Inviting Family Partnerships

Working together to support children’s

development

Family Partnerships?• Working with parents for the good of

children• Developing the value of the center as

a resource for families• Fulfilling your mission of making a

lasting difference in the community

Why?• The center can’t do it alone: parents

are key• Children whose parents are engaged

in their development develop better• Parents don’t become engaged

automatically – building partnership is up to YOU

Who Is This “You”?• Everyone at the center is included• Everyone at the center is responsible• Everyone at the center sends a

message…

…the essential thing is what that message is!

What you do andhow you do it

make all the difference for parents and families

This Is What We’re About• What it takes to get parents engaged• Why inviting parents is part of what

you do• Tips for inviting parents• Creating your own invitational action

plan

How Do ParentsView Your Center Now?

• Do they see your center only as a convenience?

• Do they see themselves only as consumers?

• Do they see you as just an employee?• Do they see you as a critic?

How Do YOUView Your Center Now?

• Do you see your center as just day care?

• Do you believe you work only with children?

• Do you see parents only as moms and dads?

• Do you see yourself as the one who knows best?

To engage parents as partners in children’s

development, we must change their ideas…

and maybe change our own

What Are You Thinking?

Making Engagement Possible

• Families come to us with some beliefs about themselves, their children… and about us

• Understanding these beliefs helps us help families

• Understanding these beliefs help us understand ourselves too

Role-Based Ideas That Affect Engagement

• No childcare should be “just day care”

• Parent and staff roles overlap• Partnership requires valuing and

respect• Success of a whole family success

of a child

But… there are also personal ideas that get in

the way…

Personal Ideas That Affect Engagement

• Trait or Mastery orientation• Fear or Hope motivation• Good and bad Possible Selves

Trait or Mastery Orientation?• Trait orientation: – “I’ve always been this way”– “This is how I am”

• Mastery orientation:– “This has been my experience”– “I suppose I could change”

For example…Trait OrientationI’m not good at thatI can’t do thatI don’t like doing that

Mastery OrientationI ‘m not good at that yetI can’t do that yetI haven’t learned to like

that yet

Stop And Think…

Do you lean toward a Trait Orientationor a

Mastery Orientation?

Fear or Hope Motivation?• Fear motivation: – “If I tried that, bad things could

happen.”– “I want to do things the way I’ve always

done” • Hope motivation:– “If I tried that, good things could

happen”– “I want to do things that will make a

difference”

For example…Fear MotivationI might do it wrongI might mess things

upI don’t want to stand

out

Hope MotivationI might be successfulI might make a

differenceI want to take a

chance

Stop And Think…

Do you tend to be motivated by Fearor byHope?

Also… we are guided by Possible Selves.

We also think of our children’s Possible Selves.

Good and Not-so-goodPossible Selves

• Good possibilities–My child could be a good student– I might become a change-maker in my

community• Limiting possibilities–My child could struggle in school like I

did– I might never be happy

Where Do We Get Our Possible Selves?

• From our family history• From what’s happened to others we

know• From what we’ve heard about on TV• From our own secret hopes and fears

Stop And Think…

How do your own Possible Selvesand ones you imagine for

your childreninfluence what you decide to do?

Parents come to uswith a lot of ideas

that might get in the way of being fully engaged intheir children’s development.

Parents’ Limiting Ideas

• “My family is stuck with who we are”• “If we try to change bad things will

happen”• “I don’t want you to know who I

really am” • “Nothing at child care matters very

much”• “People at the center don’t really

care”

Our success in engaging parents in partnership

depends on our ability to overcome limiting beliefs.

What Are You Thinking?

Our job is to invite parents to think differently.

I don’t mean “invite” like “invite to a party”

I mean feeling welcomed.

When did you feel truly welcomed?

Dis-InvitingInviting

In what way is your center inviting to parents?

How is it dis-inviting?

Sending Inviting Messages• Smiling• Listening• Including everybody• Respecting cultural and personal

differences• Offering guidance and support

(avoiding prescriptions and arguments)• Staying flexible

Inadvertent Dis-invitations• Schedules that exclude some families• Signs and messages that are

discourteous• Activities ignore cultural/personal

differences• Worn or outdated or dirty surroundings • Rules administered punitively

Think of your own center…

Intentionally Invitational

Some of us are intentionally dis-invitingSome of us are unintentionally dis-inviting

Some of us are unintentionally inviting

More of us could be moreintentionally inviting

How Can We Send Invitations?

What can happen tomorrowthat would be viewed by parents

and families as more invitational?

Five Ways Invitations Are Made*• People – what people do and say• Places – how places look, smell,

sound, feel• Processes – how things are done• Policies – how what is done is

worded • Programs – what we can do together

*And dis-invitations too!

Put This Into A StarPeople

Places

ProcessesPolicies

Programs

What People Say And DoPeople

Places

ProcessesPolicies

Programs

CourteousInclusiveRespectfulOptimisticAccessibleCheerfulCaringFair

How Places Look… People

Places

ProcessesPolicies

Programs

CleanUnclutteredNo odorSafeQuietRight-sizedEasy to findWelcoming

How Things HappenPeople

Places

ProcessesPolicies

Programs

Processes existFairConsistentUncomplicatedLocalFlexibleHuman-centered

How Processes Are SharedPeople

Places

ProcessesPolicies

Programs

Accessible to allInclusive languageEasy to readEasy to findClearFlexibleHuman-centered

What We Do TogetherPeople

Places

ProcessesPolicies

Programs

Obvious valueOpen to everyoneAsset-focusedFunMatch the mission

Everyone Can Be Invitational Five Ways

• In what we do and say• In how we maintain our spaces• In how we make things happen• In how we communicate the rules• In what we decide to do with

parents & kids

What Are You Thinking?

Where Were We…?• It’s important to get parents engaged

in children’s learning… BUT• There may be role-based

misconceptions• There may be negative personal

beliefs• It’s everyone’s job to invite parents

to think differently

What We Said About Invitations• What we say and do can be inviting

or not• We can be invitational in five ways:– How we present ourselves– How things look and feel– How things are done– How the rules are communicated–What we do together with families

So… where are we going next?• We will talk about barriers to sending

and accepting invitations: parents’ barriers and YOUR barriers

• We will talk about taking action• We will make a written plan…

Barriers to Sending Invitations

• There’s not enough time• I’m not that nice• I’m not confident enough• Parents need direction (I need more

control)• It’s not my job• Parents won’t accept my invitations

anyway

I Don’t Have TimeThis is true: you don’t have time

But nothing else you do is quite so important as making parents feel invited

So… make time…

I’m Not That NiceBecoming more nice is worth the effort• Notice when a judging thought

creeps in• Instead of giving advice, ask a

question• Instead of arguing, listen more• Confirm the emotion parents seem to

convey

I Don’t Feel Confident• Your work is with adults as much as it

is with children, because it is the family that’s key

• Remember that you and parents have similar hopes and fears

• Parents believe you are knowledgeable no matter how un-confident you feel

I Need More Control• No one wants to be told what to do• Parents are the only ones who know

everything about their families• Control sometimes suits our own

convenience more than it helps the families we serve

It’s Not My Job

Oh, yes, it is!

No One Will Care• Why do we believe parents won’t

accept our invitations?

• Why don’t parents accept our invitations?

It Might Take A While For Invitations To Work

Why might that be?

Parents’ acceptance of our invitations is our problem.

It’s up to usto figure out how to make

being engagedin the center inviting.

What Are You Thinking?

Inviting Parents As Partners

What can you do to engage parents?

Think About Your Center• Are there signs, voicemail messages,

bulletin boards that need changing?• Are there policies and processes that

dis-invite?• Does the center need some

freshening up?

Think About Your Role• How can you interact with parents more?• How can you make your interactions

more inviting?• How can you address each of the 5 Ways

in your role?

Think About Invitations• How can you extend invitations to

parents who never get involved? • How can you invite men as much as

women?• How can you encourage “problem

parents” to become positively engaged?

Now is the timeto

create a plan

Need Some Inspiration?

Think About Parents

• What are parents’ concerns and wishes?

• Imagine what a great partnership might look like

• Write it down

Make It Happen

• Create a written plan with clear goals• Set short timelines• Decide how to tell if you’re making

progress• Get started and follow through• Commit to success

What Did You Decide?

What Will You Do Today?

• Long-term goals are reached with small steps

• Set goals for today and this week• Check to see how you’re doing

today and this week

Keep Track

• Make it simple to measure progress• Write down what happens• Be curious!

This Is A Center-wide Effort

• Compare notes with other staff• Invite each other to stay invitational• Cheer everyone on!

What If…?What if… I feel silly?

What if… I’m the only one at my center to try this?

What if… parents ignore my invitations?

What If…?

Why Parents May Not Respond

Distracted by survival needsLow expectations for successAfraid of changeFeelings of dis-invitation

From This Day Forward

• Be unfailingly invitational• Be patient: See this as a

challenging game

Remember… Getting parents engaged is a goal all its own.

If we can get parents engaged, children always will do better.

What Are You Thinking?

What Will You Do First?

Invite Yourself…… To be bigger and more important than

you’ve been… To see more clearly what’s really going

on for families at your center… To make a real and lasting difference in

the lives of children

Invite Yourself… … to dream big

Keep in touch…

info@patricianananderson.comwww.PatriciaNanAnderson.com

PatriciaNanAndersonConsultantAndTrainer

Thank you!