Slide 2

This should help to settle your lunch and improve your alertness!

THIS IS A LISTENING GAME called Mr. and Mrs. Wright and comes from Lesson 3, Following instructions in the PRIMARY program.

Have everyone stand well away from each other.

Tell them that you are going to read a story about Mr. and Mrs. Wright and that they will need to listen very carefully. When they hear you say the word "right" they will have to jump to the right.

When they hear you say "left" the will have to jump to the left. This game is a lot of fun, but each person’s success hinges on them concentrating, listening and remembering. It’s all about following directions to the letter!

The story …

This is a story about Mr. and Mrs WRIGHT. One evening they were baking cookies. Mrs. WRIGHT called from the kitchen, "Oh, no, there is no flour LEFT! You will need to go out to the store RIGHT away.“

"I can't believe you forgot to check the pantry," grumbled MR. WRIGHT. "You never get anything RIGHT!"

"Don't be difficult, dear," replied Mrs. WRIGHT. “You could have LEFT by now and been on your way. It will only take twenty minutes if you come RIGHT back.

Go to the Post Office up on the main road, and turn LEFT at the stop sign. Then go past the fruit shop we usually go to, and turn RIGHT, and there it will be on your LEFT," declared Mrs. WRIGHT as her husband LEFT the house.

Mr. WRIGHT found the store and asked the shop assistant where he could find the flour. The shop assistant pointed and said, "Go to Aisle four and turn LEFT. The flour and sugar will be on your LEFT.”

Mr. WRIGHT made his purchase and walked RIGHT out the door. He turned LEFT, but he couldn't remember where he had LEFT his car. Suddenly he remembered that he had driven Mrs. WRIGHT'S car and that his car was in the driveway at home RIGHT where he had LEFT it. He finally found the RIGHT car and put his things RIGHT inside. Eventually, a weary Mr. WRIGHT found his way home.

Mrs. WRIGHT had been waiting impatiently. "I thought you would be RIGHT back," she said. "I LEFT all the cookie ingredients on the kitchen counter, and the cats got into the milk. You'll just have to go RIGHT out again.“

Mr. WRIGHT sighed. He had no energy LEFT. "I am going RIGHT to bed," he said. "Anyway, I need to go on a diet, so I might as well start RIGHT now. Isn't that RIGHT, dear?”

Author unknown

May I get up close and personal with you?

That’s right, in the beginning TEACHING probably looked like a brilliant, or at least, an adequate career choice.

You liked kids.

And, you did reasonably well at school.

You got the right ATAR or whatever it was called back then, and slipped into teaching.

Suddenly, you had your degree.

Before you knew it you were teaching in a school!

Soon the years slipped away, and somehow you developed your own unique teaching style

So, let’s look at your own unique teaching style

Let’s be clear here – your management style is what others experience from you.

It’s not about your BEST INTENTIONS, or how you work on a good day, or about the style you wish you could work from.

It’s how others see you and experience you.

More to the point, it’s what students, staff and parents say about your style behind your back.

To do this let’s use the SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW

The SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW has more to do with our gut reactions, and how our emotions naturally tend to dance about.

This stuff is less rational and far more emotionally based!

As you can see, it generates four BASIC leadership styles.

Don’t despair, because most of us spend time in each of the quadrants. The length and intensity of our visits are ruled by our emotional states and other prevailing life forces.

Most of us can identify a quadrant we tend to ‘live in’, a quadrant we ‘default to’ when the going gets tough, and a quadrant that would be healthier for all to spend a lot more time in.

By the way, try not to be too judgmental.

Resist interpreting each quadrant as good or bad. They simply exist.

Try not to take the MORAL HIGHGROUND and think – “I know this stuff,” “I do this stuff.”

Treat the next few minutes as a time for personal reflection and growth.

There is room for improvement within all of us.

You’re in authority alright.

You feel that to lead you’ve got to be seen with the POWER. You must be clearly seen as the BOSS who has the final say. That’s right – ‘the buck stops with you!’

You come into the classroom and start off hard on the kids.

You demonstrate that you don’t back down or take prisoners!

You believe in the old saying, “Don’t give students an inch until Easter.” Not sure what happens after Easter?

You’re a good person, but this is how strength of leadership appears to you.

Sadly, you’re low on showing empathy, the very ingredient required to build relationship, loyalty and connection.

You demand high standards and your not afraid to get in the faces of student. Yes, you rely on aggressive and confrontational ways to achieve what you want.

You micromanage students by closely supervising them and finding ways to control them from afar - and, you do this for their benefit.

When you are provoked you feel yourself getting steamed up quickly.

A little voice in your head tends to say, “How many bloody times do I have to tell him?” ‘What’s wrong with her this time?” “Well, if he refuses to learn the easy way, I’ll show him what the hard way looks like” “I’ll get my pound of flesh – or revenge.”

Then suddenly, you trot out an emotionally confronting phrase or two that graduate into threats.

You’re frequently overheard saying; “you must,” “you will,” “you won’t,” “I want,” “I want it,” “I want it now,” “how many times do I have to ask,” “if you make me ask one more time...” and “don’t you dare!”

When things go wrong (just as they do for all of us), your attention is on what went wrong, finding the culprit and finding a way to let them feel your disapproval.

You regularly hear yourself saying; “whose fault was that?” “who’s to blame?” or “what’s the right punishment?”

You take on the role of detective, judge and executioner.

Rarely, does the consequence concern how others, or relationships, may have been affected, and how those who may have caused the trouble might make things better again.

Sadly, those who manage students exclusively from this quadrant draw from a very limited tool box; shouting, intimidating, ranting, threatening, demanding, constantly reprimanding, punishing and pulling back on the limited amount of emotion usually offered by sulking and huffing about and eye rolling at the student.

The use of these tools will make some kids nervy, and motivate others to be confrontational, oppositional and highly reactive.

And, as students become more savvy, there is usually a point where they begin to seek fabulous entertainment from a mum or dad’s predictable and emotionally charged reactions - the punitive buttons are so much fun to push!

That’s right, despite your supposed power and your rants, they’ve sussed you out and work around you when they have to or want to.

And, when human beings feel unsafe, threatened or too challenged it’s human nature to fight back – some will do it meekly, and others hotly – and a few will become highly anxious an nervy about this punitive style of management.

Will’s story…

And, Will’s maths teacher…

 

Let’s stay in the PUNITIVE quadrant, because there’s a lot to be learnt on our visit.

I have a mild mannered and serious minded client, called Dan.

Today he’s 23 years of age

He’s a beautiful young man – always has been - and I’d be proud to call him my son.

However, when he was 17 all hell broke loose for Dan, a teacher, his family and his school.

Something – right out of character occurred.

Dan’s phone rang in class. It had never happened before.

Mark to tell Dan’s story…..

I want to share a video with you – don’t blink as it only runs for just 3 minutes or so.

I've got 2 questions for you. They’re on the screen

Could you spend a 5 minutes exchanging ideas about the two questions on screen with those at your table?

Allow for discussion at tables.

So what was Dan thinking?

Well, Dan’s prefrontal cortex – that frontal lobe - isn't yet fully developed.

The frontal lobes are one of the last areas of the brain to develop in ALL human beings.

It is responsible for things like organising, planning, forming strategies, reasoning and controlling impulses – AND - it is not fully developed in boys until close to 30 years of age – this is much, much, much later than was understood just a handful of years ago.

For girls, the frontal lobe maturation is earlier, around 23 to 24 years of age. This is the sort of completion that girls win against us boys!

In calm situations, Dan, like most kids and adolescents, can rationalise as well as an adult.

But stress, pressure, tension and anxiety….. well, they steal what we call “HOT COGNITION" – it creates what’s called the ADRENALIN BRAIN.

And, when the brain is adrenalized it’s rapid, logical decision-making capacity simply disappears.

The brain’s bits simply stop talking to one another, but fight and flight work really well.

In this quadrant you are unavailable to give students the consistent care, coaching and guidance needed.

When you look around your classroom you see too many kids, with too many problems. Yeah, there’s too many with too many executive functioning problems. It’s hard enough being in charge of your own executive functioning, let alone helping a class of others!

And, you know what some of your students are doing!

They are playing mindless games on their laptops , texting, listening to their iPods or watching a screen hidden under their desk, but you? You turn a blind eye.

They’re not interested in you, so why should you be committed to them?

As for your interaction with colleagues, well, you choose to be almost equally aloof. However, you have aligned yourself with a few on staff who share your neglectful point of view, and together you fuel each other’s dissatisfaction for the school, for teaching and for other staff members. You see them as an elite group of colleagues, but the truth is they are insidiously destructive and poisonous to your wellbeing and future.

There may be reasons motivating your neglectful style.

You may have walked into this school and realised, all too late, that it’s filled with wayward students. Now, in order to survive, you’ve learnt that by appearing neglectful, chilled, easy going you’re less likely to enter into conflict with them.

This ‘soulless neglectful zone’ simply allows you to survive!

If questioned about the behaviour of your kids you’d reply;

“What can I do given the backgrounds these kids come from?”

Or, “What do you expect, we have too many students with too many special needs. And, that’s why our NAPLAN results are the most depressed in Australia.”

To be fair, sometimes those in the neglectful quadrant are struggling with poor health, relationship breakdowns, divorce, depression, death or illness win the family, awful property settlements, alcohol abuse and substance addictions. Perhaps they’re overwhelmed by impossible financial pressures. These really can take an incredible toll.

Perhaps you have a personality where it is difficult for you to seek out a student, show a little affection, give them time, sit and talk, exchange thoughts and even laugh with them.

These moments are GOLD. They’re priceless. They’re precious and build protective elements within relationship that can be banked away as credit, and used later when needed. But, you’re too far gone to even see this.

I know what you’re thinking at this point.

Yes, you’ve jumped to the moral high ground and believe there’s no way you could possibly fit into the neglectful quadrant.

Not so - we’ve all been here from time to time.

Well, what about at school the other day.

Remember, 13 year old Brad. He’s not a bad kid, but his immaturity and poor concentration means he’s still relying on you to be his frontal lobe a lot of the time.

But, working within the neglectful quadrant you didn’t say anything as he was falling behind.

You kept your head down, worked in silence, and wrote copious notes on the board for everyone to copy AND keep copying. You weren’t motivated to be practical or tactical. You could have said:

“Hey, Brad, do you know what do next?”

“Let me give you a kick start.”

“I like you way too much to let you fall behind – there’s another way we can do this.”

You could have chosen to sit with him for a few moments, and then pull out a big gun. You could have offered Brad a random incentive to get him over the hump. At least it would be an attempt to get him onside; catching students doing well, and commenting on it, is always the best way to get the behaviours we want. But, it’s the last thing a tired, jaded and disenfranchised educator living in the neglectful quadrant will choose to do.

When we’re in this neglectful zone we quickly discount being a skilful model and doubt the value of positive seed planting.

We forget to encourage and set a few achievable goals with students. We forget to chase them and celebrate them.

There is no judgement here.

I’m simply developing a ‘mindfulness’ around the choices available to us as we manage students. AS you’re beginning to see, it’s not all about their tricky behaviours!

When we live this neglectful zone we ignore the wonderful breakthroughs in neuro- science.

We choose to ignore that the brain is an amazing dynamic organ, one that can over time rearrange itself and make awesome compensations, even for kids and teens doing it tough.

We choose to ignore that we are part of a miracle – that, what we say and do in class on a day to day basis has a direct influence on how our students’ brains develop.

Let’s keep 13 year old Brad in mind.

He's typical of many students exhibiting those ‘tricky behaviours’ – you know; they’re rarely ready, rarely prepared, usually late and constantly muddled. They seem to live in a fog and are constantly reacting.

At this point, we have to seriously consider ‘Contingency strategies’ or ‘social or token reinforcement systems’ for GROUPS or for INDIVIDUALS to keep them on track and moving in positive directions.

Just look at John Hattie’s research results! (gesture to screen)

God bless him! Hattie finally burst the bubble that well constructed Token Economy systems improve student engagement, cooperation, persistence and achievement. That’s now an empirically established fact.

Why are they so powerful?

In part it’s the novelty, part of it is the chasing of a goal, getting caught up in positivity, and finally the achievement.

As mentioned earlier today, the design is where a teacher earmarks a set of specific behaviours desired.

As the student, or the group, display the targeted behaviour there’s a tangible recognition in the form of a symbol or token.

Designs most likely to improve outcomes are where the focus is on language that coaches, skills and guides students to success.

Designs least likely to improve outcomes are where the focus is on speed, competition and the humiliation of those who can’t keep up.

One example of a token reinforcement system used widely by primary and middle school educators around the world is Class Dojo. It has great value for individuals like Brad, but is also useful to set a cooperative classroom tone.

Here are a few ideas around ‘token reinforcement systems’

CLICK

LUCKY DIPS

During lessons students are handed a small post-it note by the teacher as a way of acknowledging praising them for something they have done well. The student writes their name on it and inserts it into the lucky dip box.

This is a fabulous motivator for kids of all ages.

STAR CHARTS

Attach the star chart, or similar, to a student’s desk or a group of student’s desks. Use this idea to encourage kids to show kindness, improved organisation, better listening, a tidy table, working co-operatively and so on.

Each time you notice something noteworthy from the group add a sticker to their star chart. The table with the most stars at the end of the week/ day attracts a group reward.

GOLDEN TIME/ GIFT (Get It Finished Time)

Is where students are eligible to trade in vouchers received for their work completion, helpfulness, kind deeds, cooperation and so on over the week.

Golden Time and GIFT is usually play based and offers choices such as; card games, board games, puzzles soccer, basketball, beading, origami, listening to music and lots more.

LUCKY GOLD NUGGETS

This is a motivating idea that is VERY visual. Use gold spray paint to paint a selection of nuggetty looking rocks. Presto, you have GOLD NUGGETS at your disposal! Make sure that the collection weighs in at a kilogram. Get a set of kitchen scales or similar where students can easily keep an eye on the weight. The lucky gold nugget game is continuous. Keep adding a new nugget to the load being weighed whenever something good happens in class that attracts your attention and comment on it at the time. When a kilo of gold is reached – it’s reward time, and it’s best to pre-arrange rewards.

CHOCOLATE WHEEL

WATER SOAKER TIME

Please take a few minutes to share a ‘token system’ you, or a colleague, has used to make a difference to the performance of students?

Those who work in the permissive quadrant do a lot right.

You offer loads of time, care, support and encouragement! Brilliant!

However, you struggle to set up and maintain consistent structures; rules, routines, procedures, systems, understandings and expectations.

Instead, you fluff about a lot serving up an easy going, ‘friendshippy’ style.

You’ve replaced ‘relationship and leadership’ with ‘BEST FRIENDS FOREVER’.

You sense your style is problematic. But, you’re comforted by the compassion you show.

You understand your students. You know the challenges they face.

And that’s why you’re their most fervent supporter.

Sadly, you carry THAT ‘faulty logic’ and it gets in the way of compassionate and decisive leadership.

Oh, yes! Anyone who holds students you’ve tucked under your wing accountable for their behaviour will always have you to deal with – whether it be a parent, the school principal or a dear well-meaning colleague.

Interestingly, you do notice the way your SPECIAL students – let’s call them your PETS - push at the boundaries every so often, and it is annoying.

Your way to tackle this is to ignore, make an excuse for their behavious, then use humour to diffuse it and ignore and ignore.

You try to tiptoe around them to keep the peace and maintain relationship.

You haven’t yet grasped why students, and kids in general, push like this.

All kids push to work out where the boundaries lie. It’s what they do. Some need to do it several times each lesson.

They have to push and push to work out how far you’ll let them go and where the limits are.

This is vital dance’ to help them feel secure; it’s all a part of belonging, attaching, fitting in and feeling safe.

Suddenly, when you are pushed too far and feel they’ve violated your friendship - you SNAP!

CLICK

And, as soon as you snap, you become a raging nutter, and jump across into the punitive quadrant.

Your talk turns to a rant. It becomes nasty and your response, revengeful with overblown consequences.

Once your anger and disappointment settles, guilt catches up.

You know that you acted too quickly and said too many damaging comments.

So, you deliver an exaggerated apology for your overblown actions, but it’s all about sucking back up to students.

And, what have we learned over the years about permissive managers whether they be teachers or parents?

That– our own kids and our students - exposed to this swinging situation often end up confused.

They tend to lose what they are really capable of.

The research supports an authoritative management style for most effective communication and superior relationships.

An authoritative style embodies adjectives as; respectfulness, leadership, relational, mutual, influential, decisive, reliable, trustworthy, solid, emotionally steady and so on

As an authoritative educator you read and know your students well because you choose to find opportunities to be actively involved in their lives.

You’ll deliberately find time to sit and chat, and you’ll integrate how they feel about a range of things into your management.

You consciously connect and share ideas and feelings with each other.

While you value honest communication and expect cooperative behaviour, you also know that students don’t always get it right. And, when they make mistakes, you’ll let them know – without a ‘told you so’ or ‘stripping them of precious dignity’. You are prepared to walk alongside them offering just enough guidance as it’s needed.

You understand that talk is lost in heated moments – girls hear only 3.2 words and boys just 2.3 words – the window for learning at this time is miniscule.

You understand the balance between building independence, smothering them, offering too much advice and being overly critical.

Instead, you try to interpret what laying beneath the tricky behaviour.

You talk to your class, or your home group using words and phrases such as “us” “our team” “we” and “our group,” “our class” “our school” encouraging that unity is highly prized.

You constantly follow up, revisit and adapt expectations in an emotionally steady manner, giving everyone a say.

Your talk is centred on ways to find improvement, strengthen relationships and ideas to build connections... CLICK

You are ‘mindful’ of effective things you SAY and DO to BUILD relationships with students.

Here’s a RELATIONSHIP Building Exercise that you may like to take back and use with your staff.

If you’re really brave, you could adapt for your students. Perhaps it might read;

What can I DO more of that builds better relationships with you?

And,

What should I be SAYING more of so you know I want a good relationship with you?

What a simple and effective way to receive feedback from students.

Let’s do this.

First, I ‘d like you to spend 5 minutes with your group, and record 10 things we can DO to build relationships with students.

Then, spend another 5 minutes, recording 12 things we can SAY to build relationships with students.

I’ll remind you to swap over after 5 minutes.

Well done. If you want to keep those ideas take photograph of them before you go today!

And, surprise, surprise!

You wouldn’t be surprised that, according to Hattie's research, the influence of teacher-student relationships on achievement falls within the ‘zone of desired effects’ – the very place that tells us what we do makes the most difference!

Kids today are different than we were as students.

They’re less long term goal oriented and are relationship driven, especially about how they see themselves fitting into the group, - and we need to read the signs.

And when the quality of care is fake they pick it up fast, and react accordingly.

Many of our ‘hard to teach’ and ‘hard to engage’ kids crave the ‘human stuff’ from their teachers, and to get it they’ll push buttons in teachers to see the full range of human emotion.

Not because they dislike the teacher, but because they need colour and life in their dealings with teachers and with each other.

They are relationship driven, and their response tells us this.

We need to read the signs, and remember our best work is always done inside relationships with kids.

Nothing is as effective as real, honest, natural everyday connections.

Adults who know themselves, and in their own way are prepared to;

smile, wink, pull a silly face, give a nudge, a dare, a joke, or do a zombie walk, a friendly eye roll, a thumbs up, juggle balls, swallow swords, or give a kind or a reassuring comment encourage humanity.

We are fast learning that relationships in schools have never been so important.

Human connectedness is a forerunner to setting the scene for better learning, as well as a protective factor against alienation, intimidation, discrimination and violence.

Oh yes, kids and adolescents read our intentions and authenticity fast!

Very quickly, they decide how to respond to us.

I have a tip for those of you who are struggling to connect with a particular student.

Find a moment to genuinely engage with them – MAKE yourself - that’s right, step yourself up to be an authentic adult, and orchestrate a moment talk to them, even if it’s for just ONE minute.

Look at them, and be with them in that moment.

Share something from your own life you think they may be interested in, ask for some advice or follow up on something that has occurred.

As you do this, search for something you can find to like about them, or find in common.

You’ll make it because they’ll sense your underlying desire to connect.

Now you’ve started don’t stop! Continue to find opportunities to connect in the future.

Remember, “Children need encouragement when they least deserve it.”

It’s the trickier student who especially needs to hear your encouraging language:

“It is great to see you trying to....” 

“You have improved in.....”

“That really helps when you...” 

“I know you can do this....” 

We need to find words and ways to deliberately connect with them.

As an authorative Manager, you understand the vale of feedback.

There’s feedback we supply to others (often parents and students) – and we’ve learnt the significance of providing truckloads of it phrased positively to help build desired changes.

Then, there’s feedback we arrange about our performance from students and parents – this is powerful in influencing the sort of emotional tone and achievement we desire.

At the start of the year survey parents and ask, ‘What do you think will help your child’s learning?’ 

This immediately gets parents onside! Once they’re onside their kids often follow!

Some teachers begin the year by sending home a questionnaire that asking parents to describe their child’s strengths and challenges.

After all, parents have a wealth of knowledge about their children, and it is to our advantage to tap into this it is truly an investment.

As we attempt to discover –

what the student knows

how they feel about school, their class placement, peers and learning

what they’re looking to understand or achieve

where their challenges and strengths lie

how they learn best

how their learning can be enhanced

where they are likely to make errors

when they become disengaged ... and so on and so on

– then teaching and learning takes on a far more powerful dimension.

Connected teachers know it is the first interaction that counts.

It’s the one that’s imprinted on their social and emotional memory.

Some educators are quick to write an engaging letter to prospective students and parents about themselves and telling what’s planned. This sends a clear message of their openness and desire to make connections.

Teachers who supply their school email address or make a point of gathering the email addresses of parents reassure that communication is welcomed.

Teachers who, after the few weeks of school, send a letter to parents outlining how their child has settled into their new classroom are valued.

CLICK

Staying in touch with parents highlights quality care.

Remember, effective feedback strives to answer 3 questions –

1. “Where am I going?”

2. “How am I going?”

3. “Where to next?”

You want a little more about the power of feedback?

Last month, 55 year old, Dawson Tamatea passed away.

He was a PE teacher and Dean of Student Achievement, and had taught at Palmerston North Boys' High School since the mid 1980’s.

The clip begins with the hearse pulling into the school grounds, but it is stopped in its tracks as almost 2000 students, plus a group of old boys perform, gather to give him some pretty honest feedback.

Pretty powerful stuff.

As it turned out, the boys' performance was less rehearsed and much more impromptu.

A number of people spoke at the service;

His three daughters gave him an award for the BEST DAD, but mentioned he was constantly embarrassing. An old scholar said, “We're celebrating a man that had positively influenced many lives. Mine included.”

One staff member said, "A good teacher is someone who is passionate about working alongside students. Not someone who presents the best lesson." "He taught the boys with respect, with humour and with an uncomfortable honesty.”

Another staff member recalled him reciting ‘his version’ of the school motto to the boys:

"Nothing is achieved without hard work, and in some of your cases, nothing has been achieved.”

Let’s continue in the Authorative quadrant, but first I’d like to change the pace.

Let’s play!

This activity is called, Draw me if you can

I’d like you to get into pairs

One of you will be the communicator

The other is the drawer

Shortly, the communicators will get to see our simple line drawing, but the drawer will not.

The communicator can talk as much as they like to help the drawer draw it, but communicators must keep their hands behind their backs – all they can do is talk to explain to the drawer how to draw the picture, as perfectly as possible.

Okay, drawers it’s time to keep your eyes just on your page, listen to your partner and draw like there’s no tomorrow once they start you off.

Pop your eyes down now as we’ll put the image onto the screen for your communicators to look at

CLICK – image of drawing appears on screen.

Play fair, have fun – Oh? Please be mindful of the feelings you experience!

leave on screen for 20 seconds… CLICK and screen will go blank.

Give them 2 minutes to complete activity.

STOP and CLICK – allow them to both look, assess, laugh and chat

Here’s what I saw….

I saw you smiling, chatting and giggling with each other.

You were doing more than a task

It’s just a reminder that we humans are wired for social connection. When the connection occurs between people, there’s a deep difference to how we feel, how we learn and to our wellbeing.

• When we’re with people we like

• With people who like us

• With people who encourage and believe in us – we grow!

Healthy relationships are all about opportunities to CONNECT, CONTRIBUTE and to feel CAPABLE.

Please allow me to read an email I recently received from a principal.

It highlights the notion of ‘persistence.’

What you’ll gain is that ‘persistence’ is so much more than teaching concept and assessing it.

Hi Mark,

I'm a principal at a tricky primary school in a tricky area.

This is my second year and I have been battling with what I thought was bullying; bullying between parents, bullying between parents and kids, bullying between kids, and some horrible cyber bullying in the upper year levels. Staff have spoken to kids and continue to speak to kids, but it’s never ending! We’ve had the police in several times to do talks. The kids always respond well in that moment, but it doesn't stick. In desperation I starting suspending students like a crazy mad woman and took a zero tolerance stance.

It hasn’t worked!

In greater desperation, I asked Mel Greig in to present to our oldest students. You might remember that Mel is the ex-radio presenter who made a prank call where she posed as the Queen. This prompted a distressed hospital nurse, who took the call in London, to take her own life. Mel provided a great session for the kids. They listened intently to the message about honest and fair communication, but I suspended four kids the next day for bullying. Zero tolerance and motivational high profile guest speakers aren’t the answer either.

Then, it dawned on me. Yes, a light bulb moment!

We don’t have bullies. Sure, some bullying occurs.

But, what we have are kids and parents who are immature and inept; socially and emotionally. We have an ever increasing number of children beginning school without the necessary social and emotional skills to relate to, and be part of a group. They aren’t playing at home with the family, playing in the park with friends, or playing at all! They spend hours in solitary spaces on their electronic games, on the internet and on Instagram or whatever the latest social media site is. They don't even interact as a family at dinner time, and instead, retreat to their own space with their own screen and eat alone. We have an ever increasing number of ‘techno kids’ who don't play and so can’t practise social skills. Then, at the other end of the school, our year 7's are developing physically sooner than ever before. The hormones are raging, but

emotionally and socially these children’s social, emotional and problem solving skills are stunted.

My light bulb moment is a personal revelation.

I now understand why we have to TEACH social and emotional skills, and that we must teach them with the same commitment we’ve traditionally taught the academic skills; every day, using consistent language that will influence thinking. These skills underpin everything about us being together as human beings, and we can’t take for granted that children and parents have these.

My next step is to give social and emotional education a decent priority and profile, and I need to train my staff in how to engage both the kids and their parents in this, day in and day out, and forever.

Also, I want to stop being seen as the crazy mad woman who suspends and suspends and suspends!

The idea to TEACH, COACH and SUPPORT young people socially and emotionally in schools is now part of a growing global movement, and there are 4 key reason why the movement is unstoppable;

1. Social and emotional capabilities are completely teachable.

2. All students - in fact, all human beings - no matter their age or circumstance benefit from being taught ‘Social and Emotional Literacy skills.’

3. The research is clear - the impact of attaching to peers is significant. Without it children are more likely to be at risk from emotional and mental health difficulties later on and we see a greater propensity for future anti-social behaviour.

4. ‘Student mental health’ and ‘engagement in learning’ improves when students are taught ‘Social and Emotional Literacy skills’ at all levels of education – early learners, primary and secondary students. This is now well-established through longitudinal research and by worldwide accepted META-studies.

Let’s wrap up THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW.

There’s an insight into the CHOICES we about authority AND leadership.

• Did you discover which quadrant you largely ‘live in’?

• Do you know why?

• Is it a conscious choice?

• Is it working for you at work?

• Is it working for you at home?

• Do you operate in the same quadrants at home and at work?

• When the pressure is on, and you’re feeling stressed, which quadrant do you default to?

Any discussion?

The best way to learn is to do it – so let’s have a go!

Last activity for the day! Can you give me your best 5 minutes?

Read what’s on screen…..

CLICK

I want you to discuss and debate. While you are only role-playing these management viewpoints be sensitive to the feelings that will be stirred up in yourself and others.

Let’s talk

Did it make you feel as though you were back at work?

Does anyone need to apologise for their behaviour?

Any final comments to round up the day? 

Well, it’s time to close and I have just 4 slides left.

Then, I intend to offer each of you a parting gift.

Well, despite the necessity of school rules, and the perfection some fanciful part of our brain desperately craves, most kids and adolescents simply have to make mistakes and muck up as they grow.

It’s easy to forget. But, it’s what they do as they learn and grow.

We often need reflective moments like this to remind us there will always be conflicts, disagreements, fights, arguments and tension between students (parents and staff too) in the pressure cooker environment of school.

This is the way it is in schools, and the way it is in most groups of human beings who work so closely together.

For those of us who want to engage with students we realise that the child is the child, and the only way forward is to inspire safety and trust through emotional steadiness.

For the trickiest of students, beyond what we’ve touched on today, we’ve got to remember that they attend a school, not a teacher. So everyone needs to get it, share the responsibility and try.

Carl Rogers, once said –

“I spent the first half of my life believing I could ‘fix’ children only to discover that I couldn’t fix anyone.”

Instead, he asked himself a simple question that allowed him to work more effectively, it was –

“How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for their growth, now, or later?”

He reminds us that fabulous modelling, quality relationships, the deliberate building of trust and a few well-placed strategies is all we’ve got!

None of us can fix kids or teens up.

Our experience whispers it is most productive to see these young people as whole, healthy human beings with boundless potential, even though it may be aimless at the moment.

But, if we fail to see our children’s potentials, we shouldn’t be surprised when they can’t find their own.

The other part of being ‘savvy’ is displaying sensitivity towards your students’ parents. For many, their journey has been tough.

The truth is, that staff in schools are a natural interface between students and parents.

And, parents often look to educators for emotional steadiness, understanding and advice.

From time to time they will seek you out to ‘off load’ irritations and to find support.

At other times you will become caught up in their fury as they defend their child from the indefensible.

What can we do for parents?

Be empathic, try to step into their shoes.

Thank you for attending today.

I know that you understand you’re the gatekeepers for the wellbeing of your own children, and the students you work with.

You understand that viewing their ‘tricky’ emotion and behaviour through a positive behavioural support lens is more than scratching below the surface of a student’s behaviour. It incorporates our management style, and how this sets us up to respond.

Try to stick in the authoritative quadrant as much as you can, and although it’s tricky it sets us up for the best outcomes.

Remember too, that working with some of our young people in this way will be literally lifesaving for them.

I applaud your commitment and understanding that there is not a ‘one-size fits and fixes all’ for the kids that we work with.

Thank you for attending today!

To close I have your gift!

A Group Weather Massage

A Group Weather Massage is an ideal therapeutic approach to invite sensory de-stress, and most children thoroughly enjoy it!

For those who are not keen to participate allow them to watch.

Just watching the group following the instructions and receiving a massage from one another is, to some degree, of restorative value itself.

Observers are usually keen to join in the next time!

Instructions

Arrange participants so they are standing or sitting in a circle, facing in a clockwise direction.

This means that each student is facing the back of the child standing in front of them. Next ask them to move a little closer to one another so they can easily touch the back of the person in front of them without having to stretch too far.

Ask everyone to listen carefully and do exactly as you say because the group massage is about to begin! Remind them to be caring so the person they are massaging enjoys the experience. Let’s begin ...

Using a strong voice, begin the story; "Once upon a time there was a big yellow sun..."Follow up with a gentler voice and give the accompanying instruction; "Place one hand on person’s shoulder in front of you and use the other to firmly rub a large circle on their back to make the big yellow sun."

Strong voice; "... the big yellow sun warmed the whole world."Gentler voice to carry the next instruction; "With both hands draw sunrays on the person’s back shooting out from around the sun travelling across the back."

Strong voice; "Suddenly clouds appear and cover the big yellow sun."Gentler voice; "Make small circles with the pads of fingers on both hands."

Strong voice; "Then, the wind comes along and blows, harder and harder ..."Gentler voice; "Repeatedly, pull hands together right across the person’s back."

Strong voice; "... it builds and builds and the wind turns into a whirlwind."Gentler voice; "With both hands begin at shoulders and make swirling ‘twirling- strokes’ with finger pads and gradually work down the back."

Strong voice; "Then came the lightening."Gentler voice; "Make zig-zaggy lightening run across their back with your finger tips."

Strong voice; "... and thunder."Gentler voice; "Pat both hands over and over on the back."

Strong voice; "... then came the rain."Gentler voice; "With both hands use index fingers to stroke down from the shoulder."

Strong voice; "And, it rained harder and harder..." (Continue, and go faster)

Strong voice; "... until the rain turned to hail."Gentler voice; "Change your finger tip movement to quick, but gentle poking of the back."

Strong voice; "Suddenly, the wind stopped and it began to snow, and everything became blanketed in soft white snow."Gentler voice; "Push and pat the back lightly with open hands. Keep going.“

Strong voice; "The only thing to see was the black cat that climbed on to the roof of the house. She wanted to see what was going on. She was followed by her kitten, and by another and another."Gentler voice; "Make one hand climb from lower back up to the shoulders just as if it were a cat climbing up on to the roof. Once your hand reaches their shoulder roll it over from ‘palm’ to ‘back of hand’ as if one of the cats were flopping down to rest. Do one cat at a time. Remember, there are four cats altogether“

Strong voice; "Finally, the fog appeared. Everything becomes still and quiet."Gentler voice; "Lay both hands flat on the upper back.“

Strong voice; "Then, the big yellow sun comes back out. It burns the cold fog away and warms up the Earth once again so everyone can go about their day."Gentler voice; "As in the beginning, place one hand on shoulder and use the other to rub a large circle on the back to make the big yellow sun."

Author unknown, but thank you!

And, thank you.