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Topic 3: How-to build a successful ‘in school’ Mentoring Program,

Mark Le Messurier, Slide 1

Welcome back!

I’ve been asked to unpack the mentoring programme I designed and developed for the South Australian Catholic sector about 8 years ago.

Since then, the program that has also been picked up in Catholic, state and independent schools throughout Australia.

In fact, it now runs in school districts in the United States and in New Zealand as an adjunct to support disadvantaged and ‘at risk’ students.



I want to dedicate this topic to Kurt Bosecke. He is my client, and I have mentored him for some time. His artwork is prodigious and striking and it’s showcased in the slides.

His parents wanted you to have a little background…

Kurt was diagnosed with autism at 3 years. He’s almost 18 now.

He started drawing very early on and we saw that drawing was soothing to him and helped made sense of a confusing world. He continues to draw for several hours every day – you can imagine the amount of paper and textas we go through? All donations are always gratefully accepted!

Kurt’s always liked to carry his favourite drawings in a big black portfolio, and the drawings HAVE TO BE in a certain order, and “woe betide you” if you pulled them out and replaced them in the wrong order!

Kurt is a sociable, gentle soul with a beautiful nature. He’s funny and cheeky, and loves to have a joke. He’ll often do his Mr Bean impersonation which makes us laugh.

He has an older brother, but for a long time the boys were strangers living in the same house. Only recently they’ve started to connect, and it is delightful to hear them talking to each other. Kurt will now ask Liam how his day has been at University.

Although we choose not to see his Autism as a disability, living with it has been a struggle on many fronts. The one positive is that it’s made us more patience and tolerant others. We see him, and his friends, as people who are innocent and pure. They have not cultivated the ‘bravado’ that many of us have had to grow, to navigate the complex social world – they are who they are. Their honesty and naivety makes them a joy to be with.

It has been especially challenging over the last year with Kurt becoming more and more aware of his Autism. He now sees that he’s different and this has caused him a lot of anxiety. It’s all a work in progress.

He’s a talented Artist, and we are very proud of his achievements. Lately his artwork is showing a variety of facial expressions on the characters he creates – which for an autistic person is huge. We think he has a great future at TUTTI Visual Arts.



Okay, I’m going to be mean. I want to catch you out just as you're feeling satisfied by lunch and not as alert as you were!

So, what is a mentor?

What does a mentor do?

To help work this through grab this hand-out and discuss it with one or two others at your table.

I’ll give you a few minutes to prioritize what a good MENTOR might do.

Good luck!



So, what is the role of a mentor?

Should we each cling tightly to the same priorities?

Which ones matter most?

And, which ones are best avoided?

A mentor straddles between being a role model, a sponsor, an encourager, an advisor, a guide, a coach and a counsellor. Whether the mentor’s style is supportive and nurturing, or challenging and stretching, a mentor cares about their mentee.

The goal isn’t to ‘fix up’ anyone, nor is it to become a student’s ‘best friend forever’.

Mentors are not expected to replace the professional input of psychologists, counsellors, psychiatrists and so on. Skilled health professionals will of course continue to be required in some instances.

Mentors work towards improving a student’s school experience.

And, as the relationship grows goals to work towards become very evident and they may range from anything written on the screen to providing additional learning support in reading, spelling or numeracy to assisting older student explore career paths.

The focus remains on providing a trusting relationship.



As we all know – many things have changed for children within our school population.

International and Australian data tells us that their needs are becoming more complex, and much earlier on.

Mental health concerns are high on the agenda.

There are significant numbers of students who live stressful lives.

And, when we look at many of the children and teens on the Autism Spectrum we see the trouble they have with ‘social cognition’. This makes everyday life a challenge. By virtue of having to struggle so hard every day these souls are more prone to mental health difficulties.

Here lies the need to be more emotionally connected and responsive to students, especially those on the spectrum.

A mentoring program offers just this framework – a much closer and deliberately developed personal network.

In the beginning we targeted students who presented us with the most obvious challenges. You know – THAT CLASSIC BOY BEHAVIOUR – explosive anger, ranting, aggression and hypersensitivity.

And, early on we targeted primary schools.

But, it wasn’t long before we saw the girls and boys who quietly battle anxiety, shyness, shame, sadness, depression, peer isolation, despair or inadequacy.

It wasn’t long before secondary staff saw great value in the programme for their students too.

Little did we know that this program would become a seriously quiet achiever to companion students in need of that little extra care and encouragement – in primary and secondary schools – and, reach to other countries as well



The ‘Mentoring Program is not a formally funded or resourced program.

It flourishes due to the goodwill of staff, and the noticeable positive impact it has had on ‘vulnerable’ children and teens.

However, we’ve seen leadership teams and staff find creative solutions to release staff members.

Sometimes mentors are released from a duty or a responsibility so they can have their weekly mentoring session with their mentee.

Mentors in secondary situations take on mentorship in exchange for slightly under loaded lessons.



To date we’ve trained 100’s educators and staff who work in schools.

These include; teachers, librarians, ESO’s, school counsellors, deputy principals, principals, office staff and grounds personnel - any staff member who has a willingness to invest a little time and care with students identified with learning, social, emotional or behavioural difficulties.

Indeed, mentoring is not rocket science, but it’s reached hundreds, perhaps thousands of students who rely on that higher level of connection and guidance.



The program is a relationally based, ‘protective’ programme.

It is a one-to-one (teacher to student) encouragement program for students from lower primary to upper secondary school.

Mentors plan to mentor their student for a year.

And, when the relationship results in obvious benefits the relationship is extended.

The aim is for an adult to pair up with a student each week, 30 to 40 minutes, who requires coaching and support.

Essentially, the mentoring exchange allows staff to track, guide and intervene before issues reach a critical point.



The recipe is simple.

A way is found to release the mentors each week , regardless of their role in a school, so they can meet with their mentee.

Catch ups always take place at school.

Certainly, mentors work in diverse ways with students.

They’ll negotiate together what they might do. Often, they do things as;

Gardening schoolwork and tuition cooking sewing dancing practice a sporting skill make puppets, rubber band wrist bands, jewellery or play dough for younger

children painting flowerpots film making, especially stop animation

And, this happens as the student and their mentor simply talk – it’s conversationally based.

Conversations often target, ‘how-to’ help kids make better choices.

This could be a time to gently teach ‘how-to’ say “sorry”. The word “sorry” can be difficult for many to say. This is a perfect situation to brainstorm and role-play ‘how-to’ do “sorry”.

Similarly, it a wonderful moment to teach kids ‘how-to’ show empathy– such a prized tool in one’s social repertoire.

Some of our mentors use this time to teach their mentee how-to read voice, body and face

They might look at a short film, a sitcom or a series of images together. Then they ask their mentee, what’s happening? What do you think they are saying? How do you think they’re feeling. Who was the victim? Who was at fault? How do you know? What could you do to help if you were there?

Kids on the spectrum need this kind of practice.

Good mentors teach kids how-to think more flexibly.

The natural style for the kids with ASD is to think their way - literally. Begin with exploring sayings and clichés –

Has the cat got your tongue?Easier said than done.Every dog has his day.

Stick it on the table

Pick up your feet

I mentor Ruben, and I can give you three examples of where mentoring helped break down those his inflexible insights;

The first happened in year 7 when Ruben explained to me that there was NO WAY he was going on the school camp. I asked him why. He thrust the glossy campsite brochure at me and said, “Just read it!” Then just as quickly he grabbed it back. ‘No, no! I’ll read it to you,” he said. He scanned through the blurb and started to read the offending part. It read, “This resilience building camp boasts a range of activities that will change you forever.” He stopped and threw the brochure down in disgust. He looked at me and said, “How dare they. I don’t want to be changed forever. I’m fine the way I am. I like who I am. How arrogant to take people away and change them. I’m not going!”

Then, when Rubes was in year 9 he refused to participate in a maths test, yet maths was his favourite subject and he always did well. I asked him why and his answer gave great clarity. “It’s my teacher, and what he said,” he explained, “two days ago he has the whole class making ‘cheat sheets’ ready to use them in the test. Do you get this, the teacher secretly helping everyone to pass the test by making them cheat off sheets with the maths formulas on them? I’m not doing it. I won’t do the test either. I’m not going to cheat.”

We sorted it. Needless to say, we now refer to them as ‘formula sheets.’

Ruben is now in year 11. Recently he had an assignment for Legal Studies and he chose a particular case.His dad organised an interview with the Barrister who was involved in the case, and Ruben was going along to ask questions.

Everything was looking great.

He’d organised a set of questions four days prior to meeting. Virtually a first! His dad is really happy that Ruben is taking the opportunity seriously. He tells him this and while they’re chatting dad says, “Now Rube you’ll also need to have a conversation with the Barrister, not just ask a series of questions.”

Ruben replies, “What? So you want me to make him my friend?”

Dad says, “No, I want you to have a conversation and ask the questions too, its not necessary for you to make friends.”

Ruben says, “But that's how you make friends, by having conversations.”

Dad says, “Who told you that?”

Ruben says, “ Mum did. I remember she told me that when I was 5. You make friends by having conversations.”



So, I have a personal question for you!

Who inspired any one of your transformations in your life?

Can you recall a person – a teacher, a relative, a family friend - who had a positive impact on you?

What did they say or do?

• How did they gently build your belief in yourself?

• How did they plant optimistic seeds?

• How did they approach the tough conversations with you when they needed to?

Someone whose mentorship, planned or casual, made a difference.

Someone who simply delved a little deeper into what your world was like and gradually shared some insights from their world with you - a wise guide who passed on new ways to look at ourselves and the world.

Someone who took the time to follow up, to see how we were incorporating new information, how we were interacting and we were progressing.

What appears consistent is that the mentee felt their mentor believed in them, and was able to help them find a way forward as they discovered a little more about themselves.

As a result, they often had a big impact on the way we saw ourselves and viewed the world.

Many of us can recall someone - a mentor - someone whose leadership and support made a difference to us.

Can I ask you to share who this may have been, and how it happened with those at your table?



WAIT FOR THE DISCUSSION AT TABLES

Did you recall an adult who had a positive impact on you?

Looking back, do you consider them a mentor?

My belief is that it doesn’t take much to make a big difference to a child.

Relationship is eminently powerful.

What’s probably consistent is that you felt your mentor believed in you.

In all probability the person that made a difference was the one who took the time and showed an interest to make a personal connection with you.



Everything revolves around the quality of relationship.

Nothing is as effective as real, honest, natural everyday connections.

Adults who know themselves and are confident in themselves.

Adults who are prepared to genuinely smile, wink, pull a silly face, give a nudge, a dare, a joke, or do a zombie walk, a friendly eye roll, a thumbs up, juggle balls, swallow swords, or give a kind or a reassuring comment encourage humanity.

Sometimes the pressure of managing and keeping up at home and at school in takes a toll, and gets in the way of maintaining a healthy relationship, especially with our trickier young people who need precious moments with key adults to build credit in into their emotional bank balance



Oh yes, they’re read our intentions and authenticity fast!

Very quickly, they decide how to respond to us.

Hey, educators, I have a tip for those of you who are struggling to connect with a particular student.

Find a moment to genuinely engage with them – make yourself - that’s right, step up and be an authentic adult, and orchestrate a moment talk to them, even if it’s for just a minute.

Look at them, and be with them in that moment.

Share something from your own life you think they may be interested in, or ask for some advice.

As you do this, search for something you can find to like about them, or find in common.

You’ll make it because they’ll sense your underlying desire to connect.

Now you’ve started don’t stop! Continue to find opportunities to connect in the future.

And, what about if you’re a parent?

Well, exactly the same applies.

Remember, “Children need encouragement when they least deserve it.”

Remember, it’s the trickier child in your family who especially needs to hear your encouraging language:

“It is great to see you trying to....” “You have improved in.....” “That really helps when you...” “I know you can do this....”

We need to find ways to build credits and deliberately connect them that they, ‘can do.’



Here’s a RELATIONSHIP Building Exercise I’ve long used with mentors in training, and with educators in general.

If you like it, feel free to steal it and take back to do with your team or staff.

It’s a great way to get everyone on the same page

• Divide a whiteboard or a large sheet of butchers paper in half.

• Put - What do we DO that builds positive relationships with students and between students? on the LHS (the positive side)

• Then, put What do we DO with students and between students that has the potential to damage relationships? on the RHS (the negative side)

• Spend 5 to 10 minutes with your team freely and candidly brainstorming – no holds barred; just go for it!

Next, rate the most harmful behaviours from the negative list. Rate the most negative behaviour as 1 and continue. Healthy discussions are essential – so feel free to get everyone talking!

Finally, go the positive behaviour list and choose your top 5.

Once again, aim to get everyone talking as healthy discussions are pivital to change!

This exercise frames the importance of relationships and that there are a range of things we can do if we choose to.



A question asked is, “What does mentoring actually look like?”

“What will my mentee and I look like and do together?”

What it might ‘begin like’ will be influenced by your style, your student’s personality and their perceived needs.

And, what it might look like down the track will be different again – it is an evolving process.

A great way to help you to visualise and understand the possibilities is to introduce you to 2 fabulous mentors.

I’d like to warmly welcome Linda and Mel.

Both work at St Augustine's Parish School at Salisbury and share the Special Education Coordinator’s role. Mel is also the school counsellor.

What they have ticking over at school is a highly sustainable school based mentoring program that will be of immense interest to you.

I’ve asked them to join us to SHOWCASE their spin on the program.

Please give Linda and Mel a warm welcome.



Let’s wrap up.

A series of credible studies rate the value of mentorship as one of the most developmentally important relationships any human being might engage in.

Increasingly, this special relationship is being recognised as a steadying, revitalising treatment for students dealing with learning problems, anxiety, social issues, behavioural difficulties, disadvantage, disability and immaturities.

Our program continues because the data collected tells us it’s making a difference. You’ve witnessed this first hand, and with such clarity, from Mel and Linda’s case study from St Augustine’s.

We see decreases in the reactive and explosive types of behaviours - and remember - high numbers of the students in the program are identified with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, a learning disability and are of course, on the spectrum.

We are sure that their steadier approach reflects a stronger sense of connection, and a better grasp on their place in the school world.

What do students say about being mentored? I have some quotes for you.

"My mentor and I talk about how I could do better. That makes me want to try.“

"I call my mentor my second chance. Before we started to make plans I was thinking about leaving school.”

“I didn’t think I was important enough to have a mentor.”

What do parents say?

"Just talking to his mentor has helped us sort things out at home. She’s as important to me as she is to my son.“

"As soon as my daughter and her mentor started talking about her friendship problems they started to untangle.”

“My son’s mentor takes an interest in how he’s going. He likes to make his mentor proud.”

“He’s happier with things at school now. He feels like there’s someone to listen to him”

CLICK

Beyond the support and motivation staff provide to students – the programme has also impacted – humanely – to influence school cultures.

Creating a one on one opportunity to be part of a student’s world changes an educator forever. They can’t help become far more sensitive to the hidden obstacles children face.

Hey, the truth is – despite an abundance of ‘positive behaviour workshops all around Australia all of the time - that the promotion of ‘truly positive behaviours in students’ is still a delicately emerging concept in Australian schools.

We must do all we can to nurture compassion within schools.



This is the perfect moment to introduce a ‘mood lift’ – also called change-ups, or energizers!

Energizers refresh kids and adults alike!

This one is for adults …

It’s the HAWAIIAN SALUTE …

Got a letter from Grandma the other day.

She writes …

Dear Friend,

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a “honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I’m glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about The Lord and how good He is … and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked. I’d never had noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leant out of his window and screamed. “For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!”

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leant out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a “sunny beach” … I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well I’ve never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leant out of the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing .. he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended. This is when I noticed that the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed. I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed down, leaned right out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love, Grandma

The Gawler Foundation. PO Box 77 Yara Junction Victoria. 3797

What a lovely parody on miscommunication.

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