Chapter 5: Seek To Understand Then Be Understood.

Good and Bad Listening

Bad listening

Out of it listeningSelective listeningPretend listeningWord listeningSelf centered listening

Out of it listening

Not paying attention; spacing out

(skit)

Selective listening

Only listening to the things that interest you

(skit)

Pretend listening You pretend to listen

(skit)

Word listeningNot “listening” to the BODY language of

the speaker

(skit)

Self centered listeningYou feel like it is a competition and you

don’t put yourself in their shoes.

(skit)

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Interrupting the speaker. Not looking at the speaker. Rushing the speaker and making him feel that he’s wasting the

listener’s time. Showing interest in something other than the conversation. Getting ahead of the speaker and finishing her thoughts. Not responding to the speaker’s requests. Saying, “Yes, but . . .,” as if the listener has made up his mind. Topping the speaker’s story with “That reminds me. . .” or “That’s

nothing, let me tell you about. . .” Forgetting what was talked about previously. Asking too many questions about details.

Good listeningMirror listening- repeating the meaning of

what the speaker is saying in a caring way.

How to be a good listener. To show you are listening

Look at the speaker directly. Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally

prepare a rebuttal! Avoid being distracted by environmental

factors. “Listen” to the speaker’s body language. Refrain from side conversations when listening

in a group setting. (skit)

MisunderstandingBeing open

Misunderstanding Don’t be thinking about your reply before

your hear what they have to say.

A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.

Being OpenYou have two be open to what the person is

saying.• Nod your head• Use occasional affirmations• Sit up and lean a little toward the speaker. (examples)

•Seek first to understand then to be understood.•Listen to the speaker with care and repeat what they say in a caring way. •Good listening is mirror listening. •Be open to one another and be honest with each other (in a nice way).•Don’t shut the person out and make them feel uncomfortable.•The things you should do when you are listening are: Look at the speaker directly.

Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal! Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. “Listen” to the speaker’s body language. Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

•Five types of bad listening: out of it listening, pretend listening, word listening, selective listening, self centered listening.