Writing for the web

Creating persuasive web content in plain language Annetta Cheek Kath Straub 16 April 2013

What is plain language?

A document or website is in plain language If readers or viewer can easily

•  Find what they need •  Understand it •  Use it to fulfill their purpose

What does “In plain language” mean?

In plain language does NOT mean •  Writing to the lowest common denominator •  Avoiding all technical words •  Being imprecise

What does “In plain language” mean?

Example

After Katrina, FEMA received this question I just found out that the products I have been using to clean my home are toxic! Have I damaged my health by using these products? Here’s how FEMA responded on their website – do you think they gave the important information, and only the important information?

FEMA’s answer

Answer: First of all, what is meant by toxicity? Somewhere on the order of 70,000 different chemicals have been identified as toxic. A chemical produces a toxic effect at concentrations that alter the normal state of the organism. For many chemicals, there is a dose at which there are no toxic effects, there is a dose at which the effects are reversible, and there is a dose at which the effects may have permanent consequences. An example of some toxic chemicals that many of us are exposed to regularly are caffeine, tobacco, and alcohol. At doses normally consumed by the average person, the "high" effect felt by the individual response can be quite different. One person may be able to drink 5 cups of coffee with out visible effects, while another person might get the shakes after 2 cups of coffee. This is an example of how the dose and response varies from one person to the next. At some point, each of these chemicals can have a much more serious effect on the individual. At extremely high doses . . . And this went on for another 10 lines.

Example from a real Regulation

Before

When the process of freeing a stuck vehicle that has been stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the rut or hole created by such activity before removing the vehicle from the immediate area. After

If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill the hole before you drive away. (National Park Service regulation)

The key to plain language is understanding your audience

• Who is your audience? • What do they already know? • What do they still need to know?

How can you help them get where (you know) they need to go

URBAN LEGEND: People don’t read on the web EXPLANATION: People don’t read on the web when what we write does not fit their needs.

Eyetracking Image showing user reading a long text-y page carefully.

Where we are going with this

Good web content sets up a dialogue

•  Talk about things I (need to) care about • Know what I already know • Hold my hand • Guide me, don’t lecture me • Don’t overwhelm me • Maybe even, … make it fun

What does it mean to design a dialogue?

The evolution of self-service design

Used car salesmen and desk

clerks

Websites Usable websites

Conversations made possible by technology

1980 2020

We are about here

Help me get things done

Help me do things

When we say “transition to self-service,” we don’t really mean do it yourself… even on the web.

•  READSMART

Smile, You're in the Dental Care Aisle http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/06/business/06shortcuts.html

•  READSMART

Smile, You're in the Dental Care Aisle http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/06/business/06shortcuts.html

I have LOSS AVERSION in the toothbrush aisle

My mental model for getting a toothbrush includes a guide

•  READSMART

Two big changes 1.  We make more choices from larger choice sets 2.  We make them alone…. or with the web as our guide.

Act on it

Understand what I found

Find what I need

Web design needs to evolve

The old good: A website is good if people can find what they need, understand what they found and act on it effectively. But, this assumes that I know what I’m looking for.

Act on it

Understand what I found

Find what I need

New “good design” needs to support self-service

Figure out what I want

The new good: A website works if it helps people figure out what they need to do or ask, find the relevant Information, understand what they found and act on it effectively.

Act on it

Understand what I found

Find what I need

New “good design” needs to support self-service

Figure out what I need/want

1. Diagnose

2. Guide 3. Facilitate

The new good: The web “asks” and understands what I want and need. And then helps, based on that.

What does this look like on the web?

•  READSMART

•  READSMART

•  READSMART

•  READSMART

But there is still a disconnect. There is no web kiosk in the toothpaste aisle.

How will we know what to say?

Step 1: Recognize your bias

You know too much. And you probably give other people the benefit of the doubt that they know what you do.

Participants can find the answers to key questions on the site, when directed to. But, most were not motivated to do that—or to request their free credit reports—before to the usability test. We have hypotheses for why: 1.  Credit reports are mirrors that people don’t want to face. 2.  Advertising and experience influences consumer expectations about

“free” 3.  People don’t understand how reviewing/monitoring their credit reports will

benefit them.

All are viable reasons for the low motivation. Since the site can potentially address it, our research explored #3.

Step 2: Understand your audience

.

Research Insight: Our content will have to (re-)educate

Urban legend Reality My credit report is like a report card. It is an immutable snapshot of my credit history.

Your credit report may contain errors that should be fixed.

I have one credit score. You have three, potentially very different scores. (And soon, possibly more)

All my credit reports will be the same. Or The different credit reporting companies sell the same report.

Each credit reporting company collects information from different organizations. You need to check all 3 reports

The credit reporting agencies are the enemy holding me back.*

You and the organizations that provide you credit are responsible for your score. The CRAs are just the messengers.

Emerging: My credit card company will alert me if anything out of the ordinary is happening. That is enough.

Some credit card companies do that for some customers.

Step 3: Create the conversation

Urban legend: Rotating carousels (or hero boxes) are always bad. Reality: If you know how users will interact with them, you can use rotating carousels to a specific end.

Step 3: Show them how it will work

Step 3: Show them what to do

Step 3: Help users connect the dots (that you take for granted)

Step 4: Check to see if they can do it (“Old” usability)

Step 4: Ask them if they really understood it (Content testing)

How do I know it is in plain language?

Writing goals vary on different pages within websites.

• Homepages • Navigation pages • Hybrid pages • Content pages

We are talking about designing content.

Plain writing principles

For things we don’t get to …

Do this •  Keep it short •  Organize content logically •  Use headings as sign posts •  Use strong verbs, including active voice •  Use pronouns •  Use common words •  Design tables, matrices to guide decisions

Avoid these •  Abbreviations, jargon, legal terms, Latin •  Confusing constructions •  3 or more nouns in a row •  Excess words •  Information the audience doesn’t need to know

Today we will focus on ..

Do this •  Keep it short •  Organize content logically •  Use headings as sign posts •  Use strong verbs, including active voice •  Use pronouns •  Use common words •  Design tables, matrices to guide decisions

Avoid these •  Abbreviations, jargon, legal terms, Latin •  Confusing constructions •  3 or more nouns in a row •  Excess words •  Information the audience doesn’t need to know

For things we don’t cover

Federal Plain Language Guidelines http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/guidelines/FederalPLGuidelines/TOC.cfm

GOAL: Use fewer words

Reduce

• Words on the page •  Sentence length •  Paragraphs length •  # of Pages • Omit wordy phrases.

Omit wordy phrases

Phrases to look for: • Doublets (cease and desist) •  Redundancies (at this point in time) •  Prepositional phrases

Omit wordy phrases

r

Replace this … With this …

At a later time Later

During that time period During that time, or then

Worked jointly together Worked together

Level of coverage Coverage

Will plan in the future Will plan

At least 12 years of age or older At least 12

For the purpose of For, to

At this point in time Now

In an effort to To X

On the grounds that Because

On a monthly basis Monthly

Reduce sentence length

• Written material: 20 words or fewer average • On the web: 10 words or fewer average

Examples: Long sentences

The 12-month in business requirement can be waived if the borrower’s key personnel can demonstrate export expertise and successful previous business experience and the lender uses conventional commercial loan underwriting procedures and does not rely solely on credit scoring. 39 words Federal support for wind and solar energy, biofuels, and other renewable energy sources, which has been estimated at several billion dollars per year, is fragmented because 23 agencies implemented hundreds of renewable energy initiatives in fiscal year 2010—the latest year for which GAO developed these original data. 48 words

Examples: Long sentences (Data.gov)

Here you will find hundreds of government datasets that can help enable consumer choice; apps that demonstrate the power of Smart Disclosure; challenges for app developers; and resources to learn more about Smart Disclosure. 34 words

Today’s most important choices involve a complicated array of options, whether you’re looking for health insurance, educational opportunities, housing, financial products, energy providers, airline flights, or other products and services. 30 words

GOAL: Avoid walls of words

Walls of words

Walls of words

Walls of words

Walls of words

Not a wall of words

Not a wall of words

Not a wall of words

GOAL: Avoid long pages

Our favorite long page: AARP

AARP keeps going ….

AARP: … and going

AARP: But wait … there’s more!

AARP: … and MORE!

Not a Myth: Readers read more near the top of your page. The longer the page, the lower the percent they read.

How much of this do you think most (any?) people see?

Deciding where to start on the AARP website is a bit like deciding which shop to visit in a South East Asian strip mall.

Keep content to one screen

•  Readers may scroll, but they read less farther down

Your screens: Content on one screen

Your sites: Content on one screen

Your sites: Content on one screen

Your sites: Content on one screen

GOAL: Use common words

Use common words

Avoid •  uncommon words •  bureaucratic words •  foreign words •  legal terms •  terms of art

•  Even highly educated people read faster and with better comprehension if you stick with common words.

• Difficult words do not make you look smarter •  “Common” does not mean “short”!

Replace this … With this …

Instruct Tell

Receive Get

Obtain Get

Assistance Help

Facilitate Help

Retain Keep

Examples

Resources – Common words

http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/wordsuggestions/simplewords.cfm

Uncommon words glued together confuse people even more.

Examples from your work: • Enterprise infrastructure solution • Sector protection efforts • Formulates targeted notice programs grounded in . . .

• Cloud Enabler • End-to-end mobile application solutions • Potentially duplicative asset management activities

• Mission specific domain expertise

http://www.wordcount.org/main.php

It is important to know where the corpus comes from. This corpus is British..

For the scientific purists and people with too much time.

http://www.wordfrequency.info/

GOAL: Avoid jargon

MYTH :All jargon is bad. Good jargon

Well understood words used inside a group that facilitate communication within that group

If you are writing for rocket scientists, speak rocket science

Bad jargon is typically technical language that has escaped to the real world…

Abbreviations

•  Readers hate abbreviations • Abbreviations turn your material into a research project for

your reader If you have to shorten things, use “nicknames” that have some meaningful content.

Use nicknames instead of abbreviations

For Instead of Use

Interagency resource advisory committee

IRAC Advisory committee

New England Quality Care Alliance

NEQCA Alliance, or Care Alliance

Central Valley Regional Health Trust

CVRHT Regional Trust

Examples from your writing…

• Agile •  Resonating • APY (not defined) • Optimization •  Tier •  Termination (unless you’ve killed somebody)

Use strong verbs

•  Verbs are the strongest word type in English, so use lots of strong ones.

Goal: Use strong verbs

Weak verbs

•  Passive voice •  Hidden verbs •  Subjunctive •  Complex forms like perfect tenses

•  Simple present is the strongest verb tense.

Passive voice

People read passive sentences slower than active sentences. Active sentences are more common than passive sentences.

Active sentences Noun Verb Noun Doer Action to Do-ee The cat chased the dog.

Passive sentences Noun Verb Noun Doer Action to Do-ee The dog was chased by the cat

Present tense

Strong verbs

Simple tense

Simple present is the strongest verb tense

Hidden verbs

• Hidden verbs are verbs disguised as nouns - they are longer and weaker than verbs.

• Hidden verbs are one of the biggest problems in bureaucratic writing.

Passive voice may not identify the actor.*

•  Reports were written. • Decisions were issued. • Mistakes were made.

* Writers use this strategy to avoid saying who is responsible.

Examples

Replace this … With this …

Conduct an analysis Analyze

Present a report Report

Make a recommendation Recommend

Provide assistance Help

The use of Using

Examples from your sites

•  facilitate the delivery of •  provide assistance and coordination •  enhance their collaboration •  provides an overview •  undertakes an analysis of

GOAL: Don’t say too much

Remove content people don’t need

• Web content is a conversation with your customer. If material doesn’t belong in the conversation, it doesn’t belong on the web.

• You aren’t Santa Claus. You can’t serve all customers. Serve the 2 or 3 most important ones – at the most.

• Challenge every word. If you don’t need it, get rid of it.

What does this really say?

What does this really say?

If you’ve been arrested and you can’t afford a lawyer, we can help you.

How is knowing this level of detail helping me?

What SBA Offers to Help Small Businesses Grow What does SBA offer to small business owners? The programs are many and varied, and the qualifications for each are specific. SBA can help facilitate a loan for you with a third party lender, guarantee a bond, or help you find venture capital. Understanding how SBA works is the first step towards receiving assistance. SBA’s Role SBA provides a number of financial assistance programs for small businesses that have been specifically designed to meet key financing needs, including debt financing, surety bonds, and equity financing.

You can Start here and not miss anything.

Does the reader need to know this?

•  The content and organization of the Aviation Safety web pages was inspired by the "Pillars" of the Safety Management Systems (SMS). The resources provided are grouped into the areas of Promotion, Risk Management, Assurance and Policy to reflect the four pillars of SMS.

•  SMS can be utilized as a means of providing a formal process and structure to control the risk associated with the vast array of aviation missions.

•  It is the goal of SMS to create a positive safety culture where participants continually challenge the processes, the culture and the systems to identify weaknesses and where improvements can be made. This web site was created with the intent of providing relevant and current information, facilitate opportunities to capture the wealth of operational knowledge and experience from the aviation community and to link learning with training so we may actively take steps toward reaching that goal.

Visuals should help users identify and understand key content.

US embassy websites around the world say this

Security Notice for Visitors to the Embassy and the Consulates In order to ensure everyone's safety and to ensure that security screening does not delay entrance in to the Consulate and planned interviews, no electronic devices, including cell telephones, may be brought into the Embassy or Consulate. Large backpacks, suitcases and glass containers are also not permitted. Security personnel will not store items for applicants and will confiscate all weapons. We therefore suggest that all such items be left at home, in a locked car, or with a friend or relative who remains outside the premises. Documents relevant to the visa and/or passport application are the only items that we encourage applicants to bring with them. Your cooperation will help to ensure everyone's safety and will help us to ensure that we are able to interview you as quickly as possible.

US embassy websites around the world could say this

Security Notice for Visitors to the Embassy and the Consulates In order to ensure everyone's safety and to ensure that security screening does not delay entrance in to the Consulate and planned interviews, no electronic devices, including cell telephones, may be brought into the Embassy or Consulate. Large backpacks, suitcases and glass containers are also not permitted. Security personnel will not store items for applicants and will confiscate all weapons. We therefore suggest that all such items be left at home, in a locked car, or with a friend or relative who remains outside the premises. Documents relevant to the visa and/or passport application are the only items that we encourage applicants to bring with them. Your cooperation will help to ensure everyone's safety and will help us to ensure that we are able to interview you as quickly as possible.

Security Notice - Embassy and Consulates Visitors To ensure safety and reduce waiting time, the Embassy limits limits the items you can bring into the building. Do bring •  Documents relevant to your visa and/or passport application. Do not bring • Electronic devices, including cell telephones • Large backpacks and suitcases • Glass containers • Weapons of any type The gate staff can’t hold items for you.

This is probably Too Much Information (TMI)

Let’s rewrite this paragraph

Call our toll-free number In addition to using our website, you can call us toll-free At 1-800-772-1213. We treat all calls confidentially. We can answer specific questions from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday. Generally, you’ll have a shorter wait time if you call during the week after Tuesday. We can provide information by automated phone service 24 hours a day. (You can use our automated response system to tell us a new address or request a replacement Medicare card.) If you are deaf or hard of hearing, you may call our TTY number, 1-800-325-0778. 97 words

We think it could look like this:

Call us toll-free anytime at 1-800-772-1213. From 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday you can talk to a staff person. At other times you’ll reach our automated system. Use it to give us a new address or ask for a replacement Medicare card.) All calls are confidential. TTY number 1-800-325-0778. 52 words

Information your users (probably) don’t need

• When Director office was formed • Who is the Director • What the Director said the day he was sworn in • What the Director looks like • What your annual report from 3 years ago looked like • How the County government is organized • What you did for customers 5 years ago •  The text of a law that authorizes your office

Reality check

If you aren’t sure if you need the

information, ask yourself:

Will Kath’s mom care?

Back at the conversation (10K ft)

Create a conversation that motivates your users

• Help me connect the dots •  Remind me why I care •  Remind me what to do • Make it easy • Make me accountable •  Reward me

GAMIFICATION IS JUST BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION REBRANDED

. Now = 6:42am EST today

Zynga made 3 things acceptable

Begging Bragging Tiny Victories

Behavioral change means using reinforcement to get people to learn/do things that you want them to do that they probably wouldn’t do otherwise.

Positive: Add something

Negative: Take something away

Rei

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Incr

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Positive reinforcement Negative reinforcement

Pun

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Positive punishment Negative punishment

Remember this from Psych101?

Things that make games work.

Make success into small, Incremental, visible steps.

Things that make games work.

Give actionable positive feedback.

Things that make games work.

Short term and long term goals are interwoven.

Hint: sometimes you have to create sub-goals

Things that make games work.

Make (tiny) achievements build up.

Things that make games work.

Benchmarks let me compete and/or collaborate

Things that make games work.

It is there when I want it. But opt in.

Game mechanics in the real world

Freshbooks

A space where game mechanics could help ….

How might the experience of enrolling in and picking 401/403 funds be different if you interposed feedback during the process and leveraged the interactive decision tools on the toothbrush site? What other gamification strategies could you apply?

Questions or comments

Annetta Cheek alcplain@gmail.com Kath Straub kath@usability.org