticdiversedistalproximaltimbre

suppressanthropologistcomparativeintimacystoic

78 UNIT 2 Person to Person

We speak only with our mouths, but we communicate with our whole bodies. In fact, experts say that more than half of all communication is nonverbal. To truly under-stand other people, then, you must learn how to read their body language as well as interpret their words. You must learn what their facial expressions, hand gestures, and other signals mean. Even people’s body temperature can be signifi cant, as it reveals itself in the color of their faces or the moisture on their palms.

In this chapter, you will learn how to interpret body language, how body language varies from culture to culture, and how to use body language to make your own com-munication more effective and convincing.

IntroductionYou can communicate even

when you don’t say a word. In 1990 a photographer for NationalGeographic magazine lined up the members of the U.S. Supreme Court for their official photo-graph. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor found herself stand-ing directly behind Justice Byron White. According to news reports, O’Connor quietly formed a V with her fingers and held them just above White’s head, making the old “rabbit ears” sign.

O’Connor was sending a non-verbal message to everyone who saw the photograph—a message that said, “We don’t take our-selves quite as seriously as it looks.” Nonverbal messages play an enormous and often unappre-ciated role in all of our communi-cation.

“You see,” says the detective Sherlock Holmes to his somewhat dim-witted assistant Dr. Watson, “but you do not observe.” What Holmes means is that the best way to understand people is to watch them—to notice what they do as well as what they say.

Albert Mehrabian, a professor of psychology at UCLA, claims that talking is the least important way we communicate. What counts most, he says, are our nonverbal messages. These messages include the way we sit or stand, how we tilt our heads, our facial expressions, our gestures, and our tone of voice.

Nonverbal messages often say as much or more than spoken words.


1 Body Basics

Understanding nonverbal communication is vital in many ways. It helps us understand, for example, how others react to us and to

our ideas. If someone you are speaking to crosses his arms or legs, you may suspect that he feels th reat-ened by what you are saying or disagrees with you. If your listener opens his hands toward you, you may expect agreement or at least a sympathetic ear.

People from different cultures may attach differ-ent meanings to the same gestures. For example, consider the “hook ’em, horns” sign, made famous by fans of the University of Texas football team. To make the sign, hold up your index and pinky fin-gers. In Texas this signifies support for the team, but beware: in Italy, this sign is an insult. In Brazil, it means good luck; and among Hindus, it means a cow. Being sensitive to the way different people interpret nonverbal messages can help you com-municate more effectively wherever you are.

Knowing something about nonverbal communi-cation can also be helpful when you send messages. Your physical actions can either reinforce or con-tradict what you say. If you feel nervous about speaking to a group, for instance, you may avoid looking at your listeners, lean on the podium, or drop your voice to a low mumble.

With a little practice, however, you can master a different set of nonverbal habits—mannerisms that will convey confidence and authority. Eventually, by learning to look confident, you begin to feel confident.

Body LanguageAlso called the “silent language,” body language

is the way we use our bodies to send messages. A speaker for Toastmasters International once found an effective way to demonstrate to an audience how body language works. He asked his listeners to place their thumbs and forefingers together (as in the OK sign) and then told them to place their

hands on their chins. But while he was saying this, he did something different—he placed his own thumb and forefinger on his cheek.

Typically, 90 percent of his listeners followed his actions, not his words. Despite his instructions, they put their hands on their cheeks just as he did. “In business,” notes Susan Bixler, president of Professional Image, “body language always wins out over verbal communication.”

Why is body language important? First, because people usually remember more of what they see than what they hear, and second, because we have learned that it helps us recognize the truth. When a person’s words and body language are consistent, we tend to believe that person. When their words and body language say different things, we tend to believe the body language and doubt the words.

Often, complicated feelings spill out in the form of body language. If a speaker is having difficulty control-ling her anger, for example, she might raise her voice or turn away. “No mortal can keep a secret,” noted Sigmund Freud. “If his lips are silent, he chatters with

Body language indicates that these people are friends.


his fingertips.” Even though people can control their words, and sometimes their facial expressions, there is often a “leakage” of feelings—perhaps in a gesture, a shift of position, or a tone of voice. Any one of these nonverbal signals may help you to interpret the mes-sages you receive.

Body language is also remarkably diverse. Mario Pei, a communications expert, once estimated that humans produce up to 700,000 different physical signs. The face alone is capable of 250,000 differ-ent expressions. Other researchers have identified some 5,000 separate hand gestures and 1,000 kinds of postures. Clearly, we send messages by a dizzy-ing array of nonverbal means. These messages are fun to watch and challenging to interpret. And unlike verbal communication, which is intermit-tent, body language is constant.

Learning to Read Body Language Recognizing body language is an inexact art, so you must be careful about how you interpret it. A cer-tain movement or facial expression may be quite meaningful, or it may mean nothing at all. As a starting point, the lists below provide common body language terms and their generally accepted meanings.

Positive Body Language Certain physical cues can be quite reliable as indicators of positive feelings. Here are some things you can do, for example, to signal interest in another person during a conversation:

• Relaxed posture. Sit comfortably and breathe in a relaxed manner. Avoid abrupt movements.

• Arms relaxed. Uncross your arms and hold your hands palms up as a sign of openness.

• Good eye contact. Look the other person in the eye, particularly when she or he is speaking. Look away occasionally to avoid staring.

• Nodding agreement. When you nod your head at something the other person has said, you indicate that you agree or understand. But don’t overdo it. Continuous head bobbing usually means that the listener has tuned out.

• Smiling at humor. This signals a warm personal relationship.

• Leaning closer. Reducing the distance between you and a partner, particularly when the other person is speaking, indicates interest is up and barriers are down.

• Using gestures. Talking with your hands indi-cates involvement in the conversation and openness to the other person.

For all of these positive behaviors, moderation is the key. When these movements are exaggerated, they can become more negative than positive.

Negative Body Language Most positive gestures are distal; that is, they are directed toward others. Most negative gestures, on the other hand, are proximal; they are directed toward your own body. Negative body language is somewhat less reliable as a method for reading another person’s mood,

Walk the Walk

One of the most interesting body movements is the walk. Some have called the way we walk a “second signature,” because each person’s walk is distinct. The way we walk results partly from

body structure, of course, but pace and length of stride seem to change with our emotions. If you are happy, you may move more quickly and seem lighter on your feet. If you’re unhappy, your shoulders may droop, and you may walk as though your shoes were made of lead.

Studies show that people tend to like men and women who have a bounce to their walk, swing their arms, and take long, strong strides. In fact, some psychologists say a long stride is such a positive body movement that you can improve your disposition—and make yourself happier—just by taking longer steps.


PEANUTS reprinted by permission of United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

because actions that are generally considered nega-tive may just be a sign of nervousness. Still, be on the lookout for these behaviors:

• Body tension. A wrinkled brow, jerky body motions, or hands clasped in front can all indicate discom-fort with the topic or the other person.

• Arms folded. This creates a barrier and can indi-cate resistance to what is being said.

• Speaking hand to mouth. Putting your hands near your mouth, scratching your cheek or eye-brow—these are things that say, “Don’t listen to me, I’m not sure of what I am saying.”

• Fidgeting. If you move around a lot, play with things, or drum with your fingers, you send sig-nals of boredom, nervousness, or impatience.

• Yawning. This often happens if the other person is talking too much or in too much technical detail.

Using Body Language Effectively We nor-mally think of body language as a reflection of what a person is feeling, and it is. But it is also true that if you change your body language, your feelings will begin to change as well. That’s why, when you feel yourself dragging in the middle of the afternoon, a quick walk around the block can rejuvenate you. You also tend to feel better when you put on fresh clothes, or if you just smile.

This principle has two practical applications: (1) You can make yourself look and feel better by using more positive body language. The famous football coach Vince Lombardi used to tell his players before an away game, “You’ve got to look good getting off the bus.” In other words, if you look and act like a winner, you are more likely to be one. (2) Body language is contagious. If person X uses neutral body language, and person Y uses positive body lan-guage, person X will gradually begin to mirror Y’s behavior. Thus, your positive body language can gradually affect the behavior of those around you.


Recalling the FactsTry this quick quiz to see how well you can interpret nonverbal messages. Match the action in the left column with the message in the right column:1. What is the difference between active and

passive listening?2. Name and briefly identify four listening

styles.

Action1. Slapping your

forehead with the heel of your hand

2. Wrinkling your forehead and frowning

3. Tapping your fin-gers on a desk or table

4. Slamming a book down on a desk or table

5. Wrinkling your nose

Messagea. “I’m angry.”b. “I forgot

something.”c. “I’m getting

impatient.”d. “I don’t

understand.”e. “I don’t like

that.”

Thinking Critically1. Why do actions speak louder than

words?2. To learn more about body language, try a

mirroring exercise. Find a partner and

stand facing each other. One of you now becomes the mirror image for the other by trying to copy your partner’s body movements. Try holding a conversation. After a while reverse roles and repeat the activity. What are each person’s character-istic gestures?

Taking Charge1. To observe body language in action, try

an experiment the next time you ride a crowded elevator. When you board the elevator, don’t turn around and face the door. Instead, stand facing the other peo-ple in the elevator. If you want to create even more tension, grin and stare at every-one. Very likely, the other passengers will glare back, and they may appear to be sur-prised or upset. The reason? You have broken the (unspoken) rules.

Discuss with your classmates what you discover. Brainstorm other situations in which breaking the nonverbal rules might affect others.

2. Pair off with a partner and try to commu-nicate the following feelings nonverbally: frustration, tension, joy, anger, hate, and happiness. Think of a few other feelings, and attempt to see whether your partner can guess what emotion you are trying to communicate.

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Interpreting Nonverbal Messages

Learning to read body language is complicated by the fact that people often express different and even contradictory messages in their ver-

bal and nonverbal behaviors. Are you nodding your head yes while you’re saying no?

A common example of this double message is the experience of hearing someone with a red face and bulging veins yell, “Angry? No, I’m not angry!”Like this person, you may sometimes try to put on a false front. You try to keep a straight face, for example, when laughing might hurt someone’s feelings, or you try to act calm when you don’t want someone to worry about you.

We all try to “massage our message” from time to time. In other words, we attempt to use our bod-ies to disguise our real feelings. For example, we may pretend not to be hurt even though our hearts are breaking.

We have learned how to “behave” ourselves, how to hide our true feelings. We choose roles and act our parts. But rarely do we turn in a perfect perfor-mance. Thus, who we really are and what we really mean often slip out in our behavior—in what we say, the way we say it, and the way our bodies act.

Here are some tips for reading the true meaning of nonverbal communication:

• Don’t just look, but observe.• Consider the person’s normal physical and

verbal behavior patterns, and be alert for vari-ations from those norms.

• Remember that one signal alone may mean nothing; what you’re looking for are clusters of signals.

Facial ExpressionsBecause of their visibility, we pay a great deal of

attention to other people’s faces. Babies, for exam-ple, take special interest in the huge faces they see peering over their cribs. Although the face is capa-ble of making hundreds of distinct movements and communicating many emotional states, six emo-tions seem to cause most expressions: surprise, fear, anger, disgust, happiness, and sadness. Blends of these primary emotions account for nearly all of our facial expressions.

No single area of the face best reveals emotions, but for any given emotion, certain features may be more important. For example, the nose-cheek-mouth area is most important for showing disgust. For fear, the eyes and eyelids are most important. Sadness can be detected or expressed best in the

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CALVIN AND HOBBES © Watterson. Reprinted with permission of UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. All rights reserved.


brows and forehead, while happiness can be found in the cheeks and mouth.

If you watch a person’s face in slow motion (on film or video), you discover that people change expressions rapidly. Some expressions last onlya few hundredths of a second; in fact, they are so fleeting that they are rarely noticed in everyday conversation.

Some of these fleeting expressions reveal a per-son’s true feelings, but they are quickly replaced by deliberate expressions the person feels are more socially appropriate. You can disguise your face more easily than almost any other part of your body. That means that despite our natural tendency to search faces for meaning, they are not necessarily the best place to look.

Tone of Voice

By contrast, tone of voice offers a valuable clue to a speaker’s feelings. The pitch and timbre (dis-tinctive tone) of a person’s voice and the pauses and rhythm of a voice can express things above and beyond the words themselves. The psychotherapist Rollo May once asked himself, “What does the voice say when I stop listening to the words?”

The simple word oh, for example, says very little as you see it printed here. But in spoken form, oh can have many different meanings. According to the way it is spoken, oh can mean any of the following:

• “You surprised me.”• “I made a mistake.”• “You’re a pain in the neck.”• “You make me so happy.”• “I’m bored.”• “I’m fascinated.”• “I understand.”• “I don’t understand.”

The rate of speech also tells us something about the speaker’s feelings. People tend to talk fast when they are excited or anxious. They also tend to talk fast when they are trying to persuade us or sell us something. On the other hand, people tend to talk more slowly when they are depressed, disgusted, or simply tired.

John Hull learned to be especially sensitive to tone of voice when he became visually impaired at age 48. “With the people I know very well,” he said, “I find that all of the emotion that would normally be expressed in the face is there in the voice: the tiredness, the anxiety, the excitement. My impres-sions based on the voice seem to be just as accurate as those of sighted people. The capacity of the voice to reveal the self is truly amazing. These are the things that matter to me now.”

How to Tell When Someone Is LyingAccording to Desmond Morris, author of The

Naked Ape, we control some parts of our bodies better than others. The easiest parts to control are those whose actions we are most aware of. Smiles and frowns are easy to control. So facial expres-sions are a poor test of someone’s sincerity.

General body postures, on the other hand, can be very revealing, because we are not fully conscious of

How to Tell If Someone Is Lying

EARLOBE PULL

MOUTH COVERLIP PRESS

CHIN STROKE

ncreased face touching can indicate that someone is not telling the truth.

Watch for behaviors like the following:


them; we don’t usually know, for example, whether we are slumping or standing tall. Legs and feet are the parts of the body we are usually least aware of.

Then what can we do to discover a person’s true thoughts? Are there specific body messages we can look for? Morris conducted a series of experiments to provide some answers. He asked a group of nurses to lie about a movie they had seen. He then assembled a set of behaviors that seem to persist during moments of deception:

• Decreased hand activity. The hand gestures the nurses would normally use were reduced. The reason may be that hand actions, which illustrate what we say, are not entirely under our conscious control. Unconsciously, when you are not being truthful, you may sense that your hands will give you away, so you suppressthem. You hide them, sit on them, stuff them into pockets, or clasp them together.

• Increased face touching. We all touch our faces from time to time when we speak, but the frequency of this simple action rises dur-ing moments of stress, such as lying. Hand-to-face favorites include the chin stroke, the lip press, the mouth cover, the nose touch, the cheek rub, the eyebrow scratch, the earlobe pull, and the hair groom.

Why these actions might indicate lying can be explained with the mouth cover. According to Morris, as false words emerge from the speaker’s mouth, one part of his brain becomes uncomfort-able and sends a message to his hand to “cover up” what the lips are doing. The other part of his brain, however, cannot permit this cover-up to work. The

result is a halfhearted motion, with the hand-to-mouth gesture ending up as a slight brush.

• Stiff and rigid posture. “Most people move less when they’re lying,” says psychologist Albert Mehrabian. “Their movements and body positions become less fluid.” However, some people move more when they feel con-flicted, as the next point shows.

• Increased body shifting. Most of us can remember squirming as children when we were being interrogated by our parents. Our squirms were symptoms of an almost over-powering desire to escape. As adults, we learn to suppress these actions, but they do not dis-appear entirely. If you know a person well, you may be able to spot times when he or she seems unusually restless. That body language may indicate that the person is uncomfortable about something he or she is saying.

How can you tell whether a smile is genuine?

Smiles are much more complicated than many people realize. Paul Ekman, a researcher at the

University of California at San Francisco, has iden-tified eighteen distinctive smiles—most of them phony. One of the most common is the “qualifier” smile, which superiors often use when rejecting an idea or criticizing an employee. In such a smile, the corners of the lips are usually tightened, with the bottom lip pushed up slightly. But Ekman says most people can identify the real thing. Look at the upper half of a person’s face. Genuine, or “felt,” smiles involve the muscles that make the corners of the eyes crinkle with pleasure.


Recalling the Facts1. Tone of voice is one way that we can com-

municate feelings. Descibe the different ways that a person can say the word “oh” to convey feelings.

2. Because we all try to disguise our real feel-ings from time to time, reading body lan-guage can be difficult. Describe ways we can use body language to distinguish genuine feelings from false ones.

3. How can you tell a genuine smile froma phony one?

4. What nonverbal message would a person send if she brushed her fingers across her mouth when she was speaking?

5. How does a person use his or her hands to send noverbal messages?

Thinking CriticallyAsk a partner to tell you two stories about something that happened to him or her—one true and one false. Your partner should try to make the false story sound reasonable, so that wild exaggerations don’t give the story away.

Listen to both stories, carefully observing your partner’s body language and tone of voice. Can you guess which story is true? After you have tried to guess, reverse roles and tell two stories to your partner. Now work with a partner and take turns saying the words “thanks a lot.” Keep track of the different feelings you can convey by chang-ing your tone of voice as you say the words.

Taking Charge

Watch a recording of a film or a TV show (a cartoon works well) with the sound off, and try to guess what is being expressed by body lan-guage alone. Then play the recording again with the volume up. How well did you do with your guesses? Reverse this procedure, so that you lis-ten but do not look. How much do you feel you lose by relying only on verbal messages? Try the same activity watching singers per-form a song in a televised competition. Turn off the sound as they sing. What does their body language and facial expression tell you about the feelings expressed in the song?

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While practiced everywhere, body language is not a universal language. The familiar thumbs-up gesture that means “every-

thing’s OK” or “good going,” especially when used by a pilot or an astronaut, has other meanings in other places. North Americans recognize the thumbs-up gesture as a sign that you are hitchhiking, but don’t use it to get a ride in Nigeria; there it’s a rude insult.

Roger Axtell, who traveled the world for 30 years as an executive with the Parker Pen Company, wrote a guide for business travelers—Do’s and Taboos Around the World—that he hoped would help head off international incidents.

“In Buenos Aires,” Axtell writes, “a manager met me with his arms outstretched. I realized, ‘That man’s going to hug me.’ I’m from Wisconsin. We don’t do things like that. And by the way, there’s an art to the social hug. You have to turn your head a bit. We ended up smashing noses. It wasn’t a very auspicious beginning.”

Cultural DifferencesGenerally, we expect to communicate better face

to face than indirectly—say, on the telephone. Nonverbal information—such as one’s appearance, tone of voice, facial expression, and body lan-guage—provides extra information that enriches understanding. However, when cultural differences are involved, more nonverbal information is not always better.

For one thing, when you do not have good com-mand of a foreign language, you tend to lose some control over your nonverbal expressions. So, English spoken with a foreign accent not only is hard to understand, but it can also lead to a poorly controlled tone of voice or awkward facial expres-sions. Sometimes it is hard not to judge a person based on such behaviors, and it takes patience to move beyond first impressions.

Gestures Around the World If humans can produce 5,000 different gestures,

why do we use the same ones over and over? Probably because they are the ones we need for everyday situations: when we greet each other, beckon to one another, and especially when we touch one another.

Nodding your head up and down means yes—unless, of course, you live in Bulgaria or parts of Greece, Turkey, and Iran, where it means just the opposite. Tapping your head with your forefinger can have two meanings. Sometimes it means, “That person is very intelligent!” and sometimes, “That

Most Americans reserve hugs for their families and close friends, but people in other cultures may hug when greeting strangers.

Multicultural Messages3


person is crazy!” It all depends on the facial expres-sion that goes with the gesture.

All over the world, scratching your head seems to mean, “I am confused.” Apparently, everyone gets confused. In an Italian study, psychologists filmed people in telephone booths. One clip shows a man holding the receiver in his left hand and gesturing vigorously with his right. As the conversation seems to agitate him more, he tucks the receiver under his chin to free both hands for gesturing, beating the air with his fists.

This man probably couldn’t talk at all if we tied his hands behind his back. Let’s take a closer look at what other gestures can mean in different cultures.

Signs of Greeting Some anthropologists, scien-tists who study human cultural development, believe that an outstretched hand as a form of

greeting goes far back in history. Citizens of the Roman Empire greeted each other with a hand-and-forearm clasp, mainly to show that neither party was carrying a weapon. The hug or embrace (a form of greeting common in Mediterranean countries) may have had a similar purpose. The hug gave people physical assurance that no weap-ons were hiding beneath anyone’s robe.

Worldwide, many other forms of greeting are used. In the Middle East, citizens can still be seen giving the salaam. To give the salaam, you sweep your right hand upward, first touching the heart, then the forehead, and finally up and outward, per-haps with a slight nod of the head. At the same time you say, Salaam alaykum, meaning “Peace be with you.”

Many Inuit people greet by slapping their hands on each other’s head or shoulders. Some Polynesians welcome strangers by embracing them and then

The Ultimate GestureIf you feel bewildered by the seemingly infinite number of gestures used around the

world, perhaps you would do well to remember the “ultimate gesture.” Researchers call it that because it carries more positive characteristics than any other single gesture.

First, this gesture is known everywhere in the world. It is absolutely universal.

Second, it is rarely, if ever, misunderstood. Nonindustrial peoples and world leaders alike know this gesture. They—like you, no doubt—recognize it in others and use it them-selves.

Third, scientists believe this particular gesture releases chemicals called endorphins into your system, creating a feeling of mild euphoria—a sense of great happiness or well-being.

Fourth, as you travel around the world, this gesture may help you slip out of the prickli-est of situations.

What is this singular signal, this miracle, this giant of all gestures?

It is, quite simply, the smile.

QuestionWhat other universal gestures or expressions can you identify?


rubbing their backs. Maori people in New Zealand rub noses, and some East Africans spit at each oth-er’s feet. Americans traveling to Tibet should be cul-turally alert. People there are said to greet one another by sticking out their tongues.

Handshakes Handshakes seem to come in three styles: gentle, firm, and Texan. Britain’s Prince Charles, who travels widely and must be something of an expert on international greetings, has com-plained about the finger-crunching grip of Americans, “especially Texans.”

Kisses French people like handshakes, but many of them don’t stop there. Close friendships require warmer greetings. Men kiss each other, squeeze each other’s shoulders, slap backs, punch kidneys, and pinch cheeks. When men greet women or women greet other women, a kiss on each cheek is expected.

Bows The most polite greeting of all is the bow. In many Asian countries—especially Japan, where style and courtesy are highly valued—a bow from the waist is the preferred way to greet someone. A bow indicates respect and humility, and it often reflects social status. To the Japanese, bowing is indispens-able, because it allows them to greet one another without invading each other’s personal space.

Who bows first? In Japanese society, rank is very important. In business, for example, a mid-level manager in a large company outranks a department head. Therefore, the person of lower rank (in this

case, the department head) bows first and lower. Normally, American travelers are not expected to make a full bow to their Japanese companions, but they might make a slight bow to indicate that they respect Japanese customs.

Even being culturally sensitive, however, won’t keep you from awkward situations. Many Japanese people, especially those who travel abroad, have adopted Western ways. As a result, you may find yourself bowing in a Japanese person’s direction just as she or he reaches out to shake your hand. When cultures collide, we often meet each other somewhere in the middle.

Touching CustomsWe live in a world of extremes: some cultures

enjoy lots of body contact; others avoid it com-pletely. One psychologist measured this desire to touch by watching how people behave in busy downtown coffee shops. He found that couples in San Juan, Puerto Rico, touched each other about 180 times per hour, while couples in Paris touched about 110 times per hour. The comparative numbers for the United States and northern Europe were dramatically different. Couples in Gainesville, Florida, touched each other just twice an hour, and couples in London never touched at all.

Touching is the language of physical intimacy.Because of this, touch can be the most powerful of all the communication channels. Brigitte Gerney was trapped for six hours beneath the wreckage of a collapsed construction crane in New York City. Throughout her ordeal, she held the hand of a res-cue worker, who stayed by her side as heavy machin-ery removed the tons of twisted steel from her crushed legs. A stranger’s touch gave her hope and the will to live.

Touch appears to affect the sexes differently. Women sometimes react much more favorably to touch than men. In one study, psychologists asked a group of nurses to lightly touch a patient once or twice shortly before the patient underwent surgery. The touching produced a strongly positive reac-tion—but only among women. It appeared to lower their blood pressure and anxiety levels both before and after surgery.

In Japan a bow from the waist is thepreferred greeting.


For men, however, the touching proved to be very upsetting. Both their blood pressure and their anxiety levels rose. The psychologists suspect that because men are taught to be more stoic—that is, to hide their feelings and to ignore their fears—the touching rattled them by reminding them that life is fragile.

How do you feel about touching and being touched? Salespeople think they know—research shows that it is harder to say no to someone who touches you when making a request—but not everyone is happy about being touched by a

stranger. Think about your own comfort level when you find yourself in a crowd. Are you relaxed and loose, or does physical contact make you feel awk-ward and tense?

In some situations, we can’t help touching each other. In a crowded elevator, for instance, people stand shoulder to shoulder and arm to arm, accept-ing such close contact without complaint. The rule seems to be “Touch only from shoulder to elbow, but nowhere else.” Even though many people regard Japan as a “nontouching” society, its crowded cities force people to be jammed into subways and trains. Edward T. Hall, an anthropologist, says the Japanese handle their uneasiness about being packed into public places by avoiding eye contact and drawing within themselves emotionally, thus “touching without feeling.”

Watch My SpaceSometimes we speak of “keeping our distance”

from someone we dislike or “getting close” to someone we like. Anthropologists say that we all live inside a “bubble” of personal space. The bub-ble represents our personal territory, and we resent it when someone invades our space.

International businesspeople need to be aware of what kinds of touching are acceptable in different parts of the world.

Gestures Gone Awry

While a kiss on the cheek or a hug in public is acceptable—and even

expected—in Hollywood, such gestures are not acceptable in Bollywood (India’s film industry, located in Mumbai). In 2007 actor Richard Gere, star of Chicago and Pretty Woman, learned this lesson the hard way when he kissed Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS awareness rally in Jaipar, India. His act sparked protests across the country and landed Gere and Shetty in court for violating “public obscenity” laws. Some followers of the Hindu religion felt Gere’s gesture not only damaged Shetty’s reputa-tion but insulted Indian culture. The high court, however, dismissed the charges.

In 2006 President George W. Bush made a similar cultural blunder when he squeezed the shoulders of German chancellor Angela Merkel at the Group of 8 Summit in Russia. Merkel appeared shocked by the gesture, and the German media called Bush’s act a “love attack.” Bush has been known to hug or kiss people in public, but these displays of affection are definite “no-nos” in countries where public touching is unacceptable.


Americans tend to prefer standing about 24 to 30 inches from one another. This just happens to be an arm’s length away. “When two Americans stand fac-ing one another in any normal social or business situation,” says George Renwick, an expert on inter-cultural communication, “one could stretch out his

arm and put his thumb in the other person’s ear.” Asian people tend to stand farther apart when talk-ing. Latin Americans and Middle Easterners, on the other hand, tend to stand much closer, literally toe to toe. They also tend to like touching their partner’s arm or elbow when conversing.

Types of SpaceINTIMATE PERSONAL SOCIAL PUBLIC

under 18 inches 11⁄2 to 4 feet 4 to 12 feet over 12 feet

Intimate distance is primarily for confidential exchanges and is almost always reserved for close friends.

Personal distance is comfortable for conversa-tion between friends.

Social distance is the ordinary distance people maintain from one another for most social and business exchanges.

At a public distance,perhaps in a shopping mall or on the street, people barely acknowledge each other’s presence. At most, they give a nod or a shake of the head.

Sometimes you cannot avoid contact at rush hour because you have no personal space.


Recalling the Facts1. Give a few examples of the ways in which

greetings differ from one country to another.

2. In what two ways could people interpret the gesture of tapping one’s head with the index finger?

3. How does touch affect some men and women differently?

4. In what cultures are people most likely to stand close and touch you while they are talking?

5. What is the difference between public space and private space?

Thinking Critically1. Touching customs that vary from culture to

culture can have unfortunate consequences. In Korea, for example, when merchants make change for a customer, they usually place the money on the counter to avoid any physical contact. “They won’t touch my hand,” one American customer com-plained. A Korean merchant explained that in his homeland, people are taught to avoid all physical contact with strangers, espe-cially direct eye contact. Can you suggest a

way that Korean merchants could be con-sistent with their cultural customs but still make foreign customers feel welcome?

2. How important is it to be familiar with the body language customs of other cul-tures? Do you think it would it be better if all cultures had the same body lan-guage? Why or why not?

3. How do you think greetings change when people see each other frequently? Do you greet your parents, whom you see almost every day, the same way that you greet relatives you have not seen for months or years?

Taking Charge

Invite several recent immigrants to class and ask them to discuss the differences they notice in nonverbal communication between the United States and their homelands. Take a survey among classmates about the ways that people in their families greet each other. How many have relatives who hug them? How many have relatives who kiss them? How many have relatives who bow? Discuss greetings in relation to a classmate’s cultural background.

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One Woman’s Experiment to Act Like a Man

In her book You Just Don’t Understand, linguist Deborah Tannen argues that men and women speak different languages. What she doesn’t say, however, is that the sexes also use different body languages. That idea is what caused journalist Sheila Feeney to try an unusual experiment. What if, she asked, she walked like a man? Eventually, after doing some inter-views with experts, she compiled a top-five list of what she called classic male moves:

• The land grab. Men tend to take up more space than women do, according to Feeney. Women who have battled for an armrest in a theater or fought for space on a couch might agree with Feeney. Dr. Lillian Glass, a communications specialist, advises women executives to make their own “land grab” by spreading their papers around a meeting table and using sweeping arm gestures to help establish authority.

• Touchy, touchy. Despite what you might think, men are more likely to touch women than vice versa, according to Feeney. And where they touch is critical: Most women restrict themselves to the forearms and hands, while many guys go for the upper body—hence all that back-slapping, shoulder-shaking, and arm-pumping.

• The stare master. Unlike women, men often look at people without softening their appraising stare, says Glass. She says women are more conditioned to seek and give approval. Feeney decided to stare at a few men on the street. Some broke into smiles, some even said hello, but the overwhelming majority of strangers and acquaintances she picked as “victims” became distinctly uncomfortable.

• The chest butt. “If you really want to try something, orient your body directly at another person,” says Dr. David Givens, an expert in nonverbal communication. Unless they’re about to shout someone down or punch him in the nose, men instinc-tively turn from each other when talking. Standing face to face is something men will do only when they’re mad.

• Look away, look away. Some women complain that men don’t pay attention to them. They say that many men’s eyes wander to their watches, to the television, or to the newspaper when they are supposed to be listening. Yet the male “power move” of avoiding eye contact while being spoken to proved to be tough for Feeney. She said she felt unforgivably mean each time she glanced away while someone was speaking to her.

Question: What other kinds of body language do you think men tend to use more than

women? What kinds of body language do women use more than men?


Appreciating the Difference by Charlie Paul

In the following speech (made soon after a presidential campaign by Bill Clinton), a student makes the case that different groups have different body languages. Paying close attention to body language and

nonverbal communication, he argues, might help us overcome some cultural misunderstandings.

Facial expressions, hand gestures, and body language all say as much as voices, but they mean different things to different people—depending on where your ancestors immigrated from and where you live.

In the last political presidential campaign, I began to notice that I had never actually seen a television clip or picture where Bill Clinton was not smiling. It took me a great deal of time before I realized that Clinton’s smile actually represented a regional difference in body lan-guage—a kind of Southern accent of the face. Each cul-ture has a set of unwritten rules regarding the situations in which smiling is or is not expected, and people in the South habitually smile a great deal. In fact, a person from Arkansas who seldom smiled would probably be asked what was wrong.

No one is actually taught when to smile and when not to. As children grow up, they simply emulate the behav-ior of the people around them; they absorb a kind of nonverbal code as they learn the spoken language. A German, for instance, gestures in a manner that is as distinctively German as his speech.

In the United States, body language can be very com-plicated. We are a nation of immigrants and descendants of immigrants—all of whom came with their own lan-guage and ethnic differences. Spoken accents tend to dis-appear long before body dialects, so second-generation Hispanic-Americans, for example, often look Hispanic in the way that they move and gesture though they don’t sound Hispanic at all. . . .

It would be an oversimplification to say that a person was expressive or inexpressive entirely on the basis of ethnic background. Personality enters into the picture, and of course, ethnic differences can also be cross-cut by regional and religious ones. What is more interesting to

note is that what is learned can be unlearned. Dr. Robert Sheckley, a New York psychiatrist, stated that “American women generally have much more animated facial expres-sions than men, but in recent years professional women in the workforce have learned to be less expressive.” Sheckley went on to say that regardless of the occupation, women are often expected to conceal their emotions.

Body language is a very complicated subject, and the differences between the sexes and people of different origins can often lead to problems or misunderstand-ings. Not long ago, for example, I was in a friend’s kitchen when suddenly I realized I literally had my body pressed up against a wall—even though we had started the con-versation in the middle of the room. I thought about what had happened. I tend to keep my distance from people during conversation, but my friend obviously feels more at ease in situations of close proximity. So as she moved forward, I moved back to maintain the dis-tance that was comfortable for me and we gradually inched across the room. If I hadn’t stopped and thought about the situation, I might have concluded that she was being very aggressive and pushy—just as she might have thought that I was standoffish and aloof. . . .

Opinions differ as to how important body languages are, but researchers all agree that they do exist—and they don’t have to create problems.

One way to help prevent misunderstanding is for everyone to realize that we really don’t all speak the same body language. Beyond that, maybe we need to learn to appreciate our differences, rather than keep try-ing to overlook them, so that we can open ourselves up to the fascinating variations in people. To quote my Irish granddad, “May the gentle rain and wind fade all your problems.”

• Nonverbal messages are a vital part of face-to-face communication.

• Nonverbal messages frequently over-power verbal messages.

• Although body language is used world-wide, it is not a universal language.

• Some cultures are much more comfort-able with touching than others.

• The distance you keep between yourself and others (your “personal space”) helps define the kind of communication that is taking place.

• We tend to look for nonverbal messages in other people’s faces, but the face is the part of the body that can be most easily controlled and therefore disguised.

• We can learn to spot someone who is lying by studying body language. People who are lying tend to use fewer hand ges-tures, to touch their faces more often, and to shift position more frequently.

• You should assess your own body lan-guage from time to time, especially to see whether it contributes to a professional demeanor.

Looking Back

Listed below are the major ideas discussed in this chapter.

1. nonverbal message 2. body language 3. gesture 4. tone of voice 5. personal space 6. intimate distance 7. personal distance 8. social distance 9. public distance 10. eye contact

a. all our physical movementsb. the distance for a conversation among

friendsc. looking directly at your communication

partnerd. any means of communication other than

wordse. the distance we keep between ourselves

and strangersf. style or manner of expressiong. the distance for normal business conver-

sationsh. the distance for personal conversationsi. our “personal territory”j. hand or arm movemen t

Speech Vocabulary

Match each vocabulary term on the left with the correct definition on the right.

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95Chapter Review For additional practice and assessment, go to glencoe.com and enter QuickPass code GS7800c4.Speech Online

Review and Enrichment

http://www.glencoe.com


Review and Enrichment

Academic Vocabulary

Use context clues to write the meaning of each vocabulary term. Then use a print or online dictionary to check the accuracy of your definition.

sympatheticdiversedistalproximaltimbre

suppressanthropologistcomparativeintimacystoic

To Remember

Answer the following, based on your reading of the chapter.

1. Approximately how many different gestures can human beings produce?

2. The handshake and other forms of greeting go far back in time. What purpose do anthro-pologists think these gestures originally served?

3. Name two cultures where touching among friends is common and two where it is not.

4. How far apart would two close friends ordi-narily stand or sit during a friendly conversa-tion? What about two strangers?

5. What might a tendency to touch his or her face suggest about a speaker?

To Do

1. Challenge your classmates to do short panto-mimes of situations. Ask them to nonverbally present an ER room in a hospital, a nursery school, or an amusement park.

2. Try a game of charades with your friends. Act out movie titles or current events to see how well you can communicate without words.

3. Watch a film or video of the great mime Marcel Marceau. What could a mime teach you about using more expressive body language? Try pantomiming the action of throwing a ball. Have the ball change in weight and size. Have it become sticky, muddy, hot, wet, or cold.

4. Bring some home videos to class. After read-ing the discussion of facial expressions on pages 83–84, watch the available videos, focusing on the facial expressions. When a

face is prominently displayed on the screen, stop the video and take turns with your class-mates commenting on what you think that particular expression “says.” How would you assess your skill at reading expressions? Do some of your classmates seem more skilled than others at interpreting facial expressions?

5. Take turns telling about one of the following, with your hands held behind your back.

• How to shave• How to mix a cake• How to serve a tennis ball• How to shake a rug• How to apply makeup• How to pass a football• How to use a curling iron

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6. When you want to express confidence, you try to look bigger. You stretch yourself up to your full height—head back, chest out, nose up. We call this “walking tall.” When you’re sad or discouraged, you make yourself look

smaller by bending over, tucking your head in, and looking down. Practice trying these different kinds of walks at school. What kinds of reactions does each style elicit?

To Talk About

1. How important is nonverbal communication in everyday life? In school? On the job?

2. How big is your bubble? How much room do you need around yourself to be comfortable? Does that change with different social situa-tions or different people?

3. How do you know when someone is not telling the truth? What clues do you look for? Reread the discussion “How to Tell When Someone Is Lying” on pages 84–85. Which of the different types of body language mentioned do you think

are the best indicators that someone might be lying? Do you think reading this information will make you more apt to recognize when someone is lying to you?

4 The Instant Impact on page 80 discusses the distinct way of walking that each individual has. The feature even refers to a person’s walk as his or her “second signature.” Have you noticed the way that a particular person walks? Do you agree with the idea that everyone has a distinct walk? How would you describe your walk?

To Write About

1. Keep a log of your personal space for one day. Each time you have a conversation, make a note of how close to you the other person stood or sat. Observe how the spatial distance between you and others varies according to the following factors: their status or author-ity, sex, age, and social or cultural back-ground. Compare your log with those of classmates.

2. Write a description of how to do one of these things: • shoot a free throw • wash a dogNext, write a speech explaining the same process, and plan to use hand gestures and facial expressions to illustrate it. How many words did body language save you? What parts of the explanation became easier?

Related Speech Topics

How to speak body languageYou’re in my space!The sure-fire liar detector planRead a person like a bookGestures around the world

Eye contact: Don’t forget it!Smiles: the universal languageFear, anxiety, and the bodyTalking without hands: Can you do it?Clothes make the man or woman: true or false?

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