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PARTI:SCAREDOBLIGATIONS

ARTICLE1:Preamble

(1) Brosbeforehoes.Alwaysremember,girlfriendscomeandgo,butyourboysarealwaysthere.

(2) BreakingthisruleistocommitthecardinalsinagainstTeamTestosterone.

ARTICLE2:LastBeerStanding

Neverdrinkthelastbeer,unlessyou'vebeengrantedspecificpermissionthatit'sOK.

ARTICLE3:ChickAvailability

(1) Ifagirlfallsintothefollowingcriteria,sheisofflimitsforeveruntiltheendoftime:

a. Wasanex‐girlfriend.b. Yourfriendspecificallytoldyouhewantedher.c. Isyou'rebuddy'ssister.

(2) However,ifit'syourbuddy'scousin,wellshe'supforgrabs,andyou'rewelcometorubitinhisfaceforyearstocome.

ARTICLE4:Jokes

Neverdiss,laugh,disgruntle,vexorannoyabroifhisteamjustlostacrushinggame..

ARTICLE5:Pets

Youmustneverownacat.

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ARTICLE6:TicketstoanEvent

(1) Ifyouget2ticketstothebiggame/gig/event,theprioritylistforgrantingthesecondticketisasfollows.

a. Yourbestbro(inorderofhowlongyou'veknownthemorbasedondefinitionofa‘bro’underAppendix).

b. Youracquaintances.c. Yourco‐workers.d. Themailman.e. Arandomguy–potentialbromaterialf. …….g. ….a. Yourgirlfriend.

ARTICLE7:LimitationsonFeminine/HomoTendencies

(1) YouareallowedtoenjoyexactlyonechickTVshow,andonechickflick.Youmayhavenomore.(AndifyoulikeNotebookorWalktoRemember,well,we'realreadytoolate)

ARTICLE8:Gifts

BirthdayandChristmaspresentsforyourguyfriendsareoptional.Beeralwaysmakesagreatgift.

ARTICLE9:PubHouseRules

Ifyougotothebarwithyourbros,youmustbuyaroundofdrinksatleastonce.

ARTICLE10:GameOn

TherearenomercyruleswhenplayingsomeoneinPoker,streethockey,bare‐fistedboxing,etc.(Otherwise,sportsknownas‘bro‐sports’)

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ARTICLE11:BroDebt

(1) Ifyouoweyourbromoney,paythembackassoonashumanlypossible—unlessit'sagamblingdebt,whichmustbepaidimmediatelyunless

a. Youarebrokeandgayprostitutionistheonlysolutiontopaybackthedebt

b. Mutualconsensusunderscaredoath

ARTICLE12:MeaninglessConversation

(1) Whenonebroengagesafellowbroinapoliticaldebate,saiddebateshallremaincivilandingoodspirits.

(2) Shouldsaiddebatebecomeanargument,thebrowhoinitiatedthe"argument"shallslaphimselfandthendowntwoMillerChills.

(3) Thisbrowillthen,intheproceedingGubernatorial,Congressional,orPresidentialelection,voteforthecandidateofhisfellowBro'schoosing

ARTICLE13:PublicDisplaysofAffection

NOPDA(PublicDisplaysofAffection).Hey,congratulations,anothergirlcanstandthesightofyou.Youdon'tneedtowearherlikeafuckingtrophy.

ARTICLE14:Cheating–AllFairInLove&War

(1) It'salrighttocheatatanygamewheremoneyisn'tinvolved.(2) Incertaincircumstances,relationshipsmaybeclassifiedas"games."

a. Whentherelationshipislessthan2hoursb. Whentherelationshipfallswithinthecategoryof‘relationshit’c. Afterhavingengaginginsexualintercoursewithinthe6hoursofmeeting

theoppositegender

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ARTICLE15:Gym

Don'ttellotherguyselaboratestoriesaboutyourweightliftingexerciseroutine.Noonecares.

ARTICLE16:Sports&Beyond

(1) Neveropenlyquestionanotherguy'ssportswisdom,unlesssaidinformationspecificallypertainstoyourfavoriteteam.

(2) Itdoesn'tmatterhowludicroustheotherguysoundstellingyouthatFrankLampardwasbetterthanStevenGerrardlastseason,lethimbe.

ARTICLE17:GirlfriendCalls

Whenoutwiththeguys,neveracceptacallfromyourgirlfriend—unlessshe'sdyingortrappedunderaburningfueltruck,andifthat'sthecasemakeitquick.

ARTICLE18:PeeRule

(1) Alwaysallowabufferzoneaturinalsandoncouchesa. Aturinals–brosshouldatalltimesstand2urinalsaway.If,thereareno2

urinalsavailablewhichsatisfythisrequirement:i. onebromustuseacubicleorii. holdtilltheotherbrofinisheshisbusiness

ARTICLE19:ZoneLimitations

(1) Nevershareabedwithaguy,unlessthere'snowayaroundit.

ARTICLE20:RepeatArticle1NOW

BrosBeforeHoes.Iknow,Ialreadyusedit.Ican'tstressitenough,though.Itisabsolutelyinfuriatinghowmanyofmyguyfriendshavebecomeinsufferabledickssincethey'vegoneoutwithsomeone.

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ARTICLE21:ExclusivityRightstoBroFriendship

(1) BroswillnotbeassumedtobeexclusiveunlesseachhasexplicitlygrantedtheotherexclusiveBrorights.

(2) IfaBroisnotexclusivethenaBromayhavemorethanoneBro.(3) However,uponbecomingexclusive,saidBromustbreakanyBrotieswithall

otherBros.

ARTICLE26:GirlFight

(1) Abrowill,inatimelymanner,alerthisbrototheexistenceofagirlfight."ABromustneverhesitatebeforecommunicatingthepossibilityoffisticuffsbetweentwohumansofthefemalevariety[[HENCEFORTH"GIRLFIGHT"]],inanefforttomakepossibleandprobablethatanotherBroorBroscanpartakeinobservation.

(2) SaidBromustuseanyandallmethodsofmediadistributionathisdisposal,includingbutnotlimitedto:

a. Telecommunicationsb. elbownudgingc. fiberoptics,d. theexpressdeliveryservices,ande. postcards.

(3) IfaninformedBroisunabletowitnessthegirlfightfirsthand,thespotterBrois

responsiblefordocumentingandrelatingdetailsofthegirlfightviapictures,video,orbarringanyotherreasonablemethod,interpretivedanceand/orpantomim

ARTICLE27:Plagiarism

IfaBrocatchesanotherBroinplagiarism‐albeitawesomeplagiarism‐aBroshallberequiredtoasktheBrotocitehissource.

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ARTICLE34:Devil’sThreeway

(1) Broscannotmakeeye‐contactduringaDevil'sThreeway(2) Guysmustnottouch,exceptwhenmotivatedtohigh‐fiveorknucklebump.(3) Anythree‐waysinvolvingStephenBaldwinorJunyiarediscouragedatallcosts.

ARTICLE37:NameCalling

(1) IfoneBrocallsanotherBroadouchethensaidnamingmustbeconfirmedbyanotherBroevenifthethirdBroisachick.

(2) Thisnamingonlyrequiresa"second"byanyBroanddoesnotrequireamajorityvotebyallBrosinvolved.

ARTICLE40:LoveThyNeigh­Bro

Lovethyneigh‐bro

ARTICLE50:BroPayment&Repayments

(1) Thebrowiththebetterpayingjobisrequiredtobuythefirstround.(2) Iftheotherbroistemporarilyoutofmoneyorlefthiswalletathomedrinkscan

belendedyetinthelongrunthesedrinksmustberepaidwhichcanbeintheformof:

a. Wingmanservicesorb. anyotheractofentertainmentoratthenextgatheringorthatparticular

nightinquestionc. Beerd. Cash(thisisthelastresort–thismethodishighlydiscouraged)

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PARTII:EMERGENCY

ARTICLE53:Protection991

(1) ABrowill,wheneverpossible,providehisBrowithprotection.(2) IntheeventthatoneBrofindshimselflackingthenecessaryprophylactic

accoutrementsneededtocompletetheactofcoitusinasafeandeffectivemanner,heisintherighttoexpecthisBrowilluseallmeasureswithinorwithouthismeanstoprovidetheaforementionedprophylacticinatimelyyetdiscreetfashion.

(3) WhenaBrosignalshisneedusingpreviouslyagreeduponcodewordsand/orbodysignage,itisunderstoodthathisBrowilldiscontinueallpresentactivityexcepting

a. theactofcoitusitself[wherebywhichBrovowstofinishasquicklyaspossible]],

(4) SaidbromustrespondwithapanoplyofoptionsatBro‐in‐need'slocation.ABromustpatronizethemostrapidmethodoftransportationavailablewhileendeavoringtoassisthisBro;

a. Innoinstancemayatwo‐wheeledbicyclebeused*asthisisnotonlyhumiliating,butalsopotentiallyharmfultotheperineum‐azoneoftissueperilouslyadjacenttonotedsexualorgans.

(5) Intheeventthatastate,federal,international,orgalacticlawisbreachedduetorecklessness,unacceptablelevelsofspeed,and/orthehijackingofanairbornevehicle(s),itisunderstoodthattheprimaryBrowillshoulderanyassociatedlegalfeesorfines.

(6) However,anycostsordamagesincurredfromtheuseofpublictransportationaretheresponsibilityofthesecondaryBroaloneasthisisaninstanceofQuidProBro.

(7) UponarrivalattheprimaryBro'slocation,thesecondaryBromustexercisecompletediscretionsoasnottodisrupttheprimaryBro's"flow."

(8) ItisunderstoodthataBrowillengageinalltrainingnecessarytoachievethisobjective,including,atminimum,afivemonthNinjitsucurriculummasteringthetwinartsofstealthandsecrecy.**

*UnlessabicycleistheONLYformoftransportation,asinsomeCambodianvillages**SEEAPPENDIX:"Listofapprovedninjatrainingfacilitiesanddojos."

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PARTIII:BOUNDARYLIMITATIONS

ARTICLE56:SportingScores

ABroshallneverrevealthescoreofasportingeventtoanotherBrountilthatBrohasthriceconfirmedit’scool.

ARTICLE57:ChickRatioAtAParty

ABromaynotspeculateontheexpectedBro/chickratioofapartyorvenuewithoutfirstdisclosingthepresent‐timeobservedratio.

ARTICLE58:Notifications

IfaBro,forwhateverreason,becomesawareofanotherBro’sgirlfriend’sbirthdayand/oranniversarydate,heshallendeavortomakethatinformationavailabletohisBro,regardlesswhetherhethinkshisBroalreadyknows.

ARTICLE60:110%Effort

ShouldaBrobeneartoclosingwithagirl,hisBroshalldoanythingwithinhismeanstoensurethedesiredoutcome,uptoandincludingtheseductionofsaidgirl’swildlyunattractivecousin/friend/mother(referArticle89).

ARTICLE61:RespectThyParents

ABroshallhonorhisfatherandmotherirrespectiveoftheiractions

ARTICLE62:TargetsAcquired

IntheeventthattwoBrosacquirethesametarget,theBrowiththelongerdryspellhasdibs.Shouldthedryspellsbeofequallength,thebrowiththelowersexcountwins.

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ARTICLE63:AdultMaterial

(1) InascenarioinwhichtwoormoreBrosareengagedinentertainmentoftheadultvariety,oneBroisforbiddenfromintentionallyorunintentionally;

a. touchinganotherBroinANYcapacity,includingbutnotlimitedto;i. thehighfive,ii. thefistbump,oriii. thecongratulatoryglutealpat.iv. Winkingisalsokindofano‐no.

ARTICLE64:SportTicketProvisions

ABromuchprovidehisbrowithatickettoaneventifsaideventinvolvesthesecondBro’sfavoritesportsteaminaplayoffscenario.

ARTICLE65:PubHouseRules

ABromustalwaysreciprocatearoundofdrink(s)amongBroswiththeprovisothatnoexistingwagersupersedesthispurchaseandexchangeofspirits.

ARTICLE66:RelationshipBreakups

IfaBrosufferspainfromapermanentdissolutionofarelationshipwithaladyfriend,aBroshalloffernothingmorethana“thatsucks,man”andcopiousquantitiesofbeer.ABrowillalsorefrainfrompejorativecommentary–deservedornot–regardingsaidladyfriendforaperiodofthreemonths,whentherequisiteBACKSLIDEWINDOWhasclosed.

ARTICLE67:InstrumentsUsedAtParties

ShouldaBropickupaguitaratapartyandcommenceplaying,anotherBroshallpointoutthatheisatool.

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ARTICLE68:PriorityStreaks

IfaBroisonahotstreak,anotherBrowilldoeverythingpossiblytoensureitslongevity,evenifthatincludesjeopardizinghisownrecords,themissingofwork,ortemporarilyimmigratingtoaforeigncountry.

ARTICLE77:TearRule

(1) ABronevercries.(2) Unless;

a. NEVER;abronevercries.PERIOD

ARTICLE80:SlapBets

(1) Wheninaslapbetthybromustalwaysobeytherulesoftheslapbet.(2) Ifcaughtcheatinginaslapbettheselectedslapbetcoordinatormustrulethe

consequencesofhowmanymoreslapsmustbegiventothycheater

ARTICLE87:“Yes’Rule

"ABroshallatalltimessay'Yes'"

ARTICLE89:MomException

(1) "ABromayneverpursuethemomofanotherBro."(2) BeithereresolvedthatatnopointisitpermissibleforoneBrotoengagein

carnaldelicacieswithanotherBro'smother.(3) However,allowedandencouragedforoneBrotographicallysuggesttoaBrothe

athleticfeats,animalia,and/ormachineryutilizedduringafictionalencounterwithhismom.[[NOTABENE:ItiscustomaryforaBrotoavoidsuchBrocularityifhisBro'smomisa9orbetter,forfearofOedipalinducement.]]

(4) ShouldaBrodiscoverhisBroisinfactadopted,heisfreetopursuehisBro'sadoptivemother,butonlyafterfirstcorroboratingnon‐biologicalparentagethroughnotarizedbirthcertificates,hospitalrecords,orcomparativedioxyribonucleicacidgelelectrophoresis,whicheveriseasiest.

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(5) SincetheadoptedBrocannotlegitimatelyclaimtohavesharedacanalwithhisBro.

(6) ThoughthemomofaBroisalwaysofflimits,thestep‐momofaBroisallowedifsheinitiatesitand/oriswearingatleastonearticleofleopardprintclothing(Ifshelooksgoodinit.)