Post on 04-Jun-2018
8/14/2019 LadybirdCustoms-Officer.pdf
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8/14/2019 LadybirdCustoms-Officer.pdf
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The Customs Officer.
The Customs Department was
formed many hundreds of years
ago to collect duties and taxes andstop smugglers bringing illegal
goods into the country. Officers
spent their time riding around the
coast looking for Rigid Inflatable
Boats that were used to bring in
brandy and lbanians from !rance.
"ee how this officer is using an ear
horn to listen out for the high
powered engines.
Today their #ob is not so dangerous
as they ne$er go near the coast%
#ust in case they accidentally speak
to yachtsmen and upset them.
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&hen you come back from holiday
you would expect to see a
Customs Officer. This is what they
look like.
'ach officer is carefully measured
up by a reputable tailor and their
si(es sent to a place called "tores
Branch. s you can see their
)made to measure* uniform was
selected from a large stock of
single si(es and gi$en to the
officer. The long #acket was
designed to hide the fact that the
crotch on the rough serge trousers
actually hung down close to his
knees.
Doesn*t he look smart+
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Customs Officer is naturally
nosey and will pay more than a
passing interest in your baggage.Dirty laundry is of particular
interest as smugglers will often
hide things in places where they
don*t think officers want to look.
"ometimes an officer gets o$er
excited by what he finds and will
keep things% saying ,This is sei(ed
as forfeit to the Crown-. o/one
knows what it means butsmugglers elect to pay a fine or
offer up their daughters to make
sure they don*t go to court. This is
called ,The O*s Option-
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good officer will get something
called a ,Re$enue ose- to help
him spot a smuggler. 'ach officer
is issued with a list of cunning0uestions to stop a smuggler in
his tracks.
This officer asked the man if he
was tra$elling on business and did
he ha$e the time. Cle$er wasn*t
he.
1nfortunately this man had stuffed
drugs up his bottom and he got
away with them.
The officer is happy as he will put
each watch in as a separate
sei(ure to get more sei(ure
rewards.
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Customs Officers are trained to deal
with awkward passengers. This is
called confrontation. 2a$e you e$ertold someone that they ha$e been
caught in possession of an ugly wife
and seen their reaction.
This officer uses the suitcases to
keep a safe distance and out of
harms way.
This work is $ery stressful and
officers are allowed to consume
alcohol to help them deal with difficult
situations. This drink is called a
waxer and is freely a$ailable in most
Customs offices throughout the
country.
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"ome older officers ha$e found that
anti/free(e in a car radiator gi$es
you the same sensation that awaxer does. They ha$e a cle$er
way of disguising this by pretending
to take a car to pieces to look for
illegal immigrants.
"ee how the plain clothes officer
from the In$estigation Branch is
hiding their acti$ities behind his
coat% hoping to get something to
drink.
2a$e you e$er got so intoxicated
that you drink anything that*s free3
These officers do so 0uite regularly
but manage to hide it $ery well.
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Dogs are a big problem for officers
to deal with as they often make no
comment to any 0uestioning. Thisofficer is using a cle$er disguise by
putting a dead ferret under his nose
to fool the dog into talking.
If no answers are obtained then the
dogs go to the 4ueens &arehouse
where they are forced to smoke all
of the sei(ed cigarettes. These
dogs are called Beagles.
&hen the 4& officer empties the
warehouse he sends e$erything to
the furnace. This is where the
saying )dog end* originates from.
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"ometimes when a sei(ure is
made something happens called
condemnation. This is when a
smuggler appeals against the
sei(ure. &hen this occurs officers
ha$e to get together to get their
stories straight and to make up
their notebooks.
"ee how these officers 0uietly write
down things that the senior officer
is telling them. This is called
dictation. "enior officers are
always right because they ha$e
more gold rings on their slee$es.
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Officers are trained to be able to
climb and #ump. "ometimes they
ha$e to lea$e $essels after they
ha$e sailed. This officer has spent
too much time talking to the
captain and still needed to open
the bond for the crew. special
boat is sent out to collect him and
his case% which often contains
spirits that the officer found
abandoned in the bond.
"ometimes this is 0uite dangerous
work and he is trained to use one
hand for himself and the other for
the 4ueen. "ee how hard he is
gripping.
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Officers en#oy searching people
for illegal goods. This can be
upsetting for people and
particularly amusing for the officer.
This man was caught with a
stocking hidden in his underpants.
This is a shocking find as it is a
ladies stocking and there is no
sign of her.
This officer likes stockings and
also en#oys the company of men.
"ee how he*s looking at thesmuggler% wondering if the wig is
really an endangered species.
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There is little e0uipment issued to
an officer to help him carry out his
duties. "ometimes% on oil tankers%
officers are re0uired to enter roomswhere there are no lights.
This officer is using his experience
to make sure that there are no
dangerous gases present that
could suffocate him if he breathed
them in.
In recent years 2ealth and "afety
has re0uired that e0uipment is
issued to help officers carry more
weight.
This is known as a Rummage
Case.
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fter a $ery nasty and unexplained
fire on a ship% officers were issued
with a torch that was safe to use
on tankers. 'xperienced officers
realised that they often didn*t work
and therefore ac0uired Bright "tar
torches. These were often #ust left
lying around on ships% togetherwith tools such as screwdri$ers% as
gifts for Rummage crews.
1nfortunately Bright "tar torches
ha$e $ery narrow beams and thesetwo officers missed the rum on the
box. e$er mind% there is plenty
more in the bond
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"mugglers will go to great lengths
to hide goods. "maller officers%
known as &elshmen% are able to
get into $ery confined spaces to
find the contraband. The &elsh
officer is under the bollards%
passing out the hidden goods to his
taller 'nglish colleague. This is $erydangerous work and shouldn*t be
undertaken by anyone sensible.
2a$e you e$er been stuck in a
small place. This &elsh officer wasand he*s still there today.
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These officers are looking for a
&elshman lost on the pre$ious
$oyage. "ometimes they do notwant to be found and stay $ery
0uiet and still.
This is particularly annoying to the
Rummage Crew as the pubs are
open and it isn*t a Bank 2oliday or
"unday.
2as a &elshman e$er upset you3
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It isn*t all hard work. Customs
officers also ha$e access to fast
boats that cruise up and down the
ri$ers and enable them to stop
ships at sea.
These boats can go anywhere they
like and all the officers ha$e to do
is shout ,4ueens business- to
make other boats get out of their
way.
These boats ha$e bars on board
and are used extensi$ely.
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Bigger boats are called Cutters and
can be found swanning around the
inshore waters at high speed. These
boats carry highly trained crew who
cook excellent curries and chicken
drumsticks.
These men are often seen hiring
cars to take them to the next port to
carry out an inward ferry mo$ement.
"mugglers do not expect this and
neither do the local staff.
This is called 5obile work and is
$ery effecti$e at stopping smuggling
by boats pulled on trailers.
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Coast 6re$enti$e 5en are on the
look out for smugglers who come
ashore during the daylight hours%
but not between midday and 7
o*clock. This is called the lunch
hour.
These men are the eyes and ears
of the department and are highly
moti$ated. This officer is checking
for illegal immigrants on Brighton*s
naturist beach who might be
coming ashore disguised as nakedwomen.
8ook at the high performance car
used to chase smugglers. This car
was designed for a &elshmen.
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t airports officer sometimes run
out of time and get stuck on aircraft
that ha$e to lea$e and go to foreign
countries. This is $ery incon$enient
as they are away for se$eral days
at a time.
Officer are used to this as it
happens a lot.
This officer is returning from Bra(il.
2e was stuck there for 7 weeks.
"ee how easily the bar box tucks
under his arm.
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&omen smuggle as well. 5ale
officers aren*t allowed to search
women so they ha$e to impro$ise."ee how this cle$er officer has
used a wig to make the passenger
think he*s a woman.
s you see he is also trained in
9apanese art of unarmed combat%
using two fingers.
&hat he later finds out is that the
woman is actually a docker who
had borrowed the bag from a fork
lift operator to get some lunch.
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Officers are re0uired to go
underco$er to check that pubs are
not selling smuggled spirits. 'achofficer is trained to identify the
difference between home produced
drink and that brought in from
abroad. This takes much practice
and training sessions regularly take
place in locker rooms.
9unior officers% called assistants% are
also taught to dri$e cars to take the
officers home at the end of a watch.
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"ome locker rooms are well
e0uipped to assist with the training
exercises. This one has a number
of pipes% disguised as central
heating% that are used to make
spirit. This is called a still.
The man at the back is called a
watcher and is there to watch the
trainees take the test.
This watcher has recently been
issued with a made to measure
uniform.
Isn*t he smart+