Sport Parenting and You

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Poll Everywhere?

What do YOU do to be a good sport parent?

Poll Everywhere

A Little About Me…

Parenting is the hardest (and most important) job!!

All should be working toward same goals FOR and WITH athlete

Coach – Parent – Athlete Triad

1) Recreational, social, fitness2) Educational3) An honorable competitor4) Fit-for-life philosophy

Why We’re Here – The Good Stuff!

52 year-old man punches eighth grade son in face for losing at basketball (2011).

A 44 year-old truck driver was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for beating another man to death at their sons' hockey practice (2002).

Why Are We Here?

Parent body-slammed a referee…

Parent charged with aggravated assault…

Referee hit in the head…

Parent head-butted an official….

Need we go on?

This is for me…not my mom. She had her chance.

They are so annoying.

Dad is so embarrassing when he yells at the ref…and he’s wrong.

I don’t even want to go out there.

I hate the ride home after games.

From the kids….

What is the hardest part of being a sport parent?

Poll Everywhere

All parents love their children.

All parents want the best life for their children.

All parents want their children to be successful.

Guiding Beliefs

Stacy Sykora, former Olympian and Flatirons clinician….yeah!

Parents and coaches have different roles in the “raising” of children.

Each child is different. Each parent is different. Each family is different.

For each sport experience, it is important to set goals to measure success.

Guiding Beliefs

Why is it difficult to be objective about our own

kids?

Why Sports?

Hard work can lead to something Commitment is important Communication is essential Lessons come from failure

Honoring the game

Lessons of Sport

Sports teach life lessons in a “safe” environment.

This is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

Finish this sentence with as many indicators as you feel you need.

At the end of the season, I (as a parent) will see it as a success

if……

Goal Setting

Outcome based?◦ Will win x amount of games / trophies /

scholarships?◦ Pay for college with this?

Process based?◦ Learn life skills?◦ Base athletic skills?◦ Have fun?

What are YOUR Goals for Your Children?

How might your student-athlete complete the same sentence?

At the end of the season, I (as a student-athlete) will see

it as a success if……

Goal Setting for Athletes

Why do you think kids play sports?

Poll Everywhere

1. To have fun.

2. To do something I’m good at.

3. To be with and make friends.

4. To get fit and stay in shape.

5. To improve my skills and learn new ones.

6. To be part of a team and learn teamwork.

Parenting.org Poll

Are there discrepancies?

How you manage those gaps will define how you parent an athlete.

Opportunity

Unconditional support

Teachers for the long term

Our Role as Parents?

Sole source of motivation

Coaches◦Volleyball is a game of mistakes; let the coaches correct and instruct.

Not Our Role?

84% - less parental interaction than in past

71% - “helpfulness” crosses into intrusiveness◦ Favor seeking◦ Overly protective◦ Adversarial parents

Survey of Coaches

Club’s working philosophy

1) Prepare athletes to play their best.

2) Teach life skills.

Double Goal Coach

When we were in school, if something was wrong, it was you. You were wrong.

Now, the parents come back at us (teachers). When we started teaching, that just didn’t happen. You were considered professional, and if my opinion about your paper was this, that was accepted because I’m the teacher and I’m the professional. And now everything is second-guessed

Rachel Simmons…

Many teachers, especially those in more affluent communities, believe they are treated no better than a customer-service representative at a store. They are selling a product, and the parents are paying customers. When the parents aren’t happy, they complain. Their children watch and learn (Simmons 86).

Short-term success

Long-term failure

Effect?

Provide opportunity – guilt free

Provide a safe place to express feelings – judgment free

Cheer for them – all the time

Let them learn

So…what do we DO?

Experience for themselves◦ Winning, losing, failing, rebounding

Speak for themselves◦ To teammates◦ To coaches◦ To you!

Conversations are opportunities for GAIN, not LOSS

Learn..How?

“You’re playing poorly”

Males: look around and assume you are talking about SOMEONE else

Females: Assume the coach is talking about THEM in specific (Dorrance, 1996)

Girls and Feedback

Apply friendship rules to coaches and teachers

See constructive criticism as negative criticism

Coach: Feedback isn’t direct, immediate Not as helpful Less honest picture of self / skills When do we become honest – “real job”?

Girls and Feedback

Playing time decisions are at the discretion of the coaching staff.

We do not guarantee any set amount of playing time for athletes.

Playing Time

If the ATHLETE has a concern◦ Address that to the coach◦ Listen to an implement the agreed-upon plan

If a PARENT has a concern◦ Address that to Susan, Chris, or Eric◦ Please do not address this issue with the coach

◦ You cannot un-ring that bell!

Concerns and Communication

Is there a life lesson the athlete can learn on HER OWN?

Let HER talk.

Help your athlete prepare for the conversation◦ Organize her thoughts◦ Give her sentence starters◦ Role play the conversation.

Why?

Wait 24 hours after tournaments

Have athlete make an appointment◦ Away from practice / games

Pinpoint what is bothering the athlete

Listen objectively

Implement improvement plan

Recommendations

Today

On-going◦ Mediate meetings at all levels

◦ Non-team affiliated counselor

◦ Work with athletes on Monday for leadership training.

◦ 303-819-2571◦ Christopher.warner@adams12.org

My Role in This Process

Resources

This is just a game

Kids should be having fun – even up to that 18s age level!

Cheer and love them like mad!!!

Final Thoughts