Refusal Skills Thispublicationwasmadepossible byGrantNumberTP1AH000081-01-01 fromtheDepartment ofHealthandHumanServices,Officeof

AdolescentHealth; itscontentsaresolelytheresponsibility oftheauthorsanddonotnecessarily represent theofficialviews oftheDepartment ofHealthandHumanServices.

What is Peer/Partner Pressure?• Sometimes,ourfriendsorthepersonwearedatingmaypressureustodothingsofwhichwefeelunsure.• Whataresomeexamplesofthingsourfriendsmightpressureusabout?• Whataresomeexamplesofthingsourdatingpartnermightpressureusabout?

Refusal Skills• Ifyouareinasituationwheresomeonepressuresyoutodosomethingthatyoudonotwanttodo,howmightyourespond?• Itisimportantthatwehaveaplanforhowwewanttorespondinhigh-pressuresituations.• Refusalskillstakepractice!• Thenextfewslideswillhelpusbetterunderstandhowwecanrespond.

Stop and Say “No!”• STOP– It’sagoodideatoSTOPwhenyoustarttofeeluncomfortable.IfyouSTOP,youhavetimetotakeadeepbreathandthinkclearlyaboutwhatishappening.• STOPPING isagoodfirststeptowardsaneffectiveconversation.• SAYNO– Don’tassumeyourpartnercanreadyourmind.YouneedtosayNOandsayitlikeyoumean it.Don’tlaugh,sendmixedsignals(bycontinuingtobesexualwhilesayingNO)orpretendlikeit’s“nobigdeal”.• YourpartnershouldrespectyouassoonasyouSTOP andSAYNO.Iftheycontinuestopressureyou,youhaveeveryrighttoleave.

Give a Reason Why• WHY – AfteryousayNOyoucanbepreparedtogiveyourpartnerareasonWHY.Someexamplesmightbe:• I’mjustnotready.• I’mnotreadytobeaparent.• Idon’twanttoworryaboutSTDs.• Ourrelationshipisfinewithoutsex.• Iwanttowait.REMEMBER– It’salwaysoktojustsimplysay,“Idon’twantto!”Thatisenoughofareasonandyourpartnershouldrespectit!

Give a Reason Why . . . You Want to Wait• WAIT – Ifyou’vedecideditisbestforyoutoWAIT,thisisadecisionyoumuststickto,andyourpartnermustrespect.• Youmightdiscusshowlongyouplantostayabstinentandwhatyourboundariesare.(Ex.“Idon’tmindkissing,butI’mwaitingtohavesexuntilI’molder,andmoreready.Ihopeyoucanrespectthat.”)

Avoid the Situation• AVOID – Ifpossible,itisbesttoAVOID situationswhereyoumightbetemptedtohavesex(ex:highpressuretimeslikebeingalonewithyourpartnerordrinking/usingdrugs,whichcanloweryourinhibitions).• ByAVOIDING riskysituations,youarelesslikelytoendupdoingsomethingyou’llregret.

Offer Alternatives• ALTERNATIVES – toshowyourpartneryoucareaboutthemsuggestsomeALTERNATIVES tohavingsex.Someexamplesmightbe:

- Let’sgotothemovies.- Let’shavesomefriendsover.- Let’sgoplayvideogames.- Let’sgoforawalk.

Get Out of an Unsafe Situation• GETOUT– Ifyoufindthatthesituationyouareinisbecomingunsafebepreparedtoleave.• Ifyourpartnerisnotrespectingyourfeelings,continuestopressureyouorisbecomingangryorviolent,youshouldGETOUTasquicklyandsafelyaspossible.Callforhelpifyouneedto.YourboundariesshouldALWAYSberespected.

Go Do Something Fun• GO dosomethingfun– Ifyourpartnerisbeingrespectfulofyourboundariesyoucouldendtheconversationbydoingsomethingyoubothenjoytostrengthenyourrelationship.• Thisconversationcanbeawkward!Doingsomethingfuncanlightenthemood!Youcouldgoouttoeat,seeafunnymovieorjustgoonawalktogether.

S- Stop andSayNo

W- GiveareasonWhy youwanttoWait

A-AvoidthesituationandofferAlternatives

G- GetoutofanunsafesituationorGo dosomethingfun

Ifyougetintoahighpressuresituation,justremember

Using SWAG in non-sexual situations

Remember– youcanuseSWAGtonegotiateoutofanyhighpressure/riskyscenario,notjustsex.

YoucanuseSWAGtosaynotodrinking,drugs,smoking,skippingschooloranything!

StopandSayNo-No,Idon’twanttohavesex!-No,Iwanttowait!-No,Imeanit.Idonotwanttodothis!-Stoppressuringme,Isaidno!WhyYouWanttoWait-I’mnotreadytohandletheadultresponsibility thatcomeswithsex.-Idon’twanttobeaparent.-Ijustdon’twanttohavesex.AvoidtheSituation-Idon’twanttobeinthebedroomwiththedoorclosed.-Canwehangout inagroupsowearen’ttempted?

OfferAlternatives-Let’sgotoamovie.-Let’sgetsomething toeat.GetOut(unsafe/pressurecontinues)-I’mleavingbecauseyouaren’trespectingmydecision.-Ifyoudon’t stoppressuringmeI’mgoing tobreakupwithyou!GodosomethingFun!(safe/respectful)-Thankyouforrespectingme.Iloveyou!Doyouwanttogoout?-Iknowthisconversationwashard.Let’sgotothemallandhangoutforawhile.

SWAGExamples