Reflections Of A Man - EPUBSERIES · 2020-04-12 · gain a new perspective on the true value of...
Transcript of Reflections Of A Man - EPUBSERIES · 2020-04-12 · gain a new perspective on the true value of...
ReflectionsOfAMan
MR.AMARISOUL
ReflectionsOfAMan
BlackCastleMediaGroup
ReflectionsOfAMan,Copyright©2015byMr.AmariSoul.AllRightsReserved.Printed in theUnitedStatesOfAmerica.Nopartof thisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwithoutthewrittenpermissionexceptforcasesinvolvingbriefquotationsembodied in critical articles and reviews. For additional information, address Black CastleMediaGroup3727WestMagnoliaBlvd.#310,Burbank,CA91505.
FirstEdition
CoverDesignby:BCMGStudios
CoverPhotographyby:BrandonHarrisPhotography
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDatahasbeenappliedfor.
PaperbackEdition ISBN978-0-9861647-0-5KindleEdition ISBN978-0-9861647-1-2EPUBEdition ISBN978-0-9861647-2-9
Thisbookisdedicatedtomymother.
Mygreatestexampleofwhatagoodwomanis.
CONTENTSCOPYRIGHTCHAPTERSPARTI-FORYOU
MANFACTSTHEWRONGMANAWEAKMANSECRECYVS.PRIVACYTRUSTUNFAITHFULSECONDCHANCESYOUCAN’TCHANGEHIM65WASTEDTIMEHEARTBREAKTHECOURAGETOMOVEONTIMEFORYOUTHEFEAROFSTARTINGOVERBEAUTIFUL,STRONGWOMANSETTINGANEWSTANDARDSOMETHINGSFORYOUTOTHINKABOUT
THERIGHTMAN
PARTII-FORHIM
FROMONEMANTOANOTHERSHEHASHERLIMITSWHATSHEWANTS…WHATSHENEEDS…
PARTIII-FORBOTHOFYOU
MAKINGITWORK
LOVEPASSIONANDROMANCE
PARTIV-MYPERSONALCOLLECTION
PERSONALTHOUGHTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
www.mramarisoul.comwww.facebook.com/mr.amarisoulwww.instagram.com/mr.amarisoulwww.twitter.com/mramarisoulwww.pinterest.com/mramarisoul
Introduction
Thankyou forpurchasing“ReflectionsOfAMan.” It ismysincerehope that thisbookwillbeusedbybothmenandwomentoenhancethequalityoftheirpersonalrelationships.
To the women, I hope this book encourages you to recognize the true value of your love, toreevaluateyourstandards,and tomake thedecision thatyouwillno longersettle foranything lessthansomeonewholovesyou,respectsyou,andtrulymakesyouhappy.
To the men, I hope this book will not only encourage you to want to learn more about theemotionalneedsofawoman,butthatitwillprovideyouwithclearinsightintowhatawomantrulyneedsfromyou,emotionally,tobehappy.
Ibelievethisbookcreatesatruewin-winsituationforbothmenandwomen.Ononehand,womengainanewperspectiveonthetruevalueoftheirlove,raisetheirstandards,andrefusetosettle.Ontheotherhand,menbecomebetterequippedto,notonlyunderstandawoman’semotionalneeds,buttheyarebetterabletomeetorexceedtheirnewstandardsaswell.
-Mr.AmariSoul
PartI
ForYou
CHAPTER
One
MANFACTS
“Thereisnosuchthingasaself-mademan;that’sjustanexampleofamantoocaughtupinhimselftolookaroundandacknowledgethestrengthofthewomanstandingnexttohim.”
WhatMenKnow
“Mostmenknowexactlywhatitwouldtaketomaketheirwomanhappy.They’rejusttoostubborn,tooegotisticalortoolazytodoit.”
Ibelievemostwomen,whohavebeenwiththeirmanforanyreasonableamountoftime,wanttheirmantoknowexactlywhatitwouldtaketokeepthemhappy.Youdropsubtlehints,yououtrightsayit,andwhenyoudon’t,itstillcomesacrossthroughyouractionsandreactions.So,forthemostpart,heshould know. If he knows and still doesn’t do it, it’smost likely because of one of the previouslymentioned reasons. If after all this time he still doesn’t know, he simply hasn’t been paying anyattentiontoyouatall.
AMan’sEgo
“What’smorefragilethanawoman’sheart?Aman’sego.”
Letmeexplain.Whenyoufirstmeetamanandheliestoyouaboutwhathiseconomicstatusisorwhathiscurrentrelationshipstatusis,that’salltoprotecthisego.Yousee,atthatpoint,he’sdecidedthathe’sinterestedinyou,buthisinsecuritiesaretellinghimthatyouwon’taccepthimforwhoorwhathe is.So,hecreatesan illusionofwhohe thinksyouwould likehimtobe, thusreducinghischancesofrejection.However,whenyoulookalittledeeper,it’snottherejectionalonethathefearsmost.Whathefearsthemostisthefeelingthatrejectioncausesandhowthatfeelingimpactshisego.Thatis,infact,hisworstfear.
In the end, some men would be willing to go to any lengths to protect their egos, up to andincludinglyingtoyou,cheatingonyou,andultimatelybreakingyourheart.
WhenHeChangesAroundHisFriends
“Ifhechangesthewayhetreatsyouwhenhe’saroundhisfriends,heeitherhasn’tbeenkeepingitrealwiththemorhehasn’tbeenkeepingitrealwithyou.”
Trueloveremainsconsistentregardlessof thesituationor theenvironment.Ifhetrulylovesyou,hisactionsshouldshowitwhetheryouareinprivate,public,orthecompanyofhisfriends.Infact,whenheisaroundhisfriends,heshouldfeelaheightenedsenseofpridejusthavingyoutherewithhim.Ifhedoesn’t,itcouldmeanhecaresmoreaboutimpressinghisfriendsthanhecaresabouthowyou feel. It’s alsopossible thathe’sbeen lying to themall alongabouthowhe feels aboutyou,ormaybehe’sbeenlyingtoyou.
IfHeDoesn’tIncludeYou
“Amanwhodoesn’tincludeyouwhenhetalksabouthisfuture,eitherisn’tpayingattentionorhedoesn’tseeyouasbeingapartofit.”
Sometimes,thebestwaytogetanhonestanswerisnottoaskthequestiondirectlybutindirectly.Ifyouhavebeenwithyourman,forareasonableamountof time,andyouareunsureaboutwhathisintentionsareregardingyourfuture,askhimthefollowingquestion:Ifyoucouldpaintapictureofhowyourlifewillbeinfiveyears,howwoulditlook?
Heshouldthenbegintodescribetoyouhow,inhismind’seye,heenvisionshislifetolookinfiveyears.You’llnotice thathe’ll talk toyouaboutall the things thatarehisprimaryfocus;youwouldhopethatyouandtherelationshipwouldbeoneofthem.Payparticularlycloseattentiontohowoftenheusestheword“me”or“I”insteadof“us”or“we.”
By the end of the conversation, you should have a pretty good idea of where you stand. Thebeautifulthingaboutitishemostlikelywon’tevenrealizethathewillhaveansweredthebigquestionthatyouneverevenasked.
RelationshipTitleMy“Main”
“Contrarytopopularbelief,thisisnotacompliment.”
Ifhecallsyouhis“main,”thatisnotacompliment.Whatheisessentiallysayingtoyouisthatyouare not the only one.Nine times out of 10, if he calls you his “main,” he has given all the otherwomenheisseeingthesametitleaswell.
Inshort,“mymain”isapolitewayofhimtellingyouthathelikesyouenoughtosleepwithyoubutnotenoughtocommittoyou.
Self-FulfilledProphecy
“Somemenhavesoconvincedthemselvesthatagoodwomandoesnotexistthattheysubconsciouslywillruinarelationship,withagoodwoman,justtoprovethemselvesright.”
If his negative expectations about you are strong enough, those feelings will begin to manifestthemselves in his actions. Eventually, this will cause him to act in a manner that will ultimatelyincreasethechancesofthosenegativeexpectationsbeingfulfilled.
IsHeReally“WillingToWait?
Whenamansaysthathe’swillingtowaituntilyou’reready,itdoesn’tnecessarilymeanhe’swillingto‘“wait.”
Here iswhere thegamechanges.Now, tobe fair, somemenwillhonor thatstatementandnotbeintimatewithanyoneelseduringthis“waitingperiod.”However,thosearen’tthemenI’mreferringtohere.TheonesI’mreferringtohaveadifferentplaninmind.Whattheyplantodoisexactlywhattheysaidtheywoulddo,“waituntilyouareready.”Theproblemisthe“waiting”istieddirectlytoyou and only you, no one else. In short, he’s agreed to not push the issuewith you, thus earningbrowniepointsforappearingnottobeonlyafteronething.
Inyourmind,over thenextfewmonths,you’re thinkinghe’sreally intoyouwhen, infact,he’sjustbidinghistimeuntilyou’rereadytogivehimwhathewants.Meanwhile,his“side”istakingcareofalltheneedsthatyou’vedecidednottoprovide.Yousee,it’seasyforhimtopassondinnerwhenhe’sbeensnackingallday.
So,don’tbefooled.Whenamantellsyouhe’swillingto“wait,”clarifywhathemeansandholdhim to it.Also, during thewaitingperiod, keepyour eyesopen for any subsequent changes inhispatternofbehavior.Thingslikehimnotcomingtoseeyouornotcallingyouasoftenshouldpeak
yourinterest.Additionally,himdisappearingforhoursatatimewithexcuseslike“Ileftmyphone”or“mybatterydied”shouldbewarningsignsaswell.
Aboveall,trustyourintuition;itwilltellyouwhatyouneedtohearandnotnecessarilywhatyouwanttohear.
IsHeComplainingAboutYourStandards?
“Whenamancomplainsofyourstandardsbeingtoohigh,itisusuallybecausehe’susedtodealingwithwomenwhohavenone.”
Somemenhavegottensousedtodealingwithwomenwhohavenostandardsthatoncetheymeetawomanwhodoes, theydon’tknowhowtomake thenecessaryadjustments. Insteadof raising theirlevel of performance, they complain in hopes that you will lower your standards, thusmaking iteasierforthemtoappeartobegoodforyou.
Myadvice is thatyoushouldnever loweryourstandards toaccommodateanyman!Ifhe isnotcapableofmeetingorexceedingthestandardsthatyouhaveset,he’sprobablynottherightmanforyou.
EyeContact
“Amanthatwon’tlookyouintheeyes,eitherisn’tinterestedinhowyouactuallyfeelabouttheconversation,hasconfidenceissues,orishidingsomethingfromyou.”
Eye contact for aman is very important. It is oneof thewaysweestablishourselvesduringourinteractions;it’showweconveyasincerityandseriousnessthatcannotbeexpressedanyotherway.So,foramantoavoideyecontact,itsimplygoesagainstournature.Icanonlythinkofafewreasonsastowhyamanwouldavoideyecontact:(1)heisdisregardingyou,(2)hehasconfidenceissues,(3)he’shidingsomethingfromyou,or(4)he’ssimplylyingtoyou.Eitherway,noneofthesequalitieswoulddoyouwellinyourrelationship.
The4-DigitPasscode
“Theanswerstoallyourquestionsarenotprotectedbyhismanylies,butratherbyatinyglassscreenanda4-digitpasscode.”
I’mjustgoingtoputitoutthere.Iknow,you’llgettheold“ifyoutrustedme,youwouldn’tneedtolookatmyphone”speech;I’vebeenthere,donethatanditworkedlikeacharm.
Thatstatementisdesignedtomakeyoufeelguiltyaboutaskinghimtoconfirmsomethingthatheshouldnothaveaproblemconfirminginthefirstplace.
Inarelationship,youtwoshouldbeonthesamepage.Ifyoucan’tseewhatheseesandhecan’tseewhatyousee,chancesare,you twoareprobablynoton the samepage.Tobehonest,you twomightnotevenbeinthesamebook!
Asasidenote,letmeleaveyouwiththis:Ifyoutwocansharethesamehouse,thesamebed,andthesamebankaccount,howcomehecan’tsharehispasscode?
UltimatumsRarelyWork
“Whenamantellsyouthatheisnotreadytocommit,believehimthefirsttime.Youcan’tconvincehimthatheisready.Youwillonlybefoolingyourself.”
Ifyoueverfindyourselfinthefollowingsituation,stopforaminuteandthink…Youaredatingamanandyouwantthingstomovetothenextlevel(commitment);however,he
sayshe’snot readyyet.You then tellhim ifhecan’tcommit,you’removingon. Ifhecomesrightbackandsays,“Okay,I’mreadytocommit,”becareful.He’sstillnotreadytocommittoyou;hejustdoesn’twanttoloseyouorseeyoucommittedtosomeoneelse.
Anytimeamanagreestoacommitmentafterbeinggivenanultimatum,beleery.Hewashonestinthebeginning,butnowhefeelslikehewillloseyouifhedoesn’tsaywhatyouwanttohear.That’snotthekindofcommitmentyouwant.Youwantittobeadecisionhemakesforhimselfbecausehewantsitandnotonewherehefeelslikehewasforcedintomakingit.
Intheend,ultimatumsmaygetyouwhatyouwantintheshortterm,butastimepassesyou’llseethat he can’t keep up the act forever. Slowly but surely you’ll begin to realize that youmay havechangedhiswords,butheneverchangedhismind…nowwhat?
WhenHeStopsDoingTheSmallThings
“Whenhetextsyou,he’sthinkingaboutyou.Whenhecallsyou,hemissesyou.Whenheshowsup,hewantsyou.
Whenhesuddenlystopsdoingalloftheaboveforyou,he’sdoingitforsomeoneelse.”
HisFearOfBeingHurt
“Sometimes,theproblemisn’tthathecannotgiveyoulove,theproblemliesinhisinabilitytoletgoofthefearofbeinghurtlongenoughtoacceptyourlove.”
Thinkaboutthisforamoment;whenyougivelove,youcontrolhowyoufeelaboutit;whenyou’reon the receiving end of love, those emotions are much harder to control. That’s how you findyourselffallinginlovewithsomeonewithouteverintendingtodoso.
Forsomemen,they’refineaslongasthey’regivinglove.That’sbecausetheycontrolthatfeeling.However,whenyoustarttogiveitbackandhebeginstofeellikeheislosingthatcontrol,sometimeshewillbackaway,outofthefearofbeinghurt.Notbecausehedoesn’tcareforyou,butbecausethefeelingofbeingvulnerableandnotincontrolofhisfeelingsscareshim.
SelfishVersusSelflessMan
“Aselfishmanwouldratheryoubeunhappywithhimthantoseeyouhappywithsomeoneelse;however,amanwholovesyouselflessly,he’llsetyoufree.Notinhopesthatyouwouldsomedaycome
back,butinhopesyouwouldbefoundbyamanthatcouldbeallthethingshecouldn’tbe.”
NOTES:
CHAPTER
Two
THEWRONGMAN
Hecouldbea“goodman”andstillnotbethe“rightman”foryou.
HowCouldSomeoneSoRight,BeSoWrong?
“Hecouldhavetherightface,therightsmile,withtherightjob,makingtherightamountofmoney,butifhedoesn’tloveandrespectyou,he’sstillthewrongmanforyou.”
Make surewhenyoudecide togive amanyour time,you’redoing it for the right reasons. Justbecausehelooksniceordrivesanicecar,doesn’tmeananythingifhedisrespectsyouandtreatsyoulikeyoudon’tevenexist.Youhavetobeabletolookpastthesuperficialthingsandfocuson“whoheis” rather than“whathe is”or“whathehas.”Otherwise,youmight findyourselfwithahandsomemanwhoisneverhomeandafullcloset,butanemptyplaceinyourheartwherehisloveshouldbe.
MakingHimWaitWon’tMakeHimABetterMan
“Ifhe’sthewrongman,havingarulethatsaysyouwon’thavesexwithhimbefore“X”amountofdayswon’tchangehim.Attheendofthewaitingperiod,he’llstillbethesamewrongman.”
When he’swrong, he’swrong; timewon’tmagicallymake him right.All youwill be doing ispostponingyourinevitabledisappointmentandheartbreak.Now,I’mnotsayingthatyoushouldrushintoiteither.WhatIamsayingisthereisnosetamountoftimethatwillallowyoutodeterminethatman’sworth,itwillvary.However,themoretimeyougiveit,themoretimeyouwillhavetoevaluatewhetherornothe’ssomeoneyouwanttogotothenextlevelwith.
Mythoughts:bepatientandgowithyourgut.Youwillknowbetterbasedonhowyoufeelratherthanbywhatdateitis.Justknow,therearenoguaranteesandintheend,timewon’tchangewhoheis.
AManThatJustTakes
“Inarelationship,youcannevergiveenoughtoamanwhoiswillingtotakeeverythingfromyou.”
Somemenarejusttakers.Theydon’tunderstandthatarelationshipisaboutgivingandtaking…it’sabout balance. To these men, it’s always about them. Being able to compromise, in the name ofmovingtherelationshipforward,isaconcepttheycannotgrasp.
It’s this type ofmanwho, after you’ve done everything for him, still comes to the door of therelationshipwithhishandoutexpectingmore.Then,hehastheaudacitytotrytomakeyoufeelbadwhenyoufinallysay,“enough!”
WhenHeWantsToChangeWhoYouAre
“Anymanwhomakesyoufeelasifyouhavetochangewhoyouare,asaperson,tobewithhim,isamanthatwillleaveyouassoonashemeetsthewomanhe’stryingtomakeyououttobe.”
Forthemostpart,mostmenhaveanideaofwhattheywantinawomanfromthebeginning.Inhismind,healreadyhasapictureofwhatsheshouldlooklikeandwhatqualitieshewouldlikeher topossess.Withthatinmind,ifhe’stryingtochangeyou,whatarethechancesofhimleavingyouifheevermeetssomeonethatfitsthatpictureinhishead?
Justsomethingforyoutothinkaboutbeforeyouputyourselfinthattypeofsituation.Inmyopinion, ifhetrulylovesyou,hewill loveyoufor thepersonyouare,not thepersonhe
wantsyoutobe.
QuestionableIntentions
“Youneedamantobeupfrontandhonestwithyou,fromthebeginning,abouthisintentions.Therightmanwillbe;however,thewrongmanwillletmonths,orevenyearsgobybeforehefinallygetsupthe
couragetotellyouthathe’snotreadytocommit.”
Mostmen know, even before they approach you,what their initial intentions are.His plansmaychange as the relationship progresses, but regardless, he usually has an idea as towhat his initialintentionsarefromthebeginning.
Whenamanstringsyoualongand leavesyou in thedark, itcouldmeanafewdifferent things.
One,he’snotsureifhewantsthesamethingsyouwantoutoftherelationship.Thiscauseshimtobeafraidtotellyouhe’snotreadytocommit,outoffearyoumaybreaktherelationshipoff.Ortwo,heknowsexactlywhathewantsfromtherelationship(i.e.sex,money,etc.)andheknowsyouwouldn’twasteyourtimewithhimifyouknewhisrealintentions.
Either way, if he doesn’t have the courage to be honest with you, that lack of honesty willeventuallyleaveyoudisappointedand,insomecases,brokenhearted.
HisInsecurities
“Theonlytimeamanfeelstheneedtotearyoudowniswhenhe’sfeelinginsecure.Becauseofhisinsecuritiesandlowself-esteem,hethentriestomakeyoufeelsmallerinordertomakehimselffeel
bigger.”
A man with insecurities is a very difficult man to deal with, especially for a strong, ambitiouswoman.Anything you do to improve yourself, hewillmore than likely view it as a threat to hismanhood.Heisthetypeofmanwhowillsupportyou,butonlytoanextent.Meaning,hewillsupportyouaslongaswhatyouaredoingdoesn’tthreatenhisstatusinanyway.Ifitdoes,youwillbegintonoticehis support turn intodiscouragement.Thepositive reinforcement,whichyouonce received,willslowlyturnintonegativity.Thiswilloftenstartwithsubtlecommentsandremarksandescalatetooutright anger and aggression towards you. That is his way of trying to compensate for his owninsecurities.
Yousee,ifyoubegintodowellforyourself,heseeshimselfaslosingthatpoweroveryou.Inhismind,youmaystart to think thatyoudon’tneedhimandonedayyoumightdecide thatyoudon’thavetoputupwithhisnonsenseanymoreandleave.Inordertoensurethatdoesn’thappen,hefeelshehas tokeepyoumentallyfeelingas ifyou’renothingwithouthim, thusreducing thechancesofyoueverleavingandincreasingyourperceiveddependencyonhim.
AbusiveMen
“Therearealotofthingsinthisworldthatyou,asawoman,couldbeafraidof,butyourmanshouldnotbeoneofthem.”
Amanthatlovesyouwillalwaysassumetheroleofyourprotector,notyouraggressor.Abusivemen,however, are likecancer toyou.Youhave to identify their typeearlyonandcut themoutof
yourlife.Whetherit’smental,physical,oremotionalabuse,pleaseunderstandthathisonlypurposeistoeatawayatyouuntilthere’snothingleft.
Findawayoutassoonaspossible.Thelongerhestaysinyourlife,thegreatertheriskthatyoumightnotsurvivethebattle…literally.
HeFeelsEntitled
“Somemenfeelasenseofentitlement…likeyouowethemsomething,wheninreality,youdon’towehimanything!Heowesittohimselftogethisstufftogether.Youcansupporthim…youcanevenhelp
himbutultimately,it’shisresponsibility,notyours.”
Here’smypublic service announcement for theday:Ladies, stop carrying thesegrownmen! It’sokaytosupporthimandeventohelphimtoanextent;that’spartofbeinginarelationship.However,thisistrueonlyupuntilacertainpoint.Afterthat,hehastogetuponhisowntwofeetanddowhatmendo.Ifyoucarryhimfortoolong,you’renolongerhelpinghim…you’rehurtinghim.
EmotionallyLazyMen
“Whateveryoudo,neverchaseaman.Why?Becauseit’llmakehimemotionallylazyandhewillfeellikehedoesn’thavetodoanythingtomeetyouremotionalneeds.”
Thinkaboutit;ifyou’redoingeverythingfromthebeginning,whatishisincentivetodoanythingafteryoutwogettogether?Intheend,you’llfindyourselfassumingtheproactiverolethroughouttherelationship because that’swhat he’ll be used to.Hewill have no reason to change because you’llhave already shown him that he can do absolutely nothing and you will still be willing to doeverything.
WhenHeComplainsAboutDoingThingsThatMakeYouHappy
“Thewrongmanwilldosomethingniceforyouandcomplainthewholetimewhiledoingit.He’llthenexpectyoutobehappy,notrealizingthathisattituderuinedeverything.”
Let’ssayyoulovetowalkalongthebeach,buteverytimehetakesyou,hecomplains.Hethinksheisearningbrowniepointsbytakingyouwhen,infact,he’slosingpoints.Soonerorlater,you’llstopaskinghimtogowithyou.Hemaythinkhe’sfinallyconvincedyouthatwalkingalongthebeachisboring but he hasn’t. You still love walking along the beach… you still want to walk along thebeach…youjustarenolongerinterestedindoingitwithhim.
The right man, however, will do it because he wants to make you happy. He won’t ruin yourmomentwithhispettypersonalcomplaints.Afterall,he ismakingyouhappyandat theendof theday,inhismind,that’swhatit’sallabout.
YouCouldBeDoingEverythingRight
“Youcouldbedoingeverythingright:working,cooking,cleaning,greatsex…everything.Butifit’sforthewrongman,thatstillwon’tbeenoughtokeephim.”
Rememberthis:agoodmancan’tbekeptandthewrongmanisn’tworthkeeping.Sothenyoumayask,“Whatdoesawomanhavetodotokeepaman?”Theansweristhis…letgooftheideathatitiswithinyourpowertokeephimandfocusmoreonfindingagoodmanthat lovesandrespectsyouenoughtowanttostay;thereinliesthesecret.
You see, you could be doing all the right things, but if that man doesn’t love, respect, andappreciateyouandthethingsyoudo,itwillallbefornothing.
NOTES:
Listthemainqualitiesofthewrongmanthatareabsolutedealbreakerstoyou.
Nowlisthow,inthepast,you’vemissedthesequalitiesorreasonswhyyou’vetoleratedthem.
Finally,writedownhow,inthefuture,youwillbetterguardyourselfagainstthesequalities.
CHAPTER
Three
AWEAKMAN
“Aweakmanisintimidatedbyastrongwoman.Notbecauseofwhathethinksshecandotohimphysically,butratherbecauseofwhatheknowsshewon’tallowhimtodotohermentallyand
emotionally.”
Broken
“Anymanwhotriestobreakyoumentally,isalreadybrokenbothmentallyandemotionally.”
A secureman understands that the strength of the relationship is found in the union and not theindividual.Astrongmanandastrongwomancreateastrongunion.Ifoneortheotherisweak,therelationshipsuffers.
In otherwords, it defeats the purpose for you to try to build a relationshipwith a brokenmanwhoseintentisonlytotearyoudown.
WeakMenAreIncapableOfSweepingYouOffYourFeet
“Aweakmanisincapableofsweepingyouoffyourfeet.Why?Becausehedoesn’thavetheemotionalstrengthtoliftyourspirit.”
WhenIspeakofaman’struestrength,I’mnotspeakingofhisphysicalstrength,I’mtalkingabouthismental,emotional,andspiritualstrength.That’swhereaman’struepowerlies.Anymancanpickyouupphysically,but it takesanexceptionalman to liftyouupemotionallyandspiritually; that issomethingaweakmancannotdo.
CHAPTER
Four
SECRECYVS.
PRIVACY
HisRightToPrivacy
“Justbecausehehasarighttohisprivacyintherelationship,doesn’tmeanhehasarighttokeepsecretsfromyou.”
So the big question is how do you find out if he’s keeping any secrets if you don’t invade hisprivacy?The answer is…you can’t.You are going to have to cross the line for confirmation andpersonally,Idon’tseeanythingwrongwithyouconfirmingtheloyaltyandthetrustworthinessoftheoneyouentrustwithyourheart.Weconfirmeverythingelse:hotelreservations,dinnerreservations,payments, etc…. If there is nothing there, all the better. Confirmation simply proves or disprovesyour beliefs, one way or the other. I have found that the ones who rely heavily on the “privacy”position,areoftentheoneswiththemosttohide.
Havingsaidthat,Ialsoknowthatsomeofyouwon’tcrossthatlinebecauseitopensyouuptothesameandyou’renotwillingtotakethatrisk.Why?Becausesomeofyouhaveyourownsecretstokeep.
HisSecrets
“Ifhedecidestokeeponelittlesecretfromyou,itwillhavethepowertoruinyourwholerelationship.Notnecessarilybecauseofthesecretinandofitself,butbecauseofthethousandliesthathe’llhave
totellyoutokeepit.”
WhyIsHeSoDefensive
“Amanwhocan’tansweryourquestions,whenyouask,withoutgettingdefensive,isoftenamanwhoiskeepingmorethanjusttheanswerfromyou.”
Have you ever asked a question where his response was so defensive, you began to think thatsomething just wasn’t right…like he was keeping something from you? If you have, you wereprobablyright.
When a man gets defensive, that’s usually his guilty conscience shining through. Your femaleintuitionwillsenseit;that’swhatit’sdesignedfor.
Mythoughts…youneedtogettothebottomofitimmediately.Don’tletyourmindoverrideyourgutoryou’llpossiblyfindyourselfinvestingmonthsorevenyearsmoreintosomeonejusttofindout,intheend,itwasallawasteoftime.
YouHaveARightToKnow
“Justbecauseyouaskaquestion,doesn’tnecessarilymeanyoudon’ttrusthim;somethings,justbybeingintherelationship,youhavearighttoknow.”
Thereisabsolutelynothingwrongwithyouaskingaquestion.Anymanthatwouldgetupsetwithyouforsimplyaskingaquestion,probablyhassomethingtohide.Thinkaboutit.Ifyou’reaskingaquestiontogetclarificationonanissueandtheanswercouldpossiblypreventamisunderstandingoranargument,whatwouldbeagoodreasonnottoanswerthequestion?TheonlyreasonIcanthinkofisthathehassomethingtohide.
WhatYouDon’tKnow
Theysay,“Whatyoudon’tknowcan’thurtyou,”butIdisagree.Whatyoudon’tknowcanandwillhurtyou.Andthelongerittakesforyoutofindout,themoreitwillhurtyouintheend.
If you feel there’s somethinggoingon, get to thebottomof it quickly.Don‘t be afraid to ask thequestion.Ifyoutrytofoolyourselfintothinkingyoucanblockthedoubtout,itwilleventuallybegintoeatyouupinside.Thenyourhappinesswillturntosorrowandyourloveforhimintofrustrationandresentment. It’snotalways thequestion thateatsyouupbutmoreso the ideaofnothaving theanswertothequestionthatwearsonyou.
NOTES:
CHAPTER
Five
TRUST
“Whenthetrustisgone,everythingelsewillsoonfollow.”
MakeHimEarnIt
“Justbecauseheearnedyourtrusttoday,doesn’tmeanheisincapableofviolatingyourtrusttomorrow.”
Trustisnotaone-timething;it’saconstantworkinprogress.Everydayyoushouldbeconsistentlyre-evaluating tosee ifhedeservesyour trust.Thatdoesn’tnecessarilymeanyoudon’t trusthim, itsimplymeansyou’renotnaivetohumannature.
Thinkaboutit;everymanwhohasevercheatedonyou,atsomepoint,youconsideredhimtobetrustworthy.
EmotionallyDrained
“Whenyoudon’ttrustthepersonyou’rewith,itbecomesphysicallyandemotionallyexhaustingforyoutostayintherelationship.”
Trustjustmakeseverythingworksmoother.Whentrustisabsent,youendupspendingmoretimemad,notnecessarilyatwhatheisdoing,butmoresoatwhatyouthinkhemightbedoing.This,astimegoeson,willcauseyoutofeelfrustratedandexhausted.
CHAPTER
Six
UNFAITHFUL
“Ifhelovesandrespectsyou,hewon’tcheat.Ifhedoescheat,oneorbothoftheaboveismissing.”
It’sNotAnAccident
“Cheatingisneveranaccident;itisaconsciousdecision.”
Theunfaithfuloftenrefusetoacceptpersonalresponsibilityfortheiractionsandinstead,theyresorttotryingtomakeyoufeelasifsomehowyouractionsorinactionsaretoblame.Don’tbuyintoit!Itisneveryourfault.Itwastheirchoicetocheat;therefore,theyshoulder100%oftheblame.Iftherewassomethingyouwereorwerenotdoingthatwascausingsomuchofanissue,theyshouldhavecome to you first. If the issue couldn’t be resolved, they had one of the following two choices tomake:leavethenorstayandtrytoworkitout.Eitherway,cheatingonyoushouldnothavebeenoneofthoseoptions.
HisApology
“Whenheapologizes,justknowthatheisnotsorrythathecheated…he’ssorryyoufoundout.”
Insomecases,hemayfeelasifanapologyshouldsuffice;however,anapology,atthispoint,islikethrowing saltonanopenwound.Why?Becauseapologiesare foraccidentsor forwhensomeonedoessomethingand,atthetime,theyhadnoideaitwouldhurtyou.
Cheating, on the other hand, is a conscious decision, thus ruling out the idea that it was an“accident.”Plus,atthetimehecheated,heknewthathisactionswouldhurtyou;therebyrulingouttheargumentthathe“didn’tknow.”
So,youmayask,whyisheactuallyapologizing?I’lltellyou.It’snotbecausehecheatedandit’snotbecausehehurtyou.Heissorrythatyoufoundout;that’stheonethinghedidn’tplanfor.
YouBelieveTheLies
Youbelievetheliesbecauseyou’reafraidofthetruth.Sowhenhefeedsyouthelinesaboutwherehe’sbeenallnight,
you’vepreconditionedyourselftobelievetheliestobetrue.
Whiledeepdowninsideyoufightwithyourself,goingbackandforthasyouprayforhelp.
SomaybemyinspirationforthisbookwasdivineormaybeitwassomethingIpickedupinyourCommentswhilereadingbetweenthelines.
Weallhaveoursuspicionsbutmyadvicetoyou,isyoushouldlistentoyourconscious…that’sGod’swayoftalkingdirectlytoyou.
TheFeelingOfBetrayal
“Whenamancheatsonawoman,it’snotsomuchthephysicalactthathurtsher;it’sthefeelingofherbeingemotionallybetrayedbytheonepersonshelovedandtrustedtonevertodosuchathing…that’s
whathurtsthemost.”
NOTES:
List the top3signsfromthepast, thatyou ignored,whichwarnedyou thathewascheatingandpromiseyourselfthatyouwillneverignorethesesignsagain.
CHAPTER
Seven
SECONDCHANCES
“Somepeoplegetasecondchancewhileothersdon’tbecausesomepeoplearewillingtochangewhileotherswon’t.”
JustBecauseYouMissHim
“Justbecauseyoumisshim,doesn’tmeanyoushouldtakehimback.”
It’sokay tomisshim; that’snormal.Every relationshiphas itsgoodmomentsand thosemomentsoften create great memories. Just remember, you left for a reason. And at the time you left, thatreasonoutweighedthosememories.Now,I’mnotsayingyoushouldnevergivesomeoneasecondchance.Therearetimeswhenpeoplechangeandit’suptoyouastowhetherornotyoubelievetheirchangeisenoughforyoutotakethemback.However,don’tletloneliness,orthefactthatyoumissthem,cloudyourjudgmenttothepointwhereyoufindyourselfbackinthesamebadrelationshipyoujustgotoutof.
ForgivenessDoesn’tAlwaysEqualASecondChance
“Justbecauseyouarewillingtoforgivehim,doesn’tnecessarilymeanhegetsanautomaticsecondchance.”
Yourwillingness to forgive him shows that you are strong enough to be able tomove forwardwithoutholdingitagainsthim.Thatdoesn’tnecessarilymeanyouarewillingtoputyourselfbackinthesamesituationforhimtohurtyouagain.
Yourdecisiontogivehimasecondchanceshouldbelargelybasedonwhetherornotyoubelievewhateverhashappenedwillhappenagain. Ifyou think itwon’t, thenaskyourself if that alone is agoodenoughreason togoback into therelationship. Ifyoubelieve itwilloccuragain,walkawaynowbeforeyouhavetorunawaylater.
NOTES:
Listallofthereasonswhyyoubelieveyoushouldgivehimasecondchance.
Listallofthereasonswhyyoubelieveyoushouldnotgivehimasecondchance.
Nowcomparebothlistsandmakeyourdecisionbasedonwhat’sbestforyou.
CHAPTER
Eight
YOUCAN’TCHANGEHIM
“He’llonlychangeifhewantstochange;myquestionis,ifyoudon’tlikethemanheistoday,whyareyouwithhimnow?”
TheReasonHeChanges
“Youcan’tchangeaman,butyoucandefinitelybeabigpartofthereasonhedecidestochange.”
Forsomemen,alltheyneedisareasontochange;therightwoman,attherighttime,intherightman’slife,couldverywellbethatreason.Butbecareful,thewrongmanwillnotbeabletorecognizeyouasagoodwomanandhewilltakeyourtimeandwasteit.He’llactlikehe’schangedforjustlongenoughtogetwhathewantsfromyou.Afterhe’saccomplishedhisgoal,hewillrevertbacktohisoldwaysleavingyouphysically,emotionallyand,insomecases,financiallydrained.
Someofyouhavedealtwiththismaninthepast,whileothersarestilldealingwithhimnow.Youmayevenbegintodoubtyourselfandthinkthere’ssomethingwrongwithyou.Restyourmind;it’snotthatyouaren’ttherightwoman,it’sjustthatheisthewrongman.
TheRealProblem
“Sometimes,himbeingthewrongmanisn’ttherealproblem.Therealproblemisyoudecidingtogivehimachance,knowinghe’sthewrongman,thinkingyoucanchangehim.”
Nevergo intoa relationship thinkingyoucanchangeaman thathasalready shownyouhis trueintentionsarenotwhatyouwant.
Intheend,hewon’tchangeandyou’llendupfrustrated,heartbroken,andalonewishingyouhaddonethingsdifferently.
CHAPTER
Nine
WASTEDTIME
“It’simpossibletoholdontoarelationshipwhentheotherpersonhasalreadydecidedtoletitgo.”
SingleAndAlone
“Astrongwomanwouldratherbesingleandalonethantowastehertimebeinginarelationshipandsleepingwithamanwhomakesherfeellikeshedoesn’tevenexist.”
Sometimes,you‘releftwithonlytwochoices:(1)Sleepaloneandbephysicallycoldor(2)wasteyourtimesleepingnexttosomeonewhocaresnothingaboutyouandwakeupinthemorningfeelingcoldemotionally.
WhenHeLosesYourRespect
“Oneofthehardestthingsyou’llevertrytodoiscontinuetolovesomeoneyounolongerrespect.”
Respectand trustareat thevery foundationofanyhealthy relationship.Without them,everythingelse quickly disappears; everything except love. Love doesn‘t disappear right away. It first slowlyturnsintofrustration,followedbyresentment.Thisevolutionwillleaveyou,notwiththememoriesoftheloveyouonceshared,butwiththefeelingsofresentmentandregretthatyounowfeel.
Frustrated
“Oneofthemostfrustratingpositionsyou,asagoodwoman,couldeverfindyourselfin,isinarelationshipwithamanwhomakesyoufeellikeyou’restillsingle.”
Beinginarelationshipwithamanthathasnotimeforyou,showsyounoaffection,andmakesyoufeellike,halfthetime,you’restillsingle…what’sthepoint?
Icanthinkofalotofgoodreasonswhyyouwouldwanttobeinarelationshipbutbeinglonelyisn’toneofthem.
Mythoughts…talktohim.Don’ttrytoignorethefeelingbecauseitwillonlygetworse.Explaintohimhowyoufeelandgivehimtheopportunitytomakethenecessaryadjustments.Ifhemakesthoseadjustments,great.Ifhedoesn’t,thentheballsbackinyourcourt.Youcaneitheracceptitorrejectit,butthechoiceisyours.
WhenHeDoesn’tLoveYouAndYouKnowIt
“Someofyouwillfallasleeptonightanddreamofwhatitwouldbeliketobetrulyloved,thenwakeupinthemorningandchoosetowasteyourtimeonamanyouknowdoesn’tloveyou.”
Youcan’tcomplainaboutbeinginasituationthatyouhavethepowertochangebutchoosenotto.Ifyouknowit’snotgoinganywhere,don’twasteyourtime.
LoveShouldNeverFeelLonely
“Trueloveisanexcitingexperience…onethatshouldnevercauseyoutofeelemotionallylonely.”
Evenwhenthereisaphysicaldistancebetweenyou,theemotionalconnectionshouldstillbethere.You should be able to close your eyes, on the darkest nights, and still feel their presence…to bephysicallyalone,yetspirituallyaccompaniedbytheirveryessence.Ifevertherecomesatimewhenyoufeelemotionallylonelyinarelationship,itmaybebecausewhatwas…nolongeris.
InLoveWithTheIdea
Someofyouaremore“inlove”withtheideaof“beinginlove”thanyouare“inlove”withthepersonyouarewith.
Soyou’vecreatedafantasyworldinyourheadandinthisworld,you’vemadeyourrelationshipouttobemorethanwhatitreallyis.Becauseyou’reinlovewiththe“ideaofbeinginlove”andyouwantit so bad, you ignore all the signs that tell you this person iswrong for you.You are so ready tobelievethatheiswhoyouwanthimtobethat,evenwhenheshowsyouthatheisnotyouignoreit.
Yourfriends,theonesyoutrustthemost,havetriedtowarnyou,butyou’veblownthemoffbysaying,“Theydon’tknow”or“theydon’tunderstand”or“they’rejusthatingonyoubecauseyou’rehappy.”Myquestionis,“happywithwhat?”Areyouhappywiththeideaorthereality?
Rememberthis:allfantasiescometoanend.Atsomepoint,you’llhavetodealwiththerealityofthematterandthefactthatheisn’treallywhatyouwantorneed.Thenyou’releftdisappointedandstuckwithtwochoices:settleormoveonafterwastingallyourtimeonsomethingthatneverwas.
WhyAreYouStillHere?
“Ifyoudon’tloveme,whyareyoustillhere?Youstandingthereonlymakesitworse.
Please,justwalkaway.Ipromise,Iwon’thateyouifyoudo
butIwillifyoudon’t.”
Theysay,Ifyouwanttounderstandhowsomeoneelsefeels,youhavetobeabletoputyourselfintheirshoes.So,Iaskedmyself,“IfIwereyouandsomeonestrungmealong,howwouldIfeel?”Thatwasthefirstthingthatcametomind.
WhatHurtsTheMost
“Whathurtsyouthemostisnotthefactthatit’sover,butratherthatyouchosetowasteyourtimewithhiminthefirstplace.”
NOTES:
CHAPTER
Ten
HEARTBREAK
“Haveyoueverfeltlikeyourhearthadbeenrippedrightoutofyourchest…likewhentheywalkedoutthedoor,theytookwiththemyourverylastbreath?”
HeCan’tLoveYou
“Oneofthemostdisappointingthingsthatyou,asawoman,couldevergothroughistofallinlovewithamanthatcan’tloveandrespectyoubecausehehasn’tlearnedtoloveandrespecthimselfyet.”
EmotionallyStuck
“Theworstfeelingyoucanhaveisthefeelingofbeingstuckinaphysicalrelationshipwithsomeoneyouhavealreadyemotionallyseparatedfrom.”
TheTrueFrustrationOfHeartbreak
“Awoman’stearsdon’tnecessarilycomefromoneheartbreak,butrathertheycomefromtheaccumulationofyearsofheartbreakandthefrustrationthatyoufeelafterputtingeverythingyouhaveintoyourrelationships,dayafterday,monthaftermonth,andyearafteryear,andstillendingupwith
thesameheartbreakingresults.”
UnspokenWordsOfHerSoul
“Awoman’steardropsaretheunspokenwordsofhersoul.Theywritethestoryofherpainwithdisappearinginkandwitheverystroke,
ItrytounderstandbeforeIwipeawaythewordsfromherface,
Inhopesthat,asthetearsdry,truelovewillbethereasonallherpainhasbeenerased.”
WhenTheLoveIsReal
“Whenyourloveisreal,it’shardtojuststoplovingsomeone…evenafterthey’veproventoyouoverandoveragainthattheydon’tdeserveyourlove.”
That’swhatmakesbreakingupsohardtodo.Youknowit’stimetogo,butlovejustwon’tletyouwalkaway.Real lovewantsyou togive themanotherchance, to try justonemore time tomake itwork,evenwhendeepdowninsideyouknow…he’llneverchange.
YourBrokenHeart
Doesawoman’sbrokenheartevertrulyhealordoyousimplybecomestrongerandfindbetterways
toconcealthepain?Yousee,Imightnotknowyourname,butyoucan’tfool
mewiththelines,tellingmeyoudon’tcareabouthimanymore,butIcan
seeitinyoureyesthathehurtyou.Don’tbeashamedofthepain:embraceit.Don’tturnyourbackonthepain:faceit.Letitalloutandreleaseittothewind
andwhenyou’vegottenitallout,therewillbejustenoughroominyourheartforyoutofinallyloveagain.
Onlyanewlovecanhelprepairthedamageleftbyanoldone.Whetheritbethelovefromanother,aspirituallove,theloveofselforalloftheabove,onlylovehasthatpower.
It’sOkay
It’sokay.It’sokayforyoutomisshim.It’sokayforyoutofeelangry.
It’sokayforyoutofeelsadandeventocry…It’sokay.
It’sokayforyoutowonderwhetherornotyoumadetherightdecision…
It’sokay.
Breakingup canbequite the emotional roller coaster ride. Just know,when the ride is over andyou’vegottenitalloutofyoursystem…it’sokaytomoveon.
NOTES:
Sometimesithelpstowriteitallout…
CHAPTER
Eleven
THECOURAGETO
MOVEON
“Astrongwomanwon’tgiveupontherelationshipuntilsheiscompletelyfedupandherleavingistheonlyoption
shehasleft.Andeventhen…it’shardforhertodo.”
She’sTired
“Whenastrongwomanfinallygivesup,it’snotbecauseshe‘sweakorbecauseshenolongerlovesherman.Toputitinthesimplestterms…she’sjusttired.She’stiredofthegames…she’stiredofthesleeplessnights…she’stiredoffeelinglikeshe’sallaloneandtheonlyonetrying…she’stired.”
Somemightsaythatawomanisweakforgivinguponarelationship,butIdisagree.Whenyou’vedoneallyoucanandyou’vereachedthatpointwhereyoufeelphysically,emotionally,andspirituallydrained,youronlyoptionleftistoleave.Notbecauseyouwanttobutbecauseyouhaveto…foryourownsanityandpeaceofmind.
AStrongWoman’sCry
“Whocanhearthecriesofastrongwomanwhocriesonlyontheinsidewhiletheworldcomplimentsheronhowstrongsheisandonthebeautifulsmilethattheyseeontheoutside.”
Whocanyouruntowhenyouaretheonethateveryonerunsto?Whocanyoucallwhenyouaretheonethateveryonecalls?Whenit justseemslikethepressureisgettingtobetoomuchandyoufeel likeyoucan’thold it togethermuchlonger,whodoyou, thestrongwomanthateveryoneelselookstoforstrength,whodoyouturnto?
Sometimes,theonlyrightanswerisaspiritualone.
BeingStrongIsNotAnOption
“Astrongwomanknowsthatbeingstrongisnotanoptionforher,it’sanecessity.”
So,everydayshewakesupandmeetstheworldandallofitschallengesheadon.Butsometimes,at
theendoftheday,whenall issaidanddoneandshefinallyclosesthedoor,shecries.Notbecauseshe’sweak,butbecauseit’shardbeingstrong,dayafterday,knowingthatifyoudon’tdoit,noonewill.
Thesoftcriesthatmostwillneverhearslowlydisappearasthenewdaycomesandyouriseonceagaintobethestrong,confidentwomanyouare.
YouStillRemember
Youstillremember,butyouwillneverforget.Youstillrememberhowheusedtomakeyousmile,but
youwillneverforgethowheusedtoalwaystalkdowntoyou.
Youstillrememberhowyoufirstmet,butthedayhecalledyououtyourname,that’saday
youwillneverforget.Yousee,it’shardforastrongwomantoholdontoa
manthathasdisrespectedher.Andthoughheapologizedandyouaccepted,
youdidn’tdoitforhissake,butforyourownpieceofmind.
Soasyouwalkedoutthatdoor,leavingthatmanbehind,yousighed.Becausealthoughyouforgavehimyouknewyoucouldneverforget,andthat’swhytothisday,you’veneverlookedback.
TheStrengthToLetGo
“Therealityisthatsometimes,ittakesmorestrengthtoletgothanitdoestokeepholdingon.”
Whenawomanstandswithherbacktothewindandherfacetothesun,raisesherhead,exhalesandfinallyletsgo,that’sapowerfulmomentforher.Somanyfeelingsrunthroughherbodyatthattime.Shefeelshappy,yetsaddened;excited,yetafraidaboutthechaptertocome.Butonethingsheknowsforsureisthatsheisfinallyfreetofindherownhappiness.
ThePowerToEndure
LateatnightItossandIturnasifinastormontheopensea.
IseethelightninginyoureyesandhearthethunderinyourvoiceandIknowthatyoucallforme.Asoursoulsawakenwiththeanticipationofembracingthemomentbeforeit’sgone.
ForIknowyouhavewalkedforthousandsofmilesandyouhavestruggledforsolong.
Thoughyourstruggleshavebeenhard,yourbattlescarstheytestify
toallthepainyouhaveendured,whichcanbeviewedthroughunopenedeyes.
Yetyouasknotforsympathy,notevenwhenyourdaysarelong.
Forinyouisthepowertoendureandthestrengthtocarryon.
SoBlessedIsTheSmile
Soblessedisthesmileofthewoman,whoforyearshasknownthepainofbeingcheatedon,theagonyofbeingunderappreciated,disrespectedandbelittledbyamansheoncelovedandtrusted.
Soblessedisthesmileofthewoman,whoforyearsputherheartandsoulintoarelationshipandgotnothinginreturn.
Soblessedisthesmileofthewomanthathasbeenforgedbythefireandthemanyyearsofthelessonslearned.Soblessedisthesmileofthewoman,whoonedaystoodupandsaid,“Enoughisenough!Ideservebetterthanthis!Ideservetobewithsomeonewholoves,respects,andadoresme!Ideserve
myownhappiness!”Yousee,it’sbeensometimenowsinceshegotupthecouragetowalkoutandithasn’tbeeneasy.
Shespentsomenightscryingherselftosleepandothernightssecondguessingherselfonwhetherornotshehaddonetherightthing,butsheneverwentback.
SoIsay,“Soblessedisthesmileofthestrongwomanbecauseafterallyou’vebeenthrough,you’vefinally
foundyourownhappinessandthatsmilerepresentsthenewyou.”
LessonsLearned
“Theonesthatarethehardesttogetoverareoftentheonesthatteachyouthegreatestlesson.”
For theonesyouhave loved, they’veshownyou the infinitepossibilitiesofhappiness.As for theonesyouhavelost,they’veremindedyouofthetremendouspainsofheartbreak.Toallofthem,yousay,“Thankyou.”It’sbecauseofthemthatyounowstandtherethebeautiful,strong,andindependentwomanthatyouare.
ForgiveForYourSake
“Whenyouforgive,youdon’tdoitfortheotherperson’ssake,youdoitforyourownsanityandpeaceofmind.”
Intheend,whenyouholdontoyouranger,you’rehurtingnoonebutyourself.Meanwhile,theygoaboutlivingtheirlivesastheywishwhileyourangerandresentmentallowthemtocontinuetoruinyours.You,inessence,havebecomethesurrogatetoallthepain,frustration,andheartachethattheyoncecausedyou.Now,theydon’tneedtodoanythingbutsitback,enjoytheirlife,andwatchyoubemiserable.
Itdoesn’thavetobethatway;youcantakethatpowerawayfromthemsimplybyforgivingthemandlettingitgo.I’mnotsayingyouhavetoforget,don’tforget.Forgettingwhatthey’vedonewoulderasethememoryandinthememoryiswhereyoufindthelesson.However,forgivingremovestheweightof thepast fromyourshouldersandallowsyou tomoveforwardwithout them.Thepast iswhatitis;youcan’tchangeit.Whatyoucandoislearnfromitandusethattomakebetterdecisionsinthefuture.Willitbeeasy…no.Willyouhaveyourmoments…yes,butovertime,you’llfindpeaceinknowingtheynolongerhavethatpoweroveryou.Now,whenyouseethemyoucanfinallysmileandsaytoyourself,“I’mfinallyfreefromyou.”
NeverFeelTrapped
Youshouldneverfeeltrappedinarelationship;youalwayshaveoptions.Hemaywantyoutofeelasifyoudon’tandthatheistheonlyoptionavailabletoyoubuthe’snot.Thedecisionastowhetherornotyoustayorleaveisyourstomakeandyoursonly.Itmaynotbeaneasychoice,butitisstillyour
choicetomake;youhavethatpower.Youhavethepowertofreeyourselfofthenegativityandtofindhappiness.Youhavethepowertoliveyourlifethewayyouchoose,ratherthanassomeoneelse
dictates.Youhavethepower…useit.
CHAPTER
Twelve
TIMEFORYOU
“Ifyoucan’tseethebeautyofyourlifefromwhereyouarenow,removetheobstaclesinfrontofyouandlookagain.”
HelpYourself
“Sometimes,theonlypersonwhocanhelpyouisyou.”
Yourfriendscansupportyou,theycancheeryouonandbethereforyou,butintheend,youhavetobetheonetomaketheharddecisionsandmakethechanges.Noonecandothatforyoubutyou.
DoWhatMakesYouHappy
“Ladies…forjustonemoment,stopworryingaboutwhateveryoneelsethinksanddowhatmakesyouhappy.”
Irealizethatmostofyourtimeisspenttendingtothewantsandneedsofyourchildren,yourcareer,andeveryoneelse.Youareconstantlyrunning,frombeforethesunrisesuntilwellafteritsets,tryingtoholdallofthepiecestoyourlife’spuzzletogether.Ironically,somewherethroughitall,youlosetrackofthemostimportantpiece…you.Then,whenyoutrytotaketimeforyourself,youget“griefforit”andinsomeinstances,youevengetaccusedofbeing“selfish.”Interestinglyenough,theonesthat say you are being “selfish” are usually the ones you give all of your attention to. So, yourquestiontothemshouldbe,“AmIreallybeingselfishorareyou?”
Never feel guilty for wanting to take time for yourself. After all you do for everyone else…you’veearnedit.Taketimeforyou.
FallInLoveWithYouAgain
Sometimes…yousimplyhavetomaketimeforyou.Findthetimetotakeyourselfoutonadatesothatyoucanreacquaintyourselfwithwhoyouareandwhatyouwantoutoflife.Ifyoudothisoftenenough,youneverknow,youmightjustfindyourselffallinginlovewith“you”alloveragain.
NOTES:
Keep trackofall the thingsyoudo, thatare just foryou,anddescribehow theymakeyou feelaboutyourself.
CHAPTER
Thirteen
THEFEAROF
STARTINGOVER
“There’snothingwrongwithholdingonandthere’snothingwrongwithlettinggo.Thetrickisdecidingwhichoneisbestforyou.”
She’sNotAfraidToLove
“She’shadherheartbroken,yetshe’snotafraidtolove;whatsheisafraidofiswastinganymoreyearsofherlifelovingandsupportingamanjustto,intheend,haveherheartbrokenandfindherself
havingtostartalloveragain.”
TheFearOfBeingVulnerable
“Thefeelingofbeingvulnerableisoneofthescariestthingsaboutfallinginlove.Buttheideaofputtingitalloutthereandlovingwithoutpauseorregret…that’swhatmakesitexciting.”
W ithgreatriskcomeseithergreatsorroworgreatreward.Isay, trustyourjudgmentandtakeachance!Ifyou’rewrong, thepainwillbeonlytemporary.However, ifyou’reright,youcouldfindenoughhappinesstolastyoualifetime.
HoldingOnToThePast
“Aslongasyouholdontoyourangerforthewrongmanofthepast,hewillforeverhavecontroloveryourabilitytobehappyinthefuture.”
Alotofyouhavemovedonphysically,butyoustillcarrythepainandtheangerthathecausedyouinside.
Giveyourselfafairchancetofindtruehappiness.Nowisthetimetofinallylethimgo.
TheManOfYourDreams
“Letgoofyourfearsofstartingover”
Asayounggirl,youdreamedofthemanhewouldbe.Someofyouhavefoundthatmanandothershavesettled.Thoseofyouwhohavesettled,lateatnight,stillwonderwhatlifewouldbelikeifyouhadnotsettled.Yourdreamsofhappinessrundownyourcheeksandturnintotearsofsorrowasyoucryyourselftosleep.
Remember, in lifeyouhavechoices; letgoofyourfearofstartingoveranddowhat’sbest foryou.It’snevertoolatetobehappy…thechoiceisyours.
CHAPTER
Fourteen
BEAUTIFULSTRONGWOMAN
Youjusthavetosaytoyourself,“I’mnotwillingtoacceptanythinglessthanwhatIdeserve!Iamsmart!Iambeautiful!Iamagoodwoman,andIdeservetobehappy!”Itallstartswithyou.
TakeControlToday
Today,takecontrolofyourlifeandbethebeautiful,strongwomanyoudreamed,
asalittlegirl,youwouldsomedaygrowuptobe.
Someofyoumayhavealreadyforgottenthatdreamandothersmayhavesettled.
Today,Iamheretoremindyouofit.Stoplivingsomeoneelse’sdreamandstartlivingyour
own.Remember,thatlittlegirlinsidestillbelievesinyou…don’tletherdown.
BeYou
“Bethewomanyouwanttobe,notthewomaneveryoneelseexpectsyoutobe.”
Godmakesnomistakes.Ifyoulookatitfromthatperspective,youwillseethatyouareaperfectcreationofwhatheintendedwhenhecreatedyou.Beproudofwhoyouare.Afterall,you’renotonlyaoneinamillion…you’reaonceinalifetime.
YouAreBeautiful
“Youarebeautifuljustthewayyouare.”
Weallhavethosedayswhen,forwhateverreason,wejustdon’tfeelthatbeautifulandareminder
wouldbenice.Iftodayisyourday,letmeremindyou…youarebeautifuljustthewayyouare.
IHopeHeNoticed
“Moreoftenthannot,it’sthelittlethingsthatmattermost.”
Ihopehenoticed thatyouhadyourhairdone inadifferentstyleor thefact thatyoupaintedyournailsthatnewcoloryou’vebeenwantingtotry.Ihopehenoticedthatnewoutfityouboughttowearjustforhim.Ihopehenoticedandcomplimentedyouonthem.Ifnot,letmebethefirst…youlookamazing!
ThePerfectYou
“Ihopewhenyouwokeupthismorning,youlookedinthemirrorandsawexactlywhatIseewhenIlookatyou…anincrediblybeautifulwomanwhoisunique
anddeservingofalltheloveandattentionthatagoodmanhastooffer.”
AStrongWoman’sSmile
“Astrongwomanwithabeautifulsmileisattractive,butastrongwomanwithabeautifulmind
isaddictive.”
InTheLakeThereLiesAReflection
Inthelakethereliesareflection,amereperfectedimageofyou.
Ifyousitquietlybyherbedside,she’llmovecloserandclosertoyou.
Ifyousmile,she’llsmileback.Wheneveryoutouchher,she’llreact.
Inthelakethereliesareflection,ifyouloveher,shewillalwaysloveyouback.
Justareminder,nomatterwhatyouaregoingthrough, loveyourselffirstandyouwillalwaysbeloved;noonecantakethatawayfromyou.
AStrongWoman’sWallsAroundHerHeart
Iloveawomanwhohasbuiltupstrongwallsaroundherheart.Ittellsmethatyou’vebeenthroughsomethingsand,notonlyareyouasurvivor,butfromthoseexperiences,you’velearnedhowtobetterprotectyourself.You’vealsolearnedthetruevalueofyourloveandnowgettingclosetoyourheartisnotthateasy.Ifamanwantsyourlove,he’sgoingtohavetoprovehimselfworthybeforeyougivehim
thehonorofreplacingthatwallandassumingtheroleofyourheart’sprotector.
Inmyopinion,therearemainlythreetypesofpeoplewhowouldcriticizeyouforhavingastrongwall aroundyourheart:Those that are too lazy towork foryour love, those that haveneverbeenthroughthelesson,andthosethathavebeenthroughitbutstillhaven’tlearned.
AStrongWomanIsSelf-Defined
Astrongwomanisself-defined.Sheknowsthattheonlydefinitionofherthatmattersisherown.
Youdefineyourself.Youhavetotalcontroloverwhoyouareasawoman;nomanhasthepowerto
takethatfromyouunlessyougiveittohim.
ToMyBeautifulStrongWoman
Youknowyouarebeautiful,notbecausehetellsyou,butbecauseeversinceyouwereayounggirl,youhavealwaysknownthatyouwouldsomedaygrowuptobeabeautiful,strongwoman.You’renot
arrogantorconceited;you’rehumble,yetconfident.There’sacertainstrengthaboutyouthatcannotbeignored.
Strong,confidentmenfindyourstrengthtobeincrediblyattractivewhileweaker,lessconfidentmenfindittobeintimidatingandfeelthreatenedbyit.Yourstrengthisbothyourgreatestblessingandyourgreatestcurse.Yourgreatestcursebecausemanymenhavefallenshortcausingyoutospendcountlessnightsalonewonderingifyouwereaskingtoomuchbutyou’renot.Infact,itisyour
strengthwhichallowsyoutomaintainyourhighstandards,throughallthoselonelynights,becauseyouknowthatoneday,therightmanwillrevealhimselftoyou.Thenandonlythen,willyouloweryourwallsandallowyourselftobecomevulnerabletofallhopelesslyinlovewithoutfearorpause.
To my Beautiful, StrongWoman: Be strong… Be patient. The right man is out there searchingrelentlessly,throughallthenonsense,lookingforyou.Givehimtime.
CHAPTER
Fifteen
SETTINGANEW
STANDARD
“Thequalityofthemanyouchoosewillonlybeasgoodasthestandardsbywhichyouusetochoosehim.”
NeverLowerYourStandards
“Don’teverthinkthatyouwillavoidbeingdisappointedbyloweringyourstandardsforaman.Intheend,notonlywillyoustillbedisappointedbyhim,butyouwillalsobedisappointedinyourselffor
everhavingloweredyourstandardsinthefirstplace.”
Beselective.Everymanshouldnotmeetyourstandards.There’snothingwrongwithyoudecidingnottowasteyourtimeonamanthatyou’vedeterminedisawasteoftime.
Having standards doesn’t mean you’re “stuck-up” or “conceited,” it means you’re a strongwoman,whoknowswhat shewants and is notwilling to settle for anything less. There is nothingwrongwiththat.Infact,asaman…Irespectthat.
Never feel bad for havinghigh standards; it’s part of your process forweedingout thewrongman.
BeThe“Only”One
Whysettleforbeinga“side”ora“main”whenthereisagoodmanouttherewaitingtomakeyouhis“only.”
Don’tmakeyourselfunavailablefortherightmanbecauseyoubecameimpatientandsettledforthewrongman.
Thinkaboutitforaminute;ifhedoesn’tvalueyouenoughtocommittomakingyouhis“only,”hemostcertainlyisnotemotionallywealthyenoughtobeabletoaffordyourlove.
YouAreExtraordinary
“Whenyouareextraordinary,ordinaryjustwon’tdo.”
Youareanextraordinarywomanwhoiscapableofaccomplishinganythingandeverythingyousetyourheartandmindto.Youshouldsettlefornothinglessthanamanwho,notonlyrecognizesthis,butalsoencouragesyouateveryopportunitytobetheabsolutebestyoucanbe.Heshouldalsobeamanwhoissecureenoughinhimselfandtherelationshiptobeabletotakeastepbackandbeyourbiggestfanwhenitfinallycomestimeforyoutoshineanddoyourthing.
FriendsWithBenefits
“Friendswithbenefits”isacreativewayofhimsayinghethinksyou’regoodenoughtosleepwith,butnotworthyofhisloyaltyandcommitment.
Nomatterhowyoulookatit,foryouasagoodwoman,therearenolong-termbenefitstothistypeofrelationship.Idon’tcarehow“Acceptable”Hollywoodtriestomakeitseem.Intheend,whatdoyouhave:nocommitment,noloyalty,nolove…nothing.Allthethingsthatreallymattertoyou,asagoodwoman,youdon’tget.Allyouhaveis theinstantphysicalgratificationandwhenthat’sgone,you’releftwithnothing.Youdeservebetter.
Strong,SingleAndHappy
“She’ssingle,notbecauseshecan’tfindaman,butbecauseshe’swaitingfortherightmantocomealongandmakeherfeelsosecureintherelationshipthatlovinghimjustcomesnaturalandeasy.”
Don’teverletanyonemakeyoufeellikebeingsingleisabadthing.Takeyourtime,bepatient,andwaitfortherightone.
It’salmost likebuying fruit at thegrocery store.Youdon’t justwalkup,grab the firstpieceoffruityouseeandputitinyourbasket.No!Youpickitup,squeezeit,lookitoverandifit’snotwhatyouwant,youputitback.Besides,everyoneknowsthatthebestfruitisonthebottom.Youhavetodigalittletogettothehighestqualityfruit.
Well,menarekindofthesame.Youhavetotakeyourtime,checkthemoutandifyoudon‘tlikehim,puthimback!Why?Becauseat theendof theday, ifyourushand take thewrongonehome,you‘retheonethathastodealwithhim!
BePatient
“Somewhereoutthere,there’sagoodmanjustasfrustratedasyouarethathehasnotfoundyouyet;bepatient.Hewon’tgiveuponyou…don’tyoudaregiveuponhim.”
Ifyou’veeverbeensomewhereandwere lostandneededsomeonetocomefindyou,you’dknowthatoneofthefirstthingstheytellyouis“stayrightthere.I’monmyway.”Thereasontheysaythatisbecauseifyoukeepmoving,itmakesitmoredifficultforthemtofindyou.Well,thesameapplieshere.Youhavetostopmovingaroundandwastingallyourtimeonmenthatyouknowcan’torwon’tmeetyouremotionalneedsandsitstillandbepatientlongenoughtobefoundbytherightmanwhocanandwill.
TooManyToSettle
“Therearetoomanymenoutthereforyoutosettleononethatdoesn’tmakeyouhappy.Ifhe’snotactingright,lethimknow.Ifhe’snotwillingtofixit,lethimgo.”
Evenagoodmancanhave issues,butas longashe’swilling towork through themwithyou, tomovetherelationshipforward,there’sstillthepossibilityofthingsworkingout.
Ontheotherhand,ifhe’snotwillingtoworkwithyoutofixtheproblem,thensometimes,youevenhavetoletthegoodonesgo.
TheSameAppliesToYou
“Inyourrelationship,neversettleforlessthanwhatyoudeserve.Atthesametime,neverthinkyoudeservemoreoutofarelationshipthanyouarewillingtoputintoit.”
Be realistic inyourexpectations.WhenIsayyoushouldneversettle, thatdoesn’tabsolveyouofyourresponsibilitytomeetthesameexpectationsthatyousetforthem.Ifyourexpectationsarehigh,thenyourownlevelofperformanceandcommitmentshouldbeequallyashigh.Youshouldexpectto
getoutofitwhatyouputintoit.Nothingmore,nothingless.
TheTickingClock
Don’teverletthe“tickingoftheclock”forceyouintosettlingforamanyouknowisn’trightforyou.Intheend,isitnotbettertobesingleandhappyfor5years,thantowakeuponemorningandrealizeyouhavewastedthelast5yearsofyourlifewithsomeoneyouknewwouldnevermakeyouhappyin
thefirstplace?
Thisisjustadifferentwayoflookingatthings.Whateveryoudo,makessureit’srightforyou:notyourfriends,notfamily,notanyoneelse…dowhat’sbestforyou.
TimeToChoose
“Themoretimeyoutake,inthebeginning,tochoosetherightman,thelesstimeyou’llwaste,intheend,dealingwiththewrongone.”
Youhaveworkedtoohardandcometoofar,togetwhereyouaretoday,toletamanwithnovisionornodirectionslowyoudown.Takeyourtime.
STAYFOCUSED!
YourNewList
Use thefollowingpage towritedownyournewstandards.Don’t focusonfinancialorphysicalattributes, those are things you want. I want you to concentrate on writing down what you needemotionally,asawoman,fromaman.
Inshort,I’maskingyoutodescribe,ononepage,whattherightmanistoyou.Whenyoufinish,reviewwhatyou’vewrittenandcommitittomemory.Asyougrow,adjustitaccordingly.
Now,Iwantyoutopromiseyourself,nomatterhowlongyourdaysareorhowlonelyyournightsmaybe,youwillneversettleforanythinglessthanwhat’sonthatonepageofpaper.
NOTES:
CHAPTER
Sixteen
SOMETHINGSFORYOU
TOTHINKABOUT
ImportantImpression
“Themostimportantimpressionamancanmakeonyouisnotthefirstimpression,butratheralastingimpressionthatonlycomesfromconsistencyovertime.”
Eventhewrongmancanplaytheroleoftherightmaninthebeginning.Don’tbesoimpressedbyhisfirstimpression.Thefirstimpressionistheeasypart.It’sthelastingimpressionthattakesallthework.
Don’tConfuseComfortForLove
Don’tconfusebeing“comfortable”forbeing“inlove.”
Someofyouareinarelationshipbecauseyouare“inlove”andsomeofyouareinarelationshipsimplybecauseyouare“comfortable”initandafraidofchange.
Remember, just because you are comfortable, doesn’t mean you‘re in love. How to tell thedifference? Ask yourself this question, “Why am I here?” If you have no answer or you have tojustifyyour answer through logic andnot emotion, then that’s comfort. If you’re therebecauseoflove,you’llknowbecauseyouranswerwillbeanemotionaloneandjustthinkingabouttheanswerwillcauseyoutosmile.
SomeMenWouldSayAnything
Somemenwouldsay“anything”togetwhattheywant,butyouhavetobewillingtobelieve“anything”togiveittothem.
It’s less about what he says and more about what you choose to believe. Be more selective and
patient.Knowingthatmostmenwillsayanythingmeansthatyoucan’tbelieveeverything.Remember,withoutconsistentactions,overtime,hiswordshavenovalue.
PotentialMeansNothing
“Youbeingabletoseethepotentialinamanmeansnothinguntilheseesitinhimself.”
Youcanseeallthepotentialyouwantinaman.Youcanbelieveinhim.Youcanhavefaithinhim.Youcanseetheendlesspossibilitiesinaman,butuntilheseesitandbelievesithimselfandactsonit,youhavenothing.
NeverChaseAMan
“Goodmendon’trun.So,ifyoufindyourselfhavingtochaseaman,stop…that’sthewrongman!”
Don’tLetTheHurtFoolYou
“Don’teverletthehurtortheangerofabadseparationfoolyouintodisrespectingyourself.”
Althoughyoumayhavehadabadseparationandfeelangryathimforwhathe’sdone,neverallowthatanger tocauseyou todisrespectyourself.Some think that if theygooutandare intimatewithsomeoneimmediatelyafterthebreakup,theyare,insomeway,payinghimbackforwhathe’sdone;this is farthest from the truth! The truth is you are sacrificing your self-respect, dignity, andreputationasagoodwoman,all to tryandhurtamanwho’salreadyprovenhedoesn’tcareaboutyou.Isitreallyworthit?Idon’tthinkso.
Never let theactionsof thewrongmancauseyou to loweryourself toa level that’s lower thanhim;youarebetterthanthat.Yourself-respect,dignityandyourreputation,asagoodwoman,arefartoovaluabletoagoodmanforyoutothrowthemawaytryingtogetrevengeonthewrongman.
BendingOverBackwards
“Makesureyoudon’tbreakyourself,tryingtofixamanthatisalreadybroken.”
Thereare some thingsyoucanhelpamanwithand thereare some thingsonlyhealonecan fix.Don’tbreakyourselftryingtofixsomethingthatistotallyoutsideofyourpowertofix.Intheend,he’llstillbebrokenandyou’llendupbothbrokenheartedandcompletelyexhausted.
WhyPlayTheDetective
“Inyourrelationship,youshouldnothavetoplaythedetectivetogettothetruth;youshouldbeabletoaskthequestionandhegiveyoutheanswer.Itshouldbeassimpleasthat.”
If it isn’t, you have some big decisions to make. In my opinion, there’s nothing worse than nothearingthetruthfromtheoneyouloveandinstead,havingtohearitfromsomeoneelse.
WhenHeYellsAtYou
“Themoreoftenheyellsatyou,thefurtheryou’lldriftaway;andthenonedayhe’llrealizethatyoutwoaresofarapartemotionally,thatyoucan’thearawordhesays.Bythen…it’stoolate.”
Thetruecharacterofamanisnotseenduringthegoodtimesbutduringtimesofstress.Whenheyellsatyou,he’s tryingtocontrolyouor thesituation.Youcantella lotaboutamanduringthesetimesbecauseifhedoesn’tdealwithitwell,histruecolorswillbegintoshow.Remember,youcanmeasurethetruestrengthofamanbyhowwellhecontrolsothers,butyoumeasurehistruepowerbyhowwellhecontrolshimself.
BestFriendVs.Boyfriend
Justbecausehemadeagood“Bestfriend,”doesn’tnecessarilymeanhe’llmakeagood“Boyfriend.”
Theoretically,itsoundslikeitshouldwork;however,itcanprovetobealittlemorecomplicated.I’mnotsayingitcan’tworkbecauseI’veseenitgobothways.AllIamsayingisyoushouldbeverycareful if you are considering transitioning a current “Best friend” into the “Boyfriend” position.That switch will not only cause the expectations to change, but the rules of the relationship willchange as well. If it works, great, but if it doesn’t, you stand a big chance of losing both your“Boyfriend”andyour“BestFriend.”
Thequestionthenbecomes,“areyouwillingtotakethatrisk?
TryingToConvinceThemOfYourWorth
“Neverwasteyourtimetryingtoconvincesomeoneelseofyourworth.Iftheycan’tseeit,theyarenotworththeeffort.”
Thebeautifulthingabouttheoneswhotrulyloveusisthattheyarealwaysabletoseeourworth,evenwhenwedoubt itourselves.Infact, theyareoftentheonesthatremindusof itwhenevertheythinkwe’resettlingforlessthanwhatwedeserve.
Ifyouhavetotrytoconvincesomeoneofyourworth,thatmeanstheydon’talreadyknowit.Andiftheydon’talreadyknowit,howcantheyvalueyouandtherelationship?
NeverLoseYourself
“Staytruetowhoyouareasawoman.Whentherelationshipisinharmonywithwhoyouare,itworks.However,whenitstartstomakeyoufeellikeyouhavetosacrificewhoyouare,asawoman,tomakeit
work,itmaybetimetoreevaluatewhetherornotthatrelationshipisstillrightforyou.”
Never completely lose your identity of self in a relationship.When you do, you lose your veryreasonforbeingthereinthefirstplace.
Intheend,everythingchanges,butahealthyrelationshipshouldgrowwithyou,notagainstyou.
Don’tBeFooled
Don’tbefooledbyaman’swordsandhisinconsistentactions.Instead,lookforconsistencyoveralongperiodoftimebecause,ifyouthinkaboutit,every“wrong”man,thatyoueverdated,seemedlike
the“right”maninthebeginning.
Takeyourtimeandbepatient.Remember,datingthewrongmancanbelikeahorrormovie.Inthebeginning,it’salwaysfunandexcitinguntilthecrazyoneshowsup.Then,thingscanget“real”reallyquick.
AllIamsayingisthis:ifyoudon’twanttoendupco-starringinhishorrormovie,takethetimetoreadthescriptbeforeyouacceptthepart!
Yesterday’sHappiness
“Whenyouhavetorelyonyesterday’shappinessinarelationship,togetyouthroughtoday,itmightbetimetomoveon.”
Everydayisanopportunityforyoutodosomethingthataddsvaluetoyourrelationshipandmoveit forward. If you are notmoving forward, you‘removing backward; there is no such thing as arelationshipthatstandsstill.Lifeismotion,andarelationshipwithnomotionisdead.
So if thereevercomesa time, inyour relationship,whenallyouhavearememories,youmayneed to reevaluate the relationship. Remember, memories are in the past and if that’s all yourrelationshiphas,itmightnothaveafuture.
LoveMeansNothingWithoutLoyalty
“Aman’sloveforyoumeansabsolutelynothingifitdoesn’tcomewithanuncompromisingloyaltytoyouandyourrelationship;thatshouldbenon-negotiable.”
W ithout loyalty, there is not trust. Without trust, you have nothing to look forward to butheadaches, heartache, and regrets. Furthermore, If you choose to give your time to amanwithoutloyalty,justknowthathewillalwaysdisappointyou.Itmaytakealittlewhile,butsoonerorlaterhislackofloyaltywillshinethrough.Whenitdoes,you’llwishyouhadnevergivenyourtimetosuchaman.
TheBestSexWon’tFillThatVoid
“Thebestsexintheworld,withoutlove,stillwon’tfillthatvoid.It’saquickfixandyouwon’trealizeituntilyouwakeupthenextmorningandrealizeyou’restillalone.”
KnowingWhatYouDoAndDon’tWant
“Knowingwhatyoudon’twantinamanisequallyasimportantasknowingwhatyoudowantfromhim.”
He’sNotSupposedToKillYourDreams
“He’snotsupposedtomakeyougiveuponyourdreams…he’ssupposedtohelpyouachievethem.”
StopGradingOnACurve
“Ladies,stopgradingthesemenonacurve.Eitherhemeetsyourstandardsorhedoesn’t;stopmakingexcusesforhim!”
LonelyInARelationship
“Tobesingleandfeellonelyisunderstandable,buttobeinarelationshipandfeellonely…that’sunacceptable.”
Whenyouaresingle,missingthecompanionshipandinteractionwithsomeoneyouloveandcareaboutisnormal.However,whenyouareinarelationshipandstillfeelthesamelonelinessasyoudidwhenyouweresingle,that’snotnormal.Youhavetoaskyourselfthefollowingquestion,“WhyamIevenwastingmytimeinthisrelationship?”
It’spossiblethathemayhavesimplygottencaughtupinhisdaytodaytasksandhemaynotevenrealizethathe’scausedyoutofeelthewayyoudo.Myadvicewouldbeforyoutotalktohimabouthowyou feel andgivehim theopportunity tomake thenecessary changes. If he does, great. If hedoesn’t,thenmaybeyouneedtostartthinkingaboutmakingsomechangesforyourselfandyourownhappiness.
TheCostOflove
Theysay,“Lovedoesn’tcostathing,”butIdisagreebecausefallinginlovewiththewrongpersoncouldcostyoueverything.
Forthoseofyouwhohavebeeninarelationshipwhere,whenyoufinallywalkedaway,youwerephysically,mentally, andemotionallyexhausted; to thepointwhereyou felt likeyouwere literallystartingyourlifealloveragain,youknowexactlywhatImean.
Forthoseofyouwhohaven’texperiencedthisfeeling,whenyou‘reouttheredecidingwhoyouwillandwhoyouwon‘tgiveyourtimeandultimatelyyourloveto, justremember,yourloveisn’t
free.Ifyoudecidewrong,itcouldcostyoueverything.
CHAPTER
Seventeen
THERIGHTMAN
“Therightmanwon’tbreakyourheart;he’llprotectit.”
HeWon’tWantYouToLowerYourStandards
“Therightmanwon’twantyoutoloweryourstandards;hewouldratherpushhimselftomeetorexceedthem.”
Never let anyone talk you into lowering your standards!Anywoman thatwould complain aboutyour standards being too high has probably already compromised her own. Any man that wouldcomplainaboutyourstandardsbeingtoohighismorethanlikelyusedtodealingwithwomenwhohavenone.
Norealmantakesprideinreachingalevel that iseasilyreached.Thepridecomesfromall thediscipline and thework thatweput into attaining thatwhichothers fail to achieve.Theprocess ofsettingourselvesapartfromtherest…that’swhatwelivefor.Withlove,it’snodifferent.Therightmanwouldratherfightandearnyourloveandtrust thanforyoutosimplygiveit tohim.Inotherwords,arealmanwouldrathernothaveyourloveatallthantogetitbydefault.
Nevercompromiseyourstandardsbecausesomewhereoutthere,there’sagoodmanwhoisnotonlywilling,butmorethancapableofmeetingorexceedingthem.
PrideInYourHappiness
“Therightmanwilltakeprideinyourhappiness.Heknowsthatthehappieryouare,thehappierhewillbe.”
He’llNeverJudgeYou
“Amandoesn’tnecessarilyhavetoagreewithyourpast,butheshouldbewillingtoacceptitifhewantstobeapartofyourfuture.”
The rightmanwill never judgeyoubyyourpast. Instead, he’ll choose to respect the realnessofyourjourneytobecomingthebeautiful,strongwomanthatyouaretoday.Hewillunderstandthatnoone’sperfect;however,youare theperfectculminationofallyourpastexperiences,both thegoodandthebad,andwithallthingshavingbeenconsidered…hewillstillbelievethatyouareperfectforhim.
WhenYouKnowYouAreLovedAndRespected
“Hisphysicalstrengthmaybringyouthecomfortofknowingyouareprotected,butit’shisabilitytoattendtoyouremotionalneedsthatgivesyouthepeaceofmindthatcomeswithknowingyouareloved
andrespected.”
Findyourplaceofpeaceinthearmsoftheonethattrulylovesandrespectsyou;andwhenyoudo…holdonwithallyourmightcauseyougotagoodman.
WhenTheRightManComesAlong
“Whenit’stherightman,youwon’thavetochange;he’llloveyoujustthewayyouare.”
Whentherightmancomesalong,inhiseyes,themostbeautifulthingaboutyouwillbewhoyouare as a woman. To him, it will be the little things you never even think about thatmake you soamazing.
TheRightManWillFindStrengthInUnity
“Therightmanmaydisagreewithyouinprivate,butinpublic…hewillalwayshaveyourback.”
TheRightMan’sLove
“Whentherightmanwalksintoyourlifeandlovesyouthewayyoudeservetobeloved,yourwholeperspectiveonlifewillchange.”
MoreThanJustYourMan
“Therightmanwillwanttobemoretoyouthanjustyourman;he’llwanttobeyourbestfriend,yourconfidant,andtheonepersoninthisworldtoneverdisappointyou.”
To the rightman, it’ssomuchbigger than justsimplybeingyourman. It’sabout filling inat themostimportantpositionsinyourlife.It’sabouthimbeingtheoneyoucanconfidein…theoneyoucantalktoaboutanything.It’sabouthimbeingthefirstoneyoucometoinallyourmajordecisions.Tohim,themostvaluablethinginhislifeisbeingthemostvaluablepersoninyours.
He’s“Ready”
“Therightmanwillfindhimselfbeforehelooksforyou.”
Manymenhavesight,butonlyafewhaveavision.Visioniswhatallowsmentounderstandwherewearegoingandwhatitwilltaketogetthere.
Ladies,findamanwithavision.That’stheonlywaytobesureyoutwoareheadedforthesamedestination.
TheMostBeautifulThingsAbout
You
“Therightmanwillseeyouinawaythatonlyamanwhotrulylovesandadoresyoucanseeyou:withhisheartandnotwithhiseyes.”
Themostbeautifulthingsaboutyoucan’tbeseenortouched;theycan’tbecapturedinaphotographorrecordedonavideo.Themostbeautifulthingsaboutyouwillgounseenbythemanwhoseesyouonlywithhiseyesandnotwithhisheart.Butthemanwhotakesthetimetoreallygettoknowyou,tolistentoyou,andtoultimatelyunderstandyou,willseeyouverydifferently.Thatmanwillseeyourbeautyasablindmanwoulddescribeit;notbasedonwhathesees,butbasedonhowhefeels.
You see, the rightmanwill appreciate your beauty on the outside, but he’ll love you for yourbeautyontheinside.
NOTES:
Describetherightmanforyou.Thecatchis,youcannotmentionanythingabouthisphysicalorfinancialassets.Iwantyoutofocusspecificallyonhowhewouldmeetyouremotional,mentalandspiritualneeds.
Memorize this listso thatwhenyoumeetaman,regardlessofhis looksorhismoney,youcan
closeyoureyesandaskyourselfwhetherornothelooksanythinglikethis list.Notbasedonwhatyousee,butbasedonhowhemakesyoufeel.Ifhedoesremindyouofyourlist,that’sagoodstart;butifhedoesn’t,youmaywanttoreconsiderwhetherornothe’srightforyou.
PartII
ForHim
CHAPTER
Eighteen
FROMONEMAN
TOANOTHER
“Ifyouloveher,bestrongenough,notonlytotellher,buttoshowheraswell,orbestrongenoughtowatchherbelovedbysomeoneelse.”
PayAttentionToOneWoman
“Ibelievethatifsomemenwouldjuststoptryingtoimpressallwomenandsimplyfocusonthephysicalandemotionalneedsoftheonetheyarewith,theirliveswouldbefarlessexpensiveand
muchmorefulfilling.”
Amanwill getmore fulfillment from the loveofonewoman thanhewill from the attentionofmany.Hesimplyneedstofocusonthewomanhe’swith,letgooftherestandeverythingelsewillfallintoplace.
IfYouDon’tTalkToHer
“Ifyoudon’ttalktoher,foratleastanhoureachday,you’llhavenoideaaboutwhatisgoingoninherlife.”
Ifyouarereallyinterestedinwhatisgoingoninherlife,youwilltakethetimetotalktoherandlistentowhatshehastosay.
Myadviceisthatyoushouldmakeeveryefforttobeapartofwhat’sgoingonwithheronadaytodaybasis.Ifyoudon’t…someoneelsewill.
HerSilenceSpeaksVolumes
“Awoman’ssilenceisoneofhermostpowerfulformsofcommunication;itconveysemotions,sointense,thatnowordscouldpossiblydescribehowshefeelsatthatmoment.”
Ifyoufindyourselfonthereceivingendofawoman’ssilenttreatmentandarecuriousastowhetheror not you should be concerned, the answer is…YES! Sometimes, all she needs is a little time.
Whateveryoudo,don’tforcetheissue.Whenyoufeelabreakinthetension,sitdownwithherandtalktoheraboutwhat’sbotheringher.Remember,don’ttrytojustifyyouractionsat thispoint.Sheneedsyoutosimplylistentowhatshehastosay.Whenshe’sfinished,acknowledgeherfeelingsandworkwith her to resolve the issue. It’s not aboutwinning or losing orwho’s right orwrong; it’sabout the two of you understanding and respecting each other and working together to move therelationshipforward.
Talk“To”Her
Talk“to”herandnot“at”her…there’sadifference.
It’s not alwayswhat you say, but howyou say it and the tone you choose to use that often turn asimplediscussionintoanargument.Whenyoutalk“to”her,youareconsiderateofherfeelingsandheropinions.Whenyoutalk“at”her,youaredisregardingboth,andshecanfeelit.
My thoughts are you should never make demands. Instead, you should make requests orsuggestions.Alwaysconsidergettingherinputonimportantdecisionsrelatedtotherelationshipandeventhingsthatrelateonlytoyou.Showherthatheropinionmatters.Remember,yourtoneandhowyousayitwillhaveahugeimpactonhowshetakesit.Inotherwords,apleasanttonewillgetyouapleasantresponse.Anegativeoraggressivetonewillusuallygetyouanegativeresponse.
StopAsking!
Forthoseofyouwhofinditnecessarytoaskawomanhowmanymenshe’sbeenwithbeforeyou:stopasking!
Forone,whatdoesitreallymatter?Whatifshesays,2or10or20?Shouldwhatshehasdoneinthepast have any impact on how you feel about her today? If it does,maybe shewould be better offfindingsomeonewho’smore interested inwhoshe is todayrather thanwastingher timeonamanwho’smore concernedwithwho shewas fiveyears ago.Besides, tobehonest, it’s aquestion thatmostofusexpectwomentoanswerhonestly,butifwewereaskedthesame,wewouldhaveadifficulttimegivingheranhonestanswer.
Intheend,it’sthepast!Ifyouloveher,acceptallofher,includingallthepastlifeexperiencesthathavecontributedtomakingherthewomansheistoday:boththegoodandthebad.
BeHonestAboutYourIntentions
“Awomanneedsamantobehonestandupfrontwithher,fromthebeginning,abouthisintentions.Don’tletmonths,orevenyearsgobybeforeyoufinallygetthecouragetotellheryou’renotreadyto
commit.”
Don’ttakeawayherabilitytodecidewhat’sbestforherbylyingaboutyourtrueintentions.Justbehonest.Somewomenareopentodifferenttypesofrelationships,whetheritinvolvesacommitmentornot.AllI‘msayingisbeupfrontandhonestwithher.Shehasarighttochoosewhat’sbestforher.
TheOldYou
Ifawomaneversays,“Imisstheoldyou,”thatisawarningtoletyouknowthatyou’vechangedandnotinagoodway.
Sometimesweasmendon‘tpayenoughattentiontothewarningsignsuntilit’stoolate.Commentslike,“youusedtodothatformeallthetime,howcomeyoudon‘tdoitanymore”or“Ireallymisswhenweusedto…”shouldbearedflag.These,amongothers,arenotjustemptycomments;thesecommentssaythatsheisbeginningtolooktothepastportionoftherelationshipforherhappiness,insteadofthepresent.
Mythoughts…payattentiontothesecommentsandtrytoreincorporatewhateveritisshe‘saskingforintoyourcurrentplans.Iffornootherreason,doitbecauseitmakesherhappy.
Boredom
Therearealotofreasonswhyawomancouldloseinterestinaman…“BOREDOM”isoneofthem.
Whenawomansaysshewantsconsistency,shedoesn’tmeanshewantsyoutodothe“samething”over and over. For her, love is a new and exciting experience. Shewants you to be consistent butcreative.Shewantsyou tobring stability,while at the same timebeingable tobe spontaneousand
willingtotrynewandexcitingthingswithher.I’veheardmanywomensaytheylookforwardtospendingeverymomenttheycanwiththeman
they love.That’sbecause theyunderstand that thosemoments, if spentwith the rightman,have thepotentialoflaterbecominggreatmemories.
So, for themen reading this, don‘t be afraid to try somethingdifferent: surprise her. It doesn’thave to be something big. In fact, the best memories are often made from the smaller things.Whateveryoudo,beconsistentwithyourloveandcreativeinhowyoushowit.
CheckYourEgo
“Don’tloseherbecauseyouallowyouregotobecomebiggerthanyourheart.”
W inningisn’teverything,especiallywhenyou’reinarelationshipandtheloserisgoingtobethewomanyoulove.Don‘tletyouregocauseyoutopushanissuewithherthat,intheend,gainsyounothingbut a boost to your ego.As a result, you’ve damagedyour relationshipwith her. I have asayingIgobyanditstatessimplythis,“Wheninarelationship,neverletyouregowriteacheckthatonlyasinglemancancash.”
ToHearTheTruthFromYou
“Everyonemakesmistakes.Sheknowsyou’renotperfect,andshedoesn’texpectyoutobe.Butwhenitcomestothetruth,shewouldmuchratherhearitfromyouthantobeblindsidedandhearitfrom
someoneelse.”
WhenSheTalksToYou
“Whensheshareswithyouherproblems,it’snotthatshe’scomplaining;shesimplytrustsyouenoughtotalktoyouaboutthem.”
For her to open up to you and share with you both the good and bad, is one of the greatestcomplimentsshecouldgivetoyou.Itsaysthatshetrustsyouandrespectsyouropinion.Evenmore,itsaysthatshefeelscomfortabletalkingtoyouandthatthere’snooneelseshewouldrathershareherfeelingswiththanyou.
SpendTime,NotMoney
“MakingagoodwomanfeelsecureintherelationshiphasnothingtodowithhowmuchmoneyyouspendONHER,butratherhowmuchqualitytimeyouarewillingtospendWITHHER.”
Agoodwomanisnot interestedinyourMoneyoryourstatus.Whatshewantsfromyouisyourtime,loyalty,love,commitmentandforyoutotreatherlikenothingelseintheworldmatters.
Overreacting
Thereisnosuchthingasher“overreacting.”Thereactionisadirectreflectionofhowshefeltatthatverymoment.
Foryoutosaytoher,“youareoverreacting”or“you’rebeingtooemotional”istototallydisregardheremotionalstateatthatmoment.Therealityisthatsheismostlikelyrespondingtosomethingthathas been building up inside, for some time, and whatever just occurred was her breaking point.Insteadofcriticizingordisregardingherfeelings,youshouldacknowledgethem.Sitdownandtalkwithhersothattogether,youtwocanresolvetheunderlyingissue.Ifyoudon’t,theissuewillnotgoaway…itwillonlygetworse.
JustBecauseSheSmiles
“Justbecauseshesmiles,doesn’tmeanshe’shappy.Tounderstandhowshereallyfeels,youhavetolethertalkandyouhavetobewillingtolisten.”
TimeVs.QualityTime
Whenshesays“spendtime”withher,sheisactuallysayingshewantsyoutospend“qualitytime”withher.Shedoesn’talwayssay“quality”becauseshefiguresthatshouldgowithoutsaying.
Spendingtimemeansmoretoherthansimplyyoutwobeinginthesamehouseorroomatthesametime;itmeansengagingheronaphysical,mental,andemotionalplaneaswell.Sometimes,wethinkjustbecausewesharethesamephysicalspace,weare“spendingtime”wheninfact,ifyouareinthesameroomwithherandnotengagingheronsomelevel,you’rewastingtime.
TrueValueOfLove
“Truevalueisfoundintheloveofagoodwoman,notmaterialthings.Themostvaluablethingthatyou,asaman,couldeverhaveisnotyourwatch,caroryourhouse,it’stherealloveofthegoodwomansittingthererightnexttoyou.Theonewhowouldstillloveyouandbeonyourside,evenif
youlostallthosematerialthingstomorrow.”
Agoodwoman’sloveisalwaysloyal.Whenwasthelasttimemoneywasloyaltoyou?
WhenSheSays,“I’mOkay”
Whenshesays,“I’mokay”itdoesn’tnecessarilymeanthatshe’sokay.Youhavetoreallygettoknowhertounderstandherandknowthedifference.
Youhavetolearntospeakherlanguage.Youhavetolearntosometimesbypassherwordsandfeel
thevibeshe’sgivingyou.Thatiswhatwilltellyouwhetherornotthingsaretruly“okay”ornot.Iftheyare,great;butifthey’renot,talktoher.Don’tlettoomuchtimepasswithoutfindingoutwhat’sonhermind.Ifyoudo,thingsmayjustgetworse.
She’sNotStupid
“She’snotstupid!Don’ttrytoplayherlikesheis.You’reinsultingherintelligence.Ifyou’renotcareful,you’llonedayfindyourselfontheoutsidewishingyoucouldgetbackin.”
IfYouAreCheating…SheKnows
“Ifyou’recheatingandyouthinkshedoesn’tknow…sheknows.Shemaynothaveenoughevidencetoproveitrightnow,butdeepdowninside,sheknows;Herintuitionisfoolproof.It’sonlyamatterof
timenow.”
CHAPTER
Nineteen
SHEHASHER
LIMITS
“Agoodwoman’sloveispowerful.Someofyouhaveagoodwomanandwillneverexperiencethetruepowerofherlovebecauseyourinconsistenciespreventherfrombeingabletofullyloveyoutheway
shewantsto.”
She’sWillingToFightForYou
“Agoodwomaniswillingtofightlongandhardforthemanshelovesandbelievesin;butjustbecauseshe’swillingtofightforyou,doesn’tmeanshewon’tleaveyou,ifyoutakeherloyaltyfor
granted.”
WhenYouChange
“Whenagoodwomanleaves,it’susuallynotbecauseofanotherman;butratherbecauseyou’vechangedandthemanyou’vebecome,isnolongerthesameastheoneshefellinlovewith.”
InconsistentLove
“Ifyourloveisn’tconsistent,Shewillperceiveittobenon-existent.”
SheWouldRatherLetGo
“Shewouldratherletgoofyoualtogetherthantotryandholdontobitsandpiecesofarelationshipthatyou’renolongercommittedto.”
SheCan’tTalkToYou
“Oneofthebiggestmistakesyoucouldmakeistocausethewomanyoulovetofeellikeshecan’ttalktoyou.”
Onceshefeels likeshecan’tcommunicatewithyou,shebecomesfrustrated.Thatfrustrationwillslowlyturnintoangerandresentment.Thelittlethingsthenbecomethebigthings.Beforeyouknowit,you’rearguingoversomethingthat,toyou,seemssmall;buttoher,it’snottheonething,it’sthecombinationofallthethingsshefeelslikeshecan’ttalktoyouabout.
My thoughts…take the time to, not only listen to her, but encourage her to talk to you abouteverything.Youdon’talwayshavetoagreewithher,butyoushouldalwaysbewillingtolistentoher.
Intheend,that’soneofyourresponsibilitiesasherman;ifshecan’ttalktoyou,thenwho?
YouCan’tBeMad
Youcan’tbemadatherforleavingwhenyouaretheonewhopushedheraway.Whatwasshesupposedtodo?Nomatterhowstrongsheis,there’sonlysomuchshecantakebeforeshefinallysays,
“Enough!”
Agoodwomandoesn’tleavethemanshelovesforanotherman;sheleavesbecausesheisunhappy,andshefeelsasifleavingistheonlyoptionshehasleft.
She’s tiredof trying to talk about thingswith amanwho refuses to listen.She’s tiredof beingignoredandtreatedlikeherfeelingsdon’tmatter.She’stiredoffeelingliketheonlytimeshecangetanyaffection,fromthemansheloves,isduringsex…she’stired.Allshewantsisforyoutoloveherandtreatherlikeshematters.
Ifyoureallyandtrulyloveher,don’tpushheraway.AllIaskisthatyouputyourprideaside,foramoment,andjustthinkaboutit.
HardForHerToWalkAway
“It’snevereasy.”
It’snevereasyforagoodwomantowalkaway;especiallyaftershe’sinvestedsomuchofherselfintomakingitwork.Justknow,thatbythetimeshefinallydecidestoleave,she’sgivenyoucountlesschancesanddebated the idea,overandover inherhead,at least1000times.She’sexhausted;she’sfrustratedandtotallyheartbrokentohavetowalkawayfromamanwho,deepdowninside,shestilllovesandisstillwillingtofightfor.
Oftenshewillleavethedoorslightlyopen,forashortperiod,inhopesthatyouwillcomearound,butifyouwaittoolong…she’llbegoneforever.
NOTES:
List5thingsthatyouthinkwerecontributingfactorstoyourpastrelationshipsnotworkingout.
1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
Now, take a step back and ask yourself what role, if any, your actions or inactions may haveplayedincausingtheaboverelationshiptofail.
Finally, write down how you are going to change those things so that your current or futurerelationshipshaveabetterchanceofsucceedingandtheydon’tendwiththesameresultsasyourpastrelationships.
CHAPTER
Twenty
WHATSHEWANTS…WHATSHENEEDS…
“Shewantstogiveintoyou;mind,body,andsoul.Allsheneedsfromyouistheassurancethatyouwon’tmakeherregretitintheend.”
HowCanYouBlameHer?
“She’sbeenliedto,cheatedonandhadherheartbrokenbyamanshe’dgivenyearsofherlifeto.Hesteppedonherlove,violatedhertrustanddisrespectedher.Afterallthat,whocanblameherfor
questioningtheintentionsofamanshejustmet?”
Toooften,weasmencomplainabouthowwomenbringtheresultsofapastbrokenheartintotheirnewrelationships.Myquestionis,whocanblameher?
Ibelieve,asawhole,toomanyofuslookattheproblemfromthewrongperspective.Wespendallour timecomplainingabout the resultsand ignore the fact thatouractions,asmen,are largelyresponsibleforcreatingtheresultsinthefirstplace.Remember,it’scausefirstandtheneffect,nottheotherwayaround.Ifwewantwomentochangethenwehavetogivethemabetterpastexperiencetopullfrom;wehavetostopactinglikenoneofthisisourfault,acceptresponsibilityforitandchangeit.
She’sLookingForYourPatienceAndUnderstanding
“Shedoesn’tblameyou.She’slookingforyoutochangeherwholeexperienceandgiveherareasontoloveonemoretime.”
She’sagoodwomanwhohashadherheartbrokenoverandoverbythemenshe’slovedinthepast.Shehasarighttobefrustratedandupset.Don’tminimizeherpain.Whenyoudo,shefeelsevenmorefrustratedthatyoudon’tunderstandall thatshe’sbeenthroughandhowshefeels.Remember,she’snotlookingforyoursympathy,she’slookingforyourpatienceandunderstanding.
SheNeedsAManWhoIsNotAfraid
Sheneedsamanwhoisnotafraidtogivehimselfcompletelytoherwithoutfearofconsequenceandwithoutpause.
Amannotafraidtoallowhimselftobecomeemotionallyvulnerableinordertomakethatdeepconnectionshesoneeds.
Aloveconnectionsodeepthatitsitsattheveryfootstepsofhersoul.Now,I’mnottalkingaboutanordinarylove,I’mtalkingaboutthatnextleveltypeoflove;
Thattypeoflovethatonlyfairytalebooksspeakof.That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.
MoreThanJustHerMan
Sheneedsyoutobemorethanjustherman.Sheneedsyoutobeherbestfriendandherconfidant;foryoutobehervoiceofreason,whensheneedsadvice,
andhersoundboardwhensheneedstovent.Attheendoftheday,sheneedsyoutobetheoneperson
who,nomatterhowterriblethestorm,shecanalwayscountontoprotectherfromtherain.
Sheneedsallofthistobeconsistent,somethingshecancountontoneverchange.That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.
DefendHerHonor
“Awomanwantsamanthatsheknowswillstepuptodefendherhonor,regardlessoftheconsequences,whethershe’sthereornottodefendherself.”
SheNeedsAStrongMan
“Astrongwomandoesn’tneedamantotakecareofher.Whatsheneedsisamansecureenoughtounderstandthatandnotbeintimidatedbyit.”
ValueHerOpinion
“Shewantsamanwhorespectsandvaluesheropinion;amanshefeelscomfortableenoughtobeabletodisagreewithwithoutthefearofitalwaysturningintoafull-blownargument.”
TalkAboutAnythingAndEverything
“Shewantsamanshecantalktoaboutanythingandeverythingbecauseshefeelsjustthatcomfortablewithhim.”
SheWantsYourAttention
“Shewantstheattentionfromyou,herman,notastranger;asimplecomplimentfromyou,attherighttime,couldchangeherwholeday.”
Sheknowswhenitcomesfromyou,it’soutoflove;butwhenitcomesfromastranger,it’smoreoftenthannot,outoflust.
Withthatinmind,takeeveryopportunitytoputasmileonthefaceofthewomanyoulove.Afterall,whatgreaterfeelingistherethantoknowthatsheishappyandsmiling,andyou’rethereasonforit.
She’dRatherHearYourVoice
“Shewouldmuchratherhearyourvoicethanreadyourtext.”
It’snot thewordsyouspeak,but theemotionsyouconveythroughyourspeed, tone,andstyle thatgiveherinsightintoyoursincerity.
Inhermind,thewords“Iloveyou”or“Imissyou”maylookgoodinatext,butwhenshehearsyousaythemandyouractionssupportit…itsimplyfeelsgood.
BeDifferentThanHerEx
Don’ttrytobe“better”thanherex,be“different”fromherex.She’stiredofthesameoldthing.She’sreadyforyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.
Thecompetitionisover:youwon.Ifshewantedmoreofwhathehadtooffer,shewouldhavegonebacktohim,butinstead,shechoseyou.Don‘tgivehermoreofthesamething.Createawholenewlaneandshowhersomethingdifferent.
NoticeTheSmallThings
“Whenyoudon’ttakethetimetonoticethelittlethings,suchashernewhairstyle,orhernewnailcolororoutfit,shenotonlynotices,butshemakesamentalnoteofthefactthatyoudidn’tnoticeas
well.”
Payattentiontothelittlethingsthatshedoesanddon‘tbeafraidtocomplimenther.Youmaythinkthatshewon‘tnoticeorthatitdoesn’tmatterbutitdoes.Shecaresaboutyouropinion.Plus,shedoesthesethings,notonlyforherself,butattimes,foryouaswell.
Ateverychance,letherknowhowbeautifulsheisandthatyoutrulyappreciateher.
ChallengeHer
“Challengehertobethebestshecanbe.Sometimes,justknowingyousupportherisalltheextrapushsheneeds.”
You,beinghermanandoneofthemostimportantpeopleinherliferightnow,yoursupportmeansalottoher.Shelookstoyoutochallengeherandsupporthereverystepoftheway.Ifshecan’tcountonyou,thenwho?Youhavetounderstandthatshemaygetfrustratedattimesandsaythatshedoesn’tneedyourhelp.Shemayalsotellyouthatshecandoitallonherown,andthatmaybetruetoo,butattheendoftheday,you’rehermanandbecauseshehasyou…sheshouldn‘thaveto.
KeepHerClose
“Payattentiontoher.Talktoher.Listentoher.Loveher.Respecther.Keephersoclosethatyouleavenoroomforhertodoubt.”
Doubt comes from there being distance between the two of you; whether that distance is in aphysical,mentaloremotional form, the resultcanbeverystressfulonyour relationship.Themanthatunderstandsthiswilldoeverythinginhispowertokeepherclose,leavinghernoroomtodoubthisloveforherandhisuncompromisingloyaltyandcommitmenttoherandtherelationship.
LoveIsNotAbout“Cuffing”ForASeason
Realloveisnotabout“cuffing”herforaseason.It’saboutsettingherheartfreetoloveandtrustyouwithoutthefearofconsequencesforalifetime.
Toremoveherfears,youhavetomakeherfeelsecureintherelationship.Tomakeitlastalifetime,youhavetobewillingtocommittoher.That’sthetypeofloveagoodmangives…that’sthetypeofloveagoodwomanneeds.
MakeItBelievable
“Simplytellingheryouloveherisnotenough,youhavetoconsistentlyshowheraswell.It’sthecombinationofthetwothatmakesitbelievable.”
Whenyouonlysaythatyouloveher,shestillhasquestionsbecauseshehearsit,butsheneverseesit.Whenyouonlyshowherthatyouloveher,shestillhasquestionsbecausesheseesit,butsheneverhearsit.However,whenyoutellherthatyouloveher,andyoushowheraswell,shenotonlyseesitandhearsit,butshenowfeelsit.Andthefeelingofbeingtrulyloved,iswhatmakesitbelievable.
TakeHerBreathAway
That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.Yousee,sheneedsamanthatcantakeherbreathaway
andmakeithardforhertobreathe.Sheneedsamanthatmakesherfeelsoweak
thatshedropsdowntoherknees;butnotforthereasonyouthink.
Yousee,eventhewrongmancancatchhereye,butonlytherightmancancaptureherimagination
andstimulatehermind.Sowhenshedropsdowntoherknees,it’stothankGod
forhishand,inputtingherintherightplace,attherighttime,
tomeettherightman.That’sallsheeverwanted….that’sallsheeverneeded.
WhatAreHerDreams
Whatareherdreamsandambitions?
Haveyouaskedher?Ifnot,why?
That’sabigpartofbeingherman.Howcanyousupportwhatyoudon’tknow?
PartIII
ForBothOfYou
CHAPTER
Twenty-One
MAKINGITWORK
“Whentheloveisreal,youwon’thavetofindtimeforeachother…you’llmaketime.”
PartOfTheSolution
“It’shardforeitherofyoutohelpfindasolutionwhenyoubothrefusetorecognizethatyouractionsorinactionsmaybeapartoftheproblem.”
It’saloteasierforyoutoblameeachother,foralloftheproblemsintherelationship,thantoacceptthefactthatyouractionsorinactionsmayhavecausedatleastsomeoftheproblemsinthefirstplace.Thisgoesbothways.Inorderforyoutobeable tofindviablesolutions toanyproblem,youbothhavetobewillingtoacceptthefactthatyou,yourself,maybeapartoftheproblemtobeginwith.Ifyoubothtakethisapproachandarehonestwithyourselvesandeachother,yourdiscussions,whichpreviouslywouldhave turnedintoarguments,shouldbecomemoreproductive.That’sbecauseyouwillhaveshiftedfroma“blame”basedwayofthinkingtoamore“solution”basedwayofthinking.
Remember,thegoalofthediscussionisnotforeitherpersontowin.Thegoalistofindasolutionthatworksforbothofyouandallowsyourrelationshiptomoveforwardinapositivedirection.
ArgumentsDon’tSolveAnything
“Argumentsdon’tsolveanything.Thelouderyouget,thelesstheotherpersonlistens;intheend,youmaythinkyouhavewon…butatwhatcost?”
Don’triskyourhappinessoversomethingthatmeansnothingmoretoyouthanapersonalstroketoyourego.Remember,youtwoareonthesameteam.Thatmeansifoneofyoulose,youbothlose.Youcanminimizeyourargumentsbynotplayingthe“blamegame.”Ifthere’saproblem,lookforasolutionthatisinthebestinterestoftherelationship.
Don’tMakeRulesThatYouWon’tFollow
“Stopmakingrules,inyourrelationship,thatyouexpectthemtofollow,butyouareunwillingtofollowyourself.”
If therearegoing tobe rules, then the rulesshouldbeagreeduponandequallyapplied. Ifoneormorerulesaregoing tobeapplieddifferently, thenbothofyoushouldagree to it (not justoneofyou).Noonepersoninarelationshipshouldhaveprivilegeovertheother;it’sapartnership,notadictatorship. Iknowtheysay that life isn’talwaysfair,but inmyopinion,your relationshipshouldalwaystrytobe.
Don’tBecomeAStranger
“Whenwasthelasttimeyoutwojustsatdownandtalked?Don’tlettheoneyoulovebecomeastranger…maketimeforeachothertoday.”
Often timeswebecomesowrappedup inourday-to-dayactivities thatweforget to justsitdownandtalktotheoneswelove.Therearesomepeopleoutthere,rightnow,whoareatthepointwheretheywalkinandoutofroomswithoutspeakingtoeachother;theypasseachotherinthehallwayasiftheotherpersondoesn’tevenexist,andtheysleepinthesamebedphysically,butemotionally,they’reseparated.
Don’teverletthisbecomeyou.Alwaysmaketimeforeachother.
TheMagicIsInYourPresence
“Taketimetomaketimeforeachother.”
Theysaythatabsencemakestheheartgrowfonder,butIbelievethatabsencemakestwoheartsgrowapart.Remember howyou fell in love; itwasn’t all the time you spent away from each other thatcausedyoutofeelthewayyoudo,butratherthosepowerfulmomentsthatyouspenttogether.
When it comes to love, the magic is found in the presence, not the absence. Too much of anabsenceandthemagicbeginstofadeaway.
HealthyRelationship
“Healthy,strongrelationshipsarebaseduponbuildingup,nottearingdown.”
Forarelationshiptosurvive,bothofyouneedtofeellikeyouhaveanequalsayinmattersandthatyouropinioncounts.Foroneofyoutoteartheotherdownwithverbalabuse,physicalabuseorothermethods of intimidation, serves no other purpose but to weaken the unit as a whole. This willultimatelydestroyyourrelationship.
Insteadoftearingeachotherdown,focusonwaystobuildeachotherup;supportandencourageeach other through bothwords and actions. The goal should be to grow stronger every day as acouple.Activelytaketimetofocusonthis.Actasifyouwerebeingwatchedeverydayandthatyouwouldreceiveagradeonyourperformanceattheendofeachday.It’safactthatwhenyoufocusoncertainthings,youperformbetteratthosethingsthanwhenyoudon’tfocusonthem.Iknowitsoundslikealotofwork,buttrustme,onceyou’vechangedyourwayofthinking,anditbecomesahabit,itwill get easier. In the end, your relationshipwill continue to growwithout limits! So today…let’sfocus!
NothingComesBetweenYou
“Aslongasyoulovehimandhelovesyouandyoubotharefullycommittedtomakingitwork,nothingornoonecanevercomebetweenyou.”
That’sthetruepowerofmutualloveandcommitment.Itcreatesanimpenetrablecircleoflovethatcan’tbebrokenfromtheoutside…onlyfromtheinside.
TalkingAboutAnything
“Ifyoutwocantalktoeachotheropenlyandhonestlyaboutanythingandeverything,youtwocangetthroughanythingandeverything.”
StrengthOfYourRelationship
“Whenthingsgethard,don’tjustgiveupwithouttrying;it’sthosehardtimesthatoftenhelpdefinethetruestrengthoftherelationship.”
CHAPTER
Twenty-Two
LOVE
“Makehersmile.Makeherlaugh.Makeherfeelsobeautifulthatallshewants
todoisholdyouinherarmsanddanceallnight.”
WhatDoesLoveMeanToYou
Loveisprobablyoneofthemostpowerfulandmisusedwordinourvocabulary.Ifyouask100differentpeoplewhatlovemeanstothem,youwouldprobablyget100differentanswers.Here’smytake:loveistheindescribablewaysomeonemakesyoufeelinside.It’safeelingthegripsyouattheverycoreofyoursoul;onethatmakesyoufeellikenothingelse.Forawoman,it’scomforting,
reassuringandprovidesherwithasenseofpeaceandsecurity.Foraman,itstrengthensourresolve,givesusasenseofpurpose,andtheconfidencetobelievewecanaccomplishanything.
IF I were one of 100 asked, that would be my answer. Different people equate love with manydifferentthings.Someequateitwithmoneywhileothersmayequateittosomethingelse.I’mnothereto saywhich is right orwrong nor am I here trying to judge anyone.All I ask is that you take amomentandaskyourselfwhatlovemeanstoyou.Onceyouhaveyouranswer,you’llknowexactlywhatkindofloveyou’dbewillingtoacceptfromsomeoneelse.
AGoodWoman’sTrueLove
“Whenawomantrulylovesaman,theonlypersonwhocanmessthatupisthatmanhimself.”
A woman’s true love for man is foolproof; she’ll be with her man, side-by-side with her manthroughanythingandeverything.Ifthateverchanges,it’smostoftenbasedonsomethinghedidordidnotdobecausenooneelsehasthatpower;notherfriends,notherfamily…noone.Noonehasthepowertochangeawoman’strueloveforhermanexceptthemanshetrulyloves.
GiveHer100%OrNothingAtAll
“Ifyouaregoingtoloveher,giveher100%ornothingatall.Anythinglessandyouare,notonly
cheatingher,butyouarecheatingyourselfaswell.”
SheStillBelieves
“Ifshedecidestogiveyouasecondchance,it’susuallynotbecauseyoudeserveit;butratherbecauseshestillbelievesinyouandtheideathatlove,ifgiventhechance,willsomehowprevailintheend.”
DearLove
“Dearlove,youarehergreatestaddiction,oneforwhichshedesiresnocure.Andshewillneverneedrehab
aslongasyoukeepit100%pure.”
Awoman’sgreatestaddictionisnothershoes,handbags,orshopping,butratherit’sthefeelingshegetswhensheknowsshe’strulyloved;thatis…hergreatestaddictionofall.
OldWayToLove
Withallthenewandimprovedwaystodothingsintheworldtoday,shestillprefersyourlovetheold-fashionedway.Shedoesn’tmindreadingyourtexts,butshewouldmuchratherhearyourvoice.It’sokaytoFaceTime,butshewouldmuchratherspendqualitytimewithyou.Tobehonest,shewantsyoutobesoupcloseandpersonalwithherthatyouleavenoroomforanythingtocomebetweenthetwo
ofyou…noteventechnology.
LettingGoOfEverything
“Youhavetobewillingtoletgoofeverythingtobeabletoholdeachotherforever.”
HoldingHands
Callitbeingold-fashioned,butshestilllovesitwhenyouholdherhand.There’sjustsomethingaboutthatphysicalconnectionthatreallydoesitforher.Somehow,itallowsyoutospeaktoherspiritand
sayinafirm,yetgentlevoice,“Relax,youdon’thavetoworryaboutanything…Igotyou.”
HandWrittenLoveLetters
“Handwrittenloveletters;therarejewelofthepastthatsomehowwasabletoconveyemotionsthattoday’stextmessagecannot.”
There’sjustsomethingaboutbeingabletopouryourfeelingsoutinahand-writtenletterthataddssomethingmore to it than simply typing it out in a textmessage.Maybe, it’s the time spent;whoknows.AllIknowisthatreadingaletter,thatwaswrittenbytheoneyoulove,justfeelsdifferent.Youshouldtryit.Youneverknow,youmightjustdiscoversomethingincredibleabouteachother.
GrandparentsStyleOfLove
Thinkaboutitforasecond…theydidn’thaveanyemail,cellphones,textmessages,Twitter,Facebook,orInstagramandtheymadeitwork.Notbecauseitwaseasier,butbecause,backthen,theyhadtospendqualitytimewitheachotherbecausetherewasnootherwaytomakeitwork.Maybethat’sa
lessonfromthepastthatwecanalllearnfrom.Taketimetospendtime…itworks.
AppreciateHer
“Appreciatethebeautifulwomansheisandneverletherfallasleepwithoutknowingthatsheistrulylovedandadoredbyyou.”
TheJourneyOfLove
“Loveislessaboutthedestinationandmoreaboutthebeautyofthejourney…makeitunforgettable.”
CHAPTER
Twenty-Three
PASSIONAND
ROMANCE
“Goodcompany,goodconversation,anicelydimlitroom,softmusicandaglassofsomethingsmoothisallsheneedsrightnow.”
SomethingDifferent1
Shewantsyoutoburncandlesthatarescented;Shewantsrosepetalsatherfeetasshewalksdownthe
hallwayofpassiontoecstasy…Shewantsyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.
Shewantstohearadifferentsongwithalittlemorebeattoit.
Shewantsyouto,notonlykissit,buttospeaktoit…
Shewantsyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.Shewantsyoutomakelove,
notonlytoherbody,buthermindtoo.Shewantstofeeltheanticipation
beforeyouslidethrough.Shewantsyoutochangeeverything
she’severbeenusedto…Shewantsyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.
SomethingDifferent2
That’swhatshewants…that’swhatsheneeds.Yousee,shewantsyoutowalkintothatbedroom
wearingallblackeverything.Whileshestandsthereinthemiddleoftheroom
wearingthatsexyblackdressandthosesexyblackheels,
shewantsyoutograbheraroundthewaist,pinherbackagainstthewallandletherknow
it’sabouttogetreal.Yousee,passionspeakslouderthanwordsandallthatnonsenseshe’salreadyheard…
She’sreadyforyoutoshowhersomethingdifferent.
WatchYouSleep
Hejustwantstowatchyousleep.Asyouliethereinthebednexttohim
withyoureyesclosedandyourbeautifulbodystillholdingthescentfromthebathfullofroses…
Hejustwantstowatchyousleep.Foryoutolayyourheadonhischestandletthewarmthofyourbreathbreathefireintohissoul.
Idon’tthinkyou’lleverknowjusthowgooditfeelsforhimtosimplyjustbethere…
towatchyousleep.
RealLoveAndRealPassion
Sheneedsrealloveandrealpassion.Thattypeofloveandpassion
thatgoesbeyondthefathomsofwhathermindandbodycanevenimagine…
That’swhatsheneeds.Yousee,
sheneedstofeelthesensationofastrongman’sinternalheat,
forittoburndeepdownintohersoulinaplacewhereonlyheavenandearthmeet…
That’swhatsheneeds.Sheneedsaboldmanwithafireforpassion,
onethatbelievesintakingcontrolanddon’tbelieveinasking…
That’swhatsheneeds.
NotIntimidatedByHerSexuality
Sheneedsamanthat’snotintimidatedbyhersexuality.
Amanthat’snotafraidtoexploreherfantasiesandmakethemherreality.
Yousee,agrownwomanhasherownvisionsandaninsecuremancanmakeherfeellikeshe’s
lockedinaprison.Butasecureman,he’llsethermindandbodyfree;freetobeanythingshewantstobewithoutfearofbeingjudged.
Freetobeawomaninthedayandafreakinthedark,allinthenameoflove…That’swhatsheneeds.
WalkWithHer
Takeawalkwithher.Findanintimateplacewheretheambiance
issobeautifulthatitcanneverbeerasedfromhermind,body,orhersoul;
Takeawalkwithherandjusttalk.Thepowerofyouwalkingandholdingherhand,nexttoarestlessoceanasitcrashesdown
anderasesthefootstepsinthesandisunforgettable;Justwalkwithher.
You’lllearnmoreaboutherduringthatwalkthanyoucouldhaveeverlearnedduringathousand
moviesorathousandmeals.You’lllearnaboutherdreams,herpassions,andher
painsthatshemayormaynotconceal;Justwalkwithher.
WhenTheDayIsFinallyOver
Whenthedayisfinallyover,shewantsyoutomaketimetochange
herviewoftheworld.Shewantsyoutodimthelights,playherfavoritesong
andsittheretalkingandlaughingaboutwhateverisgoingoninherlife.
Shewantstofinallyfallasleepinyourarms.Shewantsyoutograbthewineglassfromherhand,
thenstandandgentlypickherupandcarryherofftoafarawayland,
wherethebedsaremadeofgoldandthefloorsaremadeofsand.
Yousee,it’snotthathardtounderstand,thatattheendoftheday,allshewantsistospendthatquality
timewithyou,herman.
“Takehersomewhereshe’sneverbeen;Showhersomethingshe’sneverseen,andmakeherfeellikeshe’sneverfelt.”
-Mr.AmariSoul
PartIV
MyPrivateCollection
CHAPTER
Twenty-Four
PERSONALTHOUGHTS
YouDeserveBetterThanMe
WhenIlookatyou,IstillseeallthepainIputyouthrough.
Themake-uponyoureyescan’thidethepainyoufeelinside…Iknow.
IfIcouldchangethepastIwould.I’dtakeitallbackifIcould…
Youdeservesomuchbetterthanme.
AllyourfriendswouldsayIwaswrongforleadingyouonlikeIwasreadytocommit,
whileknowingdeepdowninside,Iwasstillonthatnonsense.
Iwasayoungmanplayingayoungboy’sgame,suchaselfishthing…
Youdeservesomuchbetterthanme.
IfIwereyouIwouldbepackingallmythingsandleavingtheminthemiddleofthestreet.
Iwouldhavedoneitinaheartbeatbecauseyoudeservesomuchbetterthanme.
HowIwouldjustifyinmymind,stayingoutallnight.
Iwouldtellmyself“I’mtheman”andthatwassupposedtomakeitright.
Asyouwaitedfaithfullyformetocomehome,Iwasinherbeddoingwrong…
Youdeservesomuchbetterthanme.
Sotoday,Iapologizeforallthosesleeplessnights.
IguessIcan’tgetmadwhenIsee,youandhiminthestreetsbecauseyoufinallyfoundbetterthanme.
SheKnowsAndNowIKnow
Sheknowswhatit’sliketobecheatedon;tofeelthatpaininherchestthatmakesit
hardforhertobreathe.Sheknowswhatit’sliketogetthatknotinherstomach
thatmakesithardforhertoeat…sheknows.Sheknowswhatit’sliketocryherselftosleep;
Sheknowswhatit’sliketowanttolockherselfinherbedroomforweeks…sheknows.
Andafterallthoseyearsofbeinglessthanamanitpainsmetothink,
thatsomewhereinmypastsheexistedandshefeltthiswaybecauseofme.
BoundByTheLimits
Dearlove,I’vebeenboundbythelimitsofaman’smind.
Shackledbythechauvinisticidealsoftheman’stime.Andnow…Isearchpassionatelyforabetterplace;
aplacefarbeyondthepastthatcannotbeforgottenorerased.SoIaskofyou…
DearLove,ifbychanceyoupossessedthekey,Iwouldbeyourslaveforever,ifyouwouldjustsetmefree.
MyFears
Asaman,Iusedtosometimesdothingsthatseemedcounterproductivetomy
relationship’sgrowth.Iwouldpullaway;IcreatedproblemswheretherewerenoneandIwouldargueoversmallthingsthatreallymeantnothingtome.
IguessyoucouldsaythatyouandIweresomewhatthesame.Intheend,thecloserwegot,
themoreafraidwebecame.IneverunderstooduntilIbegantoactuallylistento
you.That’swhenIrealized…Iwasjustasafraidofbeinghurtasyouwere.
WhoAmI
WhoamI?Iambutaknightinhisshiningarmor;
Young&Restlessthoughwithoutthedrama.Iamthatsparkwhichignitestheflames;
onethatcontinuouslyburnsevenwhenitrainsinsideyourmind,bodyandsoul,thoughIknow,that
evensmallfirescanlosecontrol.Aswegrow,keepinmindasourspiritscombine
andyourheartbeatsintunewithmine;I‘mjustameremaninthislandwho’strying
toleaveamemorableimpressioninthesandsoftime…WhoAmI?
ANewDayANewPrayer
IusedtoprayandaskGodtosendmeagoodwomanuntilIrealizedIwasdoingitallwrong…soIchangedit.NowwhenIpray,Idon’tsimplyaskthathesendmeagoodwoman,butIaskthatheblessmewithalltheinsight,patienceandunderstandingthatIwillneedtomakeagoodwomanwantto
stay.
AngelOfMine
Ihadadreamlastnight.Inmydream,Iwasapproachedbyawoman.
Icouldn’tseeherface,butshehadthemostbeautifulsetofwingsthatIhadeverseen.Hervoice…assoftandwarmasagentlesummerbreeze.
Ibecamelostinherpresence…Evenmoreso,Ibecameconsumedbyherveryessence.Thisiswhatshesaidtome,“TothemanIlove,I’dbewillingtogiveyouthewingsoffmybackifitwouldhelpyoutofly.AllIaskisthatyouloveme.”
TheUnwrittenLoveLetter
Tomylove,Youarethemostbeautifulbeing
thatIhaveeverseeninmyentirelife.Andnodreamwillevercomparetotherealitythatweshare
orthepassiononthismoonlitnight.Nowasforyou,followyourdreamswhenyouseeyourvisionisclear,
andworrynotaboutcompanionshipforIwillalwaysbenear.Iamyourfriend,indeed,onewhomyoucandependonwheninneed;I’llbeyourbreathwhenyou
cannotbreathe…I’llbeallyou’lleverneed.Throughthegoodtimesandthebad,throughthehappytimesandthesad,
thoughI’llsometimesmakeyoumad…I’llbethebestfriendyou’veeverhad.
Compliments
Notetoself…Mywomanisnotamindreader.
Shespendsanhourormoregettingreadybeforeweleave.Shepayscloseattentiontoeverydetail,fromthehighlightsinherhairtotheshadeshechoosesforhernailcolor.Iseeshe’swearingthatnewdress,andImustadmit,Ilovethewayitbringsoutthecolorinhereyes.Thoseshoes,Iknowthey’reherfavoritebythewayshestandsandsmilesinfrontofthefullbodymirrorrightbeforewewalkoutthedoor.Ialsoknowthatsheonlywearsthemifsheknowsshewon‘tbestandinglongbecausetheyhurtherfeet.Imustsaythough,Idolovethewaytheyaddseveralinchestoherheightandthewaytheyaccenthercalvemuscles.IknowIdon‘talwayssayit,butIthinkitallthetime.Sotoday,I‘msayingthisasafriendlyremindertomyself,aswellastoeveryoneelsewhofindsthemselvesforgettingthisimportantfact:ourwomenarenotmindreaders.Don‘tletonemoresecondpass
withoutlettingherknowjusthowbeautifulandamazingsheis.
MacOrMaybelline
It’snottheMacortheMaybellinethatIseeinmydreams,
butit’sthebeautifulfacethatliesbeneathit.It’snottheeyelinerortheblushthatmakesmefeellike
ayoungboywithacrush…it’syou.It’sthatbeautifulwomanfirstthinginthemorning
beforeyoudowhatyoudo…it’syou.Everydayyouwearthatmaskfortherestoftheworldtosee,
buteverymorningIfeelblessedbecauseyou’vesavedyournaturalbeautyjustforme.
SomethingYouAin’tUsedTo
Iwanttosneakupfrombehindyouandgrabyoubythewaistlineandslowlyguideyoubacktowardsme.Iwantyoutoleanyourheadbackandcloseyoureyesandbeopentowhatevercomestomind.Yousee,I’mnotafraidtocoloroutsidethelinesandchangeeverythingyou’veeverbeenusedto.YouwouldthinkI’dbetryingtobumpandgrind,likethoseotherguys,causethat’ssomethingthatyou’reusedto.YouwouldthinkthatI’dbetryingtorunmyhandsalongyourinnerthighs,causethat’s
somethingthatyou’reusedto.ButI’mnottryingtobumpandgrindnoramItryingtorunmyhandsalongyourinnerthighs,babyI’mjusttryingtogetinsideyourmindcausethat’ssomethingyouain’t
usedto.
IKnowYourSecret
Mostmen,ifyouaskthemwhatisthemostsensitivepartofawoman’sbody,they’llmostlikelyreply,“Herbreasts,herneck,herearormaybeevenherinnerthigh.”I’verealizedthatit’snotyourbreasts,yourneck,yourearoryourinnerthigh…it’syourmind.So,ifamanwantstoreallytakeyoutothatnextlevel,he’llneedtostarttherehoursbeforeheeventouchesyou.Toputitsimply,it’snotjust
aboutthephysical;it’saboutcreatinganemotionalexperiencethatshouldtakeyoutoaplacewherepassionsexplodelikefireworksinyourmindleavingyouphysicallyandemotionallyexhaustedfromthejourney.Somemayagreewhileothersmaynot,butonlythosewhohavebeentheretrulyknow.
Breathe
Iwanttoexhaleyourpast;SoIcaninhaleyourpresenceandbreathelifeintoourfuture.
TheMysteryOfYou
Iwanttoenjoythemysteryofnotknowingyou.Takeineveryexcitingopportunitytolearnyou.Then,
fallinlovewiththeanticipationofonedaytrulyunderstandingyou,sothatIcanbecometotallyobsessedwiththebeautyofdoingallthethingsthatmakeyousmile.
MyFavoriteStory
“It’snotthecoverofabookthatmakesitakeeper…it’sthestory.”
Ifyouwereabook,Iwoulddescribeyouasonewithamostbeautifulcover.Onethatwassosexyanduniquethatitstoodoutfromalltheothers.Now,thatmaybeenoughformetopickyouupandperuseyourpages
becauserelationshipsarelikeanopenbook,andtheintroisthefirstofseveralstages.
But,tobehonest,Ineedmorethanjustaprettycoverformetokeepyou.
Ineedtofallinlovewithyourstoryandyouhavetopromisetofitmeintoyoursequel.
Toallofyougoodmenwhoareactivelylookingtoimproveyourrelationshipandaretrulydedicatedtolearningandunderstandingeverythingthereistoknowaboutmeetingtheemotional
needsofthewomaninyourlife,Isaluteyou.
ISaluteYou
She’ssearchedforsolong,andithasn’tbeeneasy.She’sbeenletdown,liedtoandhadherheartbrokenalongtheway.Ifyouaskher,she’lltellyoushe’dalmostallbutgivenuponlove.Andthenoneday,youshowedup.Yougavetoherwhatshehadspentmanynightsprayingfor:Thefeelingofbeingloved,respected,challenged,supportedandtheemotionalsecuritythatcouldonlycomefromyourunwaveringcommitmenttoherandtherelationship.Andnow,notonlydoesshebelieveintrueloveagain,butshebelievesinyou.Thoughherjourneyhasbeenhard,I’dbewillingtobetthatshe’ddoitalloveragainifitwouldleadherbackintoyourarms.Myfriend,Isaluteyou,fromonemantoanother,forbeingtheexceptionandnottherule…forbeingagoodmantoagoodwomanand
changingherwholeperspectiveonlifeandlove.
Acknowledgments
IwanttotakethisopportunitytofirstthankGodforgivingmethestrengthandtheinsighttowritethisbook.
I’dliketothankmymotherforbeingmygreatestexampleofwhatagoodwomanis.Youalwayshave been and always will be my greatest inspiration. To my father, thank you for continuing toprovide me with invaluable knowledge and wisdom. I’ve never known another man like you.Everyonehasahero…youwillalwaysbemine.
Toallmyfamilyandfriendswhohadapartinhelpingmetocreatethisbook,thankyouforallyoursupportandyourencouragingwords.Icouldnothavedoneitwithoutyou.
Lastly, thank you to my extended social media family on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook andPinterest.EverydayIaminspiredbyyourstoriestocontinuewritinginhopesthattogether,wecanchangetheworld,oneheartatatime.Again,thankyouall.
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