If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785.

For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036.

This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.

If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785

For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036

This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.

Understanding Behaviour and

Building Connection

During this presentation we will:

1. Discuss behavior as a form of communication

2. Explore the use of two frameworks for strengthening relationships and

supporting children with their emotions

a) ”Repairing Relationships with a Time-In” (Circle of Security)

b) Emotion Coaching (Emotion Focused Family Therapy)

Part 1: Looking Beyond the Behaviour

Recognizing the Need for Connection

2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International

2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International

Kicking, hitting,

screaming, hiding,

withdrawing, etc.

Feeling frightened, overwhelmed,

needing help with their big emotions,

feeling alone and disconnected, tired,

sick etc.

Beacon House UK

Beacon House UK

Beacon House UK

Part 2: Using the Time-In Approach (Circle of Security)

* A link to this handout From Circle of Security International can be

found on the resource page or at

https://www.circleofsecurityinternati

onal.com/wp-

content/uploads/COS_Time-In-1.pdf

2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International

Part 1 of 4

2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International

Part 2 of 4

2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International

Part 3of 4

“Bottom Line: It’s the relationship (and only the relationship) that will

build the child’s capacity to organize their feelings. My child’s problem

may look like something that is being done on purpose. But at its root,

it’s an issue of needing to reconnect and learning to handle difficult

feelings in a safe and secure way. By taking an “I can/we can”

perspective “Together we are going to figure out what you need” my

child will realize that I’m in charge as someone who is Bigger,

Stronger, Wiser and Kind. This will reassure them that their feelings

will settle and organize and the relationship will be repaired”.

2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International

Part 4 of 4

Part 3: Using Emotion Coaching

The Five Steps of Emotion Coaching

Step One: Attend to the Emotion

Step Two: Name It

Step Three: Validate the Emotion

Step Four: Meet the Need

Step Five: Fix-It/Problem Solve

https://www.emotionfocusedfamilytherapy.org/steps-of-emotion-coaching/

“When it feels like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, it’s easy to lose hope. It can make you worry that something is really wrong with your child, yourself, or your relationship…rest assured that change can take time. Children are

incredibly resilient creatures. So are parents and caregivers. We are programmed to learn and grow together. No matter what your child has been through or how she is

reacting right now, there is always, always hope. The bond between a child and their primary caregiver is stronger than it seems and children want things to get better. Your child likely won’t yet be able to thank you for all that you are doing or

to tell you that even when things go sideways, he appreciates how you stick by him again and again. We hope in the meantime that you give yourself credit for being willing to try out new things, fall, and get back up again. It is a tremendous gift you

are giving yourself and your child and we so firmly believe that your efforts are incredibly meaningful.”

-Adele LaFrance and Ashley Miller, What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers

• There is a skill deficit i.e. the person does not have the skill

yet

• The person has learned to use an inappropriate behavior to

meet a need

Challenges with behaviour happen when:

We need to consider the function: Why?

“WHY”

– It’s important to consider what the person is trying to communicate with their

behaviour

To GAIN ACCESS to something

– e.g. attention/activity, tangibles, edibles

To ESCAPE/AVOID something

– e.g. less preferred/difficult task, person or environment

To gain/avoid SENSORY experiences

– e.g. scratching, hand flapping, pacing

The A B C’s

Antecedent Based Strategies: Preventative strategies

Replacement Behaviour/Skill Strategies: Teaching a replacement

behaviour or building skills

An APPROPRIATE way for the individual to have their wants/needs

met

Consequence Based Strategies: Reinforcement

Antecedent strategies:

• It is common for people to respond to a behaviour AFTER it happens

• What happens BEFORE the behaviour occurs can impact the behaviour

• Types of Antecedent strategies:

– Changes to the environment

– Consistent routines

– Effective Communication

– Redirection

Replacing challenging behaviour:

• Behaviour happens for a reason and serves a purpose/function

• Replacement behaviours are skills taught that serve the same function as

the challenging behaviour

– e.g. asking for attention instead of hitting

• If we do not teach replacement behaviours the problem behaviour may not

be reduced and other problem behaviours may arise.

Consequence based strategies:

• Consequence based strategies are carefully planned strategies that are

used after a behaviour has occurred

• Reinforcement: A consequence that will increase the likelihood of a

behaviour happening again.

• Reinforcer: something that is motivating, something the person likes and

is willing to work for.

Scenario: Morning routine

• A: Antecedent strategies may include: Using timers, creating a morning

schedule, setting out clothes the night before, packing lunch the night before, setting the table, providing choices, etc.

• B: Replacement behaviour may include: teaching to ask for help, teaching

child to wait, teaching life skills (such as getting dressed, brushing teeth independently) etc.

• C: Reinforce desired behaviour: Use praise, tangible reinforcers (e.g. edibles, preferred items, activities), token systems

Scenario: Homework

• A: Antecedents may include: chunking the work, offer choices, decrease

the level of difficulty, schedule breaks

• B: Teach the child to ask for help, ask for a break

• C: Reinforce completing work (e.g. checkmark system, preferred activity

for every 5 answers completed, etc.)

Creating

connections with

our children

Why is it important?

What can parents do?

Image taken from:

http://www.shieldhealthcare.com/community/grow/2020/0

2/10/3-ways-to-connect-with-our-children/

Parental Role?

Image taken from: http://thedanishway.com/10-questions-about-

the-danish-way-of-parenting/

To protect and prepare

children and teens

to survive and thrive

in the kind of society in

which they live.

Text taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020

Image taken from: http://thedanishway.com/10-questions-about-

the-danish-way-of-parenting/

5 Key Qualities of Character

▪ Respect

▪ Responsibility

▪ Cooperation

▪ Courage

▪ Self-Esteem

Text taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020

Image taken from: https://juniorachievementradio.com/12023-2/

Courage: The confidence to take a

known risk for a known purpose.

Coeur

Text taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020

Taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020

Turn Discouragement into Encouragement

Discouraging

Influences

Encouraging

Influences

Focusing on Mistakes

Expecting too Little

Expecting too Much

Overprotecting and

pampering

Building on Strengths

Showing Confidence

Valuing the Teen

Stimulating

Independence

Importance of connection

Image taken from: https://www.grandcoloane.com/en-us/promotions/Family-

Connecting-Room

Careful to take into consideration the development of the child

Developing

Brain

Text and image taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020

2

Nucleus

Accumbens motivation

3

Amygdalaemotion

impulse

1

Cerebellumphysical coordination

sensory processing

4

Prefrontal

Cortex judgment

“executive

center”

What does the prefrontal cortex

(the “Executive Center”)

control?

▪ Sound decision making

▪ Empathy

▪ Considering consequences

▪ Regulating emotions

▪ Self-awareness

▪ Morality Text and image taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020

Connections: online vs in person

https://www.gettingsmart.com/2016/12/the-7-great-educational-online-games/

https://parentandteen.com/building-strong-connections-

for-teens-and-families/h

How to build healthy family

connections:

1. Make the relationship a

priority

2. Celebrate moments

3. Demonstrate Affection

4. Use active communication

skills

5. Validate feelings

6. Model behaviours

7. Let’s be a team

8. Unconditional support

https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/family-relationship-importance-and-how-to-build-healthy-relationships/

Additional Resources

Netflix documentary: “Social dilemma”

HFFF Webinar: Screen Addiction

Active Parenting Workshop: offered by Halton

Families for Families

LET’S CHAT!

Please use the Chat feature to privately send a

question/comment to the Chat Moderator, Maria Rosa

If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785.

For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036.

This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.

If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785

For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036

This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.