SOCIAL

WELLBEINGThe Strong Staff Program

For Spiral Inc

Mitch Lawrie M.Ed, ASCH, CDAA

Wellbeing Educator & Consultant

www.YourStaffWellbeing.com.au

Mitch Lawrie M.Ed, ASCH, CDAA

Wellbeing Educator & Consultant

www.YourStaffWellbeing.com.au

Remember… Isolated

1. Remember a time you were isolated for a long time. How did you feel?

2. Pair up with someone next to you and share the experience (2 minutes each)

Remember… Connected

1. Remember a time you really connected with someone and it had a major impact on them or you

2. Share the experience with the person next to you (2 minutes each)

Why Today is Important

There are two types of people… and the difference get’s clearer with age!

Your choice!

Research with a Sample of 222

University Students

• The crucial factor shared by “the 10% of

students with the highest levels of happiness

and the fewest signs of depression were their

strong ties to friends and family and

commitment to spending time with them.”Source: Diener & Seligman 2002

People need People!

We are “social creatures”

Social relationships crucial to Wellbeing

including your physical & mental health

• Social much more important than financial to happiness

• Quality of your relationships = Quality of your life

Source: Diener 2005

How do we get good at relationships?

Simple… just:

• Win friends…Don’t criticise, condemn, or complain. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

• Influence people…Show respect for other’s opinions. When you are wrong, admit it quickly.

Published 1936

It’s NOT so easy!

We all over-estimate our social skills

TIP: Outer Wellbeing (social) is built on

your foundation of Inner Wellbeing

SPIRITUAL

EMOTIONAL

PHYSICAL

MENTAL

Inner Wellbeing Outer WellbeingCreative

Wellbeing

Workplace

Wellbeing

Financial

Wellbeing

Home

Wellbeing

Community

Wellbeing

• Find your bigger purpose

- align all with deep values

• Find your bigger purpose

- align all with deep valuesSPIRITUAL

• Be aware & choose your

focus wisely

• Be aware & choose your

focus wiselyMENTAL

• Accept all emotions,

foster positive ones

• Accept all emotions,

foster positive onesEMOTIONAL

• Listen to & care

for the body

• Listen to & care

for the bodyPHYSICAL

Key Principles

YourStaffWellbeing.com.au/welcome-Spiral

Suggested

“Ground Rules”

• Respect for everyone – a diversity of views is useful

• Confidentiality

• Mobile phones off

• Love questions… But there’ll be question times

• And remember... Time is precious. Keep it concise… and honour break times

• Silence signal

TIP: Stand Strong to feel Strong• Your body shapes your

feelings just as much as

your feelings influence

your body

• Use a confident body

posture to feel confident…

don’t wait until you feel it!

• “Power Poses!”

Questions??

TIP: Laugh

• One of the best things humans can do

together is laugh! Laugh at the world…

laugh at yourself

• “Life is deep:

shallow up.”

Make Me Laugh Activity!

• Person in the centre walks up to someone in the circle and says, “G day Wonderful”

• Other person says, “Honey I Love You, But You Just Can't Make Me Laugh” while keeping a straight face.

• If they do smile or laugh they become the person in the centre of the circle.

• If the person in the centre can’t get them to smile or laugh she or he goes on to another attempt with someone else in the circle.

Conflict is Human

• If you are human you will

misunderstand others and be

misunderstood(eg. “Transparency Illusion”)

• If you are human you are both

good and bad

• Good

• Strong

• Brave

• Kind

• Smart

• Selfless

• Bad

• Weak

• Scared

• Cruel

• Stupid

• Selfish

All of us

“And”

NOT

“Or”

Parts act like distinct sub-personalities

. . . basic states of mind are

clustered into specialized selves.

Each person has many such

interdependent and yet distinct

processes which exist over time

with a sense of continuity that

creates the experiences of mind. - Dan Siegel, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry

at the UCLA School of Medicine

Beneath the Surface of Conflict

Core (spirit) – complete openness

to receive & express love

Painful experiences – isolation,

disappointments, rejection, abuse

Resulting surface “masks”

– ways of coping with the world

Questions??

Interaction Styles Activity

1. Sub-personalities show up as dominant interaction styles

2. Helps relationships to understand yours

3. Choose animal you are most like

4. List why your animal is so good

5. One person report to whole group

Doing & Scoring the Inventory

3 5 2 (= 10)

1 6 3 (= 10)

0 5 5 (= 10)

4 16 10

Interaction Styles Activity

• All People Have A Characteristic Interaction Style

• Interaction Styles Indicate Values And Needs

• All Interaction Styles Have Strengths

• All Interaction Styles Have Weaknesses

• Weaknesses Are Strengths Used To Excess

• Under Stress, Styles May Change

RED HOT LION

(Assertive -Directing Style)Characteristics:

• Likes To Control And Get Things Done Through Others

• Likes To Compete And Win

• Dislikes Gullibility And Indecisiveness

• Views Self As Needing To Be More Considerate

Strengths Weaknesses

Ambitious <----------------------------------------------------------------> Ruthless

Competitive <-------------------------------------------------------------> Combative

Self-Confident <----------------------------------------------------------> Arrogant

Forceful <------------------------------------------------------------------> Dictatorial

COOL GREEN FOX

(Analytic- Autonomising Style)Characteristics:

• Likes To Be Independent And Self Sufficient

• Values Planning And An Orderly Approach

• Dislikes Emotionalism; Respects Logic, Facts And Wisdom

• Views Self As Needing To Be More Trusting And Considerate

Strengths Weaknesses

Analytic <-----------------------------------------------------------------> Nitpicking

Cautious <----------------------------------------------------------------> Suspicious

Methodical <-------------------------------------------------------------> Rigid

Fair <-----------------------------------------------------------------------> Unfeeling

WARM BLUE ST. BERNARD

(Altruistic- Nurturing Style)Characteristics:

• Likes Being Genuinely Helpful

• Cares About Other's Feelings And Well-Being

• Dislikes Selfishness And Anger

• Views Self As Needing To Be More Assertive

Strengths Weaknesses

Supportive <------------------------------------------------------------> Submissive

Trusting <----------------------------------------------------------------> Gullible

Adaptable <-------------------------------------------------------------> Spineless

Optimistic <-------------------------------------------------------------> Impractical

Interaction Styles Activity1. Now write your predictions at top – normal and

under stress

2. Column 1 = St Bernard 2 = Lion 3 = Fox

3. Share your result with person next to you

4. Now go the sign of the style you are normally

5. List and report advantages of this style

6. Move to the style you are under stress

7. List and report disadvantages under stress

Questions??

Conversations on Connection

1. Get in a group of 4 & discuss…

2. What is the most important thing you

have learnt from life about relationships?

TIP: Minimise negative interactions

• Impact of negative stronger than positive

• 5 to 1 ratio needed (at least 5 positive to one negative)

• Positive interactions include helping them with

tasks, interesting conversations, expressing affection, giving compliments and doing mutually enjoyable things together

• Keep it real – some negative needed but skillful and

appropriate is important

TIP: Active Constructive Responding

TIP: Remember You Are the Source

REACTIVE PROACTIVE

“I have to…” “I choose to…”

“She made me…” “I am giving her the power”

“I hate it when you…” “I am making you source of

my feelings”

TIP: Forgive

The

Forgiveness

Choice

IncidentPerception or Memory

Continued

SufferingWellbeing

Yes

“Not forgiving someone is

like drinking poison and

expecting the other

person to die.”

No

Basic Forgiveness Process

1. Ensure you are now safe

2. Seek compassion & wisdom from within and, if needed, from others to heal the wound

3. Expand Step 2 to release your feelings about the other

4. Re-focus your life on what is deeply important to you

TIP: When You Stuff Up- Reclaiming Your Integrity

“Rupture & Repair”

1. Own it (be sorry… repent)

2. Say it (say sorry… confess)

3. Repair it (make amends)

4. Get on with it (align with values)

TIP: Believe in Others

The Pygmalion

Effect

Questions??

Strengths Activity

How to Spot Strengths

When using the strength:

• a sense of authenticity ("this is the real me")

• a rapid learning curve

• a yearning to use it

• invigoration rather than exhaustion

Reflect on yourself and the above and write at

least 3 strengths you have on the back of the

page which says “Strengths Others See”.

Strengths Others See Activity

1. Write your name on the top of the Strengths Other See page

2. Place this facing up on your seat or floor

3. Look at where the people you know best are sitting

4. Go find their pages and write what strengths you see in them

Strengths Others See

• Return to your own paper

• Get in groups of about 6 people

• Review and take it in turns to read out what

was written… saying “My strengths include…”

• Others feel free to add strength comments

Key Moments Process

Mindfulness

• What is? What am I feeling? Don’t suppress.

• Notice & accept the situation AND your emotion/stress – it is!

Compassion

• Care for yourself – self soothing. Can I support myself?

• “It’s natural that you feel this way”“No one is on top all the time”

Purpose

• Get Perspective – don’t sweat the small stuff, refocus on your values. What will

matter in a year?

Attunement

• Tune into them. What are they feeling? If they are upset it may help to name it for them: “I can see you’re very angry right now.”

Action

• Take some positive action based on Mindfulness, Compassion Purpose, and Attunement. What is my best option?

Key Moments Process

Mindfulness• What am I feeling?

Compassion• Can I support myself?

Purpose• What will matter in a year?

Attunement• What are they feeling?

Action• What is my best option?

Final Tip

• Don’t wait until you feel like it.

• Will take forever… we tend to run on auto-

pilot

• Think about what is really important than

force yourself to do it! Get out of the comfort

zone before it steals your life!

Questions??

Individual Application

1. Consider who do you want to be… how do

you want to relate to others?

2. Write down 3 new things you will do

differently

3. Get in groups of about 6 people

4. Share with your group

Workplace Application

1. Choose a recorder

2. Our Relationship Ideals – How we strive to be with co-workers and service users

3. Record ideas and suggestions on paper

4. Give to Reece

Appreciation Activity

1. Look around at the people you know

and think of something about them

that you like or appreciate

2. Give them a flower and tell them

from the heart

3. If you receive a flower find someone

you can “pass it forward” to

Questions??

One Last Thing Please… Feedback Form