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If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785.
For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036.
This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.
If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785
For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036
This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.
Understanding Behaviour and
Building Connection
During this presentation we will:
1. Discuss behavior as a form of communication
2. Explore the use of two frameworks for strengthening relationships and
supporting children with their emotions
a) ”Repairing Relationships with a Time-In” (Circle of Security)
b) Emotion Coaching (Emotion Focused Family Therapy)
Part 1: Looking Beyond the Behaviour
Recognizing the Need for Connection
2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International
2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International
Kicking, hitting,
screaming, hiding,
withdrawing, etc.
Feeling frightened, overwhelmed,
needing help with their big emotions,
feeling alone and disconnected, tired,
sick etc.
Beacon House UK
Beacon House UK
Beacon House UK
Part 2: Using the Time-In Approach (Circle of Security)
* A link to this handout From Circle of Security International can be
found on the resource page or at
https://www.circleofsecurityinternati
onal.com/wp-
content/uploads/COS_Time-In-1.pdf
2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International
Part 1 of 4
2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International
Part 2 of 4
2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International
Part 3of 4
“Bottom Line: It’s the relationship (and only the relationship) that will
build the child’s capacity to organize their feelings. My child’s problem
may look like something that is being done on purpose. But at its root,
it’s an issue of needing to reconnect and learning to handle difficult
feelings in a safe and secure way. By taking an “I can/we can”
perspective “Together we are going to figure out what you need” my
child will realize that I’m in charge as someone who is Bigger,
Stronger, Wiser and Kind. This will reassure them that their feelings
will settle and organize and the relationship will be repaired”.
2018 Cooper, Hoffman, and Powell; Circle of Security International
Part 4 of 4
Part 3: Using Emotion Coaching
The Five Steps of Emotion Coaching
Step One: Attend to the Emotion
Step Two: Name It
Step Three: Validate the Emotion
Step Four: Meet the Need
Step Five: Fix-It/Problem Solve
https://www.emotionfocusedfamilytherapy.org/steps-of-emotion-coaching/
“When it feels like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, it’s easy to lose hope. It can make you worry that something is really wrong with your child, yourself, or your relationship…rest assured that change can take time. Children are
incredibly resilient creatures. So are parents and caregivers. We are programmed to learn and grow together. No matter what your child has been through or how she is
reacting right now, there is always, always hope. The bond between a child and their primary caregiver is stronger than it seems and children want things to get better. Your child likely won’t yet be able to thank you for all that you are doing or
to tell you that even when things go sideways, he appreciates how you stick by him again and again. We hope in the meantime that you give yourself credit for being willing to try out new things, fall, and get back up again. It is a tremendous gift you
are giving yourself and your child and we so firmly believe that your efforts are incredibly meaningful.”
-Adele LaFrance and Ashley Miller, What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers
• There is a skill deficit i.e. the person does not have the skill
yet
• The person has learned to use an inappropriate behavior to
meet a need
Challenges with behaviour happen when:
We need to consider the function: Why?
“WHY”
– It’s important to consider what the person is trying to communicate with their
behaviour
To GAIN ACCESS to something
– e.g. attention/activity, tangibles, edibles
To ESCAPE/AVOID something
– e.g. less preferred/difficult task, person or environment
To gain/avoid SENSORY experiences
– e.g. scratching, hand flapping, pacing
The A B C’s
Antecedent Based Strategies: Preventative strategies
Replacement Behaviour/Skill Strategies: Teaching a replacement
behaviour or building skills
An APPROPRIATE way for the individual to have their wants/needs
met
Consequence Based Strategies: Reinforcement
Antecedent strategies:
• It is common for people to respond to a behaviour AFTER it happens
• What happens BEFORE the behaviour occurs can impact the behaviour
• Types of Antecedent strategies:
– Changes to the environment
– Consistent routines
– Effective Communication
– Redirection
Replacing challenging behaviour:
• Behaviour happens for a reason and serves a purpose/function
• Replacement behaviours are skills taught that serve the same function as
the challenging behaviour
– e.g. asking for attention instead of hitting
• If we do not teach replacement behaviours the problem behaviour may not
be reduced and other problem behaviours may arise.
Consequence based strategies:
• Consequence based strategies are carefully planned strategies that are
used after a behaviour has occurred
• Reinforcement: A consequence that will increase the likelihood of a
behaviour happening again.
• Reinforcer: something that is motivating, something the person likes and
is willing to work for.
Scenario: Morning routine
• A: Antecedent strategies may include: Using timers, creating a morning
schedule, setting out clothes the night before, packing lunch the night before, setting the table, providing choices, etc.
• B: Replacement behaviour may include: teaching to ask for help, teaching
child to wait, teaching life skills (such as getting dressed, brushing teeth independently) etc.
• C: Reinforce desired behaviour: Use praise, tangible reinforcers (e.g. edibles, preferred items, activities), token systems
Scenario: Homework
• A: Antecedents may include: chunking the work, offer choices, decrease
the level of difficulty, schedule breaks
• B: Teach the child to ask for help, ask for a break
• C: Reinforce completing work (e.g. checkmark system, preferred activity
for every 5 answers completed, etc.)
Creating
connections with
our children
Why is it important?
What can parents do?
Image taken from:
http://www.shieldhealthcare.com/community/grow/2020/0
2/10/3-ways-to-connect-with-our-children/
Parental Role?
Image taken from: http://thedanishway.com/10-questions-about-
the-danish-way-of-parenting/
To protect and prepare
children and teens
to survive and thrive
in the kind of society in
which they live.
Text taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020
Image taken from: http://thedanishway.com/10-questions-about-
the-danish-way-of-parenting/
5 Key Qualities of Character
▪ Respect
▪ Responsibility
▪ Cooperation
▪ Courage
▪ Self-Esteem
Text taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020
Image taken from: https://juniorachievementradio.com/12023-2/
Courage: The confidence to take a
known risk for a known purpose.
Coeur
Text taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020
Taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020
Turn Discouragement into Encouragement
Discouraging
Influences
Encouraging
Influences
Focusing on Mistakes
Expecting too Little
Expecting too Much
Overprotecting and
pampering
Building on Strengths
Showing Confidence
Valuing the Teen
Stimulating
Independence
Importance of connection
Image taken from: https://www.grandcoloane.com/en-us/promotions/Family-
Connecting-Room
Careful to take into consideration the development of the child
Developing
Brain
Text and image taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020
2
Nucleus
Accumbens motivation
3
Amygdalaemotion
impulse
1
Cerebellumphysical coordination
sensory processing
4
Prefrontal
Cortex judgment
“executive
center”
What does the prefrontal cortex
(the “Executive Center”)
control?
▪ Sound decision making
▪ Empathy
▪ Considering consequences
▪ Regulating emotions
▪ Self-awareness
▪ Morality Text and image taken from: Active Parenting of Teens, 2020
Connections: online vs in person
https://www.gettingsmart.com/2016/12/the-7-great-educational-online-games/
https://parentandteen.com/building-strong-connections-
for-teens-and-families/h
How to build healthy family
connections:
1. Make the relationship a
priority
2. Celebrate moments
3. Demonstrate Affection
4. Use active communication
skills
5. Validate feelings
6. Model behaviours
7. Let’s be a team
8. Unconditional support
https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/family-relationship-importance-and-how-to-build-healthy-relationships/
Additional Resources
Netflix documentary: “Social dilemma”
HFFF Webinar: Screen Addiction
Active Parenting Workshop: offered by Halton
Families for Families
LET’S CHAT!
Please use the Chat feature to privately send a
question/comment to the Chat Moderator, Maria Rosa
If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785.
For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036.
This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.
If you are in crisis, contact our 24/7 ROCK Crisis Line at 905-878-9785
For all other queries related to services call our Access Line at289-266-0036
This Access line is live answered between 9 am - 5 pm.