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Communicating with Your Teen

Presented by Kristin Lowe

• Former international school teacher, now working in adult learning

• Background in education and counseling

• Mom of 3 kids at WAB: Emi (gr. 9), Quinn (gr. 7) and Gigi (gr. 4)

+Today’s Agenda

• Introductions & Objectives

• Book Recommendations

• Listening So Teens Will Talk

• Talking So Teens Will Listen

+The One-Minute Intro

• Name

• Ages of your kids

• What are your strengths when communicating with your teen?

• What do you hope to get out of this session?

+Book Recommendations

+Listening So Teens Will TalkActive Listening

+Degrees of Listening

Quality of Interaction

Combative Listening

Passive Listening

Active Listening

What are we listening for when we listen in these ways?

When do we listen like this with our teens?

Copyright © Simitri Group International

+Exercise: Passive Listening

Listening in Pairs…

While listening to your partner talk about his / her hobby,

• You cannot move…

• You cannot make any noise…

• You cannot show interest…

+Listening Tips & Hints

• Ask questions

• Think from the other person’s perspective

• Use encouraging words

• Be physical (show you are paying attention)

• Be in the moment (echo, paraphrase, reflect)

+Be in the Moment

Echo

Paraphrase

Reflect

“Why do you always have to come to my games?”

“Your games…”

“You don’t like having us there for all the games.”

“Hmmm… I imagine you’d probably like to do some things on your own, without us always tagging along.”

Copyright © Simitri Group International

+Exercise: Active Listening

Listening in Pairs…

While listening to your partner talk about his / her hobby,

• Use encouraging words

• Be physical

• Be in the moment (echo, paraphrase, reflect)

+Role Play

In groups of four…

• One person is the teen

• One person is the parent

• Two people are observers

Think of a situation in which you struggled to communicate effectively with your teen.

• 3 minutes to plan

• 3 minutes to role play – focus on active listening

• 3 minutes review and debrief • What worked well? • What could have been better?

+How to Talk So Teens Will ListenAsking Questions

+Questions vs. Statements

“Why do you always have to come to my games?”

• What would you feel?

• What would you want to say? (statements)

• What would happen if you said that?

+Questioning Model

Copyright © Simitri Group International

What Which

Why

+Questioning Tips & Hints

• Plan several topics in advance

• Follow a line of thought

• Don’t answer your own question

• Give your teen time to think

• Ask a follow-up question

• Stop talking

+Role Play

In groups of four…

• One person is the teen

• One person is the parent

• Two people are observers

Think of a situation in which you struggled to communicate effectively with your teen.

• 3 minutes to plan

• 3 minutes to role play – use the questioning model

• 3 minutes review and debrief • What worked well? • What could have been better?