vol. LXVII/ no. 48/October 28 , 2020

bullsheet@denison.edu | denisonbullsheet.com | @DUBullsheet

The Bullsheet, a forum for news, humor, and community dialogue, is funded by DCGA, se-cretly managed by James, and is printed each day that classes are in session. Submissions must be sent before our editors shamble into the office for next day submission via e-mail to:bullsheet@denison.edu. Submissions herein solely reflect the opinions of the authors.

Edited last night by: Miss. WagnerDelivered this morning by: Mr. Kelsey

HALLOWEEN “DRIVING” U CRAZY?Taking a drivers test is scary, but ya know what’s scarier? Experiencing Hal-loween on Dension’s campus (jk). This weekend, use this driver examination rubric that has been adapted as a checklist for Halloween on campus.

HALLOWEEN EXAMINATION REPORTName (First) (Middle) (Last) D Number Graduation Date

Room Number

Dorm Quad

Birth Date Telephone Number

Applicant SignatureX

EXAMINATION DATAWhy are you out tonight?🥺 I genuinely want t o be o ut and enjo y Hallo ween🥺 I was fo rced by my friend gro up t o go o ut 🥺 I jus t d o n’t want t o be alo ne

Knowledge of Halloween on Campus

Ability to spot Campo

🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺

............

..............

Hearing: did they say they have gas or need a place to crash? 🥺

🥺

Normal

Qualified Unsatisfactory

Vision: is that ur crush or some-one else dressed up as Borat?

🥺 🥺

Deficient

Yes

...........

..........

NoDo the sunglasses really add

anything to ur costume? 🥺 🥺 ...........

Score = F-Fair, P-Poor, U-UnsatisfactoryManuevers not scored are up to interpretation

1. Leaving ur dorm for the night and NOT already

being at black out level

2. Walking up and down the hills without killing urself

3. Correctly guessing who said hi to u cuz u can’t

recognize them in their costume + mask

4. Finding ur friend a place to pee

5. Not wandering all night and settling on somewhere

6. Actually sticking with the people in ur group

costume all night

7. Finding a group of girls dressed as Playboy Bunnies 8. Running int o s o meo ne wit h a COVI D t hemed co s -

tume

9. Successfully predicting what you archenemy from class

was gonna dress up as (joker...duh)

10. Not losing ur swipe over the events of the night

11. Doing an angel/devil couple costume with ur

boo & getting compared to Jesse R. & Devon L. C.

12. Having Campo compliment ur costume

13. Noticing the “devil’s advocate” kid from class dressed

up as something politically incorrect

14. Having one (1) productive conversation with ur love

interest

15. Having someone offer u a free condom

16. Ending the night and NOT having ur makeup/costume

make you look like a hooker 17. Eating a single piece of mediocre Halloween candy

18. Giving the right of way to people dressed up as “The

Purge” (give it up already) 19. Not getting left behind by the group

20. Not falling asleep in full costume

F P U

🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺 🥺

🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺 🥺

🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺

🥺 🥺 🥺

🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺

🥺 🥺

Recommended Restrictions

🥺 No . 1 Mus t be acco mp anied by ro o mat e at all times🥺 No . 2 No t allo wed t o co ns ume Fireball fo r t he weekend🥺 No . 3 Wear at leas t s o me warm clo t hes regard - less of wanting to look “hot”🥺 No . 4 Can no t be wit hin __ ft o f p as t ho o kup 🥺 No . 5 No d art y ing🥺 No . 9 Can no t be cro s s ed 🥺 No . 1 1 Can no t co ns ume lat e night becaus e it will just be thrown up🥺 No . 1 7 No t allo wed t o lis t en t o s ad mus ic p o s t going out🥺 No . 2 5 No “s weet t alking” Camp o 🥺 No . 4 6 Can no t call p arent s 🥺 No . 9 9 No p o s t ing o n s o cial med ia

Most people learn from past partying mishaps, but for Halloween even the most tame become wild. Select the following restrictions that will save you from embarrassment.

🥺 Qualified 🥺 Unsatisfactory

Examination Date Examiner Signature

X*I ’m no t s ure what wo uld “p ermit ” p as s ing fo r t his , s o p leas e us e y o ur o wn d is cret io n -Betsy Wagner, New Driver!

Bull’s Last WordCharlie “pleasure” Schweiger, Managing Editor

Elizabeth “tomfoolery” Arterberry, Senior WriterBig Bo y Jo $h “ro mp ing” P03 , Senio r Writ erMaggie “living it up” Bell, Junior Writer

Blythe “jesting” Dahlem, Sophmore WriterEllie “escapade” Schrader, Sophomore Writer

William “recreation” Kelsey, Sophomore WriterEmma “junketing” Rutherford, Sophomore Writer

James “horseplay” Whitney, Junior EditorJack “merrymaking” May, Junior Editor

Betsy “japing” Wagner, Sophomore Editor Katie “jo llificat io n” Kerrigan, Head Writer

Staff “synonym for fun” BoxTrying to

manifest time management

skills...

A MESSAGE FROM THE VOID

-Jack May, Prisoner 24601

FREE ADVERTISING