ReflectionsOfAMan

MR.AMARISOUL

ReflectionsOfAMan

BlackCastleMediaGroup

ReflectionsOfAMan,Copyright©2015byMr.AmariSoul.AllRightsReserved.Printed in theUnitedStatesOfAmerica.Nopartof thisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwithoutthewrittenpermissionexceptforcasesinvolvingbriefquotationsembodied in critical articles and reviews. For additional information, address Black CastleMediaGroup3727WestMagnoliaBlvd.#310,Burbank,CA91505.

FirstEdition

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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDatahasbeenappliedfor.

PaperbackEdition ISBN978-0-9861647-0-5KindleEdition ISBN978-0-9861647-1-2EPUBEdition ISBN978-0-9861647-2-9

Thisbookisdedicatedtomymother.

Mygreatestexampleofwhatagoodwomanis.

CONTENTSCOPYRIGHTCHAPTERSPARTI-FORYOU

MANFACTSTHEWRONGMANAWEAKMANSECRECYVS.PRIVACYTRUSTUNFAITHFULSECONDCHANCESYOUCAN’TCHANGEHIM65WASTEDTIMEHEARTBREAKTHECOURAGETOMOVEONTIMEFORYOUTHEFEAROFSTARTINGOVERBEAUTIFUL,STRONGWOMANSETTINGANEWSTANDARDSOMETHINGSFORYOUTOTHINKABOUT

THERIGHTMAN

PARTII-FORHIM

FROMONEMANTOANOTHERSHEHASHERLIMITSWHATSHEWANTS…WHATSHENEEDS…

PARTIII-FORBOTHOFYOU

MAKINGITWORK

LOVEPASSIONANDROMANCE

PARTIV-MYPERSONALCOLLECTION

PERSONALTHOUGHTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

www.mramarisoul.comwww.facebook.com/mr.amarisoulwww.instagram.com/mr.amarisoulwww.twitter.com/mramarisoulwww.pinterest.com/mramarisoul

Introduction

Thankyou forpurchasing“ReflectionsOfAMan.” It ismysincerehope that thisbookwillbeusedbybothmenandwomentoenhancethequalityoftheirpersonalrelationships.

To the women, I hope this book encourages you to recognize the true value of your love, toreevaluateyourstandards,and tomake thedecision thatyouwillno longersettle foranything lessthansomeonewholovesyou,respectsyou,andtrulymakesyouhappy.

To the men, I hope this book will not only encourage you to want to learn more about theemotionalneedsofawoman,butthatitwillprovideyouwithclearinsightintowhatawomantrulyneedsfromyou,emotionally,tobehappy.

Ibelievethisbookcreatesatruewin-winsituationforbothmenandwomen.Ononehand,womengainanewperspectiveonthetruevalueoftheirlove,raisetheirstandards,andrefusetosettle.Ontheotherhand,menbecomebetterequippedto,notonlyunderstandawoman’semotionalneeds,buttheyarebetterabletomeetorexceedtheirnewstandardsaswell.

-Mr.AmariSoul

PartI

ForYou

CHAPTER

One

MANFACTS

“Thereisnosuchthingasaself-mademan;that’sjustanexampleofamantoocaughtupinhimselftolookaroundandacknowledgethestrengthofthewomanstandingnexttohim.”

WhatMenKnow

“Mostmenknowexactlywhatitwouldtaketomaketheirwomanhappy.They’rejusttoostubborn,tooegotisticalortoolazytodoit.”

Ibelievemostwomen,whohavebeenwiththeirmanforanyreasonableamountoftime,wanttheirmantoknowexactlywhatitwouldtaketokeepthemhappy.Youdropsubtlehints,yououtrightsayit,andwhenyoudon’t,itstillcomesacrossthroughyouractionsandreactions.So,forthemostpart,heshould know. If he knows and still doesn’t do it, it’smost likely because of one of the previouslymentioned reasons. If after all this time he still doesn’t know, he simply hasn’t been paying anyattentiontoyouatall.

AMan’sEgo

“What’smorefragilethanawoman’sheart?Aman’sego.”

Letmeexplain.Whenyoufirstmeetamanandheliestoyouaboutwhathiseconomicstatusisorwhathiscurrentrelationshipstatusis,that’salltoprotecthisego.Yousee,atthatpoint,he’sdecidedthathe’sinterestedinyou,buthisinsecuritiesaretellinghimthatyouwon’taccepthimforwhoorwhathe is.So,hecreatesan illusionofwhohe thinksyouwould likehimtobe, thusreducinghischancesofrejection.However,whenyoulookalittledeeper,it’snottherejectionalonethathefearsmost.Whathefearsthemostisthefeelingthatrejectioncausesandhowthatfeelingimpactshisego.Thatis,infact,hisworstfear.

In the end, some men would be willing to go to any lengths to protect their egos, up to andincludinglyingtoyou,cheatingonyou,andultimatelybreakingyourheart.

WhenHeChangesAroundHisFriends

“Ifhechangesthewayhetreatsyouwhenhe’saroundhisfriends,heeitherhasn’tbeenkeepingitrealwiththemorhehasn’tbeenkeepingitrealwithyou.”

Trueloveremainsconsistentregardlessof thesituationor theenvironment.Ifhetrulylovesyou,hisactionsshouldshowitwhetheryouareinprivate,public,orthecompanyofhisfriends.Infact,whenheisaroundhisfriends,heshouldfeelaheightenedsenseofpridejusthavingyoutherewithhim.Ifhedoesn’t,itcouldmeanhecaresmoreaboutimpressinghisfriendsthanhecaresabouthowyou feel. It’s alsopossible thathe’sbeen lying to themall alongabouthowhe feels aboutyou,ormaybehe’sbeenlyingtoyou.

IfHeDoesn’tIncludeYou

“Amanwhodoesn’tincludeyouwhenhetalksabouthisfuture,eitherisn’tpayingattentionorhedoesn’tseeyouasbeingapartofit.”

Sometimes,thebestwaytogetanhonestanswerisnottoaskthequestiondirectlybutindirectly.Ifyouhavebeenwithyourman,forareasonableamountof time,andyouareunsureaboutwhathisintentionsareregardingyourfuture,askhimthefollowingquestion:Ifyoucouldpaintapictureofhowyourlifewillbeinfiveyears,howwoulditlook?

Heshouldthenbegintodescribetoyouhow,inhismind’seye,heenvisionshislifetolookinfiveyears.You’llnotice thathe’ll talk toyouaboutall the things thatarehisprimaryfocus;youwouldhopethatyouandtherelationshipwouldbeoneofthem.Payparticularlycloseattentiontohowoftenheusestheword“me”or“I”insteadof“us”or“we.”

By the end of the conversation, you should have a pretty good idea of where you stand. Thebeautifulthingaboutitishemostlikelywon’tevenrealizethathewillhaveansweredthebigquestionthatyouneverevenasked.

RelationshipTitleMy“Main”

“Contrarytopopularbelief,thisisnotacompliment.”

Ifhecallsyouhis“main,”thatisnotacompliment.Whatheisessentiallysayingtoyouisthatyouare not the only one.Nine times out of 10, if he calls you his “main,” he has given all the otherwomenheisseeingthesametitleaswell.

Inshort,“mymain”isapolitewayofhimtellingyouthathelikesyouenoughtosleepwithyoubutnotenoughtocommittoyou.

Self-FulfilledProphecy

“Somemenhavesoconvincedthemselvesthatagoodwomandoesnotexistthattheysubconsciouslywillruinarelationship,withagoodwoman,justtoprovethemselvesright.”

If his negative expectations about you are strong enough, those feelings will begin to manifestthemselves in his actions. Eventually, this will cause him to act in a manner that will ultimatelyincreasethechancesofthosenegativeexpectationsbeingfulfilled.

IsHeReally“WillingToWait?

Whenamansaysthathe’swillingtowaituntilyou’reready,itdoesn’tnecessarilymeanhe’swillingto‘“wait.”

Here iswhere thegamechanges.Now, tobe fair, somemenwillhonor thatstatementandnotbeintimatewithanyoneelseduringthis“waitingperiod.”However,thosearen’tthemenI’mreferringtohere.TheonesI’mreferringtohaveadifferentplaninmind.Whattheyplantodoisexactlywhattheysaidtheywoulddo,“waituntilyouareready.”Theproblemisthe“waiting”istieddirectlytoyou and only you, no one else. In short, he’s agreed to not push the issuewith you, thus earningbrowniepointsforappearingnottobeonlyafteronething.

Inyourmind,over thenextfewmonths,you’re thinkinghe’sreally intoyouwhen, infact,he’sjustbidinghistimeuntilyou’rereadytogivehimwhathewants.Meanwhile,his“side”istakingcareofalltheneedsthatyou’vedecidednottoprovide.Yousee,it’seasyforhimtopassondinnerwhenhe’sbeensnackingallday.

So,don’tbefooled.Whenamantellsyouhe’swillingto“wait,”clarifywhathemeansandholdhim to it.Also, during thewaitingperiod, keepyour eyesopen for any subsequent changes inhispatternofbehavior.Thingslikehimnotcomingtoseeyouornotcallingyouasoftenshouldpeak

yourinterest.Additionally,himdisappearingforhoursatatimewithexcuseslike“Ileftmyphone”or“mybatterydied”shouldbewarningsignsaswell.

Aboveall,trustyourintuition;itwilltellyouwhatyouneedtohearandnotnecessarilywhatyouwanttohear.

IsHeComplainingAboutYourStandards?

“Whenamancomplainsofyourstandardsbeingtoohigh,itisusuallybecausehe’susedtodealingwithwomenwhohavenone.”

Somemenhavegottensousedtodealingwithwomenwhohavenostandardsthatoncetheymeetawomanwhodoes, theydon’tknowhowtomake thenecessaryadjustments. Insteadof raising theirlevel of performance, they complain in hopes that you will lower your standards, thusmaking iteasierforthemtoappeartobegoodforyou.

Myadvice is thatyoushouldnever loweryourstandards toaccommodateanyman!Ifhe isnotcapableofmeetingorexceedingthestandardsthatyouhaveset,he’sprobablynottherightmanforyou.

EyeContact

“Amanthatwon’tlookyouintheeyes,eitherisn’tinterestedinhowyouactuallyfeelabouttheconversation,hasconfidenceissues,orishidingsomethingfromyou.”

Eye contact for aman is very important. It is oneof thewaysweestablishourselvesduringourinteractions;it’showweconveyasincerityandseriousnessthatcannotbeexpressedanyotherway.So,foramantoavoideyecontact,itsimplygoesagainstournature.Icanonlythinkofafewreasonsastowhyamanwouldavoideyecontact:(1)heisdisregardingyou,(2)hehasconfidenceissues,(3)he’shidingsomethingfromyou,or(4)he’ssimplylyingtoyou.Eitherway,noneofthesequalitieswoulddoyouwellinyourrelationship.

The4-DigitPasscode

“Theanswerstoallyourquestionsarenotprotectedbyhismanylies,butratherbyatinyglassscreenanda4-digitpasscode.”

I’mjustgoingtoputitoutthere.Iknow,you’llgettheold“ifyoutrustedme,youwouldn’tneedtolookatmyphone”speech;I’vebeenthere,donethatanditworkedlikeacharm.

Thatstatementisdesignedtomakeyoufeelguiltyaboutaskinghimtoconfirmsomethingthatheshouldnothaveaproblemconfirminginthefirstplace.

Inarelationship,youtwoshouldbeonthesamepage.Ifyoucan’tseewhatheseesandhecan’tseewhatyousee,chancesare,you twoareprobablynoton the samepage.Tobehonest,you twomightnotevenbeinthesamebook!

Asasidenote,letmeleaveyouwiththis:Ifyoutwocansharethesamehouse,thesamebed,andthesamebankaccount,howcomehecan’tsharehispasscode?

UltimatumsRarelyWork

“Whenamantellsyouthatheisnotreadytocommit,believehimthefirsttime.Youcan’tconvincehimthatheisready.Youwillonlybefoolingyourself.”

Ifyoueverfindyourselfinthefollowingsituation,stopforaminuteandthink…Youaredatingamanandyouwantthingstomovetothenextlevel(commitment);however,he

sayshe’snot readyyet.You then tellhim ifhecan’tcommit,you’removingon. Ifhecomesrightbackandsays,“Okay,I’mreadytocommit,”becareful.He’sstillnotreadytocommittoyou;hejustdoesn’twanttoloseyouorseeyoucommittedtosomeoneelse.

Anytimeamanagreestoacommitmentafterbeinggivenanultimatum,beleery.Hewashonestinthebeginning,butnowhefeelslikehewillloseyouifhedoesn’tsaywhatyouwanttohear.That’snotthekindofcommitmentyouwant.Youwantittobeadecisionhemakesforhimselfbecausehewantsitandnotonewherehefeelslikehewasforcedintomakingit.

Intheend,ultimatumsmaygetyouwhatyouwantintheshortterm,butastimepassesyou’llseethat he can’t keep up the act forever. Slowly but surely you’ll begin to realize that youmay havechangedhiswords,butheneverchangedhismind…nowwhat?

WhenHeStopsDoingTheSmallThings

“Whenhetextsyou,he’sthinkingaboutyou.Whenhecallsyou,hemissesyou.Whenheshowsup,hewantsyou.

Whenhesuddenlystopsdoingalloftheaboveforyou,he’sdoingitforsomeoneelse.”

HisFearOfBeingHurt

“Sometimes,theproblemisn’tthathecannotgiveyoulove,theproblemliesinhisinabilitytoletgoofthefearofbeinghurtlongenoughtoacceptyourlove.”

Thinkaboutthisforamoment;whenyougivelove,youcontrolhowyoufeelaboutit;whenyou’reon the receiving end of love, those emotions are much harder to control. That’s how you findyourselffallinginlovewithsomeonewithouteverintendingtodoso.

Forsomemen,they’refineaslongasthey’regivinglove.That’sbecausetheycontrolthatfeeling.However,whenyoustarttogiveitbackandhebeginstofeellikeheislosingthatcontrol,sometimeshewillbackaway,outofthefearofbeinghurt.Notbecausehedoesn’tcareforyou,butbecausethefeelingofbeingvulnerableandnotincontrolofhisfeelingsscareshim.

SelfishVersusSelflessMan

“Aselfishmanwouldratheryoubeunhappywithhimthantoseeyouhappywithsomeoneelse;however,amanwholovesyouselflessly,he’llsetyoufree.Notinhopesthatyouwouldsomedaycome

back,butinhopesyouwouldbefoundbyamanthatcouldbeallthethingshecouldn’tbe.”

NOTES:

CHAPTER

Two

THEWRONGMAN

Hecouldbea“goodman”andstillnotbethe“rightman”foryou.

HowCouldSomeoneSoRight,BeSoWrong?

“Hecouldhavetherightface,therightsmile,withtherightjob,makingtherightamountofmoney,butifhedoesn’tloveandrespectyou,he’sstillthewrongmanforyou.”

Make surewhenyoudecide togive amanyour time,you’redoing it for the right reasons. Justbecausehelooksniceordrivesanicecar,doesn’tmeananythingifhedisrespectsyouandtreatsyoulikeyoudon’tevenexist.Youhavetobeabletolookpastthesuperficialthingsandfocuson“whoheis” rather than“whathe is”or“whathehas.”Otherwise,youmight findyourselfwithahandsomemanwhoisneverhomeandafullcloset,butanemptyplaceinyourheartwherehisloveshouldbe.

MakingHimWaitWon’tMakeHimABetterMan

“Ifhe’sthewrongman,havingarulethatsaysyouwon’thavesexwithhimbefore“X”amountofdayswon’tchangehim.Attheendofthewaitingperiod,he’llstillbethesamewrongman.”

When he’swrong, he’swrong; timewon’tmagicallymake him right.All youwill be doing ispostponingyourinevitabledisappointmentandheartbreak.Now,I’mnotsayingthatyoushouldrushintoiteither.WhatIamsayingisthereisnosetamountoftimethatwillallowyoutodeterminethatman’sworth,itwillvary.However,themoretimeyougiveit,themoretimeyouwillhavetoevaluatewhetherornothe’ssomeoneyouwanttogotothenextlevelwith.

Mythoughts:bepatientandgowithyourgut.Youwillknowbetterbasedonhowyoufeelratherthanbywhatdateitis.Justknow,therearenoguaranteesandintheend,timewon’tchangewhoheis.

AManThatJustTakes

“Inarelationship,youcannevergiveenoughtoamanwhoiswillingtotakeeverythingfromyou.”

Somemenarejusttakers.Theydon’tunderstandthatarelationshipisaboutgivingandtaking…it’sabout balance. To these men, it’s always about them. Being able to compromise, in the name ofmovingtherelationshipforward,isaconcepttheycannotgrasp.

It’s this type ofmanwho, after you’ve done everything for him, still comes to the door of therelationshipwithhishandoutexpectingmore.Then,hehastheaudacitytotrytomakeyoufeelbadwhenyoufinallysay,“enough!”

WhenHeWantsToChangeWhoYouAre

“Anymanwhomakesyoufeelasifyouhavetochangewhoyouare,asaperson,tobewithhim,isamanthatwillleaveyouassoonashemeetsthewomanhe’stryingtomakeyououttobe.”

Forthemostpart,mostmenhaveanideaofwhattheywantinawomanfromthebeginning.Inhismind,healreadyhasapictureofwhatsheshouldlooklikeandwhatqualitieshewouldlikeher topossess.Withthatinmind,ifhe’stryingtochangeyou,whatarethechancesofhimleavingyouifheevermeetssomeonethatfitsthatpictureinhishead?

Justsomethingforyoutothinkaboutbeforeyouputyourselfinthattypeofsituation.Inmyopinion, ifhetrulylovesyou,hewill loveyoufor thepersonyouare,not thepersonhe

wantsyoutobe.

QuestionableIntentions

“Youneedamantobeupfrontandhonestwithyou,fromthebeginning,abouthisintentions.Therightmanwillbe;however,thewrongmanwillletmonths,orevenyearsgobybeforehefinallygetsupthe

couragetotellyouthathe’snotreadytocommit.”

Mostmen know, even before they approach you,what their initial intentions are.His plansmaychange as the relationship progresses, but regardless, he usually has an idea as towhat his initialintentionsarefromthebeginning.

Whenamanstringsyoualongand leavesyou in thedark, itcouldmeanafewdifferent things.

One,he’snotsureifhewantsthesamethingsyouwantoutoftherelationship.Thiscauseshimtobeafraidtotellyouhe’snotreadytocommit,outoffearyoumaybreaktherelationshipoff.Ortwo,heknowsexactlywhathewantsfromtherelationship(i.e.sex,money,etc.)andheknowsyouwouldn’twasteyourtimewithhimifyouknewhisrealintentions.

Either way, if he doesn’t have the courage to be honest with you, that lack of honesty willeventuallyleaveyoudisappointedand,insomecases,brokenhearted.

HisInsecurities

“Theonlytimeamanfeelstheneedtotearyoudowniswhenhe’sfeelinginsecure.Becauseofhisinsecuritiesandlowself-esteem,hethentriestomakeyoufeelsmallerinordertomakehimselffeel

bigger.”

A man with insecurities is a very difficult man to deal with, especially for a strong, ambitiouswoman.Anything you do to improve yourself, hewillmore than likely view it as a threat to hismanhood.Heisthetypeofmanwhowillsupportyou,butonlytoanextent.Meaning,hewillsupportyouaslongaswhatyouaredoingdoesn’tthreatenhisstatusinanyway.Ifitdoes,youwillbegintonoticehis support turn intodiscouragement.Thepositive reinforcement,whichyouonce received,willslowlyturnintonegativity.Thiswilloftenstartwithsubtlecommentsandremarksandescalatetooutright anger and aggression towards you. That is his way of trying to compensate for his owninsecurities.

Yousee,ifyoubegintodowellforyourself,heseeshimselfaslosingthatpoweroveryou.Inhismind,youmaystart to think thatyoudon’tneedhimandonedayyoumightdecide thatyoudon’thavetoputupwithhisnonsenseanymoreandleave.Inordertoensurethatdoesn’thappen,hefeelshehas tokeepyoumentallyfeelingas ifyou’renothingwithouthim, thusreducing thechancesofyoueverleavingandincreasingyourperceiveddependencyonhim.

AbusiveMen

“Therearealotofthingsinthisworldthatyou,asawoman,couldbeafraidof,butyourmanshouldnotbeoneofthem.”

Amanthatlovesyouwillalwaysassumetheroleofyourprotector,notyouraggressor.Abusivemen,however, are likecancer toyou.Youhave to identify their typeearlyonandcut themoutof

yourlife.Whetherit’smental,physical,oremotionalabuse,pleaseunderstandthathisonlypurposeistoeatawayatyouuntilthere’snothingleft.

Findawayoutassoonaspossible.Thelongerhestaysinyourlife,thegreatertheriskthatyoumightnotsurvivethebattle…literally.

HeFeelsEntitled

“Somemenfeelasenseofentitlement…likeyouowethemsomething,wheninreality,youdon’towehimanything!Heowesittohimselftogethisstufftogether.Youcansupporthim…youcanevenhelp

himbutultimately,it’shisresponsibility,notyours.”

Here’smypublic service announcement for theday:Ladies, stop carrying thesegrownmen! It’sokaytosupporthimandeventohelphimtoanextent;that’spartofbeinginarelationship.However,thisistrueonlyupuntilacertainpoint.Afterthat,hehastogetuponhisowntwofeetanddowhatmendo.Ifyoucarryhimfortoolong,you’renolongerhelpinghim…you’rehurtinghim.

EmotionallyLazyMen

“Whateveryoudo,neverchaseaman.Why?Becauseit’llmakehimemotionallylazyandhewillfeellikehedoesn’thavetodoanythingtomeetyouremotionalneeds.”

Thinkaboutit;ifyou’redoingeverythingfromthebeginning,whatishisincentivetodoanythingafteryoutwogettogether?Intheend,you’llfindyourselfassumingtheproactiverolethroughouttherelationship because that’swhat he’ll be used to.Hewill have no reason to change because you’llhave already shown him that he can do absolutely nothing and you will still be willing to doeverything.

WhenHeComplainsAboutDoingThingsThatMakeYouHappy

“Thewrongmanwilldosomethingniceforyouandcomplainthewholetimewhiledoingit.He’llthenexpectyoutobehappy,notrealizingthathisattituderuinedeverything.”

Let’ssayyoulovetowalkalongthebeach,buteverytimehetakesyou,hecomplains.Hethinksheisearningbrowniepointsbytakingyouwhen,infact,he’slosingpoints.Soonerorlater,you’llstopaskinghimtogowithyou.Hemaythinkhe’sfinallyconvincedyouthatwalkingalongthebeachisboring but he hasn’t. You still love walking along the beach… you still want to walk along thebeach…youjustarenolongerinterestedindoingitwithhim.

The right man, however, will do it because he wants to make you happy. He won’t ruin yourmomentwithhispettypersonalcomplaints.Afterall,he ismakingyouhappyandat theendof theday,inhismind,that’swhatit’sallabout.

YouCouldBeDoingEverythingRight

“Youcouldbedoingeverythingright:working,cooking,cleaning,greatsex…everything.Butifit’sforthewrongman,thatstillwon’tbeenoughtokeephim.”

Rememberthis:agoodmancan’tbekeptandthewrongmanisn’tworthkeeping.Sothenyoumayask,“Whatdoesawomanhavetodotokeepaman?”Theansweristhis…letgooftheideathatitiswithinyourpowertokeephimandfocusmoreonfindingagoodmanthat lovesandrespectsyouenoughtowanttostay;thereinliesthesecret.

You see, you could be doing all the right things, but if that man doesn’t love, respect, andappreciateyouandthethingsyoudo,itwillallbefornothing.

NOTES:

Listthemainqualitiesofthewrongmanthatareabsolutedealbreakerstoyou.

Nowlisthow,inthepast,you’vemissedthesequalitiesorreasonswhyyou’vetoleratedthem.

Finally,writedownhow,inthefuture,youwillbetterguardyourselfagainstthesequalities.

CHAPTER

Three

AWEAKMAN

“Aweakmanisintimidatedbyastrongwoman.Notbecauseofwhathethinksshecandotohimphysically,butratherbecauseofwhatheknowsshewon’tallowhimtodotohermentallyand

emotionally.”

Broken

“Anymanwhotriestobreakyoumentally,isalreadybrokenbothmentallyandemotionally.”

A secureman understands that the strength of the relationship is found in the union and not theindividual.Astrongmanandastrongwomancreateastrongunion.Ifoneortheotherisweak,therelationshipsuffers.

In otherwords, it defeats the purpose for you to try to build a relationshipwith a brokenmanwhoseintentisonlytotearyoudown.

WeakMenAreIncapableOfSweepingYouOffYourFeet

“Aweakmanisincapableofsweepingyouoffyourfeet.Why?Becausehedoesn’thavetheemotionalstrengthtoliftyourspirit.”

WhenIspeakofaman’struestrength,I’mnotspeakingofhisphysicalstrength,I’mtalkingabouthismental,emotional,andspiritualstrength.That’swhereaman’struepowerlies.Anymancanpickyouupphysically,but it takesanexceptionalman to liftyouupemotionallyandspiritually; that issomethingaweakmancannotdo.

CHAPTER

Four

SECRECYVS.

PRIVACY

HisRightToPrivacy

“Justbecausehehasarighttohisprivacyintherelationship,doesn’tmeanhehasarighttokeepsecretsfromyou.”

So the big question is how do you find out if he’s keeping any secrets if you don’t invade hisprivacy?The answer is…you can’t.You are going to have to cross the line for confirmation andpersonally,Idon’tseeanythingwrongwithyouconfirmingtheloyaltyandthetrustworthinessoftheoneyouentrustwithyourheart.Weconfirmeverythingelse:hotelreservations,dinnerreservations,payments, etc…. If there is nothing there, all the better. Confirmation simply proves or disprovesyour beliefs, one way or the other. I have found that the ones who rely heavily on the “privacy”position,areoftentheoneswiththemosttohide.

Havingsaidthat,Ialsoknowthatsomeofyouwon’tcrossthatlinebecauseitopensyouuptothesameandyou’renotwillingtotakethatrisk.Why?Becausesomeofyouhaveyourownsecretstokeep.

HisSecrets

“Ifhedecidestokeeponelittlesecretfromyou,itwillhavethepowertoruinyourwholerelationship.Notnecessarilybecauseofthesecretinandofitself,butbecauseofthethousandliesthathe’llhave

totellyoutokeepit.”

WhyIsHeSoDefensive

“Amanwhocan’tansweryourquestions,whenyouask,withoutgettingdefensive,isoftenamanwhoiskeepingmorethanjusttheanswerfromyou.”

Have you ever asked a question where his response was so defensive, you began to think thatsomething just wasn’t right…like he was keeping something from you? If you have, you wereprobablyright.

When a man gets defensive, that’s usually his guilty conscience shining through. Your femaleintuitionwillsenseit;that’swhatit’sdesignedfor.

Mythoughts…youneedtogettothebottomofitimmediately.Don’tletyourmindoverrideyourgutoryou’llpossiblyfindyourselfinvestingmonthsorevenyearsmoreintosomeonejusttofindout,intheend,itwasallawasteoftime.

YouHaveARightToKnow

“Justbecauseyouaskaquestion,doesn’tnecessarilymeanyoudon’ttrusthim;somethings,justbybeingintherelationship,youhavearighttoknow.”

Thereisabsolutelynothingwrongwithyouaskingaquestion.Anymanthatwouldgetupsetwithyouforsimplyaskingaquestion,probablyhassomethingtohide.Thinkaboutit.Ifyou’reaskingaquestiontogetclarificationonanissueandtheanswercouldpossiblypreventamisunderstandingoranargument,whatwouldbeagoodreasonnottoanswerthequestion?TheonlyreasonIcanthinkofisthathehassomethingtohide.

WhatYouDon’tKnow

Theysay,“Whatyoudon’tknowcan’thurtyou,”butIdisagree.Whatyoudon’tknowcanandwillhurtyou.Andthelongerittakesforyoutofindout,themoreitwillhurtyouintheend.

If you feel there’s somethinggoingon, get to thebottomof it quickly.Don‘t be afraid to ask thequestion.Ifyoutrytofoolyourselfintothinkingyoucanblockthedoubtout,itwilleventuallybegintoeatyouupinside.Thenyourhappinesswillturntosorrowandyourloveforhimintofrustrationandresentment. It’snotalways thequestion thateatsyouupbutmoreso the ideaofnothaving theanswertothequestionthatwearsonyou.

NOTES:

CHAPTER

Five

TRUST

“Whenthetrustisgone,everythingelsewillsoonfollow.”

MakeHimEarnIt

“Justbecauseheearnedyourtrusttoday,doesn’tmeanheisincapableofviolatingyourtrusttomorrow.”

Trustisnotaone-timething;it’saconstantworkinprogress.Everydayyoushouldbeconsistentlyre-evaluating tosee ifhedeservesyour trust.Thatdoesn’tnecessarilymeanyoudon’t trusthim, itsimplymeansyou’renotnaivetohumannature.

Thinkaboutit;everymanwhohasevercheatedonyou,atsomepoint,youconsideredhimtobetrustworthy.

EmotionallyDrained

“Whenyoudon’ttrustthepersonyou’rewith,itbecomesphysicallyandemotionallyexhaustingforyoutostayintherelationship.”

Trustjustmakeseverythingworksmoother.Whentrustisabsent,youendupspendingmoretimemad,notnecessarilyatwhatheisdoing,butmoresoatwhatyouthinkhemightbedoing.This,astimegoeson,willcauseyoutofeelfrustratedandexhausted.

CHAPTER

Six

UNFAITHFUL

“Ifhelovesandrespectsyou,hewon’tcheat.Ifhedoescheat,oneorbothoftheaboveismissing.”

It’sNotAnAccident

“Cheatingisneveranaccident;itisaconsciousdecision.”

Theunfaithfuloftenrefusetoacceptpersonalresponsibilityfortheiractionsandinstead,theyresorttotryingtomakeyoufeelasifsomehowyouractionsorinactionsaretoblame.Don’tbuyintoit!Itisneveryourfault.Itwastheirchoicetocheat;therefore,theyshoulder100%oftheblame.Iftherewassomethingyouwereorwerenotdoingthatwascausingsomuchofanissue,theyshouldhavecome to you first. If the issue couldn’t be resolved, they had one of the following two choices tomake:leavethenorstayandtrytoworkitout.Eitherway,cheatingonyoushouldnothavebeenoneofthoseoptions.

HisApology

“Whenheapologizes,justknowthatheisnotsorrythathecheated…he’ssorryyoufoundout.”

Insomecases,hemayfeelasifanapologyshouldsuffice;however,anapology,atthispoint,islikethrowing saltonanopenwound.Why?Becauseapologiesare foraccidentsor forwhensomeonedoessomethingand,atthetime,theyhadnoideaitwouldhurtyou.

Cheating, on the other hand, is a conscious decision, thus ruling out the idea that it was an“accident.”Plus,atthetimehecheated,heknewthathisactionswouldhurtyou;therebyrulingouttheargumentthathe“didn’tknow.”

So,youmayask,whyisheactuallyapologizing?I’lltellyou.It’snotbecausehecheatedandit’snotbecausehehurtyou.Heissorrythatyoufoundout;that’stheonethinghedidn’tplanfor.

YouBelieveTheLies

Youbelievetheliesbecauseyou’reafraidofthetruth.Sowhenhefeedsyouthelinesaboutwherehe’sbeenallnight,

you’vepreconditionedyourselftobelievetheliestobetrue.

Whiledeepdowninsideyoufightwithyourself,goingbackandforthasyouprayforhelp.

SomaybemyinspirationforthisbookwasdivineormaybeitwassomethingIpickedupinyourCommentswhilereadingbetweenthelines.

Weallhaveoursuspicionsbutmyadvicetoyou,isyoushouldlistentoyourconscious…that’sGod’swayoftalkingdirectlytoyou.

TheFeelingOfBetrayal

“Whenamancheatsonawoman,it’snotsomuchthephysicalactthathurtsher;it’sthefeelingofherbeingemotionallybetrayedbytheonepersonshelovedandtrustedtonevertodosuchathing…that’s

whathurtsthemost.”

NOTES:

List the top3signsfromthepast, thatyou ignored,whichwarnedyou thathewascheatingandpromiseyourselfthatyouwillneverignorethesesignsagain.

CHAPTER

Seven

SECONDCHANCES

“Somepeoplegetasecondchancewhileothersdon’tbecausesomepeoplearewillingtochangewhileotherswon’t.”

JustBecauseYouMissHim

“Justbecauseyoumisshim,doesn’tmeanyoushouldtakehimback.”

It’sokay tomisshim; that’snormal.Every relationshiphas itsgoodmomentsand thosemomentsoften create great memories. Just remember, you left for a reason. And at the time you left, thatreasonoutweighedthosememories.Now,I’mnotsayingyoushouldnevergivesomeoneasecondchance.Therearetimeswhenpeoplechangeandit’suptoyouastowhetherornotyoubelievetheirchangeisenoughforyoutotakethemback.However,don’tletloneliness,orthefactthatyoumissthem,cloudyourjudgmenttothepointwhereyoufindyourselfbackinthesamebadrelationshipyoujustgotoutof.

ForgivenessDoesn’tAlwaysEqualASecondChance

“Justbecauseyouarewillingtoforgivehim,doesn’tnecessarilymeanhegetsanautomaticsecondchance.”

Yourwillingness to forgive him shows that you are strong enough to be able tomove forwardwithoutholdingitagainsthim.Thatdoesn’tnecessarilymeanyouarewillingtoputyourselfbackinthesamesituationforhimtohurtyouagain.

Yourdecisiontogivehimasecondchanceshouldbelargelybasedonwhetherornotyoubelievewhateverhashappenedwillhappenagain. Ifyou think itwon’t, thenaskyourself if that alone is agoodenoughreason togoback into therelationship. Ifyoubelieve itwilloccuragain,walkawaynowbeforeyouhavetorunawaylater.

NOTES:

Listallofthereasonswhyyoubelieveyoushouldgivehimasecondchance.

Listallofthereasonswhyyoubelieveyoushouldnotgivehimasecondchance.

Nowcomparebothlistsandmakeyourdecisionbasedonwhat’sbestforyou.

CHAPTER

Eight

YOUCAN’TCHANGEHIM

“He’llonlychangeifhewantstochange;myquestionis,ifyoudon’tlikethemanheistoday,whyareyouwithhimnow?”

TheReasonHeChanges

“Youcan’tchangeaman,butyoucandefinitelybeabigpartofthereasonhedecidestochange.”

Forsomemen,alltheyneedisareasontochange;therightwoman,attherighttime,intherightman’slife,couldverywellbethatreason.Butbecareful,thewrongmanwillnotbeabletorecognizeyouasagoodwomanandhewilltakeyourtimeandwasteit.He’llactlikehe’schangedforjustlongenoughtogetwhathewantsfromyou.Afterhe’saccomplishedhisgoal,hewillrevertbacktohisoldwaysleavingyouphysically,emotionallyand,insomecases,financiallydrained.

Someofyouhavedealtwiththismaninthepast,whileothersarestilldealingwithhimnow.Youmayevenbegintodoubtyourselfandthinkthere’ssomethingwrongwithyou.Restyourmind;it’snotthatyouaren’ttherightwoman,it’sjustthatheisthewrongman.

TheRealProblem

“Sometimes,himbeingthewrongmanisn’ttherealproblem.Therealproblemisyoudecidingtogivehimachance,knowinghe’sthewrongman,thinkingyoucanchangehim.”

Nevergo intoa relationship thinkingyoucanchangeaman thathasalready shownyouhis trueintentionsarenotwhatyouwant.

Intheend,hewon’tchangeandyou’llendupfrustrated,heartbroken,andalonewishingyouhaddonethingsdifferently.

CHAPTER

Nine

WASTEDTIME

“It’simpossibletoholdontoarelationshipwhentheotherpersonhasalreadydecidedtoletitgo.”

SingleAndAlone

“Astrongwomanwouldratherbesingleandalonethantowastehertimebeinginarelationshipandsleepingwithamanwhomakesherfeellikeshedoesn’tevenexist.”

Sometimes,you‘releftwithonlytwochoices:(1)Sleepaloneandbephysicallycoldor(2)wasteyourtimesleepingnexttosomeonewhocaresnothingaboutyouandwakeupinthemorningfeelingcoldemotionally.

WhenHeLosesYourRespect

“Oneofthehardestthingsyou’llevertrytodoiscontinuetolovesomeoneyounolongerrespect.”

Respectand trustareat thevery foundationofanyhealthy relationship.Without them,everythingelse quickly disappears; everything except love. Love doesn‘t disappear right away. It first slowlyturnsintofrustration,followedbyresentment.Thisevolutionwillleaveyou,notwiththememoriesoftheloveyouonceshared,butwiththefeelingsofresentmentandregretthatyounowfeel.

Frustrated

“Oneofthemostfrustratingpositionsyou,asagoodwoman,couldeverfindyourselfin,isinarelationshipwithamanwhomakesyoufeellikeyou’restillsingle.”

Beinginarelationshipwithamanthathasnotimeforyou,showsyounoaffection,andmakesyoufeellike,halfthetime,you’restillsingle…what’sthepoint?

Icanthinkofalotofgoodreasonswhyyouwouldwanttobeinarelationshipbutbeinglonelyisn’toneofthem.

Mythoughts…talktohim.Don’ttrytoignorethefeelingbecauseitwillonlygetworse.Explaintohimhowyoufeelandgivehimtheopportunitytomakethenecessaryadjustments.Ifhemakesthoseadjustments,great.Ifhedoesn’t,thentheballsbackinyourcourt.Youcaneitheracceptitorrejectit,butthechoiceisyours.

WhenHeDoesn’tLoveYouAndYouKnowIt

“Someofyouwillfallasleeptonightanddreamofwhatitwouldbeliketobetrulyloved,thenwakeupinthemorningandchoosetowasteyourtimeonamanyouknowdoesn’tloveyou.”

Youcan’tcomplainaboutbeinginasituationthatyouhavethepowertochangebutchoosenotto.Ifyouknowit’snotgoinganywhere,don’twasteyourtime.

LoveShouldNeverFeelLonely

“Trueloveisanexcitingexperience…onethatshouldnevercauseyoutofeelemotionallylonely.”

Evenwhenthereisaphysicaldistancebetweenyou,theemotionalconnectionshouldstillbethere.You should be able to close your eyes, on the darkest nights, and still feel their presence…to bephysicallyalone,yetspirituallyaccompaniedbytheirveryessence.Ifevertherecomesatimewhenyoufeelemotionallylonelyinarelationship,itmaybebecausewhatwas…nolongeris.

InLoveWithTheIdea

Someofyouaremore“inlove”withtheideaof“beinginlove”thanyouare“inlove”withthepersonyouarewith.

Soyou’vecreatedafantasyworldinyourheadandinthisworld,you’vemadeyourrelationshipouttobemorethanwhatitreallyis.Becauseyou’reinlovewiththe“ideaofbeinginlove”andyouwantit so bad, you ignore all the signs that tell you this person iswrong for you.You are so ready tobelievethatheiswhoyouwanthimtobethat,evenwhenheshowsyouthatheisnotyouignoreit.

Yourfriends,theonesyoutrustthemost,havetriedtowarnyou,butyou’veblownthemoffbysaying,“Theydon’tknow”or“theydon’tunderstand”or“they’rejusthatingonyoubecauseyou’rehappy.”Myquestionis,“happywithwhat?”Areyouhappywiththeideaorthereality?

Rememberthis:allfantasiescometoanend.Atsomepoint,you’llhavetodealwiththerealityofthematterandthefactthatheisn’treallywhatyouwantorneed.Thenyou’releftdisappointedandstuckwithtwochoices:settleormoveonafterwastingallyourtimeonsomethingthatneverwas.

WhyAreYouStillHere?

“Ifyoudon’tloveme,whyareyoustillhere?Youstandingthereonlymakesitworse.

Please,justwalkaway.Ipromise,Iwon’thateyouifyoudo

butIwillifyoudon’t.”

Theysay,Ifyouwanttounderstandhowsomeoneelsefeels,youhavetobeabletoputyourselfintheirshoes.So,Iaskedmyself,“IfIwereyouandsomeonestrungmealong,howwouldIfeel?”Thatwasthefirstthingthatcametomind.

WhatHurtsTheMost

“Whathurtsyouthemostisnotthefactthatit’sover,butratherthatyouchosetowasteyourtimewithhiminthefirstplace.”

NOTES:

CHAPTER

Ten

HEARTBREAK

“Haveyoueverfeltlikeyourhearthadbeenrippedrightoutofyourchest…likewhentheywalkedoutthedoor,theytookwiththemyourverylastbreath?”

HeCan’tLoveYou

“Oneofthemostdisappointingthingsthatyou,asawoman,couldevergothroughistofallinlovewithamanthatcan’tloveandrespectyoubecausehehasn’tlearnedtoloveandrespecthimselfyet.”

EmotionallyStuck

“Theworstfeelingyoucanhaveisthefeelingofbeingstuckinaphysicalrelationshipwithsomeoneyouhavealreadyemotionallyseparatedfrom.”

TheTrueFrustrationOfHeartbreak

“Awoman’stearsdon’tnecessarilycomefromoneheartbreak,butrathertheycomefromtheaccumulationofyearsofheartbreakandthefrustrationthatyoufeelafterputtingeverythingyouhaveintoyourrelationships,dayafterday,monthaftermonth,andyearafteryear,andstillendingupwith

thesameheartbreakingresults.”

UnspokenWordsOfHerSoul

“Awoman’steardropsaretheunspokenwordsofhersoul.Theywritethestoryofherpainwithdisappearinginkandwitheverystroke,

ItrytounderstandbeforeIwipeawaythewordsfromherface,

Inhopesthat,asthetearsdry,truelovewillbethereasonallherpainhasbeenerased.”

WhenTheLoveIsReal

“Whenyourloveisreal,it’shardtojuststoplovingsomeone…evenafterthey’veproventoyouoverandoveragainthattheydon’tdeserveyourlove.”

That’swhatmakesbreakingupsohardtodo.Youknowit’stimetogo,butlovejustwon’tletyouwalkaway.Real lovewantsyou togive themanotherchance, to try justonemore time tomake itwork,evenwhendeepdowninsideyouknow…he’llneverchange.

YourBrokenHeart

Doesawoman’sbrokenheartevertrulyhealordoyousimplybecomestrongerandfindbetterways

toconcealthepain?Yousee,Imightnotknowyourname,butyoucan’tfool

mewiththelines,tellingmeyoudon’tcareabouthimanymore,butIcan

seeitinyoureyesthathehurtyou.Don’tbeashamedofthepain:embraceit.Don’tturnyourbackonthepain:faceit.Letitalloutandreleaseittothewind

andwhenyou’vegottenitallout,therewillbejustenoughroominyourheartforyoutofinallyloveagain.

Onlyanewlovecanhelprepairthedamageleftbyanoldone.Whetheritbethelovefromanother,aspirituallove,theloveofselforalloftheabove,onlylovehasthatpower.

It’sOkay

It’sokay.It’sokayforyoutomisshim.It’sokayforyoutofeelangry.

It’sokayforyoutofeelsadandeventocry…It’sokay.

It’sokayforyoutowonderwhetherornotyoumadetherightdecision…

It’sokay.

Breakingup canbequite the emotional roller coaster ride. Just know,when the ride is over andyou’vegottenitalloutofyoursystem…it’sokaytomoveon.

NOTES:

Sometimesithelpstowriteitallout…

CHAPTER

Eleven

THECOURAGETO

MOVEON

“Astrongwomanwon’tgiveupontherelationshipuntilsheiscompletelyfedupandherleavingistheonlyoption

shehasleft.Andeventhen…it’shardforhertodo.”

She’sTired

“Whenastrongwomanfinallygivesup,it’snotbecauseshe‘sweakorbecauseshenolongerlovesherman.Toputitinthesimplestterms…she’sjusttired.She’stiredofthegames…she’stiredofthesleeplessnights…she’stiredoffeelinglikeshe’sallaloneandtheonlyonetrying…she’stired.”

Somemightsaythatawomanisweakforgivinguponarelationship,butIdisagree.Whenyou’vedoneallyoucanandyou’vereachedthatpointwhereyoufeelphysically,emotionally,andspirituallydrained,youronlyoptionleftistoleave.Notbecauseyouwanttobutbecauseyouhaveto…foryourownsanityandpeaceofmind.

AStrongWoman’sCry

“Whocanhearthecriesofastrongwomanwhocriesonlyontheinsidewhiletheworldcomplimentsheronhowstrongsheisandonthebeautifulsmilethattheyseeontheoutside.”

Whocanyouruntowhenyouaretheonethateveryonerunsto?Whocanyoucallwhenyouaretheonethateveryonecalls?Whenit justseemslikethepressureisgettingtobetoomuchandyoufeel likeyoucan’thold it togethermuchlonger,whodoyou, thestrongwomanthateveryoneelselookstoforstrength,whodoyouturnto?

Sometimes,theonlyrightanswerisaspiritualone.

BeingStrongIsNotAnOption

“Astrongwomanknowsthatbeingstrongisnotanoptionforher,it’sanecessity.”

So,everydayshewakesupandmeetstheworldandallofitschallengesheadon.Butsometimes,at

theendoftheday,whenall issaidanddoneandshefinallyclosesthedoor,shecries.Notbecauseshe’sweak,butbecauseit’shardbeingstrong,dayafterday,knowingthatifyoudon’tdoit,noonewill.

Thesoftcriesthatmostwillneverhearslowlydisappearasthenewdaycomesandyouriseonceagaintobethestrong,confidentwomanyouare.

YouStillRemember

Youstillremember,butyouwillneverforget.Youstillrememberhowheusedtomakeyousmile,but

youwillneverforgethowheusedtoalwaystalkdowntoyou.

Youstillrememberhowyoufirstmet,butthedayhecalledyououtyourname,that’saday

youwillneverforget.Yousee,it’shardforastrongwomantoholdontoa

manthathasdisrespectedher.Andthoughheapologizedandyouaccepted,

youdidn’tdoitforhissake,butforyourownpieceofmind.

Soasyouwalkedoutthatdoor,leavingthatmanbehind,yousighed.Becausealthoughyouforgavehimyouknewyoucouldneverforget,andthat’swhytothisday,you’veneverlookedback.

TheStrengthToLetGo

“Therealityisthatsometimes,ittakesmorestrengthtoletgothanitdoestokeepholdingon.”

Whenawomanstandswithherbacktothewindandherfacetothesun,raisesherhead,exhalesandfinallyletsgo,that’sapowerfulmomentforher.Somanyfeelingsrunthroughherbodyatthattime.Shefeelshappy,yetsaddened;excited,yetafraidaboutthechaptertocome.Butonethingsheknowsforsureisthatsheisfinallyfreetofindherownhappiness.

ThePowerToEndure

LateatnightItossandIturnasifinastormontheopensea.

IseethelightninginyoureyesandhearthethunderinyourvoiceandIknowthatyoucallforme.Asoursoulsawakenwiththeanticipationofembracingthemomentbeforeit’sgone.

ForIknowyouhavewalkedforthousandsofmilesandyouhavestruggledforsolong.

Thoughyourstruggleshavebeenhard,yourbattlescarstheytestify

toallthepainyouhaveendured,whichcanbeviewedthroughunopenedeyes.

Yetyouasknotforsympathy,notevenwhenyourdaysarelong.

Forinyouisthepowertoendureandthestrengthtocarryon.

SoBlessedIsTheSmile

Soblessedisthesmileofthewoman,whoforyearshasknownthepainofbeingcheatedon,theagonyofbeingunderappreciated,disrespectedandbelittledbyamansheoncelovedandtrusted.

Soblessedisthesmileofthewoman,whoforyearsputherheartandsoulintoarelationshipandgotnothinginreturn.

Soblessedisthesmileofthewomanthathasbeenforgedbythefireandthemanyyearsofthelessonslearned.Soblessedisthesmileofthewoman,whoonedaystoodupandsaid,“Enoughisenough!Ideservebetterthanthis!Ideservetobewithsomeonewholoves,respects,andadoresme!Ideserve

myownhappiness!”Yousee,it’sbeensometimenowsinceshegotupthecouragetowalkoutandithasn’tbeeneasy.

Shespentsomenightscryingherselftosleepandothernightssecondguessingherselfonwhetherornotshehaddonetherightthing,butsheneverwentback.

SoIsay,“Soblessedisthesmileofthestrongwomanbecauseafterallyou’vebeenthrough,you’vefinally

foundyourownhappinessandthatsmilerepresentsthenewyou.”

LessonsLearned

“Theonesthatarethehardesttogetoverareoftentheonesthatteachyouthegreatestlesson.”

For theonesyouhave loved, they’veshownyou the infinitepossibilitiesofhappiness.As for theonesyouhavelost,they’veremindedyouofthetremendouspainsofheartbreak.Toallofthem,yousay,“Thankyou.”It’sbecauseofthemthatyounowstandtherethebeautiful,strong,andindependentwomanthatyouare.

ForgiveForYourSake

“Whenyouforgive,youdon’tdoitfortheotherperson’ssake,youdoitforyourownsanityandpeaceofmind.”

Intheend,whenyouholdontoyouranger,you’rehurtingnoonebutyourself.Meanwhile,theygoaboutlivingtheirlivesastheywishwhileyourangerandresentmentallowthemtocontinuetoruinyours.You,inessence,havebecomethesurrogatetoallthepain,frustration,andheartachethattheyoncecausedyou.Now,theydon’tneedtodoanythingbutsitback,enjoytheirlife,andwatchyoubemiserable.

Itdoesn’thavetobethatway;youcantakethatpowerawayfromthemsimplybyforgivingthemandlettingitgo.I’mnotsayingyouhavetoforget,don’tforget.Forgettingwhatthey’vedonewoulderasethememoryandinthememoryiswhereyoufindthelesson.However,forgivingremovestheweightof thepast fromyourshouldersandallowsyou tomoveforwardwithout them.Thepast iswhatitis;youcan’tchangeit.Whatyoucandoislearnfromitandusethattomakebetterdecisionsinthefuture.Willitbeeasy…no.Willyouhaveyourmoments…yes,butovertime,you’llfindpeaceinknowingtheynolongerhavethatpoweroveryou.Now,whenyouseethemyoucanfinallysmileandsaytoyourself,“I’mfinallyfreefromyou.”

NeverFeelTrapped

Youshouldneverfeeltrappedinarelationship;youalwayshaveoptions.Hemaywantyoutofeelasifyoudon’tandthatheistheonlyoptionavailabletoyoubuthe’snot.Thedecisionastowhetherornotyoustayorleaveisyourstomakeandyoursonly.Itmaynotbeaneasychoice,butitisstillyour

choicetomake;youhavethatpower.Youhavethepowertofreeyourselfofthenegativityandtofindhappiness.Youhavethepowertoliveyourlifethewayyouchoose,ratherthanassomeoneelse

dictates.Youhavethepower…useit.

CHAPTER

Twelve

TIMEFORYOU

“Ifyoucan’tseethebeautyofyourlifefromwhereyouarenow,removetheobstaclesinfrontofyouandlookagain.”

HelpYourself

“Sometimes,theonlypersonwhocanhelpyouisyou.”

Yourfriendscansupportyou,theycancheeryouonandbethereforyou,butintheend,youhavetobetheonetomaketheharddecisionsandmakethechanges.Noonecandothatforyoubutyou.

DoWhatMakesYouHappy

“Ladies…forjustonemoment,stopworryingaboutwhateveryoneelsethinksanddowhatmakesyouhappy.”

Irealizethatmostofyourtimeisspenttendingtothewantsandneedsofyourchildren,yourcareer,andeveryoneelse.Youareconstantlyrunning,frombeforethesunrisesuntilwellafteritsets,tryingtoholdallofthepiecestoyourlife’spuzzletogether.Ironically,somewherethroughitall,youlosetrackofthemostimportantpiece…you.Then,whenyoutrytotaketimeforyourself,youget“griefforit”andinsomeinstances,youevengetaccusedofbeing“selfish.”Interestinglyenough,theonesthat say you are being “selfish” are usually the ones you give all of your attention to. So, yourquestiontothemshouldbe,“AmIreallybeingselfishorareyou?”

Never feel guilty for wanting to take time for yourself. After all you do for everyone else…you’veearnedit.Taketimeforyou.

FallInLoveWithYouAgain

Sometimes…yousimplyhavetomaketimeforyou.Findthetimetotakeyourselfoutonadatesothatyoucanreacquaintyourselfwithwhoyouareandwhatyouwantoutoflife.Ifyoudothisoftenenough,youneverknow,youmightjustfindyourselffallinginlovewith“you”alloveragain.

NOTES:

Keep trackofall the thingsyoudo, thatare just foryou,anddescribehow theymakeyou feelaboutyourself.

CHAPTER

Thirteen

THEFEAROF

STARTINGOVER

“There’snothingwrongwithholdingonandthere’snothingwrongwithlettinggo.Thetrickisdecidingwhichoneisbestforyou.”

She’sNotAfraidToLove

“She’shadherheartbroken,yetshe’snotafraidtolove;whatsheisafraidofiswastinganymoreyearsofherlifelovingandsupportingamanjustto,intheend,haveherheartbrokenandfindherself

havingtostartalloveragain.”

TheFearOfBeingVulnerable

“Thefeelingofbeingvulnerableisoneofthescariestthingsaboutfallinginlove.Buttheideaofputtingitalloutthereandlovingwithoutpauseorregret…that’swhatmakesitexciting.”

W ithgreatriskcomeseithergreatsorroworgreatreward.Isay, trustyourjudgmentandtakeachance!Ifyou’rewrong, thepainwillbeonlytemporary.However, ifyou’reright,youcouldfindenoughhappinesstolastyoualifetime.

HoldingOnToThePast

“Aslongasyouholdontoyourangerforthewrongmanofthepast,hewillforeverhavecontroloveryourabilitytobehappyinthefuture.”

Alotofyouhavemovedonphysically,butyoustillcarrythepainandtheangerthathecausedyouinside.

Giveyourselfafairchancetofindtruehappiness.Nowisthetimetofinallylethimgo.

TheManOfYourDreams

“Letgoofyourfearsofstartingover”

Asayounggirl,youdreamedofthemanhewouldbe.Someofyouhavefoundthatmanandothershavesettled.Thoseofyouwhohavesettled,lateatnight,stillwonderwhatlifewouldbelikeifyouhadnotsettled.Yourdreamsofhappinessrundownyourcheeksandturnintotearsofsorrowasyoucryyourselftosleep.

Remember, in lifeyouhavechoices; letgoofyourfearofstartingoveranddowhat’sbest foryou.It’snevertoolatetobehappy…thechoiceisyours.

CHAPTER

Fourteen

BEAUTIFULSTRONGWOMAN

Youjusthavetosaytoyourself,“I’mnotwillingtoacceptanythinglessthanwhatIdeserve!Iamsmart!Iambeautiful!Iamagoodwoman,andIdeservetobehappy!”Itallstartswithyou.

TakeControlToday

Today,takecontrolofyourlifeandbethebeautiful,strongwomanyoudreamed,

asalittlegirl,youwouldsomedaygrowuptobe.

Someofyoumayhavealreadyforgottenthatdreamandothersmayhavesettled.

Today,Iamheretoremindyouofit.Stoplivingsomeoneelse’sdreamandstartlivingyour

own.Remember,thatlittlegirlinsidestillbelievesinyou…don’tletherdown.

BeYou

“Bethewomanyouwanttobe,notthewomaneveryoneelseexpectsyoutobe.”

Godmakesnomistakes.Ifyoulookatitfromthatperspective,youwillseethatyouareaperfectcreationofwhatheintendedwhenhecreatedyou.Beproudofwhoyouare.Afterall,you’renotonlyaoneinamillion…you’reaonceinalifetime.

YouAreBeautiful

“Youarebeautifuljustthewayyouare.”

Weallhavethosedayswhen,forwhateverreason,wejustdon’tfeelthatbeautifulandareminder

wouldbenice.Iftodayisyourday,letmeremindyou…youarebeautifuljustthewayyouare.

IHopeHeNoticed

“Moreoftenthannot,it’sthelittlethingsthatmattermost.”

Ihopehenoticed thatyouhadyourhairdone inadifferentstyleor thefact thatyoupaintedyournailsthatnewcoloryou’vebeenwantingtotry.Ihopehenoticedthatnewoutfityouboughttowearjustforhim.Ihopehenoticedandcomplimentedyouonthem.Ifnot,letmebethefirst…youlookamazing!

ThePerfectYou

“Ihopewhenyouwokeupthismorning,youlookedinthemirrorandsawexactlywhatIseewhenIlookatyou…anincrediblybeautifulwomanwhoisunique

anddeservingofalltheloveandattentionthatagoodmanhastooffer.”

AStrongWoman’sSmile

“Astrongwomanwithabeautifulsmileisattractive,butastrongwomanwithabeautifulmind

isaddictive.”

InTheLakeThereLiesAReflection

Inthelakethereliesareflection,amereperfectedimageofyou.

Ifyousitquietlybyherbedside,she’llmovecloserandclosertoyou.

Ifyousmile,she’llsmileback.Wheneveryoutouchher,she’llreact.

Inthelakethereliesareflection,ifyouloveher,shewillalwaysloveyouback.

Justareminder,nomatterwhatyouaregoingthrough, loveyourselffirstandyouwillalwaysbeloved;noonecantakethatawayfromyou.

AStrongWoman’sWallsAroundHerHeart

Iloveawomanwhohasbuiltupstrongwallsaroundherheart.Ittellsmethatyou’vebeenthroughsomethingsand,notonlyareyouasurvivor,butfromthoseexperiences,you’velearnedhowtobetterprotectyourself.You’vealsolearnedthetruevalueofyourloveandnowgettingclosetoyourheartisnotthateasy.Ifamanwantsyourlove,he’sgoingtohavetoprovehimselfworthybeforeyougivehim

thehonorofreplacingthatwallandassumingtheroleofyourheart’sprotector.

Inmyopinion,therearemainlythreetypesofpeoplewhowouldcriticizeyouforhavingastrongwall aroundyourheart:Those that are too lazy towork foryour love, those that haveneverbeenthroughthelesson,andthosethathavebeenthroughitbutstillhaven’tlearned.

AStrongWomanIsSelf-Defined

Astrongwomanisself-defined.Sheknowsthattheonlydefinitionofherthatmattersisherown.

Youdefineyourself.Youhavetotalcontroloverwhoyouareasawoman;nomanhasthepowerto

takethatfromyouunlessyougiveittohim.

ToMyBeautifulStrongWoman

Youknowyouarebeautiful,notbecausehetellsyou,butbecauseeversinceyouwereayounggirl,youhavealwaysknownthatyouwouldsomedaygrowuptobeabeautiful,strongwoman.You’renot

arrogantorconceited;you’rehumble,yetconfident.There’sacertainstrengthaboutyouthatcannotbeignored.

Strong,confidentmenfindyourstrengthtobeincrediblyattractivewhileweaker,lessconfidentmenfindittobeintimidatingandfeelthreatenedbyit.Yourstrengthisbothyourgreatestblessingandyourgreatestcurse.Yourgreatestcursebecausemanymenhavefallenshortcausingyoutospendcountlessnightsalonewonderingifyouwereaskingtoomuchbutyou’renot.Infact,itisyour

strengthwhichallowsyoutomaintainyourhighstandards,throughallthoselonelynights,becauseyouknowthatoneday,therightmanwillrevealhimselftoyou.Thenandonlythen,willyouloweryourwallsandallowyourselftobecomevulnerabletofallhopelesslyinlovewithoutfearorpause.

To my Beautiful, StrongWoman: Be strong… Be patient. The right man is out there searchingrelentlessly,throughallthenonsense,lookingforyou.Givehimtime.

CHAPTER

Fifteen

SETTINGANEW

STANDARD

“Thequalityofthemanyouchoosewillonlybeasgoodasthestandardsbywhichyouusetochoosehim.”

NeverLowerYourStandards

“Don’teverthinkthatyouwillavoidbeingdisappointedbyloweringyourstandardsforaman.Intheend,notonlywillyoustillbedisappointedbyhim,butyouwillalsobedisappointedinyourselffor

everhavingloweredyourstandardsinthefirstplace.”

Beselective.Everymanshouldnotmeetyourstandards.There’snothingwrongwithyoudecidingnottowasteyourtimeonamanthatyou’vedeterminedisawasteoftime.

Having standards doesn’t mean you’re “stuck-up” or “conceited,” it means you’re a strongwoman,whoknowswhat shewants and is notwilling to settle for anything less. There is nothingwrongwiththat.Infact,asaman…Irespectthat.

Never feel bad for havinghigh standards; it’s part of your process forweedingout thewrongman.

BeThe“Only”One

Whysettleforbeinga“side”ora“main”whenthereisagoodmanouttherewaitingtomakeyouhis“only.”

Don’tmakeyourselfunavailablefortherightmanbecauseyoubecameimpatientandsettledforthewrongman.

Thinkaboutitforaminute;ifhedoesn’tvalueyouenoughtocommittomakingyouhis“only,”hemostcertainlyisnotemotionallywealthyenoughtobeabletoaffordyourlove.

YouAreExtraordinary

“Whenyouareextraordinary,ordinaryjustwon’tdo.”

Youareanextraordinarywomanwhoiscapableofaccomplishinganythingandeverythingyousetyourheartandmindto.Youshouldsettlefornothinglessthanamanwho,notonlyrecognizesthis,butalsoencouragesyouateveryopportunitytobetheabsolutebestyoucanbe.Heshouldalsobeamanwhoissecureenoughinhimselfandtherelationshiptobeabletotakeastepbackandbeyourbiggestfanwhenitfinallycomestimeforyoutoshineanddoyourthing.

FriendsWithBenefits

“Friendswithbenefits”isacreativewayofhimsayinghethinksyou’regoodenoughtosleepwith,butnotworthyofhisloyaltyandcommitment.

Nomatterhowyoulookatit,foryouasagoodwoman,therearenolong-termbenefitstothistypeofrelationship.Idon’tcarehow“Acceptable”Hollywoodtriestomakeitseem.Intheend,whatdoyouhave:nocommitment,noloyalty,nolove…nothing.Allthethingsthatreallymattertoyou,asagoodwoman,youdon’tget.Allyouhaveis theinstantphysicalgratificationandwhenthat’sgone,you’releftwithnothing.Youdeservebetter.

Strong,SingleAndHappy

“She’ssingle,notbecauseshecan’tfindaman,butbecauseshe’swaitingfortherightmantocomealongandmakeherfeelsosecureintherelationshipthatlovinghimjustcomesnaturalandeasy.”

Don’teverletanyonemakeyoufeellikebeingsingleisabadthing.Takeyourtime,bepatient,andwaitfortherightone.

It’salmost likebuying fruit at thegrocery store.Youdon’t justwalkup,grab the firstpieceoffruityouseeandputitinyourbasket.No!Youpickitup,squeezeit,lookitoverandifit’snotwhatyouwant,youputitback.Besides,everyoneknowsthatthebestfruitisonthebottom.Youhavetodigalittletogettothehighestqualityfruit.

Well,menarekindofthesame.Youhavetotakeyourtime,checkthemoutandifyoudon‘tlikehim,puthimback!Why?Becauseat theendof theday, ifyourushand take thewrongonehome,you‘retheonethathastodealwithhim!

BePatient

“Somewhereoutthere,there’sagoodmanjustasfrustratedasyouarethathehasnotfoundyouyet;bepatient.Hewon’tgiveuponyou…don’tyoudaregiveuponhim.”

Ifyou’veeverbeensomewhereandwere lostandneededsomeonetocomefindyou,you’dknowthatoneofthefirstthingstheytellyouis“stayrightthere.I’monmyway.”Thereasontheysaythatisbecauseifyoukeepmoving,itmakesitmoredifficultforthemtofindyou.Well,thesameapplieshere.Youhavetostopmovingaroundandwastingallyourtimeonmenthatyouknowcan’torwon’tmeetyouremotionalneedsandsitstillandbepatientlongenoughtobefoundbytherightmanwhocanandwill.

TooManyToSettle

“Therearetoomanymenoutthereforyoutosettleononethatdoesn’tmakeyouhappy.Ifhe’snotactingright,lethimknow.Ifhe’snotwillingtofixit,lethimgo.”

Evenagoodmancanhave issues,butas longashe’swilling towork through themwithyou, tomovetherelationshipforward,there’sstillthepossibilityofthingsworkingout.

Ontheotherhand,ifhe’snotwillingtoworkwithyoutofixtheproblem,thensometimes,youevenhavetoletthegoodonesgo.

TheSameAppliesToYou

“Inyourrelationship,neversettleforlessthanwhatyoudeserve.Atthesametime,neverthinkyoudeservemoreoutofarelationshipthanyouarewillingtoputintoit.”

Be realistic inyourexpectations.WhenIsayyoushouldneversettle, thatdoesn’tabsolveyouofyourresponsibilitytomeetthesameexpectationsthatyousetforthem.Ifyourexpectationsarehigh,thenyourownlevelofperformanceandcommitmentshouldbeequallyashigh.Youshouldexpectto

getoutofitwhatyouputintoit.Nothingmore,nothingless.

TheTickingClock

Don’teverletthe“tickingoftheclock”forceyouintosettlingforamanyouknowisn’trightforyou.Intheend,isitnotbettertobesingleandhappyfor5years,thantowakeuponemorningandrealizeyouhavewastedthelast5yearsofyourlifewithsomeoneyouknewwouldnevermakeyouhappyin

thefirstplace?

Thisisjustadifferentwayoflookingatthings.Whateveryoudo,makessureit’srightforyou:notyourfriends,notfamily,notanyoneelse…dowhat’sbestforyou.

TimeToChoose

“Themoretimeyoutake,inthebeginning,tochoosetherightman,thelesstimeyou’llwaste,intheend,dealingwiththewrongone.”

Youhaveworkedtoohardandcometoofar,togetwhereyouaretoday,toletamanwithnovisionornodirectionslowyoudown.Takeyourtime.

STAYFOCUSED!

YourNewList

Use thefollowingpage towritedownyournewstandards.Don’t focusonfinancialorphysicalattributes, those are things you want. I want you to concentrate on writing down what you needemotionally,asawoman,fromaman.

Inshort,I’maskingyoutodescribe,ononepage,whattherightmanistoyou.Whenyoufinish,reviewwhatyou’vewrittenandcommitittomemory.Asyougrow,adjustitaccordingly.

Now,Iwantyoutopromiseyourself,nomatterhowlongyourdaysareorhowlonelyyournightsmaybe,youwillneversettleforanythinglessthanwhat’sonthatonepageofpaper.

NOTES:

CHAPTER

Sixteen

SOMETHINGSFORYOU

TOTHINKABOUT

ImportantImpression

“Themostimportantimpressionamancanmakeonyouisnotthefirstimpression,butratheralastingimpressionthatonlycomesfromconsistencyovertime.”

Eventhewrongmancanplaytheroleoftherightmaninthebeginning.Don’tbesoimpressedbyhisfirstimpression.Thefirstimpressionistheeasypart.It’sthelastingimpressionthattakesallthework.

Don’tConfuseComfortForLove

Don’tconfusebeing“comfortable”forbeing“inlove.”

Someofyouareinarelationshipbecauseyouare“inlove”andsomeofyouareinarelationshipsimplybecauseyouare“comfortable”initandafraidofchange.

Remember, just because you are comfortable, doesn’t mean you‘re in love. How to tell thedifference? Ask yourself this question, “Why am I here?” If you have no answer or you have tojustifyyour answer through logic andnot emotion, then that’s comfort. If you’re therebecauseoflove,you’llknowbecauseyouranswerwillbeanemotionaloneandjustthinkingabouttheanswerwillcauseyoutosmile.

SomeMenWouldSayAnything

Somemenwouldsay“anything”togetwhattheywant,butyouhavetobewillingtobelieve“anything”togiveittothem.

It’s less about what he says and more about what you choose to believe. Be more selective and

patient.Knowingthatmostmenwillsayanythingmeansthatyoucan’tbelieveeverything.Remember,withoutconsistentactions,overtime,hiswordshavenovalue.

PotentialMeansNothing

“Youbeingabletoseethepotentialinamanmeansnothinguntilheseesitinhimself.”

Youcanseeallthepotentialyouwantinaman.Youcanbelieveinhim.Youcanhavefaithinhim.Youcanseetheendlesspossibilitiesinaman,butuntilheseesitandbelievesithimselfandactsonit,youhavenothing.

NeverChaseAMan

“Goodmendon’trun.So,ifyoufindyourselfhavingtochaseaman,stop…that’sthewrongman!”

Don’tLetTheHurtFoolYou

“Don’teverletthehurtortheangerofabadseparationfoolyouintodisrespectingyourself.”

Althoughyoumayhavehadabadseparationandfeelangryathimforwhathe’sdone,neverallowthatanger tocauseyou todisrespectyourself.Some think that if theygooutandare intimatewithsomeoneimmediatelyafterthebreakup,theyare,insomeway,payinghimbackforwhathe’sdone;this is farthest from the truth! The truth is you are sacrificing your self-respect, dignity, andreputationasagoodwoman,all to tryandhurtamanwho’salreadyprovenhedoesn’tcareaboutyou.Isitreallyworthit?Idon’tthinkso.

Never let theactionsof thewrongmancauseyou to loweryourself toa level that’s lower thanhim;youarebetterthanthat.Yourself-respect,dignityandyourreputation,asagoodwoman,arefartoovaluabletoagoodmanforyoutothrowthemawaytryingtogetrevengeonthewrongman.

BendingOverBackwards

“Makesureyoudon’tbreakyourself,tryingtofixamanthatisalreadybroken.”

Thereare some thingsyoucanhelpamanwithand thereare some thingsonlyhealonecan fix.Don’tbreakyourselftryingtofixsomethingthatistotallyoutsideofyourpowertofix.Intheend,he’llstillbebrokenandyou’llendupbothbrokenheartedandcompletelyexhausted.

WhyPlayTheDetective

“Inyourrelationship,youshouldnothavetoplaythedetectivetogettothetruth;youshouldbeabletoaskthequestionandhegiveyoutheanswer.Itshouldbeassimpleasthat.”

If it isn’t, you have some big decisions to make. In my opinion, there’s nothing worse than nothearingthetruthfromtheoneyouloveandinstead,havingtohearitfromsomeoneelse.

WhenHeYellsAtYou

“Themoreoftenheyellsatyou,thefurtheryou’lldriftaway;andthenonedayhe’llrealizethatyoutwoaresofarapartemotionally,thatyoucan’thearawordhesays.Bythen…it’stoolate.”

Thetruecharacterofamanisnotseenduringthegoodtimesbutduringtimesofstress.Whenheyellsatyou,he’s tryingtocontrolyouor thesituation.Youcantella lotaboutamanduringthesetimesbecauseifhedoesn’tdealwithitwell,histruecolorswillbegintoshow.Remember,youcanmeasurethetruestrengthofamanbyhowwellhecontrolsothers,butyoumeasurehistruepowerbyhowwellhecontrolshimself.

BestFriendVs.Boyfriend

Justbecausehemadeagood“Bestfriend,”doesn’tnecessarilymeanhe’llmakeagood“Boyfriend.”

Theoretically,itsoundslikeitshouldwork;however,itcanprovetobealittlemorecomplicated.I’mnotsayingitcan’tworkbecauseI’veseenitgobothways.AllIamsayingisyoushouldbeverycareful if you are considering transitioning a current “Best friend” into the “Boyfriend” position.That switch will not only cause the expectations to change, but the rules of the relationship willchange as well. If it works, great, but if it doesn’t, you stand a big chance of losing both your“Boyfriend”andyour“BestFriend.”

Thequestionthenbecomes,“areyouwillingtotakethatrisk?

TryingToConvinceThemOfYourWorth

“Neverwasteyourtimetryingtoconvincesomeoneelseofyourworth.Iftheycan’tseeit,theyarenotworththeeffort.”

Thebeautifulthingabouttheoneswhotrulyloveusisthattheyarealwaysabletoseeourworth,evenwhenwedoubt itourselves.Infact, theyareoftentheonesthatremindusof itwhenevertheythinkwe’resettlingforlessthanwhatwedeserve.

Ifyouhavetotrytoconvincesomeoneofyourworth,thatmeanstheydon’talreadyknowit.Andiftheydon’talreadyknowit,howcantheyvalueyouandtherelationship?

NeverLoseYourself

“Staytruetowhoyouareasawoman.Whentherelationshipisinharmonywithwhoyouare,itworks.However,whenitstartstomakeyoufeellikeyouhavetosacrificewhoyouare,asawoman,tomakeit

work,itmaybetimetoreevaluatewhetherornotthatrelationshipisstillrightforyou.”

Never completely lose your identity of self in a relationship.When you do, you lose your veryreasonforbeingthereinthefirstplace.

Intheend,everythingchanges,butahealthyrelationshipshouldgrowwithyou,notagainstyou.

Don’tBeFooled

Don’tbefooledbyaman’swordsandhisinconsistentactions.Instead,lookforconsistencyoveralongperiodoftimebecause,ifyouthinkaboutit,every“wrong”man,thatyoueverdated,seemedlike

the“right”maninthebeginning.

Takeyourtimeandbepatient.Remember,datingthewrongmancanbelikeahorrormovie.Inthebeginning,it’salwaysfunandexcitinguntilthecrazyoneshowsup.Then,thingscanget“real”reallyquick.

AllIamsayingisthis:ifyoudon’twanttoendupco-starringinhishorrormovie,takethetimetoreadthescriptbeforeyouacceptthepart!

Yesterday’sHappiness

“Whenyouhavetorelyonyesterday’shappinessinarelationship,togetyouthroughtoday,itmightbetimetomoveon.”

Everydayisanopportunityforyoutodosomethingthataddsvaluetoyourrelationshipandmoveit forward. If you are notmoving forward, you‘removing backward; there is no such thing as arelationshipthatstandsstill.Lifeismotion,andarelationshipwithnomotionisdead.

So if thereevercomesa time, inyour relationship,whenallyouhavearememories,youmayneed to reevaluate the relationship. Remember, memories are in the past and if that’s all yourrelationshiphas,itmightnothaveafuture.

LoveMeansNothingWithoutLoyalty

“Aman’sloveforyoumeansabsolutelynothingifitdoesn’tcomewithanuncompromisingloyaltytoyouandyourrelationship;thatshouldbenon-negotiable.”

W ithout loyalty, there is not trust. Without trust, you have nothing to look forward to butheadaches, heartache, and regrets. Furthermore, If you choose to give your time to amanwithoutloyalty,justknowthathewillalwaysdisappointyou.Itmaytakealittlewhile,butsoonerorlaterhislackofloyaltywillshinethrough.Whenitdoes,you’llwishyouhadnevergivenyourtimetosuchaman.

TheBestSexWon’tFillThatVoid

“Thebestsexintheworld,withoutlove,stillwon’tfillthatvoid.It’saquickfixandyouwon’trealizeituntilyouwakeupthenextmorningandrealizeyou’restillalone.”

KnowingWhatYouDoAndDon’tWant

“Knowingwhatyoudon’twantinamanisequallyasimportantasknowingwhatyoudowantfromhim.”

He’sNotSupposedToKillYourDreams

“He’snotsupposedtomakeyougiveuponyourdreams…he’ssupposedtohelpyouachievethem.”

StopGradingOnACurve

“Ladies,stopgradingthesemenonacurve.Eitherhemeetsyourstandardsorhedoesn’t;stopmakingexcusesforhim!”

LonelyInARelationship

“Tobesingleandfeellonelyisunderstandable,buttobeinarelationshipandfeellonely…that’sunacceptable.”

Whenyouaresingle,missingthecompanionshipandinteractionwithsomeoneyouloveandcareaboutisnormal.However,whenyouareinarelationshipandstillfeelthesamelonelinessasyoudidwhenyouweresingle,that’snotnormal.Youhavetoaskyourselfthefollowingquestion,“WhyamIevenwastingmytimeinthisrelationship?”

It’spossiblethathemayhavesimplygottencaughtupinhisdaytodaytasksandhemaynotevenrealizethathe’scausedyoutofeelthewayyoudo.Myadvicewouldbeforyoutotalktohimabouthowyou feel andgivehim theopportunity tomake thenecessary changes. If he does, great. If hedoesn’t,thenmaybeyouneedtostartthinkingaboutmakingsomechangesforyourselfandyourownhappiness.

TheCostOflove

Theysay,“Lovedoesn’tcostathing,”butIdisagreebecausefallinginlovewiththewrongpersoncouldcostyoueverything.

Forthoseofyouwhohavebeeninarelationshipwhere,whenyoufinallywalkedaway,youwerephysically,mentally, andemotionallyexhausted; to thepointwhereyou felt likeyouwere literallystartingyourlifealloveragain,youknowexactlywhatImean.

Forthoseofyouwhohaven’texperiencedthisfeeling,whenyou‘reouttheredecidingwhoyouwillandwhoyouwon‘tgiveyourtimeandultimatelyyourloveto, justremember,yourloveisn’t

free.Ifyoudecidewrong,itcouldcostyoueverything.

CHAPTER

Seventeen

THERIGHTMAN

“Therightmanwon’tbreakyourheart;he’llprotectit.”

HeWon’tWantYouToLowerYourStandards

“Therightmanwon’twantyoutoloweryourstandards;hewouldratherpushhimselftomeetorexceedthem.”

Never let anyone talk you into lowering your standards!Anywoman thatwould complain aboutyour standards being too high has probably already compromised her own. Any man that wouldcomplainaboutyourstandardsbeingtoohighismorethanlikelyusedtodealingwithwomenwhohavenone.

Norealmantakesprideinreachingalevel that iseasilyreached.Thepridecomesfromall thediscipline and thework thatweput into attaining thatwhichothers fail to achieve.Theprocess ofsettingourselvesapartfromtherest…that’swhatwelivefor.Withlove,it’snodifferent.Therightmanwouldratherfightandearnyourloveandtrust thanforyoutosimplygiveit tohim.Inotherwords,arealmanwouldrathernothaveyourloveatallthantogetitbydefault.

Nevercompromiseyourstandardsbecausesomewhereoutthere,there’sagoodmanwhoisnotonlywilling,butmorethancapableofmeetingorexceedingthem.

PrideInYourHappiness

“Therightmanwilltakeprideinyourhappiness.Heknowsthatthehappieryouare,thehappierhewillbe.”

He’llNeverJudgeYou

“Amandoesn’tnecessarilyhavetoagreewithyourpast,butheshouldbewillingtoacceptitifhewantstobeapartofyourfuture.”

The rightmanwill never judgeyoubyyourpast. Instead, he’ll choose to respect the realnessofyourjourneytobecomingthebeautiful,strongwomanthatyouaretoday.Hewillunderstandthatnoone’sperfect;however,youare theperfectculminationofallyourpastexperiences,both thegoodandthebad,andwithallthingshavingbeenconsidered…hewillstillbelievethatyouareperfectforhim.

WhenYouKnowYouAreLovedAndRespected

“Hisphysicalstrengthmaybringyouthecomfortofknowingyouareprotected,butit’shisabilitytoattendtoyouremotionalneedsthatgivesyouthepeaceofmindthatcomeswithknowingyouareloved

andrespected.”

Findyourplaceofpeaceinthearmsoftheonethattrulylovesandrespectsyou;andwhenyoudo…holdonwithallyourmightcauseyougotagoodman.

WhenTheRightManComesAlong

“Whenit’stherightman,youwon’thavetochange;he’llloveyoujustthewayyouare.”

Whentherightmancomesalong,inhiseyes,themostbeautifulthingaboutyouwillbewhoyouare as a woman. To him, it will be the little things you never even think about thatmake you soamazing.

TheRightManWillFindStrengthInUnity

“Therightmanmaydisagreewithyouinprivate,butinpublic…hewillalwayshaveyourback.”

TheRightMan’sLove

“Whentherightmanwalksintoyourlifeandlovesyouthewayyoudeservetobeloved,yourwholeperspectiveonlifewillchange.”

MoreThanJustYourMan

“Therightmanwillwanttobemoretoyouthanjustyourman;he’llwanttobeyourbestfriend,yourconfidant,andtheonepersoninthisworldtoneverdisappointyou.”

To the rightman, it’ssomuchbigger than justsimplybeingyourman. It’sabout filling inat themostimportantpositionsinyourlife.It’sabouthimbeingtheoneyoucanconfidein…theoneyoucantalktoaboutanything.It’sabouthimbeingthefirstoneyoucometoinallyourmajordecisions.Tohim,themostvaluablethinginhislifeisbeingthemostvaluablepersoninyours.

He’s“Ready”

“Therightmanwillfindhimselfbeforehelooksforyou.”

Manymenhavesight,butonlyafewhaveavision.Visioniswhatallowsmentounderstandwherewearegoingandwhatitwilltaketogetthere.

Ladies,findamanwithavision.That’stheonlywaytobesureyoutwoareheadedforthesamedestination.

TheMostBeautifulThingsAbout

You

“Therightmanwillseeyouinawaythatonlyamanwhotrulylovesandadoresyoucanseeyou:withhisheartandnotwithhiseyes.”

Themostbeautifulthingsaboutyoucan’tbeseenortouched;theycan’tbecapturedinaphotographorrecordedonavideo.Themostbeautifulthingsaboutyouwillgounseenbythemanwhoseesyouonlywithhiseyesandnotwithhisheart.Butthemanwhotakesthetimetoreallygettoknowyou,tolistentoyou,andtoultimatelyunderstandyou,willseeyouverydifferently.Thatmanwillseeyourbeautyasablindmanwoulddescribeit;notbasedonwhathesees,butbasedonhowhefeels.

You see, the rightmanwill appreciate your beauty on the outside, but he’ll love you for yourbeautyontheinside.

NOTES:

Describetherightmanforyou.Thecatchis,youcannotmentionanythingabouthisphysicalorfinancialassets.Iwantyoutofocusspecificallyonhowhewouldmeetyouremotional,mentalandspiritualneeds.

Memorize this listso thatwhenyoumeetaman,regardlessofhis looksorhismoney,youcan

closeyoureyesandaskyourselfwhetherornothelooksanythinglikethis list.Notbasedonwhatyousee,butbasedonhowhemakesyoufeel.Ifhedoesremindyouofyourlist,that’sagoodstart;butifhedoesn’t,youmaywanttoreconsiderwhetherornothe’srightforyou.

PartII

ForHim

CHAPTER

Eighteen

FROMONEMAN

TOANOTHER

“Ifyouloveher,bestrongenough,notonlytotellher,buttoshowheraswell,orbestrongenoughtowatchherbelovedbysomeoneelse.”

PayAttentionToOneWoman

“Ibelievethatifsomemenwouldjuststoptryingtoimpressallwomenandsimplyfocusonthephysicalandemotionalneedsoftheonetheyarewith,theirliveswouldbefarlessexpensiveand

muchmorefulfilling.”

Amanwill getmore fulfillment from the loveofonewoman thanhewill from the attentionofmany.Hesimplyneedstofocusonthewomanhe’swith,letgooftherestandeverythingelsewillfallintoplace.

IfYouDon’tTalkToHer

“Ifyoudon’ttalktoher,foratleastanhoureachday,you’llhavenoideaaboutwhatisgoingoninherlife.”

Ifyouarereallyinterestedinwhatisgoingoninherlife,youwilltakethetimetotalktoherandlistentowhatshehastosay.

Myadviceisthatyoushouldmakeeveryefforttobeapartofwhat’sgoingonwithheronadaytodaybasis.Ifyoudon’t…someoneelsewill.

HerSilenceSpeaksVolumes

“Awoman’ssilenceisoneofhermostpowerfulformsofcommunication;itconveysemotions,sointense,thatnowordscouldpossiblydescribehowshefeelsatthatmoment.”

Ifyoufindyourselfonthereceivingendofawoman’ssilenttreatmentandarecuriousastowhetheror not you should be concerned, the answer is…YES! Sometimes, all she needs is a little time.

Whateveryoudo,don’tforcetheissue.Whenyoufeelabreakinthetension,sitdownwithherandtalktoheraboutwhat’sbotheringher.Remember,don’ttrytojustifyyouractionsat thispoint.Sheneedsyoutosimplylistentowhatshehastosay.Whenshe’sfinished,acknowledgeherfeelingsandworkwith her to resolve the issue. It’s not aboutwinning or losing orwho’s right orwrong; it’sabout the two of you understanding and respecting each other and working together to move therelationshipforward.

Talk“To”Her

Talk“to”herandnot“at”her…there’sadifference.

It’s not alwayswhat you say, but howyou say it and the tone you choose to use that often turn asimplediscussionintoanargument.Whenyoutalk“to”her,youareconsiderateofherfeelingsandheropinions.Whenyoutalk“at”her,youaredisregardingboth,andshecanfeelit.

My thoughts are you should never make demands. Instead, you should make requests orsuggestions.Alwaysconsidergettingherinputonimportantdecisionsrelatedtotherelationshipandeventhingsthatrelateonlytoyou.Showherthatheropinionmatters.Remember,yourtoneandhowyousayitwillhaveahugeimpactonhowshetakesit.Inotherwords,apleasanttonewillgetyouapleasantresponse.Anegativeoraggressivetonewillusuallygetyouanegativeresponse.

StopAsking!

Forthoseofyouwhofinditnecessarytoaskawomanhowmanymenshe’sbeenwithbeforeyou:stopasking!

Forone,whatdoesitreallymatter?Whatifshesays,2or10or20?Shouldwhatshehasdoneinthepast have any impact on how you feel about her today? If it does,maybe shewould be better offfindingsomeonewho’smore interested inwhoshe is todayrather thanwastingher timeonamanwho’smore concernedwithwho shewas fiveyears ago.Besides, tobehonest, it’s aquestion thatmostofusexpectwomentoanswerhonestly,butifwewereaskedthesame,wewouldhaveadifficulttimegivingheranhonestanswer.

Intheend,it’sthepast!Ifyouloveher,acceptallofher,includingallthepastlifeexperiencesthathavecontributedtomakingherthewomansheistoday:boththegoodandthebad.

BeHonestAboutYourIntentions

“Awomanneedsamantobehonestandupfrontwithher,fromthebeginning,abouthisintentions.Don’tletmonths,orevenyearsgobybeforeyoufinallygetthecouragetotellheryou’renotreadyto

commit.”

Don’ttakeawayherabilitytodecidewhat’sbestforherbylyingaboutyourtrueintentions.Justbehonest.Somewomenareopentodifferenttypesofrelationships,whetheritinvolvesacommitmentornot.AllI‘msayingisbeupfrontandhonestwithher.Shehasarighttochoosewhat’sbestforher.

TheOldYou

Ifawomaneversays,“Imisstheoldyou,”thatisawarningtoletyouknowthatyou’vechangedandnotinagoodway.

Sometimesweasmendon‘tpayenoughattentiontothewarningsignsuntilit’stoolate.Commentslike,“youusedtodothatformeallthetime,howcomeyoudon‘tdoitanymore”or“Ireallymisswhenweusedto…”shouldbearedflag.These,amongothers,arenotjustemptycomments;thesecommentssaythatsheisbeginningtolooktothepastportionoftherelationshipforherhappiness,insteadofthepresent.

Mythoughts…payattentiontothesecommentsandtrytoreincorporatewhateveritisshe‘saskingforintoyourcurrentplans.Iffornootherreason,doitbecauseitmakesherhappy.

Boredom

Therearealotofreasonswhyawomancouldloseinterestinaman…“BOREDOM”isoneofthem.

Whenawomansaysshewantsconsistency,shedoesn’tmeanshewantsyoutodothe“samething”over and over. For her, love is a new and exciting experience. Shewants you to be consistent butcreative.Shewantsyou tobring stability,while at the same timebeingable tobe spontaneousand

willingtotrynewandexcitingthingswithher.I’veheardmanywomensaytheylookforwardtospendingeverymomenttheycanwiththeman

they love.That’sbecause theyunderstand that thosemoments, if spentwith the rightman,have thepotentialoflaterbecominggreatmemories.

So, for themen reading this, don‘t be afraid to try somethingdifferent: surprise her. It doesn’thave to be something big. In fact, the best memories are often made from the smaller things.Whateveryoudo,beconsistentwithyourloveandcreativeinhowyoushowit.

CheckYourEgo

“Don’tloseherbecauseyouallowyouregotobecomebiggerthanyourheart.”

W inningisn’teverything,especiallywhenyou’reinarelationshipandtheloserisgoingtobethewomanyoulove.Don‘tletyouregocauseyoutopushanissuewithherthat,intheend,gainsyounothingbut a boost to your ego.As a result, you’ve damagedyour relationshipwith her. I have asayingIgobyanditstatessimplythis,“Wheninarelationship,neverletyouregowriteacheckthatonlyasinglemancancash.”

ToHearTheTruthFromYou

“Everyonemakesmistakes.Sheknowsyou’renotperfect,andshedoesn’texpectyoutobe.Butwhenitcomestothetruth,shewouldmuchratherhearitfromyouthantobeblindsidedandhearitfrom

someoneelse.”

WhenSheTalksToYou

“Whensheshareswithyouherproblems,it’snotthatshe’scomplaining;shesimplytrustsyouenoughtotalktoyouaboutthem.”

For her to open up to you and share with you both the good and bad, is one of the greatestcomplimentsshecouldgivetoyou.Itsaysthatshetrustsyouandrespectsyouropinion.Evenmore,itsaysthatshefeelscomfortabletalkingtoyouandthatthere’snooneelseshewouldrathershareherfeelingswiththanyou.

SpendTime,NotMoney

“MakingagoodwomanfeelsecureintherelationshiphasnothingtodowithhowmuchmoneyyouspendONHER,butratherhowmuchqualitytimeyouarewillingtospendWITHHER.”

Agoodwomanisnot interestedinyourMoneyoryourstatus.Whatshewantsfromyouisyourtime,loyalty,love,commitmentandforyoutotreatherlikenothingelseintheworldmatters.

Overreacting

Thereisnosuchthingasher“overreacting.”Thereactionisadirectreflectionofhowshefeltatthatverymoment.

Foryoutosaytoher,“youareoverreacting”or“you’rebeingtooemotional”istototallydisregardheremotionalstateatthatmoment.Therealityisthatsheismostlikelyrespondingtosomethingthathas been building up inside, for some time, and whatever just occurred was her breaking point.Insteadofcriticizingordisregardingherfeelings,youshouldacknowledgethem.Sitdownandtalkwithhersothattogether,youtwocanresolvetheunderlyingissue.Ifyoudon’t,theissuewillnotgoaway…itwillonlygetworse.

JustBecauseSheSmiles

“Justbecauseshesmiles,doesn’tmeanshe’shappy.Tounderstandhowshereallyfeels,youhavetolethertalkandyouhavetobewillingtolisten.”

TimeVs.QualityTime

Whenshesays“spendtime”withher,sheisactuallysayingshewantsyoutospend“qualitytime”withher.Shedoesn’talwayssay“quality”becauseshefiguresthatshouldgowithoutsaying.

Spendingtimemeansmoretoherthansimplyyoutwobeinginthesamehouseorroomatthesametime;itmeansengagingheronaphysical,mental,andemotionalplaneaswell.Sometimes,wethinkjustbecausewesharethesamephysicalspace,weare“spendingtime”wheninfact,ifyouareinthesameroomwithherandnotengagingheronsomelevel,you’rewastingtime.

TrueValueOfLove

“Truevalueisfoundintheloveofagoodwoman,notmaterialthings.Themostvaluablethingthatyou,asaman,couldeverhaveisnotyourwatch,caroryourhouse,it’stherealloveofthegoodwomansittingthererightnexttoyou.Theonewhowouldstillloveyouandbeonyourside,evenif

youlostallthosematerialthingstomorrow.”

Agoodwoman’sloveisalwaysloyal.Whenwasthelasttimemoneywasloyaltoyou?

WhenSheSays,“I’mOkay”

Whenshesays,“I’mokay”itdoesn’tnecessarilymeanthatshe’sokay.Youhavetoreallygettoknowhertounderstandherandknowthedifference.

Youhavetolearntospeakherlanguage.Youhavetolearntosometimesbypassherwordsandfeel

thevibeshe’sgivingyou.Thatiswhatwilltellyouwhetherornotthingsaretruly“okay”ornot.Iftheyare,great;butifthey’renot,talktoher.Don’tlettoomuchtimepasswithoutfindingoutwhat’sonhermind.Ifyoudo,thingsmayjustgetworse.

She’sNotStupid

“She’snotstupid!Don’ttrytoplayherlikesheis.You’reinsultingherintelligence.Ifyou’renotcareful,you’llonedayfindyourselfontheoutsidewishingyoucouldgetbackin.”

IfYouAreCheating…SheKnows

“Ifyou’recheatingandyouthinkshedoesn’tknow…sheknows.Shemaynothaveenoughevidencetoproveitrightnow,butdeepdowninside,sheknows;Herintuitionisfoolproof.It’sonlyamatterof

timenow.”

CHAPTER

Nineteen

SHEHASHER

LIMITS

“Agoodwoman’sloveispowerful.Someofyouhaveagoodwomanandwillneverexperiencethetruepowerofherlovebecauseyourinconsistenciespreventherfrombeingabletofullyloveyoutheway

shewantsto.”

She’sWillingToFightForYou

“Agoodwomaniswillingtofightlongandhardforthemanshelovesandbelievesin;butjustbecauseshe’swillingtofightforyou,doesn’tmeanshewon’tleaveyou,ifyoutakeherloyaltyfor

granted.”

WhenYouChange

“Whenagoodwomanleaves,it’susuallynotbecauseofanotherman;butratherbecauseyou’vechangedandthemanyou’vebecome,isnolongerthesameastheoneshefellinlovewith.”

InconsistentLove

“Ifyourloveisn’tconsistent,Shewillperceiveittobenon-existent.”

SheWouldRatherLetGo

“Shewouldratherletgoofyoualtogetherthantotryandholdontobitsandpiecesofarelationshipthatyou’renolongercommittedto.”

SheCan’tTalkToYou

“Oneofthebiggestmistakesyoucouldmakeistocausethewomanyoulovetofeellikeshecan’ttalktoyou.”

Onceshefeels likeshecan’tcommunicatewithyou,shebecomesfrustrated.Thatfrustrationwillslowlyturnintoangerandresentment.Thelittlethingsthenbecomethebigthings.Beforeyouknowit,you’rearguingoversomethingthat,toyou,seemssmall;buttoher,it’snottheonething,it’sthecombinationofallthethingsshefeelslikeshecan’ttalktoyouabout.

My thoughts…take the time to, not only listen to her, but encourage her to talk to you abouteverything.Youdon’talwayshavetoagreewithher,butyoushouldalwaysbewillingtolistentoher.

Intheend,that’soneofyourresponsibilitiesasherman;ifshecan’ttalktoyou,thenwho?

YouCan’tBeMad

Youcan’tbemadatherforleavingwhenyouaretheonewhopushedheraway.Whatwasshesupposedtodo?Nomatterhowstrongsheis,there’sonlysomuchshecantakebeforeshefinallysays,

“Enough!”

Agoodwomandoesn’tleavethemanshelovesforanotherman;sheleavesbecausesheisunhappy,andshefeelsasifleavingistheonlyoptionshehasleft.

She’s tiredof trying to talk about thingswith amanwho refuses to listen.She’s tiredof beingignoredandtreatedlikeherfeelingsdon’tmatter.She’stiredoffeelingliketheonlytimeshecangetanyaffection,fromthemansheloves,isduringsex…she’stired.Allshewantsisforyoutoloveherandtreatherlikeshematters.

Ifyoureallyandtrulyloveher,don’tpushheraway.AllIaskisthatyouputyourprideaside,foramoment,andjustthinkaboutit.

HardForHerToWalkAway

“It’snevereasy.”

It’snevereasyforagoodwomantowalkaway;especiallyaftershe’sinvestedsomuchofherselfintomakingitwork.Justknow,thatbythetimeshefinallydecidestoleave,she’sgivenyoucountlesschancesanddebated the idea,overandover inherhead,at least1000times.She’sexhausted;she’sfrustratedandtotallyheartbrokentohavetowalkawayfromamanwho,deepdowninside,shestilllovesandisstillwillingtofightfor.

Oftenshewillleavethedoorslightlyopen,forashortperiod,inhopesthatyouwillcomearound,butifyouwaittoolong…she’llbegoneforever.

NOTES:

List5thingsthatyouthinkwerecontributingfactorstoyourpastrelationshipsnotworkingout.

1. _________________________________________

2. _________________________________________

3. _________________________________________

4. _________________________________________

5. _________________________________________

Now, take a step back and ask yourself what role, if any, your actions or inactions may haveplayedincausingtheaboverelationshiptofail.

Finally, write down how you are going to change those things so that your current or futurerelationshipshaveabetterchanceofsucceedingandtheydon’tendwiththesameresultsasyourpastrelationships.

CHAPTER

Twenty

WHATSHEWANTS…WHATSHENEEDS…

“Shewantstogiveintoyou;mind,body,andsoul.Allsheneedsfromyouistheassurancethatyouwon’tmakeherregretitintheend.”

HowCanYouBlameHer?

“She’sbeenliedto,cheatedonandhadherheartbrokenbyamanshe’dgivenyearsofherlifeto.Hesteppedonherlove,violatedhertrustanddisrespectedher.Afterallthat,whocanblameherfor

questioningtheintentionsofamanshejustmet?”

Toooften,weasmencomplainabouthowwomenbringtheresultsofapastbrokenheartintotheirnewrelationships.Myquestionis,whocanblameher?

Ibelieve,asawhole,toomanyofuslookattheproblemfromthewrongperspective.Wespendallour timecomplainingabout the resultsand ignore the fact thatouractions,asmen,are largelyresponsibleforcreatingtheresultsinthefirstplace.Remember,it’scausefirstandtheneffect,nottheotherwayaround.Ifwewantwomentochangethenwehavetogivethemabetterpastexperiencetopullfrom;wehavetostopactinglikenoneofthisisourfault,acceptresponsibilityforitandchangeit.

She’sLookingForYourPatienceAndUnderstanding

“Shedoesn’tblameyou.She’slookingforyoutochangeherwholeexperienceandgiveherareasontoloveonemoretime.”

She’sagoodwomanwhohashadherheartbrokenoverandoverbythemenshe’slovedinthepast.Shehasarighttobefrustratedandupset.Don’tminimizeherpain.Whenyoudo,shefeelsevenmorefrustratedthatyoudon’tunderstandall thatshe’sbeenthroughandhowshefeels.Remember,she’snotlookingforyoursympathy,she’slookingforyourpatienceandunderstanding.

SheNeedsAManWhoIsNotAfraid

Sheneedsamanwhoisnotafraidtogivehimselfcompletelytoherwithoutfearofconsequenceandwithoutpause.

Amannotafraidtoallowhimselftobecomeemotionallyvulnerableinordertomakethatdeepconnectionshesoneeds.

Aloveconnectionsodeepthatitsitsattheveryfootstepsofhersoul.Now,I’mnottalkingaboutanordinarylove,I’mtalkingaboutthatnextleveltypeoflove;

Thattypeoflovethatonlyfairytalebooksspeakof.That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.

MoreThanJustHerMan

Sheneedsyoutobemorethanjustherman.Sheneedsyoutobeherbestfriendandherconfidant;foryoutobehervoiceofreason,whensheneedsadvice,

andhersoundboardwhensheneedstovent.Attheendoftheday,sheneedsyoutobetheoneperson

who,nomatterhowterriblethestorm,shecanalwayscountontoprotectherfromtherain.

Sheneedsallofthistobeconsistent,somethingshecancountontoneverchange.That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.

DefendHerHonor

“Awomanwantsamanthatsheknowswillstepuptodefendherhonor,regardlessoftheconsequences,whethershe’sthereornottodefendherself.”

SheNeedsAStrongMan

“Astrongwomandoesn’tneedamantotakecareofher.Whatsheneedsisamansecureenoughtounderstandthatandnotbeintimidatedbyit.”

ValueHerOpinion

“Shewantsamanwhorespectsandvaluesheropinion;amanshefeelscomfortableenoughtobeabletodisagreewithwithoutthefearofitalwaysturningintoafull-blownargument.”

TalkAboutAnythingAndEverything

“Shewantsamanshecantalktoaboutanythingandeverythingbecauseshefeelsjustthatcomfortablewithhim.”

SheWantsYourAttention

“Shewantstheattentionfromyou,herman,notastranger;asimplecomplimentfromyou,attherighttime,couldchangeherwholeday.”

Sheknowswhenitcomesfromyou,it’soutoflove;butwhenitcomesfromastranger,it’smoreoftenthannot,outoflust.

Withthatinmind,takeeveryopportunitytoputasmileonthefaceofthewomanyoulove.Afterall,whatgreaterfeelingistherethantoknowthatsheishappyandsmiling,andyou’rethereasonforit.

She’dRatherHearYourVoice

“Shewouldmuchratherhearyourvoicethanreadyourtext.”

It’snot thewordsyouspeak,but theemotionsyouconveythroughyourspeed, tone,andstyle thatgiveherinsightintoyoursincerity.

Inhermind,thewords“Iloveyou”or“Imissyou”maylookgoodinatext,butwhenshehearsyousaythemandyouractionssupportit…itsimplyfeelsgood.

BeDifferentThanHerEx

Don’ttrytobe“better”thanherex,be“different”fromherex.She’stiredofthesameoldthing.She’sreadyforyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.

Thecompetitionisover:youwon.Ifshewantedmoreofwhathehadtooffer,shewouldhavegonebacktohim,butinstead,shechoseyou.Don‘tgivehermoreofthesamething.Createawholenewlaneandshowhersomethingdifferent.

NoticeTheSmallThings

“Whenyoudon’ttakethetimetonoticethelittlethings,suchashernewhairstyle,orhernewnailcolororoutfit,shenotonlynotices,butshemakesamentalnoteofthefactthatyoudidn’tnoticeas

well.”

Payattentiontothelittlethingsthatshedoesanddon‘tbeafraidtocomplimenther.Youmaythinkthatshewon‘tnoticeorthatitdoesn’tmatterbutitdoes.Shecaresaboutyouropinion.Plus,shedoesthesethings,notonlyforherself,butattimes,foryouaswell.

Ateverychance,letherknowhowbeautifulsheisandthatyoutrulyappreciateher.

ChallengeHer

“Challengehertobethebestshecanbe.Sometimes,justknowingyousupportherisalltheextrapushsheneeds.”

You,beinghermanandoneofthemostimportantpeopleinherliferightnow,yoursupportmeansalottoher.Shelookstoyoutochallengeherandsupporthereverystepoftheway.Ifshecan’tcountonyou,thenwho?Youhavetounderstandthatshemaygetfrustratedattimesandsaythatshedoesn’tneedyourhelp.Shemayalsotellyouthatshecandoitallonherown,andthatmaybetruetoo,butattheendoftheday,you’rehermanandbecauseshehasyou…sheshouldn‘thaveto.

KeepHerClose

“Payattentiontoher.Talktoher.Listentoher.Loveher.Respecther.Keephersoclosethatyouleavenoroomforhertodoubt.”

Doubt comes from there being distance between the two of you; whether that distance is in aphysical,mentaloremotional form, the resultcanbeverystressfulonyour relationship.Themanthatunderstandsthiswilldoeverythinginhispowertokeepherclose,leavinghernoroomtodoubthisloveforherandhisuncompromisingloyaltyandcommitmenttoherandtherelationship.

LoveIsNotAbout“Cuffing”ForASeason

Realloveisnotabout“cuffing”herforaseason.It’saboutsettingherheartfreetoloveandtrustyouwithoutthefearofconsequencesforalifetime.

Toremoveherfears,youhavetomakeherfeelsecureintherelationship.Tomakeitlastalifetime,youhavetobewillingtocommittoher.That’sthetypeofloveagoodmangives…that’sthetypeofloveagoodwomanneeds.

MakeItBelievable

“Simplytellingheryouloveherisnotenough,youhavetoconsistentlyshowheraswell.It’sthecombinationofthetwothatmakesitbelievable.”

Whenyouonlysaythatyouloveher,shestillhasquestionsbecauseshehearsit,butsheneverseesit.Whenyouonlyshowherthatyouloveher,shestillhasquestionsbecausesheseesit,butsheneverhearsit.However,whenyoutellherthatyouloveher,andyoushowheraswell,shenotonlyseesitandhearsit,butshenowfeelsit.Andthefeelingofbeingtrulyloved,iswhatmakesitbelievable.

TakeHerBreathAway

That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.Yousee,sheneedsamanthatcantakeherbreathaway

andmakeithardforhertobreathe.Sheneedsamanthatmakesherfeelsoweak

thatshedropsdowntoherknees;butnotforthereasonyouthink.

Yousee,eventhewrongmancancatchhereye,butonlytherightmancancaptureherimagination

andstimulatehermind.Sowhenshedropsdowntoherknees,it’stothankGod

forhishand,inputtingherintherightplace,attherighttime,

tomeettherightman.That’sallsheeverwanted….that’sallsheeverneeded.

WhatAreHerDreams

Whatareherdreamsandambitions?

Haveyouaskedher?Ifnot,why?

That’sabigpartofbeingherman.Howcanyousupportwhatyoudon’tknow?

PartIII

ForBothOfYou

CHAPTER

Twenty-One

MAKINGITWORK

“Whentheloveisreal,youwon’thavetofindtimeforeachother…you’llmaketime.”

PartOfTheSolution

“It’shardforeitherofyoutohelpfindasolutionwhenyoubothrefusetorecognizethatyouractionsorinactionsmaybeapartoftheproblem.”

It’saloteasierforyoutoblameeachother,foralloftheproblemsintherelationship,thantoacceptthefactthatyouractionsorinactionsmayhavecausedatleastsomeoftheproblemsinthefirstplace.Thisgoesbothways.Inorderforyoutobeable tofindviablesolutions toanyproblem,youbothhavetobewillingtoacceptthefactthatyou,yourself,maybeapartoftheproblemtobeginwith.Ifyoubothtakethisapproachandarehonestwithyourselvesandeachother,yourdiscussions,whichpreviouslywouldhave turnedintoarguments,shouldbecomemoreproductive.That’sbecauseyouwillhaveshiftedfroma“blame”basedwayofthinkingtoamore“solution”basedwayofthinking.

Remember,thegoalofthediscussionisnotforeitherpersontowin.Thegoalistofindasolutionthatworksforbothofyouandallowsyourrelationshiptomoveforwardinapositivedirection.

ArgumentsDon’tSolveAnything

“Argumentsdon’tsolveanything.Thelouderyouget,thelesstheotherpersonlistens;intheend,youmaythinkyouhavewon…butatwhatcost?”

Don’triskyourhappinessoversomethingthatmeansnothingmoretoyouthanapersonalstroketoyourego.Remember,youtwoareonthesameteam.Thatmeansifoneofyoulose,youbothlose.Youcanminimizeyourargumentsbynotplayingthe“blamegame.”Ifthere’saproblem,lookforasolutionthatisinthebestinterestoftherelationship.

Don’tMakeRulesThatYouWon’tFollow

“Stopmakingrules,inyourrelationship,thatyouexpectthemtofollow,butyouareunwillingtofollowyourself.”

If therearegoing tobe rules, then the rulesshouldbeagreeduponandequallyapplied. Ifoneormorerulesaregoing tobeapplieddifferently, thenbothofyoushouldagree to it (not justoneofyou).Noonepersoninarelationshipshouldhaveprivilegeovertheother;it’sapartnership,notadictatorship. Iknowtheysay that life isn’talwaysfair,but inmyopinion,your relationshipshouldalwaystrytobe.

Don’tBecomeAStranger

“Whenwasthelasttimeyoutwojustsatdownandtalked?Don’tlettheoneyoulovebecomeastranger…maketimeforeachothertoday.”

Often timeswebecomesowrappedup inourday-to-dayactivities thatweforget to justsitdownandtalktotheoneswelove.Therearesomepeopleoutthere,rightnow,whoareatthepointwheretheywalkinandoutofroomswithoutspeakingtoeachother;theypasseachotherinthehallwayasiftheotherpersondoesn’tevenexist,andtheysleepinthesamebedphysically,butemotionally,they’reseparated.

Don’teverletthisbecomeyou.Alwaysmaketimeforeachother.

TheMagicIsInYourPresence

“Taketimetomaketimeforeachother.”

Theysaythatabsencemakestheheartgrowfonder,butIbelievethatabsencemakestwoheartsgrowapart.Remember howyou fell in love; itwasn’t all the time you spent away from each other thatcausedyoutofeelthewayyoudo,butratherthosepowerfulmomentsthatyouspenttogether.

When it comes to love, the magic is found in the presence, not the absence. Too much of anabsenceandthemagicbeginstofadeaway.

HealthyRelationship

“Healthy,strongrelationshipsarebaseduponbuildingup,nottearingdown.”

Forarelationshiptosurvive,bothofyouneedtofeellikeyouhaveanequalsayinmattersandthatyouropinioncounts.Foroneofyoutoteartheotherdownwithverbalabuse,physicalabuseorothermethods of intimidation, serves no other purpose but to weaken the unit as a whole. This willultimatelydestroyyourrelationship.

Insteadoftearingeachotherdown,focusonwaystobuildeachotherup;supportandencourageeach other through bothwords and actions. The goal should be to grow stronger every day as acouple.Activelytaketimetofocusonthis.Actasifyouwerebeingwatchedeverydayandthatyouwouldreceiveagradeonyourperformanceattheendofeachday.It’safactthatwhenyoufocusoncertainthings,youperformbetteratthosethingsthanwhenyoudon’tfocusonthem.Iknowitsoundslikealotofwork,buttrustme,onceyou’vechangedyourwayofthinking,anditbecomesahabit,itwill get easier. In the end, your relationshipwill continue to growwithout limits! So today…let’sfocus!

NothingComesBetweenYou

“Aslongasyoulovehimandhelovesyouandyoubotharefullycommittedtomakingitwork,nothingornoonecanevercomebetweenyou.”

That’sthetruepowerofmutualloveandcommitment.Itcreatesanimpenetrablecircleoflovethatcan’tbebrokenfromtheoutside…onlyfromtheinside.

TalkingAboutAnything

“Ifyoutwocantalktoeachotheropenlyandhonestlyaboutanythingandeverything,youtwocangetthroughanythingandeverything.”

StrengthOfYourRelationship

“Whenthingsgethard,don’tjustgiveupwithouttrying;it’sthosehardtimesthatoftenhelpdefinethetruestrengthoftherelationship.”

CHAPTER

Twenty-Two

LOVE

“Makehersmile.Makeherlaugh.Makeherfeelsobeautifulthatallshewants

todoisholdyouinherarmsanddanceallnight.”

WhatDoesLoveMeanToYou

Loveisprobablyoneofthemostpowerfulandmisusedwordinourvocabulary.Ifyouask100differentpeoplewhatlovemeanstothem,youwouldprobablyget100differentanswers.Here’smytake:loveistheindescribablewaysomeonemakesyoufeelinside.It’safeelingthegripsyouattheverycoreofyoursoul;onethatmakesyoufeellikenothingelse.Forawoman,it’scomforting,

reassuringandprovidesherwithasenseofpeaceandsecurity.Foraman,itstrengthensourresolve,givesusasenseofpurpose,andtheconfidencetobelievewecanaccomplishanything.

IF I were one of 100 asked, that would be my answer. Different people equate love with manydifferentthings.Someequateitwithmoneywhileothersmayequateittosomethingelse.I’mnothereto saywhich is right orwrong nor am I here trying to judge anyone.All I ask is that you take amomentandaskyourselfwhatlovemeanstoyou.Onceyouhaveyouranswer,you’llknowexactlywhatkindofloveyou’dbewillingtoacceptfromsomeoneelse.

AGoodWoman’sTrueLove

“Whenawomantrulylovesaman,theonlypersonwhocanmessthatupisthatmanhimself.”

A woman’s true love for man is foolproof; she’ll be with her man, side-by-side with her manthroughanythingandeverything.Ifthateverchanges,it’smostoftenbasedonsomethinghedidordidnotdobecausenooneelsehasthatpower;notherfriends,notherfamily…noone.Noonehasthepowertochangeawoman’strueloveforhermanexceptthemanshetrulyloves.

GiveHer100%OrNothingAtAll

“Ifyouaregoingtoloveher,giveher100%ornothingatall.Anythinglessandyouare,notonly

cheatingher,butyouarecheatingyourselfaswell.”

SheStillBelieves

“Ifshedecidestogiveyouasecondchance,it’susuallynotbecauseyoudeserveit;butratherbecauseshestillbelievesinyouandtheideathatlove,ifgiventhechance,willsomehowprevailintheend.”

DearLove

“Dearlove,youarehergreatestaddiction,oneforwhichshedesiresnocure.Andshewillneverneedrehab

aslongasyoukeepit100%pure.”

Awoman’sgreatestaddictionisnothershoes,handbags,orshopping,butratherit’sthefeelingshegetswhensheknowsshe’strulyloved;thatis…hergreatestaddictionofall.

OldWayToLove

Withallthenewandimprovedwaystodothingsintheworldtoday,shestillprefersyourlovetheold-fashionedway.Shedoesn’tmindreadingyourtexts,butshewouldmuchratherhearyourvoice.It’sokaytoFaceTime,butshewouldmuchratherspendqualitytimewithyou.Tobehonest,shewantsyoutobesoupcloseandpersonalwithherthatyouleavenoroomforanythingtocomebetweenthetwo

ofyou…noteventechnology.

LettingGoOfEverything

“Youhavetobewillingtoletgoofeverythingtobeabletoholdeachotherforever.”

HoldingHands

Callitbeingold-fashioned,butshestilllovesitwhenyouholdherhand.There’sjustsomethingaboutthatphysicalconnectionthatreallydoesitforher.Somehow,itallowsyoutospeaktoherspiritand

sayinafirm,yetgentlevoice,“Relax,youdon’thavetoworryaboutanything…Igotyou.”

HandWrittenLoveLetters

“Handwrittenloveletters;therarejewelofthepastthatsomehowwasabletoconveyemotionsthattoday’stextmessagecannot.”

There’sjustsomethingaboutbeingabletopouryourfeelingsoutinahand-writtenletterthataddssomethingmore to it than simply typing it out in a textmessage.Maybe, it’s the time spent;whoknows.AllIknowisthatreadingaletter,thatwaswrittenbytheoneyoulove,justfeelsdifferent.Youshouldtryit.Youneverknow,youmightjustdiscoversomethingincredibleabouteachother.

GrandparentsStyleOfLove

Thinkaboutitforasecond…theydidn’thaveanyemail,cellphones,textmessages,Twitter,Facebook,orInstagramandtheymadeitwork.Notbecauseitwaseasier,butbecause,backthen,theyhadtospendqualitytimewitheachotherbecausetherewasnootherwaytomakeitwork.Maybethat’sa

lessonfromthepastthatwecanalllearnfrom.Taketimetospendtime…itworks.

AppreciateHer

“Appreciatethebeautifulwomansheisandneverletherfallasleepwithoutknowingthatsheistrulylovedandadoredbyyou.”

TheJourneyOfLove

“Loveislessaboutthedestinationandmoreaboutthebeautyofthejourney…makeitunforgettable.”

CHAPTER

Twenty-Three

PASSIONAND

ROMANCE

“Goodcompany,goodconversation,anicelydimlitroom,softmusicandaglassofsomethingsmoothisallsheneedsrightnow.”

SomethingDifferent1

Shewantsyoutoburncandlesthatarescented;Shewantsrosepetalsatherfeetasshewalksdownthe

hallwayofpassiontoecstasy…Shewantsyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.

Shewantstohearadifferentsongwithalittlemorebeattoit.

Shewantsyouto,notonlykissit,buttospeaktoit…

Shewantsyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.Shewantsyoutomakelove,

notonlytoherbody,buthermindtoo.Shewantstofeeltheanticipation

beforeyouslidethrough.Shewantsyoutochangeeverything

she’severbeenusedto…Shewantsyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.

SomethingDifferent2

That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.Yousee,shewantsyoutowalkintothatbedroom

wearingallblackeverything.Whileshestandsthereinthemiddleoftheroom

wearingthatsexyblackdressandthosesexyblackheels,

shewantsyoutograbheraroundthewaist,pinherbackagainstthewallandletherknow

it’sabouttogetreal.Yousee,passionspeakslouderthanwordsandallthatnonsenseshe’salreadyheard…

She’sreadyforyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.

WatchYouSleep

Hejustwantstowatchyousleep.Asyouliethereinthebednexttohim

withyoureyesclosedandyourbeautifulbodystillholdingthescentfromthebathfullofroses…

Hejustwantstowatchyousleep.Foryoutolayyourheadonhischestandletthewarmthofyourbreathbreathefireintohissoul.

Idon’tthinkyou’lleverknowjusthowgooditfeelsforhimtosimplyjustbethere…

towatchyousleep.

RealLoveAndRealPassion

Sheneedsrealloveandrealpassion.Thattypeofloveandpassion

thatgoesbeyondthefathomsofwhathermindandbodycanevenimagine…

That’swhatsheneeds.Yousee,

sheneedstofeelthesensationofastrongman’sinternalheat,

forittoburndeepdownintohersoulinaplacewhereonlyheavenandearthmeet…

That’swhatsheneeds.Sheneedsaboldmanwithafireforpassion,

onethatbelievesintakingcontrolanddon’tbelieveinasking…

That’swhatsheneeds.

NotIntimidatedByHerSexuality

Sheneedsamanthat’snotintimidatedbyhersexuality.

Amanthat’snotafraidtoexploreherfantasiesandmakethemherreality.

Yousee,agrownwomanhasherownvisionsandaninsecuremancanmakeherfeellikeshe’s

lockedinaprison.Butasecureman,he’llsethermindandbodyfree;freetobeanythingshewantstobewithoutfearofbeingjudged.

Freetobeawomaninthedayandafreakinthedark,allinthenameoflove…That’swhatsheneeds.

WalkWithHer

Takeawalkwithher.Findanintimateplacewheretheambiance

issobeautifulthatitcanneverbeerasedfromhermind,body,orhersoul;

Takeawalkwithherandjusttalk.Thepowerofyouwalkingandholdingherhand,nexttoarestlessoceanasitcrashesdown

anderasesthefootstepsinthesandisunforgettable;Justwalkwithher.

You’lllearnmoreaboutherduringthatwalkthanyoucouldhaveeverlearnedduringathousand

moviesorathousandmeals.You’lllearnaboutherdreams,herpassions,andher

painsthatshemayormaynotconceal;Justwalkwithher.

WhenTheDayIsFinallyOver

Whenthedayisfinallyover,shewantsyoutomaketimetochange

herviewoftheworld.Shewantsyoutodimthelights,playherfavoritesong

andsittheretalkingandlaughingaboutwhateverisgoingoninherlife.

Shewantstofinallyfallasleepinyourarms.Shewantsyoutograbthewineglassfromherhand,

thenstandandgentlypickherupandcarryherofftoafarawayland,

wherethebedsaremadeofgoldandthefloorsaremadeofsand.

Yousee,it’snotthathardtounderstand,thatattheendoftheday,allshewantsistospendthatquality

timewithyou,herman.

“Takehersomewhereshe’sneverbeen;Showhersomethingshe’sneverseen,andmakeherfeellikeshe’sneverfelt.”

-Mr.AmariSoul

PartIV

MyPrivateCollection

CHAPTER

Twenty-Four

PERSONALTHOUGHTS

YouDeserveBetterThanMe

WhenIlookatyou,IstillseeallthepainIputyouthrough.

Themake-uponyoureyescan’thidethepainyoufeelinside…Iknow.

IfIcouldchangethepastIwould.I’dtakeitallbackifIcould…

Youdeservesomuchbetterthanme.

AllyourfriendswouldsayIwaswrongforleadingyouonlikeIwasreadytocommit,

whileknowingdeepdowninside,Iwasstillonthatnonsense.

Iwasayoungmanplayingayoungboy’sgame,suchaselfishthing…

Youdeservesomuchbetterthanme.

IfIwereyouIwouldbepackingallmythingsandleavingtheminthemiddleofthestreet.

Iwouldhavedoneitinaheartbeatbecauseyoudeservesomuchbetterthanme.

HowIwouldjustifyinmymind,stayingoutallnight.

Iwouldtellmyself“I’mtheman”andthatwassupposedtomakeitright.

Asyouwaitedfaithfullyformetocomehome,Iwasinherbeddoingwrong…

Youdeservesomuchbetterthanme.

Sotoday,Iapologizeforallthosesleeplessnights.

IguessIcan’tgetmadwhenIsee,youandhiminthestreetsbecauseyoufinallyfoundbetterthanme.

SheKnowsAndNowIKnow

Sheknowswhatit’sliketobecheatedon;tofeelthatpaininherchestthatmakesit

hardforhertobreathe.Sheknowswhatit’sliketogetthatknotinherstomach

thatmakesithardforhertoeat…sheknows.Sheknowswhatit’sliketocryherselftosleep;

Sheknowswhatit’sliketowanttolockherselfinherbedroomforweeks…sheknows.

Andafterallthoseyearsofbeinglessthanamanitpainsmetothink,

thatsomewhereinmypastsheexistedandshefeltthiswaybecauseofme.

BoundByTheLimits

Dearlove,I’vebeenboundbythelimitsofaman’smind.

Shackledbythechauvinisticidealsoftheman’stime.Andnow…Isearchpassionatelyforabetterplace;

aplacefarbeyondthepastthatcannotbeforgottenorerased.SoIaskofyou…

DearLove,ifbychanceyoupossessedthekey,Iwouldbeyourslaveforever,ifyouwouldjustsetmefree.

MyFears

Asaman,Iusedtosometimesdothingsthatseemedcounterproductivetomy

relationship’sgrowth.Iwouldpullaway;IcreatedproblemswheretherewerenoneandIwouldargueoversmallthingsthatreallymeantnothingtome.

IguessyoucouldsaythatyouandIweresomewhatthesame.Intheend,thecloserwegot,

themoreafraidwebecame.IneverunderstooduntilIbegantoactuallylistento

you.That’swhenIrealized…Iwasjustasafraidofbeinghurtasyouwere.

WhoAmI

WhoamI?Iambutaknightinhisshiningarmor;

Young&Restlessthoughwithoutthedrama.Iamthatsparkwhichignitestheflames;

onethatcontinuouslyburnsevenwhenitrainsinsideyourmind,bodyandsoul,thoughIknow,that

evensmallfirescanlosecontrol.Aswegrow,keepinmindasourspiritscombine

andyourheartbeatsintunewithmine;I‘mjustameremaninthislandwho’strying

toleaveamemorableimpressioninthesandsoftime…WhoAmI?

ANewDayANewPrayer

IusedtoprayandaskGodtosendmeagoodwomanuntilIrealizedIwasdoingitallwrong…soIchangedit.NowwhenIpray,Idon’tsimplyaskthathesendmeagoodwoman,butIaskthatheblessmewithalltheinsight,patienceandunderstandingthatIwillneedtomakeagoodwomanwantto

stay.

AngelOfMine

Ihadadreamlastnight.Inmydream,Iwasapproachedbyawoman.

Icouldn’tseeherface,butshehadthemostbeautifulsetofwingsthatIhadeverseen.Hervoice…assoftandwarmasagentlesummerbreeze.

Ibecamelostinherpresence…Evenmoreso,Ibecameconsumedbyherveryessence.Thisiswhatshesaidtome,“TothemanIlove,I’dbewillingtogiveyouthewingsoffmybackifitwouldhelpyoutofly.AllIaskisthatyouloveme.”

TheUnwrittenLoveLetter

Tomylove,Youarethemostbeautifulbeing

thatIhaveeverseeninmyentirelife.Andnodreamwillevercomparetotherealitythatweshare

orthepassiononthismoonlitnight.Nowasforyou,followyourdreamswhenyouseeyourvisionisclear,

andworrynotaboutcompanionshipforIwillalwaysbenear.Iamyourfriend,indeed,onewhomyoucandependonwheninneed;I’llbeyourbreathwhenyou

cannotbreathe…I’llbeallyou’lleverneed.Throughthegoodtimesandthebad,throughthehappytimesandthesad,

thoughI’llsometimesmakeyoumad…I’llbethebestfriendyou’veeverhad.

Compliments

Notetoself…Mywomanisnotamindreader.

Shespendsanhourormoregettingreadybeforeweleave.Shepayscloseattentiontoeverydetail,fromthehighlightsinherhairtotheshadeshechoosesforhernailcolor.Iseeshe’swearingthatnewdress,andImustadmit,Ilovethewayitbringsoutthecolorinhereyes.Thoseshoes,Iknowthey’reherfavoritebythewayshestandsandsmilesinfrontofthefullbodymirrorrightbeforewewalkoutthedoor.Ialsoknowthatsheonlywearsthemifsheknowsshewon‘tbestandinglongbecausetheyhurtherfeet.Imustsaythough,Idolovethewaytheyaddseveralinchestoherheightandthewaytheyaccenthercalvemuscles.IknowIdon‘talwayssayit,butIthinkitallthetime.Sotoday,I‘msayingthisasafriendlyremindertomyself,aswellastoeveryoneelsewhofindsthemselvesforgettingthisimportantfact:ourwomenarenotmindreaders.Don‘tletonemoresecondpass

withoutlettingherknowjusthowbeautifulandamazingsheis.

MacOrMaybelline

It’snottheMacortheMaybellinethatIseeinmydreams,

butit’sthebeautifulfacethatliesbeneathit.It’snottheeyelinerortheblushthatmakesmefeellike

ayoungboywithacrush…it’syou.It’sthatbeautifulwomanfirstthinginthemorning

beforeyoudowhatyoudo…it’syou.Everydayyouwearthatmaskfortherestoftheworldtosee,

buteverymorningIfeelblessedbecauseyou’vesavedyournaturalbeautyjustforme.

SomethingYouAin’tUsedTo

Iwanttosneakupfrombehindyouandgrabyoubythewaistlineandslowlyguideyoubacktowardsme.Iwantyoutoleanyourheadbackandcloseyoureyesandbeopentowhatevercomestomind.Yousee,I’mnotafraidtocoloroutsidethelinesandchangeeverythingyou’veeverbeenusedto.YouwouldthinkI’dbetryingtobumpandgrind,likethoseotherguys,causethat’ssomethingthatyou’reusedto.YouwouldthinkthatI’dbetryingtorunmyhandsalongyourinnerthighs,causethat’s

somethingthatyou’reusedto.ButI’mnottryingtobumpandgrindnoramItryingtorunmyhandsalongyourinnerthighs,babyI’mjusttryingtogetinsideyourmindcausethat’ssomethingyouain’t

usedto.

IKnowYourSecret

Mostmen,ifyouaskthemwhatisthemostsensitivepartofawoman’sbody,they’llmostlikelyreply,“Herbreasts,herneck,herearormaybeevenherinnerthigh.”I’verealizedthatit’snotyourbreasts,yourneck,yourearoryourinnerthigh…it’syourmind.So,ifamanwantstoreallytakeyoutothatnextlevel,he’llneedtostarttherehoursbeforeheeventouchesyou.Toputitsimply,it’snotjust

aboutthephysical;it’saboutcreatinganemotionalexperiencethatshouldtakeyoutoaplacewherepassionsexplodelikefireworksinyourmindleavingyouphysicallyandemotionallyexhaustedfromthejourney.Somemayagreewhileothersmaynot,butonlythosewhohavebeentheretrulyknow.

Breathe

Iwanttoexhaleyourpast;SoIcaninhaleyourpresenceandbreathelifeintoourfuture.

TheMysteryOfYou

Iwanttoenjoythemysteryofnotknowingyou.Takeineveryexcitingopportunitytolearnyou.Then,

fallinlovewiththeanticipationofonedaytrulyunderstandingyou,sothatIcanbecometotallyobsessedwiththebeautyofdoingallthethingsthatmakeyousmile.

MyFavoriteStory

“It’snotthecoverofabookthatmakesitakeeper…it’sthestory.”

Ifyouwereabook,Iwoulddescribeyouasonewithamostbeautifulcover.Onethatwassosexyanduniquethatitstoodoutfromalltheothers.Now,thatmaybeenoughformetopickyouupandperuseyourpages

becauserelationshipsarelikeanopenbook,andtheintroisthefirstofseveralstages.

But,tobehonest,Ineedmorethanjustaprettycoverformetokeepyou.

Ineedtofallinlovewithyourstoryandyouhavetopromisetofitmeintoyoursequel.

Toallofyougoodmenwhoareactivelylookingtoimproveyourrelationshipandaretrulydedicatedtolearningandunderstandingeverythingthereistoknowaboutmeetingtheemotional

needsofthewomaninyourlife,Isaluteyou.

ISaluteYou

She’ssearchedforsolong,andithasn’tbeeneasy.She’sbeenletdown,liedtoandhadherheartbrokenalongtheway.Ifyouaskher,she’lltellyoushe’dalmostallbutgivenuponlove.Andthenoneday,youshowedup.Yougavetoherwhatshehadspentmanynightsprayingfor:Thefeelingofbeingloved,respected,challenged,supportedandtheemotionalsecuritythatcouldonlycomefromyourunwaveringcommitmenttoherandtherelationship.Andnow,notonlydoesshebelieveintrueloveagain,butshebelievesinyou.Thoughherjourneyhasbeenhard,I’dbewillingtobetthatshe’ddoitalloveragainifitwouldleadherbackintoyourarms.Myfriend,Isaluteyou,fromonemantoanother,forbeingtheexceptionandnottherule…forbeingagoodmantoagoodwomanand

changingherwholeperspectiveonlifeandlove.

Acknowledgments

IwanttotakethisopportunitytofirstthankGodforgivingmethestrengthandtheinsighttowritethisbook.

I’dliketothankmymotherforbeingmygreatestexampleofwhatagoodwomanis.Youalwayshave been and always will be my greatest inspiration. To my father, thank you for continuing toprovide me with invaluable knowledge and wisdom. I’ve never known another man like you.Everyonehasahero…youwillalwaysbemine.

Toallmyfamilyandfriendswhohadapartinhelpingmetocreatethisbook,thankyouforallyoursupportandyourencouragingwords.Icouldnothavedoneitwithoutyou.

Lastly, thank you to my extended social media family on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook andPinterest.EverydayIaminspiredbyyourstoriestocontinuewritinginhopesthattogether,wecanchangetheworld,oneheartatatime.Again,thankyouall.

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